ANLP_WS24_CA1/data/tok_bad_jokes.csv

body,id,score,title,tok_body,tok_title,tokens,length
" a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a fire 
fighters helmet. The wagon is pulled by her dog and cat.

The fire fighter takes a closer look. ""That sure is a nice fire truck,"" the fire fighter says with admiration. ""Thanks,"" the girl says. The fire fighter notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dogs collar and to the cats testicles.

""Little partner,"" says the fire fighter, ""I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you would go faster.""

The little girl replies thoughtfully, ""You're probably right, but, then I wouldn't have a siren."" ",51g8ry,54,A fire fighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders on the sides,"['garden', 'hose', 'coiled', 'middle', 'wearing', 'fire', 'fighter', 'helmet', 'wagon', 'pulled', 'dog', 'cat', 'fire', 'fighter', 'take', 'closer', 'look', 'sure', 'nice', 'fire', 'truck', 'fire', 'fighter', 'say', 'admiration', 'thanks', 'girl', 'say', 'fire', 'fighter', 'notice', 'girl', 'tied', 'wagon', 'dog', 'collar', 'cat', 'testicle', 'little', 'partner', 'say', 'fire', 'fighter', 'want', 'tell', 'run', 'rig', 'tie', 'rope', 'around', 'cat', 'collar', 'think', 'would', 'go', 'faster', 'little', 'girl', 'reply', 'thoughtfully', 'probably', 'right', 'would', 'siren']","['fire', 'fighter', 'working', 'outside', 'station', 'notice', 'little', 'girl', 'little', 'red', 'wagon', 'little', 'ladder', 'side']","['garden', 'hose', 'coiled', 'middle', 'wearing', 'fire', 'fighter', 'helmet', 'wagon', 'pulled', 'dog', 'cat', 'fire', 'fighter', 'take', 'closer', 'look', 'sure', 'nice', 'fire', 'truck', 'fire', 'fighter', 'say', 'admiration', 'thanks', 'girl', 'say', 'fire', 'fighter', 'notice', 'girl', 'tied', 'wagon', 'dog', 'collar', 'cat', 'testicle', 'little', 'partner', 'say', 'fire', 'fighter', 'want', 'tell', 'run', 'rig', 'tie', 'rope', 'around', 'cat', 'collar', 'think', 'would', 'go', 'faster', 'little', 'girl', 'reply', 'thoughtfully', 'probably', 'right', 'would', 'siren', 'fire', 'fighter', 'working', 'outside', 'station', 'notice', 'little', 'girl', 'little', 'red', 'wagon', 'little', 'ladder', 'side']",78
Using a pair of Caesars.,3ap99y,54,How do you divide old Rome?,"['using', 'pair', 'caesar']","['divide', 'old', 'rome']","['using', 'pair', 'caesar', 'divide', 'old', 'rome']",6
You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.,4tegdu,54,What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?,"['cry', 'chopping']","['difference', 'onion']","['cry', 'chopping', 'difference', 'onion']",4
"He orders a drink and notices there's a mean, weather beaten pirate next to him at the bar. The pirate has a hook, a peg leg, and an eye patch. After a few drinks the sailor gets the courage to ask the pirate how he lost his leg. 

The pirate tells him, ""We were in the midst of a raging storm, a wave crashed over the deck and swept me off inter the sea. Before I was rescued, a shark swam up and bit off me leg!"" 

""That's quite the story"" the sailor responds. ""What about the hook?""

""Arr, we were boarding a vessel, swords were flying, and in the fray, I got me hand chopped off!""

""Wow, that's another impressive story. What's the story behind the eye patch?""

""It twas a beautiful day, while I was gazing up at the clear blue sky, a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!""

""You lost your eye to bird poop?"" the sailor asks incredulously. 

""Well,"" responds the pirate, ""It twas the first day with me hook...""",22e1t9,54,A sailor walks into a bar,"['order', 'drink', 'notice', 'mean', 'weather', 'beaten', 'pirate', 'next', 'bar', 'pirate', 'hook', 'peg', 'leg', 'eye', 'patch', 'drink', 'sailor', 'get', 'courage', 'ask', 'pirate', 'lost', 'leg', 'pirate', 'tell', 'midst', 'raging', 'storm', 'wave', 'crashed', 'deck', 'swept', 'inter', 'sea', 'rescued', 'shark', 'swam', 'bit', 'leg', 'quite', 'story', 'sailor', 'responds', 'hook', 'arr', 'boarding', 'vessel', 'sword', 'flying', 'fray', 'got', 'hand', 'chopped', 'wow', 'another', 'impressive', 'story', 'story', 'behind', 'eye', 'patch', 'twas', 'beautiful', 'day', 'gazing', 'clear', 'blue', 'sky', 'bird', 'flew', 'pooped', 'eye', 'lost', 'eye', 'bird', 'poop', 'sailor', 'asks', 'incredulously', 'well', 'responds', 'pirate', 'twas', 'first', 'day', 'hook']","['sailor', 'walk', 'bar']","['order', 'drink', 'notice', 'mean', 'weather', 'beaten', 'pirate', 'next', 'bar', 'pirate', 'hook', 'peg', 'leg', 'eye', 'patch', 'drink', 'sailor', 'get', 'courage', 'ask', 'pirate', 'lost', 'leg', 'pirate', 'tell', 'midst', 'raging', 'storm', 'wave', 'crashed', 'deck', 'swept', 'inter', 'sea', 'rescued', 'shark', 'swam', 'bit', 'leg', 'quite', 'story', 'sailor', 'responds', 'hook', 'arr', 'boarding', 'vessel', 'sword', 'flying', 'fray', 'got', 'hand', 'chopped', 'wow', 'another', 'impressive', 'story', 'story', 'behind', 'eye', 'patch', 'twas', 'beautiful', 'day', 'gazing', 'clear', 'blue', 'sky', 'bird', 'flew', 'pooped', 'eye', 'lost', 'eye', 'bird', 'poop', 'sailor', 'asks', 'incredulously', 'well', 'responds', 'pirate', 'twas', 'first', 'day', 'hook', 'sailor', 'walk', 'bar']",89
Lickety-split.,3smr8u,54,How fast do lesbians have sex?,[],"['fast', 'lesbian', 'sex']","['fast', 'lesbian', 'sex']",3
Having a threesome with Dwayne Johnson ,2rmaap,54,What is another way of 'saying caught between a rock and a hard place'?,"['threesome', 'dwayne', 'johnson']","['another', 'way', 'caught', 'rock', 'hard', 'place']","['threesome', 'dwayne', 'johnson', 'another', 'way', 'caught', 'rock', 'hard', 'place']",9
"She says to the employee, ""I can't have an orgasm, what can you give me?""
He says, "" We have this new product, called the magic dildo. All you have to do is say magic dildo and where you want it to go.""
""Ok, magic dildo, my pussy,"" she says.
The magic dildo goes to her pussy, and she has the most amazing orgasm of her life.
""I'll take it."" She says.
On the way home she uses the magic dildo again.
""Magic dildo, my pussy."" 
She is having such a great orgasm that she is unable to control the car. She's driving all over the road. Then, a policeman sees her and pulls her over.
He says, ""What's going on here? You're all over the road.""
""I just got this magic dildo, and I was having such an amazing orgasm that I lost control of the car."" She explains.
The policeman replies, ""Magic dildo my ass!""",3em05q,54,A woman walks into a sex shop,"['say', 'employee', 'ca', 'orgasm', 'give', 'say', 'new', 'product', 'called', 'magic', 'dildo', 'say', 'magic', 'dildo', 'want', 'go', 'ok', 'magic', 'dildo', 'pussy', 'say', 'magic', 'dildo', 'go', 'pussy', 'amazing', 'orgasm', 'life', 'take', 'say', 'way', 'home', 'us', 'magic', 'dildo', 'magic', 'dildo', 'pussy', 'great', 'orgasm', 'unable', 'control', 'car', 'driving', 'road', 'policeman', 'see', 'pull', 'say', 'going', 'road', 'got', 'magic', 'dildo', 'amazing', 'orgasm', 'lost', 'control', 'car', 'explains', 'policeman', 'reply', 'magic', 'dildo', 'as']","['woman', 'walk', 'sex', 'shop']","['say', 'employee', 'ca', 'orgasm', 'give', 'say', 'new', 'product', 'called', 'magic', 'dildo', 'say', 'magic', 'dildo', 'want', 'go', 'ok', 'magic', 'dildo', 'pussy', 'say', 'magic', 'dildo', 'go', 'pussy', 'amazing', 'orgasm', 'life', 'take', 'say', 'way', 'home', 'us', 'magic', 'dildo', 'magic', 'dildo', 'pussy', 'great', 'orgasm', 'unable', 'control', 'car', 'driving', 'road', 'policeman', 'see', 'pull', 'say', 'going', 'road', 'got', 'magic', 'dildo', 'amazing', 'orgasm', 'lost', 'control', 'car', 'explains', 'policeman', 'reply', 'magic', 'dildo', 'as', 'woman', 'walk', 'sex', 'shop']",69
I put in the wrong socks this morning. ,2gx5bx,54,Why did the semen cross the road?,"['put', 'wrong', 'sock', 'morning']","['semen', 'cross', 'road']","['put', 'wrong', 'sock', 'morning', 'semen', 'cross', 'road']",7
"I got a hand job from a blind girl last night. She said ""You have the biggest dick i've ever put my hands on."" I replied ""Nah, you're just pulling my leg.""",31t50x,54,I got a hand job from a blind girl last night...,"['got', 'hand', 'job', 'blind', 'girl', 'last', 'night', 'said', 'biggest', 'dick', 'ever', 'put', 'hand', 'replied', 'nah', 'pulling', 'leg']","['got', 'hand', 'job', 'blind', 'girl', 'last', 'night']","['got', 'hand', 'job', 'blind', 'girl', 'last', 'night', 'said', 'biggest', 'dick', 'ever', 'put', 'hand', 'replied', 'nah', 'pulling', 'leg', 'got', 'hand', 'job', 'blind', 'girl', 'last', 'night']",24
"I have a Czech one too. 
Czech one too. Czech one too.",4qeoq7,54,I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band,"['czech', 'one', 'czech', 'one', 'czech', 'one']","['polish', 'friend', 'roadie', 'rock', 'band']","['czech', 'one', 'czech', 'one', 'czech', 'one', 'polish', 'friend', 'roadie', 'rock', 'band']",11
He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow. ,35k4jy,54,I just sold some Viagra to a guy who thought it was Adderall.,"['going', 'hard', 'test', 'tomorrow']","['sold', 'viagra', 'guy', 'thought', 'adderall']","['going', 'hard', 'test', 'tomorrow', 'sold', 'viagra', 'guy', 'thought', 'adderall']",9
A fucking know it all!,1oo95j,54,What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker?,"['fucking', 'know']","['get', 'cross', 'genius', 'hooker']","['fucking', 'know', 'get', 'cross', 'genius', 'hooker']",6
A truckload of wigs has lost control and tipped over on the highway........Police are still combing the area. ,2yon2a,54,This just in!,"['truckload', 'wig', 'lost', 'control', 'tipped', 'highway', 'police', 'still', 'combing', 'area']",[],"['truckload', 'wig', 'lost', 'control', 'tipped', 'highway', 'police', 'still', 'combing', 'area']",10
A Breasted Development,3r2h3r,54,What do you call a tv show about female puberty?,"['breasted', 'development']","['call', 'tv', 'show', 'female', 'puberty']","['breasted', 'development', 'call', 'tv', 'show', 'female', 'puberty']",7
Little Caesars.,2vd9hf,54,What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?,"['little', 'caesar']","['mexican', 'use', 'cut', 'pizza']","['little', 'caesar', 'mexican', 'use', 'cut', 'pizza']",6
"Everytime I call, a machine answers.",4ftafw,54,Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?,"['everytime', 'call', 'machine', 'answer']","['know', 'stephen', 'hawking', 'still', 'old', 'phone', 'number']","['everytime', 'call', 'machine', 'answer', 'know', 'stephen', 'hawking', 'still', 'old', 'phone', 'number']",11
"The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. ""Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you."" he says. 

""I'm sorry but I've given my body to God"" she replies and then leaves. 

Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says ""I know a way you can get her in the sack."" The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to the cemetery every night at 9 to pray, and if he dresses up and convinces her he's God, she might have sex with him.

That night at 9, the man is in the cemetery hiding behind a gravestone. When the nun approaches in the darkness he jumps out and says ""Sister, I am God and I command you to have sex with me."" She replies ""Well I mustn't deny God. However I want to remain a virgin so I will only take it up the ass."" 

The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. 
After it is over he whips off his outfit and says ""Surprise, I'm the guy on the bus"" 

With that the nun turns around and says 
""Surprise, I'm the bus driver.""",4xbkdd,54,"[NSFW] A man is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on.","['problem', 'nun', 'decides', 'approach', 'anyway', 'sister', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'must', 'sex', 'say', 'sorry', 'given', 'body', 'god', 'reply', 'leaf', 'suddenly', 'bus', 'driver', 'turn', 'around', 'guy', 'say', 'know', 'way', 'get', 'sack', 'bus', 'driver', 'tell', 'guy', 'nun', 'go', 'cemetery', 'every', 'night', 'pray', 'dress', 'convinces', 'god', 'might', 'sex', 'night', 'man', 'cemetery', 'hiding', 'behind', 'gravestone', 'nun', 'approach', 'darkness', 'jump', 'say', 'sister', 'god', 'command', 'sex', 'reply', 'well', 'must', 'deny', 'god', 'however', 'want', 'remain', 'virgin', 'take', 'as', 'guy', 'figure', 'problem', 'proceeds', 'best', 'sex', 'ever', 'whip', 'outfit', 'say', 'surprise', 'guy', 'bus', 'nun', 'turn', 'around', 'say', 'surprise', 'bus', 'driver']","['nsfw', 'man', 'riding', 'bus', 'stop', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'get']","['problem', 'nun', 'decides', 'approach', 'anyway', 'sister', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'must', 'sex', 'say', 'sorry', 'given', 'body', 'god', 'reply', 'leaf', 'suddenly', 'bus', 'driver', 'turn', 'around', 'guy', 'say', 'know', 'way', 'get', 'sack', 'bus', 'driver', 'tell', 'guy', 'nun', 'go', 'cemetery', 'every', 'night', 'pray', 'dress', 'convinces', 'god', 'might', 'sex', 'night', 'man', 'cemetery', 'hiding', 'behind', 'gravestone', 'nun', 'approach', 'darkness', 'jump', 'say', 'sister', 'god', 'command', 'sex', 'reply', 'well', 'must', 'deny', 'god', 'however', 'want', 'remain', 'virgin', 'take', 'as', 'guy', 'figure', 'problem', 'proceeds', 'best', 'sex', 'ever', 'whip', 'outfit', 'say', 'surprise', 'guy', 'bus', 'nun', 'turn', 'around', 'say', 'surprise', 'bus', 'driver', 'nsfw', 'man', 'riding', 'bus', 'stop', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'get']",101
"With a pair of Caesars.

(Thanks [Deep Digger Dan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=JUIumhWtTK4))",1vl0wv,54,How did the Romans split up their empire?,"['pair', 'caesar', 'thanks', 'deep', 'digger', 'dan', 'http']","['roman', 'split', 'empire']","['pair', 'caesar', 'thanks', 'deep', 'digger', 'dan', 'http', 'roman', 'split', 'empire']",10
A minimum.,4kkd4f,54,What do you call your mum who is shorter than you?,['minimum'],"['call', 'mum', 'shorter']","['minimum', 'call', 'mum', 'shorter']",4
He says he can stop anytime. ,2joj11,54,So I know this guy who is addicted to brake fluid...,"['say', 'stop', 'anytime']","['know', 'guy', 'addicted', 'brake', 'fluid']","['say', 'stop', 'anytime', 'know', 'guy', 'addicted', 'brake', 'fluid']",8
They did unspeakable things to her.,20a24v,54,My wife was captured by a gang of mimes.,"['unspeakable', 'thing']","['wife', 'captured', 'gang', 'mime']","['unspeakable', 'thing', 'wife', 'captured', 'gang', 'mime']",6
which is rather disappointing because he's extremely handsome.,49fq99,54,My girlfriend's father is pretty religious and said we couldn't make love...,"['rather', 'disappointing', 'extremely', 'handsome']","['girlfriend', 'father', 'pretty', 'religious', 'said', 'could', 'make', 'love']","['rather', 'disappointing', 'extremely', 'handsome', 'girlfriend', 'father', 'pretty', 'religious', 'said', 'could', 'make', 'love']",12
He turned out to be a seasoned veteran.,4inhbm,54,Did you guys hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?,"['turned', 'seasoned', 'veteran']","['guy', 'hear', 'man', 'survived', 'mustard', 'gas', 'pepper', 'spray']","['turned', 'seasoned', 'veteran', 'guy', 'hear', 'man', 'survived', 'mustard', 'gas', 'pepper', 'spray']",11
"Little Johnny is walking down the street with his dead frog on a rope.

He goes up to a pimp and asks him for the nastiest whore he has.

Pimp:""why do you want the nastiest whore I have? I have perfectly good whores instead""

Johnny: I'll explain when I'm done

So he goes in and fucks the dirtiest whore in the building and when he comes out the pimp asks him again, ""why did you want the nastiest whore in town?'

Johnny: ""well, tonight the babysitter will come and she likes little boys, so she'll get the STD I have!""

""And when daddy drives her home he'll want a piece of that and he'll have the STD as well!""

""And when daddy comes home, mommy will want to go at it so she'll have it as well!""

""And when daddy leaves for work tomorrow morning the milkman will come by and mommy will give it to him, and that's the fucker I want 'cause he killed my frog!""",3e1xq8,54,Revenge,"['little', 'johnny', 'walking', 'street', 'dead', 'frog', 'rope', 'go', 'pimp', 'asks', 'nastiest', 'whore', 'pimp', 'want', 'nastiest', 'whore', 'perfectly', 'good', 'whore', 'instead', 'johnny', 'explain', 'done', 'go', 'fuck', 'dirtiest', 'whore', 'building', 'come', 'pimp', 'asks', 'want', 'nastiest', 'whore', 'town', 'johnny', 'well', 'tonight', 'babysitter', 'come', 'like', 'little', 'boy', 'get', 'std', 'daddy', 'drive', 'home', 'want', 'piece', 'std', 'well', 'daddy', 'come', 'home', 'mommy', 'want', 'go', 'well', 'daddy', 'leaf', 'work', 'tomorrow', 'morning', 'milkman', 'come', 'mommy', 'give', 'fucker', 'want', 'killed', 'frog']",['revenge'],"['little', 'johnny', 'walking', 'street', 'dead', 'frog', 'rope', 'go', 'pimp', 'asks', 'nastiest', 'whore', 'pimp', 'want', 'nastiest', 'whore', 'perfectly', 'good', 'whore', 'instead', 'johnny', 'explain', 'done', 'go', 'fuck', 'dirtiest', 'whore', 'building', 'come', 'pimp', 'asks', 'want', 'nastiest', 'whore', 'town', 'johnny', 'well', 'tonight', 'babysitter', 'come', 'like', 'little', 'boy', 'get', 'std', 'daddy', 'drive', 'home', 'want', 'piece', 'std', 'well', 'daddy', 'come', 'home', 'mommy', 'want', 'go', 'well', 'daddy', 'leaf', 'work', 'tomorrow', 'morning', 'milkman', 'come', 'mommy', 'give', 'fucker', 'want', 'killed', 'frog', 'revenge']",73
"One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, ""Please send me a sister."" Santa Claus wrote him back, ""Ok, send me your mother.""",2ykjyf,54,A little boy wrote to Santa Claus...,"['one', 'day', 'little', 'boy', 'wrote', 'santa', 'claus', 'please', 'send', 'sister', 'santa', 'claus', 'wrote', 'back', 'ok', 'send', 'mother']","['little', 'boy', 'wrote', 'santa', 'claus']","['one', 'day', 'little', 'boy', 'wrote', 'santa', 'claus', 'please', 'send', 'sister', 'santa', 'claus', 'wrote', 'back', 'ok', 'send', 'mother', 'little', 'boy', 'wrote', 'santa', 'claus']",22
"In Soviet Russia  
Poem writes you",2zw59s,54,"Roses are red, violets are blue","['soviet', 'russia', 'poem', 'writes']","['rose', 'red', 'violet', 'blue']","['soviet', 'russia', 'poem', 'writes', 'rose', 'red', 'violet', 'blue']",8
"Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls. 
One guy says: ""Man I wish I could do that""
The other guy replies: ""Ya, you may want to pet him first""",2acyat,54,Two guys are walking down the street,"['two', 'guy', 'walking', 'street', 'see', 'dog', 'licking', 'ball', 'one', 'guy', 'say', 'man', 'wish', 'could', 'guy', 'reply', 'ya', 'may', 'want', 'pet', 'first']","['two', 'guy', 'walking', 'street']","['two', 'guy', 'walking', 'street', 'see', 'dog', 'licking', 'ball', 'one', 'guy', 'say', 'man', 'wish', 'could', 'guy', 'reply', 'ya', 'may', 'want', 'pet', 'first', 'two', 'guy', 'walking', 'street']",25
LXIX.,4oma3k,54,What's an Ancient Roman's favorite sex position?,['lxix'],"['ancient', 'roman', 'favorite', 'sex', 'position']","['lxix', 'ancient', 'roman', 'favorite', 'sex', 'position']",6
...,2nlk5e,54,I can't stand being in a wheelchair.,[],"['ca', 'stand', 'wheelchair']","['ca', 'stand', 'wheelchair']",3
".. one of the guys turned to the other and said:

""See that guy with all those knives? He's *Knife Bill*""

Some time later a man with 8 guns on his belt comes in and again the guy turned to the other and said:

""See that guy with all those guns? He's *Gun Bill*""

An hour later a guy with 5 arms and 3 legs comes in and the other guy asks:

""Who is that??"" 

""That's *Cherno Bill*""",1prayv,54,Two men sit in a bar when a guy with a bunch of knives comes in..,"['one', 'guy', 'turned', 'said', 'see', 'guy', 'knife', 'knife', 'bill', 'time', 'later', 'man', 'gun', 'belt', 'come', 'guy', 'turned', 'said', 'see', 'guy', 'gun', 'gun', 'bill', 'hour', 'later', 'guy', 'arm', 'leg', 'come', 'guy', 'asks', 'cherno', 'bill']","['two', 'men', 'sit', 'bar', 'guy', 'bunch', 'knife', 'come']","['one', 'guy', 'turned', 'said', 'see', 'guy', 'knife', 'knife', 'bill', 'time', 'later', 'man', 'gun', 'belt', 'come', 'guy', 'turned', 'said', 'see', 'guy', 'gun', 'gun', 'bill', 'hour', 'later', 'guy', 'arm', 'leg', 'come', 'guy', 'asks', 'cherno', 'bill', 'two', 'men', 'sit', 'bar', 'guy', 'bunch', 'knife', 'come']",41
My friend was wearing one and got shot by the woman's husband. ,5tqboi,54,Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore....,"['friend', 'wearing', 'one', 'got', 'shot', 'woman', 'husband']","['condom', 'guarantee', 'safe', 'sex', 'anymore']","['friend', 'wearing', 'one', 'got', 'shot', 'woman', 'husband', 'condom', 'guarantee', 'safe', 'sex', 'anymore']",12
Because she outgrew her B-Shells. Ha...,3sl853,54,Why did the mermaid wear SeaShells?,"['outgrew', 'ha']","['mermaid', 'wear', 'seashell']","['outgrew', 'ha', 'mermaid', 'wear', 'seashell']",5
National Dyslexic Association,2cbm1r,54,What does DNA stand for?,"['national', 'dyslexic', 'association']","['dna', 'stand']","['national', 'dyslexic', 'association', 'dna', 'stand']",5
"Hispanic attacks.
",3ntiv9,54,Why did the Portuguese guy take Xanax?,"['hispanic', 'attack']","['portuguese', 'guy', 'take', 'xanax']","['hispanic', 'attack', 'portuguese', 'guy', 'take', 'xanax']",6
Decaffeinated coffee.,49wk1r,54,What is black and doesn't work?,"['decaffeinated', 'coffee']","['black', 'work']","['decaffeinated', 'coffee', 'black', 'work']",4
"I hate housework!

You make the beds, you do the dishes 

...and six months later you have to start all over again.


",2fjp82,54,I Hate Housework!,"['hate', 'housework', 'make', 'bed', 'dish', 'six', 'month', 'later', 'start']","['hate', 'housework']","['hate', 'housework', 'make', 'bed', 'dish', 'six', 'month', 'later', 'start', 'hate', 'housework']",11
"A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are all being chased by soldiers, they all run into a Barn and hide in big burlap sacks. The soldier walk in and hunt for them, they poke the first bag and the Scotsman says ""Meow!"" so they pass it off as a bag of kittens. They poke the second pack and the Englishman says ""Woof!"" so they pass it off as a bag of puppies. They poke the third bag and the Irishman says ""Potatoes!""",2abuba,54,3 bags.,"['scotsman', 'englishman', 'irishman', 'chased', 'soldier', 'run', 'barn', 'hide', 'big', 'burlap', 'sack', 'soldier', 'walk', 'hunt', 'poke', 'first', 'bag', 'scotsman', 'say', 'meow', 'pas', 'bag', 'kitten', 'poke', 'second', 'pack', 'englishman', 'say', 'woof', 'pas', 'bag', 'puppy', 'poke', 'third', 'bag', 'irishman', 'say', 'potato']",['bag'],"['scotsman', 'englishman', 'irishman', 'chased', 'soldier', 'run', 'barn', 'hide', 'big', 'burlap', 'sack', 'soldier', 'walk', 'hunt', 'poke', 'first', 'bag', 'scotsman', 'say', 'meow', 'pas', 'bag', 'kitten', 'poke', 'second', 'pack', 'englishman', 'say', 'woof', 'pas', 'bag', 'puppy', 'poke', 'third', 'bag', 'irishman', 'say', 'potato', 'bag']",39
 A wok.,3hpoh3,54,What do you call a Chinese fly with no wings?,['wok'],"['call', 'chinese', 'fly', 'wing']","['wok', 'call', 'chinese', 'fly', 'wing']",5
Because Watt is love?,3hyb0p,54,Love is energy over time,"['watt', 'love']","['love', 'energy', 'time']","['watt', 'love', 'love', 'energy', 'time']",5
All I said was my drivers keep crashing ,5rdm2t,54,I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian,"['said', 'driver', 'keep', 'crashing']","['furious', 'racist', 'tech', 'support', 'called', 'asian']","['said', 'driver', 'keep', 'crashing', 'furious', 'racist', 'tech', 'support', 'called', 'asian']",10
"The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize.",4dh222,54,I got second place in a star gazing competition once.,"['winner', 'got', 'telescope', 'got', 'constellation', 'prize']","['got', 'second', 'place', 'star', 'gazing', 'competition']","['winner', 'got', 'telescope', 'got', 'constellation', 'prize', 'got', 'second', 'place', 'star', 'gazing', 'competition']",12
He hit me until I was 21. ,3lv3pd,54,My dad is a blackjack dealer.,['hit'],"['dad', 'blackjack', 'dealer']","['hit', 'dad', 'blackjack', 'dealer']",4
50 bucks,2onaom,54,What does a hooker get from Santa?,['buck'],"['hooker', 'get', 'santa']","['buck', 'hooker', 'get', 'santa']",4
...uncles ,4xn3qt,54,What's worse than ants in your pants?,['uncle'],"['worse', 'ant', 'pant']","['uncle', 'worse', 'ant', 'pant']",4
"... And the ice cream man stops and says, ""What can I get for you, Ma'am?""

She says ""Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan.""",4jqvcs,54,So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck...,"['ice', 'cream', 'man', 'stop', 'say', 'get', 'say', 'nothing', 'wanted', 'tell', 'vegan']","['woman', 'chasing', 'ice', 'cream', 'truck']","['ice', 'cream', 'man', 'stop', 'say', 'get', 'say', 'nothing', 'wanted', 'tell', 'vegan', 'woman', 'chasing', 'ice', 'cream', 'truck']",16
Because she's a woman.,381aka,54,Why can't Helen Keller drive....,['woman'],"['ca', 'helen', 'keller', 'drive']","['woman', 'ca', 'helen', 'keller', 'drive']",5
Props to him.,44e9ps,54,My friend has recently started collecting acting equipment.,['prop'],"['friend', 'recently', 'started', 'collecting', 'acting', 'equipment']","['prop', 'friend', 'recently', 'started', 'collecting', 'acting', 'equipment']",7
"She knows that her husband will be entertaining some pretty important members of their congregation for dinner, and she wants only the finest food. She asks the butcher what he would personally recommend, to which he replies ""Well ma'am, I would have some Dam Ham."" The reverend's wife, a simple lady, is outraged. ""I am a good Christian woman,"" she says ""and I refuse to be sworn at!"" Obviously misunderstand, the butcher quickly explains himself, saying ""No, ma'am, you don't understand. That's the brand name! Dam Ham. Finest around."" The wife chuckles, apologizes for her reaction and brings it home. 
Her husband comes home from work and asks what will be for dinner. She of course tells him that they will be having Dam Ham, much to his outrage. Barely able to contain himself, he yells ""We're having guests tonight and you use THAT language?"". The mistake being a familiar one, she quickly laughs and explains ""No, Honey, that's the brand! Dam Ham!"" Seeing his error, they have a good guffaw.
Soon, the guests arrive. The reverend, his wife and son are seated at one side, with their parishioners on the other. After grace, the reverend looks to his wife and courteously asks ""Dear, can you pass the Dam Ham?""
Their son, thrilled, immediately jumps to his feet. ""Now you've got it pop! Hey, bitch, pass the fucking potatoes!""",1tsadu,54,A reverend's wife walks into a butcher shop.,"['know', 'husband', 'entertaining', 'pretty', 'important', 'member', 'congregation', 'dinner', 'want', 'finest', 'food', 'asks', 'butcher', 'would', 'personally', 'recommend', 'reply', 'well', 'would', 'dam', 'ham', 'reverend', 'wife', 'simple', 'lady', 'outraged', 'good', 'christian', 'woman', 'say', 'refuse', 'sworn', 'obviously', 'misunderstand', 'butcher', 'quickly', 'explains', 'saying', 'understand', 'brand', 'name', 'dam', 'ham', 'finest', 'around', 'wife', 'chuckle', 'apologizes', 'reaction', 'brings', 'home', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'work', 'asks', 'dinner', 'course', 'tell', 'dam', 'ham', 'much', 'outrage', 'barely', 'able', 'contain', 'yell', 'guest', 'tonight', 'use', 'language', 'mistake', 'familiar', 'one', 'quickly', 'laugh', 'explains', 'honey', 'brand', 'dam', 'ham', 'seeing', 'error', 'good', 'guffaw', 'soon', 'guest', 'arrive', 'reverend', 'wife', 'son', 'seated', 'one', 'side', 'parishioner', 'grace', 'reverend', 'look', 'wife', 'courteously', 'asks', 'dear', 'pas', 'dam', 'ham', 'son', 'thrilled', 'immediately', 'jump', 'foot', 'got', 'pop', 'hey', 'bitch', 'pas', 'fucking', 'potato']","['reverend', 'wife', 'walk', 'butcher', 'shop']","['know', 'husband', 'entertaining', 'pretty', 'important', 'member', 'congregation', 'dinner', 'want', 'finest', 'food', 'asks', 'butcher', 'would', 'personally', 'recommend', 'reply', 'well', 'would', 'dam', 'ham', 'reverend', 'wife', 'simple', 'lady', 'outraged', 'good', 'christian', 'woman', 'say', 'refuse', 'sworn', 'obviously', 'misunderstand', 'butcher', 'quickly', 'explains', 'saying', 'understand', 'brand', 'name', 'dam', 'ham', 'finest', 'around', 'wife', 'chuckle', 'apologizes', 'reaction', 'brings', 'home', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'work', 'asks', 'dinner', 'course', 'tell', 'dam', 'ham', 'much', 'outrage', 'barely', 'able', 'contain', 'yell', 'guest', 'tonight', 'use', 'language', 'mistake', 'familiar', 'one', 'quickly', 'laugh', 'explains', 'honey', 'brand', 'dam', 'ham', 'seeing', 'error', 'good', 'guffaw', 'soon', 'guest', 'arrive', 'reverend', 'wife', 'son', 'seated', 'one', 'side', 'parishioner', 'grace', 'reverend', 'look', 'wife', 'courteously', 'asks', 'dear', 'pas', 'dam', 'ham', 'son', 'thrilled', 'immediately', 'jump', 'foot', 'got', 'pop', 'hey', 'bitch', 'pas', 'fucking', 'potato', 'reverend', 'wife', 'walk', 'butcher', 'shop']",122
"
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.


The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.


The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.


The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.


And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.",2yss30,54,The best geometry joke I know...,"['upon', 'time', 'three', 'kingdom', 'bordering', 'lake', 'century', 'kingdom', 'fought', 'island', 'middle', 'lake', 'one', 'day', 'decided', 'first', 'kingdom', 'quite', 'rich', 'sent', 'army', 'knight', 'three', 'squire', 'night', 'battle', 'knight', 'jousted', 'cavorted', 'squire', 'polished', 'armor', 'cooked', 'food', 'sharpened', 'weapon', 'second', 'kingdom', 'wealthy', 'sent', 'knight', 'squire', 'night', 'battle', 'knight', 'cavorted', 'sharpened', 'weapon', 'squire', 'polished', 'armor', 'prepared', 'dinner', 'third', 'kingdom', 'poor', 'sent', 'one', 'elderly', 'knight', 'sole', 'squire', 'night', 'battle', 'knight', 'sharpened', 'weapon', 'squire', 'using', 'looped', 'rope', 'slung', 'pot', 'high', 'fire', 'cook', 'prepared', 'knight', 'armor', 'next', 'day', 'battle', 'began', 'knight', 'first', 'two', 'kingdom', 'cavorted', 'bit', 'much', 'one', 'never', 'cavort', 'sharpening', 'weapon', 'jousting', 'could', 'fight', 'squire', 'third', 'kingdom', 'could', 'rouse', 'elderly', 'knight', 'time', 'combat', 'absence', 'knight', 'squire', 'fought', 'battle', 'raged', 'well', 'late', 'hour', 'dust', 'finally', 'settled', 'solitary', 'figure', 'limped', 'carnage', 'lone', 'squire', 'third', 'kingdom', 'dragged', 'away', 'beaten', 'bloodied', 'victorious', 'go', 'prove', 'squire', 'high', 'pot', 'noose', 'equal', 'sum', 'squire', 'two', 'side']","['best', 'geometry', 'joke', 'know']","['upon', 'time', 'three', 'kingdom', 'bordering', 'lake', 'century', 'kingdom', 'fought', 'island', 'middle', 'lake', 'one', 'day', 'decided', 'first', 'kingdom', 'quite', 'rich', 'sent', 'army', 'knight', 'three', 'squire', 'night', 'battle', 'knight', 'jousted', 'cavorted', 'squire', 'polished', 'armor', 'cooked', 'food', 'sharpened', 'weapon', 'second', 'kingdom', 'wealthy', 'sent', 'knight', 'squire', 'night', 'battle', 'knight', 'cavorted', 'sharpened', 'weapon', 'squire', 'polished', 'armor', 'prepared', 'dinner', 'third', 'kingdom', 'poor', 'sent', 'one', 'elderly', 'knight', 'sole', 'squire', 'night', 'battle', 'knight', 'sharpened', 'weapon', 'squire', 'using', 'looped', 'rope', 'slung', 'pot', 'high', 'fire', 'cook', 'prepared', 'knight', 'armor', 'next', 'day', 'battle', 'began', 'knight', 'first', 'two', 'kingdom', 'cavorted', 'bit', 'much', 'one', 'never', 'cavort', 'sharpening', 'weapon', 'jousting', 'could', 'fight', 'squire', 'third', 'kingdom', 'could', 'rouse', 'elderly', 'knight', 'time', 'combat', 'absence', 'knight', 'squire', 'fought', 'battle', 'raged', 'well', 'late', 'hour', 'dust', 'finally', 'settled', 'solitary', 'figure', 'limped', 'carnage', 'lone', 'squire', 'third', 'kingdom', 'dragged', 'away', 'beaten', 'bloodied', 'victorious', 'go', 'prove', 'squire', 'high', 'pot', 'noose', 'equal', 'sum', 'squire', 'two', 'side', 'best', 'geometry', 'joke', 'know']",147
It's con-sensual.,5ssdyi,54,Prison sex...,[],"['prison', 'sex']","['prison', 'sex']",2
"My friend told me this 'joke' after he found out I was Muslim. 
Him: Why do Muslims hate Hitler?
Me: Why?
Him: He didn't kill ALL the Jews.",2gko9g,54,Why do Muslims hate Hitler?,"['friend', 'told', 'found', 'muslim', 'muslim', 'hate', 'hitler', 'kill', 'jew']","['muslim', 'hate', 'hitler']","['friend', 'told', 'found', 'muslim', 'muslim', 'hate', 'hitler', 'kill', 'jew', 'muslim', 'hate', 'hitler']",12
John came fifth and was awarded a toaster,4023ry,54,"The Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and be awarded eternal life""","['john', 'came', 'fifth', 'awarded', 'toaster']","['lord', 'said', 'unto', 'john', 'come', 'forth', 'awarded', 'eternal', 'life']","['john', 'came', 'fifth', 'awarded', 'toaster', 'lord', 'said', 'unto', 'john', 'come', 'forth', 'awarded', 'eternal', 'life']",14
"""What!"" asks the shocked mother, ""Why on Earth would you ask for that?""

""Well,"" replies the boy, ""isn't that what you give dad when his shit can't get hard?""
",4vbujw,54,"A little boy, suffering with diarrhea, asks his mom for some Viagra...","['asks', 'shocked', 'mother', 'earth', 'would', 'ask', 'well', 'reply', 'boy', 'give', 'dad', 'shit', 'ca', 'get', 'hard']","['little', 'boy', 'suffering', 'diarrhea', 'asks', 'mom', 'viagra']","['asks', 'shocked', 'mother', 'earth', 'would', 'ask', 'well', 'reply', 'boy', 'give', 'dad', 'shit', 'ca', 'get', 'hard', 'little', 'boy', 'suffering', 'diarrhea', 'asks', 'mom', 'viagra']",22
"""Jethro, I need you to fix the outhouse.""

""What fer ma?""

""Jis go 'n hava look.""

So Jethro walks out to the outhouse, opens the door, and looks, ""I don't see nothin wrong here ma,"" he says.

""Look closer,"" says Ma.  Jethro moves into the outhouse.

""Still don't see nuthin,"" he says.

""Stick yer head in the hole.""

""But, Ma.""

""Jis do it."" Of course Jethro knows better than to disobey his ma, so he sticks his head into the hole.

Then he hollers, ""Oww, Ma, my beard's stuck.""

""Aggravating isn't it?""",1fvvc4,54,"Hillbilly Ma says to her son,","['jethro', 'need', 'fix', 'outhouse', 'fer', 'ji', 'go', 'hava', 'look', 'jethro', 'walk', 'outhouse', 'open', 'door', 'look', 'see', 'nothin', 'wrong', 'say', 'look', 'closer', 'say', 'jethro', 'move', 'outhouse', 'still', 'see', 'nuthin', 'say', 'stick', 'yer', 'head', 'hole', 'ji', 'course', 'jethro', 'know', 'better', 'disobey', 'stick', 'head', 'hole', 'holler', 'oww', 'beard', 'stuck', 'aggravating']","['hillbilly', 'say', 'son']","['jethro', 'need', 'fix', 'outhouse', 'fer', 'ji', 'go', 'hava', 'look', 'jethro', 'walk', 'outhouse', 'open', 'door', 'look', 'see', 'nothin', 'wrong', 'say', 'look', 'closer', 'say', 'jethro', 'move', 'outhouse', 'still', 'see', 'nuthin', 'say', 'stick', 'yer', 'head', 'hole', 'ji', 'course', 'jethro', 'know', 'better', 'disobey', 'stick', 'head', 'hole', 'holler', 'oww', 'beard', 'stuck', 'aggravating', 'hillbilly', 'say', 'son']",50
"Row, row, row your boat",2rg0qg,54,What's the Cuban national anthem?,"['row', 'row', 'row', 'boat']","['cuban', 'national', 'anthem']","['row', 'row', 'row', 'boat', 'cuban', 'national', 'anthem']",7
"Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman are walking along the beach together, when they come upon a lamp in the sand. Being familiar with such clichés, they picked up the lamp, rubbed it, and lo and behold a genie appeared before them.

""For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you both one wish each.""

Paddy Englishman goes first, and thinks silently for a moment:

""Well, genie, I love my country, and I'm sick of it being ruined by lazy immigrants who do nothing but live off of state benefits and handouts. I wish all the immigrants were gone from my country, and that it was just us English that lived there. Furthermore, I want a giant wall built around the coast and borders of England so nobody else can get in.""

""Done"" says the genie, and **poof** Paddy Englishman is back in England with the rest of his compatriots

""Genie,"" says Paddy Irishman, ""tell me more of this giant wall surrounding England""

""Well, it's over a mile high and half a mile thick. Nothing can get in or out."" the genie replied

Paddy Irishman thought for a moment, then looked to the genie and said:

""Fill it with water.""",1qlwsb,54,Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman,"['paddy', 'englishman', 'paddy', 'irishman', 'walking', 'along', 'beach', 'together', 'come', 'upon', 'lamp', 'sand', 'familiar', 'clichés', 'picked', 'lamp', 'rubbed', 'lo', 'behold', 'genie', 'appeared', 'releasing', 'prison', 'shall', 'grant', 'one', 'wish', 'paddy', 'englishman', 'go', 'first', 'think', 'silently', 'moment', 'well', 'genie', 'love', 'country', 'sick', 'ruined', 'lazy', 'immigrant', 'nothing', 'live', 'state', 'benefit', 'handout', 'wish', 'immigrant', 'gone', 'country', 'u', 'english', 'lived', 'furthermore', 'want', 'giant', 'wall', 'built', 'around', 'coast', 'border', 'england', 'nobody', 'else', 'get', 'done', 'say', 'genie', 'poof', 'paddy', 'englishman', 'back', 'england', 'rest', 'compatriot', 'genie', 'say', 'paddy', 'irishman', 'tell', 'giant', 'wall', 'surrounding', 'england', 'well', 'mile', 'high', 'half', 'mile', 'thick', 'nothing', 'get', 'genie', 'replied', 'paddy', 'irishman', 'thought', 'moment', 'looked', 'genie', 'said', 'fill', 'water']","['paddy', 'englishman', 'paddy', 'irishman']","['paddy', 'englishman', 'paddy', 'irishman', 'walking', 'along', 'beach', 'together', 'come', 'upon', 'lamp', 'sand', 'familiar', 'clichés', 'picked', 'lamp', 'rubbed', 'lo', 'behold', 'genie', 'appeared', 'releasing', 'prison', 'shall', 'grant', 'one', 'wish', 'paddy', 'englishman', 'go', 'first', 'think', 'silently', 'moment', 'well', 'genie', 'love', 'country', 'sick', 'ruined', 'lazy', 'immigrant', 'nothing', 'live', 'state', 'benefit', 'handout', 'wish', 'immigrant', 'gone', 'country', 'u', 'english', 'lived', 'furthermore', 'want', 'giant', 'wall', 'built', 'around', 'coast', 'border', 'england', 'nobody', 'else', 'get', 'done', 'say', 'genie', 'poof', 'paddy', 'englishman', 'back', 'england', 'rest', 'compatriot', 'genie', 'say', 'paddy', 'irishman', 'tell', 'giant', 'wall', 'surrounding', 'england', 'well', 'mile', 'high', 'half', 'mile', 'thick', 'nothing', 'get', 'genie', 'replied', 'paddy', 'irishman', 'thought', 'moment', 'looked', 'genie', 'said', 'fill', 'water', 'paddy', 'englishman', 'paddy', 'irishman']",108
"A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.

He replies, ""Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."" 
",4up3ow,54,$100 Bill Tattoo,"['guy', 'asks', 'tattoo', 'bill', 'penis', 'curious', 'tattoo', 'artist', 'asks', 'would', 'possibly', 'want', 'reply', 'three', 'reason', 'like', 'play', 'money', 'like', 'watch', 'money', 'grow', 'seems', 'thing', 'wife', 'blow', 'day']","['bill', 'tattoo']","['guy', 'asks', 'tattoo', 'bill', 'penis', 'curious', 'tattoo', 'artist', 'asks', 'would', 'possibly', 'want', 'reply', 'three', 'reason', 'like', 'play', 'money', 'like', 'watch', 'money', 'grow', 'seems', 'thing', 'wife', 'blow', 'day', 'bill', 'tattoo']",29
"Sorry, wrong bus!",4ogey3,54,I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA!,"['sorry', 'wrong', 'bus']","['acutely', 'dyslexic', 'often', 'forget', 'route', 'home', 'ama']","['sorry', 'wrong', 'bus', 'acutely', 'dyslexic', 'often', 'forget', 'route', 'home', 'ama']",10
Because they lost all their rights.,2kjs67,54,I heard people in jail can only turn left.,"['lost', 'right']","['heard', 'people', 'jail', 'turn', 'left']","['lost', 'right', 'heard', 'people', 'jail', 'turn', 'left']",7
"Last night I had a dream.  I dreamed that Hugh Hefner, publisher of Playboy died and went to Hell.  He was trapped in a small room with no doors or windows with an unattractive, hateful woman.  A voice boomed out from nowhere and said: ""Hugh Hefner, for your sins in life you shall spend eternity with this unattractive hateful woman.""  

Then I dreamed that Bob Guccione, publisher of Penthouse died and went to Hell.  Guccione was in a small room with no doors or windows with a  hideous looking, vile, hateful woman.  A voice boomed out from nowhere and said:  Bob Guccione, for your sins in life you shall spend eternity with this most vile of women.  

Then I dreamed that I died and went to Hell.  I was trapped in a small room with no windows or doors and in the room with me was Marilyn Monroe.  A voice boomed out from nowhere and said:  

""Marilyn Monroe, for your sins in life....""",3betwm,54,I had a dream.,"['last', 'night', 'dream', 'dreamed', 'hugh', 'hefner', 'publisher', 'playboy', 'died', 'went', 'hell', 'trapped', 'small', 'room', 'door', 'window', 'unattractive', 'hateful', 'woman', 'voice', 'boomed', 'nowhere', 'said', 'hugh', 'hefner', 'sin', 'life', 'shall', 'spend', 'eternity', 'unattractive', 'hateful', 'woman', 'dreamed', 'bob', 'guccione', 'publisher', 'penthouse', 'died', 'went', 'hell', 'guccione', 'small', 'room', 'door', 'window', 'hideous', 'looking', 'vile', 'hateful', 'woman', 'voice', 'boomed', 'nowhere', 'said', 'bob', 'guccione', 'sin', 'life', 'shall', 'spend', 'eternity', 'vile', 'woman', 'dreamed', 'died', 'went', 'hell', 'trapped', 'small', 'room', 'window', 'door', 'room', 'marilyn', 'monroe', 'voice', 'boomed', 'nowhere', 'said', 'marilyn', 'monroe', 'sin', 'life']",['dream'],"['last', 'night', 'dream', 'dreamed', 'hugh', 'hefner', 'publisher', 'playboy', 'died', 'went', 'hell', 'trapped', 'small', 'room', 'door', 'window', 'unattractive', 'hateful', 'woman', 'voice', 'boomed', 'nowhere', 'said', 'hugh', 'hefner', 'sin', 'life', 'shall', 'spend', 'eternity', 'unattractive', 'hateful', 'woman', 'dreamed', 'bob', 'guccione', 'publisher', 'penthouse', 'died', 'went', 'hell', 'guccione', 'small', 'room', 'door', 'window', 'hideous', 'looking', 'vile', 'hateful', 'woman', 'voice', 'boomed', 'nowhere', 'said', 'bob', 'guccione', 'sin', 'life', 'shall', 'spend', 'eternity', 'vile', 'woman', 'dreamed', 'died', 'went', 'hell', 'trapped', 'small', 'room', 'window', 'door', 'room', 'marilyn', 'monroe', 'voice', 'boomed', 'nowhere', 'said', 'marilyn', 'monroe', 'sin', 'life', 'dream']",85
"A lady is giving birth in the hospital. Her husband is sitting next to the doctor across the room from her. Suddenly a look of distress comes across her face and she begins screaming: ""CAN'T!.."" ""WON'T!.."" ""COULDN'T!.."" ""SHOULDN'T!.."". Her husband begins to feel deeply worried and turns to the doctor. The doctor turns back toward him, smiles and says: ""Don't worry, it's just contractions."".",4v88th,54,A lady is giving birth in the hospital...,"['lady', 'giving', 'birth', 'hospital', 'husband', 'sitting', 'next', 'doctor', 'across', 'room', 'suddenly', 'look', 'distress', 'come', 'across', 'face', 'begin', 'screaming', 'ca', 'wo', 'could', 'husband', 'begin', 'feel', 'deeply', 'worried', 'turn', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'turn', 'back', 'toward', 'smile', 'say', 'worry', 'contraction']","['lady', 'giving', 'birth', 'hospital']","['lady', 'giving', 'birth', 'hospital', 'husband', 'sitting', 'next', 'doctor', 'across', 'room', 'suddenly', 'look', 'distress', 'come', 'across', 'face', 'begin', 'screaming', 'ca', 'wo', 'could', 'husband', 'begin', 'feel', 'deeply', 'worried', 'turn', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'turn', 'back', 'toward', 'smile', 'say', 'worry', 'contraction', 'lady', 'giving', 'birth', 'hospital']",40
"One turns to the other and says, ""Can you smell fish?""",4x7qu5,54,Two parrots were sitting on a perch...,"['one', 'turn', 'say', 'smell', 'fish']","['two', 'parrot', 'sitting', 'perch']","['one', 'turn', 'say', 'smell', 'fish', 'two', 'parrot', 'sitting', 'perch']",9
I'd rather spend that £2 on a condom to prevent a kid's life.,52emrc,54,Why would I donate £2 to save a kid's life?,"['rather', 'spend', 'condom', 'prevent', 'kid', 'life']","['would', 'donate', 'save', 'kid', 'life']","['rather', 'spend', 'condom', 'prevent', 'kid', 'life', 'would', 'donate', 'save', 'kid', 'life']",11
Two Irishmen walked out of a pub.,2jelo3,54,The shortest Irish joke in the world.,"['two', 'irishman', 'walked', 'pub']","['shortest', 'irish', 'joke', 'world']","['two', 'irishman', 'walked', 'pub', 'shortest', 'irish', 'joke', 'world']",8
Because if you don't get it right the first time they make you do it again ;),2p03aq,54,Why is it fun to date teachers?,"['get', 'right', 'first', 'time', 'make']","['fun', 'date', 'teacher']","['get', 'right', 'first', 'time', 'make', 'fun', 'date', 'teacher']",8
Boo bees...... My dad just told me this one,3tiw7y,54,"If honey bees make honey, what type of bees make milk?","['boo', 'bee', 'dad', 'told', 'one']","['honey', 'bee', 'make', 'honey', 'type', 'bee', 'make', 'milk']","['boo', 'bee', 'dad', 'told', 'one', 'honey', 'bee', 'make', 'honey', 'type', 'bee', 'make', 'milk']",13
You pick up the wrong phone.,1bqgho,54,Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.,"['pick', 'wrong', 'phone']","['chuck', 'norris', 'dial', 'wrong', 'number']","['pick', 'wrong', 'phone', 'chuck', 'norris', 'dial', 'wrong', 'number']",8
A hockey player takes a shower after three periods.,2bjwfk,54,What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?,"['hockey', 'player', 'take', 'shower', 'three', 'period']","['difference', 'hippie', 'chick', 'hockey', 'player']","['hockey', 'player', 'take', 'shower', 'three', 'period', 'difference', 'hippie', 'chick', 'hockey', 'player']",11
,2riz49,54,A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.,[],"['recent', 'study', 'found', 'woman', 'carry', 'little', 'extra', 'weight', 'live', 'longer', 'men', 'mention']","['recent', 'study', 'found', 'woman', 'carry', 'little', 'extra', 'weight', 'live', 'longer', 'men', 'mention']",12
...but only one screw to fill it. ,3jif1g,54,It takes many nails to build a crib...,"['one', 'screw', 'fill']","['take', 'many', 'nail', 'build', 'crib']","['one', 'screw', 'fill', 'take', 'many', 'nail', 'build', 'crib']",8
"Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.",4y1s7u,54,Why is six afraid of seven?,"['six', 'since', 'left', 'vietnam', 'every', 'time', 'close', 'eye', 'see', 'charlie', 'hiding', 'darkness', 'forest', 'could', 'ever', 'see', 'bastard', 'mind', 'fast', 'knew', 'way', 'around', 'jungle', 'remembers', 'look', 'boy', 'face', 'walked', 'village', 'oh', 'jesus', 'think', 'sometimes', 'still', 'hears', 'tex', 'slow', 'southern', 'drawl', 'remembers', 'smell', 'brooklyn', 'cigarette', 'always', 'pack', 'luckys', 'boy', 'gone', 'know', 'forgets', 'sometimes', 'sometimes', 'way', 'seven', 'look', 'make', 'think', 'set', 'edge', 'feel', 'like', 'back', 'jungle', 'darkness', 'seven', 'hook', 'hand', 'well', 'scary']","['six', 'afraid', 'seven']","['six', 'since', 'left', 'vietnam', 'every', 'time', 'close', 'eye', 'see', 'charlie', 'hiding', 'darkness', 'forest', 'could', 'ever', 'see', 'bastard', 'mind', 'fast', 'knew', 'way', 'around', 'jungle', 'remembers', 'look', 'boy', 'face', 'walked', 'village', 'oh', 'jesus', 'think', 'sometimes', 'still', 'hears', 'tex', 'slow', 'southern', 'drawl', 'remembers', 'smell', 'brooklyn', 'cigarette', 'always', 'pack', 'luckys', 'boy', 'gone', 'know', 'forgets', 'sometimes', 'sometimes', 'way', 'seven', 'look', 'make', 'think', 'set', 'edge', 'feel', 'like', 'back', 'jungle', 'darkness', 'seven', 'hook', 'hand', 'well', 'scary', 'six', 'afraid', 'seven']",72
"A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and a masochist were hanging out at the park when the zoophile suddenly blurted out:

""Where do you find a cat around here? I really want to fuck a cat right now.""

""Well,"" said the sadist, ""When you are done with fucking the cat, let me strangle the life out of it.""

Not to be left out, the necrophiliac added: ""And when you are done killing the cat, let me fuck it!""

After hearing what the others have said, the masochist uttered a single word: *Meow*.
",2e73rs,54,What did the masochist say? [nsfw],"['zoophile', 'sadist', 'necrophiliac', 'masochist', 'hanging', 'park', 'zoophile', 'suddenly', 'blurted', 'find', 'cat', 'around', 'really', 'want', 'fuck', 'cat', 'right', 'well', 'said', 'sadist', 'done', 'fucking', 'cat', 'let', 'strangle', 'life', 'left', 'necrophiliac', 'added', 'done', 'killing', 'cat', 'let', 'fuck', 'hearing', 'others', 'said', 'masochist', 'uttered', 'single', 'word', 'meow']","['masochist', 'say', 'nsfw']","['zoophile', 'sadist', 'necrophiliac', 'masochist', 'hanging', 'park', 'zoophile', 'suddenly', 'blurted', 'find', 'cat', 'around', 'really', 'want', 'fuck', 'cat', 'right', 'well', 'said', 'sadist', 'done', 'fucking', 'cat', 'let', 'strangle', 'life', 'left', 'necrophiliac', 'added', 'done', 'killing', 'cat', 'let', 'fuck', 'hearing', 'others', 'said', 'masochist', 'uttered', 'single', 'word', 'meow', 'masochist', 'say', 'nsfw']",45
"In fact it's not a joke, it's what we call 'baika' here, a funny story from someone's life. So here it goes

A company of friends goes to Finnland. They move into a cottage village and one of them has to  take a shit after this really long way 'train - ferryboat - bus'. And it turns out to be a big-big shit. He presses the button to flush and the thing doesn't work.

So the guy realizes he doesn't speak Finnish and chambermaids presumably don't speak Russian. But Soviet education system is the best in the world, and finally he finds two words in English that could help him. He goes out, finds a chambermaid and says to her:

– Come!

She follows him to the WC, he shows this really big pile of shit and says:

– Look!

He presses the button, and... it works!


*sorry for my English*",2ggdd8,54,A Russian one (slightly NSFW),"['fact', 'joke', 'call', 'funny', 'story', 'someone', 'life', 'go', 'company', 'friend', 'go', 'finnland', 'move', 'cottage', 'village', 'one', 'take', 'shit', 'really', 'long', 'way', 'ferryboat', 'bus', 'turn', 'shit', 'press', 'button', 'flush', 'thing', 'work', 'guy', 'realizes', 'speak', 'finnish', 'chambermaid', 'presumably', 'speak', 'russian', 'soviet', 'education', 'system', 'best', 'world', 'finally', 'find', 'two', 'word', 'english', 'could', 'help', 'go', 'find', 'chambermaid', 'say', 'come', 'follows', 'wc', 'show', 'really', 'big', 'pile', 'shit', 'say', 'look', 'press', 'button', 'work', 'sorry', 'english']","['russian', 'one', 'slightly', 'nsfw']","['fact', 'joke', 'call', 'funny', 'story', 'someone', 'life', 'go', 'company', 'friend', 'go', 'finnland', 'move', 'cottage', 'village', 'one', 'take', 'shit', 'really', 'long', 'way', 'ferryboat', 'bus', 'turn', 'shit', 'press', 'button', 'flush', 'thing', 'work', 'guy', 'realizes', 'speak', 'finnish', 'chambermaid', 'presumably', 'speak', 'russian', 'soviet', 'education', 'system', 'best', 'world', 'finally', 'find', 'two', 'word', 'english', 'could', 'help', 'go', 'find', 'chambermaid', 'say', 'come', 'follows', 'wc', 'show', 'really', 'big', 'pile', 'shit', 'say', 'look', 'press', 'button', 'work', 'sorry', 'english', 'russian', 'one', 'slightly', 'nsfw']",73
"A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?


Jajaja",2n67qq,54,A Mexican Joke,"['mexican', 'man', 'find', 'much', 'needed', 'job', 'asks', 'owner', 'hire', 'owner', 'say', 'hire', 'come', 'sentence', 'using', 'word', 'choice', 'word', 'green', 'pink', 'yellow', 'mexican', 'think', 'second', 'reply', 'read', 'spanish', 'accent', 'phone', 'go', 'green', 'green', 'pink', 'say', 'yellow', 'jajaja']","['mexican', 'joke']","['mexican', 'man', 'find', 'much', 'needed', 'job', 'asks', 'owner', 'hire', 'owner', 'say', 'hire', 'come', 'sentence', 'using', 'word', 'choice', 'word', 'green', 'pink', 'yellow', 'mexican', 'think', 'second', 'reply', 'read', 'spanish', 'accent', 'phone', 'go', 'green', 'green', 'pink', 'say', 'yellow', 'jajaja', 'mexican', 'joke']",38
"""You've still got it!"" said somebody in the crowd.

Unfortunately it was the doctor with my latest test results.",2qzynx,54,Yesterday I was playing football for the first time in a year after suffering from a serious illness.,"['still', 'got', 'said', 'somebody', 'crowd', 'unfortunately', 'doctor', 'latest', 'test', 'result']","['yesterday', 'playing', 'football', 'first', 'time', 'year', 'suffering', 'serious', 'illness']","['still', 'got', 'said', 'somebody', 'crowd', 'unfortunately', 'doctor', 'latest', 'test', 'result', 'yesterday', 'playing', 'football', 'first', 'time', 'year', 'suffering', 'serious', 'illness']",19
"Tequila mockingbird


Or Ernest Hemingway",2oo6p7,54,What do you get when you mix up literature and alcohol?,"['tequila', 'mockingbird', 'ernest', 'hemingway']","['get', 'mix', 'literature', 'alcohol']","['tequila', 'mockingbird', 'ernest', 'hemingway', 'get', 'mix', 'literature', 'alcohol']",8
"and he's a very sore loser. He was losing so badly, that he got extremely angry, picked up the bag and started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.

I managed to dodge this, there and then. But I did not see that coming.",2v7vfu,54,I was playing a quiet game of Scrabble with a friend,"['sore', 'loser', 'losing', 'badly', 'got', 'extremely', 'angry', 'picked', 'bag', 'started', 'throwing', 'word', 'beginning', 'managed', 'dodge', 'see', 'coming']","['playing', 'quiet', 'game', 'scrabble', 'friend']","['sore', 'loser', 'losing', 'badly', 'got', 'extremely', 'angry', 'picked', 'bag', 'started', 'throwing', 'word', 'beginning', 'managed', 'dodge', 'see', 'coming', 'playing', 'quiet', 'game', 'scrabble', 'friend']",22
"
I was telling my son the ""knock knock who's there banana 

joke"", and he laughed and told me to tell it to him again. As 

I said knock knock he then backhanded my face and said ""you 

shouldn't stand so close to the door""

",4dajhw,54,My 5 year olds painful twist on a knock knock joke,"['telling', 'son', 'knock', 'knock', 'banana', 'joke', 'laughed', 'told', 'tell', 'said', 'knock', 'knock', 'backhanded', 'face', 'said', 'stand', 'close', 'door']","['year', 'old', 'painful', 'twist', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke']","['telling', 'son', 'knock', 'knock', 'banana', 'joke', 'laughed', 'told', 'tell', 'said', 'knock', 'knock', 'backhanded', 'face', 'said', 'stand', 'close', 'door', 'year', 'old', 'painful', 'twist', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke']",25
Which doesn't quite fit in the username box,37j7f3,54,Life is like a box of chocolates,"['quite', 'fit', 'username', 'box']","['life', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']","['quite', 'fit', 'username', 'box', 'life', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']",8
"interviewer: So what makes you think you're qualified for this position?  
man: Well, to be honest, I think it's in my genes.  
interviewer: You mean you have family members who have worked for Comcast?  
man: No, I mean my grandfather was a Nazi.",3edzxb,54,A man is applying for a position at Comcast,"['interviewer', 'make', 'think', 'qualified', 'position', 'man', 'well', 'honest', 'think', 'gene', 'interviewer', 'mean', 'family', 'member', 'worked', 'comcast', 'man', 'mean', 'grandfather', 'nazi']","['man', 'applying', 'position', 'comcast']","['interviewer', 'make', 'think', 'qualified', 'position', 'man', 'well', 'honest', 'think', 'gene', 'interviewer', 'mean', 'family', 'member', 'worked', 'comcast', 'man', 'mean', 'grandfather', 'nazi', 'man', 'applying', 'position', 'comcast']",24
"The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”


The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels …


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.",1puq05,54,Terrorism is a serious issue,"['english', 'feeling', 'pinch', 'relation', 'recent', 'event', 'syria', 'therefore', 'raised', 'security', 'level', 'miffed', 'soon', 'though', 'security', 'level', 'may', 'raised', 'yet', 'irritated', 'even', 'bit', 'english', 'bit', 'cross', 'since', 'blitz', 'tea', 'supply', 'nearly', 'ran', 'terrorist', 'tiresome', 'bloody', 'last', 'time', 'british', 'issued', 'bloody', 'nuisance', 'warning', 'level', 'threatened', 'spanish', 'armada', 'scot', 'raised', 'threat', 'level', 'pissed', 'let', 'get', 'level', 'reason', 'used', 'front', 'line', 'british', 'army', 'last', 'year', 'french', 'government', 'announced', 'yesterday', 'raised', 'terror', 'alert', 'level', 'run', 'two', 'higher', 'level', 'france', 'collaborate', 'rise', 'precipitated', 'recent', 'fire', 'destroyed', 'france', 'white', 'flag', 'factory', 'effectively', 'paralyzing', 'country', 'military', 'capability', 'italy', 'increased', 'alert', 'level', 'shout', 'loudly', 'excitedly', 'elaborate', 'military', 'two', 'level', 'remain', 'ineffective', 'combat', 'operation', 'change', 'german', 'increased', 'alert', 'state', 'disdainful', 'arrogance', 'dress', 'uniform', 'sing', 'marching', 'also', 'two', 'higher', 'level', 'invade', 'neighbour', 'belgian', 'hand', 'holiday', 'usual', 'threat', 'worried', 'nato', 'pulling', 'brussels', 'spanish', 'excited', 'see', 'new', 'submarine', 'ready', 'deploy', 'beautifully', 'designed', 'sub', 'glass', 'bottom', 'new', 'spanish', 'navy', 'get', 'really', 'good', 'look', 'old', 'spanish', 'navy', 'australia', 'meanwhile', 'raised', 'security', 'level', 'worry', 'right', 'two', 'escalation', 'level', 'remain', 'crikey', 'think', 'need', 'cancel', 'barbie', 'weekend', 'barbie', 'far', 'situation', 'ever', 'warranted', 'use', 'last', 'final', 'escalation', 'level']","['terrorism', 'serious', 'issue']","['english', 'feeling', 'pinch', 'relation', 'recent', 'event', 'syria', 'therefore', 'raised', 'security', 'level', 'miffed', 'soon', 'though', 'security', 'level', 'may', 'raised', 'yet', 'irritated', 'even', 'bit', 'english', 'bit', 'cross', 'since', 'blitz', 'tea', 'supply', 'nearly', 'ran', 'terrorist', 'tiresome', 'bloody', 'last', 'time', 'british', 'issued', 'bloody', 'nuisance', 'warning', 'level', 'threatened', 'spanish', 'armada', 'scot', 'raised', 'threat', 'level', 'pissed', 'let', 'get', 'level', 'reason', 'used', 'front', 'line', 'british', 'army', 'last', 'year', 'french', 'government', 'announced', 'yesterday', 'raised', 'terror', 'alert', 'level', 'run', 'two', 'higher', 'level', 'france', 'collaborate', 'rise', 'precipitated', 'recent', 'fire', 'destroyed', 'france', 'white', 'flag', 'factory', 'effectively', 'paralyzing', 'country', 'military', 'capability', 'italy', 'increased', 'alert', 'level', 'shout', 'loudly', 'excitedly', 'elaborate', 'military', 'two', 'level', 'remain', 'ineffective', 'combat', 'operation', 'change', 'german', 'increased', 'alert', 'state', 'disdainful', 'arrogance', 'dress', 'uniform', 'sing', 'marching', 'also', 'two', 'higher', 'level', 'invade', 'neighbour', 'belgian', 'hand', 'holiday', 'usual', 'threat', 'worried', 'nato', 'pulling', 'brussels', 'spanish', 'excited', 'see', 'new', 'submarine', 'ready', 'deploy', 'beautifully', 'designed', 'sub', 'glass', 'bottom', 'new', 'spanish', 'navy', 'get', 'really', 'good', 'look', 'old', 'spanish', 'navy', 'australia', 'meanwhile', 'raised', 'security', 'level', 'worry', 'right', 'two', 'escalation', 'level', 'remain', 'crikey', 'think', 'need', 'cancel', 'barbie', 'weekend', 'barbie', 'far', 'situation', 'ever', 'warranted', 'use', 'last', 'final', 'escalation', 'level', 'terrorism', 'serious', 'issue']",182
You can unscrew a lightbulb. ,1njag6,54,What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb?,"['unscrew', 'lightbulb']","['difference', 'pregnant', 'lady', 'lightbulb']","['unscrew', 'lightbulb', 'difference', 'pregnant', 'lady', 'lightbulb']",6
"Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

",3mrmsm,54,Why is religion like mobile gaming?,[],"['religion', 'like', 'mobile', 'gaming']","['religion', 'like', 'mobile', 'gaming']",4
"The parents and the doctor have a meeting to discuss the kid's future. To the doctor's surprise, the father's first question isn't about his son's ears. 

Father: ""How's his eyesight?""
Doctor: ""It seems fine, but why do you ask?""
Father: ""That's a HUGE relief, because if he had to wear glasses he'd be REALLY fucked""",2dc60m,54,A boy was born without ears...,"['parent', 'doctor', 'meeting', 'discus', 'kid', 'future', 'doctor', 'surprise', 'father', 'first', 'question', 'son', 'ear', 'father', 'eyesight', 'doctor', 'seems', 'fine', 'ask', 'father', 'huge', 'relief', 'wear', 'glass', 'really', 'fucked']","['boy', 'born', 'without', 'ear']","['parent', 'doctor', 'meeting', 'discus', 'kid', 'future', 'doctor', 'surprise', 'father', 'first', 'question', 'son', 'ear', 'father', 'eyesight', 'doctor', 'seems', 'fine', 'ask', 'father', 'huge', 'relief', 'wear', 'glass', 'really', 'fucked', 'boy', 'born', 'without', 'ear']",30
Minnow-pause,33vjje,54,What do you call it when fish stop having babies?,[],"['call', 'fish', 'stop', 'baby']","['call', 'fish', 'stop', 'baby']",4
"A blonde tells her husband 'I've been thinking'

He replies 'Take two aspirin, the pain will clear right up'.",1cqmz4,54,Another blonde joke,"['blonde', 'tell', 'husband', 'reply', 'two', 'aspirin', 'pain', 'clear', 'right']","['another', 'blonde', 'joke']","['blonde', 'tell', 'husband', 'reply', 'two', 'aspirin', 'pain', 'clear', 'right', 'another', 'blonde', 'joke']",12
"A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons.",3fynsf,54,It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion.,"['sealion', 'like', 'seal', 'either', 'gained', 'lost', 'electron']","['important', 'distinguish', 'seal', 'sealion']","['sealion', 'like', 'seal', 'either', 'gained', 'lost', 'electron', 'important', 'distinguish', 'seal', 'sealion']",11
My wife did not like her.,5skho5,54,I introduced my girlfriend to my family,"['wife', 'like']","['introduced', 'girlfriend', 'family']","['wife', 'like', 'introduced', 'girlfriend', 'family']",5
"'Mum, I have a stomach ache...'

'Don't worry, honey,' says the mother. 'It's only aching because you have an empty stomach.'

Little Johnny acknowledges this and calms down. In the evening, Little Johnny's parents welcome an esteemed guest: the Under Secretary of Interior. During the course of the evening, the Under Secretary says:

'Dear Madam, could I get some painkiller please? I have a horrible headache...'

Little Johnny looks up from his drawing in the corner and says:

'Don't worry, sir! It's only aching because you have an empty head!'",4y78ou,54,Little Johnny is complaining to his mother early in the morning,"['stomach', 'ache', 'worry', 'honey', 'say', 'mother', 'aching', 'empty', 'stomach', 'little', 'johnny', 'acknowledges', 'calm', 'evening', 'little', 'johnny', 'parent', 'welcome', 'esteemed', 'guest', 'secretary', 'interior', 'course', 'evening', 'secretary', 'say', 'madam', 'could', 'get', 'painkiller', 'please', 'horrible', 'headache', 'little', 'johnny', 'look', 'drawing', 'corner', 'say', 'worry', 'sir', 'aching', 'empty', 'head']","['little', 'johnny', 'complaining', 'mother', 'early', 'morning']","['stomach', 'ache', 'worry', 'honey', 'say', 'mother', 'aching', 'empty', 'stomach', 'little', 'johnny', 'acknowledges', 'calm', 'evening', 'little', 'johnny', 'parent', 'welcome', 'esteemed', 'guest', 'secretary', 'interior', 'course', 'evening', 'secretary', 'say', 'madam', 'could', 'get', 'painkiller', 'please', 'horrible', 'headache', 'little', 'johnny', 'look', 'drawing', 'corner', 'say', 'worry', 'sir', 'aching', 'empty', 'head', 'little', 'johnny', 'complaining', 'mother', 'early', 'morning']",50
Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas!,1r9bk6,54,What's the best thing about being a meth addict?,"['four', 'sleep', 'christmas']","['best', 'thing', 'meth', 'addict']","['four', 'sleep', 'christmas', 'best', 'thing', 'meth', 'addict']",7
"Doctor: ""No, last time I gave you some you threw your back out""
Patient: ""Doc, you dont understand. I got two girls coming over tonight.""
Doctor: ""All right, but you better not come in tomorrow complaining about your back""

The guy comes back into the doctor's office the next day.

Doctor: ""See I knew you'd throw your back out""
Patient: ""No doc, my back's fine. The girls never showed up, but I threw my shoulder out""",42p900,54,Guy goes to the doctor to get some viagra...,"['doctor', 'last', 'time', 'gave', 'threw', 'back', 'patient', 'doc', 'dont', 'understand', 'got', 'two', 'girl', 'coming', 'tonight', 'doctor', 'right', 'better', 'come', 'tomorrow', 'complaining', 'back', 'guy', 'come', 'back', 'doctor', 'office', 'next', 'day', 'doctor', 'see', 'knew', 'throw', 'back', 'patient', 'doc', 'back', 'fine', 'girl', 'never', 'showed', 'threw', 'shoulder']","['guy', 'go', 'doctor', 'get', 'viagra']","['doctor', 'last', 'time', 'gave', 'threw', 'back', 'patient', 'doc', 'dont', 'understand', 'got', 'two', 'girl', 'coming', 'tonight', 'doctor', 'right', 'better', 'come', 'tomorrow', 'complaining', 'back', 'guy', 'come', 'back', 'doctor', 'office', 'next', 'day', 'doctor', 'see', 'knew', 'throw', 'back', 'patient', 'doc', 'back', 'fine', 'girl', 'never', 'showed', 'threw', 'shoulder', 'guy', 'go', 'doctor', 'get', 'viagra']",48
"A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto  . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. 

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs. 

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts. 

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... 









 



What were you 
Thinking? 

Her husband speaks English! 

",3bvu9m,54,NO Speak English,"['russian', 'woman', 'married', 'canadian', 'gentleman', 'lived', 'happily', 'ever', 'toronto', 'poor', 'lady', 'proficient', 'english', 'manage', 'communicate', 'husband', 'real', 'problem', 'arose', 'whenever', 'shop', 'grocery', 'one', 'day', 'went', 'butcher', 'wanted', 'buy', 'chicken', 'leg', 'know', 'put', 'forward', 'request', 'desperation', 'clucked', 'like', 'chicken', 'lifted', 'skirt', 'show', 'thigh', 'butcher', 'got', 'message', 'gave', 'chicken', 'leg', 'next', 'day', 'needed', 'get', 'chicken', 'breast', 'know', 'say', 'clucked', 'like', 'chicken', 'unbuttoned', 'blouse', 'show', 'butcher', 'breast', 'butcher', 'understood', 'gave', 'chicken', 'breast', 'day', 'poor', 'lady', 'needed', 'buy', 'sausage', 'unable', 'find', 'way', 'communicate', 'brought', 'husband', 'store', 'thinking', 'husband', 'speaks', 'english']","['speak', 'english']","['russian', 'woman', 'married', 'canadian', 'gentleman', 'lived', 'happily', 'ever', 'toronto', 'poor', 'lady', 'proficient', 'english', 'manage', 'communicate', 'husband', 'real', 'problem', 'arose', 'whenever', 'shop', 'grocery', 'one', 'day', 'went', 'butcher', 'wanted', 'buy', 'chicken', 'leg', 'know', 'put', 'forward', 'request', 'desperation', 'clucked', 'like', 'chicken', 'lifted', 'skirt', 'show', 'thigh', 'butcher', 'got', 'message', 'gave', 'chicken', 'leg', 'next', 'day', 'needed', 'get', 'chicken', 'breast', 'know', 'say', 'clucked', 'like', 'chicken', 'unbuttoned', 'blouse', 'show', 'butcher', 'breast', 'butcher', 'understood', 'gave', 'chicken', 'breast', 'day', 'poor', 'lady', 'needed', 'buy', 'sausage', 'unable', 'find', 'way', 'communicate', 'brought', 'husband', 'store', 'thinking', 'husband', 'speaks', 'english', 'speak', 'english']",88
But I can pull a hair out of my ass. ,1em6rx,54,I can't pull a rabbit out of a hat.,"['pull', 'hair', 'as']","['ca', 'pull', 'rabbit', 'hat']","['pull', 'hair', 'as', 'ca', 'pull', 'rabbit', 'hat']",7
"Live longer, than the men, that mention it.",27uvv9,54,"Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight...","['live', 'longer', 'men', 'mention']","['latest', 'reserch', 'show', 'woman', 'extra', 'weight']","['live', 'longer', 'men', 'mention', 'latest', 'reserch', 'show', 'woman', 'extra', 'weight']",10
Defeeted,3cifvz,54,How did the woman feel after her legs were amputated?,['defeeted'],"['woman', 'feel', 'leg', 'amputated']","['defeeted', 'woman', 'feel', 'leg', 'amputated']",5
"Go for the juggler. 

This is my favorite joke that I have read on here. ",4z660l,54,What do you do when you get into a fight with a group of clowns?,"['go', 'juggler', 'favorite', 'joke', 'read']","['get', 'fight', 'group', 'clown']","['go', 'juggler', 'favorite', 'joke', 'read', 'get', 'fight', 'group', 'clown']",9
He's only got small legs.,1do8hs,54,What's E.T. short for?,"['got', 'small', 'leg']",['short'],"['got', 'small', 'leg', 'short']",4
Cross country,4otfrn,54,What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event?,"['cross', 'country']","['mexican', 'favorite', 'olympic', 'event']","['cross', 'country', 'mexican', 'favorite', 'olympic', 'event']",6
"a discussion between a drunk guest and another guest:

*- Damn me if that's not the most ugly bride i have ever seen!*
- Excuse me?!!! That's my daughter!!!
*- Oh, sorry i didn't know you are her father!*
- I'm not her father, i'm her mother!",2bxmsk,54,At a wedding...,"['discussion', 'drunk', 'guest', 'another', 'guest', 'damn', 'ugly', 'bride', 'ever', 'seen', 'excuse', 'daughter', 'oh', 'sorry', 'know', 'father', 'father', 'mother']",['wedding'],"['discussion', 'drunk', 'guest', 'another', 'guest', 'damn', 'ugly', 'bride', 'ever', 'seen', 'excuse', 'daughter', 'oh', 'sorry', 'know', 'father', 'father', 'mother', 'wedding']",19
Look for the fresh prints.,4y9tpl,54,How do you find Will Smith in the snow?,"['look', 'fresh', 'print']","['find', 'smith', 'snow']","['look', 'fresh', 'print', 'find', 'smith', 'snow']",6
"At school one day Little Johnny's teacher announced that she was going to say a famous quote and that whoever could correctly guess the person who said that quote would be able to leave school early.  Little Johnny gets all excited because he knows his history.

So the teacher asks first:  ""Who said 'Four score and seven years ago..'""  Little Johnny immediately raises his hand.  

""Yes Sarah who said that?"" the teacher asks.

""Well President Abraham Lincoln said that.""

""Very good Sarah.  You can go home early now.""

Little Johnny is annoyed but knows he will get the next one right.  Then the teacher asks:  ""Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you....'""

Little Johnny is almost jumping out of his seat at this point.  The teacher says ""Ok Barbara, who said that?""

""President John F. Kennedy said that ma'am.""

""Very good Barbara.  You can go home early.""

Little Johnny gets so angry he yells out ""I wish all you bitches would shut the hell up!!""

The teacher looks around and says ""Who said that?""

Little Johnny raises his hand and says ""Tiger Woods can I go home now?""
",2pdjmu,54,Famous quotes....,"['school', 'one', 'day', 'little', 'johnny', 'teacher', 'announced', 'going', 'say', 'famous', 'quote', 'whoever', 'could', 'correctly', 'guess', 'person', 'said', 'quote', 'would', 'able', 'leave', 'school', 'early', 'little', 'johnny', 'get', 'excited', 'know', 'history', 'teacher', 'asks', 'first', 'said', 'score', 'seven', 'year', 'ago', 'little', 'johnny', 'immediately', 'raise', 'hand', 'yes', 'sarah', 'said', 'teacher', 'asks', 'well', 'president', 'abraham', 'lincoln', 'said', 'good', 'sarah', 'go', 'home', 'early', 'little', 'johnny', 'annoyed', 'know', 'get', 'next', 'one', 'right', 'teacher', 'asks', 'said', 'country', 'little', 'johnny', 'almost', 'jumping', 'seat', 'point', 'teacher', 'say', 'ok', 'barbara', 'said', 'president', 'john', 'kennedy', 'said', 'good', 'barbara', 'go', 'home', 'early', 'little', 'johnny', 'get', 'angry', 'yell', 'wish', 'bitch', 'would', 'shut', 'hell', 'teacher', 'look', 'around', 'say', 'said', 'little', 'johnny', 'raise', 'hand', 'say', 'tiger', 'wood', 'go', 'home']","['famous', 'quote']","['school', 'one', 'day', 'little', 'johnny', 'teacher', 'announced', 'going', 'say', 'famous', 'quote', 'whoever', 'could', 'correctly', 'guess', 'person', 'said', 'quote', 'would', 'able', 'leave', 'school', 'early', 'little', 'johnny', 'get', 'excited', 'know', 'history', 'teacher', 'asks', 'first', 'said', 'score', 'seven', 'year', 'ago', 'little', 'johnny', 'immediately', 'raise', 'hand', 'yes', 'sarah', 'said', 'teacher', 'asks', 'well', 'president', 'abraham', 'lincoln', 'said', 'good', 'sarah', 'go', 'home', 'early', 'little', 'johnny', 'annoyed', 'know', 'get', 'next', 'one', 'right', 'teacher', 'asks', 'said', 'country', 'little', 'johnny', 'almost', 'jumping', 'seat', 'point', 'teacher', 'say', 'ok', 'barbara', 'said', 'president', 'john', 'kennedy', 'said', 'good', 'barbara', 'go', 'home', 'early', 'little', 'johnny', 'get', 'angry', 'yell', 'wish', 'bitch', 'would', 'shut', 'hell', 'teacher', 'look', 'around', 'say', 'said', 'little', 'johnny', 'raise', 'hand', 'say', 'tiger', 'wood', 'go', 'home', 'famous', 'quote']",115
"What do we want? ""MORE TIME TRAVEL JOKES!""
When do we want them? ""RIGH",2nfmbn,54,"T NOW!""","['want', 'time', 'travel', 'joke', 'want', 'righ']",[],"['want', 'time', 'travel', 'joke', 'want', 'righ']",6
"Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a sex addict, and a pothead.

The devil goes up to these guys and says - listen, I'm feeling nice today. I'm going to let each of you choose ONE thing and I'll lock you away in a room for a thousand years with it. The guys all look at each other in disbelief, thinking this deal is too good to be true. So the devil asks the fat guy what will it be. He responds- FOOD! the sex addict says he wants to HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN! the pothead says ill take some WEED! 

So now, a thousand years goes by and the devil decides to go open these three doors. When he opens the door to the fat guy, a 6 foot wave of disgusting smelly shit and piss comes flowing out, because he gave the fat guy all this food but no toilets. He opens the door to the sex addict and he finds a guy covered in blisters and STDs because he didn't have any condoms. Now the devil gets to the last door. He opens the door to the pothead and the pothead says - YOU GOT FUCKIN A LIGHT MAN!?!",4tourn,54,"Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a sex addict, and a pothead...","['three', 'guy', 'go', 'hell', 'fat', 'guy', 'sex', 'addict', 'pothead', 'devil', 'go', 'guy', 'say', 'listen', 'feeling', 'nice', 'today', 'going', 'let', 'choose', 'one', 'thing', 'lock', 'away', 'room', 'thousand', 'year', 'guy', 'look', 'disbelief', 'thinking', 'deal', 'good', 'true', 'devil', 'asks', 'fat', 'guy', 'food', 'sex', 'addict', 'say', 'want', 'sex', 'woman', 'pothead', 'say', 'ill', 'take', 'weed', 'thousand', 'year', 'go', 'devil', 'decides', 'go', 'open', 'three', 'door', 'open', 'door', 'fat', 'guy', 'foot', 'wave', 'disgusting', 'smelly', 'shit', 'piss', 'come', 'flowing', 'gave', 'fat', 'guy', 'food', 'toilet', 'open', 'door', 'sex', 'addict', 'find', 'guy', 'covered', 'blister', 'std', 'condom', 'devil', 'get', 'last', 'door', 'open', 'door', 'pothead', 'pothead', 'say', 'got', 'fuckin', 'light', 'man']","['three', 'guy', 'go', 'hell', 'fat', 'guy', 'sex', 'addict', 'pothead']","['three', 'guy', 'go', 'hell', 'fat', 'guy', 'sex', 'addict', 'pothead', 'devil', 'go', 'guy', 'say', 'listen', 'feeling', 'nice', 'today', 'going', 'let', 'choose', 'one', 'thing', 'lock', 'away', 'room', 'thousand', 'year', 'guy', 'look', 'disbelief', 'thinking', 'deal', 'good', 'true', 'devil', 'asks', 'fat', 'guy', 'food', 'sex', 'addict', 'say', 'want', 'sex', 'woman', 'pothead', 'say', 'ill', 'take', 'weed', 'thousand', 'year', 'go', 'devil', 'decides', 'go', 'open', 'three', 'door', 'open', 'door', 'fat', 'guy', 'foot', 'wave', 'disgusting', 'smelly', 'shit', 'piss', 'come', 'flowing', 'gave', 'fat', 'guy', 'food', 'toilet', 'open', 'door', 'sex', 'addict', 'find', 'guy', 'covered', 'blister', 'std', 'condom', 'devil', 'get', 'last', 'door', 'open', 'door', 'pothead', 'pothead', 'say', 'got', 'fuckin', 'light', 'man', 'three', 'guy', 'go', 'hell', 'fat', 'guy', 'sex', 'addict', 'pothead']",108
So people don't mistake them for feminists,1os7nt,54,Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?,"['people', 'mistake', 'feminist']","['sumo', 'wrestler', 'shave', 'leg']","['people', 'mistake', 'feminist', 'sumo', 'wrestler', 'shave', 'leg']",7
"A Russian billionaire moved to London, but after a week he felt terribly ill. So he went to the doctor. “Doctor, doctor,” he said, “I just moved here from Moscow, and I feel so terribly sick.” The doctor examined him and said, “I think I have just the cure. This is what you need to do: get a bucket, put a dead fish in it, piss in it, pour in a bottle of vodka and a glass of gasoline, then mix it all together with a stick. Cover it and let it sit for a few days, then take a good long whiff of it every day for one week.”
Two weeks later the Russian returned to the doctor: “Doctor, I’m cured, thank you so much! What was wrong with me?”
“You were homesick.”",2rf8vs,54,A Russian billionaire moved to London…,"['russian', 'billionaire', 'moved', 'london', 'week', 'felt', 'terribly', 'ill', 'went', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'said', 'moved', 'moscow', 'feel', 'terribly', 'doctor', 'examined', 'said', 'think', 'cure', 'need', 'get', 'bucket', 'put', 'dead', 'fish', 'piss', 'pour', 'bottle', 'vodka', 'glass', 'gasoline', 'mix', 'together', 'stick', 'cover', 'let', 'sit', 'day', 'take', 'good', 'long', 'whiff', 'every', 'day', 'one', 'two', 'week', 'later', 'russian', 'returned', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'cured', 'thank', 'much', 'wrong', 'homesick']","['russian', 'billionaire', 'moved']","['russian', 'billionaire', 'moved', 'london', 'week', 'felt', 'terribly', 'ill', 'went', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'said', 'moved', 'moscow', 'feel', 'terribly', 'doctor', 'examined', 'said', 'think', 'cure', 'need', 'get', 'bucket', 'put', 'dead', 'fish', 'piss', 'pour', 'bottle', 'vodka', 'glass', 'gasoline', 'mix', 'together', 'stick', 'cover', 'let', 'sit', 'day', 'take', 'good', 'long', 'whiff', 'every', 'day', 'one', 'two', 'week', 'later', 'russian', 'returned', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'cured', 'thank', 'much', 'wrong', 'homesick', 'russian', 'billionaire', 'moved']",63
Neither did he.,4p2f0p,54,Did you hear about the guy that was born without ears?,['neither'],"['hear', 'guy', 'born', 'without', 'ear']","['neither', 'hear', 'guy', 'born', 'without', 'ear']",6
"... if you're fat, it won't last long.",46refl,54,Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates...,"['fat', 'wo', 'last', 'long']","['momma', 'always', 'said', 'life', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']","['fat', 'wo', 'last', 'long', 'momma', 'always', 'said', 'life', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']",11
because every time I burn it I get stoned.,2h4g3x,54,I call my weed the Quran...,"['every', 'time', 'burn', 'get', 'stoned']","['call', 'weed', 'quran']","['every', 'time', 'burn', 'get', 'stoned', 'call', 'weed', 'quran']",8
"The dog sniffs around me for a bit and barks to the officer. 
The officer walks up to me and says, ""Where are the drugs? The dog says he could smell them off you."" 
I reply, ""Drugs? What drugs? You're the one talking to dogs.""",32f4pi,54,A Cop and His Trained Dog Stop me on a Sidewalk,"['dog', 'sniff', 'around', 'bit', 'bark', 'officer', 'officer', 'walk', 'say', 'drug', 'dog', 'say', 'could', 'smell', 'reply', 'drug', 'drug', 'one', 'talking', 'dog']","['cop', 'trained', 'dog', 'stop', 'sidewalk']","['dog', 'sniff', 'around', 'bit', 'bark', 'officer', 'officer', 'walk', 'say', 'drug', 'dog', 'say', 'could', 'smell', 'reply', 'drug', 'drug', 'one', 'talking', 'dog', 'cop', 'trained', 'dog', 'stop', 'sidewalk']",25
"My grandmother died in 1975, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store on Brunswick Street , the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk… 
Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 10. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. 
“And remember always this thing,” she said. “Be sure you marry a woman with small hands.” 
 “How come, Grandma?” I asked her. She answered in her soft voice.. 
“Makes your dick look bigger.” 
",3a6qgl,54,Grandma,"['grandmother', 'died', 'birthday', 'coming', 'always', 'cause', 'reminisce', 'long', 'walk', 'used', 'take', 'store', 'brunswick', 'street', 'quarter', 'gave', 'meaningless', 'job', 'like', 'pulling', 'weed', 'washing', 'gem', 'good', 'one', 'remember', 'jewel', 'crown', 'grandmotherly', 'advice', 'occurred', 'sitting', 'park', 'finished', 'collecting', 'soda', 'bottle', 'deposit', 'money', 'beautiful', 'spring', 'day', 'told', 'one', 'day', 'would', 'find', 'wonderful', 'woman', 'start', 'family', 'remember', 'always', 'thing', 'said', 'sure', 'marry', 'woman', 'small', 'come', 'grandma', 'asked', 'answered', 'soft', 'voice', 'make', 'dick', 'look', 'bigger']",['grandma'],"['grandmother', 'died', 'birthday', 'coming', 'always', 'cause', 'reminisce', 'long', 'walk', 'used', 'take', 'store', 'brunswick', 'street', 'quarter', 'gave', 'meaningless', 'job', 'like', 'pulling', 'weed', 'washing', 'gem', 'good', 'one', 'remember', 'jewel', 'crown', 'grandmotherly', 'advice', 'occurred', 'sitting', 'park', 'finished', 'collecting', 'soda', 'bottle', 'deposit', 'money', 'beautiful', 'spring', 'day', 'told', 'one', 'day', 'would', 'find', 'wonderful', 'woman', 'start', 'family', 'remember', 'always', 'thing', 'said', 'sure', 'marry', 'woman', 'small', 'come', 'grandma', 'asked', 'answered', 'soft', 'voice', 'make', 'dick', 'look', 'bigger', 'grandma']",70
"a beautiful woman enters the bus. She takes the seat next to him and both start to exchange looks.

After a while the man takes all his confidence and asks her ""So, what's your name, beautiful lady?""

She smiles and says ""Carmen! ... but my real name is Sarah actually.""

""So why do you prefer Carmen then?!""

""Well... first of all... I like cars... and the second reason is: I loooove men!""

""That makes sense!"" says the man laughing.

""So what is your name?"" Carmen asks with a big smiley on her lips.

""My name is beercunt."" 


",3coch0,54,A man sits in a bus when...,"['beautiful', 'woman', 'enters', 'bus', 'take', 'seat', 'next', 'start', 'exchange', 'look', 'man', 'take', 'confidence', 'asks', 'name', 'beautiful', 'lady', 'smile', 'say', 'carmen', 'real', 'name', 'sarah', 'actually', 'prefer', 'carmen', 'well', 'first', 'like', 'car', 'second', 'reason', 'loooove', 'men', 'make', 'sense', 'say', 'man', 'laughing', 'name', 'carmen', 'asks', 'big', 'smiley', 'lip', 'name', 'beercunt']","['man', 'sits', 'bus']","['beautiful', 'woman', 'enters', 'bus', 'take', 'seat', 'next', 'start', 'exchange', 'look', 'man', 'take', 'confidence', 'asks', 'name', 'beautiful', 'lady', 'smile', 'say', 'carmen', 'real', 'name', 'sarah', 'actually', 'prefer', 'carmen', 'well', 'first', 'like', 'car', 'second', 'reason', 'loooove', 'men', 'make', 'sense', 'say', 'man', 'laughing', 'name', 'carmen', 'asks', 'big', 'smiley', 'lip', 'name', 'beercunt', 'man', 'sits', 'bus']",50
"To find his wife sitting seductively on the couch in sexy lingerie. She looks at him coyly and asks, ""Have you ever seen a dollar all crumpled up?""

The man replies, ""No...""

His wife reaches near her breast and pulls out a crumpled up $1 bill. She then asks him, ""Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?""

""Not that I'm aware of."" Says the man with a puzzled look on his face.

His wife pulls a $50 bill out of her garter, crumples it up, and throws it at his feet.  

She then asks him, ""Have you ever seen *fifty thousand dollars* all crumpled up?

""I'm certain that's something I've never seen."" Her husband says with confidence.

His wife says, ""Go look in the garage, I wrecked the car""",2whzli,54,A man comes home...,"['find', 'wife', 'sitting', 'seductively', 'couch', 'sexy', 'lingerie', 'look', 'coyly', 'asks', 'ever', 'seen', 'dollar', 'crumpled', 'man', 'reply', 'wife', 'reach', 'near', 'breast', 'pull', 'crumpled', 'bill', 'asks', 'ever', 'seen', 'fifty', 'dollar', 'crumpled', 'aware', 'say', 'man', 'puzzled', 'look', 'face', 'wife', 'pull', 'bill', 'garter', 'crumples', 'throw', 'foot', 'asks', 'ever', 'seen', 'fifty', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'crumpled', 'certain', 'something', 'never', 'seen', 'husband', 'say', 'confidence', 'wife', 'say', 'go', 'look', 'garage', 'wrecked', 'car']","['man', 'come', 'home']","['find', 'wife', 'sitting', 'seductively', 'couch', 'sexy', 'lingerie', 'look', 'coyly', 'asks', 'ever', 'seen', 'dollar', 'crumpled', 'man', 'reply', 'wife', 'reach', 'near', 'breast', 'pull', 'crumpled', 'bill', 'asks', 'ever', 'seen', 'fifty', 'dollar', 'crumpled', 'aware', 'say', 'man', 'puzzled', 'look', 'face', 'wife', 'pull', 'bill', 'garter', 'crumples', 'throw', 'foot', 'asks', 'ever', 'seen', 'fifty', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'crumpled', 'certain', 'something', 'never', 'seen', 'husband', 'say', 'confidence', 'wife', 'say', 'go', 'look', 'garage', 'wrecked', 'car', 'man', 'come', 'home']",66
Nun,4oncfb,54,How much pussy does a Monk get?,['nun'],"['much', 'pussy', 'monk', 'get']","['nun', 'much', 'pussy', 'monk', 'get']",5
"Satan walks in, takes a seat, and starts talking.

""I'm here to make you an offer. I will give you all the fame, success, power, and wealth that you've ever desired. You'll be the top of your field; you can even get into politics, if you want. Schools will adopt your name. Want to own an island? How about three islands? All of that, and more...  
""...and the only thing I ask for in exchange is a promise from you. You promise that your soul, the soul of your wife, and the souls of your children will be mine for all eternity.""  

The lawyer says nothing. He stands up, scratches his chin, and wanders around the office for a few minutes, thinking. Finally he turns to Satan and says incredulously, ""All right, all right, wait just a second here. What's the catch?""",1h4ofa,54,"A lawyer is working late one night. There's a knock on his door, and in walks Satan...","['satan', 'walk', 'take', 'seat', 'start', 'talking', 'make', 'offer', 'give', 'fame', 'success', 'power', 'wealth', 'ever', 'desired', 'top', 'field', 'even', 'get', 'politics', 'want', 'school', 'adopt', 'name', 'want', 'island', 'three', 'island', 'thing', 'ask', 'exchange', 'promise', 'promise', 'soul', 'soul', 'wife', 'soul', 'child', 'mine', 'eternity', 'lawyer', 'say', 'nothing', 'stand', 'scratch', 'chin', 'wanders', 'around', 'office', 'minute', 'thinking', 'finally', 'turn', 'satan', 'say', 'incredulously', 'right', 'right', 'wait', 'second', 'catch']","['lawyer', 'working', 'late', 'one', 'night', 'knock', 'door', 'walk', 'satan']","['satan', 'walk', 'take', 'seat', 'start', 'talking', 'make', 'offer', 'give', 'fame', 'success', 'power', 'wealth', 'ever', 'desired', 'top', 'field', 'even', 'get', 'politics', 'want', 'school', 'adopt', 'name', 'want', 'island', 'three', 'island', 'thing', 'ask', 'exchange', 'promise', 'promise', 'soul', 'soul', 'wife', 'soul', 'child', 'mine', 'eternity', 'lawyer', 'say', 'nothing', 'stand', 'scratch', 'chin', 'wanders', 'around', 'office', 'minute', 'thinking', 'finally', 'turn', 'satan', 'say', 'incredulously', 'right', 'right', 'wait', 'second', 'catch', 'lawyer', 'working', 'late', 'one', 'night', 'knock', 'door', 'walk', 'satan']",70
"MAN: I’d like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He’s at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I’m sorry; I can’t sell this dog food to you unless Isee the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I’d like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He’s at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can’t sell this cat food to you unless I see
your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What’s in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It’s warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.",32kt45,54,I’d like to buy some dog food,"['man', 'like', 'buy', 'dog', 'food', 'checkout', 'lady', 'dog', 'man', 'yes', 'checkout', 'lady', 'man', 'home', 'checkout', 'lady', 'sorry', 'sell', 'dog', 'food', 'unless', 'isee', 'dog', 'store', 'policy', 'next', 'day', 'man', 'return', 'man', 'like', 'buy', 'cat', 'food', 'checkout', 'lady', 'cat', 'man', 'yes', 'checkout', 'lady', 'well', 'man', 'home', 'checkout', 'lady', 'sorry', 'sell', 'cat', 'food', 'unless', 'see', 'cat', 'next', 'day', 'man', 'return', 'checkout', 'lady', 'sack', 'man', 'put', 'hand', 'inside', 'checkout', 'lady', 'hmmm', 'warm', 'moist', 'man', 'would', 'like', 'buy', 'toilet', 'paper']","['like', 'buy', 'dog', 'food']","['man', 'like', 'buy', 'dog', 'food', 'checkout', 'lady', 'dog', 'man', 'yes', 'checkout', 'lady', 'man', 'home', 'checkout', 'lady', 'sorry', 'sell', 'dog', 'food', 'unless', 'isee', 'dog', 'store', 'policy', 'next', 'day', 'man', 'return', 'man', 'like', 'buy', 'cat', 'food', 'checkout', 'lady', 'cat', 'man', 'yes', 'checkout', 'lady', 'well', 'man', 'home', 'checkout', 'lady', 'sorry', 'sell', 'cat', 'food', 'unless', 'see', 'cat', 'next', 'day', 'man', 'return', 'checkout', 'lady', 'sack', 'man', 'put', 'hand', 'inside', 'checkout', 'lady', 'hmmm', 'warm', 'moist', 'man', 'would', 'like', 'buy', 'toilet', 'paper', 'like', 'buy', 'dog', 'food']",79
"with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!' 

I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'",2c2ezc,54,I was driving past the prison the other day...,"['friend', 'mine', 'sudden', 'start', 'shouting', 'pointing', 'midget', 'escaping', 'gone', 'wall', 'climbing', 'slammed', 'brake', 'said', 'hang', 'ca', 'say', 'midget', 'little']","['driving', 'past', 'prison', 'day']","['friend', 'mine', 'sudden', 'start', 'shouting', 'pointing', 'midget', 'escaping', 'gone', 'wall', 'climbing', 'slammed', 'brake', 'said', 'hang', 'ca', 'say', 'midget', 'little', 'driving', 'past', 'prison', 'day']",23
"This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. 

The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. 

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. 

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in !!!”
",3tkela,54,Do you fart in bed ?,"['story', 'couple', 'happily', 'married', 'year', 'friction', 'marriage', 'husband', 'habit', 'farting', 'loudly', 'every', 'morning', 'awoke', 'noise', 'would', 'wake', 'wife', 'smell', 'would', 'make', 'eye', 'water', 'make', 'gasp', 'air', 'every', 'morning', 'would', 'plead', 'stop', 'ripping', 'making', 'sick', 'told', 'could', 'stop', 'perfectly', 'natural', 'told', 'see', 'doctor', 'concerned', 'one', 'day', 'would', 'blow', 'gut', 'year', 'went', 'continued', 'rip', 'one', 'christmas', 'day', 'morning', 'preparing', 'turkey', 'dinner', 'upstairs', 'sound', 'asleep', 'looked', 'innards', 'neck', 'gizzard', 'liver', 'spare', 'part', 'malicious', 'thought', 'came', 'took', 'bowl', 'went', 'upstairs', 'husband', 'sound', 'asleep', 'gently', 'pulling', 'bed', 'cover', 'back', 'pulled', 'back', 'elastic', 'waistband', 'underpants', 'emptied', 'bowl', 'turkey', 'gut', 'short', 'sometime', 'later', 'heard', 'husband', 'waken', 'usual', 'trumpeting', 'followed', 'blood', 'curdling', 'scream', 'sound', 'frantic', 'footstep', 'ran', 'bath', 'room', 'wife', 'could', 'hardly', 'control', 'rolled', 'floor', 'laughing', 'tear', 'eye', 'year', 'torture', 'reckoned', 'got', 'back', 'pretty', 'good', 'twenty', 'minute', 'later', 'husband', 'came', 'downstairs', 'blood', 'stained', 'underpants', 'look', 'horror', 'face', 'bit', 'lip', 'asked', 'matter', 'said', 'honey', 'year', 'warned', 'listen', 'mean', 'asked', 'wife', 'well', 'always', 'told', 'one', 'day', 'would', 'end', 'farting', 'gut', 'today', 'finally', 'happened', 'grace', 'god', 'vaseline', 'two', 'finger', 'think', 'got', 'back']","['fart', 'bed']","['story', 'couple', 'happily', 'married', 'year', 'friction', 'marriage', 'husband', 'habit', 'farting', 'loudly', 'every', 'morning', 'awoke', 'noise', 'would', 'wake', 'wife', 'smell', 'would', 'make', 'eye', 'water', 'make', 'gasp', 'air', 'every', 'morning', 'would', 'plead', 'stop', 'ripping', 'making', 'sick', 'told', 'could', 'stop', 'perfectly', 'natural', 'told', 'see', 'doctor', 'concerned', 'one', 'day', 'would', 'blow', 'gut', 'year', 'went', 'continued', 'rip', 'one', 'christmas', 'day', 'morning', 'preparing', 'turkey', 'dinner', 'upstairs', 'sound', 'asleep', 'looked', 'innards', 'neck', 'gizzard', 'liver', 'spare', 'part', 'malicious', 'thought', 'came', 'took', 'bowl', 'went', 'upstairs', 'husband', 'sound', 'asleep', 'gently', 'pulling', 'bed', 'cover', 'back', 'pulled', 'back', 'elastic', 'waistband', 'underpants', 'emptied', 'bowl', 'turkey', 'gut', 'short', 'sometime', 'later', 'heard', 'husband', 'waken', 'usual', 'trumpeting', 'followed', 'blood', 'curdling', 'scream', 'sound', 'frantic', 'footstep', 'ran', 'bath', 'room', 'wife', 'could', 'hardly', 'control', 'rolled', 'floor', 'laughing', 'tear', 'eye', 'year', 'torture', 'reckoned', 'got', 'back', 'pretty', 'good', 'twenty', 'minute', 'later', 'husband', 'came', 'downstairs', 'blood', 'stained', 'underpants', 'look', 'horror', 'face', 'bit', 'lip', 'asked', 'matter', 'said', 'honey', 'year', 'warned', 'listen', 'mean', 'asked', 'wife', 'well', 'always', 'told', 'one', 'day', 'would', 'end', 'farting', 'gut', 'today', 'finally', 'happened', 'grace', 'god', 'vaseline', 'two', 'finger', 'think', 'got', 'back', 'fart', 'bed']",173
You're a single mom.,326w87,54,"You know what they say, once you go black....","['single', 'mom']","['know', 'say', 'go', 'black']","['single', 'mom', 'know', 'say', 'go', 'black']",6
A carrot.,2b0ktf,54,What's orange and sounds like a parrot?,['carrot'],"['orange', 'sound', 'like', 'parrot']","['carrot', 'orange', 'sound', 'like', 'parrot']",5
house prices down,3fm70e,54,What do black people drive?,"['house', 'price']","['black', 'people', 'drive']","['house', 'price', 'black', 'people', 'drive']",5
"Police arrest two kids. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.",473d0d,54,Police arrest two kids,"['police', 'arrest', 'two', 'kid', 'one', 'drinking', 'battery', 'acid', 'eating', 'firework', 'charged', 'one', 'let', 'one']","['police', 'arrest', 'two', 'kid']","['police', 'arrest', 'two', 'kid', 'one', 'drinking', 'battery', 'acid', 'eating', 'firework', 'charged', 'one', 'let', 'one', 'police', 'arrest', 'two', 'kid']",18
Every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wishes it had been longer!,2iyg2j,54,I must be fucking great in the sack,"['every', 'girl', 'ever', 'sex', 'told', 'wish', 'longer']","['must', 'fucking', 'great', 'sack']","['every', 'girl', 'ever', 'sex', 'told', 'wish', 'longer', 'must', 'fucking', 'great', 'sack']",11
"He had been unemployed for a rather long time and decided to open a medical clinic. Ouside of the clinic he put a sign that read: ""A cure for your ailment gauranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail.""

A doctor sees this and thinks this is a good opportunity to make an easy $1,000. So he goes into the clinic.

Doctor: I have lost my sense of taste.

Mechanic: Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patients mouth. 

The nurse does just that.

Doctor: This is gasoline!

Mechanic: Congratulations! You've got your sense of taste back. That will be $500.

The doctor gets annoyed and decides to go back several days later to recover is $500.

Doctor: I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.

Mechanic: Nurse, please bring me the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patients mouth. 

Doctor: But that's gasoline!

Mechanic: Congratulations! You've got your memory back! That will be $500.

The doctor leaves angry that he is now out $1,000. After several days he comes back, determined to get his money back. 

Doctor: My eyes, they're weak, I can't see a thing.

Mechanic: Well, I don't have any medicine for that. Take this $1000 check...

The mechanic hands the doctor a check for $5.

Doctor: But this is just $5.

Mechanic: Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.",3pbcss,54,A Mechanic is down on his luck...,"['unemployed', 'rather', 'long', 'time', 'decided', 'open', 'medical', 'clinic', 'ouside', 'clinic', 'put', 'sign', 'read', 'cure', 'ailment', 'gauranteed', 'pay', 'fail', 'doctor', 'see', 'think', 'good', 'opportunity', 'make', 'easy', 'go', 'clinic', 'doctor', 'lost', 'sense', 'taste', 'mechanic', 'nurse', 'please', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'patient', 'mouth', 'nurse', 'doctor', 'gasoline', 'mechanic', 'congratulation', 'got', 'sense', 'taste', 'back', 'doctor', 'get', 'annoyed', 'decides', 'go', 'back', 'several', 'day', 'later', 'recover', 'doctor', 'lost', 'memory', 'remember', 'anything', 'mechanic', 'nurse', 'please', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'patient', 'mouth', 'doctor', 'gasoline', 'mechanic', 'congratulation', 'got', 'memory', 'back', 'doctor', 'leaf', 'angry', 'several', 'day', 'come', 'back', 'determined', 'get', 'money', 'back', 'doctor', 'eye', 'weak', 'ca', 'see', 'thing', 'mechanic', 'well', 'medicine', 'take', 'check', 'mechanic', 'hand', 'doctor', 'check', 'doctor', 'mechanic', 'congratulation', 'got', 'vision', 'back']","['mechanic', 'luck']","['unemployed', 'rather', 'long', 'time', 'decided', 'open', 'medical', 'clinic', 'ouside', 'clinic', 'put', 'sign', 'read', 'cure', 'ailment', 'gauranteed', 'pay', 'fail', 'doctor', 'see', 'think', 'good', 'opportunity', 'make', 'easy', 'go', 'clinic', 'doctor', 'lost', 'sense', 'taste', 'mechanic', 'nurse', 'please', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'patient', 'mouth', 'nurse', 'doctor', 'gasoline', 'mechanic', 'congratulation', 'got', 'sense', 'taste', 'back', 'doctor', 'get', 'annoyed', 'decides', 'go', 'back', 'several', 'day', 'later', 'recover', 'doctor', 'lost', 'memory', 'remember', 'anything', 'mechanic', 'nurse', 'please', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'patient', 'mouth', 'doctor', 'gasoline', 'mechanic', 'congratulation', 'got', 'memory', 'back', 'doctor', 'leaf', 'angry', 'several', 'day', 'come', 'back', 'determined', 'get', 'money', 'back', 'doctor', 'eye', 'weak', 'ca', 'see', 'thing', 'mechanic', 'well', 'medicine', 'take', 'check', 'mechanic', 'hand', 'doctor', 'check', 'doctor', 'mechanic', 'congratulation', 'got', 'vision', 'back', 'mechanic', 'luck']",116
"Just one, but it'll take 10 episodes.",4y2hqy,54,How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?,"['one', 'take', 'episode']","['many', 'super', 'saiyans', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']","['one', 'take', 'episode', 'many', 'super', 'saiyans', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']",10
"He arrives at the pearly gates of heaven and meets Saint Peter. Saint Peter asks ""What is your name?"". The pope, expecting a warm welcome, reacts surprised. ""I'm the pope!"", he says. St Peter looks into his book but cannot find an entry for the pope. ""I'm the head of catholic church, surely you must know me!"" says the pope. St Peter doublechecks but can't find anything at all. The pope insists he should be more than welcome in heaven, so after a while, St Peter says ""wait a second, I'll go get God"".

God arrives and takes a look at the pope, but he doesn't recognise him either. The pope tries to explain his position as leader of the church on earth, but God just doesn't seem to understand much of it. He decides to get his son Jesus, maybe he knows more.

Jesus and the pope step aside and talk for a minute or 2. Then, a smiling Jesus goes back to God and says ""Dad, do you remember that fishing club I had 2000 years ago? It still exists!""",26jmhu,54,The pope dies and goes to heaven,"['arrives', 'pearly', 'gate', 'heaven', 'meet', 'saint', 'peter', 'saint', 'peter', 'asks', 'name', 'pope', 'expecting', 'warm', 'welcome', 'reacts', 'surprised', 'pope', 'say', 'st', 'peter', 'look', 'book', 'find', 'entry', 'pope', 'head', 'catholic', 'church', 'surely', 'must', 'know', 'say', 'pope', 'st', 'peter', 'doublechecks', 'ca', 'find', 'anything', 'pope', 'insists', 'welcome', 'heaven', 'st', 'peter', 'say', 'wait', 'second', 'go', 'get', 'god', 'god', 'arrives', 'take', 'look', 'pope', 'recognise', 'either', 'pope', 'try', 'explain', 'position', 'leader', 'church', 'earth', 'god', 'seem', 'understand', 'much', 'decides', 'get', 'son', 'jesus', 'maybe', 'know', 'jesus', 'pope', 'step', 'aside', 'talk', 'minute', 'smiling', 'jesus', 'go', 'back', 'god', 'say', 'dad', 'remember', 'fishing', 'club', 'year', 'ago', 'still', 'exists']","['pope', 'dy', 'go', 'heaven']","['arrives', 'pearly', 'gate', 'heaven', 'meet', 'saint', 'peter', 'saint', 'peter', 'asks', 'name', 'pope', 'expecting', 'warm', 'welcome', 'reacts', 'surprised', 'pope', 'say', 'st', 'peter', 'look', 'book', 'find', 'entry', 'pope', 'head', 'catholic', 'church', 'surely', 'must', 'know', 'say', 'pope', 'st', 'peter', 'doublechecks', 'ca', 'find', 'anything', 'pope', 'insists', 'welcome', 'heaven', 'st', 'peter', 'say', 'wait', 'second', 'go', 'get', 'god', 'god', 'arrives', 'take', 'look', 'pope', 'recognise', 'either', 'pope', 'try', 'explain', 'position', 'leader', 'church', 'earth', 'god', 'seem', 'understand', 'much', 'decides', 'get', 'son', 'jesus', 'maybe', 'know', 'jesus', 'pope', 'step', 'aside', 'talk', 'minute', 'smiling', 'jesus', 'go', 'back', 'god', 'say', 'dad', 'remember', 'fishing', 'club', 'year', 'ago', 'still', 'exists', 'pope', 'dy', 'go', 'heaven']",100
"A mathematician and an engineer are standing about 20 feet away from an absolutely gorgeous blonde woman who is eyeing them both seductively.  
She says to them, ""Every time you approach me, you may only travel half the distance between us. Will you ever reach me?""  
The mathematicitian says, ""No, I'd never be able to reach you.""  
The engineer smiles and says, ""Close enough.""",2v0cmc,54,A Mathematician and an Engineer...,"['mathematician', 'engineer', 'standing', 'foot', 'away', 'absolutely', 'gorgeous', 'blonde', 'woman', 'eyeing', 'seductively', 'say', 'every', 'time', 'approach', 'may', 'travel', 'half', 'distance', 'u', 'ever', 'reach', 'mathematicitian', 'say', 'never', 'able', 'reach', 'engineer', 'smile', 'say', 'close', 'enough']","['mathematician', 'engineer']","['mathematician', 'engineer', 'standing', 'foot', 'away', 'absolutely', 'gorgeous', 'blonde', 'woman', 'eyeing', 'seductively', 'say', 'every', 'time', 'approach', 'may', 'travel', 'half', 'distance', 'u', 'ever', 'reach', 'mathematicitian', 'say', 'never', 'able', 'reach', 'engineer', 'smile', 'say', 'close', 'enough', 'mathematician', 'engineer']",34
"These mules help to plow fields and do other such chores on Jet's farm. One of these mules has a very special gift. He can breath fire. None of the villagers  believed Jet when he spoke his fire-breathing mule. So, one day Jet took his mule into town to prove to everyone that he was honest about this mule. He went to the middle of the town square. As soon as a sizeable crowd had gathered around him, he commanded his mule to show his ability. The mule opened his mouth and let forth a brilliant blue flame. The villagers were shocked at first, but then some of the skeptics chimed in. They claimed that this flame had no heat, that it was just a lights show. Jet asked the crowd how he should prove to them that the flame was truly so hot. One of the villagers chimed in with a suggestion.

""Hey! I've got a pot on beans sitting on my counter at home. Those beans have been sitting out in the open for five whole years now! I can't do anything to soften them up! Now, I don't just want your mule-dragon to boil them, I want him to melt them into a pool of bean soup!""

Now, none of the villagers were very smart, so they thought that this was a great idea. Jet obliged. He took his mule to this villager's house. Sure enough, a pot of dry and rock hard beans sat on the counter. Jet commanded his mule to scorch them with all he could muster. The mule let loose an incredible flame, the hottest every made on the earth, but after five minutes of intense hear, the beans didn't change one bit. They stayed just as they were before, dry and hard. Jet was astounded. The villagers all laughed at him for his fake fire-breathing mule. Jet went back to his farm and continued on with life as normal, working hard until the day he died.

This all goes to show that Jet's mule can't melt stale beans.",3e5gev,54,A farmer named Jet owns a team of mules.,"['mule', 'help', 'plow', 'field', 'chore', 'jet', 'farm', 'one', 'mule', 'special', 'gift', 'breath', 'fire', 'none', 'villager', 'believed', 'jet', 'spoke', 'mule', 'one', 'day', 'jet', 'took', 'mule', 'town', 'prove', 'everyone', 'honest', 'mule', 'went', 'middle', 'town', 'square', 'soon', 'sizeable', 'crowd', 'gathered', 'around', 'commanded', 'mule', 'show', 'ability', 'mule', 'opened', 'mouth', 'let', 'forth', 'brilliant', 'blue', 'flame', 'villager', 'shocked', 'first', 'skeptic', 'chimed', 'claimed', 'flame', 'heat', 'light', 'show', 'jet', 'asked', 'crowd', 'prove', 'flame', 'truly', 'hot', 'one', 'villager', 'chimed', 'suggestion', 'hey', 'got', 'pot', 'bean', 'sitting', 'counter', 'home', 'bean', 'sitting', 'open', 'five', 'whole', 'year', 'ca', 'anything', 'soften', 'want', 'boil', 'want', 'melt', 'pool', 'bean', 'soup', 'none', 'villager', 'smart', 'thought', 'great', 'idea', 'jet', 'obliged', 'took', 'mule', 'villager', 'house', 'sure', 'enough', 'pot', 'dry', 'rock', 'hard', 'bean', 'sat', 'counter', 'jet', 'commanded', 'mule', 'scorch', 'could', 'muster', 'mule', 'let', 'loose', 'incredible', 'flame', 'hottest', 'every', 'made', 'earth', 'five', 'minute', 'intense', 'hear', 'bean', 'change', 'one', 'bit', 'stayed', 'dry', 'hard', 'jet', 'astounded', 'villager', 'laughed', 'fake', 'mule', 'jet', 'went', 'back', 'farm', 'continued', 'life', 'normal', 'working', 'hard', 'day', 'died', 'go', 'show', 'jet', 'mule', 'ca', 'melt', 'stale', 'bean']","['farmer', 'named', 'jet', 'owns', 'team', 'mule']","['mule', 'help', 'plow', 'field', 'chore', 'jet', 'farm', 'one', 'mule', 'special', 'gift', 'breath', 'fire', 'none', 'villager', 'believed', 'jet', 'spoke', 'mule', 'one', 'day', 'jet', 'took', 'mule', 'town', 'prove', 'everyone', 'honest', 'mule', 'went', 'middle', 'town', 'square', 'soon', 'sizeable', 'crowd', 'gathered', 'around', 'commanded', 'mule', 'show', 'ability', 'mule', 'opened', 'mouth', 'let', 'forth', 'brilliant', 'blue', 'flame', 'villager', 'shocked', 'first', 'skeptic', 'chimed', 'claimed', 'flame', 'heat', 'light', 'show', 'jet', 'asked', 'crowd', 'prove', 'flame', 'truly', 'hot', 'one', 'villager', 'chimed', 'suggestion', 'hey', 'got', 'pot', 'bean', 'sitting', 'counter', 'home', 'bean', 'sitting', 'open', 'five', 'whole', 'year', 'ca', 'anything', 'soften', 'want', 'boil', 'want', 'melt', 'pool', 'bean', 'soup', 'none', 'villager', 'smart', 'thought', 'great', 'idea', 'jet', 'obliged', 'took', 'mule', 'villager', 'house', 'sure', 'enough', 'pot', 'dry', 'rock', 'hard', 'bean', 'sat', 'counter', 'jet', 'commanded', 'mule', 'scorch', 'could', 'muster', 'mule', 'let', 'loose', 'incredible', 'flame', 'hottest', 'every', 'made', 'earth', 'five', 'minute', 'intense', 'hear', 'bean', 'change', 'one', 'bit', 'stayed', 'dry', 'hard', 'jet', 'astounded', 'villager', 'laughed', 'fake', 'mule', 'jet', 'went', 'back', 'farm', 'continued', 'life', 'normal', 'working', 'hard', 'day', 'died', 'go', 'show', 'jet', 'mule', 'ca', 'melt', 'stale', 'bean', 'farmer', 'named', 'jet', 'owns', 'team', 'mule']",172
"Steve and Sara met while on a Royal Caribbean singles cruise and Steve fell head over heels for her. And when they discovered they both lived in New York City Steve was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Steve had taken Sara to the movies, restaurants, concerts, and museums. Steve became convinced that Sara was indeed the one and his true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Steve took Sara to a fine dinning experience to Del Frisco’s restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Steve said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I like a little serious thought before our relationship continues to the next stage. So before I get out a box from my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I am a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breath golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”

Sara took a deep breath and responded, “Steve, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as who you are and I love golf too; but, if we are being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last 4 years I’ve been a hooker.”

“Oh wow! I see.” Steve replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a minute. Deep in serious thought then he added, “you know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”",31totw,54,"This man was about to propose, until she revealed this detail...","['steve', 'sara', 'met', 'royal', 'caribbean', 'single', 'cruise', 'steve', 'fell', 'head', 'heel', 'discovered', 'lived', 'new', 'york', 'city', 'steve', 'ecstatic', 'immediately', 'started', 'asking', 'got', 'home', 'within', 'couple', 'week', 'steve', 'taken', 'sara', 'movie', 'restaurant', 'concert', 'museum', 'steve', 'became', 'convinced', 'sara', 'indeed', 'one', 'true', 'love', 'every', 'date', 'seemed', 'better', 'last', 'anniversary', 'first', 'dinner', 'cruise', 'ship', 'steve', 'took', 'sara', 'fine', 'dinning', 'experience', 'del', 'frisco', 'restaurant', 'cocktail', 'waiting', 'salad', 'steve', 'said', 'guess', 'tell', 'much', 'love', 'like', 'little', 'serious', 'thought', 'relationship', 'continues', 'next', 'stage', 'get', 'box', 'jacket', 'ask', 'life', 'changing', 'question', 'fair', 'warn', 'total', 'golf', 'nut', 'play', 'golf', 'read', 'golf', 'watch', 'golf', 'tv', 'short', 'eat', 'sleep', 'breath', 'golf', 'going', 'problem', 'u', 'better', 'say', 'sara', 'took', 'deep', 'breath', 'responded', 'steve', 'certainly', 'problem', 'love', 'love', 'golf', 'totally', 'honest', 'need', 'know', 'last', 'year', 'oh', 'wow', 'steve', 'replied', 'looked', 'table', 'quiet', 'minute', 'deep', 'serious', 'thought', 'added', 'know', 'probably', 'keeping', 'wrist', 'straight', 'hit', 'ball']","['man', 'propose', 'revealed', 'detail']","['steve', 'sara', 'met', 'royal', 'caribbean', 'single', 'cruise', 'steve', 'fell', 'head', 'heel', 'discovered', 'lived', 'new', 'york', 'city', 'steve', 'ecstatic', 'immediately', 'started', 'asking', 'got', 'home', 'within', 'couple', 'week', 'steve', 'taken', 'sara', 'movie', 'restaurant', 'concert', 'museum', 'steve', 'became', 'convinced', 'sara', 'indeed', 'one', 'true', 'love', 'every', 'date', 'seemed', 'better', 'last', 'anniversary', 'first', 'dinner', 'cruise', 'ship', 'steve', 'took', 'sara', 'fine', 'dinning', 'experience', 'del', 'frisco', 'restaurant', 'cocktail', 'waiting', 'salad', 'steve', 'said', 'guess', 'tell', 'much', 'love', 'like', 'little', 'serious', 'thought', 'relationship', 'continues', 'next', 'stage', 'get', 'box', 'jacket', 'ask', 'life', 'changing', 'question', 'fair', 'warn', 'total', 'golf', 'nut', 'play', 'golf', 'read', 'golf', 'watch', 'golf', 'tv', 'short', 'eat', 'sleep', 'breath', 'golf', 'going', 'problem', 'u', 'better', 'say', 'sara', 'took', 'deep', 'breath', 'responded', 'steve', 'certainly', 'problem', 'love', 'love', 'golf', 'totally', 'honest', 'need', 'know', 'last', 'year', 'oh', 'wow', 'steve', 'replied', 'looked', 'table', 'quiet', 'minute', 'deep', 'serious', 'thought', 'added', 'know', 'probably', 'keeping', 'wrist', 'straight', 'hit', 'ball', 'man', 'propose', 'revealed', 'detail']",146
"A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time.  He brings a box up to the counter and the clerk says, ""That will be five dollars plus 15 cents for tax.""

The young man screams ""Tacks, I thought they stayed on by themselves!""

",52t3tm,54,A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time.,"['young', 'man', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'buy', 'condom', 'first', 'time', 'brings', 'box', 'counter', 'clerk', 'say', 'five', 'dollar', 'plus', 'cent', 'tax', 'young', 'man', 'scream', 'tack', 'thought', 'stayed']","['young', 'man', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'buy', 'condom', 'first', 'time']","['young', 'man', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'buy', 'condom', 'first', 'time', 'brings', 'box', 'counter', 'clerk', 'say', 'five', 'dollar', 'plus', 'cent', 'tax', 'young', 'man', 'scream', 'tack', 'thought', 'stayed', 'young', 'man', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'buy', 'condom', 'first', 'time']",34
400 Million Dollars,52o2f4,54,What's 50 Cents name in Zimbabwe?,"['million', 'dollar']","['cent', 'name', 'zimbabwe']","['million', 'dollar', 'cent', 'name', 'zimbabwe']",5
"Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both""",4ek50w,54,"Little Girl: ""Mom I want to be a Redditor when i grow up""","['mom', 'well', 'pick', 'one', 'sweetie', 'ca']","['little', 'girl', 'mom', 'want', 'redditor', 'grow']","['mom', 'well', 'pick', 'one', 'sweetie', 'ca', 'little', 'girl', 'mom', 'want', 'redditor', 'grow']",12
He had loco motives,4p0rmx,54,Do you know that crazy Mexican that steals trains?,"['loco', 'motif']","['know', 'crazy', 'mexican', 'steal', 'train']","['loco', 'motif', 'know', 'crazy', 'mexican', 'steal', 'train']",7
"Friday is my anniversary, I'll have been married for 35 years.  Really it only 5 years, but I count in dog years because my wife is such a bitch.",3w3s0n,54,My anniversary is coming up,"['friday', 'anniversary', 'married', 'year', 'really', 'year', 'count', 'dog', 'year', 'wife', 'bitch']","['anniversary', 'coming']","['friday', 'anniversary', 'married', 'year', 'really', 'year', 'count', 'dog', 'year', 'wife', 'bitch', 'anniversary', 'coming']",13
She kept objectifying people. ,4yham4,54,Why did SJWs call out Medusa?,"['kept', 'objectifying', 'people']","['sjws', 'call', 'medusa']","['kept', 'objectifying', 'people', 'sjws', 'call', 'medusa']",6
"Two nuns are on a bide ride through Philadelphia, the first nun says to the second, ""Make a right turn here, I know a short cut"".  After a few minutes the second nun says, ""I've never come this way before"".  The first replies, ""I know, it's the cobblestones""",1in3wp,54,Two nuns on a bike ride in Philadelphia,"['two', 'nun', 'bide', 'ride', 'philadelphia', 'first', 'nun', 'say', 'second', 'make', 'right', 'turn', 'know', 'short', 'cut', 'minute', 'second', 'nun', 'say', 'never', 'come', 'way', 'first', 'reply', 'know', 'cobblestone']","['two', 'nun', 'bike', 'ride', 'philadelphia']","['two', 'nun', 'bide', 'ride', 'philadelphia', 'first', 'nun', 'say', 'second', 'make', 'right', 'turn', 'know', 'short', 'cut', 'minute', 'second', 'nun', 'say', 'never', 'come', 'way', 'first', 'reply', 'know', 'cobblestone', 'two', 'nun', 'bike', 'ride', 'philadelphia']",31
It got me a few Snickers.,4kr0bw,54,I told a joke I made up last Halloween!,"['got', 'snicker']","['told', 'joke', 'made', 'last', 'halloween']","['got', 'snicker', 'told', 'joke', 'made', 'last', 'halloween']",7
"They were an American, a Brit and a Belgian soldier. 

Since it's 1944 and the Germans still have hope the commanding officer offers them a way out; They can choose between the electric chair, a firing squad or the gallow. 

With each penalty comes the rule: survive 3 times and you're free to go.

The American steps forward and declares: ""I think the gallow would ruin my face, the firing squad is too bloody for me, so I'll take the chair."".

The American gets shocked three times but amazingly still lives, so he gets to walk. While passing the Brit he whispers: ""the chair is broken..."".

So the Brit declares: ""The gallow would ruin my face, the firing squad is too bloody for me, so I'll take the chair."".

Same as with the American, the Brit gets shocked three times, lives and walks. Also whispering to the Belgian soldier: "" the chair is broken..."".

Finally the Belgian soldier steps forward and speaks decisively: ""The gallows would ruin my face, I just heard the chair is broken so I'll take the firing squad!"".",27h26b,54,3 soldiers crash on German territory in World War 2...,"['american', 'brit', 'belgian', 'soldier', 'since', 'german', 'still', 'hope', 'commanding', 'officer', 'offer', 'way', 'choose', 'electric', 'chair', 'firing', 'squad', 'gallow', 'penalty', 'come', 'rule', 'survive', 'time', 'free', 'go', 'american', 'step', 'forward', 'declares', 'think', 'gallow', 'would', 'ruin', 'face', 'firing', 'squad', 'bloody', 'take', 'american', 'get', 'shocked', 'three', 'time', 'amazingly', 'still', 'life', 'get', 'walk', 'passing', 'brit', 'whisper', 'chair', 'broken', 'brit', 'declares', 'gallow', 'would', 'ruin', 'face', 'firing', 'squad', 'bloody', 'take', 'american', 'brit', 'get', 'shocked', 'three', 'time', 'life', 'walk', 'also', 'whispering', 'belgian', 'soldier', 'chair', 'broken', 'finally', 'belgian', 'soldier', 'step', 'forward', 'speaks', 'decisively', 'gallows', 'would', 'ruin', 'face', 'heard', 'chair', 'broken', 'take', 'firing', 'squad']","['soldier', 'crash', 'german', 'territory', 'world', 'war']","['american', 'brit', 'belgian', 'soldier', 'since', 'german', 'still', 'hope', 'commanding', 'officer', 'offer', 'way', 'choose', 'electric', 'chair', 'firing', 'squad', 'gallow', 'penalty', 'come', 'rule', 'survive', 'time', 'free', 'go', 'american', 'step', 'forward', 'declares', 'think', 'gallow', 'would', 'ruin', 'face', 'firing', 'squad', 'bloody', 'take', 'american', 'get', 'shocked', 'three', 'time', 'amazingly', 'still', 'life', 'get', 'walk', 'passing', 'brit', 'whisper', 'chair', 'broken', 'brit', 'declares', 'gallow', 'would', 'ruin', 'face', 'firing', 'squad', 'bloody', 'take', 'american', 'brit', 'get', 'shocked', 'three', 'time', 'life', 'walk', 'also', 'whispering', 'belgian', 'soldier', 'chair', 'broken', 'finally', 'belgian', 'soldier', 'step', 'forward', 'speaks', 'decisively', 'gallows', 'would', 'ruin', 'face', 'heard', 'chair', 'broken', 'take', 'firing', 'squad', 'soldier', 'crash', 'german', 'territory', 'world', 'war']",100
She got hit by a Bus.,3fw96u,54,Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street?,"['got', 'hit', 'bus']","['sally', 'drop', 'ice', 'cream', 'crossing', 'street']","['got', 'hit', 'bus', 'sally', 'drop', 'ice', 'cream', 'crossing', 'street']",9
Mumbai,3csj3a,54,What does an Indian boy say to his mum when he goes out?,['mumbai'],"['indian', 'boy', 'say', 'mum', 'go']","['mumbai', 'indian', 'boy', 'say', 'mum', 'go']",6
"A man is speeding over a bridge one day, late for work, when he's pulled over by a cop operating radar at the end of the bridge. The cop walks up to the driver side window and asks the man what he does for a living. The man replies, ""I'm a professional asshole stretcher.""
His curiosity piqued, the cop asks the man, ""Exactly what does a professional asshole stretcher do?""
""Well,"" the driver replies, ""I start with a small asshole and stretch it out as far as it can go, sometimes up to six feet!""
""And what do you do with a six foot asshole?"" the cop asks.
The driver responds, ""Apparently you give him a radar and stick him at the end of a bridge.""
[Source](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2x64xb/what_is_the_stupidest_thing_that_has_come_out_of/cox9xd2)",2x7wvz,54,A man was speeding over a bridge,"['man', 'speeding', 'bridge', 'one', 'day', 'late', 'work', 'pulled', 'cop', 'operating', 'radar', 'end', 'bridge', 'cop', 'walk', 'driver', 'side', 'window', 'asks', 'man', 'living', 'man', 'reply', 'professional', 'asshole', 'stretcher', 'curiosity', 'piqued', 'cop', 'asks', 'man', 'exactly', 'professional', 'asshole', 'stretcher', 'well', 'driver', 'reply', 'start', 'small', 'asshole', 'stretch', 'far', 'go', 'sometimes', 'six', 'foot', 'six', 'foot', 'asshole', 'cop', 'asks', 'driver', 'responds', 'apparently', 'give', 'radar', 'stick', 'end', 'bridge', 'source', 'http']","['man', 'speeding', 'bridge']","['man', 'speeding', 'bridge', 'one', 'day', 'late', 'work', 'pulled', 'cop', 'operating', 'radar', 'end', 'bridge', 'cop', 'walk', 'driver', 'side', 'window', 'asks', 'man', 'living', 'man', 'reply', 'professional', 'asshole', 'stretcher', 'curiosity', 'piqued', 'cop', 'asks', 'man', 'exactly', 'professional', 'asshole', 'stretcher', 'well', 'driver', 'reply', 'start', 'small', 'asshole', 'stretch', 'far', 'go', 'sometimes', 'six', 'foot', 'six', 'foot', 'asshole', 'cop', 'asks', 'driver', 'responds', 'apparently', 'give', 'radar', 'stick', 'end', 'bridge', 'source', 'http', 'man', 'speeding', 'bridge']",65
"A man was purchasing a Christmas tree so he approached the counter.  
Cashier: great choice of tree sir,  are you putting up yourself? 
Man: no I'm putting it up in my living room you sick fuck",4yb7s4,54,A man went to buy a Christmas tree,"['man', 'purchasing', 'christmas', 'tree', 'approached', 'counter', 'cashier', 'great', 'choice', 'tree', 'sir', 'putting', 'man', 'putting', 'living', 'room', 'sick', 'fuck']","['man', 'went', 'buy', 'christmas', 'tree']","['man', 'purchasing', 'christmas', 'tree', 'approached', 'counter', 'cashier', 'great', 'choice', 'tree', 'sir', 'putting', 'man', 'putting', 'living', 'room', 'sick', 'fuck', 'man', 'went', 'buy', 'christmas', 'tree']",23
"A Roman Catholic.

(Sorry if this is a repost)",2yn1n2,53,What do you call a sleepwalking nun?,"['roman', 'catholic', 'sorry', 'repost']","['call', 'sleepwalking', 'nun']","['roman', 'catholic', 'sorry', 'repost', 'call', 'sleepwalking', 'nun']",7
"One posh one says ""I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth"". The other posh one says ""I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart"". The chavvy one says ""I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms"".",3vx4oy,53,Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.,"['one', 'posh', 'one', 'say', 'taking', 'vitamin', 'want', 'baby', 'strong', 'bone', 'teeth', 'posh', 'one', 'say', 'taking', 'vitamin', 'c', 'want', 'baby', 'good', 'constitution', 'good', 'heart', 'chavvy', 'one', 'say', 'taking', 'thalidomide', 'co', 'ca', 'knit', 'arm']","['three', 'pregnant', 'woman', 'knitting', 'top', 'born']","['one', 'posh', 'one', 'say', 'taking', 'vitamin', 'want', 'baby', 'strong', 'bone', 'teeth', 'posh', 'one', 'say', 'taking', 'vitamin', 'c', 'want', 'baby', 'good', 'constitution', 'good', 'heart', 'chavvy', 'one', 'say', 'taking', 'thalidomide', 'co', 'ca', 'knit', 'arm', 'three', 'pregnant', 'woman', 'knitting', 'top', 'born']",38
Does that mean mary had a little lamb?,1h0o7g,53,If Jesus is the Lamb of God?,"['mean', 'mary', 'little', 'lamb']","['jesus', 'lamb', 'god']","['mean', 'mary', 'little', 'lamb', 'jesus', 'lamb', 'god']",7
Come buy some candy kids!,23zd7v,53,What does a Jewish pedophile say?,"['come', 'buy', 'candy', 'kid']","['jewish', 'pedophile', 'say']","['come', 'buy', 'candy', 'kid', 'jewish', 'pedophile', 'say']",7
They pump kin,1pec5y,53,What do Hillbillies do for Halloween?,"['pump', 'kin']","['hillbilly', 'halloween']","['pump', 'kin', 'hillbilly', 'halloween']",4
"As he was praying a black guy was walking nearby with groceries when he dropped his cheese wheel and it rolled to the Mexican. The Mexican grabbed it, praised god, and ran home. 

When he gets home he instructs his wife to make nachos with the cheese. 

""Why nachos"" asks his wife ""we can make so many better meals with this cheese""

""No"" said the Mexican ""god instructs me to make nachos.""

""What do you mean"" asked the wife 

""As I was praying God sent me the cheese wheel and as I was running home with it I heard him yelling That's Nacho cheese, that's nacho cheese!""",5qg70o,53,A poor mexican went to a hill to pray for a way to feed his family,"['praying', 'black', 'guy', 'walking', 'nearby', 'grocery', 'dropped', 'cheese', 'wheel', 'rolled', 'mexican', 'mexican', 'grabbed', 'praised', 'god', 'ran', 'home', 'get', 'home', 'instructs', 'wife', 'make', 'nacho', 'cheese', 'nacho', 'asks', 'wife', 'make', 'many', 'better', 'meal', 'cheese', 'said', 'mexican', 'god', 'instructs', 'make', 'nacho', 'mean', 'asked', 'wife', 'praying', 'god', 'sent', 'cheese', 'wheel', 'running', 'home', 'heard', 'yelling', 'nacho', 'cheese', 'nacho', 'cheese']","['poor', 'mexican', 'went', 'hill', 'pray', 'way', 'feed', 'family']","['praying', 'black', 'guy', 'walking', 'nearby', 'grocery', 'dropped', 'cheese', 'wheel', 'rolled', 'mexican', 'mexican', 'grabbed', 'praised', 'god', 'ran', 'home', 'get', 'home', 'instructs', 'wife', 'make', 'nacho', 'cheese', 'nacho', 'asks', 'wife', 'make', 'many', 'better', 'meal', 'cheese', 'said', 'mexican', 'god', 'instructs', 'make', 'nacho', 'mean', 'asked', 'wife', 'praying', 'god', 'sent', 'cheese', 'wheel', 'running', 'home', 'heard', 'yelling', 'nacho', 'cheese', 'nacho', 'cheese', 'poor', 'mexican', 'went', 'hill', 'pray', 'way', 'feed', 'family']",62
"A doe walks out of the woods, shakes herself off and says, ""Well. I'll never do THAT for two bucks again."".",1nyu2o,53,A doe walks out of the woods....,"['doe', 'walk', 'wood', 'shake', 'say', 'well', 'never', 'two', 'buck']","['doe', 'walk', 'wood']","['doe', 'walk', 'wood', 'shake', 'say', 'well', 'never', 'two', 'buck', 'doe', 'walk', 'wood']",12
It doesn't last long if you're fat.,4n8vhf,53,Life is like a box of chocolates,"['last', 'long', 'fat']","['life', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']","['last', 'long', 'fat', 'life', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']",7
in bytes,1m1pzx,53,How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?,['byte'],"['send', 'sandwich', 'someone', 'computer']","['byte', 'send', 'sandwich', 'someone', 'computer']",5
he joined the que que que.,4i0beq,53,Did you hear about the Mexican racist?,"['joined', 'que', 'que', 'que']","['hear', 'mexican', 'racist']","['joined', 'que', 'que', 'que', 'hear', 'mexican', 'racist']",7
"His wife is sitting in the front room. He looks at her and says, ""This is the pig I've been fucking."" 

She says, ""That's not a pig, that's a duck.""

The farmer says, ""Shut up bitch, I wasn't talking to you.""",4j832r,53,[NSFW] A farmer walks into his house holding a duck.,"['wife', 'sitting', 'front', 'room', 'look', 'say', 'pig', 'fucking', 'say', 'pig', 'duck', 'farmer', 'say', 'shut', 'bitch', 'talking']","['nsfw', 'farmer', 'walk', 'house', 'holding', 'duck']","['wife', 'sitting', 'front', 'room', 'look', 'say', 'pig', 'fucking', 'say', 'pig', 'duck', 'farmer', 'say', 'shut', 'bitch', 'talking', 'nsfw', 'farmer', 'walk', 'house', 'holding', 'duck']",22
"He sees a girl sitting by herself and asks, ""Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replies with a loud voice, ""I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!""  All the students in the library start staring at the guy. Being embarrassed, he moves to another table.  After a couple of minutes, the girl walks quietly to the guy's table and says with a laugh, ""I study psychology, and I can tell what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library now look at the girl in shock. Then the guy whispers in her ear, ""I study law, and I know how to screw people"". ",1d4406,53,A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.,"['see', 'girl', 'sitting', 'asks', 'mind', 'sit', 'beside', 'girl', 'reply', 'loud', 'voice', 'want', 'spend', 'night', 'student', 'library', 'start', 'staring', 'guy', 'embarrassed', 'move', 'another', 'table', 'couple', 'minute', 'girl', 'walk', 'quietly', 'guy', 'table', 'say', 'laugh', 'study', 'psychology', 'tell', 'man', 'thinking', 'guess', 'felt', 'embarrassed', 'right', 'guy', 'responded', 'loud', 'voice', 'one', 'night', 'much', 'people', 'library', 'look', 'girl', 'shock', 'guy', 'whisper', 'ear', 'study', 'law', 'know', 'screw', 'people']","['guy', 'looking', 'place', 'sit', 'crowded', 'library']","['see', 'girl', 'sitting', 'asks', 'mind', 'sit', 'beside', 'girl', 'reply', 'loud', 'voice', 'want', 'spend', 'night', 'student', 'library', 'start', 'staring', 'guy', 'embarrassed', 'move', 'another', 'table', 'couple', 'minute', 'girl', 'walk', 'quietly', 'guy', 'table', 'say', 'laugh', 'study', 'psychology', 'tell', 'man', 'thinking', 'guess', 'felt', 'embarrassed', 'right', 'guy', 'responded', 'loud', 'voice', 'one', 'night', 'much', 'people', 'library', 'look', 'girl', 'shock', 'guy', 'whisper', 'ear', 'study', 'law', 'know', 'screw', 'people', 'guy', 'looking', 'place', 'sit', 'crowded', 'library']",67
When the coast is queer.,480uqu,53,When's the best time to come out of the closet?,"['coast', 'queer']","['best', 'time', 'come', 'closet']","['coast', 'queer', 'best', 'time', 'come', 'closet']",6
"Jeff raised his hand and said ""Yes.""

Geoff raised his hand and said ""Yeos.""",4whh0f,53,"A man enters a party and says ""Is anybody here named Jeff?""","['jeff', 'raised', 'hand', 'said', 'yes', 'geoff', 'raised', 'hand', 'said', 'yeos']","['man', 'enters', 'party', 'say', 'anybody', 'named', 'jeff']","['jeff', 'raised', 'hand', 'said', 'yes', 'geoff', 'raised', 'hand', 'said', 'yeos', 'man', 'enters', 'party', 'say', 'anybody', 'named', 'jeff']",17
Those that understand math and those that don't.,2znm9y,53,There are three types of people in the world.,"['understand', 'math']","['three', 'type', 'people', 'world']","['understand', 'math', 'three', 'type', 'people', 'world']",6
We haven't met yet.,3x2qmd,53,Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.,"['met', 'yet']","['last', 'year', 'joined', 'support', 'group', 'antisocial', 'people']","['met', 'yet', 'last', 'year', 'joined', 'support', 'group', 'antisocial', 'people']",9
...I still wish she didn't have one though,2p1av0,53,My thai girlfriend told me a small penis doesn't matter...,"['still', 'wish', 'one', 'though']","['thai', 'girlfriend', 'told', 'small', 'penis', 'matter']","['still', 'wish', 'one', 'though', 'thai', 'girlfriend', 'told', 'small', 'penis', 'matter']",10
"r/Jokes, because 99% of its products are made from recycled material.",4ydg67,53,Which is the most eco-friendly subreddit?,"['product', 'made', 'recycled', 'material']",['subreddit'],"['product', 'made', 'recycled', 'material', 'subreddit']",5
"A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, ""If you can catch me, you can have me.""

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ""If you catch me you can have me"".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

""Are you sure?"" asks the representative on the phone. ""This is our most rigorous program."" ""Absolutely,"" he replies, ""I haven't felt this good in years.""
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, ""If I catch you, you are mine.""

He lost 33 lbs that week.",3c80t6,53,Weight Loss Program,"['guy', 'call', 'company', 'order', 'weight', 'loss', 'program', 'next', 'day', 'knock', 'door', 'stand', 'voluptuous', 'athletic', 'year', 'old', 'babe', 'dressed', 'nothing', 'pair', 'nike', 'running', 'shoe', 'sign', 'around', 'neck', 'introduces', 'representative', 'weight', 'loss', 'company', 'sign', 'read', 'catch', 'without', 'second', 'thought', 'take', 'mile', 'later', 'puffing', 'puffing', 'finally', 'give', 'girl', 'show', 'next', 'four', 'day', 'thing', 'happens', 'fifth', 'day', 'weighs', 'delighted', 'find', 'lost', 'promised', 'call', 'company', 'order', 'program', 'next', 'day', 'knock', 'door', 'stand', 'stunning', 'beautiful', 'sexy', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'life', 'wearing', 'nothing', 'reebok', 'running', 'shoe', 'sign', 'around', 'neck', 'read', 'catch', 'well', 'door', 'like', 'shot', 'girl', 'excellent', 'shape', 'best', 'luck', 'next', 'four', 'day', 'routine', 'happens', 'gradually', 'getting', 'better', 'better', 'shape', 'much', 'delight', 'fifth', 'day', 'weighs', 'discovers', 'lost', 'another', 'promised', 'decides', 'go', 'broke', 'call', 'company', 'order', 'lb', 'program', 'sure', 'asks', 'representative', 'phone', 'rigorous', 'program', 'absolutely', 'reply', 'felt', 'good', 'year', 'next', 'day', 'knock', 'door', 'open', 'find', 'huge', 'muscular', 'guy', 'standing', 'wearing', 'nothing', 'pink', 'running', 'shoe', 'sign', 'around', 'neck', 'read', 'catch', 'mine', 'lost', 'lb', 'week']","['weight', 'loss', 'program']","['guy', 'call', 'company', 'order', 'weight', 'loss', 'program', 'next', 'day', 'knock', 'door', 'stand', 'voluptuous', 'athletic', 'year', 'old', 'babe', 'dressed', 'nothing', 'pair', 'nike', 'running', 'shoe', 'sign', 'around', 'neck', 'introduces', 'representative', 'weight', 'loss', 'company', 'sign', 'read', 'catch', 'without', 'second', 'thought', 'take', 'mile', 'later', 'puffing', 'puffing', 'finally', 'give', 'girl', 'show', 'next', 'four', 'day', 'thing', 'happens', 'fifth', 'day', 'weighs', 'delighted', 'find', 'lost', 'promised', 'call', 'company', 'order', 'program', 'next', 'day', 'knock', 'door', 'stand', 'stunning', 'beautiful', 'sexy', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'life', 'wearing', 'nothing', 'reebok', 'running', 'shoe', 'sign', 'around', 'neck', 'read', 'catch', 'well', 'door', 'like', 'shot', 'girl', 'excellent', 'shape', 'best', 'luck', 'next', 'four', 'day', 'routine', 'happens', 'gradually', 'getting', 'better', 'better', 'shape', 'much', 'delight', 'fifth', 'day', 'weighs', 'discovers', 'lost', 'another', 'promised', 'decides', 'go', 'broke', 'call', 'company', 'order', 'lb', 'program', 'sure', 'asks', 'representative', 'phone', 'rigorous', 'program', 'absolutely', 'reply', 'felt', 'good', 'year', 'next', 'day', 'knock', 'door', 'open', 'find', 'huge', 'muscular', 'guy', 'standing', 'wearing', 'nothing', 'pink', 'running', 'shoe', 'sign', 'around', 'neck', 'read', 'catch', 'mine', 'lost', 'lb', 'week', 'weight', 'loss', 'program']",158
"Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of
hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, ""Cool it. I am going to
set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the
better job.""

So Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent
e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded.  They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the
electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered
back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming ""It's gone! It's all
gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"" Meanwhile, Jesus
quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became irate. ""Wait! He cheated, How did he do
it?""

God shrugged and said, ""Jesus saves.""",2a0lgb,53,Jesus and the Devil were talking arguing one day ... (Computer Wisdom),"['jesus', 'satan', 'ongoing', 'argument', 'better', 'computer', 'going', 'day', 'god', 'tired', 'hearing', 'bickering', 'finally', 'god', 'said', 'cool', 'going', 'set', 'test', 'run', 'two', 'hour', 'judge', 'better', 'job', 'satan', 'jesus', 'sat', 'keyboard', 'typed', 'away', 'moused', 'spreadsheet', 'wrote', 'report', 'sent', 'fax', 'sent', 'sent', 'attachment', 'downloaded', 'genealogy', 'report', 'made', 'card', 'every', 'known', 'job', 'ten', 'minute', 'time', 'lightening', 'suddenly', 'flashed', 'across', 'sky', 'thunder', 'rolled', 'rain', 'poured', 'course', 'electricity', 'went', 'satan', 'stared', 'blank', 'screen', 'screamed', 'every', 'curse', 'word', 'known', 'underworld', 'jesus', 'sighed', 'electricity', 'finally', 'flickered', 'back', 'restarted', 'computer', 'satan', 'started', 'searching', 'frantically', 'screaming', 'gone', 'gone', 'lost', 'everything', 'power', 'went', 'meanwhile', 'jesus', 'quietly', 'started', 'printing', 'file', 'past', 'two', 'hour', 'satan', 'observed', 'became', 'irate', 'wait', 'cheated', 'god', 'shrugged', 'said', 'jesus', 'save']","['jesus', 'devil', 'talking', 'arguing', 'one', 'day', 'computer', 'wisdom']","['jesus', 'satan', 'ongoing', 'argument', 'better', 'computer', 'going', 'day', 'god', 'tired', 'hearing', 'bickering', 'finally', 'god', 'said', 'cool', 'going', 'set', 'test', 'run', 'two', 'hour', 'judge', 'better', 'job', 'satan', 'jesus', 'sat', 'keyboard', 'typed', 'away', 'moused', 'spreadsheet', 'wrote', 'report', 'sent', 'fax', 'sent', 'sent', 'attachment', 'downloaded', 'genealogy', 'report', 'made', 'card', 'every', 'known', 'job', 'ten', 'minute', 'time', 'lightening', 'suddenly', 'flashed', 'across', 'sky', 'thunder', 'rolled', 'rain', 'poured', 'course', 'electricity', 'went', 'satan', 'stared', 'blank', 'screen', 'screamed', 'every', 'curse', 'word', 'known', 'underworld', 'jesus', 'sighed', 'electricity', 'finally', 'flickered', 'back', 'restarted', 'computer', 'satan', 'started', 'searching', 'frantically', 'screaming', 'gone', 'gone', 'lost', 'everything', 'power', 'went', 'meanwhile', 'jesus', 'quietly', 'started', 'printing', 'file', 'past', 'two', 'hour', 'satan', 'observed', 'became', 'irate', 'wait', 'cheated', 'god', 'shrugged', 'said', 'jesus', 'save', 'jesus', 'devil', 'talking', 'arguing', 'one', 'day', 'computer', 'wisdom']",120
Then we met.,377w47,53,My wife and i were happy for 20 years.,['met'],"['wife', 'happy', 'year']","['met', 'wife', 'happy', 'year']",4
"A middle aged man and a hot young girl step into a jewelery store. The man asks the jeweler to show the girl his finest rings. The jeweler obliged does so and after some consideration the girl picks one of the most expensive ones. At the point the man proceeds to write off a check for the ring; the jeweler interjects ""I'm sorry Sir! We do not take checks"". The man then tells the jeweler, ""I understand your concern. I'll tell you what, cash the check in and my sweet Maria will pass and pick up the ring tomorrow"". The jeweler sees no problems with that and Maria seems to be exhilarated at the thought of getting such a ring. They both leave the jewelery store in a rather passionate way.

The next morning the jeweler calls the man: ""Sir! There seems to be a problem with your check! Apparently the account lack the funds to cash it in"". The man at that point replies, ""Forget the ring. I already got into her pants!""",25yiqr,53,Checks and pants,"['middle', 'aged', 'man', 'hot', 'young', 'girl', 'step', 'jewelery', 'store', 'man', 'asks', 'jeweler', 'show', 'girl', 'finest', 'ring', 'jeweler', 'obliged', 'consideration', 'girl', 'pick', 'one', 'expensive', 'one', 'point', 'man', 'proceeds', 'write', 'check', 'ring', 'jeweler', 'interjects', 'sorry', 'sir', 'take', 'check', 'man', 'tell', 'jeweler', 'understand', 'concern', 'tell', 'cash', 'check', 'sweet', 'maria', 'pas', 'pick', 'ring', 'tomorrow', 'jeweler', 'see', 'problem', 'maria', 'seems', 'exhilarated', 'thought', 'getting', 'ring', 'leave', 'jewelery', 'store', 'rather', 'passionate', 'way', 'next', 'morning', 'jeweler', 'call', 'man', 'sir', 'seems', 'problem', 'check', 'apparently', 'account', 'lack', 'fund', 'cash', 'man', 'point', 'reply', 'forget', 'ring', 'already', 'got', 'pant']","['check', 'pant']","['middle', 'aged', 'man', 'hot', 'young', 'girl', 'step', 'jewelery', 'store', 'man', 'asks', 'jeweler', 'show', 'girl', 'finest', 'ring', 'jeweler', 'obliged', 'consideration', 'girl', 'pick', 'one', 'expensive', 'one', 'point', 'man', 'proceeds', 'write', 'check', 'ring', 'jeweler', 'interjects', 'sorry', 'sir', 'take', 'check', 'man', 'tell', 'jeweler', 'understand', 'concern', 'tell', 'cash', 'check', 'sweet', 'maria', 'pas', 'pick', 'ring', 'tomorrow', 'jeweler', 'see', 'problem', 'maria', 'seems', 'exhilarated', 'thought', 'getting', 'ring', 'leave', 'jewelery', 'store', 'rather', 'passionate', 'way', 'next', 'morning', 'jeweler', 'call', 'man', 'sir', 'seems', 'problem', 'check', 'apparently', 'account', 'lack', 'fund', 'cash', 'man', 'point', 'reply', 'forget', 'ring', 'already', 'got', 'pant', 'check', 'pant']",89
"... to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ""Euripides?"" The professor replies: ""Yes. Eumenides?""",1l9k8l,53,A classics professor goes to a tailor...,"['get', 'trouser', 'mended', 'tailor', 'asks', 'euripides', 'professor', 'reply', 'yes', 'eumenides']","['classic', 'professor', 'go', 'tailor']","['get', 'trouser', 'mended', 'tailor', 'asks', 'euripides', 'professor', 'reply', 'yes', 'eumenides', 'classic', 'professor', 'go', 'tailor']",14
Couldn't find three wise men. Or a virgin... ,2xqgx3,53,Why wasn't Jesus born in lindsay Ontario.,"['could', 'find', 'three', 'wise', 'men', 'virgin']","['jesus', 'born', 'lindsay', 'ontario']","['could', 'find', 'three', 'wise', 'men', 'virgin', 'jesus', 'born', 'lindsay', 'ontario']",10
They just go over my head.,1lpwz5,53,I don't like telling clever jokes about airplanes.,"['go', 'head']","['like', 'telling', 'clever', 'joke', 'airplane']","['go', 'head', 'like', 'telling', 'clever', 'joke', 'airplane']",7
"""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But, John came in fifth and won a toaster. ",2ob02d,53,And the Lord said unto John...,"['come', 'forth', 'receive', 'eternal', 'life', 'john', 'came', 'fifth', 'toaster']","['lord', 'said', 'unto', 'john']","['come', 'forth', 'receive', 'eternal', 'life', 'john', 'came', 'fifth', 'toaster', 'lord', 'said', 'unto', 'john']",13
Practice safe sects,33nd7t,53,Don't join dangerous cults,"['practice', 'safe', 'sect']","['join', 'dangerous', 'cult']","['practice', 'safe', 'sect', 'join', 'dangerous', 'cult']",6
"
So I packed her things and left.
",532a1f,53,My wife caught me crossdressing.,"['packed', 'thing', 'left']","['wife', 'caught', 'crossdressing']","['packed', 'thing', 'left', 'wife', 'caught', 'crossdressing']",6
A synonym roll.,5rxf9x,53,What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?,"['synonym', 'roll']","['thesaurus', 'eat', 'breakfast']","['synonym', 'roll', 'thesaurus', 'eat', 'breakfast']",5
One of them has a good driver.,1kfitu,53,What is the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?,"['one', 'good', 'driver']","['difference', 'princess', 'diana', 'tiger', 'wood']","['one', 'good', 'driver', 'difference', 'princess', 'diana', 'tiger', 'wood']",8
" On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.”",5rdu8j,53,On His Deathbed,"['deathbed', 'lifelong', 'republican', 'supporter', 'suddenly', 'announced', 'switching', 'democrat', 'believe', 'said', 'friend', 'entire', 'life', 'staunch', 'republican', 'would', 'want', 'become', 'democrat', 'rather', 'one', 'dy', 'one', 'u']",['deathbed'],"['deathbed', 'lifelong', 'republican', 'supporter', 'suddenly', 'announced', 'switching', 'democrat', 'believe', 'said', 'friend', 'entire', 'life', 'staunch', 'republican', 'would', 'want', 'become', 'democrat', 'rather', 'one', 'dy', 'one', 'u', 'deathbed']",25
Now he's just somebody that we used to know,1r1ix7,53,Does anyone remember Gotye?,"['somebody', 'used', 'know']","['anyone', 'remember', 'gotye']","['somebody', 'used', 'know', 'anyone', 'remember', 'gotye']",6
A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years.,3f0egp,53,What's the difference between america and a yoghurt?,"['yoghurt', 'develops', 'culture', 'sitting', 'year']","['difference', 'america', 'yoghurt']","['yoghurt', 'develops', 'culture', 'sitting', 'year', 'difference', 'america', 'yoghurt']",8
You bet jurassic would.,3f2owm,53,Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago?,"['bet', 'jurassic', 'would']","['would', 'dangerous', 'human', 'live', 'million', 'year', 'ago']","['bet', 'jurassic', 'would', 'would', 'dangerous', 'human', 'live', 'million', 'year', 'ago']",10
"Thought of being polite, I said ‘Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?’ 

One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said ‘it’s Wales you idiot’

So I immediately said ‘Sorry, are you two Whales from Scotland?’

Long story short, anyone know how to deal with black eyes fast?",516wwx,53,"I was at the pub the other day, when 2 fat chicks walk in and sit next to me","['thought', 'polite', 'said', 'hi', 'two', 'girl', 'scotland', 'one', 'spoke', 'quite', 'attitude', 'said', 'wale', 'idiot', 'immediately', 'said', 'sorry', 'two', 'whale', 'scotland', 'long', 'story', 'short', 'anyone', 'know', 'deal', 'black', 'eye', 'fast']","['pub', 'day', 'fat', 'chick', 'walk', 'sit', 'next']","['thought', 'polite', 'said', 'hi', 'two', 'girl', 'scotland', 'one', 'spoke', 'quite', 'attitude', 'said', 'wale', 'idiot', 'immediately', 'said', 'sorry', 'two', 'whale', 'scotland', 'long', 'story', 'short', 'anyone', 'know', 'deal', 'black', 'eye', 'fast', 'pub', 'day', 'fat', 'chick', 'walk', 'sit', 'next']",36
"When the fan stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating",5qwya6,53,The propellor of a plane is actually a giant fan for the pilot,"['fan', 'stop', 'actually', 'see', 'pilot', 'start', 'sweating']","['propellor', 'plane', 'actually', 'giant', 'fan', 'pilot']","['fan', 'stop', 'actually', 'see', 'pilot', 'start', 'sweating', 'propellor', 'plane', 'actually', 'giant', 'fan', 'pilot']",13
"No, the Brits left.",4q75fu,53,Do all Europeans countries drive on the right?,"['brit', 'left']","['european', 'country', 'drive', 'right']","['brit', 'left', 'european', 'country', 'drive', 'right']",6
Just got a flare for it.,3s0b1o,53,I'm great at signalling for help on a sinking ship..,"['got', 'flare']","['great', 'signalling', 'help', 'sinking', 'ship']","['got', 'flare', 'great', 'signalling', 'help', 'sinking', 'ship']",7
Stupid firemen. ,3zx21q,53,I hate people who knock on my door and tell me that I need to be saved or I'm going to burn.,"['stupid', 'fireman']","['hate', 'people', 'knock', 'door', 'tell', 'need', 'saved', 'going', 'burn']","['stupid', 'fireman', 'hate', 'people', 'knock', 'door', 'tell', 'need', 'saved', 'going', 'burn']",11
"There, their, they're",3if48u,53,What do you say when you are trying to comfort a grammar nazi?,[],"['say', 'trying', 'comfort', 'grammar', 'nazi']","['say', 'trying', 'comfort', 'grammar', 'nazi']",5
"...watching people come and go just passing time when a very handsome well dressed man walks towards the entrance. 
However, he stops outside leans against the wall as if he is waiting for someone. 
After a few minutes a beautiful woman walks out the man says, ""tickle your ass with a feather?"" the woman is startled and says, ""excuse me?"" The man quickly and calmly responds, ""particularly nice weather."" The woman is skeptical but says, ""oh... yes it is"" and walks away. 
The bum is intrigued and watches as a second woman walks out and the same thing happens as with the first woman. ""Tickle your ass with a feather"", ""What?"", ""Particularly nice weather"", ""Oh"" and she walks away. Finally, a third woman walks out and the man says ""tickle your ass with a feather?"" The woman smiles and they walk off arm in arm. 
The bum having watched the entire spectacle is amazed and decides to try this maneuver. 
He walks up the bar and a woman soon walks out. 
Very loud and bluntly the bum says, ""Stick a feather up your ass?"" The woman is shocked, ""What?"" the woman says and the bum responds, ""Look at the fucking clouds""",2j5yc2,53,There's a bum outside a bar...,"['watching', 'people', 'come', 'go', 'passing', 'time', 'handsome', 'well', 'dressed', 'man', 'walk', 'towards', 'entrance', 'however', 'stop', 'outside', 'lean', 'wall', 'waiting', 'someone', 'minute', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'walk', 'man', 'say', 'tickle', 'as', 'feather', 'woman', 'startled', 'say', 'excuse', 'man', 'quickly', 'calmly', 'responds', 'particularly', 'nice', 'weather', 'woman', 'skeptical', 'say', 'oh', 'yes', 'walk', 'away', 'bum', 'intrigued', 'watch', 'second', 'woman', 'walk', 'thing', 'happens', 'first', 'woman', 'tickle', 'as', 'feather', 'particularly', 'nice', 'weather', 'oh', 'walk', 'away', 'finally', 'third', 'woman', 'walk', 'man', 'say', 'tickle', 'as', 'feather', 'woman', 'smile', 'walk', 'arm', 'arm', 'bum', 'watched', 'entire', 'spectacle', 'amazed', 'decides', 'try', 'maneuver', 'walk', 'bar', 'woman', 'soon', 'walk', 'loud', 'bluntly', 'bum', 'say', 'stick', 'feather', 'as', 'woman', 'shocked', 'woman', 'say', 'bum', 'responds', 'look', 'fucking', 'cloud']","['bum', 'outside', 'bar']","['watching', 'people', 'come', 'go', 'passing', 'time', 'handsome', 'well', 'dressed', 'man', 'walk', 'towards', 'entrance', 'however', 'stop', 'outside', 'lean', 'wall', 'waiting', 'someone', 'minute', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'walk', 'man', 'say', 'tickle', 'as', 'feather', 'woman', 'startled', 'say', 'excuse', 'man', 'quickly', 'calmly', 'responds', 'particularly', 'nice', 'weather', 'woman', 'skeptical', 'say', 'oh', 'yes', 'walk', 'away', 'bum', 'intrigued', 'watch', 'second', 'woman', 'walk', 'thing', 'happens', 'first', 'woman', 'tickle', 'as', 'feather', 'particularly', 'nice', 'weather', 'oh', 'walk', 'away', 'finally', 'third', 'woman', 'walk', 'man', 'say', 'tickle', 'as', 'feather', 'woman', 'smile', 'walk', 'arm', 'arm', 'bum', 'watched', 'entire', 'spectacle', 'amazed', 'decides', 'try', 'maneuver', 'walk', 'bar', 'woman', 'soon', 'walk', 'loud', 'bluntly', 'bum', 'say', 'stick', 'feather', 'as', 'woman', 'shocked', 'woman', 'say', 'bum', 'responds', 'look', 'fucking', 'cloud', 'bum', 'outside', 'bar']",112
"7

Pirates are illiterate.",4dzvao,53,What's a pirate's favorite letter?,"['pirate', 'illiterate']","['pirate', 'favorite', 'letter']","['pirate', 'illiterate', 'pirate', 'favorite', 'letter']",5
"At the head of the procession was a man leading a labrador on a leash, following 2 slowly moving hearses. He cannot contain his curiosity and walks alongside the man at the head of the procession to offer his condolences. 

""Sorry for your loss, who's in the hearse in front?"" 

""My wife""

""How did she die, if you dont mind my asking?""

""See this dog?"" Says the bereaved man pointing to his labrador, It attacked and killed her.""

""Dear me, who's in the second hearse?"" 

""My mother in law, she was trying to shield my wife from the dog and it attacked and killed her too.""

They walk on for a little while longer in silence, when he asks 

""Can I borrow the dog?""

""Get in line.""

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ",3uudor,53,A man saw an unusual funeral procession,"['head', 'procession', 'man', 'leading', 'labrador', 'leash', 'following', 'slowly', 'moving', 'hearse', 'contain', 'curiosity', 'walk', 'alongside', 'man', 'head', 'procession', 'offer', 'condolence', 'sorry', 'loss', 'hearse', 'front', 'wife', 'die', 'dont', 'mind', 'asking', 'see', 'dog', 'say', 'bereaved', 'man', 'pointing', 'labrador', 'attacked', 'killed', 'dear', 'second', 'hearse', 'mother', 'law', 'trying', 'shield', 'wife', 'dog', 'attacked', 'killed', 'walk', 'little', 'longer', 'silence', 'asks', 'borrow', 'dog', 'get', 'line']","['man', 'saw', 'unusual', 'funeral', 'procession']","['head', 'procession', 'man', 'leading', 'labrador', 'leash', 'following', 'slowly', 'moving', 'hearse', 'contain', 'curiosity', 'walk', 'alongside', 'man', 'head', 'procession', 'offer', 'condolence', 'sorry', 'loss', 'hearse', 'front', 'wife', 'die', 'dont', 'mind', 'asking', 'see', 'dog', 'say', 'bereaved', 'man', 'pointing', 'labrador', 'attacked', 'killed', 'dear', 'second', 'hearse', 'mother', 'law', 'trying', 'shield', 'wife', 'dog', 'attacked', 'killed', 'walk', 'little', 'longer', 'silence', 'asks', 'borrow', 'dog', 'get', 'line', 'man', 'saw', 'unusual', 'funeral', 'procession']",62
...serves him right!,1b96se,53,My friend has a butler who had his left arm cut off...,"['serf', 'right']","['friend', 'butler', 'left', 'arm', 'cut']","['serf', 'right', 'friend', 'butler', 'left', 'arm', 'cut']",7
"The Priest says, ""I want to screw him."" The Rabbi says, ""Out of what?""",1xmw68,53,A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are watching a little boy play...,"['priest', 'say', 'want', 'screw', 'rabbi', 'say']","['catholic', 'priest', 'rabbi', 'watching', 'little', 'boy', 'play']","['priest', 'say', 'want', 'screw', 'rabbi', 'say', 'catholic', 'priest', 'rabbi', 'watching', 'little', 'boy', 'play']",13
"They both have boys pants half off.

I'm going to hell lol",3gb8gd,53,What do Wal mart and priests have in common?,"['boy', 'pant', 'half', 'going', 'hell', 'lol']","['wal', 'mart', 'priest', 'common']","['boy', 'pant', 'half', 'going', 'hell', 'lol', 'wal', 'mart', 'priest', 'common']",10
"Because they ordered pepperoni, but all they got was plane. ",4999dk,53,Why were the people in the twin towers mad?,"['ordered', 'pepperoni', 'got', 'plane']","['people', 'twin', 'tower', 'mad']","['ordered', 'pepperoni', 'got', 'plane', 'people', 'twin', 'tower', 'mad']",8
"Helium walks into a bar.

The bartender says, ""We don't serve noble gases in here.""

Helium doesn't react.",2ewbh1,53,A chemistry joke.,"['helium', 'walk', 'bar', 'bartender', 'say', 'serve', 'noble', 'gas', 'helium', 'react']","['chemistry', 'joke']","['helium', 'walk', 'bar', 'bartender', 'say', 'serve', 'noble', 'gas', 'helium', 'react', 'chemistry', 'joke']",12
"Hook hand, peg-leg, eye-patch, the whole nine yards. He's decked out in his best pirate garb and just strolls into this pub. 

The modern folks in the bar are stunned and amused, but only one brave patron approaches,

""Are you really a pirate?"" he asks

""Aye, lad, that I am. Captain Killigan at yer service.""

""Wow, so is all this stuff real? The hook and the leg and all?""

""Aye, aye, and I'll tell ye the story of 'em all for a drink.""

Eager to hear his story, the man buys the pirate a drink and sits to listen.

""Well, first, me leg. Aye, 'twas a great gale in the midst of the Atlantic, and one of my men and fallen over board after a rogue wave hit the ship. I was haulin' him in off the netting when I great white shark leapt out of the water and bit me leg off at the knee...""

""Wow,"" says the bar patron, ""that's amazing! And your hand?""

""Aye, me hand... We were searchin' fer buried treasure off'a the Florida Keys, when while hackin' through the brush, I stumbled upon a great alligator who was right bothered about me beein' there. I fought the beast valiantly, but the bastard took me hand...""

""Oh this is incredible!"" The man exclaims, ""So the eye-patch...how's you lose the eye?""

The pirate pauses, a little reticent to reveal this last injury...

""Well...a seagull pooped in me eye...""

""What? Seagull poops in your eye and now you need an eye-patch?""

""Aye...T'was me first day with the hook..."" ",1bddbi,53,A pirate walks into a bar...,"['hook', 'hand', 'whole', 'nine', 'yard', 'decked', 'best', 'pirate', 'garb', 'stroll', 'pub', 'modern', 'folk', 'bar', 'stunned', 'amused', 'one', 'brave', 'patron', 'approach', 'really', 'pirate', 'asks', 'aye', 'lad', 'captain', 'killigan', 'yer', 'service', 'wow', 'stuff', 'real', 'hook', 'leg', 'aye', 'aye', 'tell', 'ye', 'story', 'drink', 'eager', 'hear', 'story', 'man', 'buy', 'pirate', 'drink', 'sits', 'listen', 'well', 'first', 'leg', 'aye', 'great', 'gale', 'midst', 'atlantic', 'one', 'men', 'fallen', 'board', 'rogue', 'wave', 'hit', 'ship', 'haulin', 'netting', 'great', 'white', 'shark', 'leapt', 'water', 'bit', 'leg', 'knee', 'wow', 'say', 'bar', 'patron', 'amazing', 'hand', 'aye', 'hand', 'searchin', 'fer', 'buried', 'treasure', 'florida', 'key', 'hackin', 'brush', 'stumbled', 'upon', 'great', 'alligator', 'right', 'bothered', 'beein', 'fought', 'beast', 'valiantly', 'bastard', 'took', 'hand', 'oh', 'incredible', 'man', 'exclaims', 'lose', 'eye', 'pirate', 'pause', 'little', 'reticent', 'reveal', 'last', 'injury', 'well', 'seagull', 'pooped', 'eye', 'seagull', 'poop', 'eye', 'need', 'aye', 'first', 'day', 'hook']","['pirate', 'walk', 'bar']","['hook', 'hand', 'whole', 'nine', 'yard', 'decked', 'best', 'pirate', 'garb', 'stroll', 'pub', 'modern', 'folk', 'bar', 'stunned', 'amused', 'one', 'brave', 'patron', 'approach', 'really', 'pirate', 'asks', 'aye', 'lad', 'captain', 'killigan', 'yer', 'service', 'wow', 'stuff', 'real', 'hook', 'leg', 'aye', 'aye', 'tell', 'ye', 'story', 'drink', 'eager', 'hear', 'story', 'man', 'buy', 'pirate', 'drink', 'sits', 'listen', 'well', 'first', 'leg', 'aye', 'great', 'gale', 'midst', 'atlantic', 'one', 'men', 'fallen', 'board', 'rogue', 'wave', 'hit', 'ship', 'haulin', 'netting', 'great', 'white', 'shark', 'leapt', 'water', 'bit', 'leg', 'knee', 'wow', 'say', 'bar', 'patron', 'amazing', 'hand', 'aye', 'hand', 'searchin', 'fer', 'buried', 'treasure', 'florida', 'key', 'hackin', 'brush', 'stumbled', 'upon', 'great', 'alligator', 'right', 'bothered', 'beein', 'fought', 'beast', 'valiantly', 'bastard', 'took', 'hand', 'oh', 'incredible', 'man', 'exclaims', 'lose', 'eye', 'pirate', 'pause', 'little', 'reticent', 'reveal', 'last', 'injury', 'well', 'seagull', 'pooped', 'eye', 'seagull', 'poop', 'eye', 'need', 'aye', 'first', 'day', 'hook', 'pirate', 'walk', 'bar']",132
A great thing ruined by a period.,35oece,53,What is 6.9?,"['great', 'thing', 'ruined', 'period']",[],"['great', 'thing', 'ruined', 'period']",4
A booby trap!,3dslbj,53,What do you call a bra that tightens the more you try to take it off?,"['booby', 'trap']","['call', 'bra', 'tightens', 'try', 'take']","['booby', 'trap', 'call', 'bra', 'tightens', 'try', 'take']",7
So I put her in my new smart fridge,43dq02,53,My girlfriend complained that there should be more women in technology,"['put', 'new', 'smart', 'fridge']","['girlfriend', 'complained', 'woman', 'technology']","['put', 'new', 'smart', 'fridge', 'girlfriend', 'complained', 'woman', 'technology']",8
"Your Wife is shouting at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door. Which one do you let in?

Well you can choose, but if you let the dog in at least they will stop barking. ",1denq7,53,Dog or Wife?,"['wife', 'shouting', 'open', 'front', 'door', 'dog', 'barking', 'back', 'door', 'one', 'let', 'well', 'choose', 'let', 'dog', 'least', 'stop', 'barking']","['dog', 'wife']","['wife', 'shouting', 'open', 'front', 'door', 'dog', 'barking', 'back', 'door', 'one', 'let', 'well', 'choose', 'let', 'dog', 'least', 'stop', 'barking', 'dog', 'wife']",20
love her.,3yl43p,53,Tell my WiFi,['love'],"['tell', 'wifi']","['love', 'tell', 'wifi']",3
BJ Tittyfuck von Hockey.,1crj54,53,"Met a girl the other day and asked her her name. She said, ""Carmen"". I said it was a nice name. She said it's from the two things she likes most, cars and men. Then she asked me my name. I held out my hand and said...","['bj', 'tittyfuck', 'von', 'hockey']","['met', 'girl', 'day', 'asked', 'name', 'said', 'carmen', 'said', 'nice', 'name', 'said', 'two', 'thing', 'like', 'car', 'men', 'asked', 'name', 'held', 'hand', 'said']","['bj', 'tittyfuck', 'von', 'hockey', 'met', 'girl', 'day', 'asked', 'name', 'said', 'carmen', 'said', 'nice', 'name', 'said', 'two', 'thing', 'like', 'car', 'men', 'asked', 'name', 'held', 'hand', 'said']",25
Audi...,5tw53r,53,What'd the cowboy say when he walked into the German car dealership?,['audi'],"['cowboy', 'say', 'walked', 'german', 'car', 'dealership']","['audi', 'cowboy', 'say', 'walked', 'german', 'car', 'dealership']",7
would I still have 2020 vision?,2t07si,53,If I could see 5 years into the future...,"['would', 'still', 'vision']","['could', 'see', 'year', 'future']","['would', 'still', 'vision', 'could', 'see', 'year', 'future']",7
"A german, a frenchman, and a greek are on a plane. The plane crashes in the amazon. They meet the natives and they say ""don't kill us"" and the amazonians say ""We will not kill you, but you have to do something. You have to spend 10 years in a cave. We will fill the cave up with all the provisions you need and whatever you want.""

They ask the german what he wants. He says ""I want bratwurst. I want sausages everywhere. I wanna eat'em all the time, and I wanna eat a lot."" So they fill the cave up with sausages.   
They ask the frenchman what he wants. He says ""I want women. I want women everywhere. I don't what kind of women; what age, what color, what size. I just want women."" So they fill the cave up with women.     
They ask the greek guy. He says ""I want cigarettes. I wanna chain smoke all the time. I wanna smoke my way through the 10 years."" So they fill the cave up with cigarettes.


10 years pass and it is time to open the caves. They open the german's cave. Out comes one huge beast of a man, so gelatinous, they can barely get him through the door.    
They open the frenchman's cave. And they see little kids playing around, women talking to each other, and the frenchman humping away at another woman in bed.    
they open the greek guy's cave. He is sitting on top of a pile of unopened cigarettes. He says ""A lighter...........give me a lighter!""",1htyui,53,"A german, a frenchman, and a greek crash in the amazon","['german', 'frenchman', 'greek', 'plane', 'plane', 'crash', 'amazon', 'meet', 'native', 'say', 'kill', 'u', 'amazonians', 'say', 'kill', 'something', 'spend', 'year', 'cave', 'fill', 'cave', 'provision', 'need', 'whatever', 'want', 'ask', 'german', 'want', 'say', 'want', 'bratwurst', 'want', 'sausage', 'everywhere', 'wan', 'na', 'time', 'wan', 'na', 'eat', 'lot', 'fill', 'cave', 'sausage', 'ask', 'frenchman', 'want', 'say', 'want', 'woman', 'want', 'woman', 'everywhere', 'kind', 'woman', 'age', 'color', 'size', 'want', 'woman', 'fill', 'cave', 'woman', 'ask', 'greek', 'guy', 'say', 'want', 'cigarette', 'wan', 'na', 'chain', 'smoke', 'time', 'wan', 'na', 'smoke', 'way', 'year', 'fill', 'cave', 'cigarette', 'year', 'pas', 'time', 'open', 'cave', 'open', 'german', 'cave', 'come', 'one', 'huge', 'beast', 'man', 'gelatinous', 'barely', 'get', 'door', 'open', 'frenchman', 'cave', 'see', 'little', 'kid', 'playing', 'around', 'woman', 'talking', 'frenchman', 'humping', 'away', 'another', 'woman', 'bed', 'open', 'greek', 'guy', 'cave', 'sitting', 'top', 'pile', 'unopened', 'cigarette', 'say', 'lighter', 'give', 'lighter']","['german', 'frenchman', 'greek', 'crash', 'amazon']","['german', 'frenchman', 'greek', 'plane', 'plane', 'crash', 'amazon', 'meet', 'native', 'say', 'kill', 'u', 'amazonians', 'say', 'kill', 'something', 'spend', 'year', 'cave', 'fill', 'cave', 'provision', 'need', 'whatever', 'want', 'ask', 'german', 'want', 'say', 'want', 'bratwurst', 'want', 'sausage', 'everywhere', 'wan', 'na', 'time', 'wan', 'na', 'eat', 'lot', 'fill', 'cave', 'sausage', 'ask', 'frenchman', 'want', 'say', 'want', 'woman', 'want', 'woman', 'everywhere', 'kind', 'woman', 'age', 'color', 'size', 'want', 'woman', 'fill', 'cave', 'woman', 'ask', 'greek', 'guy', 'say', 'want', 'cigarette', 'wan', 'na', 'chain', 'smoke', 'time', 'wan', 'na', 'smoke', 'way', 'year', 'fill', 'cave', 'cigarette', 'year', 'pas', 'time', 'open', 'cave', 'open', 'german', 'cave', 'come', 'one', 'huge', 'beast', 'man', 'gelatinous', 'barely', 'get', 'door', 'open', 'frenchman', 'cave', 'see', 'little', 'kid', 'playing', 'around', 'woman', 'talking', 'frenchman', 'humping', 'away', 'another', 'woman', 'bed', 'open', 'greek', 'guy', 'cave', 'sitting', 'top', 'pile', 'unopened', 'cigarette', 'say', 'lighter', 'give', 'lighter', 'german', 'frenchman', 'greek', 'crash', 'amazon']",133
"Her husband is away on a business trip. Suddenly she hears the sound of the front door opening, her husband is back earlier than she expected. 

""Quick! Hide in the bathroom!"", she says to the man in her bed, he scampers off quickly.

The husband walks into the bedroom and sees his wife naked. Thinking on her feet she says ""You must have had a long journey, come to bed and make love to me.""

""That sounds great, I'll just have a quick shower, let me pop to the bathroom.""

He opens the door and is confronted with a man, barefoot to the neck, looking into the distance, clapping with his arms outstretched.

The husband asks ""Who are you?""

""From the council"", the man replied, ""your wife phoned us up and said you had a moth problem""

""But you're not wearing any clothes?!""

The man suddenly looked down at his naked body and looking shocked he exclaimed: ""The bastards!""
",4ecew0,53,A woman is in bed with a man she shouldn't be with,"['husband', 'away', 'business', 'trip', 'suddenly', 'hears', 'sound', 'front', 'door', 'opening', 'husband', 'back', 'earlier', 'expected', 'quick', 'hide', 'bathroom', 'say', 'man', 'bed', 'scamper', 'quickly', 'husband', 'walk', 'bedroom', 'see', 'wife', 'naked', 'thinking', 'foot', 'say', 'must', 'long', 'journey', 'come', 'bed', 'make', 'love', 'sound', 'great', 'quick', 'shower', 'let', 'pop', 'bathroom', 'open', 'door', 'confronted', 'man', 'barefoot', 'neck', 'looking', 'distance', 'clapping', 'arm', 'outstretched', 'husband', 'asks', 'council', 'man', 'replied', 'wife', 'phoned', 'u', 'said', 'moth', 'problem', 'wearing', 'clothes', 'man', 'suddenly', 'looked', 'naked', 'body', 'looking', 'shocked', 'exclaimed', 'bastard']","['woman', 'bed', 'man']","['husband', 'away', 'business', 'trip', 'suddenly', 'hears', 'sound', 'front', 'door', 'opening', 'husband', 'back', 'earlier', 'expected', 'quick', 'hide', 'bathroom', 'say', 'man', 'bed', 'scamper', 'quickly', 'husband', 'walk', 'bedroom', 'see', 'wife', 'naked', 'thinking', 'foot', 'say', 'must', 'long', 'journey', 'come', 'bed', 'make', 'love', 'sound', 'great', 'quick', 'shower', 'let', 'pop', 'bathroom', 'open', 'door', 'confronted', 'man', 'barefoot', 'neck', 'looking', 'distance', 'clapping', 'arm', 'outstretched', 'husband', 'asks', 'council', 'man', 'replied', 'wife', 'phoned', 'u', 'said', 'moth', 'problem', 'wearing', 'clothes', 'man', 'suddenly', 'looked', 'naked', 'body', 'looking', 'shocked', 'exclaimed', 'bastard', 'woman', 'bed', 'man']",81
"After a delightful meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. 

Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, ""Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see.""  Watson said, ""I see millions and millions of stars.""  Sherlock said, ""And what does that tell you?""



After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, ""Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.  Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.  Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning.  Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.  Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today.  What does it tell you?"" 

Holmes was silent for about 30 seconds and said, ""Watson, you idiot!  Someone has stolen our tent!""







(By the way, I found this on the Internet and wanted to share it with you guys. It's a repost, but at least I'm honest)",51oj1p,53,Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip,"['delightful', 'meal', 'bottle', 'red', 'lay', 'night', 'went', 'sleep', 'hour', 'later', 'holmes', 'woke', 'nudged', 'faithful', 'friend', 'said', 'watson', 'want', 'look', 'sky', 'tell', 'see', 'watson', 'said', 'see', 'million', 'million', 'star', 'sherlock', 'said', 'tell', 'minute', 'pondering', 'watson', 'said', 'astronomically', 'tell', 'million', 'galaxy', 'potentially', 'billion', 'planet', 'astrologically', 'observe', 'saturn', 'leo', 'horologically', 'deduce', 'time', 'approximately', 'quarter', 'past', 'three', 'morning', 'theologically', 'see', 'god', 'powerful', 'small', 'insignificant', 'metereologically', 'suspect', 'beautiful', 'day', 'today', 'tell', 'holmes', 'silent', 'second', 'said', 'watson', 'idiot', 'someone', 'stolen', 'tent', 'way', 'found', 'internet', 'wanted', 'share', 'guy', 'repost', 'least', 'honest']","['sherlock', 'holmes', 'dr', 'watson', 'went', 'camping', 'trip']","['delightful', 'meal', 'bottle', 'red', 'lay', 'night', 'went', 'sleep', 'hour', 'later', 'holmes', 'woke', 'nudged', 'faithful', 'friend', 'said', 'watson', 'want', 'look', 'sky', 'tell', 'see', 'watson', 'said', 'see', 'million', 'million', 'star', 'sherlock', 'said', 'tell', 'minute', 'pondering', 'watson', 'said', 'astronomically', 'tell', 'million', 'galaxy', 'potentially', 'billion', 'planet', 'astrologically', 'observe', 'saturn', 'leo', 'horologically', 'deduce', 'time', 'approximately', 'quarter', 'past', 'three', 'morning', 'theologically', 'see', 'god', 'powerful', 'small', 'insignificant', 'metereologically', 'suspect', 'beautiful', 'day', 'today', 'tell', 'holmes', 'silent', 'second', 'said', 'watson', 'idiot', 'someone', 'stolen', 'tent', 'way', 'found', 'internet', 'wanted', 'share', 'guy', 'repost', 'least', 'honest', 'sherlock', 'holmes', 'dr', 'watson', 'went', 'camping', 'trip']",91
"A cop came and asked, “How in the world did you drive right into that funeral and kill 10 fucking people?”

The blonde hesitatingly replies, “Uh, I was driving an old Ford of mine. And the brakes suddenly stopped working.”

“So?”

“I saw that two pedestrians were crossing the road and this funeral was to my right.”

“You could have hit those two pedestrian cunts! Killing two is better than killing ten,” cried the cop. 

“I knew you would say that, officer,” said the blonde getting confident. “But as soon as I hit the first, the second started to run towards the funeral!”",1wa55f,53,A blonde was charged for driving into a funeral and killing 10 people.,"['cop', 'came', 'asked', 'world', 'drive', 'right', 'funeral', 'kill', 'fucking', 'people', 'blonde', 'hesitatingly', 'reply', 'uh', 'driving', 'old', 'ford', 'mine', 'brake', 'suddenly', 'stopped', 'saw', 'two', 'pedestrian', 'crossing', 'road', 'funeral', 'could', 'hit', 'two', 'pedestrian', 'cunt', 'killing', 'two', 'better', 'killing', 'ten', 'cried', 'cop', 'knew', 'would', 'say', 'officer', 'said', 'blonde', 'getting', 'confident', 'soon', 'hit', 'first', 'second', 'started', 'run', 'towards', 'funeral']","['blonde', 'charged', 'driving', 'funeral', 'killing', 'people']","['cop', 'came', 'asked', 'world', 'drive', 'right', 'funeral', 'kill', 'fucking', 'people', 'blonde', 'hesitatingly', 'reply', 'uh', 'driving', 'old', 'ford', 'mine', 'brake', 'suddenly', 'stopped', 'saw', 'two', 'pedestrian', 'crossing', 'road', 'funeral', 'could', 'hit', 'two', 'pedestrian', 'cunt', 'killing', 'two', 'better', 'killing', 'ten', 'cried', 'cop', 'knew', 'would', 'say', 'officer', 'said', 'blonde', 'getting', 'confident', 'soon', 'hit', 'first', 'second', 'started', 'run', 'towards', 'funeral', 'blonde', 'charged', 'driving', 'funeral', 'killing', 'people']",61
"The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ""So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new"".

""So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks $1,695,759 when you and I are doing basically the same work?""

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...

""Try doing it with the engine running...""",1b3kqx,53,"The cardiologist was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, ""Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?""","['cardiologist', 'bit', 'surprised', 'walked', 'mechanic', 'working', 'motorcycle', 'mechanic', 'straightened', 'wiped', 'hand', 'rag', 'asked', 'doc', 'look', 'engine', 'open', 'heart', 'take', 'valve', 'repair', 'damage', 'put', 'back', 'finish', 'work', 'like', 'new', 'come', 'make', 'year', 'get', 'really', 'big', 'buck', 'basically', 'work', 'cardiologist', 'paused', 'smiled', 'leaned', 'whispered', 'mechanic', 'try', 'engine', 'running']","['cardiologist', 'waiting', 'service', 'manager', 'come', 'take', 'look', 'bike', 'mechanic', 'shouted', 'across', 'garage', 'hey', 'doc', 'want', 'take', 'look']","['cardiologist', 'bit', 'surprised', 'walked', 'mechanic', 'working', 'motorcycle', 'mechanic', 'straightened', 'wiped', 'hand', 'rag', 'asked', 'doc', 'look', 'engine', 'open', 'heart', 'take', 'valve', 'repair', 'damage', 'put', 'back', 'finish', 'work', 'like', 'new', 'come', 'make', 'year', 'get', 'really', 'big', 'buck', 'basically', 'work', 'cardiologist', 'paused', 'smiled', 'leaned', 'whispered', 'mechanic', 'try', 'engine', 'running', 'cardiologist', 'waiting', 'service', 'manager', 'come', 'take', 'look', 'bike', 'mechanic', 'shouted', 'across', 'garage', 'hey', 'doc', 'want', 'take', 'look']",63
"He sits down in the front row. A man sits behind him.
A girl comes out and starts dancing. Both of the men cheer.
She takes off her top. Both men cheer.
She takes off her bottom.Only the man in the front cheers.
Curious the man in front turns around and asks
Where'd all the enthusiasm go.
The man response. ""all over your back""
",1q9sbh,53,So a man hoes to a strip club,"['sits', 'front', 'row', 'man', 'sits', 'behind', 'girl', 'come', 'start', 'dancing', 'men', 'cheer', 'take', 'top', 'men', 'cheer', 'take', 'man', 'front', 'cheer', 'curious', 'man', 'front', 'turn', 'around', 'asks', 'enthusiasm', 'go', 'man', 'response', 'back']","['man', 'hoe', 'strip', 'club']","['sits', 'front', 'row', 'man', 'sits', 'behind', 'girl', 'come', 'start', 'dancing', 'men', 'cheer', 'take', 'top', 'men', 'cheer', 'take', 'man', 'front', 'cheer', 'curious', 'man', 'front', 'turn', 'around', 'asks', 'enthusiasm', 'go', 'man', 'response', 'back', 'man', 'hoe', 'strip', 'club']",35
Why else would there be so many jokes about them.,38brd8,53,Of course women are funny.,"['else', 'would', 'many', 'joke']","['course', 'woman', 'funny']","['else', 'would', 'many', 'joke', 'course', 'woman', 'funny']",7
So I entered myself.,3jufd1,53,I saw a weird competition yesterday - The first person to successfully have intercourse with them self wins.,['entered'],"['saw', 'weird', 'competition', 'yesterday', 'first', 'person', 'successfully', 'intercourse', 'self', 'win']","['entered', 'saw', 'weird', 'competition', 'yesterday', 'first', 'person', 'successfully', 'intercourse', 'self', 'win']",11
"Him mom replied: ""Because we are Asian, not a Bsian or Csian, or Failsian."" ",4vbtca,53,"An Asian kid ask him mom: ""Mom, why do I have to score A in everything?""","['mom', 'replied', 'asian', 'bsian', 'csian', 'failsian']","['asian', 'kid', 'ask', 'mom', 'mom', 'score', 'everything']","['mom', 'replied', 'asian', 'bsian', 'csian', 'failsian', 'asian', 'kid', 'ask', 'mom', 'mom', 'score', 'everything']",13
free,1i73xa,53,I like my coffee how I like my slaves,['free'],"['like', 'coffee', 'like', 'slave']","['free', 'like', 'coffee', 'like', 'slave']",5
Because six inches would never satisfy a female elephant.,3c6yj0,53,Why do elephants have four feet?,"['six', 'inch', 'would', 'never', 'satisfy', 'female', 'elephant']","['elephant', 'four', 'foot']","['six', 'inch', 'would', 'never', 'satisfy', 'female', 'elephant', 'elephant', 'four', 'foot']",10
"I don’t think I ever got over
my grandmother’s death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I’m just careful what I wish for.

—Anthony Jeselnik",1algnv,53,Careful what you wish for!,"['think', 'ever', 'got', 'grandmother', 'death', 'kid', 'grandmother', 'died', 'heart', 'attack', 'ninth', 'birthday', 'party', 'literally', 'eating', 'cake', 'guess', 'must', 'screwed', 'little', 'bit', 'mean', 'still', 'birthday', 'party', 'careful', 'wish', 'jeselnik']","['careful', 'wish']","['think', 'ever', 'got', 'grandmother', 'death', 'kid', 'grandmother', 'died', 'heart', 'attack', 'ninth', 'birthday', 'party', 'literally', 'eating', 'cake', 'guess', 'must', 'screwed', 'little', 'bit', 'mean', 'still', 'birthday', 'party', 'careful', 'wish', 'jeselnik', 'careful', 'wish']",30
Crazy cows. They have to be nuts. ,4e17hd,53,Where does almond and cashew milk come from?,"['crazy', 'cow', 'nut']","['almond', 'cashew', 'milk', 'come']","['crazy', 'cow', 'nut', 'almond', 'cashew', 'milk', 'come']",7
"My son: knock, knock
Me: who's there
My son: Nobody
Me: Nobody who?
My son: penis

",1oj3y4,53,"My 6 year old wrote a knock, knock joke today. It","['son', 'knock', 'knock', 'son', 'nobody', 'nobody', 'son', 'penis']","['year', 'old', 'wrote', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke', 'today']","['son', 'knock', 'knock', 'son', 'nobody', 'nobody', 'son', 'penis', 'year', 'old', 'wrote', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke', 'today']",15
Games.,2o9kr3,53,What do they call the Hunger Games in Ethiopia?,['game'],"['call', 'hunger', 'game', 'ethiopia']","['game', 'call', 'hunger', 'game', 'ethiopia']",5
"Bill, Bob, Jim and Troy are on the golf course and are discussing how well their sons have been doing in life before teeing off. 

Bill has to leave to go to the bathroom while the others get ready to tee off on the first hole. They start bragging about their sons....

Bob says to the guys, 'my son has been doing so well in the contsructuon business that he decided to build his best friend a brand a new house, and he gave it to him for free!'

Jim says, 'oh yea, well my son has been doing so well that he owns 9 Mercedes Benz dealerships and he bought his best friend a brand new black Mercedes Benz, and gave it to him for free!!'

Troy says, 'oh yea, well my son is a prestigious stock broker and gave his best friend a stock portfolio thats worth over 1 million dollars, and gave it to him for free!!'

Bill comes back from the bathroom. 

His friends ask him about his son. Bill says, 'oh yea... well, he is doing great. I just found out he is gay and he is a gogo dancer at local gay bar.'

(Everyone laughs and points at Bill) 

'Well, anyway,' Bill continues, 'he seems to be doing pretty well for himself. He owns a brand new house, has a brand new black Mercedes Benz and has an awesome stock portfolio worth over a million bucks!!!'",2yj8vt,53,An old group of friends go golfing...,"['bill', 'bob', 'jim', 'troy', 'golf', 'course', 'discussing', 'well', 'son', 'life', 'teeing', 'bill', 'leave', 'go', 'bathroom', 'others', 'get', 'ready', 'tee', 'first', 'hole', 'start', 'bragging', 'son', 'bob', 'say', 'guy', 'son', 'well', 'contsructuon', 'business', 'decided', 'build', 'best', 'friend', 'brand', 'new', 'house', 'gave', 'free', 'jim', 'say', 'yea', 'well', 'son', 'well', 'owns', 'mercedes', 'benz', 'dealership', 'bought', 'best', 'friend', 'brand', 'new', 'black', 'mercedes', 'benz', 'gave', 'free', 'troy', 'say', 'yea', 'well', 'son', 'prestigious', 'stock', 'broker', 'gave', 'best', 'friend', 'stock', 'portfolio', 'thats', 'worth', 'million', 'dollar', 'gave', 'free', 'bill', 'come', 'back', 'bathroom', 'friend', 'ask', 'son', 'bill', 'say', 'yea', 'well', 'great', 'found', 'gay', 'gogo', 'dancer', 'local', 'gay', 'bar', 'everyone', 'laugh', 'point', 'bill', 'anyway', 'bill', 'continues', 'seems', 'pretty', 'well', 'owns', 'brand', 'new', 'house', 'brand', 'new', 'black', 'mercedes', 'benz', 'awesome', 'stock', 'portfolio', 'worth', 'million', 'buck']","['old', 'group', 'friend', 'go', 'golfing']","['bill', 'bob', 'jim', 'troy', 'golf', 'course', 'discussing', 'well', 'son', 'life', 'teeing', 'bill', 'leave', 'go', 'bathroom', 'others', 'get', 'ready', 'tee', 'first', 'hole', 'start', 'bragging', 'son', 'bob', 'say', 'guy', 'son', 'well', 'contsructuon', 'business', 'decided', 'build', 'best', 'friend', 'brand', 'new', 'house', 'gave', 'free', 'jim', 'say', 'yea', 'well', 'son', 'well', 'owns', 'mercedes', 'benz', 'dealership', 'bought', 'best', 'friend', 'brand', 'new', 'black', 'mercedes', 'benz', 'gave', 'free', 'troy', 'say', 'yea', 'well', 'son', 'prestigious', 'stock', 'broker', 'gave', 'best', 'friend', 'stock', 'portfolio', 'thats', 'worth', 'million', 'dollar', 'gave', 'free', 'bill', 'come', 'back', 'bathroom', 'friend', 'ask', 'son', 'bill', 'say', 'yea', 'well', 'great', 'found', 'gay', 'gogo', 'dancer', 'local', 'gay', 'bar', 'everyone', 'laugh', 'point', 'bill', 'anyway', 'bill', 'continues', 'seems', 'pretty', 'well', 'owns', 'brand', 'new', 'house', 'brand', 'new', 'black', 'mercedes', 'benz', 'awesome', 'stock', 'portfolio', 'worth', 'million', 'buck', 'old', 'group', 'friend', 'go', 'golfing']",128
common Coitusy,4ka3li,53,"What do you call it when you say ""please"" and ""thank you"" during sex?","['common', 'coitusy']","['call', 'say', 'please', 'thank', 'sex']","['common', 'coitusy', 'call', 'say', 'please', 'thank', 'sex']",7
"His dad then asks, ""$30? What do you need $20 for?!?""",4ohnqj,53,A Jewish boy asks his dad for $50,"['dad', 'asks', 'need']","['jewish', 'boy', 'asks', 'dad']","['dad', 'asks', 'need', 'jewish', 'boy', 'asks', 'dad']",7
With a silent 'cr',42gveg,53,My wife's cooking is incredible!,['silent'],"['wife', 'cooking', 'incredible']","['silent', 'wife', 'cooking', 'incredible']",4
Neither did she.,1busm6,53,Did you guys hear what happened to Helen Keller?,['neither'],"['guy', 'hear', 'happened', 'helen', 'keller']","['neither', 'guy', 'hear', 'happened', 'helen', 'keller']",6
"A mailman was putting in his last shift before he started an office job. He was a popular man in the neighborhood, known for being courteous and prompt with his deliveries. As such, he was lavished with home-baked goods, bottles of wine and gift cards as he made his final rounds. 

The mailman's final stop of the day was at the house of a wealthy lawyer, who had always treated the mailman like garbage. When he rang the doorbell, however, it was the lawyer's gorgeous wife, dressed in a revealing negligee, who answered the door. Wordlessly, she led him to the upstairs bedroom where they had the most amazing sex the mailman had ever had in his life. 

As he was about to leave, the lawyer's wife handed him a crumpled one dollar bill. ""What was that all about?"" he asked. 

""Well, last night when I asked my husband what we should do for you, he said 'fuck him, give him a dollar.'""",2psai2,53,The mailman's last day,"['mailman', 'putting', 'last', 'shift', 'started', 'office', 'job', 'popular', 'man', 'neighborhood', 'known', 'courteous', 'prompt', 'delivery', 'lavished', 'good', 'bottle', 'wine', 'gift', 'card', 'made', 'final', 'round', 'mailman', 'final', 'stop', 'day', 'house', 'wealthy', 'lawyer', 'always', 'treated', 'mailman', 'like', 'garbage', 'rang', 'doorbell', 'however', 'lawyer', 'gorgeous', 'wife', 'dressed', 'revealing', 'negligee', 'answered', 'door', 'wordlessly', 'led', 'upstairs', 'bedroom', 'amazing', 'sex', 'mailman', 'ever', 'life', 'leave', 'lawyer', 'wife', 'handed', 'crumpled', 'one', 'dollar', 'bill', 'asked', 'well', 'last', 'night', 'asked', 'husband', 'said', 'give', 'dollar']","['mailman', 'last', 'day']","['mailman', 'putting', 'last', 'shift', 'started', 'office', 'job', 'popular', 'man', 'neighborhood', 'known', 'courteous', 'prompt', 'delivery', 'lavished', 'good', 'bottle', 'wine', 'gift', 'card', 'made', 'final', 'round', 'mailman', 'final', 'stop', 'day', 'house', 'wealthy', 'lawyer', 'always', 'treated', 'mailman', 'like', 'garbage', 'rang', 'doorbell', 'however', 'lawyer', 'gorgeous', 'wife', 'dressed', 'revealing', 'negligee', 'answered', 'door', 'wordlessly', 'led', 'upstairs', 'bedroom', 'amazing', 'sex', 'mailman', 'ever', 'life', 'leave', 'lawyer', 'wife', 'handed', 'crumpled', 'one', 'dollar', 'bill', 'asked', 'well', 'last', 'night', 'asked', 'husband', 'said', 'give', 'dollar', 'mailman', 'last', 'day']",75
"The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''",32xmac,53,"A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''.......","['man', 'say', 'go', 'tell', 'go', 'hold', 'monkey']","['woman', 'get', 'bus', 'baby', 'bus', 'driver', 'say', 'ugh', 'ugliest', 'baby', 'ever', 'seen', 'woman', 'walk', 'rear', 'bus', 'sits', 'fuming', 'say', 'man', 'next', 'driver', 'insulted']","['man', 'say', 'go', 'tell', 'go', 'hold', 'monkey', 'woman', 'get', 'bus', 'baby', 'bus', 'driver', 'say', 'ugh', 'ugliest', 'baby', 'ever', 'seen', 'woman', 'walk', 'rear', 'bus', 'sits', 'fuming', 'say', 'man', 'next', 'driver', 'insulted']",30
"And says to the barman: ""Give me a gin...""

.

.

.

""And tonic.""

The barman, curious, asks while preparing the drink: ""Hey mate, why the big pause?""

To what the bear replies ""I don't know... I guess my father had them too"".",47cc1r,53,A bear walks into a bar...,"['say', 'barman', 'give', 'gin', 'tonic', 'barman', 'curious', 'asks', 'preparing', 'drink', 'hey', 'mate', 'big', 'pause', 'bear', 'reply', 'know', 'guess', 'father']","['bear', 'walk', 'bar']","['say', 'barman', 'give', 'gin', 'tonic', 'barman', 'curious', 'asks', 'preparing', 'drink', 'hey', 'mate', 'big', 'pause', 'bear', 'reply', 'know', 'guess', 'father', 'bear', 'walk', 'bar']",22
... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.,221zui,53,Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie...,"['able', 'sneak', 'back', 'putting', 'glass']","['got', 'thrown', 'theatre', 'superman', 'movie']","['able', 'sneak', 'back', 'putting', 'glass', 'got', 'thrown', 'theatre', 'superman', 'movie']",10
Eating Amanda out.,2uh0bu,53,What's better than eating a mandarin?,"['eating', 'amanda']","['better', 'eating', 'mandarin']","['eating', 'amanda', 'better', 'eating', 'mandarin']",5
"What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me something smells.",29un57,53,What did one eye say to the other?,"['one', 'eye', 'say', 'something', 'smell']","['one', 'eye', 'say']","['one', 'eye', 'say', 'something', 'smell', 'one', 'eye', 'say']",8
Boo-Bees....,2wworu,53,What do you call bees that produce milk?,[],"['call', 'bee', 'produce', 'milk']","['call', 'bee', 'produce', 'milk']",4
"A man is sitting in his usual bar, enjoying a drink, when another man enters and takes a seat next to him. After a few uncertain glances, he realizes the man is actually a woman he used to know. He reintroduces himself, and they get to catching up. The man is quite intrigued with the  concept of transsexual procedures and they have a long, engaging conversation about how different life must now be for the transgender man. After nearly an hour, he bids his farewell, and leaves the cisgender man back to himself. At this point, the bartender mentions how nice it can be to run into old friends, and then asks if they had just disconnected or if he had been on a trip. The man replies, ""something like that, he was a broad for a while"" ",2u1yu2,53,A transgender walks into a bar,"['man', 'sitting', 'usual', 'bar', 'enjoying', 'drink', 'another', 'man', 'enters', 'take', 'seat', 'next', 'uncertain', 'glance', 'realizes', 'man', 'actually', 'woman', 'used', 'know', 'reintroduces', 'get', 'catching', 'man', 'quite', 'intrigued', 'concept', 'transsexual', 'procedure', 'long', 'engaging', 'conversation', 'different', 'life', 'must', 'transgender', 'man', 'nearly', 'hour', 'bid', 'farewell', 'leaf', 'cisgender', 'man', 'back', 'point', 'bartender', 'mention', 'nice', 'run', 'old', 'friend', 'asks', 'disconnected', 'trip', 'man', 'reply', 'something', 'like', 'broad']","['transgender', 'walk', 'bar']","['man', 'sitting', 'usual', 'bar', 'enjoying', 'drink', 'another', 'man', 'enters', 'take', 'seat', 'next', 'uncertain', 'glance', 'realizes', 'man', 'actually', 'woman', 'used', 'know', 'reintroduces', 'get', 'catching', 'man', 'quite', 'intrigued', 'concept', 'transsexual', 'procedure', 'long', 'engaging', 'conversation', 'different', 'life', 'must', 'transgender', 'man', 'nearly', 'hour', 'bid', 'farewell', 'leaf', 'cisgender', 'man', 'back', 'point', 'bartender', 'mention', 'nice', 'run', 'old', 'friend', 'asks', 'disconnected', 'trip', 'man', 'reply', 'something', 'like', 'broad', 'transgender', 'walk', 'bar']",63
"Because if it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan.",375zit,53,Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?,"['would', 'chicken', 'sedan']","['chicken', 'coop', 'door']","['would', 'chicken', 'sedan', 'chicken', 'coop', 'door']",6
Because the fucking alien went back home! ,45mkmw,53,Donald Trumps favorite movie is E. T.,"['fucking', 'alien', 'went', 'back', 'home']","['donald', 'trump', 'favorite', 'movie']","['fucking', 'alien', 'went', 'back', 'home', 'donald', 'trump', 'favorite', 'movie']",9
"Husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine, special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and ""Bubba"" floor mats. Trailer package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.
",46qx4w,53,A husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing.,"['husband', 'went', 'sheriff', 'department', 'report', 'wife', 'missing', 'husband', 'wife', 'missing', 'went', 'shopping', 'yesterday', 'come', 'home', 'sergeant', 'height', 'husband', 'gee', 'sure', 'little', 'tall', 'sergeant', 'weight', 'husband', 'know', 'slim', 'really', 'fat', 'sergeant', 'color', 'eye', 'husband', 'sort', 'brown', 'think', 'never', 'really', 'noticed', 'sergeant', 'color', 'hair', 'husband', 'change', 'couple', 'time', 'year', 'maybe', 'dark', 'brown', 'remember', 'sergeant', 'wearing', 'husband', 'could', 'pant', 'maybe', 'skirt', 'short', 'know', 'exactly', 'sergeant', 'kind', 'car', 'go', 'husband', 'went', 'truck', 'sergeant', 'kind', 'truck', 'husband', 'ford', 'king', 'ranch', 'engine', 'special', 'ordered', 'manual', 'transmission', 'climate', 'controlled', 'air', 'conditioning', 'custom', 'matching', 'white', 'cover', 'bed', 'matching', 'aftermarket', 'bed', 'liner', 'custom', 'leather', 'seat', 'bubba', 'floor', 'mat', 'trailer', 'package', 'gold', 'hitch', 'special', 'wiring', 'dvd', 'full', 'gps', 'navigation', 'satellite', 'radio', 'receiver', 'cb', 'radio', 'six', 'cup', 'holder', 'usb', 'port', 'four', 'power', 'outlet', 'added', 'special', 'alloy', 'wheel', 'michelins', 'custom', 'running', 'board', 'indirect', 'wheel', 'well', 'lighting', 'point', 'husband', 'started', 'choking', 'sergeant', 'worry', 'buddy', 'find', 'truck']","['husband', 'went', 'sheriff', 'department', 'report', 'wife', 'missing']","['husband', 'went', 'sheriff', 'department', 'report', 'wife', 'missing', 'husband', 'wife', 'missing', 'went', 'shopping', 'yesterday', 'come', 'home', 'sergeant', 'height', 'husband', 'gee', 'sure', 'little', 'tall', 'sergeant', 'weight', 'husband', 'know', 'slim', 'really', 'fat', 'sergeant', 'color', 'eye', 'husband', 'sort', 'brown', 'think', 'never', 'really', 'noticed', 'sergeant', 'color', 'hair', 'husband', 'change', 'couple', 'time', 'year', 'maybe', 'dark', 'brown', 'remember', 'sergeant', 'wearing', 'husband', 'could', 'pant', 'maybe', 'skirt', 'short', 'know', 'exactly', 'sergeant', 'kind', 'car', 'go', 'husband', 'went', 'truck', 'sergeant', 'kind', 'truck', 'husband', 'ford', 'king', 'ranch', 'engine', 'special', 'ordered', 'manual', 'transmission', 'climate', 'controlled', 'air', 'conditioning', 'custom', 'matching', 'white', 'cover', 'bed', 'matching', 'aftermarket', 'bed', 'liner', 'custom', 'leather', 'seat', 'bubba', 'floor', 'mat', 'trailer', 'package', 'gold', 'hitch', 'special', 'wiring', 'dvd', 'full', 'gps', 'navigation', 'satellite', 'radio', 'receiver', 'cb', 'radio', 'six', 'cup', 'holder', 'usb', 'port', 'four', 'power', 'outlet', 'added', 'special', 'alloy', 'wheel', 'michelins', 'custom', 'running', 'board', 'indirect', 'wheel', 'well', 'lighting', 'point', 'husband', 'started', 'choking', 'sergeant', 'worry', 'buddy', 'find', 'truck', 'husband', 'went', 'sheriff', 'department', 'report', 'wife', 'missing']",150
"""How can we build this?""
A business major asks, ""How can we finance this?""
A liberal arts major asks, ""Do you want fries with that?""",3cg4iz,53,An engineer major asks...,"['build', 'business', 'major', 'asks', 'finance', 'liberal', 'art', 'major', 'asks', 'want', 'fry']","['engineer', 'major', 'asks']","['build', 'business', 'major', 'asks', 'finance', 'liberal', 'art', 'major', 'asks', 'want', 'fry', 'engineer', 'major', 'asks']",14
"Get a job on a construction site. 
One day the foreman has to keep an early appointment, so he leaves the black guy and the white guy in charge of building, and leaves the Chinese guy in charge of supplies. 
Hours later, the foreman returns to find the black and white guys standing around, and no sign at all of the Chinese guy. 
""WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!"" ""We've got a schedule to keep, there's no time for dicking around!"" 
The black guy tells him that they laid out the foundation, and couldn't do any more because the Chinese guy never showed up with any supplies. 
The foreman isn't interested in excuses, and continues screaming ""I DON'T CARE! YOU LET ME WORRY ABOUT HIM,YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE OUT TO GET..."" 
Just then, the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a big pile of dirt, throws some confetti at the foreman, and yells ""SUPPLIES!!"" ",257v7c,53,"A black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy...","['get', 'job', 'construction', 'site', 'one', 'day', 'foreman', 'keep', 'early', 'appointment', 'leaf', 'black', 'guy', 'white', 'guy', 'charge', 'building', 'leaf', 'chinese', 'guy', 'charge', 'supply', 'hour', 'later', 'foreman', 'return', 'find', 'black', 'white', 'guy', 'standing', 'around', 'sign', 'chinese', 'guy', 'hell', 'going', 'got', 'schedule', 'keep', 'time', 'dicking', 'around', 'black', 'guy', 'tell', 'laid', 'foundation', 'could', 'chinese', 'guy', 'never', 'showed', 'supply', 'foreman', 'interested', 'excuse', 'continues', 'screaming', 'care', 'let', 'worry', 'gone', 'get', 'chinese', 'guy', 'jump', 'behind', 'big', 'pile', 'dirt', 'throw', 'confetti', 'foreman', 'yell', 'supply']","['black', 'guy', 'white', 'guy', 'chinese', 'guy']","['get', 'job', 'construction', 'site', 'one', 'day', 'foreman', 'keep', 'early', 'appointment', 'leaf', 'black', 'guy', 'white', 'guy', 'charge', 'building', 'leaf', 'chinese', 'guy', 'charge', 'supply', 'hour', 'later', 'foreman', 'return', 'find', 'black', 'white', 'guy', 'standing', 'around', 'sign', 'chinese', 'guy', 'hell', 'going', 'got', 'schedule', 'keep', 'time', 'dicking', 'around', 'black', 'guy', 'tell', 'laid', 'foundation', 'could', 'chinese', 'guy', 'never', 'showed', 'supply', 'foreman', 'interested', 'excuse', 'continues', 'screaming', 'care', 'let', 'worry', 'gone', 'get', 'chinese', 'guy', 'jump', 'behind', 'big', 'pile', 'dirt', 'throw', 'confetti', 'foreman', 'yell', 'supply', 'black', 'guy', 'white', 'guy', 'chinese', 'guy']",82
"Because they were Russian...


Why was WWII so long?


They were Stalin...",3u5nr8,53,Why was WWI so short?,"['russian', 'wwii', 'long', 'stalin']","['wwi', 'short']","['russian', 'wwii', 'long', 'stalin', 'wwi', 'short']",6
They both got six months.,35v0vo,53,Did you hear about the couple who stole a calendar?,"['got', 'six', 'month']","['hear', 'couple', 'stole', 'calendar']","['got', 'six', 'month', 'hear', 'couple', 'stole', 'calendar']",7
The lifeguard shouted so loudly that I nearly fell in!,1wnku1,53,I got caught taking a piss in the swimming pool earlier...,"['lifeguard', 'shouted', 'loudly', 'nearly', 'fell']","['got', 'caught', 'taking', 'piss', 'swimming', 'pool', 'earlier']","['lifeguard', 'shouted', 'loudly', 'nearly', 'fell', 'got', 'caught', 'taking', 'piss', 'swimming', 'pool', 'earlier']",12
"Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'""",3moufp,53,"The teacher asked Jimmy, ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?""","['jimmy', 'replied', 'cry', 'heard', 'daddy', 'tell', 'mommy', 'going', 'eat', 'p', 'ssy', 'jimmy', 'leaf', 'school', 'today']","['teacher', 'asked', 'jimmy', 'cat', 'school', 'today', 'jimmy']","['jimmy', 'replied', 'cry', 'heard', 'daddy', 'tell', 'mommy', 'going', 'eat', 'p', 'ssy', 'jimmy', 'leaf', 'school', 'today', 'teacher', 'asked', 'jimmy', 'cat', 'school', 'today', 'jimmy']",22
"Sure they taste the same, but it just ain't right.",1lqbx3,53,What does non-alcoholic beer and going down on you cousin have in common?,"['sure', 'taste', 'ai', 'right']","['beer', 'going', 'cousin', 'common']","['sure', 'taste', 'ai', 'right', 'beer', 'going', 'cousin', 'common']",8
you dont get either at home. ,1lfyra,53,what do eggs benedict and a blow job have in common?,"['dont', 'get', 'either', 'home']","['egg', 'benedict', 'blow', 'job', 'common']","['dont', 'get', 'either', 'home', 'egg', 'benedict', 'blow', 'job', 'common']",9
"So a traffic cop is sitting in his car on the side of the road. The cars go past, nobody is speeding. However, as police officer is watching, a car with a dozen penguins drives past. The cop pulls the man over and says, ""Sir! Why do you have all these penguins in your car?"" The man shrugs and says. ""I dunno."" The officer tells him, ""You gotta take these penguins to the zoo!"" The man says ""Okay."" and drives off.

A couple of hours later, the traffic cop is about to end his shift when he see the same car drive past... and it STILL has all the penguins in it. Furious, the officer pull the man over again and says, ""I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!"" The man replies, ""I did! Now we're going to the movies!""",4wl8du,53,A traffic cop and some penguins,"['traffic', 'cop', 'sitting', 'car', 'side', 'road', 'car', 'go', 'past', 'nobody', 'speeding', 'however', 'police', 'officer', 'watching', 'car', 'dozen', 'penguin', 'drive', 'past', 'cop', 'pull', 'man', 'say', 'sir', 'penguin', 'car', 'man', 'shrug', 'say', 'dunno', 'officer', 'tell', 'got', 'ta', 'take', 'penguin', 'zoo', 'man', 'say', 'okay', 'drive', 'couple', 'hour', 'later', 'traffic', 'cop', 'end', 'shift', 'see', 'car', 'drive', 'past', 'still', 'penguin', 'furious', 'officer', 'pull', 'man', 'say', 'thought', 'told', 'take', 'penguin', 'zoo', 'man', 'reply', 'going', 'movie']","['traffic', 'cop', 'penguin']","['traffic', 'cop', 'sitting', 'car', 'side', 'road', 'car', 'go', 'past', 'nobody', 'speeding', 'however', 'police', 'officer', 'watching', 'car', 'dozen', 'penguin', 'drive', 'past', 'cop', 'pull', 'man', 'say', 'sir', 'penguin', 'car', 'man', 'shrug', 'say', 'dunno', 'officer', 'tell', 'got', 'ta', 'take', 'penguin', 'zoo', 'man', 'say', 'okay', 'drive', 'couple', 'hour', 'later', 'traffic', 'cop', 'end', 'shift', 'see', 'car', 'drive', 'past', 'still', 'penguin', 'furious', 'officer', 'pull', 'man', 'say', 'thought', 'told', 'take', 'penguin', 'zoo', 'man', 'reply', 'going', 'movie', 'traffic', 'cop', 'penguin']",72
Leave the plunger in the toilet,4jdvwp,53,How do you surprise Helen Keller?,"['leave', 'plunger', 'toilet']","['surprise', 'helen', 'keller']","['leave', 'plunger', 'toilet', 'surprise', 'helen', 'keller']",6
Depends. ,3emzgb,53,What does eighty year old pussy taste like?,['depends'],"['eighty', 'year', 'old', 'pussy', 'taste', 'like']","['depends', 'eighty', 'year', 'old', 'pussy', 'taste', 'like']",7
Only half the people turned up.,4k8d1y,53,I arranged a fundraising event for victims of land mines last week. Total waste of time though!!,"['half', 'people', 'turned']","['arranged', 'fundraising', 'event', 'victim', 'land', 'mine', 'last', 'week', 'total', 'waste', 'time', 'though']","['half', 'people', 'turned', 'arranged', 'fundraising', 'event', 'victim', 'land', 'mine', 'last', 'week', 'total', 'waste', 'time', 'though']",15
"The 1911 says to the Glock: ""Hey, ugly foreigner, want to do a drinking contest?""

The Glock says ""You old idiot, you can only last 8 rounds!""

From a friend of mine who's a gun enthusiast.",276chb,53,A Colt 1911 and a Glock walks into a bar...,"['say', 'glock', 'hey', 'ugly', 'foreigner', 'want', 'drinking', 'contest', 'glock', 'say', 'old', 'idiot', 'last', 'round', 'friend', 'mine', 'gun', 'enthusiast']","['colt', 'glock', 'walk', 'bar']","['say', 'glock', 'hey', 'ugly', 'foreigner', 'want', 'drinking', 'contest', 'glock', 'say', 'old', 'idiot', 'last', 'round', 'friend', 'mine', 'gun', 'enthusiast', 'colt', 'glock', 'walk', 'bar']",22
"One a poodle the other a great dane start chatting. Great dane asks the poodle why he's at the vet, poodle replies that he was feeling a bit frisky that morning and seeing the family cat decided to jump on it and give it a good humping. Now his owner has brought him here to be castrated. And why are you here the poodle askes the great dane?
Well I too was feeling randy this morning and seeing my owner come naked out of the shower I decided to jump on her and give her a good shagging. Oh replies the poodle so you're here to be castrated as well. No, replies the great dane I'm here to have my nails trimmed.
",4j1kan,53,Two dogs at the vet,"['one', 'poodle', 'great', 'dane', 'start', 'chatting', 'great', 'dane', 'asks', 'poodle', 'vet', 'poodle', 'reply', 'feeling', 'bit', 'frisky', 'morning', 'seeing', 'family', 'cat', 'decided', 'jump', 'give', 'good', 'humping', 'owner', 'brought', 'castrated', 'poodle', 'askes', 'great', 'dane', 'well', 'feeling', 'randy', 'morning', 'seeing', 'owner', 'come', 'naked', 'shower', 'decided', 'jump', 'give', 'good', 'shagging', 'oh', 'reply', 'poodle', 'castrated', 'well', 'reply', 'great', 'dane', 'nail', 'trimmed']","['two', 'dog', 'vet']","['one', 'poodle', 'great', 'dane', 'start', 'chatting', 'great', 'dane', 'asks', 'poodle', 'vet', 'poodle', 'reply', 'feeling', 'bit', 'frisky', 'morning', 'seeing', 'family', 'cat', 'decided', 'jump', 'give', 'good', 'humping', 'owner', 'brought', 'castrated', 'poodle', 'askes', 'great', 'dane', 'well', 'feeling', 'randy', 'morning', 'seeing', 'owner', 'come', 'naked', 'shower', 'decided', 'jump', 'give', 'good', 'shagging', 'oh', 'reply', 'poodle', 'castrated', 'well', 'reply', 'great', 'dane', 'nail', 'trimmed', 'two', 'dog', 'vet']",59
"watching a dog lick its balls.

One turns to the other and says ""I wish I could do that.""

The second drunk replies ""Give him a biscuit and he might let you.""",380iil,53,Two bloke sitting in a pub,"['watching', 'dog', 'lick', 'ball', 'one', 'turn', 'say', 'wish', 'could', 'second', 'drunk', 'reply', 'give', 'biscuit', 'might', 'let']","['two', 'bloke', 'sitting', 'pub']","['watching', 'dog', 'lick', 'ball', 'one', 'turn', 'say', 'wish', 'could', 'second', 'drunk', 'reply', 'give', 'biscuit', 'might', 'let', 'two', 'bloke', 'sitting', 'pub']",20
"One day shes walking by Charlie's room and sees him steering an imaginary steering wheel. ""What are you doing Charlie?"" She asks.
""I'm driving to Chicago!"" He replies.
""Oh ok then.""

Next day she walks by again, and hes still ""driving."" She asks, ""what are you doing Charlie?"" He replies, ""I just got to Chicago and I'm driving around!"" She shakes her head, ""ok then.""

As she's walking off she peeks into the next door, where Allen sleeps, and sees him furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks ""my goodness Allen, what are doing?!""

""I'm fucking Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!""",1gh9li,53,Jill works at an insane asylum....,"['one', 'day', 'shes', 'walking', 'charlie', 'room', 'see', 'steering', 'imaginary', 'steering', 'wheel', 'charlie', 'asks', 'driving', 'chicago', 'reply', 'oh', 'ok', 'next', 'day', 'walk', 'he', 'still', 'driving', 'asks', 'charlie', 'reply', 'got', 'chicago', 'driving', 'around', 'shake', 'head', 'ok', 'walking', 'peek', 'next', 'door', 'allen', 'sleep', 'see', 'furiously', 'masturbating', 'shocked', 'asks', 'goodness', 'allen', 'fucking', 'charlie', 'wife', 'chicago']","['jill', 'work', 'insane', 'asylum']","['one', 'day', 'shes', 'walking', 'charlie', 'room', 'see', 'steering', 'imaginary', 'steering', 'wheel', 'charlie', 'asks', 'driving', 'chicago', 'reply', 'oh', 'ok', 'next', 'day', 'walk', 'he', 'still', 'driving', 'asks', 'charlie', 'reply', 'got', 'chicago', 'driving', 'around', 'shake', 'head', 'ok', 'walking', 'peek', 'next', 'door', 'allen', 'sleep', 'see', 'furiously', 'masturbating', 'shocked', 'asks', 'goodness', 'allen', 'fucking', 'charlie', 'wife', 'chicago', 'jill', 'work', 'insane', 'asylum']",55
"He goes to see his rabbi one day and says,

""Rabbi you won't believe what happened to me! Last week someone stole my bicycle from synagogue!""

The rabbi is deeply upset by this, but after thinking for a moment he offers a solution:

""Next week come to services, sit in the fron row, and when we recite the Ten Commandments, turn around and look at the people behind you. Aand when we get to 'Thou shalt not steal,' see who can't look you in the eyes and that's your guy.""

The rabbi is very pleased with his suggestion, and so is the man. At the next service, the rabbi is very curious to learn whether his advice panned out. He waits for the man by the doors of the synagogue, and asks him, 

""So, did it work?""

""Like a charm,"" the man answers. ""The moment we got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my bike!""


Complements of the book, ""The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty"" by Dan Ariely",3rg9f0,53,A guy gets his bike stolen from synagogue...,"['go', 'see', 'rabbi', 'one', 'day', 'say', 'rabbi', 'wo', 'believe', 'happened', 'last', 'week', 'someone', 'stole', 'bicycle', 'synagogue', 'rabbi', 'deeply', 'upset', 'thinking', 'moment', 'offer', 'solution', 'next', 'week', 'come', 'service', 'sit', 'fron', 'row', 'recite', 'ten', 'commandment', 'turn', 'around', 'look', 'people', 'behind', 'aand', 'get', 'shalt', 'steal', 'see', 'ca', 'look', 'eye', 'guy', 'rabbi', 'pleased', 'suggestion', 'man', 'next', 'service', 'rabbi', 'curious', 'learn', 'whether', 'advice', 'panned', 'wait', 'man', 'door', 'synagogue', 'asks', 'work', 'like', 'charm', 'man', 'answer', 'moment', 'got', 'shalt', 'commit', 'adultery', 'remembered', 'left', 'bike', 'complement', 'book', 'honest', 'truth', 'dishonesty', 'dan', 'ariely']","['guy', 'get', 'bike', 'stolen', 'synagogue']","['go', 'see', 'rabbi', 'one', 'day', 'say', 'rabbi', 'wo', 'believe', 'happened', 'last', 'week', 'someone', 'stole', 'bicycle', 'synagogue', 'rabbi', 'deeply', 'upset', 'thinking', 'moment', 'offer', 'solution', 'next', 'week', 'come', 'service', 'sit', 'fron', 'row', 'recite', 'ten', 'commandment', 'turn', 'around', 'look', 'people', 'behind', 'aand', 'get', 'shalt', 'steal', 'see', 'ca', 'look', 'eye', 'guy', 'rabbi', 'pleased', 'suggestion', 'man', 'next', 'service', 'rabbi', 'curious', 'learn', 'whether', 'advice', 'panned', 'wait', 'man', 'door', 'synagogue', 'asks', 'work', 'like', 'charm', 'man', 'answer', 'moment', 'got', 'shalt', 'commit', 'adultery', 'remembered', 'left', 'bike', 'complement', 'book', 'honest', 'truth', 'dishonesty', 'dan', 'ariely', 'guy', 'get', 'bike', 'stolen', 'synagogue']",89
Only one...but the light bulb has to WANT to change.,3l8s71,53,How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?,"['one', 'light', 'bulb', 'want', 'change']","['many', 'psychologist', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['one', 'light', 'bulb', 'want', 'change', 'many', 'psychologist', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']",10
"By walking.  

Jk. Rowling",3vigrf,53,How did Harry Potter get down the hill?,"['walking', 'jk', 'rowling']","['harry', 'potter', 'get', 'hill']","['walking', 'jk', 'rowling', 'harry', 'potter', 'get', 'hill']",7
"One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts ""Earthquake!"" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim.""Tornado!"" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts ""Fire""!
",2jnq5d,53,"The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.","['one', 'day', 'brunette', 'redhead', 'blonde', 'set', 'executed', 'lined', 'three', 'woman', 'front', 'firing', 'squad', 'first', 'brought', 'brunette', 'ready', 'aim', 'shoot', 'shout', 'earthquake', 'commotion', 'escape', 'chaos', 'dy', 'bring', 'redhead', 'ready', 'tornado', 'escape', 'bring', 'blonde', 'time', 'blonde', 'caught', 'ready', 'aim', 'shout', 'fire']","['brunette', 'redhead', 'blonde']","['one', 'day', 'brunette', 'redhead', 'blonde', 'set', 'executed', 'lined', 'three', 'woman', 'front', 'firing', 'squad', 'first', 'brought', 'brunette', 'ready', 'aim', 'shoot', 'shout', 'earthquake', 'commotion', 'escape', 'chaos', 'dy', 'bring', 'redhead', 'ready', 'tornado', 'escape', 'bring', 'blonde', 'time', 'blonde', 'caught', 'ready', 'aim', 'shout', 'fire', 'brunette', 'redhead', 'blonde']",42
Because their wives are driving.,4mvipj,53,Why do most car accidents happen when men are drunk?,"['wife', 'driving']","['car', 'accident', 'happen', 'men', 'drunk']","['wife', 'driving', 'car', 'accident', 'happen', 'men', 'drunk']",7
"A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech. After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine driver commented that he'd heard the speech enough times, and that even though he didn't understand it, he felt as if he could deliver it word-for-word. So the physicist agreed to trade places and let him give the speech, and the physicist would sit in the back and wear the limousine driver's uniform. After giving the speech flawlessly, the limousine driver opened the floor for questions from the students (typically there were none). However, at this particular University there was a rather egotistical student who thought he was smart enough to compete mentally with the Nobel physicist. The question took 5 minutes to get out and would require a rather lengthy explanation and some complex calculus to answer. Without batting an eye, the limousine driver responded to the young student by saying, ""The answer to that question is so easy, I'll let my limousine driver, seated in the back, respond.""",4q6hj8,53,Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver,"['nobel', 'award', 'winning', 'physicist', 'afraid', 'flying', 'speaking', 'tour', 'nation', 'top', 'college', 'travelled', 'limousine', 'destination', 'give', 'speech', 'two', 'dozen', 'engagement', 'physicist', 'limousine', 'driver', 'dinner', 'next', 'speech', 'limousine', 'driver', 'commented', 'heard', 'speech', 'enough', 'time', 'even', 'though', 'understand', 'felt', 'could', 'deliver', 'physicist', 'agreed', 'trade', 'place', 'let', 'give', 'speech', 'physicist', 'would', 'sit', 'back', 'wear', 'limousine', 'driver', 'uniform', 'giving', 'speech', 'flawlessly', 'limousine', 'driver', 'opened', 'floor', 'question', 'student', 'typically', 'none', 'however', 'particular', 'university', 'rather', 'egotistical', 'student', 'thought', 'smart', 'enough', 'compete', 'mentally', 'nobel', 'physicist', 'question', 'took', 'minute', 'get', 'would', 'require', 'rather', 'lengthy', 'explanation', 'complex', 'calculus', 'answer', 'without', 'batting', 'eye', 'limousine', 'driver', 'responded', 'young', 'student', 'saying', 'answer', 'question', 'easy', 'let', 'limousine', 'driver', 'seated', 'back', 'respond']","['nobel', 'award', 'winning', 'physicist', 'limo', 'driver']","['nobel', 'award', 'winning', 'physicist', 'afraid', 'flying', 'speaking', 'tour', 'nation', 'top', 'college', 'travelled', 'limousine', 'destination', 'give', 'speech', 'two', 'dozen', 'engagement', 'physicist', 'limousine', 'driver', 'dinner', 'next', 'speech', 'limousine', 'driver', 'commented', 'heard', 'speech', 'enough', 'time', 'even', 'though', 'understand', 'felt', 'could', 'deliver', 'physicist', 'agreed', 'trade', 'place', 'let', 'give', 'speech', 'physicist', 'would', 'sit', 'back', 'wear', 'limousine', 'driver', 'uniform', 'giving', 'speech', 'flawlessly', 'limousine', 'driver', 'opened', 'floor', 'question', 'student', 'typically', 'none', 'however', 'particular', 'university', 'rather', 'egotistical', 'student', 'thought', 'smart', 'enough', 'compete', 'mentally', 'nobel', 'physicist', 'question', 'took', 'minute', 'get', 'would', 'require', 'rather', 'lengthy', 'explanation', 'complex', 'calculus', 'answer', 'without', 'batting', 'eye', 'limousine', 'driver', 'responded', 'young', 'student', 'saying', 'answer', 'question', 'easy', 'let', 'limousine', 'driver', 'seated', 'back', 'respond', 'nobel', 'award', 'winning', 'physicist', 'limo', 'driver']",113
"When my best friend turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail: UB40.   


2 months later, on my 40th, I received a CD in the mail from him: U2.  ",20las8,53,Turning 40,"['best', 'friend', 'turned', 'sent', 'cd', 'mail', 'month', 'later', 'received', 'cd', 'mail']",['turning'],"['best', 'friend', 'turned', 'sent', 'cd', 'mail', 'month', 'later', 'received', 'cd', 'mail', 'turning']",12
"So a man walks up to his his wife and says, ""Honey, today you the dog and I are going fishing."" The wife says, ""I hate fishing so much, I refuse to go."" ""Alright"", says the husband, "" in that case I will give you three options. Give me head, do anal, or go fishing."" The wife takes some time to think about it and then later walks up to her husband and say, ""I have decided that I will give you head."" She gets down and sucks her husbands dick and is drawn aback and say, ""Your dick tastes like absolute shit!"" The husband say, ""The dog didn't want to go fishing either.""",1kmicx,53,Gone Fishing.,"['man', 'walk', 'wife', 'say', 'honey', 'today', 'dog', 'going', 'fishing', 'wife', 'say', 'hate', 'fishing', 'much', 'refuse', 'go', 'alright', 'say', 'husband', 'case', 'give', 'three', 'option', 'give', 'head', 'anal', 'go', 'fishing', 'wife', 'take', 'time', 'think', 'later', 'walk', 'husband', 'say', 'decided', 'give', 'head', 'get', 'suck', 'husband', 'dick', 'drawn', 'aback', 'say', 'dick', 'taste', 'like', 'absolute', 'shit', 'husband', 'say', 'dog', 'want', 'go', 'fishing', 'either']","['gone', 'fishing']","['man', 'walk', 'wife', 'say', 'honey', 'today', 'dog', 'going', 'fishing', 'wife', 'say', 'hate', 'fishing', 'much', 'refuse', 'go', 'alright', 'say', 'husband', 'case', 'give', 'three', 'option', 'give', 'head', 'anal', 'go', 'fishing', 'wife', 'take', 'time', 'think', 'later', 'walk', 'husband', 'say', 'decided', 'give', 'head', 'get', 'suck', 'husband', 'dick', 'drawn', 'aback', 'say', 'dick', 'taste', 'like', 'absolute', 'shit', 'husband', 'say', 'dog', 'want', 'go', 'fishing', 'either', 'gone', 'fishing']",60
"They played crank that, and I did the Superman.

They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.

They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.
",3yqm50,53,So I was at the club,"['played', 'crank', 'superman', 'played', 'cupid', 'shuffle', 'cupid', 'shuffle', 'played', 'come', 'eileen', 'got', 'kicked', 'club']",['club'],"['played', 'crank', 'superman', 'played', 'cupid', 'shuffle', 'cupid', 'shuffle', 'played', 'come', 'eileen', 'got', 'kicked', 'club', 'club']",15
Boo-bees.,4lb74d,53,What kind of bees give milk?,[],"['kind', 'bee', 'give', 'milk']","['kind', 'bee', 'give', 'milk']",4
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning,2jwafb,53,Why did the sperm cross the road?,"['put', 'wrong', 'sock', 'morning']","['sperm', 'cross', 'road']","['put', 'wrong', 'sock', 'morning', 'sperm', 'cross', 'road']",7
"
Their criminal record.",2hvm7q,53,What do black guys have that’s double the size of white men and gets bigger every time they touch a woman?,"['criminal', 'record']","['black', 'guy', 'double', 'size', 'white', 'men', 'get', 'bigger', 'every', 'time', 'touch', 'woman']","['criminal', 'record', 'black', 'guy', 'double', 'size', 'white', 'men', 'get', 'bigger', 'every', 'time', 'touch', 'woman']",14
"There once was a handsome, sentient snail. One day, he passed by a local convenience store and decided to enter in a lottery. A week later, he discovered he had won!

With his new fortune, he bought a brand new car. As it sat in his garage, he couldn't help thinking it lacked a little pizzaz. He found a bucket of paint and paintbrush and painted an enormous ""S"" for ""snail"" on the car.

He decided to go for a drive. As he happily drove down the street, the onlookers said...

""Look at that S car go.""
",2zxmi3,53,My dad used to tell me this one when I was little.,"['handsome', 'sentient', 'snail', 'one', 'day', 'passed', 'local', 'convenience', 'store', 'decided', 'enter', 'lottery', 'week', 'later', 'discovered', 'new', 'fortune', 'bought', 'brand', 'new', 'car', 'sat', 'garage', 'could', 'help', 'thinking', 'lacked', 'little', 'pizzaz', 'found', 'bucket', 'paint', 'paintbrush', 'painted', 'enormous', 'snail', 'car', 'decided', 'go', 'drive', 'happily', 'drove', 'street', 'onlooker', 'said', 'look', 'car', 'go']","['dad', 'used', 'tell', 'one', 'little']","['handsome', 'sentient', 'snail', 'one', 'day', 'passed', 'local', 'convenience', 'store', 'decided', 'enter', 'lottery', 'week', 'later', 'discovered', 'new', 'fortune', 'bought', 'brand', 'new', 'car', 'sat', 'garage', 'could', 'help', 'thinking', 'lacked', 'little', 'pizzaz', 'found', 'bucket', 'paint', 'paintbrush', 'painted', 'enormous', 'snail', 'car', 'decided', 'go', 'drive', 'happily', 'drove', 'street', 'onlooker', 'said', 'look', 'car', 'go', 'dad', 'used', 'tell', 'one', 'little']",53
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.,1g5ah4,53,I Used To Date A Girl With A Lazy Eye...,"['turn', 'seeing', 'someone', 'else', 'whole', 'time']","['used', 'date', 'girl', 'lazy', 'eye']","['turn', 'seeing', 'someone', 'else', 'whole', 'time', 'used', 'date', 'girl', 'lazy', 'eye']",11
"and orders two drinks, having one for himself and leaving the other one untouched at the stool beside him. The next day, the bartender notices that he does it again, and the day after, he does it a third time. When he does it a fourth time, the bartender finally asks him ""why do you keep ordering two drinks but only having one?"". In response, the physicist says ""according to the laws of physics, there is a statistical chance that billions of atoms could align perfectly and form a beautiful woman sitting on the stool"". The bartender then asks ""why don't you just ask a woman to have a drink with you and see if she says yes?"", to which the physicist replies ""well what's the chance that that's actually going to happen?""",3scnc6,53,A physicist walks into a bar...,"['order', 'two', 'drink', 'one', 'leaving', 'one', 'untouched', 'stool', 'beside', 'next', 'day', 'bartender', 'notice', 'day', 'third', 'time', 'fourth', 'time', 'bartender', 'finally', 'asks', 'keep', 'ordering', 'two', 'drink', 'one', 'response', 'physicist', 'say', 'according', 'law', 'physic', 'statistical', 'chance', 'billion', 'atom', 'could', 'align', 'perfectly', 'form', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'sitting', 'stool', 'bartender', 'asks', 'ask', 'woman', 'drink', 'see', 'say', 'yes', 'physicist', 'reply', 'well', 'chance', 'actually', 'going', 'happen']","['physicist', 'walk', 'bar']","['order', 'two', 'drink', 'one', 'leaving', 'one', 'untouched', 'stool', 'beside', 'next', 'day', 'bartender', 'notice', 'day', 'third', 'time', 'fourth', 'time', 'bartender', 'finally', 'asks', 'keep', 'ordering', 'two', 'drink', 'one', 'response', 'physicist', 'say', 'according', 'law', 'physic', 'statistical', 'chance', 'billion', 'atom', 'could', 'align', 'perfectly', 'form', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'sitting', 'stool', 'bartender', 'asks', 'ask', 'woman', 'drink', 'see', 'say', 'yes', 'physicist', 'reply', 'well', 'chance', 'actually', 'going', 'happen', 'physicist', 'walk', 'bar']",62
Hose A and Hose B.,23ssuo,53,What do you call two mexican firefighters?,"['hose', 'hose', 'b']","['call', 'two', 'mexican', 'firefighter']","['hose', 'hose', 'b', 'call', 'two', 'mexican', 'firefighter']",7
"A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.

 ""George!"" he yells. ""I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?""

 ""Well,"" George replies. ""I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra.""

 ""Spectacular!"" the man replies.

 ""It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the Tuba with gold and they fill the Saxophone with gold, and me with the fuckin Clarinet.""

 ""We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the Tuba with silver and they fill the Saxophone with silver, and me with the fuckin Clarinet.

 ""Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the Saxophone doesn't fit. And me with the Fucking Clarinet!""",1n3jor,53,Face the Music,"['man', 'walking', 'around', 'street', 'city', 'one', 'day', 'spy', 'old', 'friend', 'college', 'george', 'yell', 'seen', 'age', 'well', 'george', 'reply', 'clarinet', 'player', 'international', 'orchestra', 'spectacular', 'man', 'reply', 'might', 'think', 'friend', 'play', 'king', 'england', 'love', 'music', 'say', 'instrument', 'gold', 'fill', 'tuba', 'gold', 'fill', 'saxophone', 'gold', 'fuckin', 'clarinet', 'play', 'queen', 'france', 'love', 'music', 'say', 'instrument', 'silver', 'fill', 'tuba', 'silver', 'fill', 'saxophone', 'silver', 'fuckin', 'clarinet', 'play', 'czar', 'russia', 'hate', 'music', 'say', 'instrument', 'ass', 'tuba', 'fit', 'saxophone', 'fit', 'fucking', 'clarinet']","['face', 'music']","['man', 'walking', 'around', 'street', 'city', 'one', 'day', 'spy', 'old', 'friend', 'college', 'george', 'yell', 'seen', 'age', 'well', 'george', 'reply', 'clarinet', 'player', 'international', 'orchestra', 'spectacular', 'man', 'reply', 'might', 'think', 'friend', 'play', 'king', 'england', 'love', 'music', 'say', 'instrument', 'gold', 'fill', 'tuba', 'gold', 'fill', 'saxophone', 'gold', 'fuckin', 'clarinet', 'play', 'queen', 'france', 'love', 'music', 'say', 'instrument', 'silver', 'fill', 'tuba', 'silver', 'fill', 'saxophone', 'silver', 'fuckin', 'clarinet', 'play', 'czar', 'russia', 'hate', 'music', 'say', 'instrument', 'ass', 'tuba', 'fit', 'saxophone', 'fit', 'fucking', 'clarinet', 'face', 'music']",76
And she's already 14.,4sqmri,53,"I'm getting pretty worried, my girlfriend hasn't gotten her period yet.",['already'],"['getting', 'pretty', 'worried', 'girlfriend', 'gotten', 'period', 'yet']","['already', 'getting', 'pretty', 'worried', 'girlfriend', 'gotten', 'period', 'yet']",8
"Because it wasn't born yesterday..
Okay I'm done",2v9hj4,53,Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?,"['born', 'yesterday', 'okay', 'done']","['ca', 'fool', 'aborted', 'fetus']","['born', 'yesterday', 'okay', 'done', 'ca', 'fool', 'aborted', 'fetus']",8
"The first blonde asks, ""Is my blinker working?""

The second blonde checks the dashboard and responds, ""Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.""",26rhlm,53,Two blondes are driving.,"['first', 'blonde', 'asks', 'blinker', 'working', 'second', 'blonde', 'check', 'dashboard', 'responds', 'yes', 'yes', 'yes']","['two', 'blonde', 'driving']","['first', 'blonde', 'asks', 'blinker', 'working', 'second', 'blonde', 'check', 'dashboard', 'responds', 'yes', 'yes', 'yes', 'two', 'blonde', 'driving']",16
"The teacher says, ""Why are you arguing?""

One boy answers, ""We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.""

""You should be ashamed of yourselves,"" said the teacher, ""When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.""

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.",4yv5rs,53,Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.,"['teacher', 'say', 'arguing', 'one', 'boy', 'answer', 'found', 'ten', 'dollor', 'bill', 'decided', 'give', 'whoever', 'tell', 'biggest', 'lie', 'ashamed', 'said', 'teacher', 'age', 'even', 'know', 'lie', 'boy', 'gave', 'ten', 'dollar', 'teacher']","['two', 'boy', 'arguing', 'teacher', 'entered', 'room']","['teacher', 'say', 'arguing', 'one', 'boy', 'answer', 'found', 'ten', 'dollor', 'bill', 'decided', 'give', 'whoever', 'tell', 'biggest', 'lie', 'ashamed', 'said', 'teacher', 'age', 'even', 'know', 'lie', 'boy', 'gave', 'ten', 'dollar', 'teacher', 'two', 'boy', 'arguing', 'teacher', 'entered', 'room']",34
"A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day. So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: 
""Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"" And a great voice was heard from above: 
""BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"" 
",2qph5t,53,Praying For Nothing?,"['religious', 'man', 'lived', 'right', 'next', 'door', 'atheist', 'religious', 'one', 'prayed', 'day', 'day', 'constantly', 'knee', 'communion', 'lord', 'atheist', 'never', 'even', 'looked', 'twice', 'church', 'however', 'atheist', 'life', 'good', 'job', 'beautiful', 'wife', 'child', 'healthy', 'whereas', 'pious', 'man', 'job', 'strenuous', 'wage', 'low', 'wife', 'getting', 'fatter', 'every', 'day', 'kid', 'would', 'give', 'time', 'day', 'one', 'day', 'deep', 'prayer', 'usual', 'raised', 'eye', 'towards', 'heaven', 'asked', 'oh', 'god', 'honor', 'every', 'day', 'ask', 'advice', 'every', 'problem', 'confess', 'every', 'sin', 'yet', 'neighbor', 'even', 'believe', 'certainly', 'never', 'prays', 'seems', 'blessed', 'every', 'happiness', 'go', 'poor', 'suffer', 'many', 'indignity', 'great', 'voice', 'heard', 'bother', 'time']","['praying', 'nothing']","['religious', 'man', 'lived', 'right', 'next', 'door', 'atheist', 'religious', 'one', 'prayed', 'day', 'day', 'constantly', 'knee', 'communion', 'lord', 'atheist', 'never', 'even', 'looked', 'twice', 'church', 'however', 'atheist', 'life', 'good', 'job', 'beautiful', 'wife', 'child', 'healthy', 'whereas', 'pious', 'man', 'job', 'strenuous', 'wage', 'low', 'wife', 'getting', 'fatter', 'every', 'day', 'kid', 'would', 'give', 'time', 'day', 'one', 'day', 'deep', 'prayer', 'usual', 'raised', 'eye', 'towards', 'heaven', 'asked', 'oh', 'god', 'honor', 'every', 'day', 'ask', 'advice', 'every', 'problem', 'confess', 'every', 'sin', 'yet', 'neighbor', 'even', 'believe', 'certainly', 'never', 'prays', 'seems', 'blessed', 'every', 'happiness', 'go', 'poor', 'suffer', 'many', 'indignity', 'great', 'voice', 'heard', 'bother', 'time', 'praying', 'nothing']",93
But he had a *great* Fall!,1ndcrm,53,Humpty Dumpty had a good Summer...,"['great', 'fall']","['humpty', 'dumpty', 'good', 'summer']","['great', 'fall', 'humpty', 'dumpty', 'good', 'summer']",6
Oh wait never mind he can't read.,3i11s1,53,[AMA Request] Floyd Mayweather,"['oh', 'wait', 'never', 'mind', 'ca', 'read']","['ama', 'request', 'floyd', 'mayweather']","['oh', 'wait', 'never', 'mind', 'ca', 'read', 'ama', 'request', 'floyd', 'mayweather']",10
"None,  they'll just beat the room for being black.",32z8xo,53,How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?,"['none', 'beat', 'room', 'black']","['many', 'cop', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']","['none', 'beat', 'room', 'black', 'many', 'cop', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']",10
"His father replied, ""ten dollars?  what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter.",30ozr3,53,A jewish guy asks his father for $20,"['father', 'replied', 'ten', 'dollar', 'world', 'need', 'five', 'dollar', 'happy', 'give', 'dollar']","['jewish', 'guy', 'asks', 'father']","['father', 'replied', 'ten', 'dollar', 'world', 'need', 'five', 'dollar', 'happy', 'give', 'dollar', 'jewish', 'guy', 'asks', 'father']",15
A high steak situation ,4dxxsl,53,What do you call a rock climbing cow?,"['high', 'steak', 'situation']","['call', 'rock', 'climbing', 'cow']","['high', 'steak', 'situation', 'call', 'rock', 'climbing', 'cow']",7
... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.,4y4489,53,"An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty...","['engineer', 'point', 'glass', 'twice', 'big', 'need']","['optimist', 'say', 'glass', 'half', 'full', 'pessimist', 'say', 'glass', 'half', 'empty']","['engineer', 'point', 'glass', 'twice', 'big', 'need', 'optimist', 'say', 'glass', 'half', 'full', 'pessimist', 'say', 'glass', 'half', 'empty']",16
but I'm a vagina half full kind of guy.,2s3r2q,53,"My girlfriend is quite pessimistic about our sex life,","['vagina', 'half', 'full', 'kind', 'guy']","['girlfriend', 'quite', 'pessimistic', 'sex', 'life']","['vagina', 'half', 'full', 'kind', 'guy', 'girlfriend', 'quite', 'pessimistic', 'sex', 'life']",10
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.,3klc7d,53,What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?,"['give', 'fuck', 'computer', 'crash']","['difference', 'paul', 'walker', 'computer']","['give', 'fuck', 'computer', 'crash', 'difference', 'paul', 'walker', 'computer']",8
"So these two girls are sitting at a bar, and a trucker walks up to them. He asks them if he can buy them each a drink. One of the girls turns around and says to him ""Sorry we're lesbians."" He then asks them what that means. ""It means we like pussy"" explained the girl. The trucker then turns to the bartender and says ""Hey bartender, get us lesbians some drinks.""",50f5hq,53,Two girls are sitting at a bar...,"['two', 'girl', 'sitting', 'bar', 'trucker', 'walk', 'asks', 'buy', 'drink', 'one', 'girl', 'turn', 'around', 'say', 'sorry', 'lesbian', 'asks', 'mean', 'mean', 'like', 'pussy', 'explained', 'girl', 'trucker', 'turn', 'bartender', 'say', 'hey', 'bartender', 'get', 'u', 'lesbian', 'drink']","['two', 'girl', 'sitting', 'bar']","['two', 'girl', 'sitting', 'bar', 'trucker', 'walk', 'asks', 'buy', 'drink', 'one', 'girl', 'turn', 'around', 'say', 'sorry', 'lesbian', 'asks', 'mean', 'mean', 'like', 'pussy', 'explained', 'girl', 'trucker', 'turn', 'bartender', 'say', 'hey', 'bartender', 'get', 'u', 'lesbian', 'drink', 'two', 'girl', 'sitting', 'bar']",37
"I woke up exhausted 
",1kluhu,53,I had a dream I was a muffler,"['woke', 'exhausted']","['dream', 'muffler']","['woke', 'exhausted', 'dream', 'muffler']",4
He's making land-mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof.,2ie4d8,53,A freind of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.,"['making', 'look', 'like', 'prayer', 'mat', 'well', 'say', 'prophet', 'going', 'roof']","['freind', 'mine', 'started', 'business', 'afghanistan']","['making', 'look', 'like', 'prayer', 'mat', 'well', 'say', 'prophet', 'going', 'roof', 'freind', 'mine', 'started', 'business', 'afghanistan']",15
"A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.",1pvlml,53,A mathematical limerick,"['dozen', 'gross', 'score', 'plus', 'three', 'time', 'square', 'root', 'four', 'divided', 'seven', 'plus', 'five', 'time', 'eleven', 'nine', 'squared', 'bit']","['mathematical', 'limerick']","['dozen', 'gross', 'score', 'plus', 'three', 'time', 'square', 'root', 'four', 'divided', 'seven', 'plus', 'five', 'time', 'eleven', 'nine', 'squared', 'bit', 'mathematical', 'limerick']",20
"This guy sees a sign in front of a house: ""Talking Dog for Sale."" He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

""You talk?"" he asks.

""Yep,"" the mutt replies.

""So, what's your story?""

The mutt looks up and says, ""Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

""The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

""I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.""

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says ""Ten dollars.""

The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, ""This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?""

The owner replies, ""He's such a liar.""",3sgent,53,Dog for sale . . .,"['guy', 'see', 'sign', 'front', 'house', 'talking', 'dog', 'sale', 'ring', 'bell', 'owner', 'tell', 'dog', 'back', 'yard', 'guy', 'go', 'back', 'yard', 'see', 'mutt', 'sitting', 'talk', 'asks', 'yep', 'mutt', 'reply', 'story', 'mutt', 'look', 'say', 'well', 'discovered', 'gift', 'pretty', 'young', 'wanted', 'help', 'government', 'told', 'cia', 'gift', 'time', 'jetting', 'country', 'country', 'sitting', 'room', 'spy', 'world', 'leader', 'cause', 'one', 'figured', 'dog', 'would', 'eavesdropping', 'one', 'valuable', 'spy', 'eight', 'year', 'running', 'jetting', 'around', 'really', 'tired', 'knew', 'getting', 'younger', 'wanted', 'settle', 'signed', 'job', 'airport', 'undercover', 'security', 'work', 'mostly', 'wandering', 'near', 'suspicious', 'character', 'listening', 'uncovered', 'incredible', 'dealing', 'awarded', 'batch', 'medal', 'wife', 'mess', 'puppy', 'retired', 'guy', 'amazed', 'go', 'back', 'asks', 'owner', 'want', 'dog', 'owner', 'say', 'ten', 'dollar', 'guy', 'say', 'buy', 'asks', 'owner', 'dog', 'amazing', 'earth', 'selling', 'owner', 'reply', 'liar']","['dog', 'sale']","['guy', 'see', 'sign', 'front', 'house', 'talking', 'dog', 'sale', 'ring', 'bell', 'owner', 'tell', 'dog', 'back', 'yard', 'guy', 'go', 'back', 'yard', 'see', 'mutt', 'sitting', 'talk', 'asks', 'yep', 'mutt', 'reply', 'story', 'mutt', 'look', 'say', 'well', 'discovered', 'gift', 'pretty', 'young', 'wanted', 'help', 'government', 'told', 'cia', 'gift', 'time', 'jetting', 'country', 'country', 'sitting', 'room', 'spy', 'world', 'leader', 'cause', 'one', 'figured', 'dog', 'would', 'eavesdropping', 'one', 'valuable', 'spy', 'eight', 'year', 'running', 'jetting', 'around', 'really', 'tired', 'knew', 'getting', 'younger', 'wanted', 'settle', 'signed', 'job', 'airport', 'undercover', 'security', 'work', 'mostly', 'wandering', 'near', 'suspicious', 'character', 'listening', 'uncovered', 'incredible', 'dealing', 'awarded', 'batch', 'medal', 'wife', 'mess', 'puppy', 'retired', 'guy', 'amazed', 'go', 'back', 'asks', 'owner', 'want', 'dog', 'owner', 'say', 'ten', 'dollar', 'guy', 'say', 'buy', 'asks', 'owner', 'dog', 'amazing', 'earth', 'selling', 'owner', 'reply', 'liar', 'dog', 'sale']",120
He gave her the biggest tip she ever had,4tezjw,53,Why did the prostitute cry after her customer left?,"['gave', 'biggest', 'tip', 'ever']","['prostitute', 'cry', 'customer', 'left']","['gave', 'biggest', 'tip', 'ever', 'prostitute', 'cry', 'customer', 'left']",8
"An woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist.

“I know,” she said. “But if I die before my husband, I’m sure he’ll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”


",2wzvz4,53,An woman decided to have her portrait painted.,"['woman', 'decided', 'portrait', 'painted', 'told', 'artist', 'paint', 'diamond', 'earring', 'diamond', 'necklace', 'emerald', 'bracelet', 'ruby', 'broach', 'gold', 'wearing', 'thing', 'replied', 'artist', 'know', 'said', 'die', 'husband', 'sure', 'remarry', 'right', 'away', 'want', 'new', 'wife', 'go', 'crazy', 'looking', 'jewelry']","['woman', 'decided', 'portrait', 'painted']","['woman', 'decided', 'portrait', 'painted', 'told', 'artist', 'paint', 'diamond', 'earring', 'diamond', 'necklace', 'emerald', 'bracelet', 'ruby', 'broach', 'gold', 'wearing', 'thing', 'replied', 'artist', 'know', 'said', 'die', 'husband', 'sure', 'remarry', 'right', 'away', 'want', 'new', 'wife', 'go', 'crazy', 'looking', 'jewelry', 'woman', 'decided', 'portrait', 'painted']",39
"masturbating.  His dad continues to vigorously masturbate while his son stands in shock.  

The boy asks ""Dad, what are you doing?""

His dad reponds ""I'm masturbating, son.  Pay attention to my form.  It'll come in handy, cause you'll be doing it soon enough.""

The boy asks ""You think so?""

And his dad says ""Absolutely, because my arm is starting to get tired...""",4ju1so,53,A boy walks in on his dad..,"['masturbating', 'dad', 'continues', 'vigorously', 'masturbate', 'son', 'stand', 'shock', 'boy', 'asks', 'dad', 'dad', 'reponds', 'masturbating', 'son', 'pay', 'attention', 'form', 'come', 'handy', 'cause', 'soon', 'enough', 'boy', 'asks', 'think', 'dad', 'say', 'absolutely', 'arm', 'starting', 'get', 'tired']","['boy', 'walk', 'dad']","['masturbating', 'dad', 'continues', 'vigorously', 'masturbate', 'son', 'stand', 'shock', 'boy', 'asks', 'dad', 'dad', 'reponds', 'masturbating', 'son', 'pay', 'attention', 'form', 'come', 'handy', 'cause', 'soon', 'enough', 'boy', 'asks', 'think', 'dad', 'say', 'absolutely', 'arm', 'starting', 'get', 'tired', 'boy', 'walk', 'dad']",36
"A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, ""Why don't we cut its feet off?"" To which the other replies, ""That would defeat the porpoise!""",4m9psx,53,Marine Biologists,"['team', 'marine', 'biologist', 'accidentally', 'catch', 'porpoise', 'one', 'net', 'let', 'go', 'notice', 'foot', 'study', 'perform', 'test', 'ready', 'release', 'one', 'biologist', 'asks', 'cut', 'foot', 'reply', 'would', 'defeat', 'porpoise']","['marine', 'biologist']","['team', 'marine', 'biologist', 'accidentally', 'catch', 'porpoise', 'one', 'net', 'let', 'go', 'notice', 'foot', 'study', 'perform', 'test', 'ready', 'release', 'one', 'biologist', 'asks', 'cut', 'foot', 'reply', 'would', 'defeat', 'porpoise', 'marine', 'biologist']",28
"So... this young guy is walking through a park, when he comes across an old guy sitting on a park bench, crying. The young guy says ""Sir, sir, I see you're crying, what's wrong?""

The old guy says ""I was sitting here a week ago when this young, beautiful woman came up to me, we started talking and we really liked each other."" The young guy says ""That's terrific, that's fantastic, what's wrong?"" 

The old guy says ""We started kissing and we couldn't keep our hands off each other."" The young guy says ""That's terrific, that's fantastic, what's wrong?"" The old guy says ""She came back to my place, moved in with me, and now all she wants to do is make love to me 24 hours a day.""

The young guy says ""That's terrific, that's fantastic, what's wrong?"" The old guy says ""I can't remember where I live.""",3zzmww,53,"So... this young guy is walking through a park,","['young', 'guy', 'walking', 'park', 'come', 'across', 'old', 'guy', 'sitting', 'park', 'bench', 'cry', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'sir', 'sir', 'see', 'cry', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'sitting', 'week', 'ago', 'young', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'came', 'started', 'talking', 'really', 'liked', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'terrific', 'fantastic', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'started', 'kissing', 'could', 'keep', 'hand', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'terrific', 'fantastic', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'came', 'back', 'place', 'moved', 'want', 'make', 'love', 'hour', 'day', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'terrific', 'fantastic', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'ca', 'remember', 'live']","['young', 'guy', 'walking', 'park']","['young', 'guy', 'walking', 'park', 'come', 'across', 'old', 'guy', 'sitting', 'park', 'bench', 'cry', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'sir', 'sir', 'see', 'cry', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'sitting', 'week', 'ago', 'young', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'came', 'started', 'talking', 'really', 'liked', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'terrific', 'fantastic', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'started', 'kissing', 'could', 'keep', 'hand', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'terrific', 'fantastic', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'came', 'back', 'place', 'moved', 'want', 'make', 'love', 'hour', 'day', 'young', 'guy', 'say', 'terrific', 'fantastic', 'wrong', 'old', 'guy', 'say', 'ca', 'remember', 'live', 'young', 'guy', 'walking', 'park']",82
"...""Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!""

The new nurse asked another nurse, ""Why is he doing that?""

The other nurse replied, ""Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here.""",274sco,53,A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling...,"['typhoid', 'tetanus', 'measles', 'new', 'nurse', 'asked', 'another', 'nurse', 'nurse', 'replied', 'oh', 'like', 'call', 'shot', 'around']","['new', 'nurse', 'listened', 'bryce', 'yelling']","['typhoid', 'tetanus', 'measles', 'new', 'nurse', 'asked', 'another', 'nurse', 'nurse', 'replied', 'oh', 'like', 'call', 'shot', 'around', 'new', 'nurse', 'listened', 'bryce', 'yelling']",20
That's why certain people appear bright until you hear them speak.,3coo5v,53,We all know that light travels faster than sound.,"['certain', 'people', 'appear', 'bright', 'hear', 'speak']","['know', 'light', 'travel', 'faster', 'sound']","['certain', 'people', 'appear', 'bright', 'hear', 'speak', 'know', 'light', 'travel', 'faster', 'sound']",11
Jimmy Kim-il,24tzbq,53,Who hosts the Late Night Show in North Korea?,['jimmy'],"['host', 'late', 'night', 'show', 'north', 'korea']","['jimmy', 'host', 'late', 'night', 'show', 'north', 'korea']",7
"The executioner ask the first one, ""Any last words?""

""Tornado!"" He exclaims, pointing behind the executioner, who turns around in terror. While the executioner is distracted, he runs away.

So the executioner moves on the the next guy. ""Any last words?""

""Tsunami!"" He yelled, pointing towards the nearby seashore. Again, the executioner turns around and the second guy gets away.

Frustrated, the executioner goes the the last guy. ""Any last words?""

""Fire!""

So the executioner shoots him in the face.",4ihct8,53,Three guys are lined up to be executed by handgun.,"['executioner', 'ask', 'first', 'one', 'last', 'word', 'tornado', 'exclaims', 'pointing', 'behind', 'executioner', 'turn', 'around', 'terror', 'executioner', 'distracted', 'run', 'away', 'executioner', 'move', 'next', 'guy', 'last', 'word', 'tsunami', 'yelled', 'pointing', 'towards', 'nearby', 'seashore', 'executioner', 'turn', 'around', 'second', 'guy', 'get', 'away', 'frustrated', 'executioner', 'go', 'last', 'guy', 'last', 'word', 'fire', 'executioner', 'shoot', 'face']","['three', 'guy', 'lined', 'executed', 'handgun']","['executioner', 'ask', 'first', 'one', 'last', 'word', 'tornado', 'exclaims', 'pointing', 'behind', 'executioner', 'turn', 'around', 'terror', 'executioner', 'distracted', 'run', 'away', 'executioner', 'move', 'next', 'guy', 'last', 'word', 'tsunami', 'yelled', 'pointing', 'towards', 'nearby', 'seashore', 'executioner', 'turn', 'around', 'second', 'guy', 'get', 'away', 'frustrated', 'executioner', 'go', 'last', 'guy', 'last', 'word', 'fire', 'executioner', 'shoot', 'face', 'three', 'guy', 'lined', 'executed', 'handgun']",53
"An old married couple were in bed one night, about to go to sleep. All of a sudden the old man passes gas, loudly. The wife, annoyed, says ""what on earth was that?!""

The old man thinks for a second, then says ""Fart Football. 7-nothing!"" The wife grumbles and they both go back to falling asleep. 

A short time later, the wife lets out a loud fart, followed but a tiny ""poof"" right after. The husband is amused, ""well what was that?!"" 

""Touchdown with a two-point conversion! 7-8!""

Then, just a few minutes later, the wife lets another yet another small ""poof"". The old man asked ""now what was THAT?!"" 

""Field goal!""

The old man, not to be bested at his own game, tries to work out the loudest, most offensive fart he can muster. He's pushing, and pushing... When all of a sudden... He shits his pants.

The wife bolted straight up in bed. ""WHAT WAS THAT?!?""

The old man replied, ""Half time! Switch sides!""",1jei7y,53,An old married couple were laying in bed one night...,"['old', 'married', 'couple', 'bed', 'one', 'night', 'go', 'sleep', 'sudden', 'old', 'man', 'pass', 'gas', 'loudly', 'wife', 'annoyed', 'say', 'earth', 'old', 'man', 'think', 'second', 'say', 'fart', 'football', 'wife', 'grumble', 'go', 'back', 'falling', 'asleep', 'short', 'time', 'later', 'wife', 'let', 'loud', 'fart', 'followed', 'tiny', 'poof', 'right', 'husband', 'amused', 'well', 'touchdown', 'conversion', 'minute', 'later', 'wife', 'let', 'another', 'yet', 'another', 'small', 'poof', 'old', 'man', 'asked', 'field', 'goal', 'old', 'man', 'bested', 'game', 'try', 'work', 'loudest', 'offensive', 'fart', 'muster', 'pushing', 'pushing', 'sudden', 'shit', 'pant', 'wife', 'bolted', 'straight', 'bed', 'old', 'man', 'replied', 'half', 'time', 'switch', 'side']","['old', 'married', 'couple', 'laying', 'bed', 'one', 'night']","['old', 'married', 'couple', 'bed', 'one', 'night', 'go', 'sleep', 'sudden', 'old', 'man', 'pass', 'gas', 'loudly', 'wife', 'annoyed', 'say', 'earth', 'old', 'man', 'think', 'second', 'say', 'fart', 'football', 'wife', 'grumble', 'go', 'back', 'falling', 'asleep', 'short', 'time', 'later', 'wife', 'let', 'loud', 'fart', 'followed', 'tiny', 'poof', 'right', 'husband', 'amused', 'well', 'touchdown', 'conversion', 'minute', 'later', 'wife', 'let', 'another', 'yet', 'another', 'small', 'poof', 'old', 'man', 'asked', 'field', 'goal', 'old', 'man', 'bested', 'game', 'try', 'work', 'loudest', 'offensive', 'fart', 'muster', 'pushing', 'pushing', 'sudden', 'shit', 'pant', 'wife', 'bolted', 'straight', 'bed', 'old', 'man', 'replied', 'half', 'time', 'switch', 'side', 'old', 'married', 'couple', 'laying', 'bed', 'one', 'night']",94
I only have Ash now.,2o0nvo,53,I lost all my Pokemon cards in a house fire,['ash'],"['lost', 'pokemon', 'card', 'house', 'fire']","['ash', 'lost', 'pokemon', 'card', 'house', 'fire']",6
"Three French gentleman are discussing the true definition of ""savoir faire""

""Mes amis, let me tell you the meaning of 'savoir faire': a husband comes home early, walks into the bedroom and discovers his wife in bed with another man - Pierre - in the middle of ze act. He does not react, but with great dignity walks out of the room and closes the door. THAT, mes amis, is 'savoir faire'!""

""Non non non!"" says the second, ""that is NOT 'savoir faire'! It is when the husband comes home, discovers his wife in bed with this Pierre. He first says with great politeness and perhaps a small bow, *'please, continue'*. Only THEN he walks out with dignity and closes the door. THIS is 'savoir faire'""

The third friend replies, ""Mes amis you do not understand these things. It is when Pierre is in bed with his mistress, making love. Her husband comes home early and walks in ze door. The husband bows politely then walks out with great dignity and closes ze door, saying *'please, continue'*....

and Pierre *can*.",28dtav,53,"The true definition of ""savoir faire""","['three', 'french', 'gentleman', 'discussing', 'true', 'definition', 'savoir', 'faire', 'me', 'amis', 'let', 'tell', 'meaning', 'faire', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'early', 'walk', 'bedroom', 'discovers', 'wife', 'bed', 'another', 'man', 'pierre', 'middle', 'ze', 'act', 'react', 'great', 'dignity', 'walk', 'room', 'close', 'door', 'me', 'amis', 'faire', 'non', 'non', 'non', 'say', 'second', 'faire', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'discovers', 'wife', 'bed', 'pierre', 'first', 'say', 'great', 'politeness', 'perhaps', 'small', 'bow', 'continue', 'walk', 'dignity', 'close', 'door', 'faire', 'third', 'friend', 'reply', 'me', 'amis', 'understand', 'thing', 'pierre', 'bed', 'mistress', 'making', 'love', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'early', 'walk', 'ze', 'door', 'husband', 'bow', 'politely', 'walk', 'great', 'dignity', 'close', 'ze', 'door', 'saying', 'continue', 'pierre']","['true', 'definition', 'savoir', 'faire']","['three', 'french', 'gentleman', 'discussing', 'true', 'definition', 'savoir', 'faire', 'me', 'amis', 'let', 'tell', 'meaning', 'faire', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'early', 'walk', 'bedroom', 'discovers', 'wife', 'bed', 'another', 'man', 'pierre', 'middle', 'ze', 'act', 'react', 'great', 'dignity', 'walk', 'room', 'close', 'door', 'me', 'amis', 'faire', 'non', 'non', 'non', 'say', 'second', 'faire', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'discovers', 'wife', 'bed', 'pierre', 'first', 'say', 'great', 'politeness', 'perhaps', 'small', 'bow', 'continue', 'walk', 'dignity', 'close', 'door', 'faire', 'third', 'friend', 'reply', 'me', 'amis', 'understand', 'thing', 'pierre', 'bed', 'mistress', 'making', 'love', 'husband', 'come', 'home', 'early', 'walk', 'ze', 'door', 'husband', 'bow', 'politely', 'walk', 'great', 'dignity', 'close', 'ze', 'door', 'saying', 'continue', 'pierre', 'true', 'definition', 'savoir', 'faire']",100
"An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. ""There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear."" Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. ""Now you must do the same,"" he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. ""Second,"" the professor continued, ""you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?",34hrex,53,Autopsy,"['autopsy', 'professor', 'giving', 'introductory', 'lecture', 'class', 'student', 'standing', 'corpse', 'addressed', 'class', 'two', 'thing', 'need', 'make', 'career', 'medical', 'forensics', 'first', 'must', 'fear', 'said', 'shoved', 'finger', 'corpse', 'anus', 'licked', 'must', 'told', 'class', 'couple', 'minute', 'uneasy', 'silence', 'class', 'instructed', 'second', 'professor', 'continued', 'must', 'acute', 'sense', 'observation', 'instance', 'many', 'noticed', 'put', 'middle', 'finger', 'man', 'anus', 'licked', 'index', 'finger']",['autopsy'],"['autopsy', 'professor', 'giving', 'introductory', 'lecture', 'class', 'student', 'standing', 'corpse', 'addressed', 'class', 'two', 'thing', 'need', 'make', 'career', 'medical', 'forensics', 'first', 'must', 'fear', 'said', 'shoved', 'finger', 'corpse', 'anus', 'licked', 'must', 'told', 'class', 'couple', 'minute', 'uneasy', 'silence', 'class', 'instructed', 'second', 'professor', 'continued', 'must', 'acute', 'sense', 'observation', 'instance', 'many', 'noticed', 'put', 'middle', 'finger', 'man', 'anus', 'licked', 'index', 'finger', 'autopsy']",55
"The phone rang 'green green' and so I pink up the phone.  
""Yellow? Blue is this? Can you speak louder? I can't hear you purplerly, I'll call you black later.""",3t9o69,53,Punny wednesday,"['phone', 'rang', 'green', 'pink', 'phone', 'yellow', 'blue', 'speak', 'louder', 'ca', 'hear', 'purplerly', 'call', 'black', 'later']","['punny', 'wednesday']","['phone', 'rang', 'green', 'pink', 'phone', 'yellow', 'blue', 'speak', 'louder', 'ca', 'hear', 'purplerly', 'call', 'black', 'later', 'punny', 'wednesday']",17
"All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to
determine whether admission will be granted.
One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each
applicant did on his or her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good
one.
""I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she
had just gotten out of the shower.
Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry
too.
I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.
I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB
clinging to the rail by his finger tips.
I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let
go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.
On seeing he was still alive, I found super human strength to drag our
antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I
suffered a massive heart attack and died.""
The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
""I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I
stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.
I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some
idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower
pot. I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I
saw a huge chest falling toward me.
I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the
chest.""
The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.
He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He
apologizes and says ""I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just
before you.""
""I don't know"" replies the man, ""picture this, I'm buck naked hiding' in this cedar chest.....""",1j0bvq,53,Being Bureaucratically Examined After Death,"['arrival', 'heaven', 'go', 'bureaucratic', 'examination', 'determine', 'whether', 'admission', 'granted', 'one', 'room', 'clerk', 'input', 'computerized', 'record', 'applicant', 'last', 'day', 'life', 'first', 'applicant', 'day', 'explains', 'last', 'day', 'good', 'one', 'came', 'home', 'early', 'found', 'wife', 'lying', 'naked', 'bed', 'claimed', 'gotten', 'shower', 'well', 'hair', 'dry', 'checked', 'shower', 'completely', 'dry', 'knew', 'began', 'look', 'lover', 'went', 'onto', 'balcony', 'floor', 'apartment', 'found', 'sob', 'clinging', 'rail', 'finger', 'tip', 'angry', 'began', 'bashing', 'finger', 'flower', 'pot', 'let', 'go', 'fell', 'fall', 'broken', 'awning', 'bush', 'seeing', 'still', 'alive', 'found', 'super', 'human', 'strength', 'drag', 'antique', 'cedar', 'chest', 'balcony', 'throw', 'hit', 'man', 'killed', 'point', 'stress', 'got', 'suffered', 'massive', 'heart', 'attack', 'died', 'clerk', 'thanked', 'sent', 'next', 'office', 'second', 'applicant', 'said', 'last', 'day', 'worst', 'roof', 'apartment', 'building', 'working', 'ac', 'equipment', 'stumbled', 'tool', 'toppled', 'building', 'managed', 'grab', 'onto', 'balcony', 'rail', 'floor', 'apartment', 'idiot', 'came', 'rushing', 'balcony', 'bashed', 'hand', 'flower', 'pot', 'fell', 'hit', 'awning', 'bush', 'survived', 'looked', 'saw', 'huge', 'chest', 'falling', 'toward', 'tried', 'crawl', 'way', 'failed', 'hit', 'killed', 'chest', 'clerk', 'could', 'help', 'chuckle', 'directs', 'man', 'next', 'room', 'still', 'giggling', 'third', 'customer', 'day', 'enters', 'apologizes', 'say', 'doubt', 'last', 'day', 'interesting', 'fellow', 'know', 'reply', 'man', 'picture', 'buck', 'naked', 'hiding', 'cedar', 'chest']","['bureaucratically', 'examined', 'death']","['arrival', 'heaven', 'go', 'bureaucratic', 'examination', 'determine', 'whether', 'admission', 'granted', 'one', 'room', 'clerk', 'input', 'computerized', 'record', 'applicant', 'last', 'day', 'life', 'first', 'applicant', 'day', 'explains', 'last', 'day', 'good', 'one', 'came', 'home', 'early', 'found', 'wife', 'lying', 'naked', 'bed', 'claimed', 'gotten', 'shower', 'well', 'hair', 'dry', 'checked', 'shower', 'completely', 'dry', 'knew', 'began', 'look', 'lover', 'went', 'onto', 'balcony', 'floor', 'apartment', 'found', 'sob', 'clinging', 'rail', 'finger', 'tip', 'angry', 'began', 'bashing', 'finger', 'flower', 'pot', 'let', 'go', 'fell', 'fall', 'broken', 'awning', 'bush', 'seeing', 'still', 'alive', 'found', 'super', 'human', 'strength', 'drag', 'antique', 'cedar', 'chest', 'balcony', 'throw', 'hit', 'man', 'killed', 'point', 'stress', 'got', 'suffered', 'massive', 'heart', 'attack', 'died', 'clerk', 'thanked', 'sent', 'next', 'office', 'second', 'applicant', 'said', 'last', 'day', 'worst', 'roof', 'apartment', 'building', 'working', 'ac', 'equipment', 'stumbled', 'tool', 'toppled', 'building', 'managed', 'grab', 'onto', 'balcony', 'rail', 'floor', 'apartment', 'idiot', 'came', 'rushing', 'balcony', 'bashed', 'hand', 'flower', 'pot', 'fell', 'hit', 'awning', 'bush', 'survived', 'looked', 'saw', 'huge', 'chest', 'falling', 'toward', 'tried', 'crawl', 'way', 'failed', 'hit', 'killed', 'chest', 'clerk', 'could', 'help', 'chuckle', 'directs', 'man', 'next', 'room', 'still', 'giggling', 'third', 'customer', 'day', 'enters', 'apologizes', 'say', 'doubt', 'last', 'day', 'interesting', 'fellow', 'know', 'reply', 'man', 'picture', 'buck', 'naked', 'hiding', 'cedar', 'chest', 'bureaucratically', 'examined', 'death']",184
"An Amish drive-by shooting.
",424u4g,53,"What goes, ""Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop..."" ?","['amish', 'shooting']","['go', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'bang', 'bang', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop']","['amish', 'shooting', 'go', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'bang', 'bang', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop', 'clip', 'clop']",19
"He says ""give me a drink before the trouble starts""

Bartender gives him a drink, he drinks it and says ""give me another drink before the trouble starts""

He downs that one and says ""give me another drink before the trouble starts""

Another one down and again ""give me another drink before the trouble starts""

Bartender asks ""when's this trouble going to start?""

The man says ""as soon as you realize I don't have any money"" ",37s1df,53,A man goes into a bar,"['say', 'give', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'bartender', 'give', 'drink', 'drink', 'say', 'give', 'another', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'down', 'one', 'say', 'give', 'another', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'another', 'one', 'give', 'another', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'bartender', 'asks', 'trouble', 'going', 'start', 'man', 'say', 'soon', 'realize', 'money']","['man', 'go', 'bar']","['say', 'give', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'bartender', 'give', 'drink', 'drink', 'say', 'give', 'another', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'down', 'one', 'say', 'give', 'another', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'another', 'one', 'give', 'another', 'drink', 'trouble', 'start', 'bartender', 'asks', 'trouble', 'going', 'start', 'man', 'say', 'soon', 'realize', 'money', 'man', 'go', 'bar']",43
At the BAAAAH,38egkp,53,Where can you find alcoholic sheep?,['baaaah'],"['find', 'alcoholic', 'sheep']","['baaaah', 'find', 'alcoholic', 'sheep']",4
"""Pincus,"" Yacov said, ""the last time we came to you for new suits, we told you we wanted black suits. The suits you made were not black. They were sort of dark grey maybe, but not black, We need new suits, and this time we want black suits, from the darkest cloth there is.""

Pincus reached behind for a bolt of cloth and he said, ""See this cloth? It is from this fabric that I make the habits for nuns. In all the world,"" Pincus said, fingering the bolt of fabric, ""there is no blacker cloth than the cloth I make nun's habits from, and it is from this cloth that I'll make your new suits!""

A few weeks later the two Hasidic Jews were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed two nuns. Impulsively, on a whim, one of the men went up to one of the nuns. He grabbed her sleeve and held it up against his own.

Then, in an angry voice, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked on.

""What did that man want?"" one nun asked the other.

""I don't know,"" she replied. ""he looked at my garment, said something in Latin, and left.""

""In Latin?"" asked the first nun. ""What did he say?""

He said, ""Marcus, Pincus fuctus.""",334cb3,53,"Marcus and Yacov, two Hasidic Jews, went to Pincus the tailor for new suits.","['pincus', 'yacov', 'said', 'last', 'time', 'came', 'new', 'suit', 'told', 'wanted', 'black', 'suit', 'suit', 'made', 'black', 'sort', 'dark', 'grey', 'maybe', 'black', 'need', 'new', 'suit', 'time', 'want', 'black', 'suit', 'darkest', 'cloth', 'pincus', 'reached', 'behind', 'bolt', 'cloth', 'said', 'see', 'cloth', 'fabric', 'make', 'habit', 'nun', 'world', 'pincus', 'said', 'fingering', 'bolt', 'fabric', 'blacker', 'cloth', 'cloth', 'make', 'nun', 'habit', 'cloth', 'make', 'new', 'suit', 'week', 'later', 'two', 'hasidic', 'jew', 'walking', 'street', 'new', 'suit', 'passed', 'two', 'nun', 'impulsively', 'whim', 'one', 'men', 'went', 'one', 'nun', 'grabbed', 'sleeve', 'held', 'angry', 'voice', 'muttered', 'something', 'friend', 'walked', 'man', 'want', 'one', 'nun', 'asked', 'know', 'replied', 'looked', 'garment', 'said', 'something', 'latin', 'left', 'latin', 'asked', 'first', 'nun', 'say', 'said', 'marcus', 'pincus', 'fuctus']","['marcus', 'yacov', 'two', 'hasidic', 'jew', 'went', 'pincus', 'tailor', 'new', 'suit']","['pincus', 'yacov', 'said', 'last', 'time', 'came', 'new', 'suit', 'told', 'wanted', 'black', 'suit', 'suit', 'made', 'black', 'sort', 'dark', 'grey', 'maybe', 'black', 'need', 'new', 'suit', 'time', 'want', 'black', 'suit', 'darkest', 'cloth', 'pincus', 'reached', 'behind', 'bolt', 'cloth', 'said', 'see', 'cloth', 'fabric', 'make', 'habit', 'nun', 'world', 'pincus', 'said', 'fingering', 'bolt', 'fabric', 'blacker', 'cloth', 'cloth', 'make', 'nun', 'habit', 'cloth', 'make', 'new', 'suit', 'week', 'later', 'two', 'hasidic', 'jew', 'walking', 'street', 'new', 'suit', 'passed', 'two', 'nun', 'impulsively', 'whim', 'one', 'men', 'went', 'one', 'nun', 'grabbed', 'sleeve', 'held', 'angry', 'voice', 'muttered', 'something', 'friend', 'walked', 'man', 'want', 'one', 'nun', 'asked', 'know', 'replied', 'looked', 'garment', 'said', 'something', 'latin', 'left', 'latin', 'asked', 'first', 'nun', 'say', 'said', 'marcus', 'pincus', 'fuctus', 'marcus', 'yacov', 'two', 'hasidic', 'jew', 'went', 'pincus', 'tailor', 'new', 'suit']",117
Usain Bolt can finish a race,3hvwy1,53,What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?,"['usain', 'bolt', 'finish', 'race']","['difference', 'usain', 'bolt', 'hitler']","['usain', 'bolt', 'finish', 'race', 'difference', 'usain', 'bolt', 'hitler']",8
"goes home looking a little down at the mouth.  His father asks, ""Anything wrong, son?""  Little Johnny says, ""A boy at school called me gay"".  His father says, ""Then I want you to go and beat him up"".  And Little Johnny says, ""But Dad, he's so cute!""",1pskuf,53,Little Johnny,"['go', 'home', 'looking', 'little', 'mouth', 'father', 'asks', 'anything', 'wrong', 'son', 'little', 'johnny', 'say', 'boy', 'school', 'called', 'gay', 'father', 'say', 'want', 'go', 'beat', 'little', 'johnny', 'say', 'dad', 'cute']","['little', 'johnny']","['go', 'home', 'looking', 'little', 'mouth', 'father', 'asks', 'anything', 'wrong', 'son', 'little', 'johnny', 'say', 'boy', 'school', 'called', 'gay', 'father', 'say', 'want', 'go', 'beat', 'little', 'johnny', 'say', 'dad', 'cute', 'little', 'johnny']",29
"Mom - ""You know the neighbor always kisses his wife every morning before work. Why don't you do the same?""

Dad - ""How can I? I barely know her!""",3fg7kd,53,So my dad dropped this on my mom this morning,"['mom', 'know', 'neighbor', 'always', 'kiss', 'wife', 'every', 'morning', 'work', 'dad', 'barely', 'know']","['dad', 'dropped', 'mom', 'morning']","['mom', 'know', 'neighbor', 'always', 'kiss', 'wife', 'every', 'morning', 'work', 'dad', 'barely', 'know', 'dad', 'dropped', 'mom', 'morning']",16
He said he didn't want to hear another corny ass joke out of me.,4dq7n8,53,I tried to tell my son the joke about the donkey eating corn.,"['said', 'want', 'hear', 'another', 'corny', 'as', 'joke']","['tried', 'tell', 'son', 'joke', 'donkey', 'eating', 'corn']","['said', 'want', 'hear', 'another', 'corny', 'as', 'joke', 'tried', 'tell', 'son', 'joke', 'donkey', 'eating', 'corn']",14
"Being a curious man, the white tourist decides to lean over to take a peak at the Jamaican's junk to see if the stereotype lives up to its expectations. Looking over, the tourist notices that the local has the letters ""W Y"" tattooed on his penis. The tourist says to the local ""Hey, is your wife named wendy""

""Nah mon,"" says the local. ""Why do you ask?""

""Oh, because my wife is named Wendy. I have it tattooed on my dick. And when I'm erect, you can see her fullname. But when I'm not, all you can see are the letters W and Y"" says the tourist. 

""That's cool mon"" the local says as he finishes up. 

The tourist, even more curious then previously is baffled by what the W and Y could mean. 

""So if it's not Wendy...then why do you have a W and Y tattooed on your dick"". 

The Jamaican local smiled and looked at the tourist ""Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, we hope you enjoy your stay"" ",1xptaw,53,A white tourist stands beside a Jamaican local at a urinal...,"['curious', 'man', 'white', 'tourist', 'decides', 'lean', 'take', 'peak', 'jamaican', 'junk', 'see', 'stereotype', 'life', 'expectation', 'looking', 'tourist', 'notice', 'local', 'letter', 'w', 'tattooed', 'penis', 'tourist', 'say', 'local', 'hey', 'wife', 'named', 'wendy', 'nah', 'mon', 'say', 'local', 'ask', 'oh', 'wife', 'named', 'wendy', 'tattooed', 'dick', 'erect', 'see', 'fullname', 'see', 'letter', 'w', 'say', 'tourist', 'cool', 'mon', 'local', 'say', 'finish', 'tourist', 'even', 'curious', 'previously', 'baffled', 'w', 'could', 'mean', 'wendy', 'w', 'tattooed', 'dick', 'jamaican', 'local', 'smiled', 'looked', 'tourist', 'mine', 'say', 'jamaica', 'hope', 'enjoy', 'stay']","['white', 'tourist', 'stand', 'beside', 'jamaican', 'local', 'urinal']","['curious', 'man', 'white', 'tourist', 'decides', 'lean', 'take', 'peak', 'jamaican', 'junk', 'see', 'stereotype', 'life', 'expectation', 'looking', 'tourist', 'notice', 'local', 'letter', 'w', 'tattooed', 'penis', 'tourist', 'say', 'local', 'hey', 'wife', 'named', 'wendy', 'nah', 'mon', 'say', 'local', 'ask', 'oh', 'wife', 'named', 'wendy', 'tattooed', 'dick', 'erect', 'see', 'fullname', 'see', 'letter', 'w', 'say', 'tourist', 'cool', 'mon', 'local', 'say', 'finish', 'tourist', 'even', 'curious', 'previously', 'baffled', 'w', 'could', 'mean', 'wendy', 'w', 'tattooed', 'dick', 'jamaican', 'local', 'smiled', 'looked', 'tourist', 'mine', 'say', 'jamaica', 'hope', 'enjoy', 'stay', 'white', 'tourist', 'stand', 'beside', 'jamaican', 'local', 'urinal']",83
"""My condolences. I can't imagine how terrible it must've been to lose a wife.""

""That's okay, I'm used to it. This is the fourth time I got married and my wife died. My first wife died after eating a venomous mushroom.""

""How about your second wife?""

""She ate a venomous mushroom.""

""And your third wife?""

""Also a venomous mushroom.""

""I bet your fourth wife also died after eating a venomous mushroom.""

""Nah, she was shot in the head.""

""Why?""

""Because the bitch refused to eat the fucking mushroom.""",51gzvh,53,A man is at his wife's funeral,"['condolence', 'ca', 'imagine', 'terrible', 'must', 'lose', 'wife', 'okay', 'used', 'fourth', 'time', 'got', 'married', 'wife', 'died', 'first', 'wife', 'died', 'eating', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'second', 'wife', 'ate', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'third', 'wife', 'also', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'bet', 'fourth', 'wife', 'also', 'died', 'eating', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'nah', 'shot', 'head', 'bitch', 'refused', 'eat', 'fucking', 'mushroom']","['man', 'wife', 'funeral']","['condolence', 'ca', 'imagine', 'terrible', 'must', 'lose', 'wife', 'okay', 'used', 'fourth', 'time', 'got', 'married', 'wife', 'died', 'first', 'wife', 'died', 'eating', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'second', 'wife', 'ate', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'third', 'wife', 'also', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'bet', 'fourth', 'wife', 'also', 'died', 'eating', 'venomous', 'mushroom', 'nah', 'shot', 'head', 'bitch', 'refused', 'eat', 'fucking', 'mushroom', 'man', 'wife', 'funeral']",50
"Her husband asked how it went. She replied, ""Well, OK, but I got stung by a bee."" He responded, ""Where did it sting you?"" She said, ""Between the first and second hole,"" whereupon he exclaimed, ""I told you your stance was too wide!"" ",1ee80m,53,A woman returned home from a round of golf.,"['husband', 'asked', 'went', 'replied', 'well', 'ok', 'got', 'stung', 'bee', 'responded', 'sting', 'said', 'first', 'second', 'hole', 'whereupon', 'exclaimed', 'told', 'stance', 'wide']","['woman', 'returned', 'home', 'round', 'golf']","['husband', 'asked', 'went', 'replied', 'well', 'ok', 'got', 'stung', 'bee', 'responded', 'sting', 'said', 'first', 'second', 'hole', 'whereupon', 'exclaimed', 'told', 'stance', 'wide', 'woman', 'returned', 'home', 'round', 'golf']",25
"A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?"" they asked, as they moved off. ""Because"", he said, ""I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.""",251tjv,53,Chess enthusiasts meet in their hotel after a tournament...,"['group', 'chess', 'enthusiast', 'checked', 'hotel', 'standing', 'lobby', 'discussing', 'recent', 'tournament', 'victory', 'hour', 'manager', 'came', 'office', 'asked', 'disperse', 'asked', 'moved', 'said', 'ca', 'stand', 'chess', 'nut', 'boasting', 'open', 'foyer']","['chess', 'enthusiast', 'meet', 'hotel', 'tournament']","['group', 'chess', 'enthusiast', 'checked', 'hotel', 'standing', 'lobby', 'discussing', 'recent', 'tournament', 'victory', 'hour', 'manager', 'came', 'office', 'asked', 'disperse', 'asked', 'moved', 'said', 'ca', 'stand', 'chess', 'nut', 'boasting', 'open', 'foyer', 'chess', 'enthusiast', 'meet', 'hotel', 'tournament']",32
"Q: What happens to a lawyer when you give them viagra?

A: They grow taller.



Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A: Once you die a vampire stops sucking your blood.



Q: Why do lawyers wear ties?

A: To stop their foreskin creeping up under their necks.


Q: whats the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A: A bad lawyer can drag a case out for years, a good lawyer can make it even longer.



Q: why are lawyers like sperm?

A: 1 in every 80 million turns into a human being



And lastly..


A catholic priest and a lawyer walk past a playground where some kids are playing. The priest says ""hey, lets screw those kids"". The lawyer replies ""out of what?""",3bpw17,53,lawyers....,"['q', 'happens', 'lawyer', 'give', 'viagra', 'grow', 'taller', 'q', 'whats', 'difference', 'lawyer', 'vampire', 'die', 'vampire', 'stop', 'sucking', 'blood', 'q', 'lawyer', 'wear', 'tie', 'stop', 'foreskin', 'creeping', 'neck', 'q', 'whats', 'difference', 'good', 'lawyer', 'bad', 'lawyer', 'bad', 'lawyer', 'drag', 'case', 'year', 'good', 'lawyer', 'make', 'even', 'longer', 'q', 'lawyer', 'like', 'sperm', 'every', 'million', 'turn', 'human', 'lastly', 'catholic', 'priest', 'lawyer', 'walk', 'past', 'playground', 'kid', 'playing', 'priest', 'say', 'hey', 'let', 'screw', 'kid', 'lawyer', 'reply']",['lawyer'],"['q', 'happens', 'lawyer', 'give', 'viagra', 'grow', 'taller', 'q', 'whats', 'difference', 'lawyer', 'vampire', 'die', 'vampire', 'stop', 'sucking', 'blood', 'q', 'lawyer', 'wear', 'tie', 'stop', 'foreskin', 'creeping', 'neck', 'q', 'whats', 'difference', 'good', 'lawyer', 'bad', 'lawyer', 'bad', 'lawyer', 'drag', 'case', 'year', 'good', 'lawyer', 'make', 'even', 'longer', 'q', 'lawyer', 'like', 'sperm', 'every', 'million', 'turn', 'human', 'lastly', 'catholic', 'priest', 'lawyer', 'walk', 'past', 'playground', 'kid', 'playing', 'priest', 'say', 'hey', 'let', 'screw', 'kid', 'lawyer', 'reply', 'lawyer']",68
"If you have to force it, it's probably shit.",1pxmzh,53,Love is like a fart...,"['force', 'probably', 'shit']","['love', 'like', 'fart']","['force', 'probably', 'shit', 'love', 'like', 'fart']",6
"I don't mind a 5k, but my running group wants to a 10k. I don't like them.",1wf91e,53,Is it wrong to hate a certain race?,"['mind', 'running', 'group', 'want', 'like']","['wrong', 'hate', 'certain', 'race']","['mind', 'running', 'group', 'want', 'like', 'wrong', 'hate', 'certain', 'race']",9
...And why does he love drawing pictures of naked men?,2zvmk5,53,"So who is this ""Rorschach"" guy...","['love', 'drawing', 'picture', 'naked', 'men']","['rorschach', 'guy']","['love', 'drawing', 'picture', 'naked', 'men', 'rorschach', 'guy']",7
"he goes straight to the barkeeper, sits down and asks him to tell him the names of the other cowboys in town as they enter the saloon in order to get to know them.

The doors opens, a cowboy enters with like carrying like 5 pistols. The barkeeper tells him: ""That's Pistolbill!"". 
Interested in getting to know other cowboys as well, he waits for another cowboy to enter the saloon. 

A few seconds later another cowboy arrives, this time carrying a lot of different knives. The barkeepers explains him that he's called Knivesobill. 

Finally, as he begins to understand the system of their nicknames, a third cowboy with 2 heads and 4 arms enters the room. Frightened by this cowboy, he asks the barkeeper: ""What the fuck, and what's his name???""  The barkeeper:""Well, that's Chernobyl""",1eg1pw,53,A cowboy is new in town and enters a saloon...,"['go', 'straight', 'barkeeper', 'sits', 'asks', 'tell', 'name', 'cowboy', 'town', 'enter', 'saloon', 'order', 'get', 'know', 'door', 'open', 'cowboy', 'enters', 'like', 'carrying', 'like', 'pistol', 'barkeeper', 'tell', 'pistolbill', 'interested', 'getting', 'know', 'cowboy', 'well', 'wait', 'another', 'cowboy', 'enter', 'saloon', 'second', 'later', 'another', 'cowboy', 'arrives', 'time', 'carrying', 'lot', 'different', 'knife', 'barkeeper', 'explains', 'called', 'knivesobill', 'finally', 'begin', 'understand', 'system', 'nickname', 'third', 'cowboy', 'head', 'arm', 'enters', 'room', 'frightened', 'cowboy', 'asks', 'barkeeper', 'fuck', 'name', 'barkeeper', 'well', 'chernobyl']","['cowboy', 'new', 'town', 'enters', 'saloon']","['go', 'straight', 'barkeeper', 'sits', 'asks', 'tell', 'name', 'cowboy', 'town', 'enter', 'saloon', 'order', 'get', 'know', 'door', 'open', 'cowboy', 'enters', 'like', 'carrying', 'like', 'pistol', 'barkeeper', 'tell', 'pistolbill', 'interested', 'getting', 'know', 'cowboy', 'well', 'wait', 'another', 'cowboy', 'enter', 'saloon', 'second', 'later', 'another', 'cowboy', 'arrives', 'time', 'carrying', 'lot', 'different', 'knife', 'barkeeper', 'explains', 'called', 'knivesobill', 'finally', 'begin', 'understand', 'system', 'nickname', 'third', 'cowboy', 'head', 'arm', 'enters', 'room', 'frightened', 'cowboy', 'asks', 'barkeeper', 'fuck', 'name', 'barkeeper', 'well', 'chernobyl', 'cowboy', 'new', 'town', 'enters', 'saloon']",74
50 cent with Nickelback,1dmtkm,53,What concert is worth 45 cents?,"['cent', 'nickelback']","['concert', 'worth', 'cent']","['cent', 'nickelback', 'concert', 'worth', 'cent']",5
A cat in a minefield.,4nhku0,53,"What is the creature that walks on four legs in the morning, three legs at noon and two in the evening?","['cat', 'minefield']","['creature', 'walk', 'four', 'leg', 'morning', 'three', 'leg', 'noon', 'two', 'evening']","['cat', 'minefield', 'creature', 'walk', 'four', 'leg', 'morning', 'three', 'leg', 'noon', 'two', 'evening']",12
"A blonde hears that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she leaves a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman reads the note, he figures there must be a mistake; she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocks on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde comes to the door and the milkman says, ""I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?""

The blonde says, ""No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.""

The milkman says, ""Okay. Do you want it pasteurized?""

And blonde says ""No, just up to my tits.""",2puj82,53,Milk Bath,"['blonde', 'hears', 'milk', 'bath', 'would', 'make', 'beautiful', 'leaf', 'note', 'milkman', 'leave', 'gallon', 'milk', 'milkman', 'read', 'note', 'figure', 'must', 'mistake', 'probably', 'meant', 'gallon', 'knock', 'door', 'clarify', 'point', 'blonde', 'come', 'door', 'milkman', 'say', 'found', 'note', 'leave', 'gallon', 'milk', 'mean', 'gallon', 'blonde', 'say', 'want', 'gallon', 'going', 'fill', 'bathtub', 'milk', 'take', 'milk', 'bath', 'milkman', 'say', 'okay', 'want', 'pasteurized', 'blonde', 'say', 'tit']","['milk', 'bath']","['blonde', 'hears', 'milk', 'bath', 'would', 'make', 'beautiful', 'leaf', 'note', 'milkman', 'leave', 'gallon', 'milk', 'milkman', 'read', 'note', 'figure', 'must', 'mistake', 'probably', 'meant', 'gallon', 'knock', 'door', 'clarify', 'point', 'blonde', 'come', 'door', 'milkman', 'say', 'found', 'note', 'leave', 'gallon', 'milk', 'mean', 'gallon', 'blonde', 'say', 'want', 'gallon', 'going', 'fill', 'bathtub', 'milk', 'take', 'milk', 'bath', 'milkman', 'say', 'okay', 'want', 'pasteurized', 'blonde', 'say', 'tit', 'milk', 'bath']",59
"Nothing, they're both dead stars.",4p4fdj,53,What's the difference between Prince and a White Dwarf?,"['nothing', 'dead', 'star']","['difference', 'prince', 'white', 'dwarf']","['nothing', 'dead', 'star', 'difference', 'prince', 'white', 'dwarf']",7
"Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: No!

Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.

Son: Ok then.

Dad goes to Bill Gates.

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates: No!

Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.

Bill Gates: Ok then.

Dad goes to the president of the World Bank

Dad: Make my son the CEO of your bank.

President: No!

Dad: He is the son in law of Bill Gates.

President: Ok then.",4xkxdq,53,How business works,"['dad', 'want', 'marry', 'girl', 'choice', 'son', 'dad', 'girl', 'bill', 'gate', 'daughter', 'son', 'ok', 'dad', 'go', 'bill', 'gate', 'dad', 'want', 'daughter', 'marry', 'son', 'bill', 'gate', 'dad', 'son', 'ceo', 'world', 'bank', 'bill', 'gate', 'ok', 'dad', 'go', 'president', 'world', 'bank', 'dad', 'make', 'son', 'ceo', 'bank', 'president', 'dad', 'son', 'law', 'bill', 'gate', 'president', 'ok']","['business', 'work']","['dad', 'want', 'marry', 'girl', 'choice', 'son', 'dad', 'girl', 'bill', 'gate', 'daughter', 'son', 'ok', 'dad', 'go', 'bill', 'gate', 'dad', 'want', 'daughter', 'marry', 'son', 'bill', 'gate', 'dad', 'son', 'ceo', 'world', 'bank', 'bill', 'gate', 'ok', 'dad', 'go', 'president', 'world', 'bank', 'dad', 'make', 'son', 'ceo', 'bank', 'president', 'dad', 'son', 'law', 'bill', 'gate', 'president', 'ok', 'business', 'work']",52
With Little Caesars.,3ujvl6,53,How do Mexicans cut their Pizza?,"['little', 'caesar']","['mexican', 'cut', 'pizza']","['little', 'caesar', 'mexican', 'cut', 'pizza']",5
Because he'd urn-ed it.,4c4gy7,53,Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?,[],"['crematorium', 'operator', 'get', 'bonus']","['crematorium', 'operator', 'get', 'bonus']",4
"A watermelon farmer had a thief that would steal a few of his watermelons each year.  Year after year it was the same thing, during harvest season a few of his watermelons would constantly be stolen.  No matter what he tried to do, he was not able to catch the thief.  So one year he finally got tired of it and tried something new, so he put a sign up in his pasture, ""One of these watermelons are poisoned.""  Thinking he finally deterred the thief, he went to bed.

The next morning when he woke up to harvest, there was a new sign under his that read, ""Now two of these watermelon are poisoned"".",2cemrt,53,The Watermelon Farmer,"['watermelon', 'farmer', 'thief', 'would', 'steal', 'watermelon', 'year', 'year', 'year', 'thing', 'harvest', 'season', 'watermelon', 'would', 'constantly', 'stolen', 'matter', 'tried', 'able', 'catch', 'thief', 'one', 'year', 'finally', 'got', 'tired', 'tried', 'something', 'new', 'put', 'sign', 'pasture', 'one', 'watermelon', 'poisoned', 'thinking', 'finally', 'deterred', 'thief', 'went', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'woke', 'harvest', 'new', 'sign', 'read', 'two', 'watermelon', 'poisoned']","['watermelon', 'farmer']","['watermelon', 'farmer', 'thief', 'would', 'steal', 'watermelon', 'year', 'year', 'year', 'thing', 'harvest', 'season', 'watermelon', 'would', 'constantly', 'stolen', 'matter', 'tried', 'able', 'catch', 'thief', 'one', 'year', 'finally', 'got', 'tired', 'tried', 'something', 'new', 'put', 'sign', 'pasture', 'one', 'watermelon', 'poisoned', 'thinking', 'finally', 'deterred', 'thief', 'went', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'woke', 'harvest', 'new', 'sign', 'read', 'two', 'watermelon', 'poisoned', 'watermelon', 'farmer']",53
Eclipse it!,4tncbq,53,How does the man on the moon cut his hair?,['eclipse'],"['man', 'moon', 'cut', 'hair']","['eclipse', 'man', 'moon', 'cut', 'hair']",5
"We were both looking at our phones, then suddenly the airport wifi went down. I frustratingly said, ""my phone only works on wifi!"" He said, ""don't worry! My phone has tethering!"" Relived, I thanked him for his service. ",35f4ah,53,I sat next to a guy from the military at the airport...,"['looking', 'phone', 'suddenly', 'airport', 'wifi', 'went', 'frustratingly', 'said', 'phone', 'work', 'wifi', 'said', 'worry', 'phone', 'tethering', 'relived', 'thanked', 'service']","['sat', 'next', 'guy', 'military', 'airport']","['looking', 'phone', 'suddenly', 'airport', 'wifi', 'went', 'frustratingly', 'said', 'phone', 'work', 'wifi', 'said', 'worry', 'phone', 'tethering', 'relived', 'thanked', 'service', 'sat', 'next', 'guy', 'military', 'airport']",23
Dam.,3xiom7,53,What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?,['dam'],"['fish', 'say', 'ran', 'wall']","['dam', 'fish', 'say', 'ran', 'wall']",5
"Old as dirt but still funny.

A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses. 

""Feathers show number of sexual partners,"" the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, 
He continued, ""Him? One woman, one feather. Him ?"" pointing to a second, older man, 
""Three women, three feathers."" 

The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. ""But you have so many feathers!"" 

The Chief proudly slapped his chest. ""Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."" 

Horrified, the female reporter said, ""You ought to be hung!"" 

The Chief said, ""Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."" 

The offended reporter said, ""You don't have to be hostile!"" 

The Chief replied, ""Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"" 

The reporter cried, ""Oh, dear!"" 

""No deer"", said the Chief. ""Ass too high, run too fast!""",2vbc3o,53,Big Chief Joke,"['old', 'dirt', 'still', 'funny', 'female', 'reporter', 'interviewing', 'american', 'indian', 'chief', 'asked', 'significance', 'varied', 'number', 'feather', 'indian', 'headdress', 'feather', 'show', 'number', 'sexual', 'partner', 'chief', 'replied', 'indicating', 'nearby', 'young', 'brave', 'continued', 'one', 'woman', 'one', 'feather', 'pointing', 'second', 'older', 'man', 'three', 'woman', 'three', 'feather', 'reporter', 'looked', 'chief', 'headdress', 'many', 'feather', 'chief', 'proudly', 'slapped', 'chest', 'chief', 'sleep', 'woman', 'big', 'small', 'fat', 'tall', 'horrified', 'female', 'reporter', 'said', 'ought', 'hung', 'chief', 'said', 'damn', 'right', 'hung', 'big', 'like', 'buffalo', 'long', 'like', 'snake', 'offended', 'reporter', 'said', 'hostile', 'chief', 'replied', 'style', 'reporter', 'cried', 'oh', 'dear', 'deer', 'said', 'chief', 'as', 'high', 'run', 'fast']","['big', 'chief', 'joke']","['old', 'dirt', 'still', 'funny', 'female', 'reporter', 'interviewing', 'american', 'indian', 'chief', 'asked', 'significance', 'varied', 'number', 'feather', 'indian', 'headdress', 'feather', 'show', 'number', 'sexual', 'partner', 'chief', 'replied', 'indicating', 'nearby', 'young', 'brave', 'continued', 'one', 'woman', 'one', 'feather', 'pointing', 'second', 'older', 'man', 'three', 'woman', 'three', 'feather', 'reporter', 'looked', 'chief', 'headdress', 'many', 'feather', 'chief', 'proudly', 'slapped', 'chest', 'chief', 'sleep', 'woman', 'big', 'small', 'fat', 'tall', 'horrified', 'female', 'reporter', 'said', 'ought', 'hung', 'chief', 'said', 'damn', 'right', 'hung', 'big', 'like', 'buffalo', 'long', 'like', 'snake', 'offended', 'reporter', 'said', 'hostile', 'chief', 'replied', 'style', 'reporter', 'cried', 'oh', 'dear', 'deer', 'said', 'chief', 'as', 'high', 'run', 'fast', 'big', 'chief', 'joke']",96
In pentagrams.,4aovlt,53,How does Satan measure his mass?,['pentagram'],"['satan', 'measure', 'mass']","['pentagram', 'satan', 'measure', 'mass']",4
"Whereas the party of the first part, also known as ""Lawyer"", and the party of the second part, also known as ""Light Bulb"", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.   The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being non-negotiable.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (""Receptacle""), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (""New Light Bulb""). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as ""Partnership.""",2b2ej6,53,How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?,"['whereas', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'also', 'known', 'lawyer', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'also', 'known', 'light', 'bulb', 'hereby', 'forthwith', 'agree', 'transaction', 'wherein', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'shall', 'removed', 'current', 'position', 'result', 'failure', 'perform', 'previously', 'agreed', 'upon', 'duty', 'lighting', 'elucidation', 'otherwise', 'illumination', 'area', 'ranging', 'front', 'north', 'door', 'entryway', 'terminating', 'area', 'inside', 'primary', 'living', 'area', 'demarcated', 'beginning', 'carpet', 'spillover', 'illumination', 'option', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'required', 'aforementioned', 'agreement', 'party', 'aforementioned', 'removal', 'transaction', 'shall', 'include', 'limited', 'following', 'step', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'shall', 'without', 'elevation', 'option', 'mean', 'chair', 'stepstool', 'ladder', 'mean', 'elevation', 'grasp', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'rotate', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'direction', 'point', 'upon', 'reaching', 'point', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'becomes', 'separated', 'party', 'third', 'part', 'receptacle', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'shall', 'option', 'disposing', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'manner', 'consistent', 'applicable', 'state', 'local', 'federal', 'statute', 'separation', 'disposal', 'achieved', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'shall', 'option', 'beginning', 'installation', 'party', 'fourth', 'part', 'new', 'light', 'bulb', 'installation', 'shall', 'occur', 'manner', 'consistent', 'reverse', 'procedure', 'described', 'step', 'one', 'document', 'careful', 'note', 'rotation', 'occur', 'clockwise', 'direction', 'point', 'also', 'note', 'described', 'step', 'may', 'performed', 'option', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'person', 'authorized', 'objective', 'produce', 'possible', 'revenue', 'party', 'fifth', 'part', 'also', 'known', 'partnership']","['many', 'lawyer', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['whereas', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'also', 'known', 'lawyer', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'also', 'known', 'light', 'bulb', 'hereby', 'forthwith', 'agree', 'transaction', 'wherein', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'shall', 'removed', 'current', 'position', 'result', 'failure', 'perform', 'previously', 'agreed', 'upon', 'duty', 'lighting', 'elucidation', 'otherwise', 'illumination', 'area', 'ranging', 'front', 'north', 'door', 'entryway', 'terminating', 'area', 'inside', 'primary', 'living', 'area', 'demarcated', 'beginning', 'carpet', 'spillover', 'illumination', 'option', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'required', 'aforementioned', 'agreement', 'party', 'aforementioned', 'removal', 'transaction', 'shall', 'include', 'limited', 'following', 'step', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'shall', 'without', 'elevation', 'option', 'mean', 'chair', 'stepstool', 'ladder', 'mean', 'elevation', 'grasp', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'rotate', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'direction', 'point', 'upon', 'reaching', 'point', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'becomes', 'separated', 'party', 'third', 'part', 'receptacle', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'shall', 'option', 'disposing', 'party', 'second', 'part', 'light', 'bulb', 'manner', 'consistent', 'applicable', 'state', 'local', 'federal', 'statute', 'separation', 'disposal', 'achieved', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'shall', 'option', 'beginning', 'installation', 'party', 'fourth', 'part', 'new', 'light', 'bulb', 'installation', 'shall', 'occur', 'manner', 'consistent', 'reverse', 'procedure', 'described', 'step', 'one', 'document', 'careful', 'note', 'rotation', 'occur', 'clockwise', 'direction', 'point', 'also', 'note', 'described', 'step', 'may', 'performed', 'option', 'party', 'first', 'part', 'lawyer', 'person', 'authorized', 'objective', 'produce', 'possible', 'revenue', 'party', 'fifth', 'part', 'also', 'known', 'partnership', 'many', 'lawyer', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']",198
"She crossed over to the other side of the road; I crossed over too.

She quickened her pace a little; I quickened my pace too.

She broke into a run; I broke into a run too.

She panicked and began to scream and run hell-for-leather; I panicked and began to scream and run hell-for-leather too.

Whatever it was, I was damned if it was going to catch me first.

P.S. It's an old one, but I doubt the original used semi-colons, so give me that.",5s6zth,53,I was walking home late at night along a dark street. There was a young woman walking a few steps in front of me.,"['crossed', 'side', 'road', 'crossed', 'quickened', 'pace', 'little', 'quickened', 'pace', 'broke', 'run', 'broke', 'run', 'panicked', 'began', 'scream', 'run', 'panicked', 'began', 'scream', 'run', 'whatever', 'damned', 'going', 'catch', 'first', 'old', 'one', 'doubt', 'original', 'used', 'give']","['walking', 'home', 'late', 'night', 'along', 'dark', 'street', 'young', 'woman', 'walking', 'step', 'front']","['crossed', 'side', 'road', 'crossed', 'quickened', 'pace', 'little', 'quickened', 'pace', 'broke', 'run', 'broke', 'run', 'panicked', 'began', 'scream', 'run', 'panicked', 'began', 'scream', 'run', 'whatever', 'damned', 'going', 'catch', 'first', 'old', 'one', 'doubt', 'original', 'used', 'give', 'walking', 'home', 'late', 'night', 'along', 'dark', 'street', 'young', 'woman', 'walking', 'step', 'front']",44
Sometimes they fall out of trees and I've never had sex with one,2hphpu,53,Women are like leaves...,"['sometimes', 'fall', 'tree', 'never', 'sex', 'one']","['woman', 'like', 'leaf']","['sometimes', 'fall', 'tree', 'never', 'sex', 'one', 'woman', 'like', 'leaf']",9
"So, these two guys are eating lunch and the subject of ""the most painful experience of your life"" comes up.  The first guy thinks for a moment and says ""that would have to be the time I slammed the car door on my hand"".  The second guy thinks and says ""I know the second most painful experience of my life was when I went to take a dump in the woods and squatted down on a [bear trap](http://features.cgsociety.org/newgallerycrits/g51/7551/7551_1217259273_large.jpg), the damn thing latched onto my dick and balls and I ran like hell"".

The first guy says ""Jesus man, if that was the second most painful experience of your life, what was the first?"" and his friend replied ""It came about 5 seconds later when I ran out of chain.""",2san9p,53,"""The Most Painful Experience of Your Life""","['two', 'guy', 'eating', 'lunch', 'subject', 'painful', 'experience', 'life', 'come', 'first', 'guy', 'think', 'moment', 'say', 'would', 'time', 'slammed', 'car', 'door', 'hand', 'second', 'guy', 'think', 'say', 'know', 'second', 'painful', 'experience', 'life', 'went', 'take', 'dump', 'wood', 'squatted', 'bear', 'trap', 'http', 'damn', 'thing', 'latched', 'onto', 'dick', 'ball', 'ran', 'like', 'hell', 'first', 'guy', 'say', 'jesus', 'man', 'second', 'painful', 'experience', 'life', 'first', 'friend', 'replied', 'came', 'second', 'later', 'ran', 'chain']","['painful', 'experience', 'life']","['two', 'guy', 'eating', 'lunch', 'subject', 'painful', 'experience', 'life', 'come', 'first', 'guy', 'think', 'moment', 'say', 'would', 'time', 'slammed', 'car', 'door', 'hand', 'second', 'guy', 'think', 'say', 'know', 'second', 'painful', 'experience', 'life', 'went', 'take', 'dump', 'wood', 'squatted', 'bear', 'trap', 'http', 'damn', 'thing', 'latched', 'onto', 'dick', 'ball', 'ran', 'like', 'hell', 'first', 'guy', 'say', 'jesus', 'man', 'second', 'painful', 'experience', 'life', 'first', 'friend', 'replied', 'came', 'second', 'later', 'ran', 'chain', 'painful', 'experience', 'life']",66
Go for the juggler ,4yopyf,53,If attacked by a mob of clowns,"['go', 'juggler']","['attacked', 'mob', 'clown']","['go', 'juggler', 'attacked', 'mob', 'clown']",5
A tourist.,4fg50q,53,"What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?",['tourist'],"['call', 'person', 'white', 'house', 'honest', 'intelligent']","['tourist', 'call', 'person', 'white', 'house', 'honest', 'intelligent']",7
"and says to the host, ""Table for 26 please"".  The host, confused said, ""but Jesus, it's just you and your 12 Apostles, that only makes 13"".  To this Jesus replied, ""Yeah, but we're only going to sit on one side of the table.""",5rotzm,53,Jesus walks into a restaurant with his Apostles...,"['say', 'host', 'table', 'please', 'host', 'confused', 'said', 'jesus', 'apostle', 'make', 'jesus', 'replied', 'yeah', 'going', 'sit', 'one', 'side', 'table']","['jesus', 'walk', 'restaurant', 'apostle']","['say', 'host', 'table', 'please', 'host', 'confused', 'said', 'jesus', 'apostle', 'make', 'jesus', 'replied', 'yeah', 'going', 'sit', 'one', 'side', 'table', 'jesus', 'walk', 'restaurant', 'apostle']",22
"Robin, Get the batmobile!  ",352bgp,53,What did one orphan say to the other?,"['robin', 'get', 'batmobile']","['one', 'orphan', 'say']","['robin', 'get', 'batmobile', 'one', 'orphan', 'say']",6
"Apparently my local radio station had an announcement on how to load a gun.

But I never got the bulletin.",4r8523,53,Gun loading announcement...,"['apparently', 'local', 'radio', 'station', 'announcement', 'load', 'gun', 'never', 'got', 'bulletin']","['gun', 'loading', 'announcement']","['apparently', 'local', 'radio', 'station', 'announcement', 'load', 'gun', 'never', 'got', 'bulletin', 'gun', 'loading', 'announcement']",13
"...was the ugliest woman I've ever seen.  She danced up to me and said ""Hey handsome, what would you like me to take off first?"" 

""My glasses"" I said",20iawd,53,Last night on stage at the strip club ...,"['ugliest', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'danced', 'said', 'hey', 'handsome', 'would', 'like', 'take', 'first', 'glass', 'said']","['last', 'night', 'stage', 'strip', 'club']","['ugliest', 'woman', 'ever', 'seen', 'danced', 'said', 'hey', 'handsome', 'would', 'like', 'take', 'first', 'glass', 'said', 'last', 'night', 'stage', 'strip', 'club']",19
a Highjacker,3rc0ma,53,What do you call a wanker on a plane?,['highjacker'],"['call', 'wanker', 'plane']","['highjacker', 'call', 'wanker', 'plane']",4
"He says :""Noah, Hear my will. I have decided what I wish to fill the first storey of the ark with""

""Of course my lord, what is it you wish?""

""I wish for you to fill it with carp!""

Noah is confused, he says ""But my lord, carp can swi-

""**DON'T QUESTION MY WILL NOAH**""

""Well okay, what do you wish for the second storey?"" 

""I have given this some thought...and I wish it to be filled with carp!""

""But my lord..the first sto-""

""**DON'T QUESTION MY WILL NOAH!**""

Noah sighs ""I know this is probably pointless asking, but what do you wish for the third storey?""

""Well Noah, that shall also be filled with carp""

Noah begins to get frustrated, he says ""I do not mean to question you lord, but we could do so much with this space!. I have to ask, why are you filling it all with carp?!""

God Looks to him and says ""Well Noah, I've always wanted to be the owner of a three storey Carpark""


",1gt64y,53,God comes and talks to Noah while he is building the Ark...,"['say', 'noah', 'hear', 'decided', 'wish', 'fill', 'first', 'storey', 'ark', 'course', 'lord', 'wish', 'wish', 'fill', 'carp', 'noah', 'confused', 'say', 'lord', 'carp', 'question', 'noah', 'well', 'okay', 'wish', 'second', 'storey', 'given', 'thought', 'wish', 'filled', 'carp', 'lord', 'first', 'question', 'noah', 'noah', 'sigh', 'know', 'probably', 'pointless', 'asking', 'wish', 'third', 'storey', 'well', 'noah', 'shall', 'also', 'filled', 'carp', 'noah', 'begin', 'get', 'frustrated', 'say', 'mean', 'question', 'lord', 'could', 'much', 'space', 'ask', 'filling', 'carp', 'god', 'look', 'say', 'well', 'noah', 'always', 'wanted', 'owner', 'three', 'storey', 'carpark']","['god', 'come', 'talk', 'noah', 'building', 'ark']","['say', 'noah', 'hear', 'decided', 'wish', 'fill', 'first', 'storey', 'ark', 'course', 'lord', 'wish', 'wish', 'fill', 'carp', 'noah', 'confused', 'say', 'lord', 'carp', 'question', 'noah', 'well', 'okay', 'wish', 'second', 'storey', 'given', 'thought', 'wish', 'filled', 'carp', 'lord', 'first', 'question', 'noah', 'noah', 'sigh', 'know', 'probably', 'pointless', 'asking', 'wish', 'third', 'storey', 'well', 'noah', 'shall', 'also', 'filled', 'carp', 'noah', 'begin', 'get', 'frustrated', 'say', 'mean', 'question', 'lord', 'could', 'much', 'space', 'ask', 'filling', 'carp', 'god', 'look', 'say', 'well', 'noah', 'always', 'wanted', 'owner', 'three', 'storey', 'carpark', 'god', 'come', 'talk', 'noah', 'building', 'ark']",82
"""Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"" 

Little Stevie raised his hand and said ""I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette."" 

The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie. 

Little Susie said, ""I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche."" 

The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny. 

Little Johnny stood up and said, ""I would want silicone."" 

The teacher said, ""Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"" 

""Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!""",5q8phb,53,A science teacher stood in the front of the class and asked...,"['child', 'could', 'one', 'raw', 'material', 'world', 'would', 'little', 'stevie', 'raised', 'hand', 'said', 'would', 'want', 'gold', 'gold', 'worth', 'lot', 'money', 'could', 'buy', 'corvette', 'teacher', 'nodded', 'called', 'little', 'susie', 'little', 'susie', 'said', 'would', 'want', 'platinum', 'platinum', 'worth', 'gold', 'could', 'buy', 'porsche', 'teacher', 'smiled', 'called', 'little', 'johnny', 'little', 'johnny', 'stood', 'said', 'would', 'want', 'silicone', 'teacher', 'said', 'silicone', 'silicone', 'little', 'johnny', 'mom', 'two', 'bag', 'stuff', 'see', 'sport', 'car', 'outside', 'house']","['science', 'teacher', 'stood', 'front', 'class', 'asked']","['child', 'could', 'one', 'raw', 'material', 'world', 'would', 'little', 'stevie', 'raised', 'hand', 'said', 'would', 'want', 'gold', 'gold', 'worth', 'lot', 'money', 'could', 'buy', 'corvette', 'teacher', 'nodded', 'called', 'little', 'susie', 'little', 'susie', 'said', 'would', 'want', 'platinum', 'platinum', 'worth', 'gold', 'could', 'buy', 'porsche', 'teacher', 'smiled', 'called', 'little', 'johnny', 'little', 'johnny', 'stood', 'said', 'would', 'want', 'silicone', 'teacher', 'said', 'silicone', 'silicone', 'little', 'johnny', 'mom', 'two', 'bag', 'stuff', 'see', 'sport', 'car', 'outside', 'house', 'science', 'teacher', 'stood', 'front', 'class', 'asked']",72
Oh well. Not worth losing sleep over it.,4a5xho,53,I was pretty upset when I heard clocks get set ahead an hour...,"['oh', 'well', 'worth', 'losing', 'sleep']","['pretty', 'upset', 'heard', 'clock', 'get', 'set', 'ahead', 'hour']","['oh', 'well', 'worth', 'losing', 'sleep', 'pretty', 'upset', 'heard', 'clock', 'get', 'set', 'ahead', 'hour']",13
"It's either Han Solo, or I have to use force.",5qgars,53,My sex life is just like Star Wars,"['either', 'han', 'solo', 'use', 'force']","['sex', 'life', 'like', 'star', 'war']","['either', 'han', 'solo', 'use', 'force', 'sex', 'life', 'like', 'star', 'war']",10
I don't think they understood when I said 'I wanna watch',2ronll,53,My lesbian friends got me a Rolex for Christmas,"['think', 'understood', 'said', 'wan', 'na', 'watch']","['lesbian', 'friend', 'got', 'rolex', 'christmas']","['think', 'understood', 'said', 'wan', 'na', 'watch', 'lesbian', 'friend', 'got', 'rolex', 'christmas']",11
"Short, easy, and with no imaginary parts.",2ex43e,53,I like my women how I like my math problems:,"['short', 'easy', 'imaginary', 'part']","['like', 'woman', 'like', 'math', 'problem']","['short', 'easy', 'imaginary', 'part', 'like', 'woman', 'like', 'math', 'problem']",9
"The Designated D

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationery for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! 

Dumbfounded, the officer said ""I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.""

""I doubt it"", said the man, ""tonight I'm the designated decoy.""",3jj511,53,The Designated D,"['designated', 'recently', 'routine', 'police', 'patrol', 'parked', 'outside', 'local', 'pub', 'late', 'evening', 'officer', 'noticed', 'man', 'leaving', 'bar', 'intoxicated', 'could', 'barely', 'walk', 'man', 'stumbled', 'around', 'car', 'park', 'minute', 'officer', 'quietly', 'observing', 'seemed', 'eternity', 'trying', 'key', 'five', 'vehicle', 'man', 'managed', 'find', 'car', 'fell', 'sat', 'minute', 'number', 'patron', 'left', 'bar', 'drove', 'finally', 'started', 'car', 'switched', 'wiper', 'fine', 'dry', 'night', 'flicked', 'indicator', 'tooted', 'horn', 'switched', 'light', 'moved', 'vehicle', 'forward', 'inch', 'reversed', 'little', 'remained', 'stationery', 'minute', 'vehicle', 'left', 'last', 'pulled', 'car', 'park', 'started', 'drive', 'slowly', 'road', 'police', 'officer', 'patiently', 'waited', 'time', 'started', 'patrol', 'car', 'put', 'flashing', 'light', 'promptly', 'pulled', 'man', 'carried', 'breathalyzer', 'test', 'amazement', 'breathalyzer', 'indicated', 'evidence', 'man', 'consumed', 'alcohol', 'dumbfounded', 'officer', 'said', 'ask', 'accompany', 'police', 'station', 'breathalyzer', 'equipment', 'must', 'broken', 'doubt', 'said', 'man', 'tonight', 'designated', 'decoy']",['designated'],"['designated', 'recently', 'routine', 'police', 'patrol', 'parked', 'outside', 'local', 'pub', 'late', 'evening', 'officer', 'noticed', 'man', 'leaving', 'bar', 'intoxicated', 'could', 'barely', 'walk', 'man', 'stumbled', 'around', 'car', 'park', 'minute', 'officer', 'quietly', 'observing', 'seemed', 'eternity', 'trying', 'key', 'five', 'vehicle', 'man', 'managed', 'find', 'car', 'fell', 'sat', 'minute', 'number', 'patron', 'left', 'bar', 'drove', 'finally', 'started', 'car', 'switched', 'wiper', 'fine', 'dry', 'night', 'flicked', 'indicator', 'tooted', 'horn', 'switched', 'light', 'moved', 'vehicle', 'forward', 'inch', 'reversed', 'little', 'remained', 'stationery', 'minute', 'vehicle', 'left', 'last', 'pulled', 'car', 'park', 'started', 'drive', 'slowly', 'road', 'police', 'officer', 'patiently', 'waited', 'time', 'started', 'patrol', 'car', 'put', 'flashing', 'light', 'promptly', 'pulled', 'man', 'carried', 'breathalyzer', 'test', 'amazement', 'breathalyzer', 'indicated', 'evidence', 'man', 'consumed', 'alcohol', 'dumbfounded', 'officer', 'said', 'ask', 'accompany', 'police', 'station', 'breathalyzer', 'equipment', 'must', 'broken', 'doubt', 'said', 'man', 'tonight', 'designated', 'decoy', 'designated']",122
"His gas light comes on and he pulls off at the next fuel station to fill up. He walks inside and the clerk looks at him, then the car with the penguin sitting inside and says 
     ""It's entirely too hot out here for a penguin! You need to take that thing to the zoo right away!"" 
        The man nods his head in agreement and replies ""Yeah, that's probably a good idea."" 
      A week passes and the man pulls into the same fuel station with the penguin sitting comfortably in the passenger seat again. 
      The man walks inside and the clerk angrily says ""I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"" The man looks at the clerk and calmly replies ""Yeah I did! We had a wonderful time!""",1cfb5m,53,A man is driving through the desert with a penguin in the passenger seat,"['gas', 'light', 'come', 'pull', 'next', 'fuel', 'station', 'fill', 'walk', 'inside', 'clerk', 'look', 'car', 'penguin', 'sitting', 'inside', 'say', 'entirely', 'hot', 'penguin', 'need', 'take', 'thing', 'zoo', 'right', 'away', 'man', 'nod', 'head', 'agreement', 'reply', 'yeah', 'probably', 'good', 'idea', 'week', 'pass', 'man', 'pull', 'fuel', 'station', 'penguin', 'sitting', 'comfortably', 'passenger', 'seat', 'man', 'walk', 'inside', 'clerk', 'angrily', 'say', 'thought', 'told', 'take', 'penguin', 'zoo', 'man', 'look', 'clerk', 'calmly', 'reply', 'yeah', 'wonderful', 'time']","['man', 'driving', 'desert', 'penguin', 'passenger', 'seat']","['gas', 'light', 'come', 'pull', 'next', 'fuel', 'station', 'fill', 'walk', 'inside', 'clerk', 'look', 'car', 'penguin', 'sitting', 'inside', 'say', 'entirely', 'hot', 'penguin', 'need', 'take', 'thing', 'zoo', 'right', 'away', 'man', 'nod', 'head', 'agreement', 'reply', 'yeah', 'probably', 'good', 'idea', 'week', 'pass', 'man', 'pull', 'fuel', 'station', 'penguin', 'sitting', 'comfortably', 'passenger', 'seat', 'man', 'walk', 'inside', 'clerk', 'angrily', 'say', 'thought', 'told', 'take', 'penguin', 'zoo', 'man', 'look', 'clerk', 'calmly', 'reply', 'yeah', 'wonderful', 'time', 'man', 'driving', 'desert', 'penguin', 'passenger', 'seat']",71
" A man doing market research knocked on a door and was
greeted by a young woman with three small children running
around at her feet.


He said, ""I'm doing research for Vaseline. Have you ever used
the product?""


She said, ""Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.""


""And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?""


""We use it for sex.""


The researcher was a little taken aback.
He said, ""Usually people lie to me and say they use it on
a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.
But in fact, I know most people do use it for sex.
I admire your honesty. Since you've been frank so far,
can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?""


The woman said, ""Sure. My husband and I put it on the
door knob to keep the kids out.""",1dg2ow,53,Vasaline,"['man', 'market', 'research', 'knocked', 'door', 'greeted', 'young', 'woman', 'three', 'small', 'child', 'running', 'around', 'foot', 'said', 'research', 'vaseline', 'ever', 'used', 'product', 'said', 'yes', 'husband', 'use', 'time', 'mind', 'asking', 'use', 'use', 'sex', 'researcher', 'little', 'taken', 'aback', 'said', 'usually', 'people', 'lie', 'say', 'use', 'child', 'bicycle', 'chain', 'help', 'gate', 'hinge', 'fact', 'know', 'people', 'use', 'sex', 'admire', 'honesty', 'since', 'frank', 'far', 'tell', 'exactly', 'use', 'sex', 'woman', 'said', 'sure', 'husband', 'put', 'door', 'knob', 'keep', 'kid']",['vasaline'],"['man', 'market', 'research', 'knocked', 'door', 'greeted', 'young', 'woman', 'three', 'small', 'child', 'running', 'around', 'foot', 'said', 'research', 'vaseline', 'ever', 'used', 'product', 'said', 'yes', 'husband', 'use', 'time', 'mind', 'asking', 'use', 'use', 'sex', 'researcher', 'little', 'taken', 'aback', 'said', 'usually', 'people', 'lie', 'say', 'use', 'child', 'bicycle', 'chain', 'help', 'gate', 'hinge', 'fact', 'know', 'people', 'use', 'sex', 'admire', 'honesty', 'since', 'frank', 'far', 'tell', 'exactly', 'use', 'sex', 'woman', 'said', 'sure', 'husband', 'put', 'door', 'knob', 'keep', 'kid', 'vasaline']",70
"The lesbian couple.  They are going to be gone lickity split, while the gay couple is still at home packing their shit.",4gpual,53,A Gay Couple & Lesbian Couple Are Driving to California. Who Gets there First?,"['lesbian', 'couple', 'going', 'gone', 'lickity', 'split', 'gay', 'couple', 'still', 'home', 'packing', 'shit']","['gay', 'couple', 'lesbian', 'couple', 'driving', 'california', 'get', 'first']","['lesbian', 'couple', 'going', 'gone', 'lickity', 'split', 'gay', 'couple', 'still', 'home', 'packing', 'shit', 'gay', 'couple', 'lesbian', 'couple', 'driving', 'california', 'get', 'first']",20
"He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, ""Doc, I'm not feeling well."" The doctor says, ""Well, you're not eating right.""",1zaw55,53,A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.,"['stalk', 'celery', 'nostril', 'pea', 'ear', 'say', 'doctor', 'doc', 'feeling', 'well', 'doctor', 'say', 'well', 'eating', 'right']","['man', 'go', 'doctor', 'carrot', 'nose']","['stalk', 'celery', 'nostril', 'pea', 'ear', 'say', 'doctor', 'doc', 'feeling', 'well', 'doctor', 'say', 'well', 'eating', 'right', 'man', 'go', 'doctor', 'carrot', 'nose']",20
Only one of them will stop screwing you after you're dead. ,37mkzc,53,Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?,"['one', 'stop', 'screwing', 'dead']","['know', 'difference', 'lawyer', 'prostitute']","['one', 'stop', 'screwing', 'dead', 'know', 'difference', 'lawyer', 'prostitute']",8
"A young couple go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, ""Honey,my hands are freezing!""
She says, ""Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up.""

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, ""Man! My hands are really freezing ! ""
She says again, ""Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up."" He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, ""Honey, my hands are really, really freezing ! ""
She looks at him and says, ""For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold? """,1qqfe1,53,"""Honey,my hands are freezing!""","['young', 'couple', 'go', 'mountain', 'romantic', 'winter', 'vacation', 'get', 'guy', 'go', 'chop', 'wood', 'get', 'back', 'say', 'honey', 'hand', 'freezing', 'say', 'well', 'put', 'thigh', 'warm', 'lunch', 'go', 'back', 'chop', 'wood', 'come', 'back', 'say', 'man', 'hand', 'really', 'freezing', 'say', 'well', 'put', 'thigh', 'warm', 'warms', 'dinner', 'go', 'one', 'time', 'chop', 'wood', 'get', 'night', 'return', 'say', 'honey', 'hand', 'really', 'really', 'freezing', 'look', 'say', 'cry', 'loud', 'ear', 'ever', 'get', 'cold']","['honey', 'hand', 'freezing']","['young', 'couple', 'go', 'mountain', 'romantic', 'winter', 'vacation', 'get', 'guy', 'go', 'chop', 'wood', 'get', 'back', 'say', 'honey', 'hand', 'freezing', 'say', 'well', 'put', 'thigh', 'warm', 'lunch', 'go', 'back', 'chop', 'wood', 'come', 'back', 'say', 'man', 'hand', 'really', 'freezing', 'say', 'well', 'put', 'thigh', 'warm', 'warms', 'dinner', 'go', 'one', 'time', 'chop', 'wood', 'get', 'night', 'return', 'say', 'honey', 'hand', 'really', 'really', 'freezing', 'look', 'say', 'cry', 'loud', 'ear', 'ever', 'get', 'cold', 'honey', 'hand', 'freezing']",67
"We were dressed, and ready to go. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the day. So she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the backyard!'",1do7so,53,Saying goodbye to mother,"['dressed', 'ready', 'go', 'turned', 'night', 'light', 'turned', 'answering', 'machine', 'covered', 'pet', 'parakeet', 'put', 'cat', 'backyard', 'phoned', 'local', 'cab', 'company', 'requested', 'taxi', 'taxi', 'arrived', 'opened', 'front', 'door', 'leave', 'house', 'walked', 'door', 'cat', 'put', 'yard', 'scoots', 'back', 'house', 'want', 'cat', 'shut', 'house', 'always', 'try', 'eat', 'bird', 'wife', 'go', 'taxi', 'went', 'back', 'inside', 'get', 'cat', 'cat', 'run', 'upstairs', 'hot', 'pursuit', 'waiting', 'cab', 'wife', 'want', 'driver', 'know', 'house', 'empty', 'day', 'explains', 'taxi', 'driver', 'soon', 'going', 'upstairs', 'say', 'goodbye', 'mother', 'minute', 'later', 'get', 'cab', 'took', 'long', 'said', 'drove', 'away', 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hiding', 'bed', 'poke', 'as', 'coat', 'hanger', 'get', 'come', 'tried', 'take', 'grabbed', 'neck', 'wrap', 'blanket', 'keep', 'scratching', 'worked', 'hauled', 'fat', 'as', 'downstairs', 'threw', 'backyard']","['saying', 'goodbye', 'mother']","['dressed', 'ready', 'go', 'turned', 'night', 'light', 'turned', 'answering', 'machine', 'covered', 'pet', 'parakeet', 'put', 'cat', 'backyard', 'phoned', 'local', 'cab', 'company', 'requested', 'taxi', 'taxi', 'arrived', 'opened', 'front', 'door', 'leave', 'house', 'walked', 'door', 'cat', 'put', 'yard', 'scoots', 'back', 'house', 'want', 'cat', 'shut', 'house', 'always', 'try', 'eat', 'bird', 'wife', 'go', 'taxi', 'went', 'back', 'inside', 'get', 'cat', 'cat', 'run', 'upstairs', 'hot', 'pursuit', 'waiting', 'cab', 'wife', 'want', 'driver', 'know', 'house', 'empty', 'day', 'explains', 'taxi', 'driver', 'soon', 'going', 'upstairs', 'say', 'goodbye', 'mother', 'minute', 'later', 'get', 'cab', 'took', 'long', 'said', 'drove', 'away', 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hiding', 'bed', 'poke', 'as', 'coat', 'hanger', 'get', 'come', 'tried', 'take', 'grabbed', 'neck', 'wrap', 'blanket', 'keep', 'scratching', 'worked', 'hauled', 'fat', 'as', 'downstairs', 'threw', 'backyard', 'saying', 'goodbye', 'mother']",112
"A woman is in the hospital after she had a baby.  A nurse comes in holding the newborn child.
Right as she enters the room, the nurse trips, dropping the baby on the floor.
The mother starts screaming, 'AHH, MY BABY!'
The nurse lunges to pick the baby up, but instead, kicks it across the floor and under the radiator.
The mother continues screaming.
The nurse goes to fetch the baby and as she picks it up, smashes the baby's head against the radiator.  
The mother is in absolute hysterics.  
At that point, the nurse starts laughing.
The mother screams, ""What the hell is wrong with you!?""
The nurse says, ""calm down, calm down.  It was a joke!
Your baby was already dead"".",32ktka,53,A woman is in the hospital after she had a baby,"['woman', 'hospital', 'baby', 'nurse', 'come', 'holding', 'newborn', 'child', 'right', 'enters', 'room', 'nurse', 'trip', 'dropping', 'baby', 'floor', 'mother', 'start', 'screaming', 'baby', 'nurse', 'lunge', 'pick', 'baby', 'instead', 'kick', 'across', 'floor', 'radiator', 'mother', 'continues', 'screaming', 'nurse', 'go', 'fetch', 'baby', 'pick', 'smash', 'baby', 'head', 'radiator', 'mother', 'absolute', 'hysteric', 'point', 'nurse', 'start', 'laughing', 'mother', 'scream', 'hell', 'wrong', 'nurse', 'say', 'calm', 'calm', 'joke', 'baby', 'already', 'dead']","['woman', 'hospital', 'baby']","['woman', 'hospital', 'baby', 'nurse', 'come', 'holding', 'newborn', 'child', 'right', 'enters', 'room', 'nurse', 'trip', 'dropping', 'baby', 'floor', 'mother', 'start', 'screaming', 'baby', 'nurse', 'lunge', 'pick', 'baby', 'instead', 'kick', 'across', 'floor', 'radiator', 'mother', 'continues', 'screaming', 'nurse', 'go', 'fetch', 'baby', 'pick', 'smash', 'baby', 'head', 'radiator', 'mother', 'absolute', 'hysteric', 'point', 'nurse', 'start', 'laughing', 'mother', 'scream', 'hell', 'wrong', 'nurse', 'say', 'calm', 'calm', 'joke', 'baby', 'already', 'dead', 'woman', 'hospital', 'baby']",63
"It doesn't really matter, as long as it has good cocoa content.",2l0hzr,53,How is a speech impediment like a box of chocolates?,"['really', 'matter', 'long', 'good', 'cocoa', 'content']","['speech', 'impediment', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']","['really', 'matter', 'long', 'good', 'cocoa', 'content', 'speech', 'impediment', 'like', 'box', 'chocolate']",11
"An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three
more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I
draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all
left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days
we all drank together.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same
way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars' in
the bar notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender
says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his
eye and he laughs.

'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. It's me.......I've quit drinking!",1z5ogq,53,It's a foine custom.,"['irishman', 'walk', 'bar', 'dublin', 'order', 'three', 'pint', 'guinness', 'sits', 'back', 'room', 'drinking', 'sip', 'one', 'turn', 'finished', 'three', 'come', 'back', 'bar', 'order', 'three', 'bartender', 'say', 'know', 'pint', 'go', 'flat', 'draw', 'would', 'taste', 'better', 'bought', 'one', 'time', 'irishman', 'reply', 'see', 'two', 'brother', 'one', 'america', 'australia', 'dublin', 'left', 'home', 'promised', 'drink', 'way', 'remember', 'day', 'drank', 'together', 'bartender', 'admits', 'nice', 'custom', 'leaf', 'irishman', 'becomes', 'regular', 'bar', 'always', 'drink', 'way', 'order', 'three', 'pint', 'drink', 'three', 'pint', 'taking', 'drink', 'turn', 'one', 'day', 'come', 'order', 'two', 'pint', 'regular', 'bar', 'notice', 'fall', 'silent', 'come', 'back', 'bar', 'second', 'round', 'bartender', 'say', 'want', 'intrude', 'grief', 'wanted', 'offer', 'condolence', 'great', 'loss', 'irishman', 'look', 'confused', 'moment', 'light', 'dawn', 'eye', 'laugh', 'say', 'fine', 'quit', 'drinking']","['foine', 'custom']","['irishman', 'walk', 'bar', 'dublin', 'order', 'three', 'pint', 'guinness', 'sits', 'back', 'room', 'drinking', 'sip', 'one', 'turn', 'finished', 'three', 'come', 'back', 'bar', 'order', 'three', 'bartender', 'say', 'know', 'pint', 'go', 'flat', 'draw', 'would', 'taste', 'better', 'bought', 'one', 'time', 'irishman', 'reply', 'see', 'two', 'brother', 'one', 'america', 'australia', 'dublin', 'left', 'home', 'promised', 'drink', 'way', 'remember', 'day', 'drank', 'together', 'bartender', 'admits', 'nice', 'custom', 'leaf', 'irishman', 'becomes', 'regular', 'bar', 'always', 'drink', 'way', 'order', 'three', 'pint', 'drink', 'three', 'pint', 'taking', 'drink', 'turn', 'one', 'day', 'come', 'order', 'two', 'pint', 'regular', 'bar', 'notice', 'fall', 'silent', 'come', 'back', 'bar', 'second', 'round', 'bartender', 'say', 'want', 'intrude', 'grief', 'wanted', 'offer', 'condolence', 'great', 'loss', 'irishman', 'look', 'confused', 'moment', 'light', 'dawn', 'eye', 'laugh', 'say', 'fine', 'quit', 'drinking', 'foine', 'custom']",114
"And sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. Thinking this is rather odd, he goes over to the bartender and asks about the meat on the ceiling. 

The bartender tells him, ""if you can jump and touch any piece of meat up there, you get free drinks for the night. If, however, you miss, you have to buy rounds for everyone in the bar.""

The man looks up at the meat, then back at the bartender, then around the room at all the hopeful faces, and finally says to the bartender, 

""I think I'll pass, the steaks are too high""",4ewuwz,53,"A man walks into a bar,","['see', 'bunch', 'meat', 'hanging', 'ceiling', 'thinking', 'rather', 'odd', 'go', 'bartender', 'asks', 'meat', 'ceiling', 'bartender', 'tell', 'jump', 'touch', 'piece', 'meat', 'get', 'free', 'drink', 'night', 'however', 'miss', 'buy', 'round', 'everyone', 'bar', 'man', 'look', 'meat', 'back', 'bartender', 'around', 'room', 'hopeful', 'face', 'finally', 'say', 'bartender', 'think', 'pas', 'steak', 'high']","['man', 'walk', 'bar']","['see', 'bunch', 'meat', 'hanging', 'ceiling', 'thinking', 'rather', 'odd', 'go', 'bartender', 'asks', 'meat', 'ceiling', 'bartender', 'tell', 'jump', 'touch', 'piece', 'meat', 'get', 'free', 'drink', 'night', 'however', 'miss', 'buy', 'round', 'everyone', 'bar', 'man', 'look', 'meat', 'back', 'bartender', 'around', 'room', 'hopeful', 'face', 'finally', 'say', 'bartender', 'think', 'pas', 'steak', 'high', 'man', 'walk', 'bar']",48
Because people are dying to get in.,3029iy,53,Why do they put fences around graveyards?,"['people', 'dying', 'get']","['put', 'fence', 'around', 'graveyard']","['people', 'dying', 'get', 'put', 'fence', 'around', 'graveyard']",7
Because it would kill the camel,33gmty,53,Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran,"['would', 'kill', 'camel']","['dont', 'driver', 'education', 'sex', 'education', 'class', 'day', 'iran']","['would', 'kill', 'camel', 'dont', 'driver', 'education', 'sex', 'education', 'class', 'day', 'iran']",11
"The spelling

Teehee",1hs0n1,53,What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?,"['spelling', 'teehee']","['difference', 'normal', 'woman', 'witch']","['spelling', 'teehee', 'difference', 'normal', 'woman', 'witch']",6
It's probably the pepper spray,4ocu7o,53,My eyes always hurt whenever I have sex,"['probably', 'pepper', 'spray']","['eye', 'always', 'hurt', 'whenever', 'sex']","['probably', 'pepper', 'spray', 'eye', 'always', 'hurt', 'whenever', 'sex']",8
"Common Sense.

I'll show myself out...",3inst2,53,What do you call the fear of chainsaws?,"['common', 'sense', 'show']","['call', 'fear', 'chainsaw']","['common', 'sense', 'show', 'call', 'fear', 'chainsaw']",6
We're the Suicide Squad!,4w2g9b,53,My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...,"['suicide', 'squad']","['friend', 'dressing', 'different', 'robin', 'williams', 'character', 'comic', 'con', 'weekend']","['suicide', 'squad', 'friend', 'dressing', 'different', 'robin', 'williams', 'character', 'comic', 'con', 'weekend']",11
"Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.",22ldp8,53,I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.,"['apparently', 'touchy', 'subject']","['hear', 'local', 'school', 'want', 'introduce', 'massage', 'class', 'help', 'combat', 'stress', 'lot', 'opposition', 'parent', 'group']","['apparently', 'touchy', 'subject', 'hear', 'local', 'school', 'want', 'introduce', 'massage', 'class', 'help', 'combat', 'stress', 'lot', 'opposition', 'parent', 'group']",17
"... and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair exchange""",2n3sp9,53,"I saw a sign that said ""Watch for children""...","['thought', 'sound', 'like', 'fair', 'exchange']","['saw', 'sign', 'said', 'watch', 'child']","['thought', 'sound', 'like', 'fair', 'exchange', 'saw', 'sign', 'said', 'watch', 'child']",10
"A mum visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious...

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, her son volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just
roommates and nothing more.""

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?""

He said ,""Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure."" He sat down and wrote :

""Dear Mum,
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.""

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

""Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mum. xx""


EDIT - Okay I get it was on reddit before - a friend shared it to me and I thought it was good and did't think it was on here already or if it had been, it would have been here a long time ago",410k0z,53,A mum visits her son for dinner...,"['mum', 'visit', 'son', 'dinner', 'life', 'girl', 'roommate', 'course', 'meal', 'mother', 'could', 'help', 'notice', 'pretty', 'roommate', 'long', 'suspicious', 'relationship', 'two', 'made', 'curious', 'course', 'evening', 'watching', 'two', 'interact', 'started', 'wonder', 'roommate', 'met', 'eye', 'reading', 'mom', 'thought', 'son', 'volunteered', 'know', 'must', 'thinking', 'assure', 'roommate', 'nothing', 'week', 'later', 'roommate', 'came', 'saying', 'ever', 'since', 'mother', 'came', 'dinner', 'unable', 'find', 'silver', 'plate', 'suppose', 'took', 'said', 'well', 'doubt', 'email', 'sure', 'sat', 'wrote', 'dear', 'mum', 'saying', 'take', 'silver', 'plate', 'house', 'saying', 'take', 'silver', 'plate', 'fact', 'remains', 'missing', 'ever', 'since', 'dinner', 'love', 'son', 'several', 'day', 'later', 'received', 'email', 'mother', 'read', 'dear', 'son', 'saying', 'sleep', 'roommate', 'saying', 'sleep', 'fact', 'remains', 'sleeping', 'bed', 'would', 'found', 'silver', 'plate', 'love', 'mum', 'xx', 'edit', 'okay', 'get', 'reddit', 'friend', 'shared', 'thought', 'good', 'think', 'already', 'would', 'long', 'time', 'ago']","['mum', 'visit', 'son', 'dinner']","['mum', 'visit', 'son', 'dinner', 'life', 'girl', 'roommate', 'course', 'meal', 'mother', 'could', 'help', 'notice', 'pretty', 'roommate', 'long', 'suspicious', 'relationship', 'two', 'made', 'curious', 'course', 'evening', 'watching', 'two', 'interact', 'started', 'wonder', 'roommate', 'met', 'eye', 'reading', 'mom', 'thought', 'son', 'volunteered', 'know', 'must', 'thinking', 'assure', 'roommate', 'nothing', 'week', 'later', 'roommate', 'came', 'saying', 'ever', 'since', 'mother', 'came', 'dinner', 'unable', 'find', 'silver', 'plate', 'suppose', 'took', 'said', 'well', 'doubt', 'email', 'sure', 'sat', 'wrote', 'dear', 'mum', 'saying', 'take', 'silver', 'plate', 'house', 'saying', 'take', 'silver', 'plate', 'fact', 'remains', 'missing', 'ever', 'since', 'dinner', 'love', 'son', 'several', 'day', 'later', 'received', 'email', 'mother', 'read', 'dear', 'son', 'saying', 'sleep', 'roommate', 'saying', 'sleep', 'fact', 'remains', 'sleeping', 'bed', 'would', 'found', 'silver', 'plate', 'love', 'mum', 'xx', 'edit', 'okay', 'get', 'reddit', 'friend', 'shared', 'thought', 'good', 'think', 'already', 'would', 'long', 'time', 'ago', 'mum', 'visit', 'son', 'dinner']",127
Phone her.,51q894,53,How do you make your girlfriend cry while you're having sex?,['phone'],"['make', 'girlfriend', 'cry', 'sex']","['phone', 'make', 'girlfriend', 'cry', 'sex']",5
"It's like being turned down for a job, then they call you a week later complaining about the person they hired.",1t7v7f,53,The Friend zone.,"['like', 'turned', 'job', 'call', 'week', 'later', 'complaining', 'person', 'hired']","['friend', 'zone']","['like', 'turned', 'job', 'call', 'week', 'later', 'complaining', 'person', 'hired', 'friend', 'zone']",11
"No one knows, it's never been done before",48kijm,53,How many Frenchmen does it take to guard Paris?,"['one', 'know', 'never', 'done']","['many', 'frenchman', 'take', 'guard', 'paris']","['one', 'know', 'never', 'done', 'many', 'frenchman', 'take', 'guard', 'paris']",9
-1,371qyz,53,How many black people does it take to start a riot?,[],"['many', 'black', 'people', 'take', 'start', 'riot']","['many', 'black', 'people', 'take', 'start', 'riot']",6
"Gandhi never wore shoes, and so his feet were always covered in loads of callouses and blisters. And because he never ate food, he was always very frail. Furthermore his fasting caused him to have horrible breath. So...

I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis ",4deoqb,53,Mahatma Ghandi never wore shoes...,"['gandhi', 'never', 'wore', 'shoe', 'foot', 'always', 'covered', 'load', 'callouses', 'blister', 'never', 'ate', 'food', 'always', 'frail', 'furthermore', 'fasting', 'caused', 'horrible', 'breath', 'guess', 'could', 'say', 'super', 'calloused', 'fragile', 'mystic', 'hexed', 'halitosis']","['mahatma', 'ghandi', 'never', 'wore', 'shoe']","['gandhi', 'never', 'wore', 'shoe', 'foot', 'always', 'covered', 'load', 'callouses', 'blister', 'never', 'ate', 'food', 'always', 'frail', 'furthermore', 'fasting', 'caused', 'horrible', 'breath', 'guess', 'could', 'say', 'super', 'calloused', 'fragile', 'mystic', 'hexed', 'halitosis', 'mahatma', 'ghandi', 'never', 'wore', 'shoe']",34
"Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary. ",2s6xst,53,How do you end world hunger?,"['put', 'turkey', 'greece', 'cook', 'cut', 'put', 'chile', 'put', 'china', 'give', 'hungary']","['end', 'world', 'hunger']","['put', 'turkey', 'greece', 'cook', 'cut', 'put', 'chile', 'put', 'china', 'give', 'hungary', 'end', 'world', 'hunger']",14
mainly because their hearts are already broken,2pgtep,53,Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack,"['mainly', 'heart', 'already', 'broken']","['know', 'cat', 'owner', 'le', 'likely', 'suffer', 'heart', 'attack']","['mainly', 'heart', 'already', 'broken', 'know', 'cat', 'owner', 'le', 'likely', 'suffer', 'heart', 'attack']",12
"A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.  
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.  
""Well,"" he said, ""I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's ""the"" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.""  
""Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.""  
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.  
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.  
The girl leans over to him and says, ""You never told me that you were such a religious person.""  
The boy leans over to her and whispers, ""You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.""",3oy5rl,53,Young man and the Pharmacy,"['young', 'man', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'buy', 'condom', 'pharmacist', 'say', 'condom', 'come', 'pack', 'asks', 'young', 'man', 'want', 'well', 'said', 'seeing', 'girl', 'really', 'hot', 'want', 'condom', 'think', 'tonight', 'night', 'dinner', 'parent', 'going', 'got', 'feeling', 'gon', 'na', 'get', 'lucky', 'want', 'time', 'better', 'give', 'pack', 'young', 'man', 'make', 'purchase', 'leaf', 'later', 'evening', 'sits', 'dinner', 'girlfriend', 'parent', 'asks', 'might', 'give', 'blessing', 'agree', 'begin', 'prayer', 'continues', 'praying', 'several', 'minute', 'girl', 'lean', 'say', 'never', 'told', 'religious', 'person', 'boy', 'lean', 'whisper', 'never', 'told', 'father', 'pharmacist']","['young', 'man', 'pharmacy']","['young', 'man', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'buy', 'condom', 'pharmacist', 'say', 'condom', 'come', 'pack', 'asks', 'young', 'man', 'want', 'well', 'said', 'seeing', 'girl', 'really', 'hot', 'want', 'condom', 'think', 'tonight', 'night', 'dinner', 'parent', 'going', 'got', 'feeling', 'gon', 'na', 'get', 'lucky', 'want', 'time', 'better', 'give', 'pack', 'young', 'man', 'make', 'purchase', 'leaf', 'later', 'evening', 'sits', 'dinner', 'girlfriend', 'parent', 'asks', 'might', 'give', 'blessing', 'agree', 'begin', 'prayer', 'continues', 'praying', 'several', 'minute', 'girl', 'lean', 'say', 'never', 'told', 'religious', 'person', 'boy', 'lean', 'whisper', 'never', 'told', 'father', 'pharmacist', 'young', 'man', 'pharmacy']",80
"We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door. 
 
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. 

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.' 

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! 

The cab driver hit a parked car. ",2u4dsw,53,Saying Goodbye to Mother,"['dressed', 'ready', 'go', 'new', 'year', 'eve', 'party', 'turned', 'night', 'light', 'turned', 'answering', 'machine', 'covered', 'pet', 'parakeet', 'put', 'cat', 'backyard', 'phoned', 'local', 'cab', 'company', 'requested', 'taxi', 'taxi', 'arrived', 'opened', 'front', 'door', 'leave', 'house', 'cat', 'put', 'back', 'yard', 'scoots', 'back', 'front', 'door', 'want', 'cat', 'shut', 'house', 'always', 'try', 'eat', 'bird', 'wife', 'go', 'taxi', 'went', 'inside', 'get', 'cat', 'cat', 'run', 'upstairs', 'hot', 'pursuit', 'waiting', 'cab', 'wife', 'want', 'driver', 'know', 'house', 'empty', 'night', 'explains', 'taxi', 'driver', 'soon', 'going', 'upstairs', 'say', 'goodbye', 'mother', 'minute', 'later', 'get', 'cab', 'took', 'long', 'said', 'drove', 'away', 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hiding', 'bed', 'poke', 'coat', 'hanger', 'get', 'come', 'tried', 'take', 'grabbed', 'neck', 'wrap', 'blanket', 'keep', 'scratching', 'worked', 'hauled', 'fat', 'as', 'downstairs', 'threw', 'back', 'yard', 'cab', 'driver', 'hit', 'parked', 'car']","['saying', 'goodbye', 'mother']","['dressed', 'ready', 'go', 'new', 'year', 'eve', 'party', 'turned', 'night', 'light', 'turned', 'answering', 'machine', 'covered', 'pet', 'parakeet', 'put', 'cat', 'backyard', 'phoned', 'local', 'cab', 'company', 'requested', 'taxi', 'taxi', 'arrived', 'opened', 'front', 'door', 'leave', 'house', 'cat', 'put', 'back', 'yard', 'scoots', 'back', 'front', 'door', 'want', 'cat', 'shut', 'house', 'always', 'try', 'eat', 'bird', 'wife', 'go', 'taxi', 'went', 'inside', 'get', 'cat', 'cat', 'run', 'upstairs', 'hot', 'pursuit', 'waiting', 'cab', 'wife', 'want', 'driver', 'know', 'house', 'empty', 'night', 'explains', 'taxi', 'driver', 'soon', 'going', 'upstairs', 'say', 'goodbye', 'mother', 'minute', 'later', 'get', 'cab', 'took', 'long', 'said', 'drove', 'away', 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hiding', 'bed', 'poke', 'coat', 'hanger', 'get', 'come', 'tried', 'take', 'grabbed', 'neck', 'wrap', 'blanket', 'keep', 'scratching', 'worked', 'hauled', 'fat', 'as', 'downstairs', 'threw', 'back', 'yard', 'cab', 'driver', 'hit', 'parked', 'car', 'saying', 'goodbye', 'mother']",120
"A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, ""Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.""




The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, ""What would you like to talk about?""




""Oh, I don't know,"" said the guy. ""How about nuclear power?""



""OK,"" she said. ""That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?""




The guy thought about it and said, ""Hmmm, I have no idea.""




To which the girl replied, ""Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?""",3c40dk,53,Lets talk.,"['guy', 'seated', 'next', 'girl', 'airplane', 'bored', 'turned', 'girl', 'said', 'let', 'talk', 'heard', 'flight', 'go', 'quicker', 'strike', 'conversation', 'fellow', 'passenger', 'girl', 'reading', 'book', 'closed', 'slowly', 'said', 'guy', 'would', 'like', 'talk', 'oh', 'know', 'said', 'guy', 'nuclear', 'power', 'ok', 'said', 'could', 'interesting', 'topic', 'let', 'ask', 'question', 'first', 'horse', 'cow', 'deer', 'eat', 'stuff', 'grass', 'yet', 'deer', 'excretes', 'little', 'pellet', 'cow', 'turn', 'flat', 'patty', 'horse', 'produce', 'clump', 'dried', 'grass', 'suppose', 'guy', 'thought', 'said', 'hmmm', 'idea', 'girl', 'replied', 'really', 'feel', 'qualified', 'discus', 'nuclear', 'power', 'know']","['let', 'talk']","['guy', 'seated', 'next', 'girl', 'airplane', 'bored', 'turned', 'girl', 'said', 'let', 'talk', 'heard', 'flight', 'go', 'quicker', 'strike', 'conversation', 'fellow', 'passenger', 'girl', 'reading', 'book', 'closed', 'slowly', 'said', 'guy', 'would', 'like', 'talk', 'oh', 'know', 'said', 'guy', 'nuclear', 'power', 'ok', 'said', 'could', 'interesting', 'topic', 'let', 'ask', 'question', 'first', 'horse', 'cow', 'deer', 'eat', 'stuff', 'grass', 'yet', 'deer', 'excretes', 'little', 'pellet', 'cow', 'turn', 'flat', 'patty', 'horse', 'produce', 'clump', 'dried', 'grass', 'suppose', 'guy', 'thought', 'said', 'hmmm', 'idea', 'girl', 'replied', 'really', 'feel', 'qualified', 'discus', 'nuclear', 'power', 'know', 'let', 'talk']",81
she changes it more often.,4qvfvr,53,"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's,","['change', 'often']","['woman', 'mind', 'cleaner', 'man']","['change', 'often', 'woman', 'mind', 'cleaner', 'man']",6
"On the first hole, the nun hits an excellent shot, landing the ball right on the green. A short golf cart ride later, she putts and the ball rolls right toward the hole but veers left at the second. ""God, I missed!"" yells the nun. ""Now, now, sister,"" the priest remarks, ""don't use the Lord's name in vain, or he will strike you down."" The nun shrugs him off and prepares to putt again.
 
On the tenth hole, the nun again hits a wonderful shot, landing the ball once again on the green. The pair drives over to the green. The nun putts the ball and but it skips over the hole. ""God, I missed!"" the nun exclaims again. ""Be careful, sister l, one must never use the Lord's name in vain, for he will surely strike you down!"" the priest warns. ""Yeah, I heard you the first time,"" says the nun dismissively.
 
On the eighteenth hole, after a spectacular shot landing the ball mere metres from the hole, the nun gently taps the ball toward the hole. It rolls gracefully toward its target, spins around the inside of the hole and hops back out, resting firmly right on the edge. Infuriated, the nun shouts, ""God, I missed!"" Suddenly, the sky darkens and the smell of sulphur thickens the air. A massive and terrifying bolt of white lighting streaks down from the sky: a tendril of pure, divine, death-seeking light energy. With an eardrum-shattering crack and a blinding flash, it strikes the priest dead.
 
A booming, mighty voice cries out from the heavens in frustration: ""*GOD, I MISSED!*""",5tjtca,53,A nun decides to go golfing and invites a priest to be her caddy.,"['first', 'hole', 'nun', 'hit', 'excellent', 'shot', 'landing', 'ball', 'right', 'green', 'short', 'golf', 'cart', 'ride', 'later', 'putt', 'ball', 'roll', 'right', 'toward', 'hole', 'veers', 'left', 'second', 'god', 'missed', 'yell', 'nun', 'sister', 'priest', 'remark', 'use', 'lord', 'name', 'vain', 'strike', 'nun', 'shrug', 'prepares', 'putt', 'tenth', 'hole', 'nun', 'hit', 'wonderful', 'shot', 'landing', 'ball', 'green', 'pair', 'drive', 'green', 'nun', 'putt', 'ball', 'skip', 'hole', 'god', 'missed', 'nun', 'exclaims', 'careful', 'sister', 'l', 'one', 'must', 'never', 'use', 'lord', 'name', 'vain', 'surely', 'strike', 'priest', 'warns', 'yeah', 'heard', 'first', 'time', 'say', 'nun', 'dismissively', 'eighteenth', 'hole', 'spectacular', 'shot', 'landing', 'ball', 'mere', 'metre', 'hole', 'nun', 'gently', 'tap', 'ball', 'toward', 'hole', 'roll', 'gracefully', 'toward', 'target', 'spin', 'around', 'inside', 'hole', 'hop', 'back', 'resting', 'firmly', 'right', 'edge', 'infuriated', 'nun', 'shout', 'god', 'missed', 'suddenly', 'sky', 'darkens', 'smell', 'sulphur', 'thickens', 'air', 'massive', 'terrifying', 'bolt', 'white', 'lighting', 'streak', 'sky', 'tendril', 'pure', 'divine', 'light', 'energy', 'crack', 'blinding', 'flash', 'strike', 'priest', 'dead', 'booming', 'mighty', 'voice', 'cry', 'heaven', 'frustration', 'god', 'missed']","['nun', 'decides', 'go', 'golfing', 'invite', 'priest', 'caddy']","['first', 'hole', 'nun', 'hit', 'excellent', 'shot', 'landing', 'ball', 'right', 'green', 'short', 'golf', 'cart', 'ride', 'later', 'putt', 'ball', 'roll', 'right', 'toward', 'hole', 'veers', 'left', 'second', 'god', 'missed', 'yell', 'nun', 'sister', 'priest', 'remark', 'use', 'lord', 'name', 'vain', 'strike', 'nun', 'shrug', 'prepares', 'putt', 'tenth', 'hole', 'nun', 'hit', 'wonderful', 'shot', 'landing', 'ball', 'green', 'pair', 'drive', 'green', 'nun', 'putt', 'ball', 'skip', 'hole', 'god', 'missed', 'nun', 'exclaims', 'careful', 'sister', 'l', 'one', 'must', 'never', 'use', 'lord', 'name', 'vain', 'surely', 'strike', 'priest', 'warns', 'yeah', 'heard', 'first', 'time', 'say', 'nun', 'dismissively', 'eighteenth', 'hole', 'spectacular', 'shot', 'landing', 'ball', 'mere', 'metre', 'hole', 'nun', 'gently', 'tap', 'ball', 'toward', 'hole', 'roll', 'gracefully', 'toward', 'target', 'spin', 'around', 'inside', 'hole', 'hop', 'back', 'resting', 'firmly', 'right', 'edge', 'infuriated', 'nun', 'shout', 'god', 'missed', 'suddenly', 'sky', 'darkens', 'smell', 'sulphur', 'thickens', 'air', 'massive', 'terrifying', 'bolt', 'white', 'lighting', 'streak', 'sky', 'tendril', 'pure', 'divine', 'light', 'energy', 'crack', 'blinding', 'flash', 'strike', 'priest', 'dead', 'booming', 'mighty', 'voice', 'cry', 'heaven', 'frustration', 'god', 'missed', 'nun', 'decides', 'go', 'golfing', 'invite', 'priest', 'caddy']",156
"""Ye see that fence over there?"" he says to the bartender. ""Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No...""

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. ""Ye see that pier on the loch?"" He continues, ""Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No.""

""But ah fuck ONE sheep....""",2hlqi2,53,"This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.","['ye', 'see', 'fence', 'say', 'bartender', 'ah', 'built', 'two', 'hand', 'dug', 'hole', 'shovel', 'chopped', 'doon', 'tree', 'post', 'ownself', 'laid', 'every', 'last', 'rail', 'call', 'gulp', 'whiskey', 'order', 'another', 'ye', 'see', 'pier', 'loch', 'continues', 'ah', 'built', 'ownself', 'swam', 'oot', 'loch', 'lay', 'foondations', 'laid', 'doon', 'every', 'single', 'board', 'call', 'ah', 'fuck', 'one', 'sheep']","['scottish', 'farmer', 'walk', 'neighborhood', 'pub', 'order', 'whiskey']","['ye', 'see', 'fence', 'say', 'bartender', 'ah', 'built', 'two', 'hand', 'dug', 'hole', 'shovel', 'chopped', 'doon', 'tree', 'post', 'ownself', 'laid', 'every', 'last', 'rail', 'call', 'gulp', 'whiskey', 'order', 'another', 'ye', 'see', 'pier', 'loch', 'continues', 'ah', 'built', 'ownself', 'swam', 'oot', 'loch', 'lay', 'foondations', 'laid', 'doon', 'every', 'single', 'board', 'call', 'ah', 'fuck', 'one', 'sheep', 'scottish', 'farmer', 'walk', 'neighborhood', 'pub', 'order', 'whiskey']",56
Thoreau editing.,1vgfak,53,Why was Civil Disobedience such a good essay?,"['thoreau', 'editing']","['civil', 'disobedience', 'good', 'essay']","['thoreau', 'editing', 'civil', 'disobedience', 'good', 'essay']",6
"that nobody ever phoned her, so I put a ""How's my driving?"" sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since. 
",3aipia,53,My wife was complaining,"['nobody', 'ever', 'phoned', 'put', 'driving', 'sticker', 'car', 'phone', 'stopped', 'ringing', 'since']","['wife', 'complaining']","['nobody', 'ever', 'phoned', 'put', 'driving', 'sticker', 'car', 'phone', 'stopped', 'ringing', 'since', 'wife', 'complaining']",13
"The devil appeared to the man one day and said ""If you are willing to give me a soul, I will grant you all of your heart's desires, but you will have to deliver your soul to me on your final day, I will tell you when it comes""
The man, without a second thought, agreed to this.
20 years later, the man had lived a life of wealth, women and booze.
He was out walking home from a bar when the devil reappeared in front of him.
""Time's up, your soul, now, as per our deal""
The man looked at him blankly and said ""alright""
He pulls out a sharp blade, bends over and reaches toward his shoes.",4xbo74,53,So an illiterate man signs a deal with the devil.,"['devil', 'appeared', 'man', 'one', 'day', 'said', 'willing', 'give', 'soul', 'grant', 'heart', 'desire', 'deliver', 'soul', 'final', 'day', 'tell', 'come', 'man', 'without', 'second', 'thought', 'agreed', 'year', 'later', 'man', 'lived', 'life', 'wealth', 'woman', 'booze', 'walking', 'home', 'bar', 'devil', 'reappeared', 'front', 'time', 'soul', 'per', 'deal', 'man', 'looked', 'blankly', 'said', 'alright', 'pull', 'sharp', 'blade', 'bend', 'reach', 'toward', 'shoe']","['illiterate', 'man', 'sign', 'deal', 'devil']","['devil', 'appeared', 'man', 'one', 'day', 'said', 'willing', 'give', 'soul', 'grant', 'heart', 'desire', 'deliver', 'soul', 'final', 'day', 'tell', 'come', 'man', 'without', 'second', 'thought', 'agreed', 'year', 'later', 'man', 'lived', 'life', 'wealth', 'woman', 'booze', 'walking', 'home', 'bar', 'devil', 'reappeared', 'front', 'time', 'soul', 'per', 'deal', 'man', 'looked', 'blankly', 'said', 'alright', 'pull', 'sharp', 'blade', 'bend', 'reach', 'toward', 'shoe', 'illiterate', 'man', 'sign', 'deal', 'devil']",58
"Mommy says, ""what did you do on the way home from school?"" The little boy says, ""well, on the way home from school, I cut through the park. And I saw Daddy. He was in a car with Aunt Suzy. And he unbuttoned her shirt, and then he took her bra off, and then..."" 

Mommy says ""hmph, let's save the rest of the story for when Daddy comes home for dinner."" The little boy says,""OK Mommy."" 

Daddy comes home for dinner. Mommy says to the little boy ""what did you do on the way home from school?"" 

The little boy says,""well, on the way home from school, I cut through the park. And I saw Daddy. He was in a car with Aunt Suzy. And he unbuttoned her shirt, and then he took her bra off..."" 

And Mommy says,""hmph, and then what happened?"" 

And the little boy says,""and then Daddy and Aunt Suzy started doin' the same thing that you and Uncle Roy did when Daddy was away in the Army!""",4oc8xm,53,A little boy comes home from school.,"['mommy', 'say', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'well', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'cut', 'park', 'saw', 'daddy', 'car', 'aunt', 'suzy', 'unbuttoned', 'shirt', 'took', 'bra', 'mommy', 'say', 'hmph', 'let', 'save', 'rest', 'story', 'daddy', 'come', 'home', 'dinner', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'ok', 'mommy', 'daddy', 'come', 'home', 'dinner', 'mommy', 'say', 'little', 'boy', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'well', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'cut', 'park', 'saw', 'daddy', 'car', 'aunt', 'suzy', 'unbuttoned', 'shirt', 'took', 'bra', 'mommy', 'say', 'hmph', 'happened', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'daddy', 'aunt', 'suzy', 'started', 'doin', 'thing', 'uncle', 'roy', 'daddy', 'away', 'army']","['little', 'boy', 'come', 'home', 'school']","['mommy', 'say', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'well', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'cut', 'park', 'saw', 'daddy', 'car', 'aunt', 'suzy', 'unbuttoned', 'shirt', 'took', 'bra', 'mommy', 'say', 'hmph', 'let', 'save', 'rest', 'story', 'daddy', 'come', 'home', 'dinner', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'ok', 'mommy', 'daddy', 'come', 'home', 'dinner', 'mommy', 'say', 'little', 'boy', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'well', 'way', 'home', 'school', 'cut', 'park', 'saw', 'daddy', 'car', 'aunt', 'suzy', 'unbuttoned', 'shirt', 'took', 'bra', 'mommy', 'say', 'hmph', 'happened', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'daddy', 'aunt', 'suzy', 'started', 'doin', 'thing', 'uncle', 'roy', 'daddy', 'away', 'army', 'little', 'boy', 'come', 'home', 'school']",91
Re-tail.,2zk0sh,53,What's the perfect line of work for a lizard?,[],"['perfect', 'line', 'work', 'lizard']","['perfect', 'line', 'work', 'lizard']",4
Without a Penis.,2rgcdg,53,I like my woman like I like my Coffee.,"['without', 'penis']","['like', 'woman', 'like', 'like', 'coffee']","['without', 'penis', 'like', 'woman', 'like', 'like', 'coffee']",7
Cut the rope imsosorry:(,2k02x0,53,How do you get an emo out of a tree?,"['cut', 'rope', 'imsosorry']","['get', 'emo', 'tree']","['cut', 'rope', 'imsosorry', 'get', 'emo', 'tree']",6
A crime fighter.,2vk441,53,What do you call a black woman who's had 4 abortions?,"['crime', 'fighter']","['call', 'black', 'woman', 'abortion']","['crime', 'fighter', 'call', 'black', 'woman', 'abortion']",6
Snow boarding is fun as hell. ,5qll9y,53,Why do terrorists in Antarctica love being interrogated?,"['snow', 'boarding', 'fun', 'hell']","['terrorist', 'antarctica', 'love', 'interrogated']","['snow', 'boarding', 'fun', 'hell', 'terrorist', 'antarctica', 'love', 'interrogated']",8
"There, he sees his good friend Rene DesCartes wallowing in self pity, crying over a whiskey. 

""My dear friend,"" Newton says, ""whatever is the matter?""

""Ah, Isaac, tis terrible! My wife has been cheating on me!"" DesCartes bemoans, ""We are separating and I fear I shall never love again!""

""Nonsense!"" says Newton, ""Join me and we shall go have a romp at the brothel! Surely some woman of ill repute will catch your fancy!""

DesCartes considers, but returns to his drink; ""Sorry my dear friend, but I cannot find the passion within me. Will you stay here and keep me company?""

Newton sighs, knowing that his night is ruined, but knowing his friend is in need. ""Of course I shall stay my friend; sometimes you need to put DesCartes before the whores.""",2lbgtj,53,"Isaac Newton, being the big pimp Mack daddy he is, goes to the bar.","['see', 'good', 'friend', 'rene', 'descartes', 'wallowing', 'self', 'pity', 'cry', 'whiskey', 'dear', 'friend', 'newton', 'say', 'whatever', 'matter', 'ah', 'isaac', 'ti', 'terrible', 'wife', 'cheating', 'descartes', 'bemoans', 'separating', 'fear', 'shall', 'never', 'love', 'nonsense', 'say', 'newton', 'join', 'shall', 'go', 'romp', 'brothel', 'surely', 'woman', 'ill', 'repute', 'catch', 'fancy', 'descartes', 'considers', 'return', 'drink', 'sorry', 'dear', 'friend', 'find', 'passion', 'within', 'stay', 'keep', 'company', 'newton', 'sigh', 'knowing', 'night', 'ruined', 'knowing', 'friend', 'need', 'course', 'shall', 'stay', 'friend', 'sometimes', 'need', 'put', 'descartes', 'whore']","['isaac', 'newton', 'big', 'pimp', 'mack', 'daddy', 'go', 'bar']","['see', 'good', 'friend', 'rene', 'descartes', 'wallowing', 'self', 'pity', 'cry', 'whiskey', 'dear', 'friend', 'newton', 'say', 'whatever', 'matter', 'ah', 'isaac', 'ti', 'terrible', 'wife', 'cheating', 'descartes', 'bemoans', 'separating', 'fear', 'shall', 'never', 'love', 'nonsense', 'say', 'newton', 'join', 'shall', 'go', 'romp', 'brothel', 'surely', 'woman', 'ill', 'repute', 'catch', 'fancy', 'descartes', 'considers', 'return', 'drink', 'sorry', 'dear', 'friend', 'find', 'passion', 'within', 'stay', 'keep', 'company', 'newton', 'sigh', 'knowing', 'night', 'ruined', 'knowing', 'friend', 'need', 'course', 'shall', 'stay', 'friend', 'sometimes', 'need', 'put', 'descartes', 'whore', 'isaac', 'newton', 'big', 'pimp', 'mack', 'daddy', 'go', 'bar']",81
"Not ""Who are you and how did you get into my house‽""",4seg31,53,"When I make Breakfast all I want is a ""Thank You"",",['get'],"['make', 'breakfast', 'want', 'thank']","['get', 'make', 'breakfast', 'want', 'thank']",5
"and notices that there's an armless man bouncing and squirming in front of a urinal. He takes the only other urinal, which is right next to this odd armless fellow, and does his best to ignore him. The man pisses and the armless bounces. He finishes his buisness and begins to walk out when curiosity finally get the best of him. 

""Are you ok"" he asks

The armless man turns to him with a look of obvious distress on his face. ""I'm about to piss myself and as you can see I've got a little problem. I'm ridiculously embarrassed to ask, but I would be so grateful if you could help me out here""

""Uhhh..what kind of help"" the man asks

""Could you unzip my pants and pull my dick out so I can piss. You can see that I can do it myself and I'd be humiliated if I had to go back in the bar having pissed myself""

The man thinks for a second about how unfortunate this poor guy is. Maybe he's a wounded soldier or a victim of some terrible accident. He's definitely not too excited about touching another mans dick, but figures that the bathroom is empty so no one would probably know anyway.
""Sure"" he says and unzips the armless mans pants and pulls out his dick.

The armless man is euphoric at finally getting to piss, but our hero can't help but notice that the guys dick is absolutely disgusting. It's covered in oozing scabs and smells like zombie shit. As the armless man pisses, the man rushes to the sink to wash his hands.

""Wait"" says the armless man. ""I need you to help me put it back in. I can't walk out of here with my dick out""

The man is stunned. He doesn't want to touch the Worlds Ugliest Dick again, but again he thinks about what could have happened to this poor man and how humiliated he must be to have to ask for a strangers help with this. 

""Hurry up"" our hero says as he tries to tuck the quasimodo or dicks back into the crippled mans pants. Good deed completed, he rushes to the sink and begins scrubbing his hands as the armless man thanks him and starts to walk out.

""Wait"" the man says. ""I know this is pretty rude, but I've got to know....what the fuck is wrong with your dick""

The armless man pulls his arms out of his shirt and says ""Fuck if I know but I ain't touching it""
",3vcxl8,53,A man walks into a bathroom at a bar...,"['notice', 'armless', 'man', 'bouncing', 'squirming', 'front', 'urinal', 'take', 'urinal', 'right', 'next', 'odd', 'armless', 'fellow', 'best', 'ignore', 'man', 'piss', 'armless', 'bounce', 'finish', 'buisness', 'begin', 'walk', 'curiosity', 'finally', 'get', 'best', 'ok', 'asks', 'armless', 'man', 'turn', 'look', 'obvious', 'distress', 'face', 'piss', 'see', 'got', 'little', 'problem', 'ridiculously', 'embarrassed', 'ask', 'would', 'grateful', 'could', 'help', 'uhhh', 'kind', 'help', 'man', 'asks', 'could', 'unzip', 'pant', 'pull', 'dick', 'piss', 'see', 'humiliated', 'go', 'back', 'bar', 'pissed', 'man', 'think', 'second', 'unfortunate', 'poor', 'guy', 'maybe', 'wounded', 'soldier', 'victim', 'terrible', 'accident', 'definitely', 'excited', 'touching', 'another', 'man', 'dick', 'figure', 'bathroom', 'empty', 'one', 'would', 'probably', 'know', 'anyway', 'sure', 'say', 'unzips', 'armless', 'man', 'pant', 'pull', 'dick', 'armless', 'man', 'euphoric', 'finally', 'getting', 'piss', 'hero', 'ca', 'help', 'notice', 'guy', 'dick', 'absolutely', 'disgusting', 'covered', 'oozing', 'scab', 'smell', 'like', 'zombie', 'shit', 'armless', 'man', 'piss', 'man', 'rush', 'sink', 'wash', 'hand', 'wait', 'say', 'armless', 'man', 'need', 'help', 'put', 'back', 'ca', 'walk', 'dick', 'man', 'stunned', 'want', 'touch', 'world', 'ugliest', 'dick', 'think', 'could', 'happened', 'poor', 'man', 'humiliated', 'must', 'ask', 'stranger', 'help', 'hurry', 'hero', 'say', 'try', 'tuck', 'quasimodo', 'dick', 'back', 'crippled', 'man', 'pant', 'good', 'deed', 'completed', 'rush', 'sink', 'begin', 'scrubbing', 'hand', 'armless', 'man', 'thanks', 'start', 'walk', 'wait', 'man', 'say', 'know', 'pretty', 'rude', 'got', 'know', 'fuck', 'wrong', 'dick', 'armless', 'man', 'pull', 'arm', 'shirt', 'say', 'fuck', 'know', 'ai', 'touching']","['man', 'walk', 'bathroom', 'bar']","['notice', 'armless', 'man', 'bouncing', 'squirming', 'front', 'urinal', 'take', 'urinal', 'right', 'next', 'odd', 'armless', 'fellow', 'best', 'ignore', 'man', 'piss', 'armless', 'bounce', 'finish', 'buisness', 'begin', 'walk', 'curiosity', 'finally', 'get', 'best', 'ok', 'asks', 'armless', 'man', 'turn', 'look', 'obvious', 'distress', 'face', 'piss', 'see', 'got', 'little', 'problem', 'ridiculously', 'embarrassed', 'ask', 'would', 'grateful', 'could', 'help', 'uhhh', 'kind', 'help', 'man', 'asks', 'could', 'unzip', 'pant', 'pull', 'dick', 'piss', 'see', 'humiliated', 'go', 'back', 'bar', 'pissed', 'man', 'think', 'second', 'unfortunate', 'poor', 'guy', 'maybe', 'wounded', 'soldier', 'victim', 'terrible', 'accident', 'definitely', 'excited', 'touching', 'another', 'man', 'dick', 'figure', 'bathroom', 'empty', 'one', 'would', 'probably', 'know', 'anyway', 'sure', 'say', 'unzips', 'armless', 'man', 'pant', 'pull', 'dick', 'armless', 'man', 'euphoric', 'finally', 'getting', 'piss', 'hero', 'ca', 'help', 'notice', 'guy', 'dick', 'absolutely', 'disgusting', 'covered', 'oozing', 'scab', 'smell', 'like', 'zombie', 'shit', 'armless', 'man', 'piss', 'man', 'rush', 'sink', 'wash', 'hand', 'wait', 'say', 'armless', 'man', 'need', 'help', 'put', 'back', 'ca', 'walk', 'dick', 'man', 'stunned', 'want', 'touch', 'world', 'ugliest', 'dick', 'think', 'could', 'happened', 'poor', 'man', 'humiliated', 'must', 'ask', 'stranger', 'help', 'hurry', 'hero', 'say', 'try', 'tuck', 'quasimodo', 'dick', 'back', 'crippled', 'man', 'pant', 'good', 'deed', 'completed', 'rush', 'sink', 'begin', 'scrubbing', 'hand', 'armless', 'man', 'thanks', 'start', 'walk', 'wait', 'man', 'say', 'know', 'pretty', 'rude', 'got', 'know', 'fuck', 'wrong', 'dick', 'armless', 'man', 'pull', 'arm', 'shirt', 'say', 'fuck', 'know', 'ai', 'touching', 'man', 'walk', 'bathroom', 'bar']",206
Because they're so damn good at it,4u6onz,53,Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?,"['damn', 'good']","['see', 'elephant', 'hiding', 'tree']","['damn', 'good', 'see', 'elephant', 'hiding', 'tree']",6
"and walks up to the sales associate and says, ""I would like to buy the TV in the corner.""

The associate says, ""Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes.""

Furious, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair black. The next day, she returns to the store. She sees the same associate and says, ""I would like to buy the TV in the corner.""

He replies, ""Sorry ma'am we don't serve blondes here.""

Figuring the associate recognized her, the woman goes home and this time dyes her hair red. She returns to the store the following day. The previous associate isn't there and tells another associate, ""I would like to purchase the TV in the corner.""

The associate says, ""Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes here.""

The blonde says, ""You have never seen me before, how do you know I'm blonde?!""

He responds, ""That is not a TV, it's a microwave!""",1jl963,53,A blonde goes to a electronics store...,"['walk', 'sale', 'associate', 'say', 'would', 'like', 'buy', 'tv', 'corner', 'associate', 'say', 'sorry', 'serve', 'blonde', 'furious', 'blonde', 'go', 'home', 'dye', 'hair', 'black', 'next', 'day', 'return', 'store', 'see', 'associate', 'say', 'would', 'like', 'buy', 'tv', 'corner', 'reply', 'sorry', 'serve', 'blonde', 'figuring', 'associate', 'recognized', 'woman', 'go', 'home', 'time', 'dye', 'hair', 'red', 'return', 'store', 'following', 'day', 'previous', 'associate', 'tell', 'another', 'associate', 'would', 'like', 'purchase', 'tv', 'corner', 'associate', 'say', 'sorry', 'serve', 'blonde', 'blonde', 'say', 'never', 'seen', 'know', 'blonde', 'responds', 'tv', 'microwave']","['blonde', 'go', 'electronics', 'store']","['walk', 'sale', 'associate', 'say', 'would', 'like', 'buy', 'tv', 'corner', 'associate', 'say', 'sorry', 'serve', 'blonde', 'furious', 'blonde', 'go', 'home', 'dye', 'hair', 'black', 'next', 'day', 'return', 'store', 'see', 'associate', 'say', 'would', 'like', 'buy', 'tv', 'corner', 'reply', 'sorry', 'serve', 'blonde', 'figuring', 'associate', 'recognized', 'woman', 'go', 'home', 'time', 'dye', 'hair', 'red', 'return', 'store', 'following', 'day', 'previous', 'associate', 'tell', 'another', 'associate', 'would', 'like', 'purchase', 'tv', 'corner', 'associate', 'say', 'sorry', 'serve', 'blonde', 'blonde', 'say', 'never', 'seen', 'know', 'blonde', 'responds', 'tv', 'microwave', 'blonde', 'go', 'electronics', 'store']",79
Come in different colors.,2dzon3,53,What can jelly beans do that you can't?,"['come', 'different', 'color']","['jelly', 'bean', 'ca']","['come', 'different', 'color', 'jelly', 'bean', 'ca']",6
"A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that when pregnant, they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs.

So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, banged each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs, and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he was woken up by his wife shaking him and saying ""Wake up Dear, the pigs are acting strangely!"". ""What do you mean?"" he asked excitedly, ""Are they wallowing in the mud?"" ""No, "" she says, ""they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.""",1auia1,53,Farmer Dan,"['farmer', 'buy', 'several', 'pig', 'hoping', 'breed', 'ham', 'bacon', 'several', 'week', 'notice', 'none', 'pig', 'getting', 'pregnant', 'call', 'vet', 'help', 'vet', 'tell', 'farmer', 'try', 'artificial', 'insemination', 'farmer', 'slightest', 'idea', 'mean', 'wanting', 'display', 'ignorance', 'asks', 'vet', 'know', 'pig', 'pregnant', 'vet', 'tell', 'pregnant', 'stop', 'standing', 'around', 'instead', 'lay', 'wallow', 'mud', 'farmer', 'hang', 'give', 'thought', 'come', 'conclusion', 'artificial', 'insemination', 'mean', 'impregnate', 'pig', 'load', 'pig', 'truck', 'drive', 'wood', 'sex', 'brings', 'back', 'go', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'wake', 'look', 'pig', 'seeing', 'still', 'standing', 'around', 'concludes', 'first', 'try', 'take', 'load', 'truck', 'drive', 'wood', 'banged', 'pig', 'twice', 'good', 'measure', 'brings', 'back', 'go', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'wake', 'find', 'pig', 'still', 'standing', 'around', 'one', 'try', 'tell', 'proceeds', 'load', 'drive', 'wood', 'spends', 'day', 'shagging', 'pig', 'upon', 'returning', 'home', 'fall', 'listlessly', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'woken', 'wife', 'shaking', 'saying', 'wake', 'dear', 'pig', 'acting', 'strangely', 'mean', 'asked', 'excitedly', 'wallowing', 'mud', 'say', 'truck', 'one', 'honking', 'horn']","['farmer', 'dan']","['farmer', 'buy', 'several', 'pig', 'hoping', 'breed', 'ham', 'bacon', 'several', 'week', 'notice', 'none', 'pig', 'getting', 'pregnant', 'call', 'vet', 'help', 'vet', 'tell', 'farmer', 'try', 'artificial', 'insemination', 'farmer', 'slightest', 'idea', 'mean', 'wanting', 'display', 'ignorance', 'asks', 'vet', 'know', 'pig', 'pregnant', 'vet', 'tell', 'pregnant', 'stop', 'standing', 'around', 'instead', 'lay', 'wallow', 'mud', 'farmer', 'hang', 'give', 'thought', 'come', 'conclusion', 'artificial', 'insemination', 'mean', 'impregnate', 'pig', 'load', 'pig', 'truck', 'drive', 'wood', 'sex', 'brings', 'back', 'go', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'wake', 'look', 'pig', 'seeing', 'still', 'standing', 'around', 'concludes', 'first', 'try', 'take', 'load', 'truck', 'drive', 'wood', 'banged', 'pig', 'twice', 'good', 'measure', 'brings', 'back', 'go', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'wake', 'find', 'pig', 'still', 'standing', 'around', 'one', 'try', 'tell', 'proceeds', 'load', 'drive', 'wood', 'spends', 'day', 'shagging', 'pig', 'upon', 'returning', 'home', 'fall', 'listlessly', 'bed', 'next', 'morning', 'woken', 'wife', 'shaking', 'saying', 'wake', 'dear', 'pig', 'acting', 'strangely', 'mean', 'asked', 'excitedly', 'wallowing', 'mud', 'say', 'truck', 'one', 'honking', 'horn', 'farmer', 'dan']",141
But I just couldn't pitcher it. ,4s0i57,53,They told me to imagine a guy holding a jug full of water.,"['could', 'pitcher']","['told', 'imagine', 'guy', 'holding', 'jug', 'full', 'water']","['could', 'pitcher', 'told', 'imagine', 'guy', 'holding', 'jug', 'full', 'water']",9
"My cousin made a mistake telling this joke last night while out to eat with a bunch of family.
Cousin: ""this food is terrible. It tastes like ass""
Uncle: ""HA, how do you know what ass tastes like?""
He planned on saying something like ""I've been eating moms cooking for 18 years"" 
BUT
what came out was ""I've been eating moms for 18 years""

",2m6afy,53,"""I've been eating moms for 18 years""","['cousin', 'made', 'mistake', 'telling', 'joke', 'last', 'night', 'eat', 'bunch', 'family', 'cousin', 'food', 'terrible', 'taste', 'like', 'as', 'uncle', 'ha', 'know', 'as', 'taste', 'like', 'planned', 'saying', 'something', 'like', 'eating', 'mom', 'cooking', 'year', 'came', 'eating', 'mom', 'year']","['eating', 'mom', 'year']","['cousin', 'made', 'mistake', 'telling', 'joke', 'last', 'night', 'eat', 'bunch', 'family', 'cousin', 'food', 'terrible', 'taste', 'like', 'as', 'uncle', 'ha', 'know', 'as', 'taste', 'like', 'planned', 'saying', 'something', 'like', 'eating', 'mom', 'cooking', 'year', 'came', 'eating', 'mom', 'year', 'eating', 'mom', 'year']",37
Seemed like a good idea at the time but i've never driven a bus before...,3biq67,53,I was drinking at a bar so i took the bus home,"['seemed', 'like', 'good', 'idea', 'time', 'never', 'driven', 'bus']","['drinking', 'bar', 'took', 'bus', 'home']","['seemed', 'like', 'good', 'idea', 'time', 'never', 'driven', 'bus', 'drinking', 'bar', 'took', 'bus', 'home']",13
"A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

~ Infinite Jest, by DFW",1lbhi4,53,"What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?","['guy', 'stay', 'night', 'wondering', 'dog', 'infinite', 'jest', 'dfw']","['get', 'cross', 'philosopher', 'insomniac', 'dyslexic']","['guy', 'stay', 'night', 'wondering', 'dog', 'infinite', 'jest', 'dfw', 'get', 'cross', 'philosopher', 'insomniac', 'dyslexic']",13
The discrimination.,33vx7v,53,What's the hardest part of being a gay black cop?,['discrimination'],"['hardest', 'part', 'gay', 'black', 'cop']","['discrimination', 'hardest', 'part', 'gay', 'black', 'cop']",6
Nobody reads the articles...,4nebr5,53,Reddit is like Playboy,"['nobody', 'read', 'article']","['reddit', 'like', 'playboy']","['nobody', 'read', 'article', 'reddit', 'like', 'playboy']",6
He couldn't remove three nails to save his life,36448c,53,Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?,"['could', 'remove', 'three', 'nail', 'save', 'life']","['jesus', 'bad', 'carpenter']","['could', 'remove', 'three', 'nail', 'save', 'life', 'jesus', 'bad', 'carpenter']",9
"An old lady sat on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appeared and informed her that she would be granted three wishes.
 
Well, now,” said the old lady, ”I guess I would like to be really rich.”
*POOF* Her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

”And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”
*POOF* She turned into a beautiful young woman.


”Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wandered across the porch in front of them. ”Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asked.
*POOF*

And there before her stood a young man more handsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. She stared at him, smitten. With a smile that made her knees weak, he sauntered across the porch and whispered in her ear, 

”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”",2hee96,53,An old lady received 3 wishes...,"['old', 'lady', 'sat', 'front', 'porch', 'rocking', 'away', 'last', 'day', 'long', 'life', 'sudden', 'fairy', 'godmother', 'appeared', 'informed', 'would', 'granted', 'three', 'wish', 'well', 'said', 'old', 'lady', 'guess', 'would', 'like', 'really', 'poof', 'rocking', 'chair', 'turned', 'solid', 'gold', 'gee', 'guess', 'mind', 'young', 'beautiful', 'poof', 'turned', 'beautiful', 'young', 'woman', 'third', 'wish', 'asked', 'fairy', 'godmother', 'old', 'woman', 'cat', 'wandered', 'across', 'porch', 'front', 'ooh', 'change', 'handsome', 'prince', 'asked', 'poof', 'stood', 'young', 'man', 'handsome', 'anyone', 'could', 'possibly', 'imagined', 'stared', 'smitten', 'smile', 'made', 'knee', 'weak', 'sauntered', 'across', 'porch', 'whispered', 'ear', 'bet', 'sorry', 'neutered']","['old', 'lady', 'received', 'wish']","['old', 'lady', 'sat', 'front', 'porch', 'rocking', 'away', 'last', 'day', 'long', 'life', 'sudden', 'fairy', 'godmother', 'appeared', 'informed', 'would', 'granted', 'three', 'wish', 'well', 'said', 'old', 'lady', 'guess', 'would', 'like', 'really', 'poof', 'rocking', 'chair', 'turned', 'solid', 'gold', 'gee', 'guess', 'mind', 'young', 'beautiful', 'poof', 'turned', 'beautiful', 'young', 'woman', 'third', 'wish', 'asked', 'fairy', 'godmother', 'old', 'woman', 'cat', 'wandered', 'across', 'porch', 'front', 'ooh', 'change', 'handsome', 'prince', 'asked', 'poof', 'stood', 'young', 'man', 'handsome', 'anyone', 'could', 'possibly', 'imagined', 'stared', 'smitten', 'smile', 'made', 'knee', 'weak', 'sauntered', 'across', 'porch', 'whispered', 'ear', 'bet', 'sorry', 'neutered', 'old', 'lady', 'received', 'wish']",88
Coo.,4muscj,53,What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?,['coo'],"['pigeon', 'say', 'friend', 'landed', 'sick', 'flip']","['coo', 'pigeon', 'say', 'friend', 'landed', 'sick', 'flip']",7
very little,3kqsze,53,What do Dwarfs and Midgets have in common?,['little'],"['dwarf', 'midget', 'common']","['little', 'dwarf', 'midget', 'common']",4
I'll be home in 20 minutes.,4ulwc9,53,What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex?,"['home', 'minute']","['bill', 'clinton', 'say', 'hillary', 'sex']","['home', 'minute', 'bill', 'clinton', 'say', 'hillary', 'sex']",7
"A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, ""It's my husband, you have to leave!"" The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman, ""Wait, I'm your husband!"" She replies giving him a dirty look, ""So why did you run?""",4i4yiy,53,"A man and a woman are sleeping together,","['man', 'woman', 'sleeping', 'together', 'suddenly', 'noise', 'house', 'woman', 'roll', 'say', 'husband', 'leave', 'man', 'jump', 'bed', 'jump', 'window', 'crawl', 'bush', 'street', 'realizes', 'something', 'go', 'back', 'house', 'say', 'woman', 'wait', 'husband', 'reply', 'giving', 'dirty', 'look', 'run']","['man', 'woman', 'sleeping', 'together']","['man', 'woman', 'sleeping', 'together', 'suddenly', 'noise', 'house', 'woman', 'roll', 'say', 'husband', 'leave', 'man', 'jump', 'bed', 'jump', 'window', 'crawl', 'bush', 'street', 'realizes', 'something', 'go', 'back', 'house', 'say', 'woman', 'wait', 'husband', 'reply', 'giving', 'dirty', 'look', 'run', 'man', 'woman', 'sleeping', 'together']",38
"Eggs get laid. 
",4y4vfm,53,What's the difference between redditors and eggs?,"['egg', 'get', 'laid']","['difference', 'redditors', 'egg']","['egg', 'get', 'laid', 'difference', 'redditors', 'egg']",6
a navel..,1e7hhi,53,What's between an old woman's breasts that's not between a young woman's breasts?,['navel'],"['old', 'woman', 'breast', 'young', 'woman', 'breast']","['navel', 'old', 'woman', 'breast', 'young', 'woman', 'breast']",7
I never make the same mistake twice.,5rlorg,53,"My wife always asks me: if she dies, will I remarry? And I say don't be silly honey...","['never', 'make', 'mistake', 'twice']","['wife', 'always', 'asks', 'dy', 'remarry', 'say', 'silly', 'honey']","['never', 'make', 'mistake', 'twice', 'wife', 'always', 'asks', 'dy', 'remarry', 'say', 'silly', 'honey']",12
Poverty can't buy *Anything*,4gipxd,53,Money can't buy happiness...,"['poverty', 'ca', 'buy', 'anything']","['money', 'ca', 'buy', 'happiness']","['poverty', 'ca', 'buy', 'anything', 'money', 'ca', 'buy', 'happiness']",8
I guess you can say I'm getting my shit together again.,38tlf1,53,Been experiencing bad diarrhea for 2 years and finally getting some medication,"['guess', 'say', 'getting', 'shit', 'together']","['experiencing', 'bad', 'diarrhea', 'year', 'finally', 'getting', 'medication']","['guess', 'say', 'getting', 'shit', 'together', 'experiencing', 'bad', 'diarrhea', 'year', 'finally', 'getting', 'medication']",12
"Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 

'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...' 'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks thank you.' 

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! . I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'

'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.",4zlu2s,53,Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.,"['finally', 'sick', 'stress', 'quits', 'job', 'buy', 'acre', 'land', 'hill', 'tasmania', 'far', 'humanity', 'possible', 'see', 'postman', 'week', 'get', 'grocery', 'month', 'otherwise', 'total', 'peace', 'quiet', 'six', 'month', 'almost', 'total', 'isolation', 'someone', 'knock', 'door', 'open', 'huge', 'bearded', 'man', 'standing', 'cliff', 'neighbor', 'forty', 'mile', 'road', 'christmas', 'party', 'friday', 'night', 'thought', 'might', 'like', 'come', 'say', 'tom', 'six', 'month', 'ready', 'meet', 'local', 'folk', 'thank', 'cliff', 'leaving', 'stop', 'got', 'ta', 'warn', 'drinking', 'problem', 'say', 'tom', 'year', 'business', 'drink', 'best', 'big', 'man', 'start', 'leave', 'stop', 'likely', 'gon', 'na', 'fighting', 'get', 'along', 'people', 'right', 'thanks', 'likely', 'wild', 'sex', 'really', 'problem', 'say', 'tom', 'warming', 'idea', 'alone', 'six', 'month', 'definitely', 'way', 'wear', 'much', 'matter', 'gon', 'na', 'two', 'u']","['tom', 'police', 'work', 'year']","['finally', 'sick', 'stress', 'quits', 'job', 'buy', 'acre', 'land', 'hill', 'tasmania', 'far', 'humanity', 'possible', 'see', 'postman', 'week', 'get', 'grocery', 'month', 'otherwise', 'total', 'peace', 'quiet', 'six', 'month', 'almost', 'total', 'isolation', 'someone', 'knock', 'door', 'open', 'huge', 'bearded', 'man', 'standing', 'cliff', 'neighbor', 'forty', 'mile', 'road', 'christmas', 'party', 'friday', 'night', 'thought', 'might', 'like', 'come', 'say', 'tom', 'six', 'month', 'ready', 'meet', 'local', 'folk', 'thank', 'cliff', 'leaving', 'stop', 'got', 'ta', 'warn', 'drinking', 'problem', 'say', 'tom', 'year', 'business', 'drink', 'best', 'big', 'man', 'start', 'leave', 'stop', 'likely', 'gon', 'na', 'fighting', 'get', 'along', 'people', 'right', 'thanks', 'likely', 'wild', 'sex', 'really', 'problem', 'say', 'tom', 'warming', 'idea', 'alone', 'six', 'month', 'definitely', 'way', 'wear', 'much', 'matter', 'gon', 'na', 'two', 'u', 'tom', 'police', 'work', 'year']",111
"Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says ""See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!""

The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling ""Nah na nah na nah"". 

The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. ""See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!""

Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says ""You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"" 

The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl ""Well, what do you have to say NOW?"" 

So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says ""My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!""",39j4tc,53,The Difference Between Boys and Girls,"['every', 'day', 'grade', 'boy', 'walk', 'home', 'school', 'past', 'grade', 'girl', 'house', 'one', 'day', 'stop', 'taunt', 'little', 'girl', 'hold', 'football', 'say', 'see', 'football', 'football', 'boy', 'game', 'girl', 'ca', 'one', 'little', 'girl', 'run', 'house', 'cry', 'tell', 'mother', 'encounter', 'run', 'buy', 'girl', 'football', 'next', 'day', 'boy', 'riding', 'home', 'bike', 'girl', 'show', 'football', 'yelling', 'nah', 'na', 'nah', 'na', 'nah', 'little', 'boy', 'get', 'mad', 'point', 'bike', 'see', 'bike', 'boy', 'bike', 'girl', 'ca', 'next', 'day', 'boy', 'come', 'little', 'girl', 'riding', 'new', 'boy', 'bike', 'really', 'mad', 'drop', 'pant', 'point', 'private', 'part', 'say', 'see', 'boy', 'mother', 'ca', 'go', 'buy', 'one', 'next', 'day', 'pass', 'house', 'asks', 'little', 'girl', 'well', 'say', 'pull', 'dress', 'point', 'private', 'part', 'say', 'mother', 'told', 'long', 'one', 'many', 'want']","['difference', 'boy', 'girl']","['every', 'day', 'grade', 'boy', 'walk', 'home', 'school', 'past', 'grade', 'girl', 'house', 'one', 'day', 'stop', 'taunt', 'little', 'girl', 'hold', 'football', 'say', 'see', 'football', 'football', 'boy', 'game', 'girl', 'ca', 'one', 'little', 'girl', 'run', 'house', 'cry', 'tell', 'mother', 'encounter', 'run', 'buy', 'girl', 'football', 'next', 'day', 'boy', 'riding', 'home', 'bike', 'girl', 'show', 'football', 'yelling', 'nah', 'na', 'nah', 'na', 'nah', 'little', 'boy', 'get', 'mad', 'point', 'bike', 'see', 'bike', 'boy', 'bike', 'girl', 'ca', 'next', 'day', 'boy', 'come', 'little', 'girl', 'riding', 'new', 'boy', 'bike', 'really', 'mad', 'drop', 'pant', 'point', 'private', 'part', 'say', 'see', 'boy', 'mother', 'ca', 'go', 'buy', 'one', 'next', 'day', 'pass', 'house', 'asks', 'little', 'girl', 'well', 'say', 'pull', 'dress', 'point', 'private', 'part', 'say', 'mother', 'told', 'long', 'one', 'many', 'want', 'difference', 'boy', 'girl']",116
OP will not deliver,3e0zi2,53,"I should start a pizza place called original pizza, abreviated OP and it will only have take out.","['op', 'deliver']","['start', 'pizza', 'place', 'called', 'original', 'pizza', 'abreviated', 'op', 'take']","['op', 'deliver', 'start', 'pizza', 'place', 'called', 'original', 'pizza', 'abreviated', 'op', 'take']",11
"Comes across a small village with no modern technology. It's starting to get dark so he asks a villager if he can stay the night. The villager agrees.

As the night goes on, the man gets bored and asks the villager if there is any way he can have a good time. *Wink wink*

The villager says ""well there is Sven"". The man thinks to himself ""I'm not gay, but what the hell"" and asks how much for Sven. To which the villager replies 400 euros.

The man says ""wow that's alot! Sven must be very talented!"" The villager replies ""Well 100 goes to me because it's my house and I don't really like it happening""

The man says ""well 300 euros is still pretty good for Sven."" The villager says ""Not exactly. 100 goes to the mayor. Because it's his village and he doesn't really like it happening""

The man says ""200 euros still sounds like Sven is doing pretty good."" The villager responds ""Well no, the other 200 goes to Oleg and Frank"". The man is confused and  asks why those two get the remaining 200. 

The villager says ""well its for holding him down. Because it's Sven's ass and he doesn't really like it happening.""",41pbg4,53,A man backpacking in Europe...,"['come', 'across', 'small', 'village', 'modern', 'technology', 'starting', 'get', 'dark', 'asks', 'villager', 'stay', 'night', 'villager', 'agrees', 'night', 'go', 'man', 'get', 'bored', 'asks', 'villager', 'way', 'good', 'time', 'wink', 'wink', 'villager', 'say', 'well', 'sven', 'man', 'think', 'gay', 'hell', 'asks', 'much', 'sven', 'villager', 'reply', 'euro', 'man', 'say', 'wow', 'alot', 'sven', 'must', 'talented', 'villager', 'reply', 'well', 'go', 'house', 'really', 'like', 'happening', 'man', 'say', 'well', 'euro', 'still', 'pretty', 'good', 'sven', 'villager', 'say', 'exactly', 'go', 'mayor', 'village', 'really', 'like', 'happening', 'man', 'say', 'euro', 'still', 'sound', 'like', 'sven', 'pretty', 'good', 'villager', 'responds', 'well', 'go', 'oleg', 'frank', 'man', 'confused', 'asks', 'two', 'get', 'remaining', 'villager', 'say', 'well', 'holding', 'sven', 'as', 'really', 'like', 'happening']","['man', 'backpacking', 'europe']","['come', 'across', 'small', 'village', 'modern', 'technology', 'starting', 'get', 'dark', 'asks', 'villager', 'stay', 'night', 'villager', 'agrees', 'night', 'go', 'man', 'get', 'bored', 'asks', 'villager', 'way', 'good', 'time', 'wink', 'wink', 'villager', 'say', 'well', 'sven', 'man', 'think', 'gay', 'hell', 'asks', 'much', 'sven', 'villager', 'reply', 'euro', 'man', 'say', 'wow', 'alot', 'sven', 'must', 'talented', 'villager', 'reply', 'well', 'go', 'house', 'really', 'like', 'happening', 'man', 'say', 'well', 'euro', 'still', 'pretty', 'good', 'sven', 'villager', 'say', 'exactly', 'go', 'mayor', 'village', 'really', 'like', 'happening', 'man', 'say', 'euro', 'still', 'sound', 'like', 'sven', 'pretty', 'good', 'villager', 'responds', 'well', 'go', 'oleg', 'frank', 'man', 'confused', 'asks', 'two', 'get', 'remaining', 'villager', 'say', 'well', 'holding', 'sven', 'as', 'really', 'like', 'happening', 'man', 'backpacking', 'europe']",106
"After your done munching on the breasts and thighs, you have a nice greasy box to put your bone in",4qvmq1,53,How are women like KFC?,"['done', 'munching', 'breast', 'thigh', 'nice', 'greasy', 'box', 'put', 'bone']","['woman', 'like', 'kfc']","['done', 'munching', 'breast', 'thigh', 'nice', 'greasy', 'box', 'put', 'bone', 'woman', 'like', 'kfc']",12
He sold his soul to Santa,3ip45o,53,Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?,"['sold', 'soul', 'santa']","['hear', 'dyslexic', 'satanist']","['sold', 'soul', 'santa', 'hear', 'dyslexic', 'satanist']",6
Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :(,39rq4r,53,TIFU by sleeping with my Crush,"['orange', 'soda', 'bed']","['tifu', 'sleeping', 'crush']","['orange', 'soda', 'bed', 'tifu', 'sleeping', 'crush']",6
"Teacher: ""Kids,what does the chicken give you?""
Student: ""Meat!""
Teacher: ""Very good! Now what does the pig give you?""
Student: ""Bacon!""
Teacher: ""Great! And what does the fat cow give you?""
Student: ""Homework!""",2fsco4,53,joke - Daily dose of laughter.,"['teacher', 'kid', 'chicken', 'give', 'student', 'meat', 'teacher', 'good', 'pig', 'give', 'student', 'bacon', 'teacher', 'great', 'fat', 'cow', 'give', 'student', 'homework']","['joke', 'daily', 'dose', 'laughter']","['teacher', 'kid', 'chicken', 'give', 'student', 'meat', 'teacher', 'good', 'pig', 'give', 'student', 'bacon', 'teacher', 'great', 'fat', 'cow', 'give', 'student', 'homework', 'joke', 'daily', 'dose', 'laughter']",23
"A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ years old man walking past.
She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, ""hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?""
The old man said, ""but I won't be able to...""
Prostitute: ""c'mon man.... give it a try... ""
Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his 8 incher and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes.
When he's done, the prostitute all exhausted and tired says, ""but you said you won't be able to....""
""...pay you"" replied the old man.",4uqyb3,53,Old man and the prostitute [NSFW],"['prostitute', 'standing', 'outside', 'motel', 'small', 'town', 'saw', 'year', 'old', 'man', 'walking', 'past', 'customer', 'whistle', 'say', 'hey', 'would', 'like', 'fun', 'time', 'old', 'man', 'said', 'wo', 'able', 'prostitute', 'man', 'give', 'try', 'old', 'man', 'say', 'okay', 'go', 'old', 'man', 'whip', 'incher', 'fuck', 'daylight', 'minute', 'done', 'prostitute', 'exhausted', 'tired', 'say', 'said', 'wo', 'able', 'pay', 'replied', 'old', 'man']","['old', 'man', 'prostitute', 'nsfw']","['prostitute', 'standing', 'outside', 'motel', 'small', 'town', 'saw', 'year', 'old', 'man', 'walking', 'past', 'customer', 'whistle', 'say', 'hey', 'would', 'like', 'fun', 'time', 'old', 'man', 'said', 'wo', 'able', 'prostitute', 'man', 'give', 'try', 'old', 'man', 'say', 'okay', 'go', 'old', 'man', 'whip', 'incher', 'fuck', 'daylight', 'minute', 'done', 'prostitute', 'exhausted', 'tired', 'say', 'said', 'wo', 'able', 'pay', 'replied', 'old', 'man', 'old', 'man', 'prostitute', 'nsfw']",57
My dad was holding me from behind...,33yhr8,53,My first time having sex was like my first time riding a bike...,"['dad', 'holding', 'behind']","['first', 'time', 'sex', 'like', 'first', 'time', 'riding', 'bike']","['dad', 'holding', 'behind', 'first', 'time', 'sex', 'like', 'first', 'time', 'riding', 'bike']",11
If we don't get some support they're going to think we're nuts! ,2cc96d,53,What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?,"['get', 'support', 'going', 'think', 'nut']","['one', 'saggy', 'boob', 'say', 'saggy', 'boob']","['get', 'support', 'going', 'think', 'nut', 'one', 'saggy', 'boob', 'say', 'saggy', 'boob']",11
"...and meets Saint Peter. She says, ""I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here.""

Saint Peter asks, ""What's his name?""

She answers, ""Smith.""

Saint Peter replies, ""I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?""

She responds, ""His name is John Smith.""

Saint Peter says, ""I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?""

She answers, ""He's got red hair.""

He replies, ""I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?""

She responds, ""Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!""

Saint Peter says, ""Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!""",265pe2,53,A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates...,"['meet', 'saint', 'peter', 'say', 'supposed', 'look', 'husband', 'got', 'saint', 'peter', 'asks', 'name', 'answer', 'smith', 'saint', 'peter', 'reply', 'got', 'hundred', 'thousand', 'smith', 'could', 'narrow', 'little', 'responds', 'name', 'john', 'smith', 'saint', 'peter', 'say', 'got', 'thousand', 'john', 'smith', 'could', 'narrow', 'little', 'answer', 'got', 'red', 'hair', 'reply', 'hundred', 'red', 'haired', 'john', 'smith', 'could', 'narrow', 'little', 'responds', 'well', 'told', 'always', 'remain', 'faithful', 'memory', 'else', 'roll', 'grave', 'saint', 'peter', 'say', 'oh', 'mean', 'pinwheel', 'smith']","['woman', 'arrives', 'pearly', 'gate']","['meet', 'saint', 'peter', 'say', 'supposed', 'look', 'husband', 'got', 'saint', 'peter', 'asks', 'name', 'answer', 'smith', 'saint', 'peter', 'reply', 'got', 'hundred', 'thousand', 'smith', 'could', 'narrow', 'little', 'responds', 'name', 'john', 'smith', 'saint', 'peter', 'say', 'got', 'thousand', 'john', 'smith', 'could', 'narrow', 'little', 'answer', 'got', 'red', 'hair', 'reply', 'hundred', 'red', 'haired', 'john', 'smith', 'could', 'narrow', 'little', 'responds', 'well', 'told', 'always', 'remain', 'faithful', 'memory', 'else', 'roll', 'grave', 'saint', 'peter', 'say', 'oh', 'mean', 'pinwheel', 'smith', 'woman', 'arrives', 'pearly', 'gate']",72
Roll up her sleeve.,4lqy4v,53,What's the best way to get a Jewish girl's number?,"['roll', 'sleeve']","['best', 'way', 'get', 'jewish', 'girl', 'number']","['roll', 'sleeve', 'best', 'way', 'get', 'jewish', 'girl', 'number']",8
Machines’ reflective glass surface not doing the trick.,1uowgb,53,U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices.,"['machine', 'reflective', 'glass', 'surface', 'trick']","['vending', 'machine', 'begin', 'displaying', 'calorie', 'information', 'encourage', 'smarter', 'snack', 'choice']","['machine', 'reflective', 'glass', 'surface', 'trick', 'vending', 'machine', 'begin', 'displaying', 'calorie', 'information', 'encourage', 'smarter', 'snack', 'choice']",15
"A Man walks into an Irish Bar, that was full of Irish Men. He goes to the bartender and asks for a beer.
Whilst his beer is being poured a man in the bar stands up and says
""42"".
Everyone starts laughing. The man ignores it.
He takes a sip of his beer.
Another man stands up and says
""62"". Everyone is laughing again.
The man asks the bartender 
""What going on.""
The bartender says ""Well, instead of saying the jokes, we number them. How about you give it a try""
""Oh alright"" The man stands up and says
""94"".
Everyone is laughing so hard, falling of chairs crying from laughter.
The man says to the bartender ""Why was that so funny?""
""We haven't heard that one before""",2npxr1,53,A Man walks into a irish bar,"['man', 'walk', 'irish', 'bar', 'full', 'irish', 'men', 'go', 'bartender', 'asks', 'beer', 'whilst', 'beer', 'poured', 'man', 'bar', 'stand', 'say', 'everyone', 'start', 'laughing', 'man', 'ignores', 'take', 'sip', 'beer', 'another', 'man', 'stand', 'say', 'everyone', 'laughing', 'man', 'asks', 'bartender', 'going', 'bartender', 'say', 'well', 'instead', 'saying', 'joke', 'number', 'give', 'try', 'oh', 'alright', 'man', 'stand', 'say', 'everyone', 'laughing', 'hard', 'falling', 'chair', 'cry', 'laughter', 'man', 'say', 'bartender', 'funny', 'heard', 'one']","['man', 'walk', 'irish', 'bar']","['man', 'walk', 'irish', 'bar', 'full', 'irish', 'men', 'go', 'bartender', 'asks', 'beer', 'whilst', 'beer', 'poured', 'man', 'bar', 'stand', 'say', 'everyone', 'start', 'laughing', 'man', 'ignores', 'take', 'sip', 'beer', 'another', 'man', 'stand', 'say', 'everyone', 'laughing', 'man', 'asks', 'bartender', 'going', 'bartender', 'say', 'well', 'instead', 'saying', 'joke', 'number', 'give', 'try', 'oh', 'alright', 'man', 'stand', 'say', 'everyone', 'laughing', 'hard', 'falling', 'chair', 'cry', 'laughter', 'man', 'say', 'bartender', 'funny', 'heard', 'one', 'man', 'walk', 'irish', 'bar']",67
"...they laughed at me, wait 'till they hear one of my jokes on tv, they won't be laughing then!",1l08dm,53,When I told my friends that I'm writing jokes for a living...,"['laughed', 'wait', 'hear', 'one', 'joke', 'tv', 'wo', 'laughing']","['told', 'friend', 'writing', 'joke', 'living']","['laughed', 'wait', 'hear', 'one', 'joke', 'tv', 'wo', 'laughing', 'told', 'friend', 'writing', 'joke', 'living']",13
"Jill tells her husband, ""Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. 

Now, why can't you do that?"" 

""Gosh,"" Jack says, ""why I hardly know the girl.""
[Source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=161#mainBody)",2kp2ry,53,WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE THAT?,"['jill', 'tell', 'husband', 'jack', 'young', 'couple', 'moved', 'next', 'door', 'seem', 'loving', 'twosome', 'every', 'morning', 'leaf', 'house', 'kiss', 'goodbye', 'every', 'evening', 'come', 'home', 'brings', 'dozen', 'rose', 'ca', 'gosh', 'jack', 'say', 'hardly', 'know', 'girl', 'source', 'http', 'mainbody']","['ca', 'like']","['jill', 'tell', 'husband', 'jack', 'young', 'couple', 'moved', 'next', 'door', 'seem', 'loving', 'twosome', 'every', 'morning', 'leaf', 'house', 'kiss', 'goodbye', 'every', 'evening', 'come', 'home', 'brings', 'dozen', 'rose', 'ca', 'gosh', 'jack', 'say', 'hardly', 'know', 'girl', 'source', 'http', 'mainbody', 'ca', 'like']",37
"A China-man decides to retire and move to USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land.

A few days after moving in the friendly American neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the China-man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and see the China-man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the China-man leading a bull down the drive-way, ...pause..., and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The American bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the China-man and says, ""Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.""

The China man is very taken back and says, ""Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs. I doing, these American Customs."" 

""What do you mean?"" says the neighbour, ""Those aren't American customs.""

Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me' replied the China-man, ""He say to become true American, I must learn to... chase chicks, ... get piss drunk, and ... listen to bull-shit.",3aatrt,53,American Customs,"['decides', 'retire', 'move', 'usa', 'year', 'living', 'shanghai', 'bought', 'home', 'small', 'piece', 'land', 'day', 'moving', 'friendly', 'american', 'neighbour', 'decides', 'go', 'across', 'welcome', 'new', 'guy', 'region', 'go', 'next', 'door', 'way', 'see', 'running', 'around', 'front', 'yard', 'chasing', 'hen', 'wanting', 'interrupt', 'custom', 'decides', 'put', 'welcome', 'hold', 'day', 'next', 'day', 'decides', 'try', 'knock', 'front', 'door', 'look', 'window', 'see', 'urinate', 'glass', 'drink', 'wanting', 'interrupt', 'another', 'custom', 'decides', 'put', 'welcome', 'hold', 'yet', 'another', 'day', 'day', 'later', 'decides', 'give', 'one', 'last', 'go', 'way', 'next', 'door', 'see', 'leading', 'bull', 'pause', 'put', 'left', 'ear', 'next', 'bull', 'butt', 'american', 'bloke', 'ca', 'handle', 'go', 'say', 'jeez', 'mate', 'hell', 'chinese', 'custom', 'come', 'welcome', 'neighbourhood', 'see', 'running', 'around', 'yard', 'hen', 'next', 'day', 'pissing', 'glass', 'drinking', 'today', 'head', 'close', 'bull', 'butt', 'could', 'shit', 'china', 'man', 'taken', 'back', 'say', 'sorry', 'sir', 'understand', 'chinese', 'custom', 'american', 'custom', 'mean', 'say', 'neighbour', 'american', 'custom', 'yes', 'man', 'travel', 'agent', 'tell', 'replied', 'say', 'become', 'true', 'american', 'must', 'learn', 'chase', 'chick', 'get', 'piss', 'drunk', 'listen']","['american', 'custom']","['decides', 'retire', 'move', 'usa', 'year', 'living', 'shanghai', 'bought', 'home', 'small', 'piece', 'land', 'day', 'moving', 'friendly', 'american', 'neighbour', 'decides', 'go', 'across', 'welcome', 'new', 'guy', 'region', 'go', 'next', 'door', 'way', 'see', 'running', 'around', 'front', 'yard', 'chasing', 'hen', 'wanting', 'interrupt', 'custom', 'decides', 'put', 'welcome', 'hold', 'day', 'next', 'day', 'decides', 'try', 'knock', 'front', 'door', 'look', 'window', 'see', 'urinate', 'glass', 'drink', 'wanting', 'interrupt', 'another', 'custom', 'decides', 'put', 'welcome', 'hold', 'yet', 'another', 'day', 'day', 'later', 'decides', 'give', 'one', 'last', 'go', 'way', 'next', 'door', 'see', 'leading', 'bull', 'pause', 'put', 'left', 'ear', 'next', 'bull', 'butt', 'american', 'bloke', 'ca', 'handle', 'go', 'say', 'jeez', 'mate', 'hell', 'chinese', 'custom', 'come', 'welcome', 'neighbourhood', 'see', 'running', 'around', 'yard', 'hen', 'next', 'day', 'pissing', 'glass', 'drinking', 'today', 'head', 'close', 'bull', 'butt', 'could', 'shit', 'china', 'man', 'taken', 'back', 'say', 'sorry', 'sir', 'understand', 'chinese', 'custom', 'american', 'custom', 'mean', 'say', 'neighbour', 'american', 'custom', 'yes', 'man', 'travel', 'agent', 'tell', 'replied', 'say', 'become', 'true', 'american', 'must', 'learn', 'chase', 'chick', 'get', 'piss', 'drunk', 'listen', 'american', 'custom']",155
You don't want to look down. ,2l4j60,53,What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head?,"['want', 'look']","['similarity', 'tight', 'rope', 'walking', 'old', 'lady', 'giving', 'head']","['want', 'look', 'similarity', 'tight', 'rope', 'walking', 'old', 'lady', 'giving', 'head']",10
Hut.,39gsi2,53,Reddit admins once ate a whole Pizza,['hut'],"['reddit', 'admins', 'ate', 'whole', 'pizza']","['hut', 'reddit', 'admins', 'ate', 'whole', 'pizza']",6
"A bloke was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. 
He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one 
of the horses lining up for the 4th race. 

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. 
Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
 
The bloke made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small 
bet on the horse.  Again, even though it was another long shot, the 
horse won the race.

He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest 
would bless next. 
 
He bet big on it, and it won.  As the races continued the Priest kept blessing 
long shots, and each one ended up winning. 
 
The punter was elated.  He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his 
savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse 
to bet on.
 
True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and 
blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. 
 
This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.  The 
punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. 
 
He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last.  In a state of shock, 
he went to the track area where the Priest was.
 
Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father!  What happened?  All day long 
you blessed horses and they all won.  Then in the last race, the horse you 
blessed lost by a mile.  Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!' 
The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.
 
'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the 
difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
",2vvbwh,53,CATHOLIC HORSES,"['bloke', 'horse', 'race', 'playing', 'pony', 'losing', 'shirt', 'noticed', 'priest', 'step', 'onto', 'track', 'blessed', 'forehead', 'one', 'horse', 'lining', 'race', 'lo', 'behold', 'horse', 'long', 'shot', 'race', 'next', 'race', 'horse', 'lined', 'priest', 'stepped', 'onto', 'track', 'sure', 'enough', 'blessed', 'one', 'horse', 'bloke', 'made', 'beeline', 'betting', 'window', 'placed', 'small', 'bet', 'horse', 'even', 'though', 'another', 'long', 'shot', 'horse', 'race', 'collected', 'winning', 'anxiously', 'waited', 'see', 'horse', 'priest', 'would', 'bless', 'next', 'bet', 'big', 'race', 'continued', 'priest', 'kept', 'blessing', 'long', 'shot', 'one', 'ended', 'winning', 'punter', 'elated', 'made', 'quick', 'dash', 'atm', 'withdrew', 'saving', 'awaited', 'priest', 'blessing', 'would', 'tell', 'horse', 'bet', 'true', 'pattern', 'priest', 'stepped', 'onto', 'track', 'last', 'race', 'blessed', 'forehead', 'old', 'nag', 'longest', 'shot', 'day', 'time', 'priest', 'blessed', 'eye', 'ear', 'hoof', 'old', 'nag', 'punter', 'knew', 'winner', 'bet', 'every', 'cent', 'owned', 'old', 'nag', 'watched', 'dumbfounded', 'old', 'nag', 'came', 'last', 'state', 'shock', 'went', 'track', 'area', 'priest', 'confronting', 'demanded', 'happened', 'day', 'long', 'blessed', 'horse', 'last', 'race', 'horse', 'blessed', 'lost', 'mile', 'thanks', 'lost', 'every', 'cent', 'saving', 'priest', 'nodded', 'wisely', 'sympathy', 'said', 'problem', 'protestant', 'ca', 'tell', 'difference', 'simple', 'blessing', 'last', 'rite']","['catholic', 'horse']","['bloke', 'horse', 'race', 'playing', 'pony', 'losing', 'shirt', 'noticed', 'priest', 'step', 'onto', 'track', 'blessed', 'forehead', 'one', 'horse', 'lining', 'race', 'lo', 'behold', 'horse', 'long', 'shot', 'race', 'next', 'race', 'horse', 'lined', 'priest', 'stepped', 'onto', 'track', 'sure', 'enough', 'blessed', 'one', 'horse', 'bloke', 'made', 'beeline', 'betting', 'window', 'placed', 'small', 'bet', 'horse', 'even', 'though', 'another', 'long', 'shot', 'horse', 'race', 'collected', 'winning', 'anxiously', 'waited', 'see', 'horse', 'priest', 'would', 'bless', 'next', 'bet', 'big', 'race', 'continued', 'priest', 'kept', 'blessing', 'long', 'shot', 'one', 'ended', 'winning', 'punter', 'elated', 'made', 'quick', 'dash', 'atm', 'withdrew', 'saving', 'awaited', 'priest', 'blessing', 'would', 'tell', 'horse', 'bet', 'true', 'pattern', 'priest', 'stepped', 'onto', 'track', 'last', 'race', 'blessed', 'forehead', 'old', 'nag', 'longest', 'shot', 'day', 'time', 'priest', 'blessed', 'eye', 'ear', 'hoof', 'old', 'nag', 'punter', 'knew', 'winner', 'bet', 'every', 'cent', 'owned', 'old', 'nag', 'watched', 'dumbfounded', 'old', 'nag', 'came', 'last', 'state', 'shock', 'went', 'track', 'area', 'priest', 'confronting', 'demanded', 'happened', 'day', 'long', 'blessed', 'horse', 'last', 'race', 'horse', 'blessed', 'lost', 'mile', 'thanks', 'lost', 'every', 'cent', 'saving', 'priest', 'nodded', 'wisely', 'sympathy', 'said', 'problem', 'protestant', 'ca', 'tell', 'difference', 'simple', 'blessing', 'last', 'rite', 'catholic', 'horse']",168
They're too short to be called Essays.,2he6gy,53,Why are Hispanic dwarves called Paragraphs?,"['short', 'called', 'essay']","['hispanic', 'dwarf', 'called', 'paragraph']","['short', 'called', 'essay', 'hispanic', 'dwarf', 'called', 'paragraph']",7
Hopefully she's as good as the first one.,43zrre,53,I'm about to have sex with my second cousin.,"['hopefully', 'good', 'first', 'one']","['sex', 'second', 'cousin']","['hopefully', 'good', 'first', 'one', 'sex', 'second', 'cousin']",7
Kermit's finger. ,3a879l,53,"Whats long, green, and smells like pork?","['kermit', 'finger']","['whats', 'long', 'green', 'smell', 'like', 'pork']","['kermit', 'finger', 'whats', 'long', 'green', 'smell', 'like', 'pork']",8
"[deleted]. 
Seriously this guy is everywhere.",372dcv,53,The most active user on reddit:,"['deleted', 'seriously', 'guy', 'everywhere']","['active', 'user', 'reddit']","['deleted', 'seriously', 'guy', 'everywhere', 'active', 'user', 'reddit']",7
"So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. ""Excuse me,"" says the barber. ""I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?"" 
""Well,"" says the man. ""I'm a Franciscan friar. I'm here to help my brother Franciscans start a soup kitchen in town."" 

And the barber says, ""The Franciscans? Oh, I love the Franciscans! I love the story of St. Francis of Assisi, and I so love all the work you do for the poor, and for peace, and for the environment. And it's just great that the Franciscans live so simply! You guys are wonderful! This haircut is free!"" 

And the Franciscan says, ""Oh no, no, no. We live simply and take a vow of poverty, but I have some money for a haircut. Please let me pay you."" 

""Oh no,"" says the barber. ""I insist. This haircut is free!"" So the Franciscan thanks him, gives him a blessing and leaves. 

The next day the barber comes to his shop and on the doorstep to the barbershop, there is a surprise waiting for him. On the doorstep is a big basket filled with wildflowers, along with a thank-you note from the Franciscan. 

That same day another man walks into the barber's shop wearing a long white robe with a black scapular over it. He sits down in the barber's chair and the barber says, ""Excuse me, but why are you dressed like that?"" 

And the man says, ""Well, I'm a Trappist monk. I'm in town to visit a doctor and I thought I would come in for a haircut."" 

And the barber says, ""Oh I love the Trappists! You know, I've read all of Thomas Merton's books, and I so admire the way that your lives are so contemplative and prayerful, and it makes me happy to know that you're praying for all of us. You guys are wonderful! This haircut is free!"" 

The Trappist says, ""Oh, no, no, no. Even though we live simply, I have money for a haircut. Please let me pay you."" 

""Oh no,"" says the barber. ""This haircut is free."" So the Trappist thanks him, gives him a blessing and leaves. 

The next day the barber comes to his shop and on his doorstep, there is a surprise waiting for him. A big basket full of cheeses and jams made by the Trappist abbey, along with a thank-you note from the Trappist. 

That same day another man walks into the barbershop wearing a black suit and a clerical collar. After he sits down the barber says, ""Excuse me, but why are you dressed like that?"" 

And the man says, ""Yes. I'm a Jesuit priest. I'm in town for a theology conference."" 

And the barber says, ""Oh, I love the Jesuits! You know, my son went to Santa Clara and my daughter went to Loyola Marymount. I love Ignatian spirituality and I've been to the retreat house you have in town. You guys are great! This haircut is free!"" 

And the Jesuit says, ""Oh no, no, no. I take a vow of poverty but I have enough money for a haircut."" 
The barber says, ""Oh no. This haircut is free."" So the Jesuit thanks him, gives him a blessing and is on his way. 

And the next day the barber comes to his shop and on his doorstep, there is a surprise waiting for him: ten more Jesuits. ",1x2cg7,53,So there's this barber in a small town...,"['barber', 'small', 'town', 'one', 'day', 'sitting', 'barbershop', 'man', 'walk', 'wearing', 'pair', 'sandal', 'long', 'brown', 'robe', 'hood', 'man', 'sits', 'barber', 'chair', 'excuse', 'say', 'barber', 'wondering', 'dressed', 'like', 'well', 'say', 'man', 'franciscan', 'friar', 'help', 'brother', 'franciscan', 'start', 'soup', 'kitchen', 'town', 'barber', 'say', 'franciscan', 'oh', 'love', 'franciscan', 'love', 'story', 'francis', 'assisi', 'love', 'work', 'poor', 'peace', 'environment', 'great', 'franciscan', 'live', 'simply', 'guy', 'wonderful', 'haircut', 'free', 'franciscan', 'say', 'oh', 'live', 'simply', 'take', 'vow', 'poverty', 'money', 'haircut', 'please', 'let', 'pay', 'oh', 'say', 'barber', 'insist', 'haircut', 'free', 'franciscan', 'thanks', 'give', 'blessing', 'leaf', 'next', 'day', 'barber', 'come', 'shop', 'doorstep', 'barbershop', 'surprise', 'waiting', 'doorstep', 'big', 'basket', 'filled', 'wildflower', 'along', 'note', 'franciscan', 'day', 'another', 'man', 'walk', 'barber', 'shop', 'wearing', 'long', 'white', 'robe', 'black', 'scapular', 'sits', 'barber', 'chair', 'barber', 'say', 'excuse', 'dressed', 'like', 'man', 'say', 'well', 'trappist', 'monk', 'town', 'visit', 'doctor', 'thought', 'would', 'come', 'haircut', 'barber', 'say', 'oh', 'love', 'trappist', 'know', 'read', 'thomas', 'merton', 'book', 'admire', 'way', 'life', 'contemplative', 'prayerful', 'make', 'happy', 'know', 'praying', 'u', 'guy', 'wonderful', 'haircut', 'free', 'trappist', 'say', 'oh', 'even', 'though', 'live', 'simply', 'money', 'haircut', 'please', 'let', 'pay', 'oh', 'say', 'barber', 'haircut', 'free', 'trappist', 'thanks', 'give', 'blessing', 'leaf', 'next', 'day', 'barber', 'come', 'shop', 'doorstep', 'surprise', 'waiting', 'big', 'basket', 'full', 'cheese', 'jam', 'made', 'trappist', 'abbey', 'along', 'note', 'trappist', 'day', 'another', 'man', 'walk', 'barbershop', 'wearing', 'black', 'suit', 'clerical', 'collar', 'sits', 'barber', 'say', 'excuse', 'dressed', 'like', 'man', 'say', 'yes', 'jesuit', 'priest', 'town', 'theology', 'conference', 'barber', 'say', 'oh', 'love', 'jesuit', 'know', 'son', 'went', 'santa', 'clara', 'daughter', 'went', 'loyola', 'marymount', 'love', 'ignatian', 'spirituality', 'retreat', 'house', 'town', 'guy', 'great', 'haircut', 'free', 'jesuit', 'say', 'oh', 'take', 'vow', 'poverty', 'enough', 'money', 'haircut', 'barber', 'say', 'oh', 'haircut', 'free', 'jesuit', 'thanks', 'give', 'blessing', 'way', 'next', 'day', 'barber', 'come', 'shop', 'doorstep', 'surprise', 'waiting', 'ten', 'jesuit']","['barber', 'small', 'town']","['barber', 'small', 'town', 'one', 'day', 'sitting', 'barbershop', 'man', 'walk', 'wearing', 'pair', 'sandal', 'long', 'brown', 'robe', 'hood', 'man', 'sits', 'barber', 'chair', 'excuse', 'say', 'barber', 'wondering', 'dressed', 'like', 'well', 'say', 'man', 'franciscan', 'friar', 'help', 'brother', 'franciscan', 'start', 'soup', 'kitchen', 'town', 'barber', 'say', 'franciscan', 'oh', 'love', 'franciscan', 'love', 'story', 'francis', 'assisi', 'love', 'work', 'poor', 'peace', 'environment', 'great', 'franciscan', 'live', 'simply', 'guy', 'wonderful', 'haircut', 'free', 'franciscan', 'say', 'oh', 'live', 'simply', 'take', 'vow', 'poverty', 'money', 'haircut', 'please', 'let', 'pay', 'oh', 'say', 'barber', 'insist', 'haircut', 'free', 'franciscan', 'thanks', 'give', 'blessing', 'leaf', 'next', 'day', 'barber', 'come', 'shop', 'doorstep', 'barbershop', 'surprise', 'waiting', 'doorstep', 'big', 'basket', 'filled', 'wildflower', 'along', 'note', 'franciscan', 'day', 'another', 'man', 'walk', 'barber', 'shop', 'wearing', 'long', 'white', 'robe', 'black', 'scapular', 'sits', 'barber', 'chair', 'barber', 'say', 'excuse', 'dressed', 'like', 'man', 'say', 'well', 'trappist', 'monk', 'town', 'visit', 'doctor', 'thought', 'would', 'come', 'haircut', 'barber', 'say', 'oh', 'love', 'trappist', 'know', 'read', 'thomas', 'merton', 'book', 'admire', 'way', 'life', 'contemplative', 'prayerful', 'make', 'happy', 'know', 'praying', 'u', 'guy', 'wonderful', 'haircut', 'free', 'trappist', 'say', 'oh', 'even', 'though', 'live', 'simply', 'money', 'haircut', 'please', 'let', 'pay', 'oh', 'say', 'barber', 'haircut', 'free', 'trappist', 'thanks', 'give', 'blessing', 'leaf', 'next', 'day', 'barber', 'come', 'shop', 'doorstep', 'surprise', 'waiting', 'big', 'basket', 'full', 'cheese', 'jam', 'made', 'trappist', 'abbey', 'along', 'note', 'trappist', 'day', 'another', 'man', 'walk', 'barbershop', 'wearing', 'black', 'suit', 'clerical', 'collar', 'sits', 'barber', 'say', 'excuse', 'dressed', 'like', 'man', 'say', 'yes', 'jesuit', 'priest', 'town', 'theology', 'conference', 'barber', 'say', 'oh', 'love', 'jesuit', 'know', 'son', 'went', 'santa', 'clara', 'daughter', 'went', 'loyola', 'marymount', 'love', 'ignatian', 'spirituality', 'retreat', 'house', 'town', 'guy', 'great', 'haircut', 'free', 'jesuit', 'say', 'oh', 'take', 'vow', 'poverty', 'enough', 'money', 'haircut', 'barber', 'say', 'oh', 'haircut', 'free', 'jesuit', 'thanks', 'give', 'blessing', 'way', 'next', 'day', 'barber', 'come', 'shop', 'doorstep', 'surprise', 'waiting', 'ten', 'jesuit', 'barber', 'small', 'town']",279
They lack the element of supplies,1bqqa0,53,Why is North Korea going fail against America?,"['lack', 'element', 'supply']","['north', 'korea', 'going', 'fail', 'america']","['lack', 'element', 'supply', 'north', 'korea', 'going', 'fail', 'america']",8
"Seriously. That other guy hasn't answered yet, and I'm dying to find out!",2i84eh,53,Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?,"['seriously', 'guy', 'answered', 'yet', 'dying', 'find']","['know', 'keep', 'idiot', 'suspense']","['seriously', 'guy', 'answered', 'yet', 'dying', 'find', 'know', 'keep', 'idiot', 'suspense']",10
Your mom can't take a joke.,2o7556,53,What's the difference between three dicks and a joke?,"['mom', 'ca', 'take', 'joke']","['difference', 'three', 'dick', 'joke']","['mom', 'ca', 'take', 'joke', 'difference', 'three', 'dick', 'joke']",8
"Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, ""I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, ""That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!""",3aqzg4,53,Three guys go to a ski lodge,"['three', 'guy', 'go', 'ski', 'lodge', 'enough', 'room', 'share', 'bed', 'middle', 'night', 'guy', 'right', 'wake', 'say', 'wild', 'vivid', 'dream', 'getting', 'hand', 'job', 'guy', 'left', 'wake', 'unbelievably', 'dream', 'guy', 'middle', 'wake', 'say', 'funny', 'dreamed', 'skiing']","['three', 'guy', 'go', 'ski', 'lodge']","['three', 'guy', 'go', 'ski', 'lodge', 'enough', 'room', 'share', 'bed', 'middle', 'night', 'guy', 'right', 'wake', 'say', 'wild', 'vivid', 'dream', 'getting', 'hand', 'job', 'guy', 'left', 'wake', 'unbelievably', 'dream', 'guy', 'middle', 'wake', 'say', 'funny', 'dreamed', 'skiing', 'three', 'guy', 'go', 'ski', 'lodge']",38
I Noah guy.,4m250i,53,Torrential rainfall? Rising floodwaters?! No escape?!! Don't worry...,"['noah', 'guy']","['torrential', 'rainfall', 'rising', 'floodwaters', 'escape', 'worry']","['noah', 'guy', 'torrential', 'rainfall', 'rising', 'floodwaters', 'escape', 'worry']",8
"and asks, ""Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?""

The wise old Rabbi answers, ""Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.""",2jowjn,53,A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi...,"['asks', 'yankele', 'yosele', 'love', 'lucky', 'one', 'wise', 'old', 'rabbi', 'answer', 'yankele', 'marry', 'yosele', 'lucky', 'one']","['jewish', 'woman', 'go', 'see', 'rabbi']","['asks', 'yankele', 'yosele', 'love', 'lucky', 'one', 'wise', 'old', 'rabbi', 'answer', 'yankele', 'marry', 'yosele', 'lucky', 'one', 'jewish', 'woman', 'go', 'see', 'rabbi']",20
"To the optimist, the glass is half-full. 
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. 
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. ",46n6mo,53,Engineers' view about a glass of water!,"['optimist', 'glass', 'pessimist', 'glass', 'engineer', 'glass', 'twice', 'big', 'need']","['engineer', 'view', 'glass', 'water']","['optimist', 'glass', 'pessimist', 'glass', 'engineer', 'glass', 'twice', 'big', 'need', 'engineer', 'view', 'glass', 'water']",13
The stand-up chameleon.,4iu3zw,53,What is the funniest two legged lizard?,['chameleon'],"['funniest', 'two', 'legged', 'lizard']","['chameleon', 'funniest', 'two', 'legged', 'lizard']",5
"Me: Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.

Dispatcher: Go ahead.

Me: Flossing daily reduces your risk of tooth decay.",4bs6xc,53,"""Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.""","['hello', 'police', 'like', 'report', 'anonymous', 'tip', 'dispatcher', 'go', 'ahead', 'flossing', 'daily', 'reduces', 'risk', 'tooth', 'decay']","['hello', 'police', 'like', 'report', 'anonymous', 'tip']","['hello', 'police', 'like', 'report', 'anonymous', 'tip', 'dispatcher', 'go', 'ahead', 'flossing', 'daily', 'reduces', 'risk', 'tooth', 'decay', 'hello', 'police', 'like', 'report', 'anonymous', 'tip']",21
"Age 20-30: Tri-weekly

Age 30-40: Try weekly

Age 40-50: Try weakly",288tg4,53,Sex through the ages:,"['age', 'age', 'try', 'weekly', 'age', 'try', 'weakly']","['sex', 'age']","['age', 'age', 'try', 'weekly', 'age', 'try', 'weakly', 'sex', 'age']",9
"The first one tells her friends, ""My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.""

The second woman replies, ""My son is an Archbishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'.""

The third woman says smugly, ""My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'.""

The fourth woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle ""Well...?""

She replies, ""My son is a gorgeous, 6'2"", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God..'""
",28yp9x,52,Four ladies are having coffee together...,"['first', 'one', 'tell', 'friend', 'son', 'priest', 'walk', 'room', 'everyone', 'call', 'second', 'woman', 'reply', 'son', 'archbishop', 'whenever', 'walk', 'room', 'people', 'say', 'grace', 'third', 'woman', 'say', 'smugly', 'son', 'cardinal', 'whenever', 'walk', 'room', 'people', 'say', 'eminence', 'fourth', 'woman', 'sip', 'coffee', 'silence', 'first', 'three', 'woman', 'give', 'subtle', 'well', 'reply', 'son', 'gorgeous', 'hard', 'bodied', 'stripper', 'walk', 'room', 'people', 'say', 'god']","['four', 'lady', 'coffee', 'together']","['first', 'one', 'tell', 'friend', 'son', 'priest', 'walk', 'room', 'everyone', 'call', 'second', 'woman', 'reply', 'son', 'archbishop', 'whenever', 'walk', 'room', 'people', 'say', 'grace', 'third', 'woman', 'say', 'smugly', 'son', 'cardinal', 'whenever', 'walk', 'room', 'people', 'say', 'eminence', 'fourth', 'woman', 'sip', 'coffee', 'silence', 'first', 'three', 'woman', 'give', 'subtle', 'well', 'reply', 'son', 'gorgeous', 'hard', 'bodied', 'stripper', 'walk', 'room', 'people', 'say', 'god', 'four', 'lady', 'coffee', 'together']",59
"A manager in a large company noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. ""What is your name?"" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

""John,"" the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, ""Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?""

The new guy sighed and said, ""Darling. My name is John Darling.""

""Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is...""",22tcgy,52,Familiarity on the job.,"['manager', 'large', 'company', 'noticed', 'new', 'man', 'one', 'day', 'told', 'come', 'office', 'name', 'first', 'thing', 'manager', 'asked', 'new', 'guy', 'john', 'new', 'guy', 'replied', 'manager', 'scowled', 'look', 'know', 'kind', 'place', 'worked', 'call', 'anyone', 'first', 'name', 'breed', 'familiarity', 'lead', 'breakdown', 'authority', 'refer', 'employee', 'last', 'name', 'smith', 'jones', 'baker', 'referred', 'robertson', 'got', 'straight', 'last', 'name', 'new', 'guy', 'sighed', 'said', 'darling', 'name', 'john', 'darling', 'okay', 'john', 'next', 'thing', 'want', 'tell']","['familiarity', 'job']","['manager', 'large', 'company', 'noticed', 'new', 'man', 'one', 'day', 'told', 'come', 'office', 'name', 'first', 'thing', 'manager', 'asked', 'new', 'guy', 'john', 'new', 'guy', 'replied', 'manager', 'scowled', 'look', 'know', 'kind', 'place', 'worked', 'call', 'anyone', 'first', 'name', 'breed', 'familiarity', 'lead', 'breakdown', 'authority', 'refer', 'employee', 'last', 'name', 'smith', 'jones', 'baker', 'referred', 'robertson', 'got', 'straight', 'last', 'name', 'new', 'guy', 'sighed', 'said', 'darling', 'name', 'john', 'darling', 'okay', 'john', 'next', 'thing', 'want', 'tell', 'familiarity', 'job']",67
"A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, ""You are going to die. But we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three days. Onsundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?""
The cowboy says, ""I want to see my horse.""
The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.
She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, ""Typical white man - can only think of one thing.""
The second day, the chief says, ""What is your wish today?""
The cowboy says, ""I want to see my horse again.""
The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, ""Typical white man - going to die and can only think of one thing.""
The last day comes, and the chief says, ""This is your last wish, white man. What you want?""
The cowboy says, ""I want to see my horse again."" The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, ""Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E",207acp,52,Cowboy & Indians,"['bunch', 'indian', 'capture', 'cowboy', 'bring', 'back', 'camp', 'meet', 'chief', 'chief', 'say', 'cowboy', 'going', 'die', 'feel', 'sorry', 'give', 'one', 'wish', 'day', 'three', 'day', 'onsundown', 'third', 'day', 'die', 'first', 'wish', 'cowboy', 'say', 'want', 'see', 'horse', 'indian', 'get', 'horse', 'cowboy', 'grab', 'horse', 'ear', 'whisper', 'something', 'slap', 'horse', 'as', 'horse', 'take', 'two', 'hour', 'later', 'horse', 'come', 'back', 'naked', 'blonde', 'jump', 'horse', 'go', 'teepee', 'cowboy', 'indian', 'look', 'figuring', 'typical', 'white', 'man', 'think', 'one', 'thing', 'second', 'day', 'chief', 'say', 'wish', 'today', 'cowboy', 'say', 'want', 'see', 'horse', 'indian', 'bring', 'horse', 'cowboy', 'lean', 'horse', 'whisper', 'something', 'horse', 'ear', 'slap', 'as', 'two', 'hour', 'later', 'horse', 'come', 'back', 'naked', 'redhead', 'get', 'go', 'teepee', 'cowboy', 'indian', 'shake', 'head', 'figuring', 'typical', 'white', 'man', 'going', 'die', 'think', 'one', 'thing', 'last', 'day', 'come', 'chief', 'say', 'last', 'wish', 'white', 'man', 'want', 'cowboy', 'say', 'want', 'see', 'horse', 'indian', 'bring', 'horse', 'cowboy', 'grab', 'horse', 'ear', 'twist', 'hard', 'yell', 'read', 'lip', 'posse', 'damn']","['cowboy', 'indian']","['bunch', 'indian', 'capture', 'cowboy', 'bring', 'back', 'camp', 'meet', 'chief', 'chief', 'say', 'cowboy', 'going', 'die', 'feel', 'sorry', 'give', 'one', 'wish', 'day', 'three', 'day', 'onsundown', 'third', 'day', 'die', 'first', 'wish', 'cowboy', 'say', 'want', 'see', 'horse', 'indian', 'get', 'horse', 'cowboy', 'grab', 'horse', 'ear', 'whisper', 'something', 'slap', 'horse', 'as', 'horse', 'take', 'two', 'hour', 'later', 'horse', 'come', 'back', 'naked', 'blonde', 'jump', 'horse', 'go', 'teepee', 'cowboy', 'indian', 'look', 'figuring', 'typical', 'white', 'man', 'think', 'one', 'thing', 'second', 'day', 'chief', 'say', 'wish', 'today', 'cowboy', 'say', 'want', 'see', 'horse', 'indian', 'bring', 'horse', 'cowboy', 'lean', 'horse', 'whisper', 'something', 'horse', 'ear', 'slap', 'as', 'two', 'hour', 'later', 'horse', 'come', 'back', 'naked', 'redhead', 'get', 'go', 'teepee', 'cowboy', 'indian', 'shake', 'head', 'figuring', 'typical', 'white', 'man', 'going', 'die', 'think', 'one', 'thing', 'last', 'day', 'come', 'chief', 'say', 'last', 'wish', 'white', 'man', 'want', 'cowboy', 'say', 'want', 'see', 'horse', 'indian', 'bring', 'horse', 'cowboy', 'grab', 'horse', 'ear', 'twist', 'hard', 'yell', 'read', 'lip', 'posse', 'damn', 'cowboy', 'indian']",147
"And  was smitten by a beautiful parrot for sale and decided that she must own this gorgeous bird! When the bird came up for sale, the auctioneer asked, ""How much am I bid for this parrot?"" and the lady bid with ""Seven hundred dollars"". ""Eight hundred!"" ""Eighty hundred fifty!"" ""Nine hundred fifty!"" go the next several bids, and the lady bid ""One thousand dollars!"" Bidding goes on this way for several minutes until she found herself the proud owner of an parrot for $1500.

She approached the auctioneer and asked him ""Can the bird talk?"" to which the auctioneer replied ""Lady, who do you think was bidding against you?"" ",4r3xu2,52,A lady went to an auction...,"['smitten', 'beautiful', 'parrot', 'sale', 'decided', 'must', 'gorgeous', 'bird', 'bird', 'came', 'sale', 'auctioneer', 'asked', 'much', 'bid', 'parrot', 'lady', 'bid', 'seven', 'hundred', 'dollar', 'eight', 'hundred', 'eighty', 'hundred', 'fifty', 'nine', 'hundred', 'fifty', 'go', 'next', 'several', 'bid', 'lady', 'bid', 'one', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'bidding', 'go', 'way', 'several', 'minute', 'found', 'proud', 'owner', 'parrot', 'approached', 'auctioneer', 'asked', 'bird', 'talk', 'auctioneer', 'replied', 'lady', 'think', 'bidding']","['lady', 'went', 'auction']","['smitten', 'beautiful', 'parrot', 'sale', 'decided', 'must', 'gorgeous', 'bird', 'bird', 'came', 'sale', 'auctioneer', 'asked', 'much', 'bid', 'parrot', 'lady', 'bid', 'seven', 'hundred', 'dollar', 'eight', 'hundred', 'eighty', 'hundred', 'fifty', 'nine', 'hundred', 'fifty', 'go', 'next', 'several', 'bid', 'lady', 'bid', 'one', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'bidding', 'go', 'way', 'several', 'minute', 'found', 'proud', 'owner', 'parrot', 'approached', 'auctioneer', 'asked', 'bird', 'talk', 'auctioneer', 'replied', 'lady', 'think', 'bidding', 'lady', 'went', 'auction']",60
"I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.",2sd93r,52,I bought shoes from my drug dealer today,"['know', 'laced', 'tripping', 'day']","['bought', 'shoe', 'drug', 'dealer', 'today']","['know', 'laced', 'tripping', 'day', 'bought', 'shoe', 'drug', 'dealer', 'today']",9
"Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest! ",4iiqx2,52,NEW study shows that Birthdays are good for your health,"['statistic', 'show', 'people', 'birthday', 'live', 'longest']","['new', 'study', 'show', 'birthday', 'good', 'health']","['statistic', 'show', 'people', 'birthday', 'live', 'longest', 'new', 'study', 'show', 'birthday', 'good', 'health']",12
I'm handsome.,29fy17,52,"If a threesome is having sex with three people, and a twosome is having sex with two people...",['handsome'],"['threesome', 'sex', 'three', 'people', 'twosome', 'sex', 'two', 'people']","['handsome', 'threesome', 'sex', 'three', 'people', 'twosome', 'sex', 'two', 'people']",9
"Specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.",4yc3f0,52,When I die I want my body to be donated to science,"['specifically', 'scientist', 'working', 'bringing', 'dead', 'guy', 'back', 'life']","['die', 'want', 'body', 'donated', 'science']","['specifically', 'scientist', 'working', 'bringing', 'dead', 'guy', 'back', 'life', 'die', 'want', 'body', 'donated', 'science']",13
A 4 with a 6-pack under her arm.,2rck59,52,She's a perfect 10,['arm'],['perfect'],"['arm', 'perfect']",2
I went out and bought her some flowers and a vibrator. That's so if she doesn't like the flowers she can go fuck herself.,35b9dn,52,So today's my wife's birthday...,"['went', 'bought', 'flower', 'vibrator', 'like', 'flower', 'go', 'fuck']","['today', 'wife', 'birthday']","['went', 'bought', 'flower', 'vibrator', 'like', 'flower', 'go', 'fuck', 'today', 'wife', 'birthday']",11
I can find a lot of girls that'll blow your money.,4j5my1,52,What's the difference between your dick and your money?,"['find', 'lot', 'girl', 'blow', 'money']","['difference', 'dick', 'money']","['find', 'lot', 'girl', 'blow', 'money', 'difference', 'dick', 'money']",8
"Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.”


His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.”


Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”


Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.


“No, I’m serious,” Paddy says. “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”",2zd1s0,52,I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.,"['paddy', 'two', 'friend', 'talking', 'bar', 'first', 'friend', 'say', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'electrician', 'day', 'came', 'home', 'found', 'wire', 'cutter', 'bed', 'second', 'friend', 'say', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'plumber', 'day', 'found', 'wrench', 'bed', 'paddy', 'say', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'friend', 'look', 'utter', 'disbelief', 'serious', 'paddy', 'say', 'day', 'came', 'home', 'found', 'jockey', 'bed']","['think', 'wife', 'affair', 'horse']","['paddy', 'two', 'friend', 'talking', 'bar', 'first', 'friend', 'say', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'electrician', 'day', 'came', 'home', 'found', 'wire', 'cutter', 'bed', 'second', 'friend', 'say', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'plumber', 'day', 'found', 'wrench', 'bed', 'paddy', 'say', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'friend', 'look', 'utter', 'disbelief', 'serious', 'paddy', 'say', 'day', 'came', 'home', 'found', 'jockey', 'bed', 'think', 'wife', 'affair', 'horse']",52
You oscillate its tits a lot,2wzosz,52,How do you titillate an ocelot?,"['oscillate', 'tit', 'lot']","['titillate', 'ocelot']","['oscillate', 'tit', 'lot', 'titillate', 'ocelot']",5
They were really Chewie!,4j1qv1,52,"What was wrong with Han Solo's ""Hanburgers""?","['really', 'chewie']","['wrong', 'han', 'solo', 'hanburgers']","['really', 'chewie', 'wrong', 'han', 'solo', 'hanburgers']",6
"One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other 
""There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks"" to which the other cop replies
""Kick the sacks and make sure they're not hiding in them""
So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it and she goes ""roof roof""
Oh its just a stupid dog the cop says. He kicks the second one with the other brunette in it and she goes ""meow meow""
Oh its just a stupid cat. 
So he kicks the last sack with the blone in it and she goes ""POTATOES""",1kbuv2,52,2 Brunettes and a Blonde,"['one', 'dark', 'stormy', 'night', 'burnettes', 'blonde', 'escape', 'prison', 'get', 'rain', 'hide', 'cop', 'go', 'barn', 'find', 'sack', 'hide', 'one', 'cop', 'go', 'born', 'yell', 'nothing', 'sack', 'cop', 'reply', 'kick', 'sack', 'make', 'sure', 'hiding', 'cop', 'kick', 'first', 'sack', 'brunette', 'go', 'roof', 'roof', 'oh', 'stupid', 'dog', 'cop', 'say', 'kick', 'second', 'one', 'brunette', 'go', 'meow', 'meow', 'oh', 'stupid', 'cat', 'kick', 'last', 'sack', 'blone', 'go', 'potato']","['brunette', 'blonde']","['one', 'dark', 'stormy', 'night', 'burnettes', 'blonde', 'escape', 'prison', 'get', 'rain', 'hide', 'cop', 'go', 'barn', 'find', 'sack', 'hide', 'one', 'cop', 'go', 'born', 'yell', 'nothing', 'sack', 'cop', 'reply', 'kick', 'sack', 'make', 'sure', 'hiding', 'cop', 'kick', 'first', 'sack', 'brunette', 'go', 'roof', 'roof', 'oh', 'stupid', 'dog', 'cop', 'say', 'kick', 'second', 'one', 'brunette', 'go', 'meow', 'meow', 'oh', 'stupid', 'cat', 'kick', 'last', 'sack', 'blone', 'go', 'potato', 'brunette', 'blonde']",62
"...it's okay, you probably wouldn't have liked it, anyway.",4jel9y,52,Ever hear the joke about the insecure comedian?,"['okay', 'probably', 'would', 'liked', 'anyway']","['ever', 'hear', 'joke', 'insecure', 'comedian']","['okay', 'probably', 'would', 'liked', 'anyway', 'ever', 'hear', 'joke', 'insecure', 'comedian']",10
But I think she was full of shit.,2cpxlm,52,This girl told me she didn't poop...,"['think', 'full', 'shit']","['girl', 'told', 'poop']","['think', 'full', 'shit', 'girl', 'told', 'poop']",6
And being wrong is for women.,4t2uha,52,Don't be sexist. It's just wrong.,"['wrong', 'woman']","['sexist', 'wrong']","['wrong', 'woman', 'sexist', 'wrong']",4
the pass button stops working,1he1hx,52,"I heard 2k14 is so real that when you give the ball to kobe,","['pas', 'button', 'stop', 'working']","['heard', 'real', 'give', 'ball', 'kobe']","['pas', 'button', 'stop', 'working', 'heard', 'real', 'give', 'ball', 'kobe']",9
For Hispanic attacks.,4xh4f2,52,Why did the Mexican take Xanax?,"['hispanic', 'attack']","['mexican', 'take', 'xanax']","['hispanic', 'attack', 'mexican', 'take', 'xanax']",5
1 GB.,4qepag,52,How much free space does Europe have ?,['gb'],"['much', 'free', 'space', 'europe']","['gb', 'much', 'free', 'space', 'europe']",5
Good until you get tested ,4p0qfg,52,College is like unprotected sex...,"['good', 'get', 'tested']","['college', 'like', 'unprotected', 'sex']","['good', 'get', 'tested', 'college', 'like', 'unprotected', 'sex']",7
"... he says to the server, ""Hello, I'd like some fish and chips..""

The server says, ""We don't serve polar bear here.""

The Polar Bear says, ""Oh Thank God.""

",1e89kf,52,A Polar Bear walks into a bar...,"['say', 'server', 'hello', 'like', 'fish', 'chip', 'server', 'say', 'serve', 'polar', 'bear', 'polar', 'bear', 'say', 'oh', 'thank', 'god']","['polar', 'bear', 'walk', 'bar']","['say', 'server', 'hello', 'like', 'fish', 'chip', 'server', 'say', 'serve', 'polar', 'bear', 'polar', 'bear', 'say', 'oh', 'thank', 'god', 'polar', 'bear', 'walk', 'bar']",21
"so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled ""bomb"", but it was just panned ammonium",4ngjlx,52,"A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,","['put', 'sample', 'pan', 'brought', 'nearest', 'usda', 'branch', 'security', 'guard', 'saw', 'pan', 'full', 'fertilizer', 'yelled', 'bomb', 'panned', 'ammonium']","['farmer', 'bought', 'ammonium', 'nitrate', 'fertilizer', 'smelled', 'weird']","['put', 'sample', 'pan', 'brought', 'nearest', 'usda', 'branch', 'security', 'guard', 'saw', 'pan', 'full', 'fertilizer', 'yelled', 'bomb', 'panned', 'ammonium', 'farmer', 'bought', 'ammonium', 'nitrate', 'fertilizer', 'smelled', 'weird']",24
"... and I thought ""Ahh, this takes me back.""",3rk2tc,52,Today I was reversing my car off the drive...,"['thought', 'ahh', 'take', 'back']","['today', 'reversing', 'car', 'drive']","['thought', 'ahh', 'take', 'back', 'today', 'reversing', 'car', 'drive']",8
He was charged with pigamy.,1ki7gi,52,A man was arrested for marrying two ugly women...,"['charged', 'pigamy']","['man', 'arrested', 'marrying', 'two', 'ugly', 'woman']","['charged', 'pigamy', 'man', 'arrested', 'marrying', 'two', 'ugly', 'woman']",8
Relative Humidity,3hbo4d,52,What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having sex in West Virginia?,"['relative', 'humidity']","['call', 'sweat', 'body', 'two', 'people', 'sex', 'west', 'virginia']","['relative', 'humidity', 'call', 'sweat', 'body', 'two', 'people', 'sex', 'west', 'virginia']",10
After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore...,4o514u,52,"If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror-movie.","['wo', 'feel', 'like', 'alone', 'anymore']","['lonely', 'dim', 'light', 'put']","['wo', 'feel', 'like', 'alone', 'anymore', 'lonely', 'dim', 'light', 'put']",9
and she spat it right back in my face,3dvjp6,52,I gave my girl an orgasm,"['spat', 'right', 'back', 'face']","['gave', 'girl', 'orgasm']","['spat', 'right', 'back', 'face', 'gave', 'girl', 'orgasm']",7
It was his First Order!,4606o5,52,Why was Kylo Ren embarrassed at McDonald's?,"['first', 'order']","['kylo', 'ren', 'embarrassed', 'mcdonald']","['first', 'order', 'kylo', 'ren', 'embarrassed', 'mcdonald']",6
They never get old.,37zokg,52,I love dead baby jokes.,"['never', 'get', 'old']","['love', 'dead', 'baby', 'joke']","['never', 'get', 'old', 'love', 'dead', 'baby', 'joke']",7
"One day, the Malaysians decided to launch their first space program and to send a man in a rocket out into space. Since they recognised that this was a dangerous journey, they decided to ask their final three candidates, an Indian, a Malay and a Chinese man, how much of a bonus would they need to give them to accept the mission.

They called the Indian man in first, and then asked him how much of a bonus he wanted to join the program. ""One thousand dollars!"" he declared. When they pressed him for why, the Indian replied that he had a large family to feed, with eleven children, and the money would be needed to care for them.

Next, they called in the Malay man and asked him the same question. ""Two thousand dollars!"" was the response. When they asked him why, the Malay replied that he had just started a business, and he needed the money for the business to survive without him.

Finally, they called in the Chinese man. When the question was asked, the Chinese man thought for a while, then said ""Eleven Thousand.""

""Eleven Thousand?!?"" the interviewer asked, surprised. ""Why so much?""

The Chinese man leant in close, and whispered:

""Five thousand for you, five thousand for me, and one thousand to send the Indian into space.""",3ebh0t,52,The Malaysian Space Program,"['one', 'day', 'malaysian', 'decided', 'launch', 'first', 'space', 'program', 'send', 'man', 'rocket', 'space', 'since', 'recognised', 'dangerous', 'journey', 'decided', 'ask', 'final', 'three', 'candidate', 'indian', 'malay', 'chinese', 'man', 'much', 'bonus', 'would', 'need', 'give', 'accept', 'mission', 'called', 'indian', 'man', 'first', 'asked', 'much', 'bonus', 'wanted', 'join', 'program', 'one', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'declared', 'pressed', 'indian', 'replied', 'large', 'family', 'feed', 'eleven', 'child', 'money', 'would', 'needed', 'care', 'next', 'called', 'malay', 'man', 'asked', 'question', 'two', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'response', 'asked', 'malay', 'replied', 'started', 'business', 'needed', 'money', 'business', 'survive', 'without', 'finally', 'called', 'chinese', 'man', 'question', 'asked', 'chinese', 'man', 'thought', 'said', 'eleven', 'thousand', 'eleven', 'thousand', 'interviewer', 'asked', 'surprised', 'much', 'chinese', 'man', 'leant', 'close', 'whispered', 'five', 'thousand', 'five', 'thousand', 'one', 'thousand', 'send', 'indian', 'space']","['malaysian', 'space', 'program']","['one', 'day', 'malaysian', 'decided', 'launch', 'first', 'space', 'program', 'send', 'man', 'rocket', 'space', 'since', 'recognised', 'dangerous', 'journey', 'decided', 'ask', 'final', 'three', 'candidate', 'indian', 'malay', 'chinese', 'man', 'much', 'bonus', 'would', 'need', 'give', 'accept', 'mission', 'called', 'indian', 'man', 'first', 'asked', 'much', 'bonus', 'wanted', 'join', 'program', 'one', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'declared', 'pressed', 'indian', 'replied', 'large', 'family', 'feed', 'eleven', 'child', 'money', 'would', 'needed', 'care', 'next', 'called', 'malay', 'man', 'asked', 'question', 'two', 'thousand', 'dollar', 'response', 'asked', 'malay', 'replied', 'started', 'business', 'needed', 'money', 'business', 'survive', 'without', 'finally', 'called', 'chinese', 'man', 'question', 'asked', 'chinese', 'man', 'thought', 'said', 'eleven', 'thousand', 'eleven', 'thousand', 'interviewer', 'asked', 'surprised', 'much', 'chinese', 'man', 'leant', 'close', 'whispered', 'five', 'thousand', 'five', 'thousand', 'one', 'thousand', 'send', 'indian', 'space', 'malaysian', 'space', 'program']",113
"I walked into a pharmacy, went to the back, and asked the woman at the counter if I could speak to a male pharmacist. 

The woman told me that she was the only pharmacist, and that as she and her sister own the business, the were no male employees. She also assured me, however, that she was very professional, and whatever my issue, I could feel confident that I could discuss it with her, without fear of judgement or embarrassment. 

Reluctantly, I agreed. I told her that, every day, I get an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours. Not only is it inconvenient, but it is also embarrassing, and I asked what she could give me for it. 

The pharmacist thought for a moment, then asked me to wait a minute while she went to check on something. 

She came back a few minutes later and said, ""I discussed it with my sister, and the best we can do is 1/3rd of the business, a king sized bed, and $3000/month in living expenses!""",20d8f6,52,4 Hour Erections,"['walked', 'pharmacy', 'went', 'back', 'asked', 'woman', 'counter', 'could', 'speak', 'male', 'pharmacist', 'woman', 'told', 'pharmacist', 'sister', 'business', 'male', 'employee', 'also', 'assured', 'however', 'professional', 'whatever', 'issue', 'could', 'feel', 'confident', 'could', 'discus', 'without', 'fear', 'judgement', 'embarrassment', 'reluctantly', 'agreed', 'told', 'every', 'day', 'get', 'erection', 'last', 'longer', 'hour', 'inconvenient', 'also', 'embarrassing', 'asked', 'could', 'give', 'pharmacist', 'thought', 'moment', 'asked', 'wait', 'minute', 'went', 'check', 'something', 'came', 'back', 'minute', 'later', 'said', 'discussed', 'sister', 'best', 'business', 'king', 'sized', 'bed', 'living', 'expense']","['hour', 'erection']","['walked', 'pharmacy', 'went', 'back', 'asked', 'woman', 'counter', 'could', 'speak', 'male', 'pharmacist', 'woman', 'told', 'pharmacist', 'sister', 'business', 'male', 'employee', 'also', 'assured', 'however', 'professional', 'whatever', 'issue', 'could', 'feel', 'confident', 'could', 'discus', 'without', 'fear', 'judgement', 'embarrassment', 'reluctantly', 'agreed', 'told', 'every', 'day', 'get', 'erection', 'last', 'longer', 'hour', 'inconvenient', 'also', 'embarrassing', 'asked', 'could', 'give', 'pharmacist', 'thought', 'moment', 'asked', 'wait', 'minute', 'went', 'check', 'something', 'came', 'back', 'minute', 'later', 'said', 'discussed', 'sister', 'best', 'business', 'king', 'sized', 'bed', 'living', 'expense', 'hour', 'erection']",74
One's wanted.,3u99oh,52,What's the difference between and out-law and an in-law?,"['one', 'wanted']",['difference'],"['one', 'wanted', 'difference']",3
"Because of their Crystal Balls


EDIT: I'm not sure if anyone's posted this before my mum's sister emailed her from across the globe.(New Zealand) I laughed so hard I thought I'd put it here. Credit goes to my Mum's sister though. ",1yiyur,52,Why do Gypsy's walk funny?,"['crystal', 'ball', 'edit', 'sure', 'anyone', 'posted', 'mum', 'sister', 'emailed', 'across', 'globe', 'new', 'zealand', 'laughed', 'hard', 'thought', 'put', 'credit', 'go', 'mum', 'sister', 'though']","['gypsy', 'walk', 'funny']","['crystal', 'ball', 'edit', 'sure', 'anyone', 'posted', 'mum', 'sister', 'emailed', 'across', 'globe', 'new', 'zealand', 'laughed', 'hard', 'thought', 'put', 'credit', 'go', 'mum', 'sister', 'though', 'gypsy', 'walk', 'funny']",25
Never trust a midget that tells you your wife's hair smells nice. ,4o88gw,52,Never ever...,"['never', 'trust', 'midget', 'tell', 'wife', 'hair', 'smell', 'nice']","['never', 'ever']","['never', 'trust', 'midget', 'tell', 'wife', 'hair', 'smell', 'nice', 'never', 'ever']",10
"A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.  
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bullets will find their way out naturally in a few years.  
14 years later one of the kids comes home, pale and scared to death, Mom asks what wrong and he says when he was at school, while peeing something came out of his penis, the mom explains everything and cools him down.  
 A couple of days later the second kid comes home with the same story and she explains everything to him as well.   
Sometime later the third kid comes into the house scared to death and crying, Mom asks:""what's the matter honey ? did something weird happen when you were peeing? "" and the kid responds:""No, I was jerking off in the yard and suddenly I shot the dog""  
*edit: formatting*
",1ovcq4,52,Peeing Bullets,"['woman', 'pregnant', 'triplet', 'bank', 'sudden', 'robber', 'walk', 'start', 'shooting', 'place', 'woman', 'shot', 'get', 'rushed', 'hospital', 'surgery', 'recovery', 'doctor', 'come', 'tell', 'bullet', 'got', 'lodged', 'fetus', 'alright', 'bullet', 'find', 'way', 'naturally', 'year', 'year', 'later', 'one', 'kid', 'come', 'home', 'pale', 'scared', 'death', 'mom', 'asks', 'wrong', 'say', 'school', 'peeing', 'something', 'came', 'penis', 'mom', 'explains', 'everything', 'cool', 'couple', 'day', 'later', 'second', 'kid', 'come', 'home', 'story', 'explains', 'everything', 'well', 'sometime', 'later', 'third', 'kid', 'come', 'house', 'scared', 'death', 'cry', 'mom', 'asks', 'matter', 'honey', 'something', 'weird', 'happen', 'peeing', 'kid', 'responds', 'jerking', 'yard', 'suddenly', 'shot', 'dog', 'edit', 'formatting']","['peeing', 'bullet']","['woman', 'pregnant', 'triplet', 'bank', 'sudden', 'robber', 'walk', 'start', 'shooting', 'place', 'woman', 'shot', 'get', 'rushed', 'hospital', 'surgery', 'recovery', 'doctor', 'come', 'tell', 'bullet', 'got', 'lodged', 'fetus', 'alright', 'bullet', 'find', 'way', 'naturally', 'year', 'year', 'later', 'one', 'kid', 'come', 'home', 'pale', 'scared', 'death', 'mom', 'asks', 'wrong', 'say', 'school', 'peeing', 'something', 'came', 'penis', 'mom', 'explains', 'everything', 'cool', 'couple', 'day', 'later', 'second', 'kid', 'come', 'home', 'story', 'explains', 'everything', 'well', 'sometime', 'later', 'third', 'kid', 'come', 'house', 'scared', 'death', 'cry', 'mom', 'asks', 'matter', 'honey', 'something', 'weird', 'happen', 'peeing', 'kid', 'responds', 'jerking', 'yard', 'suddenly', 'shot', 'dog', 'edit', 'formatting', 'peeing', 'bullet']",91
"So when I was a kid, I was a total nerd. Excelled in class, but I was bullied a lot. There was this really cute girl in my class. I was absolutely in love. I introduced myself to her and we got to talking. She immediately friend zoned me. I'm hurt, but I'm like, whatever. She's amazing and man, if not today, then maybe tomorrow she'll change her mind. Until this asshole came along. 

He was one of the main people bullying me, and she decided to hook up with that asshole. I was really hurt, friend. Not going to lie. My pride was hurt. The entire time I was thinking, “Maybe it's a phase. She'll wake up one day and realize the guy she's with is a total douchebag.” But no. We grow up, and wouldn't you believe it? The girl MARRIES that guy. They have a kid and everything. Unbelievable.

I was in complete shock. I still liked this girl, and he clearly had no class, but my hands were tied. But there was a group of people I knew who really didn't like him. So I said, “Fuck it. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” I began to hang out with this group. Until the leader did something completely unacceptable.

He tried to kill the girl, her stupid husband, AND the baby. Somehow the child lived, but damn. That was really messed up. Anyway, after all of that stuff happened, I just moved on and became the Potions Master at Hogwarts. I still look after that child, though.",2r6qk8,52,Story Time,"['kid', 'total', 'nerd', 'excelled', 'class', 'bullied', 'lot', 'really', 'cute', 'girl', 'class', 'absolutely', 'love', 'introduced', 'got', 'talking', 'immediately', 'friend', 'zoned', 'hurt', 'like', 'whatever', 'amazing', 'man', 'today', 'maybe', 'tomorrow', 'change', 'mind', 'asshole', 'came', 'along', 'one', 'main', 'people', 'bullying', 'decided', 'hook', 'asshole', 'really', 'hurt', 'friend', 'going', 'lie', 'pride', 'hurt', 'entire', 'time', 'thinking', 'maybe', 'phase', 'wake', 'one', 'day', 'realize', 'guy', 'total', 'grow', 'would', 'believe', 'girl', 'marries', 'guy', 'kid', 'everything', 'unbelievable', 'complete', 'shock', 'still', 'liked', 'girl', 'clearly', 'class', 'hand', 'tied', 'group', 'people', 'knew', 'really', 'like', 'said', 'fuck', 'enemy', 'enemy', 'began', 'hang', 'group', 'leader', 'something', 'completely', 'unacceptable', 'tried', 'kill', 'girl', 'stupid', 'husband', 'baby', 'somehow', 'child', 'lived', 'damn', 'really', 'messed', 'anyway', 'stuff', 'happened', 'moved', 'became', 'potion', 'master', 'hogwarts', 'still', 'look', 'child', 'though']","['story', 'time']","['kid', 'total', 'nerd', 'excelled', 'class', 'bullied', 'lot', 'really', 'cute', 'girl', 'class', 'absolutely', 'love', 'introduced', 'got', 'talking', 'immediately', 'friend', 'zoned', 'hurt', 'like', 'whatever', 'amazing', 'man', 'today', 'maybe', 'tomorrow', 'change', 'mind', 'asshole', 'came', 'along', 'one', 'main', 'people', 'bullying', 'decided', 'hook', 'asshole', 'really', 'hurt', 'friend', 'going', 'lie', 'pride', 'hurt', 'entire', 'time', 'thinking', 'maybe', 'phase', 'wake', 'one', 'day', 'realize', 'guy', 'total', 'grow', 'would', 'believe', 'girl', 'marries', 'guy', 'kid', 'everything', 'unbelievable', 'complete', 'shock', 'still', 'liked', 'girl', 'clearly', 'class', 'hand', 'tied', 'group', 'people', 'knew', 'really', 'like', 'said', 'fuck', 'enemy', 'enemy', 'began', 'hang', 'group', 'leader', 'something', 'completely', 'unacceptable', 'tried', 'kill', 'girl', 'stupid', 'husband', 'baby', 'somehow', 'child', 'lived', 'damn', 'really', 'messed', 'anyway', 'stuff', 'happened', 'moved', 'became', 'potion', 'master', 'hogwarts', 'still', 'look', 'child', 'though', 'story', 'time']",117
It makes no scents! ,3qas2q,52,I don't know why people use odorless deodorant,"['make', 'scent']","['know', 'people', 'use', 'odorless', 'deodorant']","['make', 'scent', 'know', 'people', 'use', 'odorless', 'deodorant']",7
"
""I don't understand it!"" He said. ""They all worked fine when I tried them yesterday,""",1nxt45,52,Paddy's firework party was a complete disaster.,"['understand', 'said', 'worked', 'fine', 'tried', 'yesterday']","['paddy', 'firework', 'party', 'complete', 'disaster']","['understand', 'said', 'worked', 'fine', 'tried', 'yesterday', 'paddy', 'firework', 'party', 'complete', 'disaster']",11
"The other whale turns to him and says ""Dude you are so drunk.""",1gtkms,52,"Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says ""BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH""","['whale', 'turn', 'say', 'dude', 'drunk']","['two', 'whale', 'swimming', 'ocean', 'one', 'whale', 'open', 'mouth', 'say', 'beeeeeoooooouuuuuuugaa', 'boooooouuuuaaaaaaaaeeeooooh']","['whale', 'turn', 'say', 'dude', 'drunk', 'two', 'whale', 'swimming', 'ocean', 'one', 'whale', 'open', 'mouth', 'say', 'beeeeeoooooouuuuuuugaa', 'boooooouuuuaaaaaaaaeeeooooh']",16
he's now a seasoned veteran ,4xgcq1,52,Did you hear about the soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas?,"['seasoned', 'veteran']","['hear', 'soldier', 'survived', 'pepper', 'spray', 'mustard', 'gas']","['seasoned', 'veteran', 'hear', 'soldier', 'survived', 'pepper', 'spray', 'mustard', 'gas']",9
"and asks the Bartender "" How tall is a Penguin""?
To which bartender replies ""hmm, 2 feet""
Man: Don't they get any taller?
Bartender: 3 ft at most , no taller than that. Why?
Man : Shit, in that case i just drove over a nun.",2md8g0,52,A drunk man goes to a bar,"['asks', 'bartender', 'tall', 'penguin', 'bartender', 'reply', 'hmm', 'foot', 'man', 'get', 'taller', 'bartender', 'ft', 'taller', 'man', 'shit', 'case', 'drove', 'nun']","['drunk', 'man', 'go', 'bar']","['asks', 'bartender', 'tall', 'penguin', 'bartender', 'reply', 'hmm', 'foot', 'man', 'get', 'taller', 'bartender', 'ft', 'taller', 'man', 'shit', 'case', 'drove', 'nun', 'drunk', 'man', 'go', 'bar']",23
A procrastigator.,2uofdp,52,What do you call a lazy lizard?,['procrastigator'],"['call', 'lazy', 'lizard']","['procrastigator', 'call', 'lazy', 'lizard']",4
They give me the EBGBs.,4ggzmg,52,Do you know why I don't like simple chord progressions?,"['give', 'ebgbs']","['know', 'like', 'simple', 'chord', 'progression']","['give', 'ebgbs', 'know', 'like', 'simple', 'chord', 'progression']",7
She heard there were hung Aryans.,3xwxur,52,Why did the Nazi fräulein move to Budapest?,"['heard', 'hung', 'aryan']","['nazi', 'fräulein', 'move', 'budapest']","['heard', 'hung', 'aryan', 'nazi', 'fräulein', 'move', 'budapest']",7
"And the bartender says, ""We don't serve Noble Gasses in here!""

Argon does not react.",2k36at,52,Argon walks into a bar.,"['bartender', 'say', 'serve', 'noble', 'gas', 'argon', 'react']","['argon', 'walk', 'bar']","['bartender', 'say', 'serve', 'noble', 'gas', 'argon', 'react', 'argon', 'walk', 'bar']",10
"She looked at me, horrified, and replied, ""Absolutely not.""

""Must be your pussy then.""",4qbhmr,52,"The other day I was riding the bus, sitting next to a beautiful woman and I said, ""Ma'am, can I smell your feet?"" [nsfw]","['looked', 'horrified', 'replied', 'absolutely', 'must', 'pussy']","['day', 'riding', 'bus', 'sitting', 'next', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'said', 'smell', 'foot', 'nsfw']","['looked', 'horrified', 'replied', 'absolutely', 'must', 'pussy', 'day', 'riding', 'bus', 'sitting', 'next', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'said', 'smell', 'foot', 'nsfw']",17
You get your palm red for free ,42dj65,52,What's the advantage to fingering a gypsy on her period?,"['get', 'palm', 'red', 'free']","['advantage', 'fingering', 'gypsy', 'period']","['get', 'palm', 'red', 'free', 'advantage', 'fingering', 'gypsy', 'period']",8
"But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off ",33cagt,52,I know skinny jeans are fashionable...,"['slightly', 'chubby', 'man', 'ca', 'seem', 'able', 'pull']","['know', 'skinny', 'jean', 'fashionable']","['slightly', 'chubby', 'man', 'ca', 'seem', 'able', 'pull', 'know', 'skinny', 'jean', 'fashionable']",11
I wonder who will get custody of Johnny Depp.,2qbftz,52,So Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are to separate after 13 years together.,"['wonder', 'get', 'custody', 'johnny', 'depp']","['tim', 'burton', 'helena', 'bonham', 'carter', 'separate', 'year', 'together']","['wonder', 'get', 'custody', 'johnny', 'depp', 'tim', 'burton', 'helena', 'bonham', 'carter', 'separate', 'year', 'together']",13
His platform is lowering inflation.,3tu5d7,52,Did you hear that Tom Brady is running for president?,"['platform', 'lowering', 'inflation']","['hear', 'tom', 'brady', 'running', 'president']","['platform', 'lowering', 'inflation', 'hear', 'tom', 'brady', 'running', 'president']",8
"So on day, he says with an odious smile:

'Please, whoever thinks they're an idiot: stand up!'

Big silence, everyone remains seated. Suddenly, a young man stands up carefully.

'So, you think the appellation of ""idiot"" applies to you, do you?' asks Mr. Larkin in a derisory tone.

'Honestly? Not really. I just couldn't bear to see you stand alone, sir.'",4x1ih7,52,Mr. Larkin isn't satisfied with the performance of his class,"['day', 'say', 'odious', 'smile', 'whoever', 'think', 'idiot', 'stand', 'big', 'silence', 'everyone', 'remains', 'seated', 'suddenly', 'young', 'man', 'stand', 'carefully', 'think', 'appellation', 'idiot', 'applies', 'asks', 'larkin', 'derisory', 'tone', 'really', 'could', 'bear', 'see', 'stand', 'alone', 'sir']","['larkin', 'satisfied', 'performance', 'class']","['day', 'say', 'odious', 'smile', 'whoever', 'think', 'idiot', 'stand', 'big', 'silence', 'everyone', 'remains', 'seated', 'suddenly', 'young', 'man', 'stand', 'carefully', 'think', 'appellation', 'idiot', 'applies', 'asks', 'larkin', 'derisory', 'tone', 'really', 'could', 'bear', 'see', 'stand', 'alone', 'sir', 'larkin', 'satisfied', 'performance', 'class']",37
"The bus driver says: ""That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ""The driver just insulted me!"" The man says: ""You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.""

",1nigz8,52,A woman gets on a bus with her baby.,"['bus', 'driver', 'say', 'ugliest', 'baby', 'ever', 'seen', 'ugh', 'woman', 'go', 'rear', 'bus', 'sits', 'fuming', 'say', 'man', 'next', 'driver', 'insulted', 'man', 'say', 'go', 'right', 'tell', 'go', 'ahead', 'hold', 'monkey']","['woman', 'get', 'bus', 'baby']","['bus', 'driver', 'say', 'ugliest', 'baby', 'ever', 'seen', 'ugh', 'woman', 'go', 'rear', 'bus', 'sits', 'fuming', 'say', 'man', 'next', 'driver', 'insulted', 'man', 'say', 'go', 'right', 'tell', 'go', 'ahead', 'hold', 'monkey', 'woman', 'get', 'bus', 'baby']",32
Aftermath,4ytkun,52,What do mathematicians call retirement?,['aftermath'],"['mathematician', 'call', 'retirement']","['aftermath', 'mathematician', 'call', 'retirement']",4
"Re-runs. (ba-dum, tss)

It's just the same shit over and over again.",3hbki8,52,What do you call repetitive diarrhea?,"['tss', 'shit']","['call', 'repetitive', 'diarrhea']","['tss', 'shit', 'call', 'repetitive', 'diarrhea']",5
"A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest.  After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, ""I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."" ""What?"" screamed the man.  ""How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!""  With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing and prodding, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, ""Bark"". 

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, ""Meow."" He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.  The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk.  ""$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!""  

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. ""If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan....",4h0l4w,52,A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic,"['man', 'brought', 'limp', 'dog', 'veterinary', 'clinic', 'laid', 'dog', 'table', 'doctor', 'pulled', 'stethoscope', 'placing', 'receptor', 'dog', 'chest', 'moment', 'two', 'vet', 'shook', 'head', 'sadly', 'said', 'sorry', 'dog', 'passed', 'away', 'screamed', 'man', 'tell', 'done', 'testing', 'anything', 'want', 'another', 'opinion', 'vet', 'turned', 'left', 'room', 'moment', 'returned', 'labrador', 'retriever', 'retriever', 'went', 'right', 'work', 'sniffing', 'prodding', 'checking', 'poor', 'dead', 'dog', 'thoroughly', 'considerable', 'amount', 'sniffing', 'retriever', 'sadly', 'shook', 'head', 'said', 'bark', 'veterinarian', 'took', 'labrador', 'returned', 'moment', 'cat', 'also', 'checked', 'poor', 'dog', 'table', 'predecessor', 'cat', 'sadly', 'shook', 'head', 'said', 'meow', 'jumped', 'table', 'ran', 'room', 'veterinarian', 'handed', 'man', 'bill', 'dog', 'owner', 'went', 'berserk', 'tell', 'dog', 'dead', 'outrageous', 'vet', 'shook', 'head', 'sadly', 'explained', 'taken', 'word', 'would', 'lab', 'work', 'cat', 'scan']","['man', 'brought', 'limp', 'dog', 'veterinary', 'clinic']","['man', 'brought', 'limp', 'dog', 'veterinary', 'clinic', 'laid', 'dog', 'table', 'doctor', 'pulled', 'stethoscope', 'placing', 'receptor', 'dog', 'chest', 'moment', 'two', 'vet', 'shook', 'head', 'sadly', 'said', 'sorry', 'dog', 'passed', 'away', 'screamed', 'man', 'tell', 'done', 'testing', 'anything', 'want', 'another', 'opinion', 'vet', 'turned', 'left', 'room', 'moment', 'returned', 'labrador', 'retriever', 'retriever', 'went', 'right', 'work', 'sniffing', 'prodding', 'checking', 'poor', 'dead', 'dog', 'thoroughly', 'considerable', 'amount', 'sniffing', 'retriever', 'sadly', 'shook', 'head', 'said', 'bark', 'veterinarian', 'took', 'labrador', 'returned', 'moment', 'cat', 'also', 'checked', 'poor', 'dog', 'table', 'predecessor', 'cat', 'sadly', 'shook', 'head', 'said', 'meow', 'jumped', 'table', 'ran', 'room', 'veterinarian', 'handed', 'man', 'bill', 'dog', 'owner', 'went', 'berserk', 'tell', 'dog', 'dead', 'outrageous', 'vet', 'shook', 'head', 'sadly', 'explained', 'taken', 'word', 'would', 'lab', 'work', 'cat', 'scan', 'man', 'brought', 'limp', 'dog', 'veterinary', 'clinic']",116
"So, a man is sitting in a bar enjoying a few drinks.  Beside the man sits a bowl of pretzels.  After a little while the pretzels lean over to the man and say; 
""Hey good lookin.  Come here often?""
The man is pretty crept out, but ignores the pretzels and continues on in his drinking.  After a little while later the pretzels lean over again and say;
""Hey beautiful, mind if I buy you a drink?""
Having been sufficiently crept out at this point the man flags down the bartender and says;
""Hey man, what's up with these pretzels, they keep hitting on me.""
To which the bartender replies;
""Don't worry about the pretzels, they're complimentary.""",1o6ini,52,Told to me by my bartender last Saturday,"['man', 'sitting', 'bar', 'enjoying', 'drink', 'beside', 'man', 'sits', 'bowl', 'pretzel', 'little', 'pretzel', 'lean', 'man', 'say', 'hey', 'good', 'lookin', 'come', 'often', 'man', 'pretty', 'crept', 'ignores', 'pretzel', 'continues', 'drinking', 'little', 'later', 'pretzel', 'lean', 'say', 'hey', 'beautiful', 'mind', 'buy', 'drink', 'sufficiently', 'crept', 'point', 'man', 'flag', 'bartender', 'say', 'hey', 'man', 'pretzel', 'keep', 'hitting', 'bartender', 'reply', 'worry', 'pretzel', 'complimentary']","['told', 'bartender', 'last', 'saturday']","['man', 'sitting', 'bar', 'enjoying', 'drink', 'beside', 'man', 'sits', 'bowl', 'pretzel', 'little', 'pretzel', 'lean', 'man', 'say', 'hey', 'good', 'lookin', 'come', 'often', 'man', 'pretty', 'crept', 'ignores', 'pretzel', 'continues', 'drinking', 'little', 'later', 'pretzel', 'lean', 'say', 'hey', 'beautiful', 'mind', 'buy', 'drink', 'sufficiently', 'crept', 'point', 'man', 'flag', 'bartender', 'say', 'hey', 'man', 'pretzel', 'keep', 'hitting', 'bartender', 'reply', 'worry', 'pretzel', 'complimentary', 'told', 'bartender', 'last', 'saturday']",58
But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.,4nhhb8,52,My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend.,"['processing', 'finishing', 'sentence']","['identical', 'twin', 'brother', 'arrested', 'weekend']","['processing', 'finishing', 'sentence', 'identical', 'twin', 'brother', 'arrested', 'weekend']",8
"This fly is buzzing around a barn when he finds a huge pile of cow manure. ""Yum!"" says the fly and he buzzes down to it and gorges himself until he's so full that his wings can't carry him anymore.

""That's alright,"" thinks the fly, ""If I get a little air first then I'll be able to fly no problem."" So he finds a pitchfork leaning against the wall of the barn and climbs himself all the way to the top of it at the handle. With a heave he throws himself off the pitchfork, flaps his wings as hard as he can, but can't get any power and splats across the ground dead.

Moral: Never fly off the handle when you're full of shit.",1dfs5a,52,There's this fly buzzing around in a barn...,"['fly', 'buzzing', 'around', 'barn', 'find', 'huge', 'pile', 'cow', 'manure', 'yum', 'say', 'fly', 'buzz', 'gorge', 'full', 'wing', 'ca', 'carry', 'anymore', 'alright', 'think', 'fly', 'get', 'little', 'air', 'first', 'able', 'fly', 'problem', 'find', 'pitchfork', 'leaning', 'wall', 'barn', 'climb', 'way', 'top', 'handle', 'heave', 'throw', 'pitchfork', 'flap', 'wing', 'hard', 'ca', 'get', 'power', 'splat', 'across', 'ground', 'dead', 'moral', 'never', 'fly', 'handle', 'full', 'shit']","['fly', 'buzzing', 'around', 'barn']","['fly', 'buzzing', 'around', 'barn', 'find', 'huge', 'pile', 'cow', 'manure', 'yum', 'say', 'fly', 'buzz', 'gorge', 'full', 'wing', 'ca', 'carry', 'anymore', 'alright', 'think', 'fly', 'get', 'little', 'air', 'first', 'able', 'fly', 'problem', 'find', 'pitchfork', 'leaning', 'wall', 'barn', 'climb', 'way', 'top', 'handle', 'heave', 'throw', 'pitchfork', 'flap', 'wing', 'hard', 'ca', 'get', 'power', 'splat', 'across', 'ground', 'dead', 'moral', 'never', 'fly', 'handle', 'full', 'shit', 'fly', 'buzzing', 'around', 'barn']",61
...Only 15 pounds to go.,3ypw0c,52,At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds....,"['pound', 'go']","['beginning', 'year', 'made', 'new', 'year', 'resolution', 'lose', 'pound']","['pound', 'go', 'beginning', 'year', 'made', 'new', 'year', 'resolution', 'lose', 'pound']",10
Lack of originality ,4vg3up,52,How do you get to the front page of reddit ?,"['lack', 'originality']","['get', 'front', 'page', 'reddit']","['lack', 'originality', 'get', 'front', 'page', 'reddit']",6
Seaweed,2oca2f,52,How do fish get high?,['seaweed'],"['fish', 'get', 'high']","['seaweed', 'fish', 'get', 'high']",4
"...after some time a hot blonde walked up to me and asked:

-""What are you doing?""

-""Fishing""

-""Ok, I get what the fishing rod is for, but whats up with the brick?""

-""Oh, If you have sex with me, I'll tell you.""

She considered for a moment and agreed.

After 2 minutes, when I was done, she asked again:

-""So, now you have to tell me! Whats the brick for?""

-""oh, well... It is easier to fish with the brick.""

-""How come?""

-''You are my 4th catch today.''",29c2q5,52,"So, I once went fishing with a fishing pole and brick...","['time', 'hot', 'blonde', 'walked', 'asked', 'fishing', 'ok', 'get', 'fishing', 'rod', 'whats', 'brick', 'oh', 'sex', 'tell', 'considered', 'moment', 'agreed', 'minute', 'done', 'asked', 'tell', 'whats', 'brick', 'oh', 'well', 'easier', 'fish', 'brick', 'come', 'catch', 'today']","['went', 'fishing', 'fishing', 'pole', 'brick']","['time', 'hot', 'blonde', 'walked', 'asked', 'fishing', 'ok', 'get', 'fishing', 'rod', 'whats', 'brick', 'oh', 'sex', 'tell', 'considered', 'moment', 'agreed', 'minute', 'done', 'asked', 'tell', 'whats', 'brick', 'oh', 'well', 'easier', 'fish', 'brick', 'come', 'catch', 'today', 'went', 'fishing', 'fishing', 'pole', 'brick']",37
Attacked by a giant crab.,3b1gpi,52,"My wife's starsign was cancer, which makes how she died pretty ironic.","['attacked', 'giant', 'crab']","['wife', 'starsign', 'cancer', 'make', 'died', 'pretty', 'ironic']","['attacked', 'giant', 'crab', 'wife', 'starsign', 'cancer', 'make', 'died', 'pretty', 'ironic']",10
"Fred bought himself a new pair of cowboy boots that he had always wanted. He left them on after trying them on at the store. Upon arriving home, he walked in and said to Bertha ""notice anything different"". 

""nope""

Frustrated, Fred left the room and stripped down, leaving on nothing but his cowboy boots. He walked back to Bertha and said ""NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT NOW""

Bertha replied ""Nope, it's hanging now, was hanging this morning, and will be hanging again tomorrow""

Fred was about to lose it, he yelled out ""YA KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, IT'S LOOKIN AT MY NEW BOOTS""

Bertha looked him straight in the eye, without flinching and said 
""ya shoulda bought a hat""",1cjwo2,52,New cowboy boots,"['fred', 'bought', 'new', 'pair', 'cowboy', 'boot', 'always', 'wanted', 'left', 'trying', 'store', 'upon', 'arriving', 'home', 'walked', 'said', 'bertha', 'notice', 'anything', 'different', 'nope', 'frustrated', 'fred', 'left', 'room', 'stripped', 'leaving', 'nothing', 'cowboy', 'boot', 'walked', 'back', 'bertha', 'said', 'notice', 'anything', 'different', 'bertha', 'replied', 'nope', 'hanging', 'hanging', 'morning', 'hanging', 'tomorrow', 'fred', 'lose', 'yelled', 'ya', 'know', 'hanging', 'lookin', 'new', 'boot', 'bertha', 'looked', 'straight', 'eye', 'without', 'flinching', 'said', 'ya', 'shoulda', 'bought', 'hat']","['new', 'cowboy', 'boot']","['fred', 'bought', 'new', 'pair', 'cowboy', 'boot', 'always', 'wanted', 'left', 'trying', 'store', 'upon', 'arriving', 'home', 'walked', 'said', 'bertha', 'notice', 'anything', 'different', 'nope', 'frustrated', 'fred', 'left', 'room', 'stripped', 'leaving', 'nothing', 'cowboy', 'boot', 'walked', 'back', 'bertha', 'said', 'notice', 'anything', 'different', 'bertha', 'replied', 'nope', 'hanging', 'hanging', 'morning', 'hanging', 'tomorrow', 'fred', 'lose', 'yelled', 'ya', 'know', 'hanging', 'lookin', 'new', 'boot', 'bertha', 'looked', 'straight', 'eye', 'without', 'flinching', 'said', 'ya', 'shoulda', 'bought', 'hat', 'new', 'cowboy', 'boot']",68
What? Have you never rolled them down that far? ,3o8crg,52,TIL that condoms have serial numbers.,"['never', 'rolled', 'far']","['til', 'condom', 'serial', 'number']","['never', 'rolled', 'far', 'til', 'condom', 'serial', 'number']",7
But I couldn't find him on faithbook.com,2q7w52,52,Mike Tyson wanted me to add him online,"['could', 'find']","['mike', 'tyson', 'wanted', 'add', 'online']","['could', 'find', 'mike', 'tyson', 'wanted', 'add', 'online']",7
"We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon.
“He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to takeoff, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”
The cab driver hit a parked car.",1l0oky,52,Saying goodbye to mother,"['dressed', 'ready', 'go', 'new', 'year', 'eve', 'party', 'turned', 'night', 'light', 'turned', 'answering', 'machine', 'covered', 'pet', 'parakeet', 'put', 'cat', 'backyard', 'phoned', 'local', 'cab', 'company', 'requested', 'taxi', 'taxi', 'arrived', 'opened', 'front', 'door', 'leave', 'house', 'cat', 'put', 'yard', 'scoots', 'back', 'house', 'want', 'cat', 'shut', 'house', 'always', 'try', 'eat', 'bird', 'wife', 'go', 'taxi', 'went', 'inside', 'get', 'cat', 'cat', 'run', 'upstairs', 'hot', 'pursuit', 'waiting', 'cab', 'wife', 'want', 'driver', 'know', 'house', 'empty', 'night', 'explains', 'taxi', 'driver', 'soon', 'going', 'upstairs', 'say', 'goodbye', 'minute', 'later', 'get', 'cab', 'sorry', 'took', 'long', 'said', 'drove', 'away', 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hiding', 'bed', 'poke', 'coat', 'hanger', 'get', 'come', 'tried', 'takeoff', 'grabbed', 'neck', 'wrap', 'blanket', 'keep', 'scratching', 'worked', 'hauled', 'fat', 'as', 'downstairs', 'threw', 'back', 'yard', 'cab', 'driver', 'hit', 'parked', 'car']","['saying', 'goodbye', 'mother']","['dressed', 'ready', 'go', 'new', 'year', 'eve', 'party', 'turned', 'night', 'light', 'turned', 'answering', 'machine', 'covered', 'pet', 'parakeet', 'put', 'cat', 'backyard', 'phoned', 'local', 'cab', 'company', 'requested', 'taxi', 'taxi', 'arrived', 'opened', 'front', 'door', 'leave', 'house', 'cat', 'put', 'yard', 'scoots', 'back', 'house', 'want', 'cat', 'shut', 'house', 'always', 'try', 'eat', 'bird', 'wife', 'go', 'taxi', 'went', 'inside', 'get', 'cat', 'cat', 'run', 'upstairs', 'hot', 'pursuit', 'waiting', 'cab', 'wife', 'want', 'driver', 'know', 'house', 'empty', 'night', 'explains', 'taxi', 'driver', 'soon', 'going', 'upstairs', 'say', 'goodbye', 'minute', 'later', 'get', 'cab', 'sorry', 'took', 'long', 'said', 'drove', 'away', 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hiding', 'bed', 'poke', 'coat', 'hanger', 'get', 'come', 'tried', 'takeoff', 'grabbed', 'neck', 'wrap', 'blanket', 'keep', 'scratching', 'worked', 'hauled', 'fat', 'as', 'downstairs', 'threw', 'back', 'yard', 'cab', 'driver', 'hit', 'parked', 'car', 'saying', 'goodbye', 'mother']",118
"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" 

The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!""",4k20zj,52,"A husband and a wife sit at the table,","['husband', 'wife', 'sit', 'table', 'dinner', 'woman', 'drop', 'bit', 'tomato', 'sauce', 'white', 'top', 'och', 'look', 'like', 'pig', 'man', 'nod', 'dropped', 'tomato', 'sauce', 'top']","['husband', 'wife', 'sit', 'table']","['husband', 'wife', 'sit', 'table', 'dinner', 'woman', 'drop', 'bit', 'tomato', 'sauce', 'white', 'top', 'och', 'look', 'like', 'pig', 'man', 'nod', 'dropped', 'tomato', 'sauce', 'top', 'husband', 'wife', 'sit', 'table']",26
Bull dozer,4rx99n,52,What's yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?,"['bull', 'dozer']","['yellow', 'hurt', 'get', 'eye']","['bull', 'dozer', 'yellow', 'hurt', 'get', 'eye']",6
"
*     One human cell contains 75MB genetic information.
*     One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.
*     One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.
*     In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen.
*     This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Тerabyte/sec

This means that the female eggcell withstands this DDoS attack at 1,5 terabyte per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!

The downside of it is that this only small data package that it lets through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!
",2uugwl,52,"Women, the best freaking firewall in the world. (Xpost from r/funny )","['one', 'human', 'cell', 'contains', 'genetic', 'information', 'one', 'sperm', 'contains', 'half', 'one', 'ml', 'semen', 'contains', 'million', 'sperm', 'average', 'ejaculation', 'last', 'sec', 'contains', 'ml', 'semen', 'mean', 'throughput', 'man', 'member', 'equal', 'x', 'x', 'mean', 'female', 'eggcell', 'withstands', 'ddos', 'attack', 'terabyte', 'per', 'second', 'let', 'one', 'data', 'package', 'thereby', 'best', 'freaking', 'hardware', 'firewall', 'world', 'downside', 'small', 'data', 'package', 'let', 'hang', 'system', 'whole', 'month']","['woman', 'best', 'freaking', 'firewall', 'world', 'xpost']","['one', 'human', 'cell', 'contains', 'genetic', 'information', 'one', 'sperm', 'contains', 'half', 'one', 'ml', 'semen', 'contains', 'million', 'sperm', 'average', 'ejaculation', 'last', 'sec', 'contains', 'ml', 'semen', 'mean', 'throughput', 'man', 'member', 'equal', 'x', 'x', 'mean', 'female', 'eggcell', 'withstands', 'ddos', 'attack', 'terabyte', 'per', 'second', 'let', 'one', 'data', 'package', 'thereby', 'best', 'freaking', 'hardware', 'firewall', 'world', 'downside', 'small', 'data', 'package', 'let', 'hang', 'system', 'whole', 'month', 'woman', 'best', 'freaking', 'firewall', 'world', 'xpost']",64
"And he was carrying a TV. For a second I thought, *""hey, that looks like mine!""* but then I realized mine wears Adidas.",47ndpn,52,I saw a black guy running down the street,"['carrying', 'tv', 'second', 'thought', 'hey', 'look', 'like', 'mine', 'realized', 'mine', 'wear', 'adidas']","['saw', 'black', 'guy', 'running', 'street']","['carrying', 'tv', 'second', 'thought', 'hey', 'look', 'like', 'mine', 'realized', 'mine', 'wear', 'adidas', 'saw', 'black', 'guy', 'running', 'street']",17
So I beat him up and took his dinner money off him.,464e96,52,My wife told me to prepare our ginger son for his first day at school.,"['beat', 'took', 'dinner', 'money']","['wife', 'told', 'prepare', 'ginger', 'son', 'first', 'day', 'school']","['beat', 'took', 'dinner', 'money', 'wife', 'told', 'prepare', 'ginger', 'son', 'first', 'day', 'school']",12
...in grease,2fx8p2,52,Where were the first French fries made?,['grease'],"['first', 'french', 'fry', 'made']","['grease', 'first', 'french', 'fry', 'made']",5
"WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. 

USER: cabbage 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. 

USER: boiled cabbage 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage 
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 

USER: 50fuckingboiledcabbages 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 

USER: 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 

USER:50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. 

USER:ReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow 

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
",4jqlaz,52,Choosing Passwords,"['window', 'please', 'enter', 'new', 'password', 'user', 'cabbage', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'must', 'character', 'user', 'boiled', 'cabbage', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'must', 'contain', 'numerical', 'character', 'user', 'boiled', 'cabbage', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'blank', 'space', 'user', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'must', 'contain', 'least', 'one', 'upper', 'case', 'character', 'user', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'use', 'one', 'upper', 'case', 'character', 'consecutively', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'contain', 'punctuation', 'user', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'already', 'use']","['choosing', 'password']","['window', 'please', 'enter', 'new', 'password', 'user', 'cabbage', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'must', 'character', 'user', 'boiled', 'cabbage', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'must', 'contain', 'numerical', 'character', 'user', 'boiled', 'cabbage', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'blank', 'space', 'user', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'must', 'contain', 'least', 'one', 'upper', 'case', 'character', 'user', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'use', 'one', 'upper', 'case', 'character', 'consecutively', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'contain', 'punctuation', 'user', 'window', 'sorry', 'password', 'already', 'use', 'choosing', 'password']",64
how come they can't oppress an entire gender?,52uuog,52,If women are so equal to men...,"['come', 'ca', 'oppress', 'entire', 'gender']","['woman', 'equal', 'men']","['come', 'ca', 'oppress', 'entire', 'gender', 'woman', 'equal', 'men']",8
"Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn’t
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying IDIOT!! told you I was speeding too.",457ug8,52,Caught Speeding - Joke,"['woman', 'problem', 'officer', 'officer', 'speeding', 'woman', 'oh', 'see', 'officer', 'see', 'license', 'please', 'woman', 'give', 'one', 'officer', 'one', 'woman', 'lost', 'time', 'drunk', 'driving', 'officer', 'see', 'vehicle', 'registration', 'paper', 'please', 'woman', 'officer', 'woman', 'stole', 'car', 'officer', 'stole', 'woman', 'yes', 'killed', 'hacked', 'owner', 'officer', 'woman', 'body', 'part', 'plastic', 'bag', 'trunk', 'want', 'see', 'officer', 'look', 'woman', 'slowly', 'back', 'away', 'car', 'call', 'back', 'within', 'minute', 'police', 'car', 'circle', 'car', 'senior', 'officer', 'slowly', 'approach', 'car', 'clasping', 'half', 'drawn', 'gun', 'officer', 'could', 'step', 'vehicle', 'please', 'woman', 'step', 'vehicle', 'woman', 'problem', 'sir', 'officer', 'one', 'officer', 'told', 'stolen', 'car', 'murdered', 'owner', 'woman', 'murdered', 'owner', 'officer', 'yes', 'could', 'please', 'open', 'trunk', 'car', 'please', 'woman', 'open', 'trunk', 'revealing', 'nothing', 'empty', 'trunk', 'officer', 'car', 'woman', 'yes', 'registration', 'paper', 'first', 'officer', 'stunned', 'officer', 'one', 'officer', 'claim', 'driving', 'license', 'woman', 'dig', 'handbag', 'pull', 'clutch', 'purse', 'hand', 'officer', 'officer', 'snap', 'open', 'clutch', 'purse', 'examines', 'license', 'look', 'quite', 'puzzled', 'officer', 'thank', 'one', 'officer', 'told', 'license', 'stole', 'car', 'murdered', 'hacked', 'owner', 'woman', 'betcha', 'lying', 'idiot', 'told', 'speeding']","['caught', 'speeding', 'joke']","['woman', 'problem', 'officer', 'officer', 'speeding', 'woman', 'oh', 'see', 'officer', 'see', 'license', 'please', 'woman', 'give', 'one', 'officer', 'one', 'woman', 'lost', 'time', 'drunk', 'driving', 'officer', 'see', 'vehicle', 'registration', 'paper', 'please', 'woman', 'officer', 'woman', 'stole', 'car', 'officer', 'stole', 'woman', 'yes', 'killed', 'hacked', 'owner', 'officer', 'woman', 'body', 'part', 'plastic', 'bag', 'trunk', 'want', 'see', 'officer', 'look', 'woman', 'slowly', 'back', 'away', 'car', 'call', 'back', 'within', 'minute', 'police', 'car', 'circle', 'car', 'senior', 'officer', 'slowly', 'approach', 'car', 'clasping', 'half', 'drawn', 'gun', 'officer', 'could', 'step', 'vehicle', 'please', 'woman', 'step', 'vehicle', 'woman', 'problem', 'sir', 'officer', 'one', 'officer', 'told', 'stolen', 'car', 'murdered', 'owner', 'woman', 'murdered', 'owner', 'officer', 'yes', 'could', 'please', 'open', 'trunk', 'car', 'please', 'woman', 'open', 'trunk', 'revealing', 'nothing', 'empty', 'trunk', 'officer', 'car', 'woman', 'yes', 'registration', 'paper', 'first', 'officer', 'stunned', 'officer', 'one', 'officer', 'claim', 'driving', 'license', 'woman', 'dig', 'handbag', 'pull', 'clutch', 'purse', 'hand', 'officer', 'officer', 'snap', 'open', 'clutch', 'purse', 'examines', 'license', 'look', 'quite', 'puzzled', 'officer', 'thank', 'one', 'officer', 'told', 'license', 'stole', 'car', 'murdered', 'hacked', 'owner', 'woman', 'betcha', 'lying', 'idiot', 'told', 'speeding', 'caught', 'speeding', 'joke']",163
Shellfies ,3kuzc5,52,What kind of photos do turtles take?,['shellfies'],"['kind', 'photo', 'turtle', 'take']","['shellfies', 'kind', 'photo', 'turtle', 'take']",5
Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.,31f63l,52,How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?,"['yeasterday', 'died', 'tomorrow', 'risen']","['know', 'jesus', 'made', 'bread']","['yeasterday', 'died', 'tomorrow', 'risen', 'know', 'jesus', 'made', 'bread']",8
"....moves to the country. After about six months, he gets a little lonely for company so he's happy when a nearby farmer comes over. 
They're sitting on the porch having a couple beers when the farmer asks, 

*""Would you like to come to a party at my house next friday?""* 


Guy says, *""sure, sounds fun.""*  


Farmer says, *""But there'll probably be loud music.""*  
 

Guy says, *""Cool with me.""*  
 

Farmer says, *""And a lot of drinking, that's how it is.""*  
 

Guy looks at his beer and nods his head. 


Farmer says, *""Gotta watch out, sometimes there's a little fightin'.""*  
 

Guy says *""I can handle my own. Sounds fun.""*  
 

Farmer says, *""And if you're lucky, might be a little sex..""*  
 

Guy says *""Now I can't wait. Next friday? What should I wear?""*  
 

Farmer says, *""Whatever. Just gonna be you and me.""*  
",1giqlb,52,Guy gets sick of the rat race and...,"['move', 'country', 'six', 'month', 'get', 'little', 'lonely', 'company', 'happy', 'nearby', 'farmer', 'come', 'sitting', 'porch', 'couple', 'beer', 'farmer', 'asks', 'would', 'like', 'come', 'party', 'house', 'next', 'friday', 'guy', 'say', 'sure', 'sound', 'fun', 'farmer', 'say', 'probably', 'loud', 'music', 'guy', 'say', 'cool', 'farmer', 'say', 'lot', 'drinking', 'guy', 'look', 'beer', 'nod', 'head', 'farmer', 'say', 'got', 'ta', 'watch', 'sometimes', 'little', 'fightin', 'guy', 'say', 'handle', 'sound', 'fun', 'farmer', 'say', 'lucky', 'might', 'little', 'sex', 'guy', 'say', 'ca', 'wait', 'next', 'friday', 'wear', 'farmer', 'say', 'whatever', 'gon', 'na']","['guy', 'get', 'sick', 'rat', 'race']","['move', 'country', 'six', 'month', 'get', 'little', 'lonely', 'company', 'happy', 'nearby', 'farmer', 'come', 'sitting', 'porch', 'couple', 'beer', 'farmer', 'asks', 'would', 'like', 'come', 'party', 'house', 'next', 'friday', 'guy', 'say', 'sure', 'sound', 'fun', 'farmer', 'say', 'probably', 'loud', 'music', 'guy', 'say', 'cool', 'farmer', 'say', 'lot', 'drinking', 'guy', 'look', 'beer', 'nod', 'head', 'farmer', 'say', 'got', 'ta', 'watch', 'sometimes', 'little', 'fightin', 'guy', 'say', 'handle', 'sound', 'fun', 'farmer', 'say', 'lucky', 'might', 'little', 'sex', 'guy', 'say', 'ca', 'wait', 'next', 'friday', 'wear', 'farmer', 'say', 'whatever', 'gon', 'na', 'guy', 'get', 'sick', 'rat', 'race']",83
"It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, ""I'll be 16 tomorrow.""

""I know,"" said the butcher with a smile, ""I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face.""
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, ""Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!""",3gpwbg,52,Butcher Shop,"['many', 'year', 'ago', 'since', 'embarrassing', 'day', 'young', 'woman', 'baby', 'arm', 'entered', 'butcher', 'shop', 'confronted', 'news', 'baby', 'asked', 'going', 'finally', 'offered', 'provide', 'free', 'meat', 'boy', 'agreed', 'counting', 'year', 'calendar', 'one', 'day', 'teenager', 'collecting', 'meat', 'week', 'came', 'shop', 'said', 'tomorrow', 'know', 'said', 'butcher', 'smile', 'counting', 'tell', 'mother', 'take', 'parcel', 'meat', 'home', 'last', 'free', 'meat', 'get', 'watch', 'expression', 'face', 'boy', 'arrived', 'home', 'told', 'mother', 'woman', 'nodded', 'said', 'son', 'go', 'back', 'butcher', 'tell', 'also', 'free', 'bread', 'free', 'milk', 'free', 'grocery', 'last', 'year', 'watch', 'expression', 'face']","['butcher', 'shop']","['many', 'year', 'ago', 'since', 'embarrassing', 'day', 'young', 'woman', 'baby', 'arm', 'entered', 'butcher', 'shop', 'confronted', 'news', 'baby', 'asked', 'going', 'finally', 'offered', 'provide', 'free', 'meat', 'boy', 'agreed', 'counting', 'year', 'calendar', 'one', 'day', 'teenager', 'collecting', 'meat', 'week', 'came', 'shop', 'said', 'tomorrow', 'know', 'said', 'butcher', 'smile', 'counting', 'tell', 'mother', 'take', 'parcel', 'meat', 'home', 'last', 'free', 'meat', 'get', 'watch', 'expression', 'face', 'boy', 'arrived', 'home', 'told', 'mother', 'woman', 'nodded', 'said', 'son', 'go', 'back', 'butcher', 'tell', 'also', 'free', 'bread', 'free', 'milk', 'free', 'grocery', 'last', 'year', 'watch', 'expression', 'face', 'butcher', 'shop']",83
Seizure salad,44da69,52,What does an epileptic vegetarian eat?,"['seizure', 'salad']","['epileptic', 'vegetarian', 'eat']","['seizure', 'salad', 'epileptic', 'vegetarian', 'eat']",5
"A Quacker.

Just made that up and I will openly admit to being proud of myself.",2ncift,52,What do you call a white duck?,"['quacker', 'made', 'openly', 'admit', 'proud']","['call', 'white', 'duck']","['quacker', 'made', 'openly', 'admit', 'proud', 'call', 'white', 'duck']",8
You call that fellah a gummy bear.,3wro3j,52,What do you call a bear without teeth?,"['call', 'fellah', 'gummy', 'bear']","['call', 'bear', 'without', 'teeth']","['call', 'fellah', 'gummy', 'bear', 'call', 'bear', 'without', 'teeth']",8
"There are 3 constructions workers, a German guy, a black guy, and a Polish guy, atop an unfinished skyscraper 30 stories up. Lunch time rolls around so they break to get something to eat. 

The German guy opens his lunch pail and exclaims, ""Schnitzel! If I get schnitzel one more time I'm going to jump off this building!"" 

The black guy opens up his lunch pail and exclaims, ""Fried Chicken!, If I get fried chicken again I'm going to jump off this building!"" 

The Polish guy opens up his lunch pail and exclaims, ""Kielbasa!, If I get kielbasa again I'm going to jump off this building!""

The next day, up atop the building the 3 break for lunch once again.
The German guy opens his lunch pail, sees schnitzel again, and jumps.
The black guy opens his lunch pail, sees friend chicken again, and jumps.
The Polish guy opens his lunch pail, sees kielbasa again, and jumps.

At the funeral for the 3 workers the widow of each worker is in attendance.

The German guys widow, crying her eyes out, says, ""If I would have know he didn't want schnitzel any more I would have packed him something else!""

The black guys widow, crying her eyes out, says, ""If I would have know he didn't want fried chicken any more I would have packed him something else!""

The two widows look over at the Polish widow and she says, ""Don't look at me, he packed his own damn lunch!""",2ag9en,52,There are 3 constructions workers...,"['construction', 'worker', 'german', 'guy', 'black', 'guy', 'polish', 'guy', 'atop', 'unfinished', 'skyscraper', 'story', 'lunch', 'time', 'roll', 'around', 'break', 'get', 'something', 'eat', 'german', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'exclaims', 'schnitzel', 'get', 'schnitzel', 'one', 'time', 'going', 'jump', 'building', 'black', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'exclaims', 'fried', 'chicken', 'get', 'fried', 'chicken', 'going', 'jump', 'building', 'polish', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'exclaims', 'kielbasa', 'get', 'kielbasa', 'going', 'jump', 'building', 'next', 'day', 'atop', 'building', 'break', 'lunch', 'german', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'see', 'schnitzel', 'jump', 'black', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'see', 'friend', 'chicken', 'jump', 'polish', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'see', 'kielbasa', 'jump', 'funeral', 'worker', 'widow', 'worker', 'attendance', 'german', 'guy', 'widow', 'cry', 'eye', 'say', 'would', 'know', 'want', 'schnitzel', 'would', 'packed', 'something', 'else', 'black', 'guy', 'widow', 'cry', 'eye', 'say', 'would', 'know', 'want', 'fried', 'chicken', 'would', 'packed', 'something', 'else', 'two', 'widow', 'look', 'polish', 'widow', 'say', 'look', 'packed', 'damn', 'lunch']","['construction', 'worker']","['construction', 'worker', 'german', 'guy', 'black', 'guy', 'polish', 'guy', 'atop', 'unfinished', 'skyscraper', 'story', 'lunch', 'time', 'roll', 'around', 'break', 'get', 'something', 'eat', 'german', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'exclaims', 'schnitzel', 'get', 'schnitzel', 'one', 'time', 'going', 'jump', 'building', 'black', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'exclaims', 'fried', 'chicken', 'get', 'fried', 'chicken', 'going', 'jump', 'building', 'polish', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'exclaims', 'kielbasa', 'get', 'kielbasa', 'going', 'jump', 'building', 'next', 'day', 'atop', 'building', 'break', 'lunch', 'german', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'see', 'schnitzel', 'jump', 'black', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'see', 'friend', 'chicken', 'jump', 'polish', 'guy', 'open', 'lunch', 'pail', 'see', 'kielbasa', 'jump', 'funeral', 'worker', 'widow', 'worker', 'attendance', 'german', 'guy', 'widow', 'cry', 'eye', 'say', 'would', 'know', 'want', 'schnitzel', 'would', 'packed', 'something', 'else', 'black', 'guy', 'widow', 'cry', 'eye', 'say', 'would', 'know', 'want', 'fried', 'chicken', 'would', 'packed', 'something', 'else', 'two', 'widow', 'look', 'polish', 'widow', 'say', 'look', 'packed', 'damn', 'lunch', 'construction', 'worker']",137
"...and are found by tribe known to be unfriendly to outsiders.  The 3 explorers are bound and brought before the chief.  The great chief, with the whole village watching, declares the explorers each have a choice... Death! or Bulla Bulla!  The first explorer looks at the other two and says, ""well, nothing can be worse than death, I'll take Bulla Bulla..""  The whole village cheers and the first explorer is then stripped down, tied to a tree, and every man in the village screws his ass.  As the first explorer is nearly unconscious from pain and moaning on the ground, the second explorer is faced with a grave decision. He says, ""well, death looks like a good option, but he's still alive and I want to get out of this somehow, I guess I'll take Bulla Bulla.""  The whole village cheers even louder, and the second explorer is stripped, tied to a tree, and every man gets to screw his ass, only this time, they can last even longer cause they just had the first explorer.  This long and painful event finally comes to end, and the 1st and 2nd explorers are lying in a heap, looking like they'll never walk again.  The third guy is like, holy crap, screw that, I'll take death over that level of pain any day, just end it chief.  The Chief smiles, looks out at the expectant crowd and says, ""Death....

...by Bulla Bulla!!""

I'm sure there's many variations to this one, just heard one the other day, enjoy!",1linzu,52,3 explorers are lost in the amazon...,"['found', 'tribe', 'known', 'unfriendly', 'outsider', 'explorer', 'bound', 'brought', 'chief', 'great', 'chief', 'whole', 'village', 'watching', 'declares', 'explorer', 'choice', 'death', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'first', 'explorer', 'look', 'two', 'say', 'well', 'nothing', 'worse', 'death', 'take', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'whole', 'village', 'cheer', 'first', 'explorer', 'stripped', 'tied', 'tree', 'every', 'man', 'village', 'screw', 'as', 'first', 'explorer', 'nearly', 'unconscious', 'pain', 'moaning', 'ground', 'second', 'explorer', 'faced', 'grave', 'decision', 'say', 'well', 'death', 'look', 'like', 'good', 'option', 'still', 'alive', 'want', 'get', 'somehow', 'guess', 'take', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'whole', 'village', 'cheer', 'even', 'louder', 'second', 'explorer', 'stripped', 'tied', 'tree', 'every', 'man', 'get', 'screw', 'as', 'time', 'last', 'even', 'longer', 'cause', 'first', 'explorer', 'long', 'painful', 'event', 'finally', 'come', 'end', 'explorer', 'lying', 'heap', 'looking', 'like', 'never', 'walk', 'third', 'guy', 'like', 'holy', 'crap', 'screw', 'take', 'death', 'level', 'pain', 'day', 'end', 'chief', 'chief', 'smile', 'look', 'expectant', 'crowd', 'say', 'death', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'sure', 'many', 'variation', 'one', 'heard', 'one', 'day', 'enjoy']","['explorer', 'lost', 'amazon']","['found', 'tribe', 'known', 'unfriendly', 'outsider', 'explorer', 'bound', 'brought', 'chief', 'great', 'chief', 'whole', 'village', 'watching', 'declares', 'explorer', 'choice', 'death', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'first', 'explorer', 'look', 'two', 'say', 'well', 'nothing', 'worse', 'death', 'take', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'whole', 'village', 'cheer', 'first', 'explorer', 'stripped', 'tied', 'tree', 'every', 'man', 'village', 'screw', 'as', 'first', 'explorer', 'nearly', 'unconscious', 'pain', 'moaning', 'ground', 'second', 'explorer', 'faced', 'grave', 'decision', 'say', 'well', 'death', 'look', 'like', 'good', 'option', 'still', 'alive', 'want', 'get', 'somehow', 'guess', 'take', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'whole', 'village', 'cheer', 'even', 'louder', 'second', 'explorer', 'stripped', 'tied', 'tree', 'every', 'man', 'get', 'screw', 'as', 'time', 'last', 'even', 'longer', 'cause', 'first', 'explorer', 'long', 'painful', 'event', 'finally', 'come', 'end', 'explorer', 'lying', 'heap', 'looking', 'like', 'never', 'walk', 'third', 'guy', 'like', 'holy', 'crap', 'screw', 'take', 'death', 'level', 'pain', 'day', 'end', 'chief', 'chief', 'smile', 'look', 'expectant', 'crowd', 'say', 'death', 'bulla', 'bulla', 'sure', 'many', 'variation', 'one', 'heard', 'one', 'day', 'enjoy', 'explorer', 'lost', 'amazon']",141
"Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.

They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. ""Good afternoon, Fathers"" she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.

The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, ""Good morning Fathers.""

""Just a minute young lady."", says one of the priests. ""We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?""

The blonde replies, ""Don't you recognize me? I'm sister Katherine from the convent.""",4nndl0,52,2 Priests go to the beach...,"['vacationing', 'hawaii', 'two', 'priest', 'decide', 'wear', 'casual', 'clothes', 'wo', 'identified', 'clergy', 'buy', 'hawaiian', 'shirt', 'sandal', 'soon', 'head', 'beach', 'notice', 'gorgeous', 'blond', 'tiny', 'bikini', 'good', 'afternoon', 'father', 'say', 'stroll', 'men', 'stunned', 'know', 'clergy', 'later', 'day', 'buy', 'even', 'wilder', 'attire', 'consisting', 'surfer', 'short', 'tie', 'dyed', 'dark', 'glass', 'next', 'day', 'return', 'beach', 'fabulous', 'blond', 'wearing', 'string', 'bikini', 'pass', 'nod', 'politely', 'say', 'good', 'morning', 'father', 'minute', 'young', 'lady', 'say', 'one', 'priest', 'priest', 'proud', 'world', 'know', 'blonde', 'reply', 'recognize', 'sister', 'katherine', 'convent']","['priest', 'go', 'beach']","['vacationing', 'hawaii', 'two', 'priest', 'decide', 'wear', 'casual', 'clothes', 'wo', 'identified', 'clergy', 'buy', 'hawaiian', 'shirt', 'sandal', 'soon', 'head', 'beach', 'notice', 'gorgeous', 'blond', 'tiny', 'bikini', 'good', 'afternoon', 'father', 'say', 'stroll', 'men', 'stunned', 'know', 'clergy', 'later', 'day', 'buy', 'even', 'wilder', 'attire', 'consisting', 'surfer', 'short', 'tie', 'dyed', 'dark', 'glass', 'next', 'day', 'return', 'beach', 'fabulous', 'blond', 'wearing', 'string', 'bikini', 'pass', 'nod', 'politely', 'say', 'good', 'morning', 'father', 'minute', 'young', 'lady', 'say', 'one', 'priest', 'priest', 'proud', 'world', 'know', 'blonde', 'reply', 'recognize', 'sister', 'katherine', 'convent', 'priest', 'go', 'beach']",80
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.,3l0hk1,52,"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?","['someone', 'lay', 'awake', 'night', 'wondering', 'dog']","['get', 'cross', 'dyslexic', 'insomniac', 'agnostic']","['someone', 'lay', 'awake', 'night', 'wondering', 'dog', 'get', 'cross', 'dyslexic', 'insomniac', 'agnostic']",11
You have my Word!,3i63u1,52,"If I find out who stole my copy of MS office, I'll kill you...",['word'],"['find', 'stole', 'copy', 'm', 'office', 'kill']","['word', 'find', 'stole', 'copy', 'm', 'office', 'kill']",7
"Five people are on a plane, four guys and one girl. Suddenly the engine stalls and they crash. Miraculously all five of them survive the crash but are stranded on a small deserted island. Since these four guys will need to have their natural urges satisfied, they decided to make up a schedule. Each guy would get a week to dick the woman as much as possible, the next week another guy and so on. This arrangement works out great for years, satisfying both the guys and the nymphomaniac woman until she suddenly dies. The first month went by and it was really awful; second month was really bad; third month was almost unbearable; fourth month rolls around and the guys couldn't handle it anymore so they buried her.",1rvsm6,52,Four guys and one girl on a plane...,"['five', 'people', 'plane', 'four', 'guy', 'one', 'girl', 'suddenly', 'engine', 'stall', 'crash', 'miraculously', 'five', 'survive', 'crash', 'stranded', 'small', 'deserted', 'island', 'since', 'four', 'guy', 'need', 'natural', 'urge', 'satisfied', 'decided', 'make', 'schedule', 'guy', 'would', 'get', 'week', 'dick', 'woman', 'much', 'possible', 'next', 'week', 'another', 'guy', 'arrangement', 'work', 'great', 'year', 'satisfying', 'guy', 'nymphomaniac', 'woman', 'suddenly', 'dy', 'first', 'month', 'went', 'really', 'awful', 'second', 'month', 'really', 'bad', 'third', 'month', 'almost', 'unbearable', 'fourth', 'month', 'roll', 'around', 'guy', 'could', 'handle', 'anymore', 'buried']","['four', 'guy', 'one', 'girl', 'plane']","['five', 'people', 'plane', 'four', 'guy', 'one', 'girl', 'suddenly', 'engine', 'stall', 'crash', 'miraculously', 'five', 'survive', 'crash', 'stranded', 'small', 'deserted', 'island', 'since', 'four', 'guy', 'need', 'natural', 'urge', 'satisfied', 'decided', 'make', 'schedule', 'guy', 'would', 'get', 'week', 'dick', 'woman', 'much', 'possible', 'next', 'week', 'another', 'guy', 'arrangement', 'work', 'great', 'year', 'satisfying', 'guy', 'nymphomaniac', 'woman', 'suddenly', 'dy', 'first', 'month', 'went', 'really', 'awful', 'second', 'month', 'really', 'bad', 'third', 'month', 'almost', 'unbearable', 'fourth', 'month', 'roll', 'around', 'guy', 'could', 'handle', 'anymore', 'buried', 'four', 'guy', 'one', 'girl', 'plane']",78
"More than three because the basement is still dark!


*(Just heard this today, even though I know it's probably old!)*",22bgjc,52,How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?,"['three', 'basement', 'still', 'dark', 'heard', 'today', 'even', 'though', 'know', 'probably', 'old']","['many', 'dead', 'prostitute', 'take', 'screw', 'lightbulb']","['three', 'basement', 'still', 'dark', 'heard', 'today', 'even', 'though', 'know', 'probably', 'old', 'many', 'dead', 'prostitute', 'take', 'screw', 'lightbulb']",17
"An executive of a company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispering, ""Hello?""

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked,"" Is your daddy home?""

""Yes"", whispered the small voice.

""May I talk with him?"" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, ""No.""

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ""Is your mommy there?""

""Yes"", came the answer.

""May I talk with her?""

Again the small voice whispered, ""No"".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left at home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. ""Is there any one there besides you?"" the boss asked the child.

""Yes"" whispered the child, ""a policeman"".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked ""May I speak with the policeman""?

""No, he's busy"", whispered the child.

""Busy doing what?"", asked the boss.

""Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman"", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, ""What is that noise?""

""A hello-copper"", answered the whispering voice.

""What is going on there?"", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, ""The search team just landed the hello-copper"".

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, ""What are they searching for?""

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle........... ""Me"".",4sz5wb,52,Twisted Tyke,"['executive', 'company', 'needed', 'call', 'one', 'employee', 'urgent', 'problem', 'one', 'main', 'computer', 'dialed', 'employee', 'home', 'phone', 'number', 'greeted', 'child', 'whispering', 'hello', 'feeling', 'put', 'inconvenience', 'talk', 'youngster', 'bos', 'asked', 'daddy', 'home', 'yes', 'whispered', 'small', 'voice', 'may', 'talk', 'man', 'asked', 'surprise', 'bos', 'small', 'voice', 'whispered', 'wanting', 'talk', 'adult', 'bos', 'asked', 'mommy', 'yes', 'came', 'answer', 'may', 'talk', 'small', 'voice', 'whispered', 'knowing', 'likely', 'young', 'child', 'would', 'left', 'home', 'alone', 'bos', 'decided', 'would', 'leave', 'message', 'person', 'watching', 'child', 'one', 'besides', 'bos', 'asked', 'child', 'yes', 'whispered', 'child', 'policeman', 'wondering', 'cop', 'would', 'employee', 'home', 'bos', 'asked', 'may', 'speak', 'policeman', 'busy', 'whispered', 'child', 'busy', 'asked', 'bos', 'talking', 'daddy', 'mommy', 'fireman', 'came', 'whispered', 'answer', 'growing', 'concerned', 'even', 'worried', 'heard', 'sounded', 'like', 'helicopter', 'ear', 'piece', 'phone', 'bos', 'asked', 'noise', 'answered', 'whispering', 'voice', 'going', 'asked', 'bos', 'alarmed', 'awed', 'whispering', 'voice', 'child', 'answered', 'search', 'team', 'landed', 'alarmed', 'concerned', 'little', 'frustrated', 'bos', 'asked', 'searching', 'still', 'whispering', 'young', 'voice', 'replied', 'along', 'muffled', 'giggle']","['twisted', 'tyke']","['executive', 'company', 'needed', 'call', 'one', 'employee', 'urgent', 'problem', 'one', 'main', 'computer', 'dialed', 'employee', 'home', 'phone', 'number', 'greeted', 'child', 'whispering', 'hello', 'feeling', 'put', 'inconvenience', 'talk', 'youngster', 'bos', 'asked', 'daddy', 'home', 'yes', 'whispered', 'small', 'voice', 'may', 'talk', 'man', 'asked', 'surprise', 'bos', 'small', 'voice', 'whispered', 'wanting', 'talk', 'adult', 'bos', 'asked', 'mommy', 'yes', 'came', 'answer', 'may', 'talk', 'small', 'voice', 'whispered', 'knowing', 'likely', 'young', 'child', 'would', 'left', 'home', 'alone', 'bos', 'decided', 'would', 'leave', 'message', 'person', 'watching', 'child', 'one', 'besides', 'bos', 'asked', 'child', 'yes', 'whispered', 'child', 'policeman', 'wondering', 'cop', 'would', 'employee', 'home', 'bos', 'asked', 'may', 'speak', 'policeman', 'busy', 'whispered', 'child', 'busy', 'asked', 'bos', 'talking', 'daddy', 'mommy', 'fireman', 'came', 'whispered', 'answer', 'growing', 'concerned', 'even', 'worried', 'heard', 'sounded', 'like', 'helicopter', 'ear', 'piece', 'phone', 'bos', 'asked', 'noise', 'answered', 'whispering', 'voice', 'going', 'asked', 'bos', 'alarmed', 'awed', 'whispering', 'voice', 'child', 'answered', 'search', 'team', 'landed', 'alarmed', 'concerned', 'little', 'frustrated', 'bos', 'asked', 'searching', 'still', 'whispering', 'young', 'voice', 'replied', 'along', 'muffled', 'giggle', 'twisted', 'tyke']",150
"Just one, but it takes him 20 episodes.",4jyp92,52,How many Dragonball characters does it take to change a lightbulb?,"['one', 'take', 'episode']","['many', 'dragonball', 'character', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['one', 'take', 'episode', 'many', 'dragonball', 'character', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']",9
"Anything that makes people who aren't white Americans embarrassed or angry, is racist. ",2eou8z,52,A little Arab boy,"['anything', 'make', 'people', 'white', 'american', 'embarrassed', 'angry', 'racist']","['little', 'arab', 'boy']","['anything', 'make', 'people', 'white', 'american', 'embarrassed', 'angry', 'racist', 'little', 'arab', 'boy']",11
Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm.,1e0cok,52,How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb?,"['long', 'like', 'still', 'warm']","['long', 'take', 'necrophiliac', 'screw', 'light', 'bulb']","['long', 'like', 'still', 'warm', 'long', 'take', 'necrophiliac', 'screw', 'light', 'bulb']",10
"It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican telecom tycoon, entered the fourth grade. 

The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "" 

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. 

""Patrick Henry, 1775."" 

""Very good! Who said ""Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth"" ""? 

Again, no response except from Pedro: 

""Abraham Lincoln, 1863,"" said Pedro. 

The teacher snapped at the class, ""Class, you should be ashamed. Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."" 

She heard a loud whisper: ""Screw the Mexicans."" 

""Who said that?"" she demanded. 

Pedro put his hand up. ""Jim Bowie, 1836."" 

At that point, a student in the back said, ""I'm gonna puke."" 

The teacher glared and asked, ""All right! Now, who said that?"" 

Again, Pedro. ""George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."" 

Now furious, another student yelled, ""Oh yeah? Suck this!"" 

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, ""Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinski, 1997!"" 

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, ""You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."" 

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, ""Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."" 

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, ""Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"" 

Pedro whispered, ""Saddam Hussein, 2003. 
",4f771c,52,Smart Mexican,"['first', 'day', 'school', 'new', 'student', 'named', 'pedro', 'son', 'mexican', 'telecom', 'tycoon', 'entered', 'fourth', 'grade', 'teacher', 'said', 'let', 'begin', 'reviewing', 'american', 'history', 'said', 'liberty', 'give', 'death', 'saw', 'sea', 'blank', 'face', 'except', 'pedro', 'hand', 'patrick', 'henry', 'good', 'said', 'government', 'people', 'people', 'people', 'shall', 'perish', 'earth', 'response', 'except', 'pedro', 'abraham', 'lincoln', 'said', 'pedro', 'teacher', 'snapped', 'class', 'class', 'ashamed', 'pedro', 'new', 'country', 'know', 'history', 'heard', 'loud', 'whisper', 'screw', 'mexican', 'said', 'demanded', 'pedro', 'put', 'hand', 'jim', 'bowie', 'point', 'student', 'back', 'said', 'gon', 'na', 'puke', 'teacher', 'glared', 'asked', 'right', 'said', 'pedro', 'george', 'bush', 'japanese', 'prime', 'minister', 'furious', 'another', 'student', 'yelled', 'oh', 'yeah', 'suck', 'pedro', 'jumped', 'chair', 'waving', 'hand', 'shouting', 'teacher', 'bill', 'clinton', 'monica', 'lewinski', 'almost', 'mob', 'hysteria', 'someone', 'said', 'little', 'shit', 'say', 'anything', 'else', 'kill', 'pedro', 'frantically', 'yelled', 'top', 'voice', 'gary', 'condit', 'chandra', 'levy', 'teacher', 'fainted', 'class', 'gathered', 'around', 'floor', 'someone', 'said', 'oh', 'shit', 'big', 'trouble', 'pedro', 'whispered', 'saddam', 'hussein']","['smart', 'mexican']","['first', 'day', 'school', 'new', 'student', 'named', 'pedro', 'son', 'mexican', 'telecom', 'tycoon', 'entered', 'fourth', 'grade', 'teacher', 'said', 'let', 'begin', 'reviewing', 'american', 'history', 'said', 'liberty', 'give', 'death', 'saw', 'sea', 'blank', 'face', 'except', 'pedro', 'hand', 'patrick', 'henry', 'good', 'said', 'government', 'people', 'people', 'people', 'shall', 'perish', 'earth', 'response', 'except', 'pedro', 'abraham', 'lincoln', 'said', 'pedro', 'teacher', 'snapped', 'class', 'class', 'ashamed', 'pedro', 'new', 'country', 'know', 'history', 'heard', 'loud', 'whisper', 'screw', 'mexican', 'said', 'demanded', 'pedro', 'put', 'hand', 'jim', 'bowie', 'point', 'student', 'back', 'said', 'gon', 'na', 'puke', 'teacher', 'glared', 'asked', 'right', 'said', 'pedro', 'george', 'bush', 'japanese', 'prime', 'minister', 'furious', 'another', 'student', 'yelled', 'oh', 'yeah', 'suck', 'pedro', 'jumped', 'chair', 'waving', 'hand', 'shouting', 'teacher', 'bill', 'clinton', 'monica', 'lewinski', 'almost', 'mob', 'hysteria', 'someone', 'said', 'little', 'shit', 'say', 'anything', 'else', 'kill', 'pedro', 'frantically', 'yelled', 'top', 'voice', 'gary', 'condit', 'chandra', 'levy', 'teacher', 'fainted', 'class', 'gathered', 'around', 'floor', 'someone', 'said', 'oh', 'shit', 'big', 'trouble', 'pedro', 'whispered', 'saddam', 'hussein', 'smart', 'mexican']",146
"He finally works up the courage and looks his father in the eyes and says, ""Dad, I think I'm gay.""


Now the father is shocked by all this but he says to his son, ""Now that's quite a thought. Know that I'll love you no matter what, but I have to ask, why is it you think you're gay""


The son replies, ""Dad, I'm attracted to Bruce Campbell""

The father looks at him with the biggest smile on his face and starts laughing with tears in his eyes. He looks at his son and says, ""Oh my son, you're not gay, you're just human!""

",1ey2g9,52,So a son goes up to his dad one day looking very sheepish.,"['finally', 'work', 'courage', 'look', 'father', 'eye', 'say', 'dad', 'think', 'gay', 'father', 'shocked', 'say', 'son', 'quite', 'thought', 'know', 'love', 'matter', 'ask', 'think', 'gay', 'son', 'reply', 'dad', 'attracted', 'bruce', 'campbell', 'father', 'look', 'biggest', 'smile', 'face', 'start', 'laughing', 'tear', 'eye', 'look', 'son', 'say', 'oh', 'son', 'gay', 'human']","['son', 'go', 'dad', 'one', 'day', 'looking', 'sheepish']","['finally', 'work', 'courage', 'look', 'father', 'eye', 'say', 'dad', 'think', 'gay', 'father', 'shocked', 'say', 'son', 'quite', 'thought', 'know', 'love', 'matter', 'ask', 'think', 'gay', 'son', 'reply', 'dad', 'attracted', 'bruce', 'campbell', 'father', 'look', 'biggest', 'smile', 'face', 'start', 'laughing', 'tear', 'eye', 'look', 'son', 'say', 'oh', 'son', 'gay', 'human', 'son', 'go', 'dad', 'one', 'day', 'looking', 'sheepish']",51
"to screw in a lightbulb in a convent?




Nun.",1fm162,52,How many women does it take. . .,"['screw', 'lightbulb', 'convent', 'nun']","['many', 'woman', 'take']","['screw', 'lightbulb', 'convent', 'nun', 'many', 'woman', 'take']",7
0.81818,324o9e,52,You know what's pretty much the same as 9/11?,[],"['know', 'pretty', 'much']","['know', 'pretty', 'much']",3
You only get laid once.,4mrsgs,52,What's the saddest thing about being a chicken?,"['get', 'laid']","['saddest', 'thing', 'chicken']","['get', 'laid', 'saddest', 'thing', 'chicken']",5
"when a black man walks up to the urinal beside him and drops his trousers. Curious, the white man peaks down towards the black mans waist and exclaims ""Holy hell! That's the biggest pecker I've ever seen! How do I get one like that?"".
The black man chuckles and thinks for a moment and says: ""Well i'll tell you my trick: all you've got to do is tie one end of a string around it, and the other end around your ankle"".

A week later, the white man is back in the same bar and decides to go take a leak. He opens the bathroom door and is greeted by the same black man from the week before, washing his hands. 

""How are you making out with my trick?"" says the black man. The white man replies ""Great! I'm halfway there!"". The black man, in disbelief, says ""You mean it actually worked? How much did it grow?"".

The white man says ""None, but it's black!"".",25q9o5,52,So a white man is taking a leak in a bar bathroom..,"['black', 'man', 'walk', 'urinal', 'beside', 'drop', 'trouser', 'curious', 'white', 'man', 'peak', 'towards', 'black', 'man', 'waist', 'exclaims', 'holy', 'hell', 'biggest', 'pecker', 'ever', 'seen', 'get', 'one', 'like', 'black', 'man', 'chuckle', 'think', 'moment', 'say', 'well', 'tell', 'trick', 'got', 'tie', 'one', 'end', 'string', 'around', 'end', 'around', 'ankle', 'week', 'later', 'white', 'man', 'back', 'bar', 'decides', 'go', 'take', 'leak', 'open', 'bathroom', 'door', 'greeted', 'black', 'man', 'week', 'washing', 'hand', 'making', 'trick', 'say', 'black', 'man', 'white', 'man', 'reply', 'great', 'halfway', 'black', 'man', 'disbelief', 'say', 'mean', 'actually', 'worked', 'much', 'grow', 'white', 'man', 'say', 'none', 'black']","['white', 'man', 'taking', 'leak', 'bar', 'bathroom']","['black', 'man', 'walk', 'urinal', 'beside', 'drop', 'trouser', 'curious', 'white', 'man', 'peak', 'towards', 'black', 'man', 'waist', 'exclaims', 'holy', 'hell', 'biggest', 'pecker', 'ever', 'seen', 'get', 'one', 'like', 'black', 'man', 'chuckle', 'think', 'moment', 'say', 'well', 'tell', 'trick', 'got', 'tie', 'one', 'end', 'string', 'around', 'end', 'around', 'ankle', 'week', 'later', 'white', 'man', 'back', 'bar', 'decides', 'go', 'take', 'leak', 'open', 'bathroom', 'door', 'greeted', 'black', 'man', 'week', 'washing', 'hand', 'making', 'trick', 'say', 'black', 'man', 'white', 'man', 'reply', 'great', 'halfway', 'black', 'man', 'disbelief', 'say', 'mean', 'actually', 'worked', 'much', 'grow', 'white', 'man', 'say', 'none', 'black', 'white', 'man', 'taking', 'leak', 'bar', 'bathroom']",92
"*Papers, Please*",5r3ivd,52,What is Donald Trump's favorite video game?,"['paper', 'please']","['donald', 'trump', 'favorite', 'video', 'game']","['paper', 'please', 'donald', 'trump', 'favorite', 'video', 'game']",7
"Kid goes home and asks his dad - 
""What is the government?""

The dad replied - 
""Suppose I am the president, your mother is the congress, the maid is the workforce and your younger brother is the future"" 

and then, he leaves the room. Later at night, the kid heard his younger brother screaming. He wakes up to check out his brother and saw that his brother has shitted on his pants. The kid immediately runs up to his parents bedroom and through the keyhole, he saw that his mother was asleep and his dad was not in the room, he goes to call the maid and saw that his dad was screwing the maid and then he said -
 
""Oh, now I get it! The president is screwing the workforce, the congress is asleep and the future is full of shit"" ",349hr4,52,The teacher told the kid to ask his dad about the government.,"['kid', 'go', 'home', 'asks', 'dad', 'government', 'dad', 'replied', 'suppose', 'president', 'mother', 'congress', 'maid', 'workforce', 'younger', 'brother', 'future', 'leaf', 'room', 'later', 'night', 'kid', 'heard', 'younger', 'brother', 'screaming', 'wake', 'check', 'brother', 'saw', 'brother', 'shitted', 'pant', 'kid', 'immediately', 'run', 'parent', 'bedroom', 'keyhole', 'saw', 'mother', 'asleep', 'dad', 'room', 'go', 'call', 'maid', 'saw', 'dad', 'screwing', 'maid', 'said', 'oh', 'get', 'president', 'screwing', 'workforce', 'congress', 'asleep', 'future', 'full', 'shit']","['teacher', 'told', 'kid', 'ask', 'dad', 'government']","['kid', 'go', 'home', 'asks', 'dad', 'government', 'dad', 'replied', 'suppose', 'president', 'mother', 'congress', 'maid', 'workforce', 'younger', 'brother', 'future', 'leaf', 'room', 'later', 'night', 'kid', 'heard', 'younger', 'brother', 'screaming', 'wake', 'check', 'brother', 'saw', 'brother', 'shitted', 'pant', 'kid', 'immediately', 'run', 'parent', 'bedroom', 'keyhole', 'saw', 'mother', 'asleep', 'dad', 'room', 'go', 'call', 'maid', 'saw', 'dad', 'screwing', 'maid', 'said', 'oh', 'get', 'president', 'screwing', 'workforce', 'congress', 'asleep', 'future', 'full', 'shit', 'teacher', 'told', 'kid', 'ask', 'dad', 'government']",68
"One day a man complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I am going to see a doctor.”
His friend said, “Why don’t you try the new computer system in the hospital. It’s proven to be able to diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than any doctor. It’s incredible! You simply insert a sample of your urine and the system diagnoses your problem and then advise you what to do about it.”
The injured fella had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with his urine sample and went to the hospital. Finding the computer system he deposited the sample and awaited the computer systems diagnosis.
The system started making some noise and various lights started to flash and beep. After a short pause out popped a small slip of paper.
You have tennis elbow. Refrain from painful movements immediately. Apply ICE and HEAT three times per day. Visit a sports physiotherapist if pain persists after two to three weeks.

The man went home quite impressed with this, the latest advancement in medical technology. Later that evening he began to wonder how the system worked, and decided that he would test the new computers capabilities. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter and then masturbated into the concoction for added complexity.
He went back to the hospital’s computer system and poured in his new sample.
The system made the usual noises and after a short pause printed out the message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will NEVER get better!",2c9usy,52,The Best Diagnostician,"['one', 'day', 'man', 'complained', 'friend', 'elbow', 'really', 'hurt', 'going', 'see', 'friend', 'said', 'try', 'new', 'computer', 'system', 'hospital', 'proven', 'able', 'diagnose', 'anything', 'quicker', 'cheaper', 'doctor', 'incredible', 'simply', 'insert', 'sample', 'urine', 'system', 'diagnosis', 'problem', 'advise', 'injured', 'fella', 'nothing', 'lose', 'filled', 'jar', 'urine', 'sample', 'went', 'hospital', 'finding', 'computer', 'system', 'deposited', 'sample', 'awaited', 'computer', 'system', 'diagnosis', 'system', 'started', 'making', 'noise', 'various', 'light', 'started', 'flash', 'beep', 'short', 'pause', 'popped', 'small', 'slip', 'paper', 'tennis', 'elbow', 'refrain', 'painful', 'movement', 'immediately', 'apply', 'ice', 'heat', 'three', 'time', 'per', 'day', 'visit', 'sport', 'physiotherapist', 'pain', 'persists', 'two', 'three', 'week', 'man', 'went', 'home', 'quite', 'impressed', 'latest', 'advancement', 'medical', 'technology', 'later', 'evening', 'began', 'wonder', 'system', 'worked', 'decided', 'would', 'test', 'new', 'computer', 'capability', 'mixed', 'together', 'tap', 'water', 'stool', 'sample', 'dog', 'urine', 'sample', 'wife', 'daughter', 'masturbated', 'concoction', 'added', 'complexity', 'went', 'back', 'hospital', 'computer', 'system', 'poured', 'new', 'sample', 'system', 'made', 'usual', 'noise', 'short', 'pause', 'printed', 'message', 'tap', 'water', 'hard', 'get', 'water', 'softener', 'dog', 'worm', 'get', 'vitamin', 'daughter', 'using', 'cocaine', 'put', 'rehabilitation', 'clinic', 'wife', 'pregnant', 'twin', 'girl', 'get', 'lawyer', 'stop', 'jerking', 'tennis', 'elbow', 'never', 'get', 'better']","['best', 'diagnostician']","['one', 'day', 'man', 'complained', 'friend', 'elbow', 'really', 'hurt', 'going', 'see', 'friend', 'said', 'try', 'new', 'computer', 'system', 'hospital', 'proven', 'able', 'diagnose', 'anything', 'quicker', 'cheaper', 'doctor', 'incredible', 'simply', 'insert', 'sample', 'urine', 'system', 'diagnosis', 'problem', 'advise', 'injured', 'fella', 'nothing', 'lose', 'filled', 'jar', 'urine', 'sample', 'went', 'hospital', 'finding', 'computer', 'system', 'deposited', 'sample', 'awaited', 'computer', 'system', 'diagnosis', 'system', 'started', 'making', 'noise', 'various', 'light', 'started', 'flash', 'beep', 'short', 'pause', 'popped', 'small', 'slip', 'paper', 'tennis', 'elbow', 'refrain', 'painful', 'movement', 'immediately', 'apply', 'ice', 'heat', 'three', 'time', 'per', 'day', 'visit', 'sport', 'physiotherapist', 'pain', 'persists', 'two', 'three', 'week', 'man', 'went', 'home', 'quite', 'impressed', 'latest', 'advancement', 'medical', 'technology', 'later', 'evening', 'began', 'wonder', 'system', 'worked', 'decided', 'would', 'test', 'new', 'computer', 'capability', 'mixed', 'together', 'tap', 'water', 'stool', 'sample', 'dog', 'urine', 'sample', 'wife', 'daughter', 'masturbated', 'concoction', 'added', 'complexity', 'went', 'back', 'hospital', 'computer', 'system', 'poured', 'new', 'sample', 'system', 'made', 'usual', 'noise', 'short', 'pause', 'printed', 'message', 'tap', 'water', 'hard', 'get', 'water', 'softener', 'dog', 'worm', 'get', 'vitamin', 'daughter', 'using', 'cocaine', 'put', 'rehabilitation', 'clinic', 'wife', 'pregnant', 'twin', 'girl', 'get', 'lawyer', 'stop', 'jerking', 'tennis', 'elbow', 'never', 'get', 'better', 'best', 'diagnostician']",171
"He has been working hard all week and finally gets  a chance to go out and relax on the lake. 

He spends all afternoon out there and he manages to catch a dozen fish or so. He calls it a day and heads back to shore to gut and clean the fish.

The man finishes cleaning his last fish and begins to head back to his home. 

Passing a bridge, the man sees lights flash behind his vehicle and notices that he was speeding. He pulls off to the side of the road and the cop pulls up behind him.

The man rolls down his window and the cop steps out of his car. Already the cop is thinking to himself, what a low life, this man is covered in guts and he smells like trash. 

The cop steps outside the side of the window and asks the man, ""What do you even do for society?""

The man says in reply, ""Well sir, I'm an asshole stretcher.""

Seeing the cop looking baffled by the response, the man coninues to explain, ""I start with one finger, then two, three , four, then a fist, then two fists and eventually I can stretch an asshole out to about 6 feet.""

The cop still baffled replies, ""What in the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?""

The man replies, ""Stick him on the end of a bridge and give him a radar gun...""",4xosdr,52,So a man goes fishing...,"['working', 'hard', 'week', 'finally', 'get', 'chance', 'go', 'relax', 'lake', 'spends', 'afternoon', 'manages', 'catch', 'dozen', 'fish', 'call', 'day', 'head', 'back', 'shore', 'gut', 'clean', 'fish', 'man', 'finish', 'cleaning', 'last', 'fish', 'begin', 'head', 'back', 'home', 'passing', 'bridge', 'man', 'see', 'light', 'flash', 'behind', 'vehicle', 'notice', 'speeding', 'pull', 'side', 'road', 'cop', 'pull', 'behind', 'man', 'roll', 'window', 'cop', 'step', 'car', 'already', 'cop', 'thinking', 'low', 'life', 'man', 'covered', 'gut', 'smell', 'like', 'trash', 'cop', 'step', 'outside', 'side', 'window', 'asks', 'man', 'even', 'society', 'man', 'say', 'reply', 'well', 'sir', 'asshole', 'stretcher', 'seeing', 'cop', 'looking', 'baffled', 'response', 'man', 'coninues', 'explain', 'start', 'one', 'finger', 'two', 'three', 'four', 'fist', 'two', 'fist', 'eventually', 'stretch', 'asshole', 'foot', 'cop', 'still', 'baffled', 'reply', 'hell', 'six', 'foot', 'asshole', 'man', 'reply', 'stick', 'end', 'bridge', 'give', 'radar', 'gun']","['man', 'go', 'fishing']","['working', 'hard', 'week', 'finally', 'get', 'chance', 'go', 'relax', 'lake', 'spends', 'afternoon', 'manages', 'catch', 'dozen', 'fish', 'call', 'day', 'head', 'back', 'shore', 'gut', 'clean', 'fish', 'man', 'finish', 'cleaning', 'last', 'fish', 'begin', 'head', 'back', 'home', 'passing', 'bridge', 'man', 'see', 'light', 'flash', 'behind', 'vehicle', 'notice', 'speeding', 'pull', 'side', 'road', 'cop', 'pull', 'behind', 'man', 'roll', 'window', 'cop', 'step', 'car', 'already', 'cop', 'thinking', 'low', 'life', 'man', 'covered', 'gut', 'smell', 'like', 'trash', 'cop', 'step', 'outside', 'side', 'window', 'asks', 'man', 'even', 'society', 'man', 'say', 'reply', 'well', 'sir', 'asshole', 'stretcher', 'seeing', 'cop', 'looking', 'baffled', 'response', 'man', 'coninues', 'explain', 'start', 'one', 'finger', 'two', 'three', 'four', 'fist', 'two', 'fist', 'eventually', 'stretch', 'asshole', 'foot', 'cop', 'still', 'baffled', 'reply', 'hell', 'six', 'foot', 'asshole', 'man', 'reply', 'stick', 'end', 'bridge', 'give', 'radar', 'gun', 'man', 'go', 'fishing']",121
Now I drink for Evil.,4oumbj,52,I'm quitting drinking for good,"['drink', 'evil']","['quitting', 'drinking', 'good']","['drink', 'evil', 'quitting', 'drinking', 'good']",5
"Make lemonade

If life gives you melons...

You might be dyslexic.",4touok,52,If life gives you lemons...,"['make', 'lemonade', 'life', 'give', 'melon', 'might', 'dyslexic']","['life', 'give', 'lemon']","['make', 'lemonade', 'life', 'give', 'melon', 'might', 'dyslexic', 'life', 'give', 'lemon']",10
"I don't know, I just fly the drones. ",3aae16,52,What is the difference between a terrorist training camp and a Pakistani elementary school?,"['know', 'fly', 'drone']","['difference', 'terrorist', 'training', 'camp', 'pakistani', 'elementary', 'school']","['know', 'fly', 'drone', 'difference', 'terrorist', 'training', 'camp', 'pakistani', 'elementary', 'school']",10
How dairy.,34bbfu,52,My little brother just threw a milk carton at me..,['dairy'],"['little', 'brother', 'threw', 'milk', 'carton']","['dairy', 'little', 'brother', 'threw', 'milk', 'carton']",6
"A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says 
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!' 

I'll see myself out",1lk62n,52,"So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...","['border', 'guard', 'stop', 'see', 'one', 'correct', 'paper', 'say', 'whoa', 'whoa', 'juan', 'see']","['juan', 'pablo', 'jose', 'attempting', 'cross', 'border', 'legally']","['border', 'guard', 'stop', 'see', 'one', 'correct', 'paper', 'say', 'whoa', 'whoa', 'juan', 'see', 'juan', 'pablo', 'jose', 'attempting', 'cross', 'border', 'legally']",19
Still can't deliver. ,3164ds,52,OP is in labour.,"['still', 'ca', 'deliver']","['op', 'labour']","['still', 'ca', 'deliver', 'op', 'labour']",5
Oh dam,379pkb,52,What did the fish say when he accidentally swam into a wall?,"['oh', 'dam']","['fish', 'say', 'accidentally', 'swam', 'wall']","['oh', 'dam', 'fish', 'say', 'accidentally', 'swam', 'wall']",7
"The officer says, ""I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."" The driver says, ""Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ""Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.""

 As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"" The wife smiles demurely and says, ""Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.""

 As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ""Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?""

 The officer frowns and says, ""And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."" The driver says, ""Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it
 off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."" The wife says, ""Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.""

 And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, ""WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ""Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?""  ""Only when he's been drinking!!""",1wl2ik,52,A police officer pulls over a speeding car.,"['officer', 'say', 'clocked', 'mile', 'per', 'hour', 'sir', 'driver', 'say', 'gee', 'officer', 'cruise', 'control', 'perhaps', 'radar', 'gun', 'need', 'calibrating', 'looking', 'knitting', 'wife', 'say', 'silly', 'dear', 'know', 'car', 'cruise', 'control', 'officer', 'writes', 'ticket', 'driver', 'look', 'wife', 'growl', 'ca', 'please', 'keep', 'mouth', 'shut', 'wife', 'smile', 'demurely', 'say', 'well', 'dear', 'thankful', 'radar', 'detector', 'went', 'speed', 'would', 'higher', 'officer', 'make', 'second', 'ticket', 'illegal', 'radar', 'detector', 'unit', 'man', 'glower', 'wife', 'say', 'clenched', 'teeth', 'woman', 'ca', 'keep', 'mouth', 'shut', 'officer', 'frown', 'say', 'notice', 'wearing', 'seat', 'belt', 'sir', 'automatic', 'fine', 'driver', 'say', 'yeah', 'well', 'see', 'officer', 'took', 'pulled', 'could', 'get', 'license', 'back', 'pocket', 'wife', 'say', 'dear', 'know', 'well', 'seat', 'belt', 'never', 'wear', 'seat', 'belt', 'driving', 'police', 'officer', 'writing', 'third', 'ticket', 'driver', 'turn', 'wife', 'bark', 'please', 'shut', 'officer', 'look', 'woman', 'asks', 'husband', 'always', 'talk', 'way', 'drinking']","['police', 'officer', 'pull', 'speeding', 'car']","['officer', 'say', 'clocked', 'mile', 'per', 'hour', 'sir', 'driver', 'say', 'gee', 'officer', 'cruise', 'control', 'perhaps', 'radar', 'gun', 'need', 'calibrating', 'looking', 'knitting', 'wife', 'say', 'silly', 'dear', 'know', 'car', 'cruise', 'control', 'officer', 'writes', 'ticket', 'driver', 'look', 'wife', 'growl', 'ca', 'please', 'keep', 'mouth', 'shut', 'wife', 'smile', 'demurely', 'say', 'well', 'dear', 'thankful', 'radar', 'detector', 'went', 'speed', 'would', 'higher', 'officer', 'make', 'second', 'ticket', 'illegal', 'radar', 'detector', 'unit', 'man', 'glower', 'wife', 'say', 'clenched', 'teeth', 'woman', 'ca', 'keep', 'mouth', 'shut', 'officer', 'frown', 'say', 'notice', 'wearing', 'seat', 'belt', 'sir', 'automatic', 'fine', 'driver', 'say', 'yeah', 'well', 'see', 'officer', 'took', 'pulled', 'could', 'get', 'license', 'back', 'pocket', 'wife', 'say', 'dear', 'know', 'well', 'seat', 'belt', 'never', 'wear', 'seat', 'belt', 'driving', 'police', 'officer', 'writing', 'third', 'ticket', 'driver', 'turn', 'wife', 'bark', 'please', 'shut', 'officer', 'look', 'woman', 'asks', 'husband', 'always', 'talk', 'way', 'drinking', 'police', 'officer', 'pull', 'speeding', 'car']",132
"A little ironic, since he's universally remembered for being a huge dick. 



",47ncl3,52,"Records have revealed that Hitler had a ""deformed micropenis""...","['little', 'ironic', 'since', 'universally', 'remembered', 'huge', 'dick']","['record', 'revealed', 'hitler', 'deformed', 'micropenis']","['little', 'ironic', 'since', 'universally', 'remembered', 'huge', 'dick', 'record', 'revealed', 'hitler', 'deformed', 'micropenis']",12
Because they finish each other's sentences,4qt3kt,52,Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?,"['finish', 'sentence']","['husband', 'go', 'jail', 'crime', 'wife', 'committed']","['finish', 'sentence', 'husband', 'go', 'jail', 'crime', 'wife', 'committed']",8
Dr. Dre,3ewara,52,What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?,['dre'],"['brown', 'rhyme', 'snoop']","['dre', 'brown', 'rhyme', 'snoop']",4
Because he has little legs.,1n8a7v,52,What is E.T short for?,"['little', 'leg']",['short'],"['little', 'leg', 'short']",3
"President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, ""Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?""

Cashier:
""It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?""

Obama:
""Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!""

Cashier:
""Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.""

Obama:
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.""

Cashier:
""I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.""

Obama:
""I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for Valentine’s Day""

Cashier:
""Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.”
“Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where as the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?""

Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, ""Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”
Cashier:
""Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?",2dmmyk,52,The Comical Conservative,"['president', 'obama', 'walk', 'local', 'bank', 'chicago', 'cash', 'check', 'surrounded', 'secret', 'service', 'agent', 'approach', 'cashier', 'say', 'good', 'morning', 'could', 'please', 'cash', 'check', 'cashier', 'would', 'pleasure', 'sir', 'could', 'please', 'show', 'id', 'obama', 'truthfully', 'bring', 'id', 'think', 'need', 'president', 'barack', 'obama', 'president', 'united', 'state', 'america', 'cashier', 'yes', 'sir', 'know', 'regulation', 'monitoring', 'bank', 'impostor', 'forger', 'money', 'laundering', 'bad', 'mortgage', 'underwriting', 'mention', 'requirement', 'legislation', 'must', 'insist', 'seeing', 'id', 'obama', 'ask', 'anyone', 'bank', 'tell', 'everybody', 'know', 'cashier', 'sorry', 'president', 'bank', 'rule', 'must', 'follow', 'obama', 'urging', 'please', 'cash', 'check', 'need', 'buy', 'gift', 'michelle', 'valentine', 'day', 'cashier', 'look', 'president', 'example', 'one', 'day', 'tiger', 'wood', 'came', 'one', 'bank', 'branch', 'without', 'id', 'prove', 'tiger', 'wood', 'pulled', 'putter', 'made', 'beautiful', 'shot', 'across', 'bank', 'coffee', 'cup', 'shot', 'knew', 'tiger', 'wood', 'cashed', 'another', 'time', 'andre', 'agassi', 'came', 'place', 'without', 'id', 'pulled', 'tennis', 'racquet', 'made', 'fabulous', 'shot', 'tennis', 'ball', 'landed', 'coffee', 'cup', 'shot', 'cashed', 'check', 'president', 'prove', 'president', 'united', 'state', 'obama', 'obama', 'stand', 'thinking', 'thinking', 'finally', 'say', 'honestly', 'mind', 'total', 'blank', 'nothing', 'come', 'mind', 'ca', 'think', 'single', 'thing', 'absolutely', 'idea', 'cashier', 'large', 'small', 'bill', 'president']","['comical', 'conservative']","['president', 'obama', 'walk', 'local', 'bank', 'chicago', 'cash', 'check', 'surrounded', 'secret', 'service', 'agent', 'approach', 'cashier', 'say', 'good', 'morning', 'could', 'please', 'cash', 'check', 'cashier', 'would', 'pleasure', 'sir', 'could', 'please', 'show', 'id', 'obama', 'truthfully', 'bring', 'id', 'think', 'need', 'president', 'barack', 'obama', 'president', 'united', 'state', 'america', 'cashier', 'yes', 'sir', 'know', 'regulation', 'monitoring', 'bank', 'impostor', 'forger', 'money', 'laundering', 'bad', 'mortgage', 'underwriting', 'mention', 'requirement', 'legislation', 'must', 'insist', 'seeing', 'id', 'obama', 'ask', 'anyone', 'bank', 'tell', 'everybody', 'know', 'cashier', 'sorry', 'president', 'bank', 'rule', 'must', 'follow', 'obama', 'urging', 'please', 'cash', 'check', 'need', 'buy', 'gift', 'michelle', 'valentine', 'day', 'cashier', 'look', 'president', 'example', 'one', 'day', 'tiger', 'wood', 'came', 'one', 'bank', 'branch', 'without', 'id', 'prove', 'tiger', 'wood', 'pulled', 'putter', 'made', 'beautiful', 'shot', 'across', 'bank', 'coffee', 'cup', 'shot', 'knew', 'tiger', 'wood', 'cashed', 'another', 'time', 'andre', 'agassi', 'came', 'place', 'without', 'id', 'pulled', 'tennis', 'racquet', 'made', 'fabulous', 'shot', 'tennis', 'ball', 'landed', 'coffee', 'cup', 'shot', 'cashed', 'check', 'president', 'prove', 'president', 'united', 'state', 'obama', 'obama', 'stand', 'thinking', 'thinking', 'finally', 'say', 'honestly', 'mind', 'total', 'blank', 'nothing', 'come', 'mind', 'ca', 'think', 'single', 'thing', 'absolutely', 'idea', 'cashier', 'large', 'small', 'bill', 'president', 'comical', 'conservative']",173
I had to put my foot down,432r6m,52,My SO told me that I should stop pretending to be a flamingo,"['put', 'foot']","['told', 'stop', 'pretending', 'flamingo']","['put', 'foot', 'told', 'stop', 'pretending', 'flamingo']",6
"He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road. 

She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, ""I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind...""

Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, ""How many fingers do I have up?""

""Oh my God,"" she says. ""I'm not paralyzed too, am I?!?""",4g1jqr,52,A guy driving down the road hits a prostitute with his car,"['immediately', 'stop', 'car', 'jump', 'run', 'lady', 'lying', 'back', 'road', 'groaning', 'pain', 'mumble', 'think', 'blind', 'think', 'blind', 'quickly', 'guy', 'hold', 'three', 'finger', 'front', 'say', 'many', 'finger', 'oh', 'god', 'say', 'paralyzed']","['guy', 'driving', 'road', 'hit', 'prostitute', 'car']","['immediately', 'stop', 'car', 'jump', 'run', 'lady', 'lying', 'back', 'road', 'groaning', 'pain', 'mumble', 'think', 'blind', 'think', 'blind', 'quickly', 'guy', 'hold', 'three', 'finger', 'front', 'say', 'many', 'finger', 'oh', 'god', 'say', 'paralyzed', 'guy', 'driving', 'road', 'hit', 'prostitute', 'car']",35
"The ones who understand binary, and the ones who get laid.",5qpey7,52,There are 10 types of people in this world...,"['one', 'understand', 'binary', 'one', 'get', 'laid']","['type', 'people', 'world']","['one', 'understand', 'binary', 'one', 'get', 'laid', 'type', 'people', 'world']",9
They still haven't figured out how to screw in the lightbulb,49x9ih,52,What's so dark about blonde jokes?,"['still', 'figured', 'screw', 'lightbulb']","['dark', 'blonde', 'joke']","['still', 'figured', 'screw', 'lightbulb', 'dark', 'blonde', 'joke']",7
It is not the guy I have problem with but the fan club freaks me out.,4aoozf,52,To me Bernie Sanders is more like God,"['guy', 'problem', 'fan', 'club', 'freak']","['bernie', 'sander', 'like', 'god']","['guy', 'problem', 'fan', 'club', 'freak', 'bernie', 'sander', 'like', 'god']",9
"He asks, ""Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?"" The bartender laughs and says, ""Sorry, we only have plain chips.""",31tnza,52,An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.,"['asks', 'helicopter', 'flavored', 'potato', 'chip', 'bartender', 'laugh', 'say', 'sorry', 'plain', 'chip']","['aviation', 'enthusiast', 'enters', 'bar']","['asks', 'helicopter', 'flavored', 'potato', 'chip', 'bartender', 'laugh', 'say', 'sorry', 'plain', 'chip', 'aviation', 'enthusiast', 'enters', 'bar']",15
Trespassers ,3p36ut,52,What do you call 3 mexicans breaking into somewhere?,['trespasser'],"['call', 'mexican', 'breaking', 'somewhere']","['trespasser', 'call', 'mexican', 'breaking', 'somewhere']",5
"The boy says ""first shot's on me"" 

The gorilla replies ""nah,  I got this"" ",4mrvfk,52,A boy and a gorilla walk into a bar...,"['boy', 'say', 'first', 'shot', 'gorilla', 'reply', 'nah', 'got']","['boy', 'gorilla', 'walk', 'bar']","['boy', 'say', 'first', 'shot', 'gorilla', 'reply', 'nah', 'got', 'boy', 'gorilla', 'walk', 'bar']",12
"He picks the dog up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head. 

The manager runs to him and asks what he's doing...? 

""Just having a look around thanks"" he replies.",34ec8x,52,A blind man and his guide dog go into a supermarket,"['pick', 'dog', 'tail', 'start', 'swinging', 'around', 'head', 'manager', 'run', 'asks', 'look', 'around', 'thanks', 'reply']","['blind', 'man', 'guide', 'dog', 'go', 'supermarket']","['pick', 'dog', 'tail', 'start', 'swinging', 'around', 'head', 'manager', 'run', 'asks', 'look', 'around', 'thanks', 'reply', 'blind', 'man', 'guide', 'dog', 'go', 'supermarket']",20
They both let me stick it in only one place.,51q61s,52,What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?,"['let', 'stick', 'one', 'place']","['similarity', 'iphone', 'girlfriend']","['let', 'stick', 'one', 'place', 'similarity', 'iphone', 'girlfriend']",7
A flightoplankton.,48q4ri,52,What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?,['flightoplankton'],"['call', 'jellyfish', 'plane']","['flightoplankton', 'call', 'jellyfish', 'plane']",4
"His hair is a mess

His family is nuts

His neighbour is an asshole

And, his owner beats him.",2hy09h,52,A dick has a sad life,"['hair', 'mess', 'family', 'nut', 'neighbour', 'asshole', 'owner', 'beat']","['dick', 'sad', 'life']","['hair', 'mess', 'family', 'nut', 'neighbour', 'asshole', 'owner', 'beat', 'dick', 'sad', 'life']",11
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.,4m6cyt,52,You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.,"['need', 'parachute', 'go', 'skydiving', 'twice']","['need', 'parachute', 'go', 'skydiving']","['need', 'parachute', 'go', 'skydiving', 'twice', 'need', 'parachute', 'go', 'skydiving']",9
You will be mist.,4j9ur5,52,RIP Boiled Water,['mist'],"['rip', 'boiled', 'water']","['mist', 'rip', 'boiled', 'water']",4
Figuring out what to tell you about first.,2gsv7t,52,What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard?,"['figuring', 'tell', 'first']","['hardest', 'thing', 'vegan', 'crossfitter', 'went', 'harvard']","['figuring', 'tell', 'first', 'hardest', 'thing', 'vegan', 'crossfitter', 'went', 'harvard']",9
"A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders himself a drink. Looking next to him, he notices that there is a jar full of just $10 bills. He asks the barman what the jar is for, the barman says ""Well, we've got this sort of running contest going on here""
The man, intrigued, asks him to go on. He continues, ""The contest is 2 things, first, out back we've got a dog. It's rabid, foaming at the mouth and vicious. It also has a loose tooth, you've got to go back there and pull out that tooth. The second part, is that upstairs in the bedroom is a prostitute, riddled with chlamydia aids and whatever else you can think of. You've got to go up there and screw her good. Once you've done both of these things, you win all the money in the jar!"" 

The man thinks about it for a moment, and says"" you know what, I think I'll pass. That all just sounds too risky to me."" 

Well, after several more drinks, he's thinkin' that little contest can't be all that hard! Several more drinks go by and he decides to go ahead and give it a shot. He drops his $10 in the jar, and walks out back. 

Now from inside, all the barman can hear is a pounding sound and what he thinks is whimpering and whining coming from the dog. The man Bursts back into the bar, sweaty and looking worn out and flushed, and he yells ""Now where's the whore with the loose tooth!"" 

-Credit to my father. I've got a lot more like this :) ",2ikda1,52,A Man Walks into A Bar (long) [NSFW],"['man', 'walk', 'bar', 'sits', 'order', 'drink', 'looking', 'next', 'notice', 'jar', 'full', 'bill', 'asks', 'barman', 'jar', 'barman', 'say', 'well', 'got', 'sort', 'running', 'contest', 'going', 'man', 'intrigued', 'asks', 'go', 'continues', 'contest', 'thing', 'first', 'back', 'got', 'dog', 'rabid', 'foaming', 'mouth', 'vicious', 'also', 'loose', 'tooth', 'got', 'go', 'back', 'pull', 'tooth', 'second', 'part', 'upstairs', 'bedroom', 'prostitute', 'riddled', 'chlamydia', 'aid', 'whatever', 'else', 'think', 'got', 'go', 'screw', 'good', 'done', 'thing', 'win', 'money', 'jar', 'man', 'think', 'moment', 'say', 'know', 'think', 'pas', 'sound', 'risky', 'well', 'several', 'drink', 'thinkin', 'little', 'contest', 'ca', 'hard', 'several', 'drink', 'go', 'decides', 'go', 'ahead', 'give', 'shot', 'drop', 'jar', 'walk', 'back', 'inside', 'barman', 'hear', 'pounding', 'sound', 'think', 'whimpering', 'whining', 'coming', 'dog', 'man', 'burst', 'back', 'bar', 'sweaty', 'looking', 'worn', 'flushed', 'yell', 'whore', 'loose', 'tooth', 'father', 'got', 'lot', 'like']","['man', 'walk', 'bar', 'long', 'nsfw']","['man', 'walk', 'bar', 'sits', 'order', 'drink', 'looking', 'next', 'notice', 'jar', 'full', 'bill', 'asks', 'barman', 'jar', 'barman', 'say', 'well', 'got', 'sort', 'running', 'contest', 'going', 'man', 'intrigued', 'asks', 'go', 'continues', 'contest', 'thing', 'first', 'back', 'got', 'dog', 'rabid', 'foaming', 'mouth', 'vicious', 'also', 'loose', 'tooth', 'got', 'go', 'back', 'pull', 'tooth', 'second', 'part', 'upstairs', 'bedroom', 'prostitute', 'riddled', 'chlamydia', 'aid', 'whatever', 'else', 'think', 'got', 'go', 'screw', 'good', 'done', 'thing', 'win', 'money', 'jar', 'man', 'think', 'moment', 'say', 'know', 'think', 'pas', 'sound', 'risky', 'well', 'several', 'drink', 'thinkin', 'little', 'contest', 'ca', 'hard', 'several', 'drink', 'go', 'decides', 'go', 'ahead', 'give', 'shot', 'drop', 'jar', 'walk', 'back', 'inside', 'barman', 'hear', 'pounding', 'sound', 'think', 'whimpering', 'whining', 'coming', 'dog', 'man', 'burst', 'back', 'bar', 'sweaty', 'looking', 'worn', 'flushed', 'yell', 'whore', 'loose', 'tooth', 'father', 'got', 'lot', 'like', 'man', 'walk', 'bar', 'long', 'nsfw']",126
The next hour is free.,4wiytk,52,What is the best part about a prostitute dying in the middle of your session?,"['next', 'hour', 'free']","['best', 'part', 'prostitute', 'dying', 'middle', 'session']","['next', 'hour', 'free', 'best', 'part', 'prostitute', 'dying', 'middle', 'session']",9
"Because they don't have any chairs.

Source:  my five-year-old.",2gdys0,52,Why do chickens sit on eggs?,"['chair', 'source']","['chicken', 'sit', 'egg']","['chair', 'source', 'chicken', 'sit', 'egg']",5
She was wearing mittens,3ej7xe,52,Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?,"['wearing', 'mitten']","['helen', 'keller', 'scream', 'fell', 'cliff']","['wearing', 'mitten', 'helen', 'keller', 'scream', 'fell', 'cliff']",7
You right a Czech.,4fvj9d,52,What happens when your friend from Prague topples over?,"['right', 'czech']","['happens', 'friend', 'prague', 'topples']","['right', 'czech', 'happens', 'friend', 'prague', 'topples']",6
"Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

 At the hardware store Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe to finish waiting on a customer.

 When Joe was finished, Mary asked, ""How much for the teapot?""

 Joe replied, ""That's silver and it costs $100!""

 ""My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!"" Mary exclaimed.

 She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe went to the backroom to find a hinge.

 From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, ""Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

 To which Mary replied, ""No, but I will for the teapot.""",1kjdsn,52,Screw for a Hinge?,"['bubba', 'fixing', 'door', 'found', 'needed', 'new', 'hinge', 'sent', 'wife', 'mary', 'hardware', 'store', 'hardware', 'store', 'mary', 'saw', 'beautiful', 'teapot', 'top', 'shelf', 'waiting', 'joe', 'finish', 'waiting', 'customer', 'joe', 'finished', 'mary', 'asked', 'much', 'teapot', 'joe', 'replied', 'silver', 'cost', 'goodness', 'sure', 'lotta', 'money', 'mary', 'exclaimed', 'proceeded', 'describe', 'hinge', 'bubba', 'sent', 'buy', 'joe', 'went', 'backroom', 'find', 'hinge', 'backroom', 'joe', 'bob', 'yelled', 'mary', 'wan', 'na', 'screw', 'hinge', 'mary', 'replied', 'teapot']","['screw', 'hinge']","['bubba', 'fixing', 'door', 'found', 'needed', 'new', 'hinge', 'sent', 'wife', 'mary', 'hardware', 'store', 'hardware', 'store', 'mary', 'saw', 'beautiful', 'teapot', 'top', 'shelf', 'waiting', 'joe', 'finish', 'waiting', 'customer', 'joe', 'finished', 'mary', 'asked', 'much', 'teapot', 'joe', 'replied', 'silver', 'cost', 'goodness', 'sure', 'lotta', 'money', 'mary', 'exclaimed', 'proceeded', 'describe', 'hinge', 'bubba', 'sent', 'buy', 'joe', 'went', 'backroom', 'find', 'hinge', 'backroom', 'joe', 'bob', 'yelled', 'mary', 'wan', 'na', 'screw', 'hinge', 'mary', 'replied', 'teapot', 'screw', 'hinge']",66
It heard the referee was blowing fowls ,4za0ak,52,Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?,"['heard', 'referee', 'blowing', 'fowl']","['chicken', 'cross', 'basketball', 'court']","['heard', 'referee', 'blowing', 'fowl', 'chicken', 'cross', 'basketball', 'court']",8
mammary foam,33skcy,52,What are pillowy breasts made of?,"['mammary', 'foam']","['pillowy', 'breast', 'made']","['mammary', 'foam', 'pillowy', 'breast', 'made']",5
Juan,3i530f,52,How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?,['juan'],"['many', 'mexican', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['juan', 'many', 'mexican', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']",6
"One of them goes, ""I think the book was better""",33lihf,52,Two mice chewing on a film roll,"['one', 'go', 'think', 'book', 'better']","['two', 'mouse', 'chewing', 'film', 'roll']","['one', 'go', 'think', 'book', 'better', 'two', 'mouse', 'chewing', 'film', 'roll']",10
"""What's that?"", I replied, ""Dracula's retarded brother?""",31vn80,52,My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Countdown with them,"['replied', 'dracula', 'retarded', 'brother']","['friend', 'asked', 'wanted', 'watch', 'countdown']","['replied', 'dracula', 'retarded', 'brother', 'friend', 'asked', 'wanted', 'watch', 'countdown']",9
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.,49t6v0,52,Dark humor,"['dark', 'humor', 'like', 'food', 'everyone', 'get']","['dark', 'humor']","['dark', 'humor', 'like', 'food', 'everyone', 'get', 'dark', 'humor']",8
"What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.",2ggwuu,52,"First dirty joke my dad told me, it's about 30 years old and I still tell it.","['difference', 'lady', 'church', 'lady', 'bathtub', 'lady', 'church', 'hope', 'soul']","['first', 'dirty', 'joke', 'dad', 'told', 'year', 'old', 'still', 'tell']","['difference', 'lady', 'church', 'lady', 'bathtub', 'lady', 'church', 'hope', 'soul', 'first', 'dirty', 'joke', 'dad', 'told', 'year', 'old', 'still', 'tell']",18
A sar-chasm.,3osehm,52,What do you call a sarcastic abyss?,[],"['call', 'sarcastic', 'abyss']","['call', 'sarcastic', 'abyss']",3
"one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief 


the other is pro wrestling. ",42pbax,52,What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?,"['one', 'predetermined', 'charade', 'take', 'tremendous', 'amount', 'willingness', 'suspend', 'disbelief', 'pro', 'wrestling']","['difference', 'u', 'politics', 'wwe']","['one', 'predetermined', 'charade', 'take', 'tremendous', 'amount', 'willingness', 'suspend', 'disbelief', 'pro', 'wrestling', 'difference', 'u', 'politics', 'wwe']",15
"I want to know more jokes like this one

""Damn it smells like updog""
""What's updog""
""Nothing much, how about you?""

Jokes that have words that don't exist but require the listener to say ""what's......"" In order for the joke to work.",23h3hv,52,"Jokes like ""what's updog?""","['want', 'know', 'joke', 'like', 'one', 'damn', 'smell', 'like', 'updog', 'updog', 'nothing', 'much', 'joke', 'word', 'exist', 'require', 'listener', 'say', 'order', 'joke', 'work']","['joke', 'like', 'updog']","['want', 'know', 'joke', 'like', 'one', 'damn', 'smell', 'like', 'updog', 'updog', 'nothing', 'much', 'joke', 'word', 'exist', 'require', 'listener', 'say', 'order', 'joke', 'work', 'joke', 'like', 'updog']",24
Troops,5tuond,52,"What's the United States' biggest, most well-known export?",['troop'],"['united', 'state', 'biggest', 'export']","['troop', 'united', 'state', 'biggest', 'export']",5
"There were 152 people on a plane. It gets hijacked and crashed, and everyone on it dies. God says they all get one wish because of how tragically they died. The first man wishes for himself not to be ugly, the second person wishes she was skinnier. They all wish for something that improves their appearance. Halfway through the line God notices a man in the back laughing hysterically. The closer he gets to the back the harder the man laughs. When he gets to the last man he asks whats so funny. 

""I wish they were all ugly again!""


EDIT:* Spelling errors",29kpmn,52,A plane crashes,"['people', 'plane', 'get', 'hijacked', 'crashed', 'everyone', 'dy', 'god', 'say', 'get', 'one', 'wish', 'tragically', 'died', 'first', 'man', 'wish', 'ugly', 'second', 'person', 'wish', 'skinnier', 'wish', 'something', 'improves', 'appearance', 'halfway', 'line', 'god', 'notice', 'man', 'back', 'laughing', 'hysterically', 'closer', 'get', 'back', 'harder', 'man', 'laugh', 'get', 'last', 'man', 'asks', 'whats', 'funny', 'wish', 'ugly', 'edit', 'spelling', 'error']","['plane', 'crash']","['people', 'plane', 'get', 'hijacked', 'crashed', 'everyone', 'dy', 'god', 'say', 'get', 'one', 'wish', 'tragically', 'died', 'first', 'man', 'wish', 'ugly', 'second', 'person', 'wish', 'skinnier', 'wish', 'something', 'improves', 'appearance', 'halfway', 'line', 'god', 'notice', 'man', 'back', 'laughing', 'hysterically', 'closer', 'get', 'back', 'harder', 'man', 'laugh', 'get', 'last', 'man', 'asks', 'whats', 'funny', 'wish', 'ugly', 'edit', 'spelling', 'error', 'plane', 'crash']",53
Two feet of my cock in your ass.,27isjt,52,You have a donkey and I have a rooster. Your donkey eats my roosters legs. What do you have?,"['two', 'foot', 'cock', 'as']","['donkey', 'rooster', 'donkey', 'eats', 'rooster', 'leg']","['two', 'foot', 'cock', 'as', 'donkey', 'rooster', 'donkey', 'eats', 'rooster', 'leg']",10
"The Italian guy hangs his penis in the water and says: ""With my penis alone I can tell that the water is about 20 degrees"".
The Swiss guy follows. ""I can do better. My penis tells me the water is actually 23.5 degrees"".
The black guy also hangs his penis in the water. ""Well, my penis tells me the water is 1.2 meters deep""",4l7pup,52,"An Italian, a Swiss and a black guy are sitting at the river...","['italian', 'guy', 'hang', 'penis', 'water', 'say', 'penis', 'alone', 'tell', 'water', 'degree', 'swiss', 'guy', 'follows', 'better', 'penis', 'tell', 'water', 'actually', 'degree', 'black', 'guy', 'also', 'hang', 'penis', 'water', 'well', 'penis', 'tell', 'water', 'meter', 'deep']","['italian', 'swiss', 'black', 'guy', 'sitting', 'river']","['italian', 'guy', 'hang', 'penis', 'water', 'say', 'penis', 'alone', 'tell', 'water', 'degree', 'swiss', 'guy', 'follows', 'better', 'penis', 'tell', 'water', 'actually', 'degree', 'black', 'guy', 'also', 'hang', 'penis', 'water', 'well', 'penis', 'tell', 'water', 'meter', 'deep', 'italian', 'swiss', 'black', 'guy', 'sitting', 'river']",38
Nothing. She is fine.,4bo5ck,52,What does a girl want more than anything?,"['nothing', 'fine']","['girl', 'want', 'anything']","['nothing', 'fine', 'girl', 'want', 'anything']",5
"This little boy was awakened in the middle of the night by strange noises coming from his parents' bedroom, so he decided to investigate. He nudged the door slowly forward and as he entered his parents' bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad screwing for all they were worth.

 ""Dad! Dad!"" he shouted, ""What are you doing?""

 ""It's OK son"", replied his father, ""Your mother wants to have another baby, that's all.""

 The little boy was immediately excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, so he went straight back to bed with a smile on his face.

 Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother on her knees sucking furiously on his father's penis.

 ""Dad! Dad!"", he shouted, ""What are you doing now?""

 ""Son, there's been a slight change in plans,"" his dad replied. ""Now she wants a BMW.""",1lrktr,52,Change of Plans!,"['little', 'boy', 'awakened', 'middle', 'night', 'strange', 'noise', 'coming', 'parent', 'bedroom', 'decided', 'investigate', 'nudged', 'door', 'slowly', 'forward', 'entered', 'parent', 'bedroom', 'shocked', 'see', 'mom', 'dad', 'screwing', 'worth', 'dad', 'dad', 'shouted', 'ok', 'son', 'replied', 'father', 'mother', 'want', 'another', 'baby', 'little', 'boy', 'immediately', 'excited', 'prospect', 'new', 'baby', 'brother', 'went', 'straight', 'back', 'bed', 'smile', 'face', 'several', 'week', 'later', 'little', 'boy', 'walking', 'past', 'bathroom', 'shocked', 'discover', 'mother', 'knee', 'sucking', 'furiously', 'father', 'penis', 'dad', 'dad', 'shouted', 'son', 'slight', 'change', 'plan', 'dad', 'replied', 'want', 'bmw']","['change', 'plan']","['little', 'boy', 'awakened', 'middle', 'night', 'strange', 'noise', 'coming', 'parent', 'bedroom', 'decided', 'investigate', 'nudged', 'door', 'slowly', 'forward', 'entered', 'parent', 'bedroom', 'shocked', 'see', 'mom', 'dad', 'screwing', 'worth', 'dad', 'dad', 'shouted', 'ok', 'son', 'replied', 'father', 'mother', 'want', 'another', 'baby', 'little', 'boy', 'immediately', 'excited', 'prospect', 'new', 'baby', 'brother', 'went', 'straight', 'back', 'bed', 'smile', 'face', 'several', 'week', 'later', 'little', 'boy', 'walking', 'past', 'bathroom', 'shocked', 'discover', 'mother', 'knee', 'sucking', 'furiously', 'father', 'penis', 'dad', 'dad', 'shouted', 'son', 'slight', 'change', 'plan', 'dad', 'replied', 'want', 'bmw', 'change', 'plan']",79
and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.,1buell,52,A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese...,"['sits', 'mousetrap', 'baited', 'breath']","['cat', 'eats', 'slice', 'swiss', 'cheese']","['sits', 'mousetrap', 'baited', 'breath', 'cat', 'eats', 'slice', 'swiss', 'cheese']",9
I'm making a controversial documentary that reveals decades of covered-up sexual misconduct in youth tennis programs across the country. It's called *15 - Love*.,3418st,52,I'm making a documentary...,"['making', 'controversial', 'documentary', 'reveals', 'decade', 'sexual', 'misconduct', 'youth', 'tennis', 'program', 'across', 'country', 'called', 'love']","['making', 'documentary']","['making', 'controversial', 'documentary', 'reveals', 'decade', 'sexual', 'misconduct', 'youth', 'tennis', 'program', 'across', 'country', 'called', 'love', 'making', 'documentary']",16
Incase he got a hole in one!,1x2ax6,52,Why did the golfer take a spare pair of trousers with him?,"['incase', 'got', 'hole', 'one']","['golfer', 'take', 'spare', 'pair', 'trouser']","['incase', 'got', 'hole', 'one', 'golfer', 'take', 'spare', 'pair', 'trouser']",9
"... ""Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a small sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but at least I got to sleep with a hot 25-year-old blonde every night.

Now, we have a nice house, nice cars, big king size bed and plasma screen TV, but now I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.""

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and she would buy me a 10-inch black & white TV.
",3ck3y1,52,I took a look at my wife one day and said ...,"['honey', 'year', 'ago', 'cheap', 'apartment', 'cheap', 'car', 'slept', 'small', 'sofa', 'bed', 'watched', 'inch', 'black', 'white', 'tv', 'least', 'got', 'sleep', 'hot', 'blonde', 'every', 'night', 'nice', 'house', 'nice', 'car', 'big', 'king', 'size', 'bed', 'plasma', 'screen', 'tv', 'sleeping', 'woman', 'seems', 'holding', 'side', 'thing', 'wife', 'reasonable', 'woman', 'told', 'go', 'find', 'hot', 'blonde', 'would', 'make', 'sure', 'would', 'living', 'cheap', 'apartment', 'driving', 'cheap', 'car', 'sleeping', 'sofa', 'bed', 'would', 'buy', 'black', 'white', 'tv']","['took', 'look', 'wife', 'one', 'day', 'said']","['honey', 'year', 'ago', 'cheap', 'apartment', 'cheap', 'car', 'slept', 'small', 'sofa', 'bed', 'watched', 'inch', 'black', 'white', 'tv', 'least', 'got', 'sleep', 'hot', 'blonde', 'every', 'night', 'nice', 'house', 'nice', 'car', 'big', 'king', 'size', 'bed', 'plasma', 'screen', 'tv', 'sleeping', 'woman', 'seems', 'holding', 'side', 'thing', 'wife', 'reasonable', 'woman', 'told', 'go', 'find', 'hot', 'blonde', 'would', 'make', 'sure', 'would', 'living', 'cheap', 'apartment', 'driving', 'cheap', 'car', 'sleeping', 'sofa', 'bed', 'would', 'buy', 'black', 'white', 'tv', 'took', 'look', 'wife', 'one', 'day', 'said']",72
Hebrews it,2dnclo,52,How does the Rabbi make his coffee?,['hebrew'],"['rabbi', 'make', 'coffee']","['hebrew', 'rabbi', 'make', 'coffee']",4
"When he was handed the first to be delivered he looked into his new son's eyes and formed an instant connection. The emotions were overwhelming. The resemblance to himself was striking. All his selfish thoughts melted away. At that moment he realised that his life was so much greater for now he was responsible for this new life, a life that was a part of himself, an extension of himself into the future. This new responsibility weighed heavily on his shoulders but strangely, rather than scare him, it gave him comfort.

Then the doctor handed him the second baby. He was identical to the first in every way. The father felt new, even stronger emotions this time. They well up inside him. 

He looked to his wife and shouted ""REPOST"", called her a karma whore and stormed out.",3s97l5,52,Did you hear about the Redditor who's wife gave birth to twins?,"['handed', 'first', 'delivered', 'looked', 'new', 'son', 'eye', 'formed', 'instant', 'connection', 'emotion', 'overwhelming', 'resemblance', 'striking', 'selfish', 'thought', 'melted', 'away', 'moment', 'realised', 'life', 'much', 'greater', 'responsible', 'new', 'life', 'life', 'part', 'extension', 'future', 'new', 'responsibility', 'weighed', 'heavily', 'shoulder', 'strangely', 'rather', 'scare', 'gave', 'comfort', 'doctor', 'handed', 'second', 'baby', 'identical', 'first', 'every', 'way', 'father', 'felt', 'new', 'even', 'stronger', 'emotion', 'time', 'well', 'inside', 'looked', 'wife', 'shouted', 'repost', 'called', 'karma', 'whore', 'stormed']","['hear', 'redditor', 'wife', 'gave', 'birth', 'twin']","['handed', 'first', 'delivered', 'looked', 'new', 'son', 'eye', 'formed', 'instant', 'connection', 'emotion', 'overwhelming', 'resemblance', 'striking', 'selfish', 'thought', 'melted', 'away', 'moment', 'realised', 'life', 'much', 'greater', 'responsible', 'new', 'life', 'life', 'part', 'extension', 'future', 'new', 'responsibility', 'weighed', 'heavily', 'shoulder', 'strangely', 'rather', 'scare', 'gave', 'comfort', 'doctor', 'handed', 'second', 'baby', 'identical', 'first', 'every', 'way', 'father', 'felt', 'new', 'even', 'stronger', 'emotion', 'time', 'well', 'inside', 'looked', 'wife', 'shouted', 'repost', 'called', 'karma', 'whore', 'stormed', 'hear', 'redditor', 'wife', 'gave', 'birth', 'twin']",71
It's just something I could see myself doing ,3mm362,52,I want to get a job cleaning mirrors,"['something', 'could', 'see']","['want', 'get', 'job', 'cleaning', 'mirror']","['something', 'could', 'see', 'want', 'get', 'job', 'cleaning', 'mirror']",8
"Little Kyle is 4 years old and his brother Timmy is 3. 
Kyle says ""Hey, Timmy. Want to make mommy mad?"" 
""Sure! How?"" Timmy says. 
Kyle tells him ""We gotta say a bad word, I'll say a 4 letter word since I'm 4. You have to say one that's 3 letters.""
""OK! This sounds like fun!"" said Timmy.
The 2 boys proceed downstairs for breakfast, and see their mommy getting ready for work.
""OK, Kyle what do you want for breakfast?"" Their mommy says.
He replies ""I'll have some DAMN cheerios.""
Their mommy, completely shocked, smacks Kyle in the mouth due to his foul language. Still mad she asks Timmy what he wants for breakfast. Timmy says ""Well, you can bet your ass I don't want cheerios.""",1e14ag,52,2 little brothers wanted to make mommy mad.,"['little', 'kyle', 'year', 'old', 'brother', 'timmy', 'kyle', 'say', 'hey', 'timmy', 'want', 'make', 'mommy', 'mad', 'sure', 'timmy', 'say', 'kyle', 'tell', 'got', 'ta', 'say', 'bad', 'word', 'say', 'letter', 'word', 'since', 'say', 'one', 'letter', 'ok', 'sound', 'like', 'fun', 'said', 'timmy', 'boy', 'proceed', 'downstairs', 'breakfast', 'see', 'mommy', 'getting', 'ready', 'work', 'ok', 'kyle', 'want', 'breakfast', 'mommy', 'say', 'reply', 'damn', 'cheerio', 'mommy', 'completely', 'shocked', 'smack', 'kyle', 'mouth', 'due', 'foul', 'language', 'still', 'mad', 'asks', 'timmy', 'want', 'breakfast', 'timmy', 'say', 'well', 'bet', 'as', 'want', 'cheerio']","['little', 'brother', 'wanted', 'make', 'mommy', 'mad']","['little', 'kyle', 'year', 'old', 'brother', 'timmy', 'kyle', 'say', 'hey', 'timmy', 'want', 'make', 'mommy', 'mad', 'sure', 'timmy', 'say', 'kyle', 'tell', 'got', 'ta', 'say', 'bad', 'word', 'say', 'letter', 'word', 'since', 'say', 'one', 'letter', 'ok', 'sound', 'like', 'fun', 'said', 'timmy', 'boy', 'proceed', 'downstairs', 'breakfast', 'see', 'mommy', 'getting', 'ready', 'work', 'ok', 'kyle', 'want', 'breakfast', 'mommy', 'say', 'reply', 'damn', 'cheerio', 'mommy', 'completely', 'shocked', 'smack', 'kyle', 'mouth', 'due', 'foul', 'language', 'still', 'mad', 'asks', 'timmy', 'want', 'breakfast', 'timmy', 'say', 'well', 'bet', 'as', 'want', 'cheerio', 'little', 'brother', 'wanted', 'make', 'mommy', 'mad']",83
Went down well.,4bp5dd,52,Cracked a joke about the Titanic.,"['went', 'well']","['cracked', 'joke', 'titanic']","['went', 'well', 'cracked', 'joke', 'titanic']",5
"A: Your Job still sucks
",4iy0or,52,Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?,"['job', 'still', 'suck']","['q', 'difference', 'job', 'dead', 'prostitute']","['job', 'still', 'suck', 'q', 'difference', 'job', 'dead', 'prostitute']",8
So I slept with his wife and took custody of his kids.,2exjsx,52,"The DJ just asked me ""How low can you go...""","['slept', 'wife', 'took', 'custody', 'kid']","['dj', 'asked', 'low', 'go']","['slept', 'wife', 'took', 'custody', 'kid', 'dj', 'asked', 'low', 'go']",9
Let's go to the gay bar and get shit faced.,2djab0,52,What did one condom say to another?,"['let', 'go', 'gay', 'bar', 'get', 'shit', 'faced']","['one', 'condom', 'say', 'another']","['let', 'go', 'gay', 'bar', 'get', 'shit', 'faced', 'one', 'condom', 'say', 'another']",11
Makes one weak!,3411vm,52,Seven days without food...,"['make', 'one', 'weak']","['seven', 'day', 'without', 'food']","['make', 'one', 'weak', 'seven', 'day', 'without', 'food']",7
Some say he's the most evil scientist to ever have lived.,213btp,52,My Grandfather developed Cancer when he was younger,"['say', 'evil', 'scientist', 'ever', 'lived']","['grandfather', 'developed', 'cancer', 'younger']","['say', 'evil', 'scientist', 'ever', 'lived', 'grandfather', 'developed', 'cancer', 'younger']",9
An udder disaster.,1otiij,52,What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?,"['udder', 'disaster']","['call', 'cow', 'jumping', 'barbed', 'wire', 'fence']","['udder', 'disaster', 'call', 'cow', 'jumping', 'barbed', 'wire', 'fence']",8
Beer,3cjrj8,52,What do you get when you pour root beer into a square glass?,['beer'],"['get', 'pour', 'root', 'beer', 'square', 'glass']","['beer', 'get', 'pour', 'root', 'beer', 'square', 'glass']",7
"Putting his stethoscope to the young woman's chest, the doctor said, ""Big breaths, dear.""

She smiled. ""Yup. And I'm not even thixteen yet!""
",5rvhji,52,A girl goes to the doctor...,"['putting', 'stethoscope', 'young', 'woman', 'chest', 'doctor', 'said', 'big', 'breath', 'dear', 'smiled', 'yup', 'even', 'thixteen', 'yet']","['girl', 'go', 'doctor']","['putting', 'stethoscope', 'young', 'woman', 'chest', 'doctor', 'said', 'big', 'breath', 'dear', 'smiled', 'yup', 'even', 'thixteen', 'yet', 'girl', 'go', 'doctor']",18
now I falafel.,3v9nk6,52,I ate some bad Greek food,['falafel'],"['ate', 'bad', 'greek', 'food']","['falafel', 'ate', 'bad', 'greek', 'food']",5
George Lucas.,496odh,52,"What do you call a person who continues to touch up on something that is already perfect, and thus ruining whatever it was?","['george', 'lucas']","['call', 'person', 'continues', 'touch', 'something', 'already', 'perfect', 'thus', 'ruining', 'whatever']","['george', 'lucas', 'call', 'person', 'continues', 'touch', 'something', 'already', 'perfect', 'thus', 'ruining', 'whatever']",12
"Then again, neither have citizens of North Korea.",3hfpn3,52,"I really like ethnic foods, but the one type of asian cuisine I haven't had is North Korean food.","['neither', 'citizen', 'north', 'korea']","['really', 'like', 'ethnic', 'food', 'one', 'type', 'asian', 'cuisine', 'north', 'korean', 'food']","['neither', 'citizen', 'north', 'korea', 'really', 'like', 'ethnic', 'food', 'one', 'type', 'asian', 'cuisine', 'north', 'korean', 'food']",15
Eileen Dover...,1dn41r,52,What do you call a woman who fell off a cliff?,"['eileen', 'dover']","['call', 'woman', 'fell', 'cliff']","['eileen', 'dover', 'call', 'woman', 'fell', 'cliff']",6
Cher if you agree.,30nsnt,52,It's ok to believe in life after love.,"['cher', 'agree']","['ok', 'believe', 'life', 'love']","['cher', 'agree', 'ok', 'believe', 'life', 'love']",6
A Mortician waits until after you're dead to fuck you.,4quutu,52,What is the difference between a politician and a mortician?,"['mortician', 'wait', 'dead', 'fuck']","['difference', 'politician', 'mortician']","['mortician', 'wait', 'dead', 'fuck', 'difference', 'politician', 'mortician']",7
"Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other

""Hey bob, is that...is that a bacon tree?""

""I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs""

Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.

""My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?""

""No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush""

",4zkhkj,52,Bacon tree,"['two', 'soldier', 'sat', 'top', 'hill', 'looking', 'target', 'one', 'say', 'hey', 'bob', 'bacon', 'tree', 'know', 'jim', 'go', 'look', 'stay', 'cover', 'back', 'jim', 'go', 'closer', 'look', 'bob', 'stay', 'hill', 'eating', 'lunch', 'jim', 'return', 'ten', 'arrow', 'chest', 'god', 'happened', 'bacon', 'tree', 'bob', 'turned', 'ham', 'bush']","['bacon', 'tree']","['two', 'soldier', 'sat', 'top', 'hill', 'looking', 'target', 'one', 'say', 'hey', 'bob', 'bacon', 'tree', 'know', 'jim', 'go', 'look', 'stay', 'cover', 'back', 'jim', 'go', 'closer', 'look', 'bob', 'stay', 'hill', 'eating', 'lunch', 'jim', 'return', 'ten', 'arrow', 'chest', 'god', 'happened', 'bacon', 'tree', 'bob', 'turned', 'ham', 'bush', 'bacon', 'tree']",44
Mi to sis ,5ruacq,52,What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?,"['mi', 'si']","['cell', 'say', 'sister', 'stepped', 'toe']","['mi', 'si', 'cell', 'say', 'sister', 'stepped', 'toe']",7
"Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. 

Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. 

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. 

""Bob, Is that you?"" Earl asked. 

""Of course it me,"" Bob replied. 

""This is unbelievable!"" Earl exclaimed. ""So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"" 

""Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"" 

""Tell me the good news first."" 

""Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl."" 

""Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"" 

""You're pitching tomorrow night."" ",4yzmp5,52,Good news and bad news,"['two', 'buddy', 'bob', 'earl', 'two', 'biggest', 'baseball', 'fan', 'america', 'entire', 'adult', 'life', 'bob', 'earl', 'discussed', 'baseball', 'history', 'winter', 'pored', 'every', 'box', 'score', 'season', 'went', 'game', 'year', 'even', 'agreed', 'whoever', 'died', 'first', 'would', 'try', 'come', 'back', 'tell', 'baseball', 'heaven', 'one', 'summer', 'night', 'bob', 'passed', 'away', 'sleep', 'watching', 'yankee', 'victory', 'earlier', 'evening', 'died', 'happy', 'night', 'later', 'buddy', 'earl', 'awoke', 'sound', 'bob', 'voice', 'beyond', 'bob', 'earl', 'asked', 'course', 'bob', 'replied', 'unbelievable', 'earl', 'exclaimed', 'tell', 'baseball', 'heaven', 'well', 'good', 'news', 'bad', 'news', 'want', 'hear', 'first', 'tell', 'good', 'news', 'first', 'well', 'good', 'news', 'yes', 'baseball', 'heaven', 'earl', 'oh', 'wonderful', 'could', 'possibly', 'bad', 'news', 'pitching', 'tomorrow', 'night']","['good', 'news', 'bad', 'news']","['two', 'buddy', 'bob', 'earl', 'two', 'biggest', 'baseball', 'fan', 'america', 'entire', 'adult', 'life', 'bob', 'earl', 'discussed', 'baseball', 'history', 'winter', 'pored', 'every', 'box', 'score', 'season', 'went', 'game', 'year', 'even', 'agreed', 'whoever', 'died', 'first', 'would', 'try', 'come', 'back', 'tell', 'baseball', 'heaven', 'one', 'summer', 'night', 'bob', 'passed', 'away', 'sleep', 'watching', 'yankee', 'victory', 'earlier', 'evening', 'died', 'happy', 'night', 'later', 'buddy', 'earl', 'awoke', 'sound', 'bob', 'voice', 'beyond', 'bob', 'earl', 'asked', 'course', 'bob', 'replied', 'unbelievable', 'earl', 'exclaimed', 'tell', 'baseball', 'heaven', 'well', 'good', 'news', 'bad', 'news', 'want', 'hear', 'first', 'tell', 'good', 'news', 'first', 'well', 'good', 'news', 'yes', 'baseball', 'heaven', 'earl', 'oh', 'wonderful', 'could', 'possibly', 'bad', 'news', 'pitching', 'tomorrow', 'night', 'good', 'news', 'bad', 'news']",105
It means I talk down to people.,3s0kv4,52,Some say I'm condescending,"['mean', 'talk', 'people']","['say', 'condescending']","['mean', 'talk', 'people', 'say', 'condescending']",5
A man in a trench coat walks by and flashes them. 2 of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn't reach. ,5t73qa,52,3 nuns are sitting on a bench.,"['man', 'trench', 'coat', 'walk', 'flash', 'nun', 'stroke', 'third', 'could', 'reach']","['nun', 'sitting', 'bench']","['man', 'trench', 'coat', 'walk', 'flash', 'nun', 'stroke', 'third', 'could', 'reach', 'nun', 'sitting', 'bench']",13
" that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, ""If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"" Johnny says, ""None."" The teacher asks, ""Why?"" Johnny says, ""Because the shot scared them all off."" The teacher says, ""No, two, but I like how you're thinking."" Johnny asks the teacher, ""If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"" The teacher says, ""The one sucking her ice cream."" Johnny says, ""No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"" ",4sa6wu,52,A teacher is teaching a class and she sees,"['johnny', 'paying', 'attention', 'asks', 'three', 'duck', 'sitting', 'fence', 'shoot', 'one', 'many', 'left', 'johnny', 'say', 'none', 'teacher', 'asks', 'johnny', 'say', 'shot', 'scared', 'teacher', 'say', 'two', 'like', 'thinking', 'johnny', 'asks', 'teacher', 'see', 'three', 'woman', 'walking', 'ice', 'cream', 'parlor', 'one', 'licking', 'ice', 'cream', 'one', 'sucking', 'ice', 'cream', 'one', 'biting', 'ice', 'cream', 'one', 'married', 'teacher', 'say', 'one', 'sucking', 'ice', 'cream', 'johnny', 'say', 'one', 'wedding', 'ring', 'like', 'thinking']","['teacher', 'teaching', 'class', 'see']","['johnny', 'paying', 'attention', 'asks', 'three', 'duck', 'sitting', 'fence', 'shoot', 'one', 'many', 'left', 'johnny', 'say', 'none', 'teacher', 'asks', 'johnny', 'say', 'shot', 'scared', 'teacher', 'say', 'two', 'like', 'thinking', 'johnny', 'asks', 'teacher', 'see', 'three', 'woman', 'walking', 'ice', 'cream', 'parlor', 'one', 'licking', 'ice', 'cream', 'one', 'sucking', 'ice', 'cream', 'one', 'biting', 'ice', 'cream', 'one', 'married', 'teacher', 'say', 'one', 'sucking', 'ice', 'cream', 'johnny', 'say', 'one', 'wedding', 'ring', 'like', 'thinking', 'teacher', 'teaching', 'class', 'see']",67
A: Santa stops after three hos. ,4kkl8b,52,Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?,"['santa', 'stop', 'three', 'ho']","['q', 'difference', 'tiger', 'wood', 'santa', 'claus']","['santa', 'stop', 'three', 'ho', 'q', 'difference', 'tiger', 'wood', 'santa', 'claus']",10
"Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
",28wr77,52,"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time?","['stay', 'night', 'wondering', 'dog']","['dyslexic', 'agnostic', 'insomniac', 'time']","['stay', 'night', 'wondering', 'dog', 'dyslexic', 'agnostic', 'insomniac', 'time']",8
So I just came in my pants.,37eg9j,52,I didn't know what to wear the the premature ejaculators meeting...,"['came', 'pant']","['know', 'wear', 'premature', 'ejaculator', 'meeting']","['came', 'pant', 'know', 'wear', 'premature', 'ejaculator', 'meeting']",7
A salad shooter.,53cayz,52,What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?,"['salad', 'shooter']","['call', 'vegetarian', 'diarrhea']","['salad', 'shooter', 'call', 'vegetarian', 'diarrhea']",5
"He said, ""I'm turning off the heating.""",4uww2i,52,My dad said something earlier that gave me chills.,"['said', 'turning', 'heating']","['dad', 'said', 'something', 'earlier', 'gave', 'chill']","['said', 'turning', 'heating', 'dad', 'said', 'something', 'earlier', 'gave', 'chill']",9
They're always looking for Grant money.,2sbrum,52,Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?,"['always', 'looking', 'grant', 'money']","['pay', 'scientist', 'bill']","['always', 'looking', 'grant', 'money', 'pay', 'scientist', 'bill']",7
"There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had a good time.",4jp29h,52,I organized a threesome this past weekend.,"['couple', 'still', 'good', 'time']","['organized', 'threesome', 'past', 'weekend']","['couple', 'still', 'good', 'time', 'organized', 'threesome', 'past', 'weekend']",8
I mean girl.,41as60,52,I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy.,"['mean', 'girl']","['suffered', 'identity', 'crisis', 'since', 'little', 'boy']","['mean', 'girl', 'suffered', 'identity', 'crisis', 'since', 'little', 'boy']",8
"For their 50'th anniversary an industrial grade vaseline company decided to give away $10,000 in prizes to their customers with the most original use for their product. One particular couple stood out from the crowd by far:

Couple: We use it when we have sex. It works amazing.

Company: But this is an industrial lubricant. it can be harmful for your health.

Couple: Oh no dear. We just smear the door knob to our room so the kids can't get in 

Edit: Put $ sign in front of sum. also comma instead of full stop",3iyzwu,52,Vaseline,"['anniversary', 'industrial', 'grade', 'vaseline', 'company', 'decided', 'give', 'away', 'prize', 'customer', 'original', 'use', 'product', 'one', 'particular', 'couple', 'stood', 'crowd', 'far', 'couple', 'use', 'sex', 'work', 'amazing', 'company', 'industrial', 'lubricant', 'harmful', 'health', 'couple', 'oh', 'dear', 'smear', 'door', 'knob', 'room', 'kid', 'ca', 'get', 'edit', 'put', 'sign', 'front', 'sum', 'also', 'comma', 'instead', 'full', 'stop']",['vaseline'],"['anniversary', 'industrial', 'grade', 'vaseline', 'company', 'decided', 'give', 'away', 'prize', 'customer', 'original', 'use', 'product', 'one', 'particular', 'couple', 'stood', 'crowd', 'far', 'couple', 'use', 'sex', 'work', 'amazing', 'company', 'industrial', 'lubricant', 'harmful', 'health', 'couple', 'oh', 'dear', 'smear', 'door', 'knob', 'room', 'kid', 'ca', 'get', 'edit', 'put', 'sign', 'front', 'sum', 'also', 'comma', 'instead', 'full', 'stop', 'vaseline']",50
He's a watch dog.,4869ur,52,"My neighbor named his dog ""Rolex""...","['watch', 'dog']","['neighbor', 'named', 'dog', 'rolex']","['watch', 'dog', 'neighbor', 'named', 'dog', 'rolex']",6
Because if it did it would be a chicken sedan.,1n65ma,52,Why doesn't a chicken coop have four doors?,"['would', 'chicken', 'sedan']","['chicken', 'coop', 'four', 'door']","['would', 'chicken', 'sedan', 'chicken', 'coop', 'four', 'door']",7
"... and notices the bar has come under new management.  The bartender tells him that if he can complete three challenges, he will win as many drinks as he wants on the house for a year.  First, the customer must chug a gallon of tequila in under five minutes without making a face.  Then, he must pull out a live alligator's rotting tooth with his bare hands.  If he survives that, there is a woman upstairs who has never had an orgasm, and he must make things right for her.  

  At first, the customer declines, but after a few rounds of liquid courage, he changes his mind.  He grabs the tequila and pounds it in 30 seconds like a champ.  Manly tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he does not make a face.  Then, he stumbles into the room with the alligator and closes the door behind him.  The other people in the bar are gathered around, listening.  There seems to be a big struggle going on inside, but the customer manages to walk out bloody and bruised.  The people applaud him, and he seems to be extremely intoxicated now.  He blurts out in slurred speech, ""A'ight.  Now *hic*, wherzat chick who needed 'er teeth pulled?""",1h0hht,52,A regular customer at a bar sits down for a drink...,"['notice', 'bar', 'come', 'new', 'management', 'bartender', 'tell', 'complete', 'three', 'challenge', 'win', 'many', 'drink', 'want', 'house', 'year', 'first', 'customer', 'must', 'chug', 'gallon', 'tequila', 'five', 'minute', 'without', 'making', 'face', 'must', 'pull', 'live', 'alligator', 'rotting', 'tooth', 'bare', 'hand', 'survives', 'woman', 'upstairs', 'never', 'orgasm', 'must', 'make', 'thing', 'right', 'first', 'customer', 'decline', 'round', 'liquid', 'courage', 'change', 'mind', 'grab', 'tequila', 'pound', 'second', 'like', 'champ', 'manly', 'tear', 'streaming', 'cheek', 'make', 'face', 'stumble', 'room', 'alligator', 'close', 'door', 'behind', 'people', 'bar', 'gathered', 'around', 'listening', 'seems', 'big', 'struggle', 'going', 'inside', 'customer', 'manages', 'walk', 'bloody', 'bruised', 'people', 'applaud', 'seems', 'extremely', 'intoxicated', 'blurts', 'slurred', 'speech', 'hic', 'wherzat', 'chick', 'needed', 'teeth', 'pulled']","['regular', 'customer', 'bar', 'sits', 'drink']","['notice', 'bar', 'come', 'new', 'management', 'bartender', 'tell', 'complete', 'three', 'challenge', 'win', 'many', 'drink', 'want', 'house', 'year', 'first', 'customer', 'must', 'chug', 'gallon', 'tequila', 'five', 'minute', 'without', 'making', 'face', 'must', 'pull', 'live', 'alligator', 'rotting', 'tooth', 'bare', 'hand', 'survives', 'woman', 'upstairs', 'never', 'orgasm', 'must', 'make', 'thing', 'right', 'first', 'customer', 'decline', 'round', 'liquid', 'courage', 'change', 'mind', 'grab', 'tequila', 'pound', 'second', 'like', 'champ', 'manly', 'tear', 'streaming', 'cheek', 'make', 'face', 'stumble', 'room', 'alligator', 'close', 'door', 'behind', 'people', 'bar', 'gathered', 'around', 'listening', 'seems', 'big', 'struggle', 'going', 'inside', 'customer', 'manages', 'walk', 'bloody', 'bruised', 'people', 'applaud', 'seems', 'extremely', 'intoxicated', 'blurts', 'slurred', 'speech', 'hic', 'wherzat', 'chick', 'needed', 'teeth', 'pulled', 'regular', 'customer', 'bar', 'sits', 'drink']",104
I overheard it yesterday. The joke was funny but the delivery was all wrong,1artk5,52,Hear the one about the miscarriage?,"['overheard', 'yesterday', 'joke', 'funny', 'delivery', 'wrong']","['hear', 'one', 'miscarriage']","['overheard', 'yesterday', 'joke', 'funny', 'delivery', 'wrong', 'hear', 'one', 'miscarriage']",9
"...and talks to the receptionist.
After checking in their reservation, his family starts walking toward the elevator to unpack their luggage in their room. The man stays behind to ask a question.

""Hey, is the porn here disabled?""

Then receptionist looks appalled and harshly replies back.

""It's just regular porn, you sick fuck!""",4kqy19,52,A man walks into a hotel with his family...,"['talk', 'receptionist', 'checking', 'reservation', 'family', 'start', 'walking', 'toward', 'elevator', 'unpack', 'luggage', 'room', 'man', 'stay', 'behind', 'ask', 'question', 'hey', 'porn', 'disabled', 'receptionist', 'look', 'appalled', 'harshly', 'reply', 'back', 'regular', 'porn', 'sick', 'fuck']","['man', 'walk', 'hotel', 'family']","['talk', 'receptionist', 'checking', 'reservation', 'family', 'start', 'walking', 'toward', 'elevator', 'unpack', 'luggage', 'room', 'man', 'stay', 'behind', 'ask', 'question', 'hey', 'porn', 'disabled', 'receptionist', 'look', 'appalled', 'harshly', 'reply', 'back', 'regular', 'porn', 'sick', 'fuck', 'man', 'walk', 'hotel', 'family']",34
"A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
",2ngh1i,52,How can you lift an elephant with one hand?,"['problem', 'since', 'never', 'find', 'elephant', 'one', 'hand']","['lift', 'elephant', 'one', 'hand']","['problem', 'since', 'never', 'find', 'elephant', 'one', 'hand', 'lift', 'elephant', 'one', 'hand']",11
"Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.",25iug8,52,How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?,"['two', 'going', 'need', 'lot', 'patience', 'light', 'bulb']","['many', 'brick', 'need', 'screw', 'lightbulb']","['two', 'going', 'need', 'lot', 'patience', 'light', 'bulb', 'many', 'brick', 'need', 'screw', 'lightbulb']",12
.. in some people's eyes.,5s0cvt,52,Throwing acid is wrong..,"['people', 'eye']","['throwing', 'acid', 'wrong']","['people', 'eye', 'throwing', 'acid', 'wrong']",5
A peter parker.,2ouqev,52,What do you call Mary Janes vagina?,"['peter', 'parker']","['call', 'mary', 'janes', 'vagina']","['peter', 'parker', 'call', 'mary', 'janes', 'vagina']",6
"I said ""scissors, I win!"" and drove off.",3iyzae,52,"A cop pulled me over and said ""papers""","['said', 'scissors', 'win', 'drove']","['cop', 'pulled', 'said', 'paper']","['said', 'scissors', 'win', 'drove', 'cop', 'pulled', 'said', 'paper']",8
"A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. 

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. 

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. 

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''",4u0409,52,Yet another blonde joke....,"['young', 'blonde', 'woman', 'distraught', 'fear', 'husband', 'affair', 'go', 'gun', 'shop', 'buy', 'handgun', 'next', 'day', 'come', 'home', 'find', 'husband', 'bed', 'beautiful', 'redhead', 'grab', 'gun', 'hold', 'head', 'husband', 'jump', 'bed', 'begging', 'pleading', 'shoot', 'hysterically', 'blonde', 'responds', 'husband', 'shut', 'next']","['yet', 'another', 'blonde', 'joke']","['young', 'blonde', 'woman', 'distraught', 'fear', 'husband', 'affair', 'go', 'gun', 'shop', 'buy', 'handgun', 'next', 'day', 'come', 'home', 'find', 'husband', 'bed', 'beautiful', 'redhead', 'grab', 'gun', 'hold', 'head', 'husband', 'jump', 'bed', 'begging', 'pleading', 'shoot', 'hysterically', 'blonde', 'responds', 'husband', 'shut', 'next', 'yet', 'another', 'blonde', 'joke']",41
Mitosis ,21lo54,52,What did one cell say to his sister that stepped on his toe?,['mitosis'],"['one', 'cell', 'say', 'sister', 'stepped', 'toe']","['mitosis', 'one', 'cell', 'say', 'sister', 'stepped', 'toe']",7
It saw the salad dressing.,4x4is3,52,Why did the tomato turn red,"['saw', 'salad', 'dressing']","['tomato', 'turn', 'red']","['saw', 'salad', 'dressing', 'tomato', 'turn', 'red']",6
"He uses Hare Spray...

(Ill see myself out)",4bzere,52,How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?,"['us', 'hare', 'spray', 'ill', 'see']","['easter', 'bunny', 'keep', 'ear', 'standing', 'straight']","['us', 'hare', 'spray', 'ill', 'see', 'easter', 'bunny', 'keep', 'ear', 'standing', 'straight']",11
^ Came up with this while trying to think of witty opening lines for tinder. It didn't make the cut. Thought Reddit might like it though. ,4ux5r3,52,I hope you don't like self-deprecating humor. I'm terrible at it.,"['came', 'trying', 'think', 'witty', 'opening', 'line', 'tinder', 'make', 'cut', 'thought', 'reddit', 'might', 'like', 'though']","['hope', 'like', 'humor', 'terrible']","['came', 'trying', 'think', 'witty', 'opening', 'line', 'tinder', 'make', 'cut', 'thought', 'reddit', 'might', 'like', 'though', 'hope', 'like', 'humor', 'terrible']",18
"Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, ""I got me some chickens for dinner tonight.""  The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. ""Well, I'll tell you,"" replies the first redneck, ""If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you.""",4xm59t,52,A sack full of chickens,"['two', 'redneck', 'walk', 'dirt', 'path', 'one', 'man', 'big', 'sack', 'shoulder', 'man', 'asks', 'sack', 'first', 'man', 'say', 'got', 'chicken', 'dinner', 'tonight', 'man', 'asks', 'many', 'chicken', 'sack', 'well', 'tell', 'reply', 'first', 'redneck', 'guess', 'many', 'chicken', 'got', 'sack', 'give']","['sack', 'full', 'chicken']","['two', 'redneck', 'walk', 'dirt', 'path', 'one', 'man', 'big', 'sack', 'shoulder', 'man', 'asks', 'sack', 'first', 'man', 'say', 'got', 'chicken', 'dinner', 'tonight', 'man', 'asks', 'many', 'chicken', 'sack', 'well', 'tell', 'reply', 'first', 'redneck', 'guess', 'many', 'chicken', 'got', 'sack', 'give', 'sack', 'full', 'chicken']",39
"The psychiatrist says ""I can clearly see your nuts.""",1yagfb,52,A man visits his psychiatrist wearing only cellophane wrapped around his body,"['psychiatrist', 'say', 'clearly', 'see', 'nut']","['man', 'visit', 'psychiatrist', 'wearing', 'cellophane', 'wrapped', 'around', 'body']","['psychiatrist', 'say', 'clearly', 'see', 'nut', 'man', 'visit', 'psychiatrist', 'wearing', 'cellophane', 'wrapped', 'around', 'body']",13
But I've now been clean for over a year,2z3vcu,52,I used to have an addiction to dirt,"['clean', 'year']","['used', 'addiction', 'dirt']","['clean', 'year', 'used', 'addiction', 'dirt']",5
"Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says: ""Looks like he's still fucking celebrating!""",4180bn,52,Husband joke,"['husband', 'take', 'wife', 'disco', 'guy', 'dance', 'floor', 'giving', 'large', 'break', 'dancing', 'moonwalking', 'back', 'flip', 'work', 'wife', 'turn', 'husband', 'say', 'see', 'guy', 'year', 'ago', 'proposed', 'turned', 'husband', 'say', 'look', 'like', 'still', 'fucking', 'celebrating']","['husband', 'joke']","['husband', 'take', 'wife', 'disco', 'guy', 'dance', 'floor', 'giving', 'large', 'break', 'dancing', 'moonwalking', 'back', 'flip', 'work', 'wife', 'turn', 'husband', 'say', 'see', 'guy', 'year', 'ago', 'proposed', 'turned', 'husband', 'say', 'look', 'like', 'still', 'fucking', 'celebrating', 'husband', 'joke']",34
She's basic but can't even.,3papfw,52,My sister is a 13 on the pH scale.,"['basic', 'ca', 'even']","['sister', 'ph', 'scale']","['basic', 'ca', 'even', 'sister', 'ph', 'scale']",6
Harambae,51d06n,52,What do you call a Muslim man's fifth wife?,['harambae'],"['call', 'muslim', 'man', 'fifth', 'wife']","['harambae', 'call', 'muslim', 'man', 'fifth', 'wife']",6
We don't deliver.,303bva,52,"I started up a poster design company called ""Original Poster""",['deliver'],"['started', 'poster', 'design', 'company', 'called', 'original', 'poster']","['deliver', 'started', 'poster', 'design', 'company', 'called', 'original', 'poster']",8
"One day in hell the devil gets bored, so he decides to try something new. He takes three men who just arrived, and tells them ""I'm going to lock you three in separate rooms for 10000 years, you all get to choose one thing to have an unlimited amount of in your room. So what will it be?"" A little puzzled the first man steps forward and says ""I want to be locked away with the best and most beautiful women."" The devil nods his head and sends him to his new room. The second man steps forward and says ""I want to be locked away with the best gourmet food"".
The devil nods his head and sends him to his new room. The last man steps forward and says ""I want to be locked away with the best marijuana money can buy"" The devil nods and sends him to his new room. 5000 years go by and the devil being busy had forgotten about his three experiments so he decides to check in on them. He goes to the first mans room opens the door and sees the man sitting on the floor exhausted with babies everywhere and the women yelling at him. He smiles and continues to the second mans room, he opens the door and sees  a bulbous man laying on the floor still stuffing his face with feces everywhere. He chuckles a bit and heads to the third mans room, he walks over opens the door and as soon he does he hears the man cry out ""Hey man! You got a lighter?"".",2x9dlj,52,3 men in hell,"['one', 'day', 'hell', 'devil', 'get', 'bored', 'decides', 'try', 'something', 'new', 'take', 'three', 'men', 'arrived', 'tell', 'going', 'lock', 'three', 'separate', 'room', 'year', 'get', 'choose', 'one', 'thing', 'unlimited', 'amount', 'room', 'little', 'puzzled', 'first', 'man', 'step', 'forward', 'say', 'want', 'locked', 'away', 'best', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'devil', 'nod', 'head', 'sends', 'new', 'room', 'second', 'man', 'step', 'forward', 'say', 'want', 'locked', 'away', 'best', 'gourmet', 'food', 'devil', 'nod', 'head', 'sends', 'new', 'room', 'last', 'man', 'step', 'forward', 'say', 'want', 'locked', 'away', 'best', 'marijuana', 'money', 'buy', 'devil', 'nod', 'sends', 'new', 'room', 'year', 'go', 'devil', 'busy', 'forgotten', 'three', 'experiment', 'decides', 'check', 'go', 'first', 'man', 'room', 'open', 'door', 'see', 'man', 'sitting', 'floor', 'exhausted', 'baby', 'everywhere', 'woman', 'yelling', 'smile', 'continues', 'second', 'man', 'room', 'open', 'door', 'see', 'bulbous', 'man', 'laying', 'floor', 'still', 'stuffing', 'face', 'feces', 'everywhere', 'chuckle', 'bit', 'head', 'third', 'man', 'room', 'walk', 'open', 'door', 'soon', 'hears', 'man', 'cry', 'hey', 'man', 'got', 'lighter']","['men', 'hell']","['one', 'day', 'hell', 'devil', 'get', 'bored', 'decides', 'try', 'something', 'new', 'take', 'three', 'men', 'arrived', 'tell', 'going', 'lock', 'three', 'separate', 'room', 'year', 'get', 'choose', 'one', 'thing', 'unlimited', 'amount', 'room', 'little', 'puzzled', 'first', 'man', 'step', 'forward', 'say', 'want', 'locked', 'away', 'best', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'devil', 'nod', 'head', 'sends', 'new', 'room', 'second', 'man', 'step', 'forward', 'say', 'want', 'locked', 'away', 'best', 'gourmet', 'food', 'devil', 'nod', 'head', 'sends', 'new', 'room', 'last', 'man', 'step', 'forward', 'say', 'want', 'locked', 'away', 'best', 'marijuana', 'money', 'buy', 'devil', 'nod', 'sends', 'new', 'room', 'year', 'go', 'devil', 'busy', 'forgotten', 'three', 'experiment', 'decides', 'check', 'go', 'first', 'man', 'room', 'open', 'door', 'see', 'man', 'sitting', 'floor', 'exhausted', 'baby', 'everywhere', 'woman', 'yelling', 'smile', 'continues', 'second', 'man', 'room', 'open', 'door', 'see', 'bulbous', 'man', 'laying', 'floor', 'still', 'stuffing', 'face', 'feces', 'everywhere', 'chuckle', 'bit', 'head', 'third', 'man', 'room', 'walk', 'open', 'door', 'soon', 'hears', 'man', 'cry', 'hey', 'man', 'got', 'lighter', 'men', 'hell']",141
"The teacher asked Jimmy, ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'""
",3vegx3,52,Jimmy Answer to his Teacher,"['teacher', 'asked', 'jimmy', 'cat', 'school', 'today', 'jimmy', 'jimmy', 'replied', 'cry', 'heard', 'daddy', 'tell', 'mommy', 'going', 'eat', 'p', 'ssy', 'jimmy', 'leaf', 'school', 'today']","['jimmy', 'answer', 'teacher']","['teacher', 'asked', 'jimmy', 'cat', 'school', 'today', 'jimmy', 'jimmy', 'replied', 'cry', 'heard', 'daddy', 'tell', 'mommy', 'going', 'eat', 'p', 'ssy', 'jimmy', 'leaf', 'school', 'today', 'jimmy', 'answer', 'teacher']",25
"A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade. 

A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation. 

""Hey man, how you liking the game?"" He asks. 

""I really like it. I think it's pretty cool"" the small plank replies. 

""Really,"" says the man, ""cuz it seems to me like you're a little board.""",3l98so,52,Plank goes to a ball game,"['small', 'plank', 'wood', 'go', 'watch', 'baseball', 'game', 'first', 'inning', 'plank', 'super', 'seventh', 'inning', 'interest', 'start', 'fade', 'man', 'nearby', 'notice', 'fading', 'enjoyment', 'start', 'conversation', 'hey', 'man', 'liking', 'game', 'asks', 'really', 'like', 'think', 'pretty', 'cool', 'small', 'plank', 'reply', 'really', 'say', 'man', 'cuz', 'seems', 'like', 'little', 'board']","['plank', 'go', 'ball', 'game']","['small', 'plank', 'wood', 'go', 'watch', 'baseball', 'game', 'first', 'inning', 'plank', 'super', 'seventh', 'inning', 'interest', 'start', 'fade', 'man', 'nearby', 'notice', 'fading', 'enjoyment', 'start', 'conversation', 'hey', 'man', 'liking', 'game', 'asks', 'really', 'like', 'think', 'pretty', 'cool', 'small', 'plank', 'reply', 'really', 'say', 'man', 'cuz', 'seems', 'like', 'little', 'board', 'plank', 'go', 'ball', 'game']",48
"Lady: We're going to the states for a few days.

Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Lady: Why not?

Oldman: It's full of Americans.",29f5mt,52,Heard this while at a Canadian airport.,"['lady', 'going', 'state', 'day', 'oldman', 'would', 'lady', 'oldman', 'full', 'american']","['heard', 'canadian', 'airport']","['lady', 'going', 'state', 'day', 'oldman', 'would', 'lady', 'oldman', 'full', 'american', 'heard', 'canadian', 'airport']",13
"There's kids passed out in their clothes everywhere, it smells like piss and vomit, there's kids with magic marker all over their faces, and the girls walk around lifting their shirts up.",1sw95r,52,Daycare is a lot like a frat house...,"['kid', 'passed', 'clothes', 'everywhere', 'smell', 'like', 'piss', 'vomit', 'kid', 'magic', 'marker', 'face', 'girl', 'walk', 'around', 'lifting', 'shirt']","['daycare', 'lot', 'like', 'frat', 'house']","['kid', 'passed', 'clothes', 'everywhere', 'smell', 'like', 'piss', 'vomit', 'kid', 'magic', 'marker', 'face', 'girl', 'walk', 'around', 'lifting', 'shirt', 'daycare', 'lot', 'like', 'frat', 'house']",22
"There once was a family that owned a milk cow. This milk cow was quite amazing, because with all of the extra milk the cow produced the family was able to sell all of the excess and live quite well.

One day, the father of the family went outside to milk the cow. But something was wrong, it was dead. The father panicked realizing he had just lost his best source of income. With his poor coping skills, he decided to kill himself.

The mother of the house was worried that her husband was out in the bar for so long, so she decided to check in on him. As would be expected, she found him hanging from the rafters in the barn. Now, she really had something to be upset about, and she to killed herself.

Later that day, the eldest son of the family came out to the barn, and found his mother and father dead. He was quite upset. But then he saw something, a leprechaun. Not just any leprechaun, a female leprechaun.

The leprechaun said to the son, ""Oh boy, it looks like your having a bad day!""

""No shit..."" Said the son.

""What if I were to tell you I could help you... Ah, just listen. If you are able to make love to me 10 times in a row with out stopping, I will bring everyone back to life, even the milk cow. But If you can't, I'll kill you,"" Said the leprechaun.

The son stood there for a moment, and then he said ""Well, I was going to kill my self, so I guess I will give it a shot.""

He didn't make it, after three times he fell asleep, and didn't wake up.

The middle son of the family came outside, and found his dead family, as well as the leprechaun.

The leprechaun, said to him, ""Ah, It looks like your having a bad day. I will tell you what, if you can make love to me ten times in a row, without stopping,  I will bring everyone back to life, even the milk cow, If you can't, I will kill you.""

The middle son said, ""Sure, why not! I haven't been laid for quite a while."" 

The middle son made it about six times in a row, but was unable to continue.

Soon enough, the youngest son came outside, and found that everyone in his family was dead. He also found the leprechaun.

She offered him the same as his brothers.

And he said, "" But what if I can fuck you fifteen times in a row?""

The leprechaun was shocked, she wasn't used to being asked questions. And then she said, "" I will bring all of your family back to life, as well as the milk cow, and where your tiny hovel is, will be a new mansion!""

Then the son said, ""What if I can fuck you... twenty times in a rows?""

The leprechaun laughed at the ludicrous idea and said. ""Then I will throw in my pot of gold""

The son said to her, ""But, what is going to keep you from dying after I fuck you twenty time in a row?""

""Why do you ask me that"""" Said the leprechaun.

And then the son said, ""The milk cow did.""",26b9nv,52,The Milk Cow,"['family', 'owned', 'milk', 'cow', 'milk', 'cow', 'quite', 'amazing', 'extra', 'milk', 'cow', 'produced', 'family', 'able', 'sell', 'excess', 'live', 'quite', 'well', 'one', 'day', 'father', 'family', 'went', 'outside', 'milk', 'cow', 'something', 'wrong', 'dead', 'father', 'panicked', 'realizing', 'lost', 'best', 'source', 'income', 'poor', 'coping', 'skill', 'decided', 'kill', 'mother', 'house', 'worried', 'husband', 'bar', 'long', 'decided', 'check', 'would', 'expected', 'found', 'hanging', 'rafter', 'barn', 'really', 'something', 'upset', 'killed', 'later', 'day', 'eldest', 'son', 'family', 'came', 'barn', 'found', 'mother', 'father', 'dead', 'quite', 'upset', 'saw', 'something', 'leprechaun', 'leprechaun', 'female', 'leprechaun', 'leprechaun', 'said', 'son', 'oh', 'boy', 'look', 'like', 'bad', 'day', 'shit', 'said', 'son', 'tell', 'could', 'help', 'ah', 'listen', 'able', 'make', 'love', 'time', 'row', 'stopping', 'bring', 'everyone', 'back', 'life', 'even', 'milk', 'cow', 'ca', 'kill', 'said', 'leprechaun', 'son', 'stood', 'moment', 'said', 'well', 'going', 'kill', 'self', 'guess', 'give', 'shot', 'make', 'three', 'time', 'fell', 'asleep', 'wake', 'middle', 'son', 'family', 'came', 'outside', 'found', 'dead', 'family', 'well', 'leprechaun', 'leprechaun', 'said', 'ah', 'look', 'like', 'bad', 'day', 'tell', 'make', 'love', 'ten', 'time', 'row', 'without', 'stopping', 'bring', 'everyone', 'back', 'life', 'even', 'milk', 'cow', 'ca', 'kill', 'middle', 'son', 'said', 'sure', 'laid', 'quite', 'middle', 'son', 'made', 'six', 'time', 'row', 'unable', 'continue', 'soon', 'enough', 'youngest', 'son', 'came', 'outside', 'found', 'everyone', 'family', 'dead', 'also', 'found', 'leprechaun', 'offered', 'brother', 'said', 'fuck', 'fifteen', 'time', 'row', 'leprechaun', 'shocked', 'used', 'asked', 'question', 'said', 'bring', 'family', 'back', 'life', 'well', 'milk', 'cow', 'tiny', 'hovel', 'new', 'mansion', 'son', 'said', 'fuck', 'twenty', 'time', 'row', 'leprechaun', 'laughed', 'ludicrous', 'idea', 'said', 'throw', 'pot', 'gold', 'son', 'said', 'going', 'keep', 'dying', 'fuck', 'twenty', 'time', 'row', 'ask', 'said', 'leprechaun', 'son', 'said', 'milk', 'cow']","['milk', 'cow']","['family', 'owned', 'milk', 'cow', 'milk', 'cow', 'quite', 'amazing', 'extra', 'milk', 'cow', 'produced', 'family', 'able', 'sell', 'excess', 'live', 'quite', 'well', 'one', 'day', 'father', 'family', 'went', 'outside', 'milk', 'cow', 'something', 'wrong', 'dead', 'father', 'panicked', 'realizing', 'lost', 'best', 'source', 'income', 'poor', 'coping', 'skill', 'decided', 'kill', 'mother', 'house', 'worried', 'husband', 'bar', 'long', 'decided', 'check', 'would', 'expected', 'found', 'hanging', 'rafter', 'barn', 'really', 'something', 'upset', 'killed', 'later', 'day', 'eldest', 'son', 'family', 'came', 'barn', 'found', 'mother', 'father', 'dead', 'quite', 'upset', 'saw', 'something', 'leprechaun', 'leprechaun', 'female', 'leprechaun', 'leprechaun', 'said', 'son', 'oh', 'boy', 'look', 'like', 'bad', 'day', 'shit', 'said', 'son', 'tell', 'could', 'help', 'ah', 'listen', 'able', 'make', 'love', 'time', 'row', 'stopping', 'bring', 'everyone', 'back', 'life', 'even', 'milk', 'cow', 'ca', 'kill', 'said', 'leprechaun', 'son', 'stood', 'moment', 'said', 'well', 'going', 'kill', 'self', 'guess', 'give', 'shot', 'make', 'three', 'time', 'fell', 'asleep', 'wake', 'middle', 'son', 'family', 'came', 'outside', 'found', 'dead', 'family', 'well', 'leprechaun', 'leprechaun', 'said', 'ah', 'look', 'like', 'bad', 'day', 'tell', 'make', 'love', 'ten', 'time', 'row', 'without', 'stopping', 'bring', 'everyone', 'back', 'life', 'even', 'milk', 'cow', 'ca', 'kill', 'middle', 'son', 'said', 'sure', 'laid', 'quite', 'middle', 'son', 'made', 'six', 'time', 'row', 'unable', 'continue', 'soon', 'enough', 'youngest', 'son', 'came', 'outside', 'found', 'everyone', 'family', 'dead', 'also', 'found', 'leprechaun', 'offered', 'brother', 'said', 'fuck', 'fifteen', 'time', 'row', 'leprechaun', 'shocked', 'used', 'asked', 'question', 'said', 'bring', 'family', 'back', 'life', 'well', 'milk', 'cow', 'tiny', 'hovel', 'new', 'mansion', 'son', 'said', 'fuck', 'twenty', 'time', 'row', 'leprechaun', 'laughed', 'ludicrous', 'idea', 'said', 'throw', 'pot', 'gold', 'son', 'said', 'going', 'keep', 'dying', 'fuck', 'twenty', 'time', 'row', 'ask', 'said', 'leprechaun', 'son', 'said', 'milk', 'cow', 'milk', 'cow']",247
Cause I just bombed this physics test.,350r32,52,ISIS is knocking on my door recruiting...,"['cause', 'bombed', 'physic', 'test']","['isi', 'knocking', 'door', 'recruiting']","['cause', 'bombed', 'physic', 'test', 'isi', 'knocking', 'door', 'recruiting']",8
He had forgotten to take them.,1pvviy,52,Did you hear about the guy who OD'ed on homeopathic medicine?,"['forgotten', 'take']","['hear', 'guy', 'homeopathic', 'medicine']","['forgotten', 'take', 'hear', 'guy', 'homeopathic', 'medicine']",6
"Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose....

No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.",2wyjb1,52,So I lost my watch once...,"['lost', 'watch', 'party', 'saw', 'guy', 'stepping', 'sexually', 'harassing', 'girl', 'walked', 'dude', 'punched', 'straight', 'nose', 'one', 'girl', 'watch']","['lost', 'watch']","['lost', 'watch', 'party', 'saw', 'guy', 'stepping', 'sexually', 'harassing', 'girl', 'walked', 'dude', 'punched', 'straight', 'nose', 'one', 'girl', 'watch', 'lost', 'watch']",19
So deaf people can enjoy them too.,4gj9iy,52,Why do farts smell?,"['deaf', 'people', 'enjoy']","['fart', 'smell']","['deaf', 'people', 'enjoy', 'fart', 'smell']",5
"""If a man is to lay with another man he should be stoned."" in my experience it helps",3flg2x,52,the Bible says,"['man', 'lay', 'another', 'man', 'stoned', 'experience', 'help']","['bible', 'say']","['man', 'lay', 'another', 'man', 'stoned', 'experience', 'help', 'bible', 'say']",9
"A gay guy walking down the street, really down in the dumps over his sex life, overhears a bum in an alley say to another bum ""whenever I get good and drunk, I can't remember a thing. I mean, it doesn't even take much and I am just out cold, dead to the world"". 
Upon hearing this, the gay guy gets an idea. He leaves 10 dollars in the homeless man's cup and walks away. Now this guy hadn't seen so much as a dollar in weeks so the first thing he does is go to the corner store and buys a bottle of wine.  He slams it down, and passes out in his alley. The gay guy, waiting for this, jumps at the chance to release a little sexual frustration and just goes to town on this guy. Come to find out, it's the best sex he's ever had. So he finishes, leaves 20 dollars in the mans cup and heads home. 
The homeless guy wakes up with no recollection of the evening and 20 dollars in his cup. Ecstatic, he goes and buys 20 dollars worth of wine. Once again, he passes out and the gay guy swings by to get his rocks off. 
This continues for a few days until he's leaving 100 dollars in the cup when he leaves.  The homeless man heads to the corner store again and slams 100 dollars down on the table. The clerk says ""100 dollars worth of wine, coming right up"". Homeless guy says ""no, no, no, lemme get a 100 dollars worth of whiskey. I don't know what's up with that wine you sell here, but goddamn it makes my ass hurt.""",1l2rgf,52,Bum wine,"['gay', 'guy', 'walking', 'street', 'really', 'dump', 'sex', 'life', 'overhears', 'bum', 'alley', 'say', 'another', 'bum', 'whenever', 'get', 'good', 'drunk', 'ca', 'remember', 'thing', 'mean', 'even', 'take', 'much', 'cold', 'dead', 'world', 'upon', 'hearing', 'gay', 'guy', 'get', 'idea', 'leaf', 'dollar', 'homeless', 'man', 'cup', 'walk', 'away', 'guy', 'seen', 'much', 'dollar', 'week', 'first', 'thing', 'go', 'corner', 'store', 'buy', 'bottle', 'wine', 'slam', 'pass', 'alley', 'gay', 'guy', 'waiting', 'jump', 'chance', 'release', 'little', 'sexual', 'frustration', 'go', 'town', 'guy', 'come', 'find', 'best', 'sex', 'ever', 'finish', 'leaf', 'dollar', 'man', 'cup', 'head', 'home', 'homeless', 'guy', 'wake', 'recollection', 'evening', 'dollar', 'cup', 'ecstatic', 'go', 'buy', 'dollar', 'worth', 'wine', 'pass', 'gay', 'guy', 'swing', 'get', 'rock', 'continues', 'day', 'leaving', 'dollar', 'cup', 'leaf', 'homeless', 'man', 'head', 'corner', 'store', 'slam', 'dollar', 'table', 'clerk', 'say', 'dollar', 'worth', 'wine', 'coming', 'right', 'homeless', 'guy', 'say', 'lem', 'get', 'dollar', 'worth', 'whiskey', 'know', 'wine', 'sell', 'goddamn', 'make', 'as', 'hurt']","['bum', 'wine']","['gay', 'guy', 'walking', 'street', 'really', 'dump', 'sex', 'life', 'overhears', 'bum', 'alley', 'say', 'another', 'bum', 'whenever', 'get', 'good', 'drunk', 'ca', 'remember', 'thing', 'mean', 'even', 'take', 'much', 'cold', 'dead', 'world', 'upon', 'hearing', 'gay', 'guy', 'get', 'idea', 'leaf', 'dollar', 'homeless', 'man', 'cup', 'walk', 'away', 'guy', 'seen', 'much', 'dollar', 'week', 'first', 'thing', 'go', 'corner', 'store', 'buy', 'bottle', 'wine', 'slam', 'pass', 'alley', 'gay', 'guy', 'waiting', 'jump', 'chance', 'release', 'little', 'sexual', 'frustration', 'go', 'town', 'guy', 'come', 'find', 'best', 'sex', 'ever', 'finish', 'leaf', 'dollar', 'man', 'cup', 'head', 'home', 'homeless', 'guy', 'wake', 'recollection', 'evening', 'dollar', 'cup', 'ecstatic', 'go', 'buy', 'dollar', 'worth', 'wine', 'pass', 'gay', 'guy', 'swing', 'get', 'rock', 'continues', 'day', 'leaving', 'dollar', 'cup', 'leaf', 'homeless', 'man', 'head', 'corner', 'store', 'slam', 'dollar', 'table', 'clerk', 'say', 'dollar', 'worth', 'wine', 'coming', 'right', 'homeless', 'guy', 'say', 'lem', 'get', 'dollar', 'worth', 'whiskey', 'know', 'wine', 'sell', 'goddamn', 'make', 'as', 'hurt', 'bum', 'wine']",138
"""I need to close up this wound, doc"", says the man, ""but I can't afford for you to do it, so can you just give me the needle and thread so I can do it myself?""

The doctor says; ""sure, suture self""",1rjkdw,52,A man walks into a doctor's office with a very deep cut.,"['need', 'close', 'wound', 'doc', 'say', 'man', 'ca', 'afford', 'give', 'needle', 'thread', 'doctor', 'say', 'sure', 'suture', 'self']","['man', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office', 'deep', 'cut']","['need', 'close', 'wound', 'doc', 'say', 'man', 'ca', 'afford', 'give', 'needle', 'thread', 'doctor', 'say', 'sure', 'suture', 'self', 'man', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office', 'deep', 'cut']",22
Why is cannibalism considered to be inhuman? ,4d8w6e,52,"If ""you are what you eat""","['cannibalism', 'considered', 'inhuman']",['eat'],"['cannibalism', 'considered', 'inhuman', 'eat']",4
A meowtain.,2ez6kf,52,What do you call a big pile of kittens?,['meowtain'],"['call', 'big', 'pile', 'kitten']","['meowtain', 'call', 'big', 'pile', 'kitten']",5
He's super clingy.,1jfmra,52,Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend?,"['super', 'clingy']","['bad', 'boyfriend']","['super', 'clingy', 'bad', 'boyfriend']",4
Because freedom rings.,3yl0mp,52,Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?,"['freedom', 'ring']","['knock', 'knock', 'joke', 'america']","['freedom', 'ring', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke', 'america']",6
It's White and all over his land.,2x7vl4,52,Why does the Indian chief hate snow?,"['white', 'land']","['indian', 'chief', 'hate', 'snow']","['white', 'land', 'indian', 'chief', 'hate', 'snow']",6
"In the Spaghetto.



(I 've seen this on reddit before, one of my all time favorites though!)",4l0ml6,52,Where do poor meatballs live?,"['spaghetto', 'seen', 'reddit', 'one', 'time', 'favorite', 'though']","['poor', 'meatball', 'live']","['spaghetto', 'seen', 'reddit', 'one', 'time', 'favorite', 'though', 'poor', 'meatball', 'live']",10
Cuz you've denied me three times already.,4k42ge,52,"Girl, you must be Saint Peter...","['cuz', 'denied', 'three', 'time', 'already']","['girl', 'must', 'saint', 'peter']","['cuz', 'denied', 'three', 'time', 'already', 'girl', 'must', 'saint', 'peter']",9
So he moved.,4ptl0p,52,A man heard that over 90% of car accidents happen within 15 km of home.,['moved'],"['man', 'heard', 'car', 'accident', 'happen', 'within', 'km', 'home']","['moved', 'man', 'heard', 'car', 'accident', 'happen', 'within', 'km', 'home']",9
"His wife said: ""Go get a jug of milk. If they have eggs, buy a dozen"". Later, his wife said: ""Why did you come back with a dozen jugs of milk?"" The logician said: ""They had eggs.""

EDIT: I also don't know whether the logician should have 12 or 13 jugs of milk. Way too damn ambiguous.",4o0fbs,52,A logician is asked to go to get groceries.,"['wife', 'said', 'go', 'get', 'jug', 'milk', 'egg', 'buy', 'dozen', 'later', 'wife', 'said', 'come', 'back', 'dozen', 'jug', 'milk', 'logician', 'said', 'egg', 'edit', 'also', 'know', 'whether', 'logician', 'jug', 'milk', 'way', 'damn', 'ambiguous']","['logician', 'asked', 'go', 'get', 'grocery']","['wife', 'said', 'go', 'get', 'jug', 'milk', 'egg', 'buy', 'dozen', 'later', 'wife', 'said', 'come', 'back', 'dozen', 'jug', 'milk', 'logician', 'said', 'egg', 'edit', 'also', 'know', 'whether', 'logician', 'jug', 'milk', 'way', 'damn', 'ambiguous', 'logician', 'asked', 'go', 'get', 'grocery']",35
"and asks the clerk, ""do you have the new book by Donald Trump about deporting all the Muslims in the U.S.?"" 

Stunned, the clerk responds, ""are you kidding me? Get the hell out of here!""

""That's it! Do you have it in paperpack?""",3ugtg9,52,A guy walks into a bookstore...,"['asks', 'clerk', 'new', 'book', 'donald', 'trump', 'deporting', 'muslim', 'stunned', 'clerk', 'responds', 'kidding', 'get', 'hell', 'paperpack']","['guy', 'walk', 'bookstore']","['asks', 'clerk', 'new', 'book', 'donald', 'trump', 'deporting', 'muslim', 'stunned', 'clerk', 'responds', 'kidding', 'get', 'hell', 'paperpack', 'guy', 'walk', 'bookstore']",18
"Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life.
 
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.
 
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
 
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
 
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
 
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
 
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
 
And as I played ""Amazing Grace"", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.   When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
 
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, . . .
 
""I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.""",4oznap,52,Time is like a river.,"['time', 'like', 'river', 'touch', 'water', 'twice', 'flow', 'passed', 'never', 'pas', 'enjoy', 'every', 'moment', 'life', 'bagpiper', 'play', 'many', 'gig', 'recently', 'asked', 'funeral', 'director', 'play', 'graveside', 'service', 'homeless', 'man', 'family', 'friend', 'service', 'pauper', 'cemetery', 'nova', 'scotia', 'back', 'country', 'familiar', 'backwoods', 'got', 'lost', 'typical', 'man', 'stop', 'direction', 'finally', 'arrived', 'hour', 'late', 'saw', 'funeral', 'guy', 'evidently', 'gone', 'hearse', 'nowhere', 'sight', 'digger', 'crew', 'left', 'eating', 'lunch', 'felt', 'badly', 'apologized', 'men', 'late', 'went', 'side', 'grave', 'looked', 'vault', 'lid', 'already', 'place', 'know', 'else', 'started', 'play', 'worker', 'put', 'lunch', 'began', 'gather', 'around', 'played', 'heart', 'soul', 'man', 'family', 'friend', 'played', 'like', 'never', 'played', 'homeless', 'man', 'played', 'amazing', 'grace', 'worker', 'began', 'weep', 'wept', 'wept', 'wept', 'together', 'finished', 'packed', 'bagpipe', 'started', 'car', 'though', 'head', 'hung', 'low', 'heart', 'full', 'opened', 'door', 'car', 'heard', 'one', 'worker', 'say', 'never', 'seen', 'anything', 'like', 'putting', 'septic', 'tank', 'twenty', 'year']","['time', 'like', 'river']","['time', 'like', 'river', 'touch', 'water', 'twice', 'flow', 'passed', 'never', 'pas', 'enjoy', 'every', 'moment', 'life', 'bagpiper', 'play', 'many', 'gig', 'recently', 'asked', 'funeral', 'director', 'play', 'graveside', 'service', 'homeless', 'man', 'family', 'friend', 'service', 'pauper', 'cemetery', 'nova', 'scotia', 'back', 'country', 'familiar', 'backwoods', 'got', 'lost', 'typical', 'man', 'stop', 'direction', 'finally', 'arrived', 'hour', 'late', 'saw', 'funeral', 'guy', 'evidently', 'gone', 'hearse', 'nowhere', 'sight', 'digger', 'crew', 'left', 'eating', 'lunch', 'felt', 'badly', 'apologized', 'men', 'late', 'went', 'side', 'grave', 'looked', 'vault', 'lid', 'already', 'place', 'know', 'else', 'started', 'play', 'worker', 'put', 'lunch', 'began', 'gather', 'around', 'played', 'heart', 'soul', 'man', 'family', 'friend', 'played', 'like', 'never', 'played', 'homeless', 'man', 'played', 'amazing', 'grace', 'worker', 'began', 'weep', 'wept', 'wept', 'wept', 'together', 'finished', 'packed', 'bagpipe', 'started', 'car', 'though', 'head', 'hung', 'low', 'heart', 'full', 'opened', 'door', 'car', 'heard', 'one', 'worker', 'say', 'never', 'seen', 'anything', 'like', 'putting', 'septic', 'tank', 'twenty', 'year', 'time', 'like', 'river']",136
"There was a postman who is always happy. in the other side there is harry who would just stares at the happy postman everyday and asks himself ""What's the secret of this man"". 
One day Harry decided to stop the postman and ask him why he's always smiling and happy, what he did.
the postman answered:""Whenever I'm handing a mail to a women I kisses her and I get more than just a kiss sometimes.""
Harry liked the idea and went to a poste office and proposed for the job then he got it . In his first delivery Harry was so excited try the kissing thing out, and as he thought, there was a hot women in front of the first door, he went directly towared her and pasted her a kiss staight in the lips, in the middle of that her husband suddenly appeared in front him and asked:""WTF ARE YOU DOING.""

""I'm just delivering a 'kiss' was sent from China"" Harry answered in a sporadic tone.

""Very nice, you came on time, I want to send a 'Fuck' with you to South Africa"" the husband responded while draging Harry into the house.

This is also a translated joke, hope it's better than the first one",1sfagl,52,The postman and kisses dilevery .,"['postman', 'always', 'happy', 'side', 'harry', 'would', 'stare', 'happy', 'postman', 'everyday', 'asks', 'secret', 'man', 'one', 'day', 'harry', 'decided', 'stop', 'postman', 'ask', 'always', 'smiling', 'happy', 'postman', 'answered', 'whenever', 'handing', 'mail', 'woman', 'kiss', 'get', 'kiss', 'sometimes', 'harry', 'liked', 'idea', 'went', 'poste', 'office', 'proposed', 'job', 'got', 'first', 'delivery', 'harry', 'excited', 'try', 'kissing', 'thing', 'thought', 'hot', 'woman', 'front', 'first', 'door', 'went', 'directly', 'towared', 'pasted', 'kiss', 'staight', 'lip', 'middle', 'husband', 'suddenly', 'appeared', 'front', 'asked', 'wtf', 'delivering', 'sent', 'china', 'harry', 'answered', 'sporadic', 'tone', 'nice', 'came', 'time', 'want', 'send', 'south', 'africa', 'husband', 'responded', 'draging', 'harry', 'house', 'also', 'translated', 'joke', 'hope', 'better', 'first', 'one']","['postman', 'kiss', 'dilevery']","['postman', 'always', 'happy', 'side', 'harry', 'would', 'stare', 'happy', 'postman', 'everyday', 'asks', 'secret', 'man', 'one', 'day', 'harry', 'decided', 'stop', 'postman', 'ask', 'always', 'smiling', 'happy', 'postman', 'answered', 'whenever', 'handing', 'mail', 'woman', 'kiss', 'get', 'kiss', 'sometimes', 'harry', 'liked', 'idea', 'went', 'poste', 'office', 'proposed', 'job', 'got', 'first', 'delivery', 'harry', 'excited', 'try', 'kissing', 'thing', 'thought', 'hot', 'woman', 'front', 'first', 'door', 'went', 'directly', 'towared', 'pasted', 'kiss', 'staight', 'lip', 'middle', 'husband', 'suddenly', 'appeared', 'front', 'asked', 'wtf', 'delivering', 'sent', 'china', 'harry', 'answered', 'sporadic', 'tone', 'nice', 'came', 'time', 'want', 'send', 'south', 'africa', 'husband', 'responded', 'draging', 'harry', 'house', 'also', 'translated', 'joke', 'hope', 'better', 'first', 'one', 'postman', 'kiss', 'dilevery']",98
"And one turns to the other, bewildered, and says ""Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?""",28vw33,52,Two fish are sitting in a tank,"['one', 'turn', 'bewildered', 'say', 'idea', 'drive', 'thing']","['two', 'fish', 'sitting', 'tank']","['one', 'turn', 'bewildered', 'say', 'idea', 'drive', 'thing', 'two', 'fish', 'sitting', 'tank']",11
"""What is the 25th letter of the alphabet?""

The son answers, ""Y.""

""Because I want to know!""",3dr57d,52,A dad asks his son...,"['letter', 'alphabet', 'son', 'answer', 'want', 'know']","['dad', 'asks', 'son']","['letter', 'alphabet', 'son', 'answer', 'want', 'know', 'dad', 'asks', 'son']",9
"A man is getting married, so his father decided to give him advice the night before the wedding. ""On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, ""Here, try these on.""

So, she did and said: ""These are too big, I can't wear them.'""

So I replied: ""Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will."" Ever since that night we have never had any problems."" 

After the wedding, the happy couple got to the honeymoon suite, and the new groom decided to assert his place. He took off his pants and said: ""Here try these on.""

She did and said: ""These are too large, they don't fit me.""

He followed the script: ""Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that.""

He was pleasantly surprised whe she removed her pants. Then she handed them to him and said: ""Here, you try on mine.""

He tried and said: ""I can't get into your pants.""

That's when she said: ""Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will.""",2dzvk8,52,Wearing the pants in the family,"['man', 'getting', 'married', 'father', 'decided', 'give', 'advice', 'night', 'wedding', 'wedding', 'night', 'honeymoon', 'suite', 'took', 'pant', 'handed', 'mother', 'said', 'try', 'said', 'big', 'ca', 'wear', 'replied', 'exactly', 'wear', 'pant', 'family', 'always', 'ever', 'since', 'night', 'never', 'problem', 'wedding', 'happy', 'couple', 'got', 'honeymoon', 'suite', 'new', 'groom', 'decided', 'assert', 'place', 'took', 'pant', 'said', 'try', 'said', 'large', 'fit', 'followed', 'script', 'exactly', 'wear', 'pant', 'family', 'always', 'want', 'ever', 'forget', 'pleasantly', 'surprised', 'whe', 'removed', 'pant', 'handed', 'said', 'try', 'mine', 'tried', 'said', 'ca', 'get', 'pant', 'said', 'exactly', 'change', 'attitude', 'never']","['wearing', 'pant', 'family']","['man', 'getting', 'married', 'father', 'decided', 'give', 'advice', 'night', 'wedding', 'wedding', 'night', 'honeymoon', 'suite', 'took', 'pant', 'handed', 'mother', 'said', 'try', 'said', 'big', 'ca', 'wear', 'replied', 'exactly', 'wear', 'pant', 'family', 'always', 'ever', 'since', 'night', 'never', 'problem', 'wedding', 'happy', 'couple', 'got', 'honeymoon', 'suite', 'new', 'groom', 'decided', 'assert', 'place', 'took', 'pant', 'said', 'try', 'said', 'large', 'fit', 'followed', 'script', 'exactly', 'wear', 'pant', 'family', 'always', 'want', 'ever', 'forget', 'pleasantly', 'surprised', 'whe', 'removed', 'pant', 'handed', 'said', 'try', 'mine', 'tried', 'said', 'ca', 'get', 'pant', 'said', 'exactly', 'change', 'attitude', 'never', 'wearing', 'pant', 'family']",84
massage a knee,3kst73,52,How do you agitate an achy feminist runner?,"['massage', 'knee']","['agitate', 'achy', 'feminist', 'runner']","['massage', 'knee', 'agitate', 'achy', 'feminist', 'runner']",6
A: where is popcorn,4o0lzl,52,Q: What did the momma corn say to baby corn?,['popcorn'],"['q', 'momma', 'corn', 'say', 'baby', 'corn']","['popcorn', 'q', 'momma', 'corn', 'say', 'baby', 'corn']",7
"A son walks up to his dad and tells him: ""Dad, did you know in other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?""
His dad replies: ""It's like that everywhere son.""",4h25k0,52,A son walks up to his dad :,"['son', 'walk', 'dad', 'tell', 'dad', 'know', 'country', 'know', 'wife', 'get', 'married', 'dad', 'reply', 'like', 'everywhere', 'son']","['son', 'walk', 'dad']","['son', 'walk', 'dad', 'tell', 'dad', 'know', 'country', 'know', 'wife', 'get', 'married', 'dad', 'reply', 'like', 'everywhere', 'son', 'son', 'walk', 'dad']",19
"A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, ""Your word is spider.""

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, ""Could you please use it in a sentence?""

A judge replies, ""A spider has eight eyes.""

The boy then states, ""S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R.""",3mevyc,52,A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.,"['keen', 'young', 'boy', 'step', 'judge', 'told', 'word', 'spider', 'quite', 'sure', 'spell', 'boy', 'asks', 'could', 'please', 'use', 'sentence', 'judge', 'reply', 'spider', 'eight', 'eye', 'boy', 'state']","['group', 'primary', 'school', 'student', 'participating', 'local', 'spelling', 'bee']","['keen', 'young', 'boy', 'step', 'judge', 'told', 'word', 'spider', 'quite', 'sure', 'spell', 'boy', 'asks', 'could', 'please', 'use', 'sentence', 'judge', 'reply', 'spider', 'eight', 'eye', 'boy', 'state', 'group', 'primary', 'school', 'student', 'participating', 'local', 'spelling', 'bee']",32
suddenly she's not your friend anymore?,2azedj,52,Why is it that whenever you complement someone on their mustache...,"['suddenly', 'friend', 'anymore']","['whenever', 'complement', 'someone', 'mustache']","['suddenly', 'friend', 'anymore', 'whenever', 'complement', 'someone', 'mustache']",7
"I shit, you knot.",4xl3iy,52,Can someone come to my house and tie me to my toilet? I keep falling off.,"['shit', 'knot']","['someone', 'come', 'house', 'tie', 'toilet', 'keep', 'falling']","['shit', 'knot', 'someone', 'come', 'house', 'tie', 'toilet', 'keep', 'falling']",9
..not even a bit.,1qd5cf,52,I don't get computer-related jokes.,"['even', 'bit']","['get', 'joke']","['even', 'bit', 'get', 'joke']",4
A vote for Trump.,4bknma,52,What do you get 18 years after fucking your sister?,"['vote', 'trump']","['get', 'year', 'fucking', 'sister']","['vote', 'trump', 'get', 'year', 'fucking', 'sister']",6
RRRrrrrrrrrrrrape!,1ngds0,52,Why did Tony the Tiger go to prison?,['rrrrrrrrrrrrrrape'],"['tony', 'tiger', 'go', 'prison']","['rrrrrrrrrrrrrrape', 'tony', 'tiger', 'go', 'prison']",5
so they fired me from my job at the bank.,2oez0l,52,I recently came into a very large sum of money,"['fired', 'job', 'bank']","['recently', 'came', 'large', 'sum', 'money']","['fired', 'job', 'bank', 'recently', 'came', 'large', 'sum', 'money']",8
"A group of cannibals just recently kidnapped three homeless men and took them to a secluded area of the woods. The head cannibal looks at all of the men and says ""I order you to go into the woods and come back with ten of the same fruit"". The men went off into the woods to look for fruit. 
Later on two of the men return one with ten apples and one with ten blueberries. The head cannibal says to the two men ""If you want to live you have to stick all ten of the fruits you've brought back up your ass without making a facial expression otherwise we will cut off your heads and eat you"". 
The first man attempts to stick the first apple up his ass and expectedly makes a facial expression. His head is cut off and he will be eaten. 
The second man sticks blueberries one by one up his ass and doesn't make a facial expression. Right when he goes to stick the tenth berry up his ass he explodes into uncontrollable laughter so obviously his head is cut off and he is eaten. 
Up in heaven the two men meet again and the first man asks the second man ""why did you laugh so much you could still be alive if you hadn't laughed"". 
Smirking the second man replies ""I saw Johnny walking back with pineapples"" ",3bh861,52,A group of cannibals...,"['group', 'cannibal', 'recently', 'kidnapped', 'three', 'homeless', 'men', 'took', 'secluded', 'area', 'wood', 'head', 'cannibal', 'look', 'men', 'say', 'order', 'go', 'wood', 'come', 'back', 'ten', 'fruit', 'men', 'went', 'wood', 'look', 'fruit', 'later', 'two', 'men', 'return', 'one', 'ten', 'apple', 'one', 'ten', 'blueberry', 'head', 'cannibal', 'say', 'two', 'men', 'want', 'live', 'stick', 'ten', 'fruit', 'brought', 'back', 'as', 'without', 'making', 'facial', 'expression', 'otherwise', 'cut', 'head', 'eat', 'first', 'man', 'attempt', 'stick', 'first', 'apple', 'as', 'expectedly', 'make', 'facial', 'expression', 'head', 'cut', 'eaten', 'second', 'man', 'stick', 'blueberry', 'one', 'one', 'as', 'make', 'facial', 'expression', 'right', 'go', 'stick', 'tenth', 'berry', 'as', 'explodes', 'uncontrollable', 'laughter', 'obviously', 'head', 'cut', 'eaten', 'heaven', 'two', 'men', 'meet', 'first', 'man', 'asks', 'second', 'man', 'laugh', 'much', 'could', 'still', 'alive', 'laughed', 'smirking', 'second', 'man', 'reply', 'saw', 'johnny', 'walking', 'back', 'pineapple']","['group', 'cannibal']","['group', 'cannibal', 'recently', 'kidnapped', 'three', 'homeless', 'men', 'took', 'secluded', 'area', 'wood', 'head', 'cannibal', 'look', 'men', 'say', 'order', 'go', 'wood', 'come', 'back', 'ten', 'fruit', 'men', 'went', 'wood', 'look', 'fruit', 'later', 'two', 'men', 'return', 'one', 'ten', 'apple', 'one', 'ten', 'blueberry', 'head', 'cannibal', 'say', 'two', 'men', 'want', 'live', 'stick', 'ten', 'fruit', 'brought', 'back', 'as', 'without', 'making', 'facial', 'expression', 'otherwise', 'cut', 'head', 'eat', 'first', 'man', 'attempt', 'stick', 'first', 'apple', 'as', 'expectedly', 'make', 'facial', 'expression', 'head', 'cut', 'eaten', 'second', 'man', 'stick', 'blueberry', 'one', 'one', 'as', 'make', 'facial', 'expression', 'right', 'go', 'stick', 'tenth', 'berry', 'as', 'explodes', 'uncontrollable', 'laughter', 'obviously', 'head', 'cut', 'eaten', 'heaven', 'two', 'men', 'meet', 'first', 'man', 'asks', 'second', 'man', 'laugh', 'much', 'could', 'still', 'alive', 'laughed', 'smirking', 'second', 'man', 'reply', 'saw', 'johnny', 'walking', 'back', 'pineapple', 'group', 'cannibal']",122
..it feels so amazing to have in your arms.,4jn00p,52,Heroin is like a baby..,"['feel', 'amazing', 'arm']","['heroin', 'like', 'baby']","['feel', 'amazing', 'arm', 'heroin', 'like', 'baby']",6
"There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends. ""Say, Pop,"" said the boy. ""Yes,"" replied his father.

""The bull just fucked the brown cow.""

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said ""Excuse me"" and took his son outside. ""Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull surprises the white cow.""

The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, ""Hey, Daddy.""

""Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?""

""He sure did, Pop! He fucked the brown cow again!""
",3840r0,52,My grandfathers favorite joke... (bad language),"['farmer', 'brown', 'cow', 'white', 'cow', 'wanted', 'get', 'bred', 'borrowed', 'neighbor', 'bull', 'turned', 'loose', 'pasture', 'told', 'son', 'watch', 'come', 'tell', 'bull', 'finished', 'boy', 'came', 'living', 'father', 'talking', 'friend', 'say', 'pop', 'said', 'boy', 'yes', 'replied', 'father', 'bull', 'fucked', 'brown', 'cow', 'sudden', 'lull', 'conversation', 'father', 'said', 'excuse', 'took', 'son', 'outside', 'son', 'must', 'use', 'language', 'like', 'front', 'company', 'say', 'bull', 'surprised', 'brown', 'cow', 'go', 'watch', 'tell', 'bull', 'surprise', 'white', 'cow', 'father', 'went', 'back', 'inside', 'house', 'boy', 'came', 'said', 'hey', 'daddy', 'yes', 'son', 'bull', 'surprise', 'white', 'cow', 'sure', 'pop', 'fucked', 'brown', 'cow']","['grandfather', 'favorite', 'joke', 'bad', 'language']","['farmer', 'brown', 'cow', 'white', 'cow', 'wanted', 'get', 'bred', 'borrowed', 'neighbor', 'bull', 'turned', 'loose', 'pasture', 'told', 'son', 'watch', 'come', 'tell', 'bull', 'finished', 'boy', 'came', 'living', 'father', 'talking', 'friend', 'say', 'pop', 'said', 'boy', 'yes', 'replied', 'father', 'bull', 'fucked', 'brown', 'cow', 'sudden', 'lull', 'conversation', 'father', 'said', 'excuse', 'took', 'son', 'outside', 'son', 'must', 'use', 'language', 'like', 'front', 'company', 'say', 'bull', 'surprised', 'brown', 'cow', 'go', 'watch', 'tell', 'bull', 'surprise', 'white', 'cow', 'father', 'went', 'back', 'inside', 'house', 'boy', 'came', 'said', 'hey', 'daddy', 'yes', 'son', 'bull', 'surprise', 'white', 'cow', 'sure', 'pop', 'fucked', 'brown', 'cow', 'grandfather', 'favorite', 'joke', 'bad', 'language']",92
The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the sausage.,3a5dco,52,What's the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?,"['fridge', 'fart', 'take', 'sausage']","['difference', 'gay', 'guy', 'fridge']","['fridge', 'fart', 'take', 'sausage', 'difference', 'gay', 'guy', 'fridge']",8
Cuz I a'int ever seen a president assassinated,40oc81,52,I'm gonna vote for Trump at elections...,"['cuz', 'ever', 'seen', 'president', 'assassinated']","['gon', 'na', 'vote', 'trump', 'election']","['cuz', 'ever', 'seen', 'president', 'assassinated', 'gon', 'na', 'vote', 'trump', 'election']",10
"*A little background - in Russia it's kind of a cultural thing to drink in groups of three*  
  
Two bums are sitting in an alley behind a liquor store and sharing a bottle of cheap vodka when a third bum comes up to them.  
  
- ""Hey guys, can I be the third?""  
- ""No, but you can be the fourth!""  
- ""What?""
- ""We already told three others to go fuck themselves""",3f1zd5,52,Two bums are sharing a drink...,"['little', 'background', 'russia', 'kind', 'cultural', 'thing', 'drink', 'group', 'three', 'two', 'bum', 'sitting', 'alley', 'behind', 'liquor', 'store', 'sharing', 'bottle', 'cheap', 'vodka', 'third', 'bum', 'come', 'hey', 'guy', 'third', 'fourth', 'already', 'told', 'three', 'others', 'go', 'fuck']","['two', 'bum', 'sharing', 'drink']","['little', 'background', 'russia', 'kind', 'cultural', 'thing', 'drink', 'group', 'three', 'two', 'bum', 'sitting', 'alley', 'behind', 'liquor', 'store', 'sharing', 'bottle', 'cheap', 'vodka', 'third', 'bum', 'come', 'hey', 'guy', 'third', 'fourth', 'already', 'told', 'three', 'others', 'go', 'fuck', 'two', 'bum', 'sharing', 'drink']",37
Watch this!,1ixtmx,52,What's the last thing a Redneck says before he dies?,['watch'],"['last', 'thing', 'redneck', 'say', 'dy']","['watch', 'last', 'thing', 'redneck', 'say', 'dy']",6
Just Juan,1grno9,52,How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?,['juan'],"['many', 'mexican', 'take', 'screw', 'lightbulb']","['juan', 'many', 'mexican', 'take', 'screw', 'lightbulb']",6
"A teacher says to her students, ""Today we are learning multisyllable words. Who has an example of one?"" 
A boy in the from row raises his hand. ""Okay,"" the teacher says, ""tell me your multisyllable word.""
The boy stammers, ""Mas-ter-bate.""
The teacher smiles and says, ""Wow, that's a real mouthful.""
The boy says, ""No ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job.""",2qmql1,52,A teacher says to her student...NSFW,"['teacher', 'say', 'student', 'today', 'learning', 'multisyllable', 'word', 'example', 'one', 'boy', 'row', 'raise', 'hand', 'okay', 'teacher', 'say', 'tell', 'multisyllable', 'word', 'boy', 'stammer', 'teacher', 'smile', 'say', 'wow', 'real', 'mouthful', 'boy', 'say', 'thinking', 'blow', 'job']","['teacher', 'say', 'student', 'nsfw']","['teacher', 'say', 'student', 'today', 'learning', 'multisyllable', 'word', 'example', 'one', 'boy', 'row', 'raise', 'hand', 'okay', 'teacher', 'say', 'tell', 'multisyllable', 'word', 'boy', 'stammer', 'teacher', 'smile', 'say', 'wow', 'real', 'mouthful', 'boy', 'say', 'thinking', 'blow', 'job', 'teacher', 'say', 'student', 'nsfw']",36
But I was too busy nailing OP's mom,3il4bk,52,I was going to post this funny incest joke last night...,"['busy', 'nailing', 'op', 'mom']","['going', 'post', 'funny', 'incest', 'joke', 'last', 'night']","['busy', 'nailing', 'op', 'mom', 'going', 'post', 'funny', 'incest', 'joke', 'last', 'night']",11
"On a bull, the horns are at the front, and the ass hole is at the back.",1efj7f,52,For The Musicians: What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?,"['bull', 'horn', 'front', 'as', 'hole', 'back']","['musician', 'difference', 'orchestra', 'bull']","['bull', 'horn', 'front', 'as', 'hole', 'back', 'musician', 'difference', 'orchestra', 'bull']",10
Taxi Vader,4rv30h,52,Just met Darth Vader's corrupt brother.,"['taxi', 'vader']","['met', 'darth', 'vader', 'corrupt', 'brother']","['taxi', 'vader', 'met', 'darth', 'vader', 'corrupt', 'brother']",7
"One says to the other 'My chest is tight, and I feel heavy'. The other one replies 'That's because you're standing on your left titty.'. ",1f7jcg,52,Two Grandma's Are Walking Down The Street...,"['one', 'say', 'chest', 'tight', 'feel', 'heavy', 'one', 'reply', 'standing', 'left', 'titty']","['two', 'grandma', 'walking', 'street']","['one', 'say', 'chest', 'tight', 'feel', 'heavy', 'one', 'reply', 'standing', 'left', 'titty', 'two', 'grandma', 'walking', 'street']",15
"The foot says, ""I have such a terrible life.  Every day I get shoved into a smelly sock and shoe and have to work all day supporting our master.""

The penis replies, ""You think you have it bad, huh?  Every day I get a bag pulled over my head and I'm forced to do push-ups inside a dark, wet cave until I throw up!""",31b5hq,52,A foot and a penis are having a conversation...,"['foot', 'say', 'terrible', 'life', 'every', 'day', 'get', 'shoved', 'smelly', 'sock', 'shoe', 'work', 'day', 'supporting', 'master', 'penis', 'reply', 'think', 'bad', 'huh', 'every', 'day', 'get', 'bag', 'pulled', 'head', 'forced', 'inside', 'dark', 'wet', 'cave', 'throw']","['foot', 'penis', 'conversation']","['foot', 'say', 'terrible', 'life', 'every', 'day', 'get', 'shoved', 'smelly', 'sock', 'shoe', 'work', 'day', 'supporting', 'master', 'penis', 'reply', 'think', 'bad', 'huh', 'every', 'day', 'get', 'bag', 'pulled', 'head', 'forced', 'inside', 'dark', 'wet', 'cave', 'throw', 'foot', 'penis', 'conversation']",35
Everywhere!,32qye1,52,Where do suicide bombers go when they die?,['everywhere'],"['suicide', 'bomber', 'go', 'die']","['everywhere', 'suicide', 'bomber', 'go', 'die']",5
I'm a big fan.,3r3of4,52,What did a propeller say to Howard Hughes?,"['big', 'fan']","['propeller', 'say', 'howard', 'hughes']","['big', 'fan', 'propeller', 'say', 'howard', 'hughes']",6
"He walks in and sits down at the counter. He reads the menu on the wall and see’s:
Hot dog $1
Hamburger $5
Cheeseburger $6
Hand job $20

He asks the lady behind the bar to come here. When she does, he asks her if she is the one that gives the hand job. Smiling, she says yes she is. He says “ok, then do me a favor. Go wash your hands and get me a fucking cheeseburger.”
",1rgbiu,52,A man walks into a bar,"['walk', 'sits', 'counter', 'read', 'menu', 'wall', 'see', 'hot', 'dog', 'hamburger', 'cheeseburger', 'hand', 'job', 'asks', 'lady', 'behind', 'bar', 'come', 'asks', 'one', 'give', 'hand', 'job', 'smiling', 'say', 'yes', 'say', 'ok', 'favor', 'go', 'wash', 'hand', 'get', 'fucking', 'cheeseburger']","['man', 'walk', 'bar']","['walk', 'sits', 'counter', 'read', 'menu', 'wall', 'see', 'hot', 'dog', 'hamburger', 'cheeseburger', 'hand', 'job', 'asks', 'lady', 'behind', 'bar', 'come', 'asks', 'one', 'give', 'hand', 'job', 'smiling', 'say', 'yes', 'say', 'ok', 'favor', 'go', 'wash', 'hand', 'get', 'fucking', 'cheeseburger', 'man', 'walk', 'bar']",38
A ripoff,1i7qgr,52,What do you call a cheap circumcision?,['ripoff'],"['call', 'cheap', 'circumcision']","['ripoff', 'call', 'cheap', 'circumcision']",4
Boo Bees,4cdnmt,52,What did the ghost say to the bees?,"['boo', 'bee']","['ghost', 'say', 'bee']","['boo', 'bee', 'ghost', 'say', 'bee']",5
"The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. 
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. 
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,
""Take only one. God is watching.""
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. 
One child whispered to another, ""Take all you want. 
God is watching the apples.""",5r86i0,52,The children were lined up in.........,"['child', 'lined', 'cafeteria', 'catholic', 'elementary', 'school', 'lunch', 'head', 'table', 'large', 'pile', 'apple', 'nun', 'made', 'note', 'posted', 'apple', 'tray', 'take', 'one', 'god', 'watching', 'moving', 'along', 'lunch', 'line', 'end', 'table', 'large', 'pile', 'chocolate', 'chip', 'cooky', 'one', 'child', 'whispered', 'another', 'take', 'want', 'god', 'watching', 'apple']","['child', 'lined']","['child', 'lined', 'cafeteria', 'catholic', 'elementary', 'school', 'lunch', 'head', 'table', 'large', 'pile', 'apple', 'nun', 'made', 'note', 'posted', 'apple', 'tray', 'take', 'one', 'god', 'watching', 'moving', 'along', 'lunch', 'line', 'end', 'table', 'large', 'pile', 'chocolate', 'chip', 'cooky', 'one', 'child', 'whispered', 'another', 'take', 'want', 'god', 'watching', 'apple', 'child', 'lined']",44
They're so full of themselves.,4pky1a,52,I'm really starting to hate these little Russian Dolls...,['full'],"['really', 'starting', 'hate', 'little', 'russian', 'doll']","['full', 'really', 'starting', 'hate', 'little', 'russian', 'doll']",7
"They steal all the green cards.
",29kbkj,52,Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican?,"['steal', 'green', 'card']","['ca', 'play', 'uno', 'mexican']","['steal', 'green', 'card', 'ca', 'play', 'uno', 'mexican']",7
I've said it before.,4uksq1,52,"I've said it before, and I'll say it again...",['said'],"['said', 'say']","['said', 'said', 'say']",3
A quarter pounder with cheese,1r8zy2,52,What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection?,"['quarter', 'pounder', 'cheese']","['call', 'anorexic', 'girl', 'yeast', 'infection']","['quarter', 'pounder', 'cheese', 'call', 'anorexic', 'girl', 'yeast', 'infection']",8
"his Momma would give him a $1 bill to go and get groceries at the corner store.  
""I'd haul back 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea, and 1/2 dozen eggs.  
But now, sadly, you can't do that.  
Too many fucking security cameras!""",1f0pj1,52,Grandpa was remembering as a boy,"['momma', 'would', 'give', 'bill', 'go', 'get', 'grocery', 'corner', 'store', 'haul', 'back', 'bag', 'potato', 'loaf', 'bread', 'bottle', 'milk', 'hunk', 'cheese', 'box', 'tea', 'dozen', 'egg', 'sadly', 'ca', 'many', 'fucking', 'security', 'camera']","['grandpa', 'remembering', 'boy']","['momma', 'would', 'give', 'bill', 'go', 'get', 'grocery', 'corner', 'store', 'haul', 'back', 'bag', 'potato', 'loaf', 'bread', 'bottle', 'milk', 'hunk', 'cheese', 'box', 'tea', 'dozen', 'egg', 'sadly', 'ca', 'many', 'fucking', 'security', 'camera', 'grandpa', 'remembering', 'boy']",32
"...""Hi can I have a quickie?""
The waitress gives him a dirty look and walks off. She later approaches the table and the man asks: ""Can I please have a quickie?"" The waitress responds: ""Sir, If you ask me that one more time, I'm going to have to call my manager over."" and walks off again.
The man looks completely bemused, so the lady at the table next to his turns and says: ""I think it's pronounced 'kee-sh'.""",3iy0vo,52,A man in a restaurant says to the waitress...,"['hi', 'quickie', 'waitress', 'give', 'dirty', 'look', 'walk', 'later', 'approach', 'table', 'man', 'asks', 'please', 'quickie', 'waitress', 'responds', 'sir', 'ask', 'one', 'time', 'going', 'call', 'manager', 'walk', 'man', 'look', 'completely', 'bemused', 'lady', 'table', 'next', 'turn', 'say', 'think', 'pronounced']","['man', 'restaurant', 'say', 'waitress']","['hi', 'quickie', 'waitress', 'give', 'dirty', 'look', 'walk', 'later', 'approach', 'table', 'man', 'asks', 'please', 'quickie', 'waitress', 'responds', 'sir', 'ask', 'one', 'time', 'going', 'call', 'manager', 'walk', 'man', 'look', 'completely', 'bemused', 'lady', 'table', 'next', 'turn', 'say', 'think', 'pronounced', 'man', 'restaurant', 'say', 'waitress']",39
"A man walks into a bar and sees a bunch of old men sitting around talking and drinking.  He gets up to the bar, and orders himself a drink, and casually listens into the conversations.

""Yes yes, but number 42.""  

""Number 42?  Two fifty eight.""  

""Are you kidding me?  Thirty three my friend.  Thirty three.""

The man looks at the bartender and asks, ""Hey what's with the numbers?""

""Oh they're just talking politics.  Same group, day in and day out.""

""But what's with the numbers?""

""Well, they got tired of re-hashing the same old arguments over and over.  So they just gave them a number.""

A man in back shouts, ""Fifty two, as always.""

Bartender says, ""See, fifty two means he's accusing the other guy of making an appeal to stone, which is a logical fallacy in which a statement is automatically dismissed as ridiculous without taking the evidence into consideration.""

""Wow, that's amazing.""

""Not really.  I've been listening to them for years.  Most of them don't even know what they're talking about.  I think you could just throw out random numbers and none of them would know it.""

Just then an elderly gentleman sits next to him.  The guy decides to give it a try, so he looks over and asks, ""So my friend.  Twenty eight.""

He replies, ""Twenty eight?  Bah!  A hundred and thirteen.""

""Fifty-two.""

""Fifty-two?"" The man raises his voice a little.  ""Seventy three!""

Not knowing what to say next, the man just spouts off random numbers.  ""Eight nine""

""Eight""

""Ninety six.""

""A hundred and four!""

The exchange continues back and forth.  Thirty-two.  Fifty Six.  Seventy nine.  One thirty three.  

The old man stops and with a huge grin, he says ""Ah ... very clever.  Very clever.  One thirty three.  But Sixteen.  You never considered sixteen. Checkmate.""

The guy, still clueless about what they just argued about, looks to the bartender, holds up his finger to motion for another drink and says, ""One.""

At that moment, the bar goes silent.  They all look to the man.  The elderly gentleman is furious.  Enraged.  He stands up, and with as strong a punch any octogenarian can muster, he hits the guy as hard as he can, and storms out.  

Stunned, the guy recomposes himself.  The bar goes back to their conversations, and he asks the bartender, ""What the hell just happened?""

""That was Saul Greenberg, and you just said he's no better than Hitler.""",5t6m7w,51,A man walks into a bar (semi-original),"['man', 'walk', 'bar', 'see', 'bunch', 'old', 'men', 'sitting', 'around', 'talking', 'drinking', 'get', 'bar', 'order', 'drink', 'casually', 'listens', 'conversation', 'yes', 'yes', 'number', 'number', 'two', 'fifty', 'eight', 'kidding', 'thirty', 'three', 'friend', 'thirty', 'three', 'man', 'look', 'bartender', 'asks', 'hey', 'number', 'oh', 'talking', 'politics', 'group', 'day', 'day', 'number', 'well', 'got', 'tired', 'old', 'argument', 'gave', 'number', 'man', 'back', 'shout', 'fifty', 'two', 'always', 'bartender', 'say', 'see', 'fifty', 'two', 'mean', 'accusing', 'guy', 'making', 'appeal', 'stone', 'logical', 'fallacy', 'statement', 'automatically', 'dismissed', 'ridiculous', 'without', 'taking', 'evidence', 'consideration', 'wow', 'amazing', 'really', 'listening', 'year', 'even', 'know', 'talking', 'think', 'could', 'throw', 'random', 'number', 'none', 'would', 'know', 'elderly', 'gentleman', 'sits', 'next', 'guy', 'decides', 'give', 'try', 'look', 'asks', 'friend', 'twenty', 'eight', 'reply', 'twenty', 'eight', 'bah', 'hundred', 'thirteen', 'man', 'raise', 'voice', 'little', 'seventy', 'three', 'knowing', 'say', 'next', 'man', 'spout', 'random', 'number', 'eight', 'nine', 'eight', 'ninety', 'six', 'hundred', 'four', 'exchange', 'continues', 'back', 'forth', 'fifty', 'six', 'seventy', 'nine', 'one', 'thirty', 'three', 'old', 'man', 'stop', 'huge', 'grin', 'say', 'ah', 'clever', 'clever', 'one', 'thirty', 'three', 'sixteen', 'never', 'considered', 'sixteen', 'checkmate', 'guy', 'still', 'clueless', 'argued', 'look', 'bartender', 'hold', 'finger', 'motion', 'another', 'drink', 'say', 'one', 'moment', 'bar', 'go', 'silent', 'look', 'man', 'elderly', 'gentleman', 'furious', 'enraged', 'stand', 'strong', 'punch', 'octogenarian', 'muster', 'hit', 'guy', 'hard', 'storm', 'stunned', 'guy', 'recomposes', 'bar', 'go', 'back', 'conversation', 'asks', 'bartender', 'hell', 'happened', 'saul', 'greenberg', 'said', 'better', 'hitler']","['man', 'walk', 'bar']","['man', 'walk', 'bar', 'see', 'bunch', 'old', 'men', 'sitting', 'around', 'talking', 'drinking', 'get', 'bar', 'order', 'drink', 'casually', 'listens', 'conversation', 'yes', 'yes', 'number', 'number', 'two', 'fifty', 'eight', 'kidding', 'thirty', 'three', 'friend', 'thirty', 'three', 'man', 'look', 'bartender', 'asks', 'hey', 'number', 'oh', 'talking', 'politics', 'group', 'day', 'day', 'number', 'well', 'got', 'tired', 'old', 'argument', 'gave', 'number', 'man', 'back', 'shout', 'fifty', 'two', 'always', 'bartender', 'say', 'see', 'fifty', 'two', 'mean', 'accusing', 'guy', 'making', 'appeal', 'stone', 'logical', 'fallacy', 'statement', 'automatically', 'dismissed', 'ridiculous', 'without', 'taking', 'evidence', 'consideration', 'wow', 'amazing', 'really', 'listening', 'year', 'even', 'know', 'talking', 'think', 'could', 'throw', 'random', 'number', 'none', 'would', 'know', 'elderly', 'gentleman', 'sits', 'next', 'guy', 'decides', 'give', 'try', 'look', 'asks', 'friend', 'twenty', 'eight', 'reply', 'twenty', 'eight', 'bah', 'hundred', 'thirteen', 'man', 'raise', 'voice', 'little', 'seventy', 'three', 'knowing', 'say', 'next', 'man', 'spout', 'random', 'number', 'eight', 'nine', 'eight', 'ninety', 'six', 'hundred', 'four', 'exchange', 'continues', 'back', 'forth', 'fifty', 'six', 'seventy', 'nine', 'one', 'thirty', 'three', 'old', 'man', 'stop', 'huge', 'grin', 'say', 'ah', 'clever', 'clever', 'one', 'thirty', 'three', 'sixteen', 'never', 'considered', 'sixteen', 'checkmate', 'guy', 'still', 'clueless', 'argued', 'look', 'bartender', 'hold', 'finger', 'motion', 'another', 'drink', 'say', 'one', 'moment', 'bar', 'go', 'silent', 'look', 'man', 'elderly', 'gentleman', 'furious', 'enraged', 'stand', 'strong', 'punch', 'octogenarian', 'muster', 'hit', 'guy', 'hard', 'storm', 'stunned', 'guy', 'recomposes', 'bar', 'go', 'back', 'conversation', 'asks', 'bartender', 'hell', 'happened', 'saul', 'greenberg', 'said', 'better', 'hitler', 'man', 'walk', 'bar']",212
A right a right a right,2ln0j5,51,How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house?,"['right', 'right', 'right']","['get', 'matthew', 'mcconaughey', 'house']","['right', 'right', 'right', 'get', 'matthew', 'mcconaughey', 'house']",7
"This surprised me, because I thought it was going to be a 6S. ",3sr4ju,51,I read the new iPhone was a commercial failure.,"['surprised', 'thought', 'going']","['read', 'new', 'iphone', 'commercial', 'failure']","['surprised', 'thought', 'going', 'read', 'new', 'iphone', 'commercial', 'failure']",8
"and complains ""You wouldn't believe what happened to me. Somebody stole my bicycle from synagogue.""
The rabbi is appalled. He can't believe it. He offers a solution to catch the thief. He says "" Come to synagogue next week and sit in the front row. As we go on with the 10 commandments, turn around and look at everyone in the eyes. When we get to Thou shall not Steal, see who can't look you in the eyes. That person is the thief"". The guy loves the idea and agrees to try this.
He comes to the synagogue next week and sits in the front row and looks everyone in the eyes during the 10 commandments. He comes to the rabbi at the end of the service and thanks him ""What a fantastic idea! It worked like a charm. The moment we got to Thou shall not commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my bike.""",1chbhx,51,A guy goes to a Rabbi,"['complains', 'would', 'believe', 'happened', 'somebody', 'stole', 'bicycle', 'synagogue', 'rabbi', 'appalled', 'ca', 'believe', 'offer', 'solution', 'catch', 'thief', 'say', 'come', 'synagogue', 'next', 'week', 'sit', 'front', 'row', 'go', 'commandment', 'turn', 'around', 'look', 'everyone', 'eye', 'get', 'thou', 'shall', 'steal', 'see', 'ca', 'look', 'eye', 'person', 'thief', 'guy', 'love', 'idea', 'agrees', 'try', 'come', 'synagogue', 'next', 'week', 'sits', 'front', 'row', 'look', 'everyone', 'eye', 'commandment', 'come', 'rabbi', 'end', 'service', 'thanks', 'fantastic', 'idea', 'worked', 'like', 'charm', 'moment', 'got', 'thou', 'shall', 'commit', 'adultery', 'remembered', 'left', 'bike']","['guy', 'go', 'rabbi']","['complains', 'would', 'believe', 'happened', 'somebody', 'stole', 'bicycle', 'synagogue', 'rabbi', 'appalled', 'ca', 'believe', 'offer', 'solution', 'catch', 'thief', 'say', 'come', 'synagogue', 'next', 'week', 'sit', 'front', 'row', 'go', 'commandment', 'turn', 'around', 'look', 'everyone', 'eye', 'get', 'thou', 'shall', 'steal', 'see', 'ca', 'look', 'eye', 'person', 'thief', 'guy', 'love', 'idea', 'agrees', 'try', 'come', 'synagogue', 'next', 'week', 'sits', 'front', 'row', 'look', 'everyone', 'eye', 'commandment', 'come', 'rabbi', 'end', 'service', 'thanks', 'fantastic', 'idea', 'worked', 'like', 'charm', 'moment', 'got', 'thou', 'shall', 'commit', 'adultery', 'remembered', 'left', 'bike', 'guy', 'go', 'rabbi']",79
Phelps can finish a race.,3jg76r,51,What’s the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?,"['phelps', 'finish', 'race']","['difference', 'hitler', 'michael', 'phelps']","['phelps', 'finish', 'race', 'difference', 'hitler', 'michael', 'phelps']",7
My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.,42rpty,51,I have an EpiPen...,"['friend', 'gave', 'dying', 'seemed', 'important']",['epipen'],"['friend', 'gave', 'dying', 'seemed', 'important', 'epipen']",6
"When he comes upon a car parked on a dead end street and sees some people in it. He walks upto the car where he sees a guy reading a book in the front seat and a girl knitting in the back seat.

He asks the gentleman for his license and registration. He goes back to his car and runs the info, where it comes up clean. So he walks back to the car and gives the guy his papers back. He asks what the guy is doing and he answers ""just sitting here reading a book. Moby Dick actually"". The cop then asks what the female is doing, and the guy answers ""She's knitting something, but won't tell me what it is."" The cop asks how old the guy is and he answers ""I'm 21 sir."" The cop then asks how old the girl is. The guy looks at his watch,looks at the officer and says ""In about 12 minutes she'll be 18""",1kn5gg,51,A cop is driving around in his car,"['come', 'upon', 'car', 'parked', 'dead', 'end', 'street', 'see', 'people', 'walk', 'upto', 'car', 'see', 'guy', 'reading', 'book', 'front', 'seat', 'girl', 'knitting', 'back', 'seat', 'asks', 'gentleman', 'license', 'registration', 'go', 'back', 'car', 'run', 'info', 'come', 'clean', 'walk', 'back', 'car', 'give', 'guy', 'paper', 'back', 'asks', 'guy', 'answer', 'sitting', 'reading', 'book', 'moby', 'dick', 'actually', 'cop', 'asks', 'female', 'guy', 'answer', 'knitting', 'something', 'wo', 'tell', 'cop', 'asks', 'old', 'guy', 'answer', 'sir', 'cop', 'asks', 'old', 'girl', 'guy', 'look', 'watch', 'look', 'officer', 'say', 'minute']","['cop', 'driving', 'around', 'car']","['come', 'upon', 'car', 'parked', 'dead', 'end', 'street', 'see', 'people', 'walk', 'upto', 'car', 'see', 'guy', 'reading', 'book', 'front', 'seat', 'girl', 'knitting', 'back', 'seat', 'asks', 'gentleman', 'license', 'registration', 'go', 'back', 'car', 'run', 'info', 'come', 'clean', 'walk', 'back', 'car', 'give', 'guy', 'paper', 'back', 'asks', 'guy', 'answer', 'sitting', 'reading', 'book', 'moby', 'dick', 'actually', 'cop', 'asks', 'female', 'guy', 'answer', 'knitting', 'something', 'wo', 'tell', 'cop', 'asks', 'old', 'guy', 'answer', 'sir', 'cop', 'asks', 'old', 'girl', 'guy', 'look', 'watch', 'look', 'officer', 'say', 'minute', 'cop', 'driving', 'around', 'car']",79
"One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter",3j79sv,51,What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?,"['one', 'really', 'heavy', 'little', 'lighter']","['difference', 'hippo', 'zippo']","['one', 'really', 'heavy', 'little', 'lighter', 'difference', 'hippo', 'zippo']",8
Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.,4vwxh2,51,Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom?,"['dinosaur', 'went', 'extinct', 'million', 'year', 'ago']","['ca', 'hear', 'pterodactyl', 'go', 'bathroom']","['dinosaur', 'went', 'extinct', 'million', 'year', 'ago', 'ca', 'hear', 'pterodactyl', 'go', 'bathroom']",11
"and a beautiful woman opens the door wearing lingere.

The woman pulls the mailman inside and begins kissing him and removing his clothes.

Confused but enjoying the situation the mailman lets the woman continue and have sex with him.  

Afterwards the mailman puts his clothes back on and the woman hands him a single dollar.  Confused he asks ""what's the dollar for?"".

The woman says ""well I asked my husband what we should get the mailman for christmas and he said 'screw him, give him a dollar'"".",2ibyii,51,A mailman knocks on the door to deliver a package on christmas eve,"['beautiful', 'woman', 'open', 'door', 'wearing', 'lingere', 'woman', 'pull', 'mailman', 'inside', 'begin', 'kissing', 'removing', 'clothes', 'confused', 'enjoying', 'situation', 'mailman', 'let', 'woman', 'continue', 'sex', 'afterwards', 'mailman', 'put', 'clothes', 'back', 'woman', 'hand', 'single', 'dollar', 'confused', 'asks', 'dollar', 'woman', 'say', 'well', 'asked', 'husband', 'get', 'mailman', 'christmas', 'said', 'give', 'dollar']","['mailman', 'knock', 'door', 'deliver', 'package', 'christmas', 'eve']","['beautiful', 'woman', 'open', 'door', 'wearing', 'lingere', 'woman', 'pull', 'mailman', 'inside', 'begin', 'kissing', 'removing', 'clothes', 'confused', 'enjoying', 'situation', 'mailman', 'let', 'woman', 'continue', 'sex', 'afterwards', 'mailman', 'put', 'clothes', 'back', 'woman', 'hand', 'single', 'dollar', 'confused', 'asks', 'dollar', 'woman', 'say', 'well', 'asked', 'husband', 'get', 'mailman', 'christmas', 'said', 'give', 'dollar', 'mailman', 'knock', 'door', 'deliver', 'package', 'christmas', 'eve']",52
"That's where you mount her from behind, then lean forward and whisper ""this is how your sister liked it."" and see if you can stay on for ten seconds! :) ",327d8u,51,Ever heard of rodeo sex? NSFW,"['mount', 'behind', 'lean', 'forward', 'whisper', 'sister', 'liked', 'see', 'stay', 'ten', 'second']","['ever', 'heard', 'rodeo', 'sex', 'nsfw']","['mount', 'behind', 'lean', 'forward', 'whisper', 'sister', 'liked', 'see', 'stay', 'ten', 'second', 'ever', 'heard', 'rodeo', 'sex', 'nsfw']",16
"A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. ""How wonderful!  But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."" ""Oh, how tragic!  What about your second husband?"" ""He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."" ""Oh, how terrible!  I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."" ""He died of a broken neck."" ""A broken neck?"" ""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms.""",4qyyzx,51,Marriage joke,"['woman', 'announces', 'friend', 'getting', 'married', 'fourth', 'time', 'wonderful', 'hope', 'mind', 'asking', 'happened', 'first', 'husband', 'ate', 'poisonous', 'mushroom', 'died', 'oh', 'tragic', 'second', 'husband', 'ate', 'poisonous', 'mushroom', 'died', 'oh', 'terrible', 'almost', 'afraid', 'ask', 'third', 'husband', 'died', 'broken', 'neck', 'broken', 'neck', 'would', 'eat', 'mushroom']","['marriage', 'joke']","['woman', 'announces', 'friend', 'getting', 'married', 'fourth', 'time', 'wonderful', 'hope', 'mind', 'asking', 'happened', 'first', 'husband', 'ate', 'poisonous', 'mushroom', 'died', 'oh', 'tragic', 'second', 'husband', 'ate', 'poisonous', 'mushroom', 'died', 'oh', 'terrible', 'almost', 'afraid', 'ask', 'third', 'husband', 'died', 'broken', 'neck', 'broken', 'neck', 'would', 'eat', 'mushroom', 'marriage', 'joke']",43
"A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.

""Why so little,"" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, ""Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff"". 

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have thebird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. 

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, ""New house, newmadam"" .

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then foundit kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, ""New house, new madam, new girls"". 

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.The bird looked at him and said, ""Hi, Keith!""",4oh162,51,The Brothel Parrot,"['woman', 'went', 'pet', 'shop', 'immediately', 'spotted', 'large', 'beautiful', 'parrot', 'sign', 'cage', 'said', 'seemed', 'awfully', 'cheap', 'little', 'asked', 'pet', 'store', 'owner', 'owner', 'looked', 'seriously', 'said', 'look', 'tell', 'first', 'bird', 'used', 'live', 'house', 'prostitution', 'sometimes', 'say', 'pretty', 'vulgar', 'stuff', 'woman', 'thought', 'decided', 'thebird', 'anyway', 'took', 'home', 'hung', 'bird', 'cage', 'living', 'room', 'waited', 'say', 'something', 'bird', 'looked', 'around', 'room', 'said', 'new', 'house', 'newmadam', 'woman', 'bit', 'shocked', 'implication', 'foundit', 'kind', 'amusing', 'teenage', 'daughter', 'returned', 'school', 'bird', 'saw', 'enter', 'said', 'new', 'house', 'new', 'madam', 'new', 'girl', 'girl', 'woman', 'bit', 'offended', 'began', 'laugh', 'situation', 'considering', 'parrot', 'raised', 'moment', 'later', 'woman', 'husband', 'came', 'home', 'bird', 'looked', 'said', 'hi', 'keith']","['brothel', 'parrot']","['woman', 'went', 'pet', 'shop', 'immediately', 'spotted', 'large', 'beautiful', 'parrot', 'sign', 'cage', 'said', 'seemed', 'awfully', 'cheap', 'little', 'asked', 'pet', 'store', 'owner', 'owner', 'looked', 'seriously', 'said', 'look', 'tell', 'first', 'bird', 'used', 'live', 'house', 'prostitution', 'sometimes', 'say', 'pretty', 'vulgar', 'stuff', 'woman', 'thought', 'decided', 'thebird', 'anyway', 'took', 'home', 'hung', 'bird', 'cage', 'living', 'room', 'waited', 'say', 'something', 'bird', 'looked', 'around', 'room', 'said', 'new', 'house', 'newmadam', 'woman', 'bit', 'shocked', 'implication', 'foundit', 'kind', 'amusing', 'teenage', 'daughter', 'returned', 'school', 'bird', 'saw', 'enter', 'said', 'new', 'house', 'new', 'madam', 'new', 'girl', 'girl', 'woman', 'bit', 'offended', 'began', 'laugh', 'situation', 'considering', 'parrot', 'raised', 'moment', 'later', 'woman', 'husband', 'came', 'home', 'bird', 'looked', 'said', 'hi', 'keith', 'brothel', 'parrot']",104
It was tense.,3w1td4,51,"The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.",['tense'],"['past', 'present', 'future', 'walked', 'bar']","['tense', 'past', 'present', 'future', 'walked', 'bar']",6
He came out of the cupboard,1j4le1,51,Have you heard about the gay midget?,"['came', 'cupboard']","['heard', 'gay', 'midget']","['came', 'cupboard', 'heard', 'gay', 'midget']",5
It’s either Sunni or Shiite.,3clg72,51,What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common?,"['either', 'sunni', 'shiite']","['weather', 'england', 'muslim', 'common']","['either', 'sunni', 'shiite', 'weather', 'england', 'muslim', 'common']",7
"A rich guy and a poor guy are having a pint down at the pub. They discover their wives have the same birthday. The poor guy asks ""What will you give your wife for her birthday?"". The rich guy responds "" a Porsche and a diamond ring"". His friend asks, ""but why?"" The rich guy: ""Simple. If she doesn't like the ring, she can just drive down to the jewellers in the Porsche and exchange it"". 

So the rich guy says, ""How about you?"". The poor guy: ""I'm going to get her a pair of slippers and a dildo"". The rich guy scratches his head and asks ""why?"". The poor guy responds ""Well, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!""",1lc4g2,51,The rich guy and the poor guy.,"['rich', 'guy', 'poor', 'guy', 'pint', 'pub', 'discover', 'wife', 'birthday', 'poor', 'guy', 'asks', 'give', 'wife', 'birthday', 'rich', 'guy', 'responds', 'porsche', 'diamond', 'ring', 'friend', 'asks', 'rich', 'guy', 'simple', 'like', 'ring', 'drive', 'jeweller', 'porsche', 'exchange', 'rich', 'guy', 'say', 'poor', 'guy', 'going', 'get', 'pair', 'slipper', 'dildo', 'rich', 'guy', 'scratch', 'head', 'asks', 'poor', 'guy', 'responds', 'well', 'like', 'slipper', 'go', 'fuck']","['rich', 'guy', 'poor', 'guy']","['rich', 'guy', 'poor', 'guy', 'pint', 'pub', 'discover', 'wife', 'birthday', 'poor', 'guy', 'asks', 'give', 'wife', 'birthday', 'rich', 'guy', 'responds', 'porsche', 'diamond', 'ring', 'friend', 'asks', 'rich', 'guy', 'simple', 'like', 'ring', 'drive', 'jeweller', 'porsche', 'exchange', 'rich', 'guy', 'say', 'poor', 'guy', 'going', 'get', 'pair', 'slipper', 'dildo', 'rich', 'guy', 'scratch', 'head', 'asks', 'poor', 'guy', 'responds', 'well', 'like', 'slipper', 'go', 'fuck', 'rich', 'guy', 'poor', 'guy']",59
Womb raider,4ivfv4,51,What would a video game about an abortion nurse be called?,"['womb', 'raider']","['would', 'video', 'game', 'abortion', 'nurse', 'called']","['womb', 'raider', 'would', 'video', 'game', 'abortion', 'nurse', 'called']",8
None,4w577u,51,How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?,['none'],"['many', 'potato', 'take', 'kill', 'irishman']","['none', 'many', 'potato', 'take', 'kill', 'irishman']",6
"Three nuns went to a baseball game. Over the course of the baseball game, the nuns became increasingly rowdy. So, three men behind them began to have a loud discussion.

""I think i'll move to Idaho, I hear that there are only 20 nuns there,"" said the first man.

""20 nuns? I'm going to move to South Dakota. I hear that there are only 10 nuns there,"" said the second man.

Just before the third man could speak, one of the nuns turned around and said, ""You should go to hell, I hear that there are no nuns there.""",2o9w15,51,Three nuns went to a baseball game,"['three', 'nun', 'went', 'baseball', 'game', 'course', 'baseball', 'game', 'nun', 'became', 'increasingly', 'rowdy', 'three', 'men', 'behind', 'began', 'loud', 'discussion', 'think', 'move', 'idaho', 'hear', 'nun', 'said', 'first', 'man', 'nun', 'going', 'move', 'south', 'dakota', 'hear', 'nun', 'said', 'second', 'man', 'third', 'man', 'could', 'speak', 'one', 'nun', 'turned', 'around', 'said', 'go', 'hell', 'hear', 'nun']","['three', 'nun', 'went', 'baseball', 'game']","['three', 'nun', 'went', 'baseball', 'game', 'course', 'baseball', 'game', 'nun', 'became', 'increasingly', 'rowdy', 'three', 'men', 'behind', 'began', 'loud', 'discussion', 'think', 'move', 'idaho', 'hear', 'nun', 'said', 'first', 'man', 'nun', 'going', 'move', 'south', 'dakota', 'hear', 'nun', 'said', 'second', 'man', 'third', 'man', 'could', 'speak', 'one', 'nun', 'turned', 'around', 'said', 'go', 'hell', 'hear', 'nun', 'three', 'nun', 'went', 'baseball', 'game']",54
Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?,4ok000,51,Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs,"['gator', 'make', 'ticking', 'sound', 'approach']","['disney', 'post', 'warning', 'sign']","['gator', 'make', 'ticking', 'sound', 'approach', 'disney', 'post', 'warning', 'sign']",9
"The driver responds, ""He, he. No officer, it's 'Hi, How are you?'""",2wt1ee,51,"A cop pulls over a car. He walks up, and smells a heavy weed smell. The man turns to him, and his eye are redder than a Coca-Cola can. The cop looks at him and says, ""How high are you?!?!?!?""","['driver', 'responds', 'officer']","['cop', 'pull', 'car', 'walk', 'smell', 'heavy', 'weed', 'smell', 'man', 'turn', 'eye', 'redder', 'cop', 'look', 'say', 'high']","['driver', 'responds', 'officer', 'cop', 'pull', 'car', 'walk', 'smell', 'heavy', 'weed', 'smell', 'man', 'turn', 'eye', 'redder', 'cop', 'look', 'say', 'high']",19
" He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk",4wcv5p,51,A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.,"['go', 'monastery', 'knock', 'door', 'say', 'car', 'broke', 'think', 'could', 'stay', 'night', 'monk', 'graciously', 'accept', 'feed', 'dinner', 'even', 'fix', 'car', 'man', 'try', 'fall', 'asleep', 'hears', 'strange', 'sound', 'next', 'morning', 'asks', 'monk', 'sound', 'say', 'tell', 'man', 'disappointed', 'thanks', 'anyway', 'go', 'merry', 'way', 'year', 'later', 'man', 'break', 'front', 'monastery', 'monk', 'accept', 'feed', 'even', 'fix', 'car', 'night', 'hears', 'strange', 'noise', 'heard', 'year', 'earlier', 'next', 'morning', 'asks', 'monk', 'reply', 'tell', 'man', 'say', 'right', 'right', 'dying', 'know', 'way', 'find', 'sound', 'become', 'monk', 'become', 'monk', 'monk', 'reply', 'must', 'travel', 'earth', 'tell', 'u', 'many', 'blade', 'grass', 'exact', 'number', 'sand', 'pebble', 'find', 'number', 'become', 'man', 'set', 'task', 'year', 'later', 'return', 'knock', 'door', 'monastery', 'say', 'traveled', 'earth', 'found', 'asked', 'blade', 'grass', 'sand', 'pebble', 'monk', 'reply', 'congratulation', 'monk', 'shall', 'show', 'way', 'monk', 'lead', 'man', 'wooden', 'door', 'head', 'monk', 'say', 'sound', 'right', 'behind', 'man', 'reach', 'knob', 'door', 'locked', 'say', 'real', 'funny', 'may', 'key', 'monk', 'give', 'key', 'open', 'door', 'behind', 'wooden', 'door', 'another', 'door', 'made', 'stone', 'man', 'demand', 'key', 'stone', 'door', 'monk', 'give', 'key', 'open', 'find', 'door', 'made', 'ruby', 'demand', 'another', 'key', 'monk', 'provide', 'behind', 'door', 'another', 'door', 'one', 'made', 'sapphire', 'went', 'man', 'gone', 'door', 'emerald', 'silver', 'topaz', 'amethyst', 'finally', 'monk', 'say', 'last', 'key', 'last', 'man', 'relieved', 'end', 'unlocks', 'door', 'turn', 'knob', 'behind', 'door', 'amazed', 'find', 'source', 'strange', 'sound', 'tell', 'monk']","['man', 'driving', 'road', 'break', 'near', 'monastery']","['go', 'monastery', 'knock', 'door', 'say', 'car', 'broke', 'think', 'could', 'stay', 'night', 'monk', 'graciously', 'accept', 'feed', 'dinner', 'even', 'fix', 'car', 'man', 'try', 'fall', 'asleep', 'hears', 'strange', 'sound', 'next', 'morning', 'asks', 'monk', 'sound', 'say', 'tell', 'man', 'disappointed', 'thanks', 'anyway', 'go', 'merry', 'way', 'year', 'later', 'man', 'break', 'front', 'monastery', 'monk', 'accept', 'feed', 'even', 'fix', 'car', 'night', 'hears', 'strange', 'noise', 'heard', 'year', 'earlier', 'next', 'morning', 'asks', 'monk', 'reply', 'tell', 'man', 'say', 'right', 'right', 'dying', 'know', 'way', 'find', 'sound', 'become', 'monk', 'become', 'monk', 'monk', 'reply', 'must', 'travel', 'earth', 'tell', 'u', 'many', 'blade', 'grass', 'exact', 'number', 'sand', 'pebble', 'find', 'number', 'become', 'man', 'set', 'task', 'year', 'later', 'return', 'knock', 'door', 'monastery', 'say', 'traveled', 'earth', 'found', 'asked', 'blade', 'grass', 'sand', 'pebble', 'monk', 'reply', 'congratulation', 'monk', 'shall', 'show', 'way', 'monk', 'lead', 'man', 'wooden', 'door', 'head', 'monk', 'say', 'sound', 'right', 'behind', 'man', 'reach', 'knob', 'door', 'locked', 'say', 'real', 'funny', 'may', 'key', 'monk', 'give', 'key', 'open', 'door', 'behind', 'wooden', 'door', 'another', 'door', 'made', 'stone', 'man', 'demand', 'key', 'stone', 'door', 'monk', 'give', 'key', 'open', 'find', 'door', 'made', 'ruby', 'demand', 'another', 'key', 'monk', 'provide', 'behind', 'door', 'another', 'door', 'one', 'made', 'sapphire', 'went', 'man', 'gone', 'door', 'emerald', 'silver', 'topaz', 'amethyst', 'finally', 'monk', 'say', 'last', 'key', 'last', 'man', 'relieved', 'end', 'unlocks', 'door', 'turn', 'knob', 'behind', 'door', 'amazed', 'find', 'source', 'strange', 'sound', 'tell', 'monk', 'man', 'driving', 'road', 'break', 'near', 'monastery']",214
I can't wait till they see it ,2v76nj,51,I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish,"['ca', 'wait', 'till', 'see']","['made', 'scathing', 'video', 'mocking', 'amish']","['ca', 'wait', 'till', 'see', 'made', 'scathing', 'video', 'mocking', 'amish']",9
"A rich man, and a poor man share the same wedding anniversary. Every year they meet up to compare gifts. One particular year they meet up on a park bench, and the rich man starts by saying: ""I got my wife a diamond ring, and a new Mercedes. That way if the ring isn't right she can drive back to the jeweler, and still be happy in her new car."" The poor man looks at him, and says: ""I got my wife a pair of slippers, and a dildo. That way if she don't like the slippers she can go fuck herself.""",258gzt,51,A Rich Man and a Poor Man(Seen on The Sopranos),"['rich', 'man', 'poor', 'man', 'share', 'wedding', 'anniversary', 'every', 'year', 'meet', 'compare', 'gift', 'one', 'particular', 'year', 'meet', 'park', 'bench', 'rich', 'man', 'start', 'saying', 'got', 'wife', 'diamond', 'ring', 'new', 'mercedes', 'way', 'ring', 'right', 'drive', 'back', 'jeweler', 'still', 'happy', 'new', 'car', 'poor', 'man', 'look', 'say', 'got', 'wife', 'pair', 'slipper', 'dildo', 'way', 'like', 'slipper', 'go', 'fuck']","['rich', 'man', 'poor', 'man', 'seen', 'soprano']","['rich', 'man', 'poor', 'man', 'share', 'wedding', 'anniversary', 'every', 'year', 'meet', 'compare', 'gift', 'one', 'particular', 'year', 'meet', 'park', 'bench', 'rich', 'man', 'start', 'saying', 'got', 'wife', 'diamond', 'ring', 'new', 'mercedes', 'way', 'ring', 'right', 'drive', 'back', 'jeweler', 'still', 'happy', 'new', 'car', 'poor', 'man', 'look', 'say', 'got', 'wife', 'pair', 'slipper', 'dildo', 'way', 'like', 'slipper', 'go', 'fuck', 'rich', 'man', 'poor', 'man', 'seen', 'soprano']",58
"and he is walking up the driveway when a robber bursts out of the house with a bag of jewelry.  The man is surprised at first, but then he chases and tackles the robber

""Please don't hurt me man!  Let me go, I have a family to feed!""

The man pauses, and then says,""Alright, I will let you go with the jewelry if you tell me one thing.""

""Great!  What do you want me to tell you?""

""How the hell did you get in the house without waking my wife up!?""

Edit:  Fixed a plot hole; thanks duklapragueawaykit",26mvhv,51,A drunk man is walking home from the bar...,"['walking', 'driveway', 'robber', 'burst', 'house', 'bag', 'jewelry', 'man', 'surprised', 'first', 'chase', 'tackle', 'robber', 'please', 'hurt', 'man', 'let', 'go', 'family', 'feed', 'man', 'pause', 'say', 'alright', 'let', 'go', 'jewelry', 'tell', 'one', 'thing', 'great', 'want', 'tell', 'hell', 'get', 'house', 'without', 'waking', 'wife', 'edit', 'fixed', 'plot', 'hole', 'thanks', 'duklapragueawaykit']","['drunk', 'man', 'walking', 'home', 'bar']","['walking', 'driveway', 'robber', 'burst', 'house', 'bag', 'jewelry', 'man', 'surprised', 'first', 'chase', 'tackle', 'robber', 'please', 'hurt', 'man', 'let', 'go', 'family', 'feed', 'man', 'pause', 'say', 'alright', 'let', 'go', 'jewelry', 'tell', 'one', 'thing', 'great', 'want', 'tell', 'hell', 'get', 'house', 'without', 'waking', 'wife', 'edit', 'fixed', 'plot', 'hole', 'thanks', 'duklapragueawaykit', 'drunk', 'man', 'walking', 'home', 'bar']",50
I usually end up stabbing the chair.,4vvon8,51,I always get nervous before injections so I shut my eyes.,"['usually', 'end', 'stabbing', 'chair']","['always', 'get', 'nervous', 'injection', 'shut', 'eye']","['usually', 'end', 'stabbing', 'chair', 'always', 'get', 'nervous', 'injection', 'shut', 'eye']",10
Wataaaaah!,445pse,51,What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?,['wataaaaah'],"['bruce', 'lee', 'favorite', 'drink']","['wataaaaah', 'bruce', 'lee', 'favorite', 'drink']",5
"Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism:  You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows",3bl9q4,51,"If you have two cows,","['socialism', 'government', 'take', 'one', 'give', 'neighbor', 'communism', 'give', 'government', 'government', 'give', 'milk', 'fascism', 'keep', 'cow', 'give', 'milk', 'government', 'government', 'sell', 'milk', 'new', 'dealism', 'shoot', 'one', 'milk', 'pour', 'milk', 'drain', 'nazism', 'government', 'shoot', 'keep', 'cow', 'capitalism', 'sell', 'one', 'buy', 'bull', 'put', 'wife', 'name', 'declare', 'bankruptcy', 'environmentalism', 'two', 'cow', 'government', 'ban', 'milking', 'killing', 'totalitarianism', 'two', 'cow', 'government', 'take', 'denies', 'ever', 'existed', 'milk', 'banned', 'binaryism', 'cow']","['two', 'cow']","['socialism', 'government', 'take', 'one', 'give', 'neighbor', 'communism', 'give', 'government', 'government', 'give', 'milk', 'fascism', 'keep', 'cow', 'give', 'milk', 'government', 'government', 'sell', 'milk', 'new', 'dealism', 'shoot', 'one', 'milk', 'pour', 'milk', 'drain', 'nazism', 'government', 'shoot', 'keep', 'cow', 'capitalism', 'sell', 'one', 'buy', 'bull', 'put', 'wife', 'name', 'declare', 'bankruptcy', 'environmentalism', 'two', 'cow', 'government', 'ban', 'milking', 'killing', 'totalitarianism', 'two', 'cow', 'government', 'take', 'denies', 'ever', 'existed', 'milk', 'banned', 'binaryism', 'cow', 'two', 'cow']",65
"The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, ""My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles!""

The pirate responds, ""ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"" ",1bzy46,51,A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office,"['pirate', 'walk', 'tell', 'doc', 'issue', 'drop', 'pant', 'doc', 'say', 'god', 'problem', 'steering', 'wheel', 'attached', 'testicle', 'pirate', 'responds', 'arrr', 'drivin', 'nut']","['pirate', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office']","['pirate', 'walk', 'tell', 'doc', 'issue', 'drop', 'pant', 'doc', 'say', 'god', 'problem', 'steering', 'wheel', 'attached', 'testicle', 'pirate', 'responds', 'arrr', 'drivin', 'nut', 'pirate', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office']",24
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish,4k5xru,51,What do you call a fish with 27 eyes?,['fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish'],"['call', 'fish', 'eye']","['fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish', 'call', 'fish', 'eye']",4
the refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out.,28mf1k,51,whats the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator,"['refrigerator', 'fart', 'take', 'meat']","['whats', 'difference', 'gay', 'guy', 'refrigerator']","['refrigerator', 'fart', 'take', 'meat', 'whats', 'difference', 'gay', 'guy', 'refrigerator']",9
"He raised his glass and proclaimed, in toast, ""here's to spending the rest of me life, layin' in bed next to me wife.""

The toast was met with raucous cheers and applause. Patrick was given the toast of the night award, given out on every Tuesday at the pub.

When he brought the trophy home to his wife Patty she asked him what he said to get the prestigious award. Treading carefully, he replied ""Here's to spending the rest of me life, sittin' in church next to me wife.""

The next day Patty was shopping in the market when she ran into Patrick's best friend, also named Patrick. ""What a great toast Patrick had last night"" Patrick said excitedly. 

Patty agreed, albeit a little confused, ""yeah but I don't know where it came from, we only do that twice a year and when we do I have to pull Patrick's ear to get him to come.""",2a5y41,51,Patrick was drinking heavily on a Tuesday night at his local pub.,"['raised', 'glass', 'proclaimed', 'toast', 'spending', 'rest', 'life', 'layin', 'bed', 'next', 'wife', 'toast', 'met', 'raucous', 'cheer', 'applause', 'patrick', 'given', 'toast', 'night', 'award', 'given', 'every', 'tuesday', 'pub', 'brought', 'trophy', 'home', 'wife', 'patty', 'asked', 'said', 'get', 'prestigious', 'award', 'treading', 'carefully', 'replied', 'spending', 'rest', 'life', 'sittin', 'church', 'next', 'wife', 'next', 'day', 'patty', 'shopping', 'market', 'ran', 'patrick', 'best', 'friend', 'also', 'named', 'patrick', 'great', 'toast', 'patrick', 'last', 'night', 'patrick', 'said', 'excitedly', 'patty', 'agreed', 'albeit', 'little', 'confused', 'yeah', 'know', 'came', 'twice', 'year', 'pull', 'patrick', 'ear', 'get', 'come']","['patrick', 'drinking', 'heavily', 'tuesday', 'night', 'local', 'pub']","['raised', 'glass', 'proclaimed', 'toast', 'spending', 'rest', 'life', 'layin', 'bed', 'next', 'wife', 'toast', 'met', 'raucous', 'cheer', 'applause', 'patrick', 'given', 'toast', 'night', 'award', 'given', 'every', 'tuesday', 'pub', 'brought', 'trophy', 'home', 'wife', 'patty', 'asked', 'said', 'get', 'prestigious', 'award', 'treading', 'carefully', 'replied', 'spending', 'rest', 'life', 'sittin', 'church', 'next', 'wife', 'next', 'day', 'patty', 'shopping', 'market', 'ran', 'patrick', 'best', 'friend', 'also', 'named', 'patrick', 'great', 'toast', 'patrick', 'last', 'night', 'patrick', 'said', 'excitedly', 'patty', 'agreed', 'albeit', 'little', 'confused', 'yeah', 'know', 'came', 'twice', 'year', 'pull', 'patrick', 'ear', 'get', 'come', 'patrick', 'drinking', 'heavily', 'tuesday', 'night', 'local', 'pub']",87
"It only takes two mice to screw in a light bulb.

The hard part is getting them in there.",365jwo,51,How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?,"['take', 'two', 'mouse', 'screw', 'light', 'bulb', 'hard', 'part', 'getting']","['many', 'mouse', 'take', 'screw', 'light', 'bulb']","['take', 'two', 'mouse', 'screw', 'light', 'bulb', 'hard', 'part', 'getting', 'many', 'mouse', 'take', 'screw', 'light', 'bulb']",15
"Well, he had a hand in it",42t08z,51,One of my ancestors invented the glove,"['well', 'hand']","['one', 'ancestor', 'invented', 'glove']","['well', 'hand', 'one', 'ancestor', 'invented', 'glove']",6
"They get hit by a bus, die and go to heaven.
They reach the pearly gates and St. Peter is there waiting for them.
As they line up, St. Peter says ""Right ladies, in order for you to get into heaven you must answer a question each."" The Nuns nod and agree.

St. Peter turns to the first Nun and asks ""Who was the first man on earth?"" the first nun replies ""That's easy, Adam!"" 
""Correct, collect your wings and halo and come on in""

St. Peter turns to the second nun and asks ""Who was the first woman on earth?""
""Easy!"" replies the nun ""Eve.""
""Correct collect your wings and halo and in you go""

St.Peter then turns to the last nun and says ""Now this question is a little more difficult, since you are mother superior""

The nun says ""Fire away I'm ready""

""OK, what did Eve say to Adam on the first night they met?""

The nun looking puzzled, says ""Hmmmmm now that's a hard one.""

St. Peter replies ""Correct! collect your wings and halo and in you go!""
",2wezv9,51,Three Nuns cross the road...,"['get', 'hit', 'bus', 'die', 'go', 'heaven', 'reach', 'pearly', 'gate', 'peter', 'waiting', 'line', 'peter', 'say', 'right', 'lady', 'order', 'get', 'heaven', 'must', 'answer', 'question', 'nun', 'nod', 'agree', 'peter', 'turn', 'first', 'nun', 'asks', 'first', 'man', 'earth', 'first', 'nun', 'reply', 'easy', 'adam', 'correct', 'collect', 'wing', 'halo', 'come', 'peter', 'turn', 'second', 'nun', 'asks', 'first', 'woman', 'earth', 'easy', 'reply', 'nun', 'eve', 'correct', 'collect', 'wing', 'halo', 'go', 'turn', 'last', 'nun', 'say', 'question', 'little', 'difficult', 'since', 'mother', 'superior', 'nun', 'say', 'fire', 'away', 'ready', 'ok', 'eve', 'say', 'adam', 'first', 'night', 'met', 'nun', 'looking', 'puzzled', 'say', 'hmmmmm', 'hard', 'one', 'peter', 'reply', 'correct', 'collect', 'wing', 'halo', 'go']","['three', 'nun', 'cross', 'road']","['get', 'hit', 'bus', 'die', 'go', 'heaven', 'reach', 'pearly', 'gate', 'peter', 'waiting', 'line', 'peter', 'say', 'right', 'lady', 'order', 'get', 'heaven', 'must', 'answer', 'question', 'nun', 'nod', 'agree', 'peter', 'turn', 'first', 'nun', 'asks', 'first', 'man', 'earth', 'first', 'nun', 'reply', 'easy', 'adam', 'correct', 'collect', 'wing', 'halo', 'come', 'peter', 'turn', 'second', 'nun', 'asks', 'first', 'woman', 'earth', 'easy', 'reply', 'nun', 'eve', 'correct', 'collect', 'wing', 'halo', 'go', 'turn', 'last', 'nun', 'say', 'question', 'little', 'difficult', 'since', 'mother', 'superior', 'nun', 'say', 'fire', 'away', 'ready', 'ok', 'eve', 'say', 'adam', 'first', 'night', 'met', 'nun', 'looking', 'puzzled', 'say', 'hmmmmm', 'hard', 'one', 'peter', 'reply', 'correct', 'collect', 'wing', 'halo', 'go', 'three', 'nun', 'cross', 'road']",100
"... but the animals have agreed in the sake of understandable issues not to crap all over the place where they live. And let me tell you they also appointed the local police-bear to watch out for any rule-breakers. 

Still, the rabbit is feeling a very hard urge to let go a few of his brown droplets in a secluded area. He knew that the fox did it and the bear didn't catch him so he had it going for him. Alas, the police-bear happened to be in the vicinity of the crime. He didn't see it happening but let me tell you he had a nose for these kind of things, he even caught a pair of birds shitting off of a tree branch.

Now, the police-bear approaches the rabbit *""Did you shit in the woods, rabbit?""*

The rabbit quickly covers his misdoing with his hat. *""No, sir, but as others might say, does the bear shit in the wood""*

Rather angrily and not amused the police-bear answers *""Don't play smartass with me, I saw you covering your shit with your hat""*

*""But sir I mean it, I have not shat here. You see I was catching a butterfly, that's what I covered with my hat""*

*""Then lift your hat""*

*""No can do, it will fly away""*

The police-bear thinks, this rabbit won't outfox him like the fox did earlier. He readies his pistol and shoots a couple of rounds at the hat. ""Now it won't fly away, lift your hat""

*""Aye, sir""* and the rabbit slowly raises the hat, and as the police bear sees the shit beneath, the rabbit exclaims in a high pitched voice:

*""**Fuck, bear, you shot the living crap out of it!**""*",51kkzj,51,A rabbit needs to shit in the woods...,"['animal', 'agreed', 'sake', 'understandable', 'issue', 'crap', 'place', 'live', 'let', 'tell', 'also', 'appointed', 'local', 'watch', 'still', 'rabbit', 'feeling', 'hard', 'urge', 'let', 'go', 'brown', 'droplet', 'secluded', 'area', 'knew', 'fox', 'bear', 'catch', 'going', 'ala', 'happened', 'vicinity', 'crime', 'see', 'happening', 'let', 'tell', 'nose', 'kind', 'thing', 'even', 'caught', 'pair', 'bird', 'shitting', 'tree', 'branch', 'approach', 'rabbit', 'shit', 'wood', 'rabbit', 'rabbit', 'quickly', 'cover', 'misdoing', 'hat', 'sir', 'others', 'might', 'say', 'bear', 'shit', 'wood', 'rather', 'angrily', 'amused', 'answer', 'play', 'smarta', 'saw', 'covering', 'shit', 'hat', 'sir', 'mean', 'shat', 'see', 'catching', 'butterfly', 'covered', 'hat', 'lift', 'hat', 'fly', 'away', 'think', 'rabbit', 'wo', 'outfox', 'like', 'fox', 'earlier', 'ready', 'pistol', 'shoot', 'couple', 'round', 'hat', 'wo', 'fly', 'away', 'lift', 'hat', 'aye', 'sir', 'rabbit', 'slowly', 'raise', 'hat', 'police', 'bear', 'see', 'shit', 'beneath', 'rabbit', 'exclaims', 'high', 'pitched', 'voice', 'fuck', 'bear', 'shot', 'living', 'crap']","['rabbit', 'need', 'shit', 'wood']","['animal', 'agreed', 'sake', 'understandable', 'issue', 'crap', 'place', 'live', 'let', 'tell', 'also', 'appointed', 'local', 'watch', 'still', 'rabbit', 'feeling', 'hard', 'urge', 'let', 'go', 'brown', 'droplet', 'secluded', 'area', 'knew', 'fox', 'bear', 'catch', 'going', 'ala', 'happened', 'vicinity', 'crime', 'see', 'happening', 'let', 'tell', 'nose', 'kind', 'thing', 'even', 'caught', 'pair', 'bird', 'shitting', 'tree', 'branch', 'approach', 'rabbit', 'shit', 'wood', 'rabbit', 'rabbit', 'quickly', 'cover', 'misdoing', 'hat', 'sir', 'others', 'might', 'say', 'bear', 'shit', 'wood', 'rather', 'angrily', 'amused', 'answer', 'play', 'smarta', 'saw', 'covering', 'shit', 'hat', 'sir', 'mean', 'shat', 'see', 'catching', 'butterfly', 'covered', 'hat', 'lift', 'hat', 'fly', 'away', 'think', 'rabbit', 'wo', 'outfox', 'like', 'fox', 'earlier', 'ready', 'pistol', 'shoot', 'couple', 'round', 'hat', 'wo', 'fly', 'away', 'lift', 'hat', 'aye', 'sir', 'rabbit', 'slowly', 'raise', 'hat', 'police', 'bear', 'see', 'shit', 'beneath', 'rabbit', 'exclaims', 'high', 'pitched', 'voice', 'fuck', 'bear', 'shot', 'living', 'crap', 'rabbit', 'need', 'shit', 'wood']",130
Go straight for the juggler.,39y9xz,51,What's the first thing you do when attacked by a gang of clowns?,"['go', 'straight', 'juggler']","['first', 'thing', 'attacked', 'gang', 'clown']","['go', 'straight', 'juggler', 'first', 'thing', 'attacked', 'gang', 'clown']",8
"He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves. 

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor birthday cake and received numerous tractor themed gifts)  Terry's life turned on it's head. An old farmer, a tractor driver and hero of Terry's stopped him in the street and said ""Isn't it about time you grew up a bit lad and stopped wasting your life obsessing over tractors?"" Terry had developed a thick skin over the years when it came to ignoring the haters but he knew that this man was no hater, he was a tractor lover and had Terry's best interests at heart. 

After a couple of days of deep thought and soul searching Terry made his decision. The posters were ripped down, the bed spread put on ebay, the toys sent to a local charity shop. It was done. He was now a man.

Somewhat perplexed by his sudden lack of tractor entertainment options Terry decided to visit a pub for the first time. He wandered in, ordered a pint and took up residence in the corner of the pub.

Shortly after arriving Terry noticed a bit of commotion over by the bar *note this was in the days before the smoking ban*. A towel left too close to the ashtray had caught fire on a cigarette ember. Smoke rapidly began to fill the room and despite the bar staff successfully extinguishing the fire and wafting vigorously they were soon left with no option but to order everyone out of the bar.

Just as people began to leave Terry stood up. ""wait"" he shouted, everyone watched as he ran over to where the smoke was the thickest and took in a huge breath inhaling all the smoke! He then ran to the window, opened it and blew all the smoke outside before returning to his original seat.

""Incredible"", ""unbelievable"", ""how on earth did you do that!?"" came the cries.

""Well"" explained Terry ""you see I'm an ex-tractor-fan""",37azqv,51,Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?,"['ultimate', 'tractor', 'enthusiast', 'bedroom', 'plastered', 'tractor', 'poster', 'bed', 'adorned', 'tractor', 'bed', 'spread', 'tractor', 'toy', 'littered', 'floor', 'tractor', 'maintenance', 'dvd', 'dominated', 'shelf', 'shortly', 'terry', 'birthday', 'course', 'tractor', 'birthday', 'cake', 'received', 'numerous', 'tractor', 'themed', 'gift', 'terry', 'life', 'turned', 'head', 'old', 'farmer', 'tractor', 'driver', 'hero', 'terry', 'stopped', 'street', 'said', 'time', 'grew', 'bit', 'lad', 'stopped', 'wasting', 'life', 'obsessing', 'tractor', 'terry', 'developed', 'thick', 'skin', 'year', 'came', 'ignoring', 'hater', 'knew', 'man', 'hater', 'tractor', 'lover', 'terry', 'best', 'interest', 'heart', 'couple', 'day', 'deep', 'thought', 'soul', 'searching', 'terry', 'made', 'decision', 'poster', 'ripped', 'bed', 'spread', 'put', 'ebay', 'toy', 'sent', 'local', 'charity', 'shop', 'done', 'man', 'somewhat', 'perplexed', 'sudden', 'lack', 'tractor', 'entertainment', 'option', 'terry', 'decided', 'visit', 'pub', 'first', 'time', 'wandered', 'ordered', 'pint', 'took', 'residence', 'corner', 'pub', 'shortly', 'arriving', 'terry', 'noticed', 'bit', 'commotion', 'bar', 'note', 'day', 'smoking', 'ban', 'towel', 'left', 'close', 'ashtray', 'caught', 'fire', 'cigarette', 'ember', 'smoke', 'rapidly', 'began', 'fill', 'room', 'despite', 'bar', 'staff', 'successfully', 'extinguishing', 'fire', 'wafting', 'vigorously', 'soon', 'left', 'option', 'order', 'everyone', 'bar', 'people', 'began', 'leave', 'terry', 'stood', 'wait', 'shouted', 'everyone', 'watched', 'ran', 'smoke', 'thickest', 'took', 'huge', 'breath', 'inhaling', 'smoke', 'ran', 'window', 'opened', 'blew', 'smoke', 'outside', 'returning', 'original', 'seat', 'incredible', 'unbelievable', 'earth', 'came', 'cry', 'well', 'explained', 'terry', 'see']","['heard', 'terry', 'tractor', 'lover']","['ultimate', 'tractor', 'enthusiast', 'bedroom', 'plastered', 'tractor', 'poster', 'bed', 'adorned', 'tractor', 'bed', 'spread', 'tractor', 'toy', 'littered', 'floor', 'tractor', 'maintenance', 'dvd', 'dominated', 'shelf', 'shortly', 'terry', 'birthday', 'course', 'tractor', 'birthday', 'cake', 'received', 'numerous', 'tractor', 'themed', 'gift', 'terry', 'life', 'turned', 'head', 'old', 'farmer', 'tractor', 'driver', 'hero', 'terry', 'stopped', 'street', 'said', 'time', 'grew', 'bit', 'lad', 'stopped', 'wasting', 'life', 'obsessing', 'tractor', 'terry', 'developed', 'thick', 'skin', 'year', 'came', 'ignoring', 'hater', 'knew', 'man', 'hater', 'tractor', 'lover', 'terry', 'best', 'interest', 'heart', 'couple', 'day', 'deep', 'thought', 'soul', 'searching', 'terry', 'made', 'decision', 'poster', 'ripped', 'bed', 'spread', 'put', 'ebay', 'toy', 'sent', 'local', 'charity', 'shop', 'done', 'man', 'somewhat', 'perplexed', 'sudden', 'lack', 'tractor', 'entertainment', 'option', 'terry', 'decided', 'visit', 'pub', 'first', 'time', 'wandered', 'ordered', 'pint', 'took', 'residence', 'corner', 'pub', 'shortly', 'arriving', 'terry', 'noticed', 'bit', 'commotion', 'bar', 'note', 'day', 'smoking', 'ban', 'towel', 'left', 'close', 'ashtray', 'caught', 'fire', 'cigarette', 'ember', 'smoke', 'rapidly', 'began', 'fill', 'room', 'despite', 'bar', 'staff', 'successfully', 'extinguishing', 'fire', 'wafting', 'vigorously', 'soon', 'left', 'option', 'order', 'everyone', 'bar', 'people', 'began', 'leave', 'terry', 'stood', 'wait', 'shouted', 'everyone', 'watched', 'ran', 'smoke', 'thickest', 'took', 'huge', 'breath', 'inhaling', 'smoke', 'ran', 'window', 'opened', 'blew', 'smoke', 'outside', 'returning', 'original', 'seat', 'incredible', 'unbelievable', 'earth', 'came', 'cry', 'well', 'explained', 'terry', 'see', 'heard', 'terry', 'tractor', 'lover']",191
"A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually.",3buvjc,51,It sucks to be a dick..,"['dick', 'sad', 'life', 'hair', 'mess', 'family', 'nut', 'neighbor', 'asshole', 'best', 'friend', 'pussy', 'owner', 'beat', 'habitually']","['suck', 'dick']","['dick', 'sad', 'life', 'hair', 'mess', 'family', 'nut', 'neighbor', 'asshole', 'best', 'friend', 'pussy', 'owner', 'beat', 'habitually', 'suck', 'dick']",17
"The only other patron is sat at the end of the bar looking very down in the mouth. The guy walks over and offers to buy him a drink. He asks him why he looks so depressed? The guy replies;"" My name is Bill I've been a builder all my life..I bet I have built 50 houses...Do they call me 'Bill the housebuilder' ? ...No they don't ! I've built ten school houses...Do they call me 'Bill the schoolhouse builder' ? ..No they don't !... I've laid 100 miles of road....Do they call me 'Bill the road builder' ? ..No they don't ! .... But you fuck one goat !""",32zka3,51,A guy walks into a bar,"['patron', 'sat', 'end', 'bar', 'looking', 'mouth', 'guy', 'walk', 'offer', 'buy', 'drink', 'asks', 'look', 'depressed', 'guy', 'reply', 'name', 'bill', 'builder', 'life', 'bet', 'built', 'house', 'call', 'housebuilder', 'built', 'ten', 'school', 'house', 'call', 'schoolhouse', 'builder', 'laid', 'mile', 'road', 'call', 'road', 'builder', 'fuck', 'one', 'goat']","['guy', 'walk', 'bar']","['patron', 'sat', 'end', 'bar', 'looking', 'mouth', 'guy', 'walk', 'offer', 'buy', 'drink', 'asks', 'look', 'depressed', 'guy', 'reply', 'name', 'bill', 'builder', 'life', 'bet', 'built', 'house', 'call', 'housebuilder', 'built', 'ten', 'school', 'house', 'call', 'schoolhouse', 'builder', 'laid', 'mile', 'road', 'call', 'road', 'builder', 'fuck', 'one', 'goat', 'guy', 'walk', 'bar']",44
"Boyfriends are like noses...

People get disgusted when you blow them in public.

Especially if you're caught without a tissue",2a9qeg,51,Noses and Boyfriends,"['boyfriend', 'like', 'nose', 'people', 'get', 'disgusted', 'blow', 'public', 'especially', 'caught', 'without', 'tissue']","['nose', 'boyfriend']","['boyfriend', 'like', 'nose', 'people', 'get', 'disgusted', 'blow', 'public', 'especially', 'caught', 'without', 'tissue', 'nose', 'boyfriend']",14
"Two fish are in a tank. 

One turns to the other and says ""How do you drive this thing? """,1f1qfp,51,Two fish are in a tank.,"['two', 'fish', 'tank', 'one', 'turn', 'say', 'drive', 'thing']","['two', 'fish', 'tank']","['two', 'fish', 'tank', 'one', 'turn', 'say', 'drive', 'thing', 'two', 'fish', 'tank']",11
"A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, ""Why do you look so excited?"" The groom replies, ""I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."" The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, ""Why do you look so excited?"" The bride replies, ""I just gave the last blow job of my entire life.""",47keo6,51,Marriage joke,"['groom', 'wait', 'altar', 'huge', 'smile', 'face', 'best', 'man', 'asks', 'look', 'excited', 'groom', 'reply', 'best', 'blow', 'job', 'ever', 'entire', 'life', 'marrying', 'wonderful', 'woman', 'gave', 'bride', 'wait', 'end', 'aisle', 'huge', 'smile', 'face', 'maid', 'honor', 'asks', 'look', 'excited', 'bride', 'reply', 'gave', 'last', 'blow', 'job', 'entire', 'life']","['marriage', 'joke']","['groom', 'wait', 'altar', 'huge', 'smile', 'face', 'best', 'man', 'asks', 'look', 'excited', 'groom', 'reply', 'best', 'blow', 'job', 'ever', 'entire', 'life', 'marrying', 'wonderful', 'woman', 'gave', 'bride', 'wait', 'end', 'aisle', 'huge', 'smile', 'face', 'maid', 'honor', 'asks', 'look', 'excited', 'bride', 'reply', 'gave', 'last', 'blow', 'job', 'entire', 'life', 'marriage', 'joke']",45
"...when a man comes up and flashes them.

The first nun has a second stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third couldn't quite reach it.",1qjya7,51,Three nuns are sitting in the park...,"['man', 'come', 'flash', 'first', 'nun', 'second', 'stroke', 'second', 'nun', 'stroke', 'third', 'could', 'quite', 'reach']","['three', 'nun', 'sitting', 'park']","['man', 'come', 'flash', 'first', 'nun', 'second', 'stroke', 'second', 'nun', 'stroke', 'third', 'could', 'quite', 'reach', 'three', 'nun', 'sitting', 'park']",18
Mrs Hawking,50fygo,51,What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables?,"['mr', 'hawking']","['call', 'woman', 'pleasure', 'vegetable']","['mr', 'hawking', 'call', 'woman', 'pleasure', 'vegetable']",6
That when she posted to /r/gonewild they renamed the sub /r/earthporn,2qmyff,51,Your mommas so fat,"['posted', 'renamed', 'sub']","['momma', 'fat']","['posted', 'renamed', 'sub', 'momma', 'fat']",5
silicon valley,3nunhy,51,what do you call the space between kim kardashian's breasts?,"['silicon', 'valley']","['call', 'space', 'kim', 'kardashian', 'breast']","['silicon', 'valley', 'call', 'space', 'kim', 'kardashian', 'breast']",7
"After about thirty seconds, he said, ""I wish I had a cock like that!""

""Oh, really?"" I smiled.

""Yeah, then my wife might leave me."" he added. ",4w9dkv,51,I was standing at a public urinal when a guy came in and stood next to me.,"['thirty', 'second', 'said', 'wish', 'cock', 'like', 'oh', 'really', 'smiled', 'yeah', 'wife', 'might', 'leave', 'added']","['standing', 'public', 'urinal', 'guy', 'came', 'stood', 'next']","['thirty', 'second', 'said', 'wish', 'cock', 'like', 'oh', 'really', 'smiled', 'yeah', 'wife', 'might', 'leave', 'added', 'standing', 'public', 'urinal', 'guy', 'came', 'stood', 'next']",21
"A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. 

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said ""WHERE AM I?"" in large letters. 

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: ""IN A HELICOPTER."" 

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how did the sign help determine their position. The pilot responded ""Well the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless, so I knew that had to be the Microsoft building.""",1n9hyj,51,Variation of the hot air balloon joke,"['helicopter', 'flying', 'around', 'seattle', 'electrical', 'malfunction', 'disabled', 'aircraft', 'electronic', 'navigation', 'communication', 'equipment', 'due', 'cloud', 'haze', 'pilot', 'could', 'determine', 'helicopter', 'position', 'course', 'fly', 'airport', 'pilot', 'saw', 'tall', 'building', 'flew', 'toward', 'circled', 'drew', 'handwritten', 'sign', 'held', 'helicopter', 'window', 'pilot', 'sign', 'said', 'large', 'letter', 'people', 'tall', 'building', 'quickly', 'responded', 'aircraft', 'drew', 'large', 'sign', 'held', 'building', 'window', 'sign', 'read', 'helicopter', 'pilot', 'smiled', 'waved', 'looked', 'map', 'determined', 'course', 'steer', 'seatac', 'airport', 'landed', 'safely', 'ground', 'asked', 'pilot', 'sign', 'help', 'determine', 'position', 'pilot', 'responded', 'well', 'response', 'gave', 'technically', 'correct', 'completely', 'useless', 'knew', 'microsoft', 'building']","['variation', 'hot', 'air', 'balloon', 'joke']","['helicopter', 'flying', 'around', 'seattle', 'electrical', 'malfunction', 'disabled', 'aircraft', 'electronic', 'navigation', 'communication', 'equipment', 'due', 'cloud', 'haze', 'pilot', 'could', 'determine', 'helicopter', 'position', 'course', 'fly', 'airport', 'pilot', 'saw', 'tall', 'building', 'flew', 'toward', 'circled', 'drew', 'handwritten', 'sign', 'held', 'helicopter', 'window', 'pilot', 'sign', 'said', 'large', 'letter', 'people', 'tall', 'building', 'quickly', 'responded', 'aircraft', 'drew', 'large', 'sign', 'held', 'building', 'window', 'sign', 'read', 'helicopter', 'pilot', 'smiled', 'waved', 'looked', 'map', 'determined', 'course', 'steer', 'seatac', 'airport', 'landed', 'safely', 'ground', 'asked', 'pilot', 'sign', 'help', 'determine', 'position', 'pilot', 'responded', 'well', 'response', 'gave', 'technically', 'correct', 'completely', 'useless', 'knew', 'microsoft', 'building', 'variation', 'hot', 'air', 'balloon', 'joke']",92
None.,1qahil,51,How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?,['none'],"['many', 'potato', 'take', 'kill', 'irishman']","['none', 'many', 'potato', 'take', 'kill', 'irishman']",6
"A man goes to his doctor for his prostate exam. The doctor gets his glove and starts doing his thing, when suddenly, he finds a £50 note! The doctor keeps searching and finds a large amount of notes and coins at different amounts. After he's sure he got everything out, he counts it all up.

Doctor : *I don't want to alarm you, but I just pulled £1999.99 out of your ass! Have you any idea why or how this happened?*

Patient : *I guess I'm just not feeling* ***too grand***.",35mgwi,51,Prostate Exam,"['man', 'go', 'doctor', 'prostate', 'exam', 'doctor', 'get', 'glove', 'start', 'thing', 'suddenly', 'find', 'note', 'doctor', 'keep', 'searching', 'find', 'large', 'amount', 'note', 'coin', 'different', 'amount', 'sure', 'got', 'everything', 'count', 'doctor', 'want', 'alarm', 'pulled', 'as', 'idea', 'happened', 'patient', 'guess', 'feeling', 'grand']","['prostate', 'exam']","['man', 'go', 'doctor', 'prostate', 'exam', 'doctor', 'get', 'glove', 'start', 'thing', 'suddenly', 'find', 'note', 'doctor', 'keep', 'searching', 'find', 'large', 'amount', 'note', 'coin', 'different', 'amount', 'sure', 'got', 'everything', 'count', 'doctor', 'want', 'alarm', 'pulled', 'as', 'idea', 'happened', 'patient', 'guess', 'feeling', 'grand', 'prostate', 'exam']",40
Dude! Breathe!!,1ot94m,51,What did the green grape say to the purple grape?,"['dude', 'breathe']","['green', 'grape', 'say', 'purple', 'grape']","['dude', 'breathe', 'green', 'grape', 'say', 'purple', 'grape']",7
"Both are massive, have oil and have been invaded by the west.",2mt741,51,What has the Middle East and Kim Kardashian's ass got in common?,"['massive', 'oil', 'invaded', 'west']","['middle', 'east', 'kim', 'kardashian', 'as', 'got', 'common']","['massive', 'oil', 'invaded', 'west', 'middle', 'east', 'kim', 'kardashian', 'as', 'got', 'common']",11
Artificial Intelligence.  ,2pq80x,51,How do you call it when a blond girl dyes her hair brunette?,"['artificial', 'intelligence']","['call', 'blond', 'girl', 'dye', 'hair', 'brunette']","['artificial', 'intelligence', 'call', 'blond', 'girl', 'dye', 'hair', 'brunette']",8
"he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches.  His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy.  He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.",3glxh1,51,"A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...","['complains', 'friend', 'give', 'awful', 'head', 'ache', 'friend', 'asks', 'get', 'aspirin', 'pharmacy', 'reply', 'every', 'time', 'ask', 'pharmacist', 'aspirin', 'give', 'packet', 'condom']","['man', 'suffers', 'blepharospasm', 'constant', 'uncontrollable', 'winking', 'one', 'eye']","['complains', 'friend', 'give', 'awful', 'head', 'ache', 'friend', 'asks', 'get', 'aspirin', 'pharmacy', 'reply', 'every', 'time', 'ask', 'pharmacist', 'aspirin', 'give', 'packet', 'condom', 'man', 'suffers', 'blepharospasm', 'constant', 'uncontrollable', 'winking', 'one', 'eye']",28
That's growth.,4hnpir,51,What did Mike Tyson say when he saw mold?,['growth'],"['mike', 'tyson', 'say', 'saw', 'mold']","['growth', 'mike', 'tyson', 'say', 'saw', 'mold']",6
When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle,4gvw03,51,As I'm getting older I find that I'm using my glasses more,"['young', 'drank', 'straight', 'bottle']","['getting', 'older', 'find', 'using', 'glass']","['young', 'drank', 'straight', 'bottle', 'getting', 'older', 'find', 'using', 'glass']",9
"He was so upset he got his gun, pointed it at his throwing hand, and pulled the trigger.

He's OK, The bullet was intercepted.",2ftj5x,51,Tony Romo was depressed after yesterday's loss.,"['upset', 'got', 'gun', 'pointed', 'throwing', 'hand', 'pulled', 'trigger', 'ok', 'bullet', 'intercepted']","['tony', 'romo', 'depressed', 'yesterday', 'loss']","['upset', 'got', 'gun', 'pointed', 'throwing', 'hand', 'pulled', 'trigger', 'ok', 'bullet', 'intercepted', 'tony', 'romo', 'depressed', 'yesterday', 'loss']",16
"A man tells his doctor that he's concerned about his wife's hearing.  The doctor tells him that there's an easy test for this: stand far away from her and ask her a question and keep getting closer until she hears him.

So the man goes home and sees his wife cooking dinner.  He asks, ""What's for dinner, honey?""  There's no reply so he moves forward and asks, ""What's for dinner, honey?""  Again, he hears nothing and moves forward, ""What's for dinner honey?""  

She shouts, ""For the third time, spaghetti!""",1e29hl,51,Hearing concerns,"['man', 'tell', 'doctor', 'concerned', 'wife', 'hearing', 'doctor', 'tell', 'easy', 'test', 'stand', 'far', 'away', 'ask', 'question', 'keep', 'getting', 'closer', 'hears', 'man', 'go', 'home', 'see', 'wife', 'cooking', 'dinner', 'asks', 'dinner', 'honey', 'reply', 'move', 'forward', 'asks', 'dinner', 'honey', 'hears', 'nothing', 'move', 'forward', 'dinner', 'honey', 'shout', 'third', 'time', 'spaghetti']","['hearing', 'concern']","['man', 'tell', 'doctor', 'concerned', 'wife', 'hearing', 'doctor', 'tell', 'easy', 'test', 'stand', 'far', 'away', 'ask', 'question', 'keep', 'getting', 'closer', 'hears', 'man', 'go', 'home', 'see', 'wife', 'cooking', 'dinner', 'asks', 'dinner', 'honey', 'reply', 'move', 'forward', 'asks', 'dinner', 'honey', 'hears', 'nothing', 'move', 'forward', 'dinner', 'honey', 'shout', 'third', 'time', 'spaghetti', 'hearing', 'concern']",47
An arms race. ,2vk6kj,51,What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?,"['arm', 'race']","['call', 'race', 'runner', 'leg']","['arm', 'race', 'call', 'race', 'runner', 'leg']",6
it's too hard on the donkey,2gfeb7,51,why dont they have drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in mexico?,"['hard', 'donkey']","['dont', 'driver', 'ed', 'sex', 'ed', 'day', 'mexico']","['hard', 'donkey', 'dont', 'driver', 'ed', 'sex', 'ed', 'day', 'mexico']",9
"Doesn't matter, so long as it's stiff.",44i01e,51,What's a necrophiliacs favorite drink?,"['matter', 'long', 'stiff']","['necrophiliacs', 'favorite', 'drink']","['matter', 'long', 'stiff', 'necrophiliacs', 'favorite', 'drink']",6
"None, ""she fell"".",1szj1p,51,How many cops does it take to push a hooker down the stairs?,"['none', 'fell']","['many', 'cop', 'take', 'push', 'hooker', 'stair']","['none', 'fell', 'many', 'cop', 'take', 'push', 'hooker', 'stair']",8
Because it was *two tired*.,439g0z,51,Why did the bicycle fall over?,"['two', 'tired']","['bicycle', 'fall']","['two', 'tired', 'bicycle', 'fall']",4
"So, a blonde woman is driving down the road, speeding, when a cop pulls her over. Hoping she can get out of a ticket, she waits until a blonde police officer shows up at her door.

""Can I see your driver's license and registration?"" the blonde policewoman asks.

""Which one's the driver's license?"" the blonde civilian asks.

""It's a small rectangular thing with a photo of you on it..."" the officer replies. The driver pulls out her pocket mirror and hands it over. ""Oh, my mistake!"" the officer said, looking at it. ""If I knew you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over.""",1hgq86,51,Double dose (Blonde joke),"['blonde', 'woman', 'driving', 'road', 'speeding', 'cop', 'pull', 'hoping', 'get', 'ticket', 'wait', 'blonde', 'police', 'officer', 'show', 'door', 'see', 'driver', 'license', 'registration', 'blonde', 'policewoman', 'asks', 'one', 'driver', 'license', 'blonde', 'civilian', 'asks', 'small', 'rectangular', 'thing', 'photo', 'officer', 'reply', 'driver', 'pull', 'pocket', 'mirror', 'hand', 'oh', 'mistake', 'officer', 'said', 'looking', 'knew', 'police', 'officer', 'would', 'pulled']","['double', 'dose', 'blonde', 'joke']","['blonde', 'woman', 'driving', 'road', 'speeding', 'cop', 'pull', 'hoping', 'get', 'ticket', 'wait', 'blonde', 'police', 'officer', 'show', 'door', 'see', 'driver', 'license', 'registration', 'blonde', 'policewoman', 'asks', 'one', 'driver', 'license', 'blonde', 'civilian', 'asks', 'small', 'rectangular', 'thing', 'photo', 'officer', 'reply', 'driver', 'pull', 'pocket', 'mirror', 'hand', 'oh', 'mistake', 'officer', 'said', 'looking', 'knew', 'police', 'officer', 'would', 'pulled', 'double', 'dose', 'blonde', 'joke']",54
"Two nuns are walking in a forest. All of a sudden two maniacs attack them and start sexually abusing them. One of the nuns says : 

• Oh god... please forgive them! they don't know what they are doing! 

The other nun turns around and says :

• Mine does! ",4tgn4i,51,Two nuns are walking in a forest.,"['two', 'nun', 'walking', 'forest', 'sudden', 'two', 'maniac', 'attack', 'start', 'sexually', 'abusing', 'one', 'nun', 'say', 'oh', 'god', 'please', 'forgive', 'know', 'nun', 'turn', 'around', 'say', 'mine']","['two', 'nun', 'walking', 'forest']","['two', 'nun', 'walking', 'forest', 'sudden', 'two', 'maniac', 'attack', 'start', 'sexually', 'abusing', 'one', 'nun', 'say', 'oh', 'god', 'please', 'forgive', 'know', 'nun', 'turn', 'around', 'say', 'mine', 'two', 'nun', 'walking', 'forest']",28
"Sorry, I'm still working on it. ",35pta7,51,Wanna hear a construction joke?,"['sorry', 'still', 'working']","['wan', 'na', 'hear', 'construction', 'joke']","['sorry', 'still', 'working', 'wan', 'na', 'hear', 'construction', 'joke']",8
"a large lady at the next table is wolfing down chicken wings, dipping them into a soup bowl of ranch dressing and shoving them in, right hand, left hand...

suddenly she grabs her throat and starts eeking out a panicked sound and starts turning purple...

the hillbilly jumps up, shoves her to the floor on her stomach,
yanks down her sweat pants and runs his tongue right down the middle of her butt crack.

the woman, shocked, hacks and a chicken bone shoots, like a bullet, out of her mouth, flying across the floor and smacking the wall at the other side of the room.

she takes a huge gasp and her color returns to normal.

the guy stands up triumphantly and says,

""ahhh, the ol' hind lick maneuver! works e'ry time""",35h9od,51,hillbilly guy is eating at a buffet...,"['large', 'lady', 'next', 'table', 'wolfing', 'chicken', 'wing', 'dipping', 'soup', 'bowl', 'ranch', 'dressing', 'shoving', 'right', 'hand', 'left', 'hand', 'suddenly', 'grab', 'throat', 'start', 'eeking', 'panicked', 'sound', 'start', 'turning', 'purple', 'hillbilly', 'jump', 'shove', 'floor', 'stomach', 'yank', 'sweat', 'pant', 'run', 'tongue', 'right', 'middle', 'butt', 'crack', 'woman', 'shocked', 'hack', 'chicken', 'bone', 'shoot', 'like', 'bullet', 'mouth', 'flying', 'across', 'floor', 'smacking', 'wall', 'side', 'room', 'take', 'huge', 'gasp', 'color', 'return', 'normal', 'guy', 'stand', 'triumphantly', 'say', 'ahhh', 'ol', 'hind', 'lick', 'maneuver', 'work', 'time']","['hillbilly', 'guy', 'eating', 'buffet']","['large', 'lady', 'next', 'table', 'wolfing', 'chicken', 'wing', 'dipping', 'soup', 'bowl', 'ranch', 'dressing', 'shoving', 'right', 'hand', 'left', 'hand', 'suddenly', 'grab', 'throat', 'start', 'eeking', 'panicked', 'sound', 'start', 'turning', 'purple', 'hillbilly', 'jump', 'shove', 'floor', 'stomach', 'yank', 'sweat', 'pant', 'run', 'tongue', 'right', 'middle', 'butt', 'crack', 'woman', 'shocked', 'hack', 'chicken', 'bone', 'shoot', 'like', 'bullet', 'mouth', 'flying', 'across', 'floor', 'smacking', 'wall', 'side', 'room', 'take', 'huge', 'gasp', 'color', 'return', 'normal', 'guy', 'stand', 'triumphantly', 'say', 'ahhh', 'ol', 'hind', 'lick', 'maneuver', 'work', 'time', 'hillbilly', 'guy', 'eating', 'buffet']",78
They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.,4ctlrs,51,What do women and saxophones have in common?,"['blow', 'make', 'different', 'noise', 'finger']","['woman', 'saxophone', 'common']","['blow', 'make', 'different', 'noise', 'finger', 'woman', 'saxophone', 'common']",8
he is OK now.,2ouex7,51,did you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero?,['ok'],"['hear', 'man', 'cooled', 'absolute', 'zero']","['ok', 'hear', 'man', 'cooled', 'absolute', 'zero']",6
bitches love doing laundry.,1fpcz4,51,I'm going to dress up as laundry next Halloween,"['bitch', 'love', 'laundry']","['going', 'dress', 'laundry', 'next', 'halloween']","['bitch', 'love', 'laundry', 'going', 'dress', 'laundry', 'next', 'halloween']",8
His pants fit him like a glove.,494xyh,51,Have you heard about the man born with five cocks?,"['pant', 'fit', 'like', 'glove']","['heard', 'man', 'born', 'five', 'cock']","['pant', 'fit', 'like', 'glove', 'heard', 'man', 'born', 'five', 'cock']",9
"he tells the attorney that he wants a divorce. ""Do you habe any grounds?"" asks the lawyer. The farmer says ""ya, our house is on about fifty acres."" ""No no no,"" says the lawyer, ""do you have a suit?"" ""Ya but I only wear it on sundays to church,"" says the farmer. ""Do you have a case?"" asks the lawyer, the farmer says, ""no I got a john deere."" ""well sir do you have a grudge?"" asks the lawyer, ""well yes I got a grudge, thats wear I park the john deere."" Frustrated the lawyer asks, ""does your wife beat you up or something?"" The farmer replies, ""no we both get up about 4:30."" The lawyer blurts out ""is your wife a nagger, sir?"" The farmers replies ""no shes a white girl, but that damn boy she had is, thats why I want a divorce.""",1p28yx,51,"A farmer goes to an attorney's office,","['tell', 'attorney', 'want', 'divorce', 'habe', 'ground', 'asks', 'lawyer', 'farmer', 'say', 'ya', 'house', 'fifty', 'acre', 'say', 'lawyer', 'suit', 'ya', 'wear', 'sunday', 'church', 'say', 'farmer', 'case', 'asks', 'lawyer', 'farmer', 'say', 'got', 'john', 'deere', 'well', 'sir', 'grudge', 'asks', 'lawyer', 'well', 'yes', 'got', 'grudge', 'thats', 'wear', 'park', 'john', 'deere', 'frustrated', 'lawyer', 'asks', 'wife', 'beat', 'something', 'farmer', 'reply', 'get', 'lawyer', 'blurts', 'wife', 'nagger', 'sir', 'farmer', 'reply', 'shes', 'white', 'girl', 'damn', 'boy', 'thats', 'want', 'divorce']","['farmer', 'go', 'attorney', 'office']","['tell', 'attorney', 'want', 'divorce', 'habe', 'ground', 'asks', 'lawyer', 'farmer', 'say', 'ya', 'house', 'fifty', 'acre', 'say', 'lawyer', 'suit', 'ya', 'wear', 'sunday', 'church', 'say', 'farmer', 'case', 'asks', 'lawyer', 'farmer', 'say', 'got', 'john', 'deere', 'well', 'sir', 'grudge', 'asks', 'lawyer', 'well', 'yes', 'got', 'grudge', 'thats', 'wear', 'park', 'john', 'deere', 'frustrated', 'lawyer', 'asks', 'wife', 'beat', 'something', 'farmer', 'reply', 'get', 'lawyer', 'blurts', 'wife', 'nagger', 'sir', 'farmer', 'reply', 'shes', 'white', 'girl', 'damn', 'boy', 'thats', 'want', 'divorce', 'farmer', 'go', 'attorney', 'office']",73
"Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.
     
That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the things that made America the greatest nation in the world and we are going to leave our children with what they deserve: the single greatest nation in the history of the world.",45rl95,51,"Roses are red, violets are blue...","['let', 'dispel', 'fiction', 'barack', 'obama', 'know', 'know', 'exactly', 'barack', 'obama', 'undertaking', 'systematic', 'effort', 'change', 'country', 'make', 'america', 'like', 'rest', 'world', 'passed', 'obamacare', 'stimulus', 'deal', 'iran', 'systematic', 'effort', 'change', 'america', 'president', 'united', 'state', 'going', 'thing', 'made', 'america', 'greatest', 'nation', 'world', 'going', 'leave', 'child', 'deserve', 'single', 'greatest', 'nation', 'history', 'world']","['rose', 'red', 'violet', 'blue']","['let', 'dispel', 'fiction', 'barack', 'obama', 'know', 'know', 'exactly', 'barack', 'obama', 'undertaking', 'systematic', 'effort', 'change', 'country', 'make', 'america', 'like', 'rest', 'world', 'passed', 'obamacare', 'stimulus', 'deal', 'iran', 'systematic', 'effort', 'change', 'america', 'president', 'united', 'state', 'going', 'thing', 'made', 'america', 'greatest', 'nation', 'world', 'going', 'leave', 'child', 'deserve', 'single', 'greatest', 'nation', 'history', 'world', 'rose', 'red', 'violet', 'blue']",52
"""Send an ambulance!  My wife's having a baby!""

""Just calm down down"", says the operator, ""Is this her first baby?""

""No it's her husband you idiot!""",2nupyx,51,A guy calls 911,"['send', 'ambulance', 'wife', 'baby', 'calm', 'say', 'operator', 'first', 'baby', 'husband', 'idiot']","['guy', 'call']","['send', 'ambulance', 'wife', 'baby', 'calm', 'say', 'operator', 'first', 'baby', 'husband', 'idiot', 'guy', 'call']",13
"You'd think after the first one did, the second one would have stopped.",35pzt6,51,I just saw 2 blondes walk into a bar.,"['think', 'first', 'one', 'second', 'one', 'would', 'stopped']","['saw', 'blonde', 'walk', 'bar']","['think', 'first', 'one', 'second', 'one', 'would', 'stopped', 'saw', 'blonde', 'walk', 'bar']",11
"So, I decided to ask her husband for advice.",5rhjp9,51,I wasn't sure about how to ask the love of my life to marry me,"['decided', 'ask', 'husband', 'advice']","['sure', 'ask', 'love', 'life', 'marry']","['decided', 'ask', 'husband', 'advice', 'sure', 'ask', 'love', 'life', 'marry']",9
It awesome until you realize that you've fucked yourself.,1d4hd5,51,Procrastination is like masturbation,"['awesome', 'realize', 'fucked']","['procrastination', 'like', 'masturbation']","['awesome', 'realize', 'fucked', 'procrastination', 'like', 'masturbation']",6
without looking ridiculous.,4v97gy,51,TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue,"['without', 'looking', 'ridiculous']","['til', 'impossible', 'look', 'nose', 'sticking', 'tongue']","['without', 'looking', 'ridiculous', 'til', 'impossible', 'look', 'nose', 'sticking', 'tongue']",9
"
 
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, 
so he asks the biker his name.


'Fred,' he replies.


'Fred what?' the officer asks.


'Just Fred,' the man responds.


The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.


The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.  The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'


The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.'  I was born Fred Johnson.  
 I  studied hard and got good grades.  


When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.  I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.  After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.


Dentistry was my dream!  Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.  


Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.  


Well, the  ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.  


Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.  Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my  DDS  because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.


Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'


The officer walked away in tears, laughing",1jzbiq,51,Just Fred,"['cop', 'stop', 'harley', 'traveling', 'faster', 'posted', 'speed', 'limit', 'asks', 'biker', 'name', 'reply', 'officer', 'asks', 'fred', 'man', 'responds', 'officer', 'good', 'mood', 'think', 'might', 'give', 'biker', 'break', 'write', 'warning', 'instead', 'ticket', 'officer', 'press', 'last', 'name', 'man', 'tell', 'used', 'last', 'name', 'lost', 'officer', 'think', 'nut', 'case', 'hand', 'play', 'along', 'fred', 'lose', 'last', 'name', 'biker', 'reply', 'long', 'story', 'stay', 'born', 'fred', 'johnson', 'studied', 'hard', 'got', 'good', 'grade', 'got', 'older', 'realized', 'wanted', 'doctor', 'went', 'college', 'medical', 'school', 'internship', 'residency', 'finally', 'got', 'degree', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'got', 'bored', 'doctor', 'decided', 'go', 'back', 'school', 'dentistry', 'dream', 'got', 'way', 'school', 'got', 'degree', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'dd', 'got', 'bored', 'dentistry', 'started', 'fooling', 'around', 'assistant', 'gave', 'vd', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'dd', 'vd', 'well', 'ada', 'found', 'vd', 'took', 'away', 'dd', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'vd', 'ama', 'found', 'ada', 'taking', 'away', 'dd', 'vd', 'took', 'away', 'md', 'leaving', 'fred', 'johnson', 'vd', 'vd', 'took', 'away', 'johnson', 'fred', 'officer', 'walked', 'away', 'tear', 'laughing']",['fred'],"['cop', 'stop', 'harley', 'traveling', 'faster', 'posted', 'speed', 'limit', 'asks', 'biker', 'name', 'reply', 'officer', 'asks', 'fred', 'man', 'responds', 'officer', 'good', 'mood', 'think', 'might', 'give', 'biker', 'break', 'write', 'warning', 'instead', 'ticket', 'officer', 'press', 'last', 'name', 'man', 'tell', 'used', 'last', 'name', 'lost', 'officer', 'think', 'nut', 'case', 'hand', 'play', 'along', 'fred', 'lose', 'last', 'name', 'biker', 'reply', 'long', 'story', 'stay', 'born', 'fred', 'johnson', 'studied', 'hard', 'got', 'good', 'grade', 'got', 'older', 'realized', 'wanted', 'doctor', 'went', 'college', 'medical', 'school', 'internship', 'residency', 'finally', 'got', 'degree', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'got', 'bored', 'doctor', 'decided', 'go', 'back', 'school', 'dentistry', 'dream', 'got', 'way', 'school', 'got', 'degree', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'dd', 'got', 'bored', 'dentistry', 'started', 'fooling', 'around', 'assistant', 'gave', 'vd', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'dd', 'vd', 'well', 'ada', 'found', 'vd', 'took', 'away', 'dd', 'fred', 'johnson', 'md', 'vd', 'ama', 'found', 'ada', 'taking', 'away', 'dd', 'vd', 'took', 'away', 'md', 'leaving', 'fred', 'johnson', 'vd', 'vd', 'took', 'away', 'johnson', 'fred', 'officer', 'walked', 'away', 'tear', 'laughing', 'fred']",148
Marshall arts.,3emvgf,51,What did Eminem learn to defend himself?,"['marshall', 'art']","['eminem', 'learn', 'defend']","['marshall', 'art', 'eminem', 'learn', 'defend']",5
What's the most offensive jokes you have ever hear,1v8mqb,51,What's the most offensive jokes you guys have?,"['offensive', 'joke', 'ever', 'hear']","['offensive', 'joke', 'guy']","['offensive', 'joke', 'ever', 'hear', 'offensive', 'joke', 'guy']",7
"A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: 

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. 

""Can I help you?"" she asks. 

""I was wondering,"" whispers the man. ""Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"" 

""Yes,"" she purrs. ""I am."" 

The man replies, ""Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.""",1hlh8q,51,CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00,"['guy', 'walk', 'pub', 'see', 'sign', 'hanging', 'bar', 'read', 'cheeseburger', 'chicken', 'sandwich', 'hand', 'job', 'walk', 'bar', 'beckons', 'one', 'three', 'exceptionally', 'attractive', 'blonde', 'serving', 'drink', 'help', 'asks', 'wondering', 'whisper', 'man', 'one', 'give', 'hand', 'job', 'yes', 'purr', 'man', 'reply', 'well', 'wash', 'hand', 'want', 'cheeseburger']","['cheeseburger', 'chicken', 'sandwich', 'hand', 'job']","['guy', 'walk', 'pub', 'see', 'sign', 'hanging', 'bar', 'read', 'cheeseburger', 'chicken', 'sandwich', 'hand', 'job', 'walk', 'bar', 'beckons', 'one', 'three', 'exceptionally', 'attractive', 'blonde', 'serving', 'drink', 'help', 'asks', 'wondering', 'whisper', 'man', 'one', 'give', 'hand', 'job', 'yes', 'purr', 'man', 'reply', 'well', 'wash', 'hand', 'want', 'cheeseburger', 'cheeseburger', 'chicken', 'sandwich', 'hand', 'job']",46
I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook.,3bn7cb,51,I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar...,"['go', 'bar', 'see', 'everyone', 'facebook']","['log', 'facebook', 'see', 'everyone', 'bar']","['go', 'bar', 'see', 'everyone', 'facebook', 'log', 'facebook', 'see', 'everyone', 'bar']",10
*Looks around the immediate area*,1ldthg,51,How does every racist joke start?,"['look', 'around', 'immediate', 'area']","['every', 'racist', 'joke', 'start']","['look', 'around', 'immediate', 'area', 'every', 'racist', 'joke', 'start']",8
"I don't know, I just fly the drone.",4rta4k,51,"In Pakistan, what's the difference between an elementary school and a terrorist training camp?","['know', 'fly', 'drone']","['pakistan', 'difference', 'elementary', 'school', 'terrorist', 'training', 'camp']","['know', 'fly', 'drone', 'pakistan', 'difference', 'elementary', 'school', 'terrorist', 'training', 'camp']",10
"...removed his socks, his new wife asked, ""What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

""I had tolio as a child,"" he answered.

""You mean polio?"" she asked.

""No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.""

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked ""What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!""

""As a child, I also had kneasles,"" he explained.

""You mean measles?"" she asked.

""No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.""

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

""Don't tell me,"" she said.

""Let me guess...

SMALLcox?",3esn1d,51,When the bridegroom...,"['removed', 'sock', 'new', 'wife', 'asked', 'wrong', 'foot', 'toe', 'look', 'mangled', 'weird', 'tolio', 'child', 'answered', 'mean', 'polio', 'asked', 'tolio', 'disease', 'affected', 'toe', 'groom', 'took', 'pant', 'bride', 'asked', 'wrong', 'knee', 'lumpy', 'deformed', 'child', 'also', 'kneasles', 'explained', 'mean', 'measles', 'asked', 'kneasles', 'strange', 'illness', 'affected', 'knee', 'new', 'bride', 'satisfied', 'answer', 'undressing', 'continued', 'husband', 'last', 'removed', 'underwear', 'tell', 'said', 'let', 'guess', 'smallcox']",['bridegroom'],"['removed', 'sock', 'new', 'wife', 'asked', 'wrong', 'foot', 'toe', 'look', 'mangled', 'weird', 'tolio', 'child', 'answered', 'mean', 'polio', 'asked', 'tolio', 'disease', 'affected', 'toe', 'groom', 'took', 'pant', 'bride', 'asked', 'wrong', 'knee', 'lumpy', 'deformed', 'child', 'also', 'kneasles', 'explained', 'mean', 'measles', 'asked', 'kneasles', 'strange', 'illness', 'affected', 'knee', 'new', 'bride', 'satisfied', 'answer', 'undressing', 'continued', 'husband', 'last', 'removed', 'underwear', 'tell', 'said', 'let', 'guess', 'smallcox', 'bridegroom']",58
"One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?'' The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'' ''What about the green one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'' ''What about the red one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.'' The man says, ''What does HE do?'' The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''",3m2afk,51,The Boss,"['one', 'day', 'man', 'go', 'pet', 'shop', 'buy', 'parrot', 'assistant', 'take', 'man', 'parrot', 'section', 'asks', 'man', 'choose', 'one', 'man', 'asks', 'much', 'yellow', 'one', 'assistant', 'say', 'man', 'shocked', 'asks', 'assistant', 'expensive', 'assistant', 'explains', 'parrot', 'special', 'one', 'know', 'typewriting', 'type', 'really', 'fast', 'green', 'one', 'man', 'asks', 'assistant', 'say', 'cost', 'know', 'typewriting', 'answer', 'incoming', 'telephone', 'call', 'take', 'note', 'red', 'one', 'man', 'asks', 'assistant', 'say', 'one', 'man', 'say', 'assistant', 'say', 'know', 'two', 'call', 'bos']",['bos'],"['one', 'day', 'man', 'go', 'pet', 'shop', 'buy', 'parrot', 'assistant', 'take', 'man', 'parrot', 'section', 'asks', 'man', 'choose', 'one', 'man', 'asks', 'much', 'yellow', 'one', 'assistant', 'say', 'man', 'shocked', 'asks', 'assistant', 'expensive', 'assistant', 'explains', 'parrot', 'special', 'one', 'know', 'typewriting', 'type', 'really', 'fast', 'green', 'one', 'man', 'asks', 'assistant', 'say', 'cost', 'know', 'typewriting', 'answer', 'incoming', 'telephone', 'call', 'take', 'note', 'red', 'one', 'man', 'asks', 'assistant', 'say', 'one', 'man', 'say', 'assistant', 'say', 'know', 'two', 'call', 'bos', 'bos']",70
"A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.

""I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak,"" says the husband.

""But sir, what about the mad cow?"" asks the waiter.

""Oh,"" says the husband, ""she'll order for herself.""",3qd6jh,51,JUST Jokes::MAD COW CONCERN::,"['husband', 'wife', 'go', 'restaurant', 'waiter', 'approach', 'table', 'take', 'order', 'biggest', 'juiciest', 'steak', 'say', 'husband', 'sir', 'mad', 'cow', 'asks', 'waiter', 'oh', 'say', 'husband', 'order']","['joke', 'cow', 'concern']","['husband', 'wife', 'go', 'restaurant', 'waiter', 'approach', 'table', 'take', 'order', 'biggest', 'juiciest', 'steak', 'say', 'husband', 'sir', 'mad', 'cow', 'asks', 'waiter', 'oh', 'say', 'husband', 'order', 'joke', 'cow', 'concern']",26
...Tit for tat.,2m0trv,51,The new Tattoo parlor across the street is free if you show boobs...,"['tit', 'tat']","['new', 'tattoo', 'parlor', 'across', 'street', 'free', 'show', 'boob']","['tit', 'tat', 'new', 'tattoo', 'parlor', 'across', 'street', 'free', 'show', 'boob']",10
"""Taxpayer's Lament""

Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;

Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;

Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach him taxing is no joke.

Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.

Tax his oil, Tax his gas
Tax his notes, Tax his cash

Tax him good and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, Tax him more;
Tax him till he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax his sod in which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb,
""Taxes drove him to his doom.""

After he's gone, we won't relax.
We'll still collect inheritance tax.",32u7fj,51,A Taxing Poem,"['taxpayer', 'lament', 'tax', 'cow', 'tax', 'goat', 'tax', 'pant', 'tax', 'coat', 'tax', 'crop', 'tax', 'work', 'tax', 'tie', 'tax', 'shirt', 'tax', 'chew', 'tax', 'smoke', 'teach', 'taxing', 'joke', 'tax', 'tractor', 'tax', 'mule', 'tell', 'taxing', 'rule', 'tax', 'oil', 'tax', 'gas', 'tax', 'note', 'tax', 'cash', 'tax', 'good', 'let', 'know', 'tax', 'dough', 'holler', 'tax', 'tax', 'till', 'good', 'sore', 'tax', 'coffin', 'tax', 'grave', 'tax', 'sod', 'laid', 'put', 'word', 'upon', 'tomb', 'tax', 'drove', 'doom', 'gone', 'wo', 'relax', 'still', 'collect', 'inheritance', 'tax']","['taxing', 'poem']","['taxpayer', 'lament', 'tax', 'cow', 'tax', 'goat', 'tax', 'pant', 'tax', 'coat', 'tax', 'crop', 'tax', 'work', 'tax', 'tie', 'tax', 'shirt', 'tax', 'chew', 'tax', 'smoke', 'teach', 'taxing', 'joke', 'tax', 'tractor', 'tax', 'mule', 'tell', 'taxing', 'rule', 'tax', 'oil', 'tax', 'gas', 'tax', 'note', 'tax', 'cash', 'tax', 'good', 'let', 'know', 'tax', 'dough', 'holler', 'tax', 'tax', 'till', 'good', 'sore', 'tax', 'coffin', 'tax', 'grave', 'tax', 'sod', 'laid', 'put', 'word', 'upon', 'tomb', 'tax', 'drove', 'doom', 'gone', 'wo', 'relax', 'still', 'collect', 'inheritance', 'tax', 'taxing', 'poem']",75
One doesn't come on your face until your twelve,3zsk12,51,What's the difference between a pedophile and acne? NSFW,"['one', 'come', 'face', 'twelve']","['difference', 'pedophile', 'acne', 'nsfw']","['one', 'come', 'face', 'twelve', 'difference', 'pedophile', 'acne', 'nsfw']",8
"All the other kids draw rockets, jet planes, roller coasters, and so on. But little Johnny goes up to the board, draws a dot, and sits down.

The teacher says ""Johnny, there's nothing exciting about a dot. How can a dot cause excitement?""

Johnny replies ""That's not a dot, it's a period, and my sister just missed hers, and it's causing a lot of excitement at our house!""
",33eruj,51,The teacher asks all the students to draw something on the board that's exciting...,"['kid', 'draw', 'rocket', 'jet', 'plane', 'roller', 'coaster', 'little', 'johnny', 'go', 'board', 'draw', 'dot', 'sits', 'teacher', 'say', 'johnny', 'nothing', 'exciting', 'dot', 'dot', 'cause', 'excitement', 'johnny', 'reply', 'dot', 'period', 'sister', 'missed', 'causing', 'lot', 'excitement', 'house']","['teacher', 'asks', 'student', 'draw', 'something', 'board', 'exciting']","['kid', 'draw', 'rocket', 'jet', 'plane', 'roller', 'coaster', 'little', 'johnny', 'go', 'board', 'draw', 'dot', 'sits', 'teacher', 'say', 'johnny', 'nothing', 'exciting', 'dot', 'dot', 'cause', 'excitement', 'johnny', 'reply', 'dot', 'period', 'sister', 'missed', 'causing', 'lot', 'excitement', 'house', 'teacher', 'asks', 'student', 'draw', 'something', 'board', 'exciting']",40
"She says, ""Honey, you can't have it both ways.""",4yp5ej,51,"After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, ""When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!""","['say', 'honey', 'ca', 'way']","['watching', 'olympics', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'mom', 'grow', 'want', 'like', 'ryan', 'lochte']","['say', 'honey', 'ca', 'way', 'watching', 'olympics', 'little', 'boy', 'say', 'mom', 'grow', 'want', 'like', 'ryan', 'lochte']",15
They are a little shady.,1en2xb,51,I don't trust Bonsai trees.,"['little', 'shady']","['trust', 'bonsai', 'tree']","['little', 'shady', 'trust', 'bonsai', 'tree']",5
"Every day Sunny Leone creates history...

Then

we have to

go to

Settings 

and

delete that

History. ",48flk0,51,Every day Sunny Leone creates history,"['every', 'day', 'sunny', 'leone', 'creates', 'history', 'go', 'setting', 'delete', 'history']","['every', 'day', 'sunny', 'leone', 'creates', 'history']","['every', 'day', 'sunny', 'leone', 'creates', 'history', 'go', 'setting', 'delete', 'history', 'every', 'day', 'sunny', 'leone', 'creates', 'history']",16
"""I'm going to have to give you a full examination."" He says to the hot blonde.

He instructs her to take off her shirt and bra and he begins to grope her breasts. ""Do you know what I'm doing?"" he asks her. ""Yes,"" she replies, ""You're checking for lumps.""

He instructs her to remove her underwear, and begins fingering her. ""Do you know what I'm doing?"" he asks her. ""Yes,"" she replies, ""You're checking for cancer.""

Finally, he drops his pants and begins to fuck the gorgeous, young blonde. ""NOW do you know what I'm doing?"" he asks her, with a dirty grin on his face.

""Yes,"" She replies, ""You're getting herpes. That's why I'm here.""",2aemu1,51,"A Hot blonde walks into a doctor's office, and the doctor decided to have a little fun.","['going', 'give', 'full', 'examination', 'say', 'hot', 'blonde', 'instructs', 'take', 'shirt', 'bra', 'begin', 'grope', 'breast', 'know', 'asks', 'yes', 'reply', 'checking', 'lump', 'instructs', 'remove', 'underwear', 'begin', 'fingering', 'know', 'asks', 'yes', 'reply', 'checking', 'cancer', 'finally', 'drop', 'pant', 'begin', 'fuck', 'gorgeous', 'young', 'blonde', 'know', 'asks', 'dirty', 'grin', 'face', 'yes', 'reply', 'getting', 'herpes']","['hot', 'blonde', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office', 'doctor', 'decided', 'little', 'fun']","['going', 'give', 'full', 'examination', 'say', 'hot', 'blonde', 'instructs', 'take', 'shirt', 'bra', 'begin', 'grope', 'breast', 'know', 'asks', 'yes', 'reply', 'checking', 'lump', 'instructs', 'remove', 'underwear', 'begin', 'fingering', 'know', 'asks', 'yes', 'reply', 'checking', 'cancer', 'finally', 'drop', 'pant', 'begin', 'fuck', 'gorgeous', 'young', 'blonde', 'know', 'asks', 'dirty', 'grin', 'face', 'yes', 'reply', 'getting', 'herpes', 'hot', 'blonde', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office', 'doctor', 'decided', 'little', 'fun']",57
Dr Dre ,4rkxwp,51,What's brown and rhymes with snoop...?,"['dr', 'dre']","['brown', 'rhyme', 'snoop']","['dr', 'dre', 'brown', 'rhyme', 'snoop']",5
"when a man approaches her and asks why she intends to jump, to which she replies that she has lost the will to live. He asks ""Well if you are going to jump, mind if we have sex before you do?"". Disgusted the woman tells him to fuck off, so the man starts leaving. ""Where are you going?"" she asks, he replies ""to the bottom of the bridge, hopefully you'll still be warm when I get down there.""",4gzi3i,51,A woman is standing on a bridge about to jump,"['man', 'approach', 'asks', 'intends', 'jump', 'reply', 'lost', 'live', 'asks', 'well', 'going', 'jump', 'mind', 'sex', 'disgusted', 'woman', 'tell', 'fuck', 'man', 'start', 'leaving', 'going', 'asks', 'reply', 'bottom', 'bridge', 'hopefully', 'still', 'warm', 'get']","['woman', 'standing', 'bridge', 'jump']","['man', 'approach', 'asks', 'intends', 'jump', 'reply', 'lost', 'live', 'asks', 'well', 'going', 'jump', 'mind', 'sex', 'disgusted', 'woman', 'tell', 'fuck', 'man', 'start', 'leaving', 'going', 'asks', 'reply', 'bottom', 'bridge', 'hopefully', 'still', 'warm', 'get', 'woman', 'standing', 'bridge', 'jump']",34
...that the city of Dublin was named after her daily weight gain.,2fjce1,51,Yo momma's so fat,"['city', 'dublin', 'named', 'daily', 'weight', 'gain']","['yo', 'momma', 'fat']","['city', 'dublin', 'named', 'daily', 'weight', 'gain', 'yo', 'momma', 'fat']",9
"The President orders a single, clearly marked white rabbit to be released into the California redwood forests.  Whichever service catches the rabbit wins the contest.

The CIA go first.  They deploy surveillance drones, spy satellites and analysts to track down the target.  The rabbit is small, however, hides well underneath bushes, and has an unremarkable heat signature, so the CIA fails to detect it.  The analysts, reviewing the data, historical statistics on rabbits, and after spending millions on outside consultants, runs the numbers through a million-dollar super-computer, and determine that the rabbit never existed in the first place.

The Marine Corps surround the entire forest, soften up the great redwoods with artillery and air strikes, cutting firing and assault lanes throughout the forest, and Marine search-and-destroy teams push through, clearing the area after 3 hours, at considerable tax-payer expense, and document it in a press release showcasing how effective the Corps is at hunting down even the most elusive of targets.  They never find the corpse of the rabbit, but most Marines hold the belief that if the rabbit still lives in that forest, he ain't happy.

The LAPD drive up-armored vehicles into the forest, deploying tear gas to flush out every living creature.  An hour later, the LAPD returns with a badly beaten bear that is swearing up and down, ""Okay!  Okay!  I'm a rabbit!  I'm a rabbit!""",2od988,51,"[Civil servant joke] President Obama wants to know who's better: the CIA, the US Marine Corps, or the LAPD.","['president', 'order', 'single', 'clearly', 'marked', 'white', 'rabbit', 'released', 'california', 'redwood', 'forest', 'whichever', 'service', 'catch', 'rabbit', 'win', 'contest', 'cia', 'go', 'first', 'deploy', 'surveillance', 'drone', 'spy', 'satellite', 'analyst', 'track', 'target', 'rabbit', 'small', 'however', 'hide', 'well', 'underneath', 'bush', 'unremarkable', 'heat', 'signature', 'cia', 'fails', 'detect', 'analyst', 'reviewing', 'data', 'historical', 'statistic', 'rabbit', 'spending', 'million', 'outside', 'consultant', 'run', 'number', 'determine', 'rabbit', 'never', 'existed', 'first', 'place', 'marine', 'corp', 'surround', 'entire', 'forest', 'soften', 'great', 'redwood', 'artillery', 'air', 'strike', 'cutting', 'firing', 'assault', 'lane', 'throughout', 'forest', 'marine', 'team', 'push', 'clearing', 'area', 'hour', 'considerable', 'expense', 'document', 'press', 'release', 'showcasing', 'effective', 'corp', 'hunting', 'even', 'elusive', 'target', 'never', 'find', 'corpse', 'rabbit', 'marine', 'hold', 'belief', 'rabbit', 'still', 'life', 'forest', 'ai', 'happy', 'lapd', 'drive', 'vehicle', 'forest', 'deploying', 'tear', 'gas', 'flush', 'every', 'living', 'creature', 'hour', 'later', 'lapd', 'return', 'badly', 'beaten', 'bear', 'swearing', 'okay', 'okay', 'rabbit', 'rabbit']","['civil', 'servant', 'joke', 'president', 'obama', 'want', 'know', 'better', 'cia', 'u', 'marine', 'corp', 'lapd']","['president', 'order', 'single', 'clearly', 'marked', 'white', 'rabbit', 'released', 'california', 'redwood', 'forest', 'whichever', 'service', 'catch', 'rabbit', 'win', 'contest', 'cia', 'go', 'first', 'deploy', 'surveillance', 'drone', 'spy', 'satellite', 'analyst', 'track', 'target', 'rabbit', 'small', 'however', 'hide', 'well', 'underneath', 'bush', 'unremarkable', 'heat', 'signature', 'cia', 'fails', 'detect', 'analyst', 'reviewing', 'data', 'historical', 'statistic', 'rabbit', 'spending', 'million', 'outside', 'consultant', 'run', 'number', 'determine', 'rabbit', 'never', 'existed', 'first', 'place', 'marine', 'corp', 'surround', 'entire', 'forest', 'soften', 'great', 'redwood', 'artillery', 'air', 'strike', 'cutting', 'firing', 'assault', 'lane', 'throughout', 'forest', 'marine', 'team', 'push', 'clearing', 'area', 'hour', 'considerable', 'expense', 'document', 'press', 'release', 'showcasing', 'effective', 'corp', 'hunting', 'even', 'elusive', 'target', 'never', 'find', 'corpse', 'rabbit', 'marine', 'hold', 'belief', 'rabbit', 'still', 'life', 'forest', 'ai', 'happy', 'lapd', 'drive', 'vehicle', 'forest', 'deploying', 'tear', 'gas', 'flush', 'every', 'living', 'creature', 'hour', 'later', 'lapd', 'return', 'badly', 'beaten', 'bear', 'swearing', 'okay', 'okay', 'rabbit', 'rabbit', 'civil', 'servant', 'joke', 'president', 'obama', 'want', 'know', 'better', 'cia', 'u', 'marine', 'corp', 'lapd']",143
Oh you know... stuff...,2d9laq,51,What does a taxidermist do for a living?,"['oh', 'know', 'stuff']","['taxidermist', 'living']","['oh', 'know', 'stuff', 'taxidermist', 'living']",5
"A husband and his wife take a day trip to the local zoo.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, grunting and pounding his chest. He’s obviously quite excited about the man’s pretty wife in the wavy, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

The husband, noticing the gorilla’s excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. The wife obliges.

Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. Now, Mr. Gorilla is about ready to tear the bars down in excitement. The husband further encourages his wife to lift her dress to show a little leg. This, too, drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

The husband quickly grabs his wife, rips open the door to the gorilla cage, slings her in with the ape and exclaims, “Now, try telling HIM you have a headache!”",3xbtnw,51,A husband and his wife take a day trip to the local . . .,"['husband', 'wife', 'take', 'day', 'trip', 'local', 'zoo', 'walk', 'ape', 'exhibit', 'pas', 'front', 'large', 'gorilla', 'gorilla', 'go', 'ape', 'jump', 'bar', 'grunting', 'pounding', 'chest', 'obviously', 'quite', 'excited', 'man', 'pretty', 'wife', 'wavy', 'pink', 'spring', 'dress', 'sleeveless', 'strap', 'husband', 'noticing', 'gorilla', 'excitement', 'suggests', 'wife', 'tease', 'poor', 'fellow', 'husband', 'suggests', 'pucker', 'lip', 'wiggle', 'bottom', 'play', 'along', 'wife', 'obliges', 'gorilla', 'get', 'even', 'excited', 'making', 'noise', 'would', 'wake', 'dead', 'husband', 'suggests', 'let', 'one', 'strap', 'fall', 'gorilla', 'ready', 'tear', 'bar', 'excitement', 'husband', 'encourages', 'wife', 'lift', 'dress', 'show', 'little', 'leg', 'drive', 'gorilla', 'absolutely', 'crazy', 'husband', 'quickly', 'grab', 'wife', 'rip', 'open', 'door', 'gorilla', 'cage', 'sling', 'ape', 'exclaims', 'try', 'telling', 'headache']","['husband', 'wife', 'take', 'day', 'trip', 'local']","['husband', 'wife', 'take', 'day', 'trip', 'local', 'zoo', 'walk', 'ape', 'exhibit', 'pas', 'front', 'large', 'gorilla', 'gorilla', 'go', 'ape', 'jump', 'bar', 'grunting', 'pounding', 'chest', 'obviously', 'quite', 'excited', 'man', 'pretty', 'wife', 'wavy', 'pink', 'spring', 'dress', 'sleeveless', 'strap', 'husband', 'noticing', 'gorilla', 'excitement', 'suggests', 'wife', 'tease', 'poor', 'fellow', 'husband', 'suggests', 'pucker', 'lip', 'wiggle', 'bottom', 'play', 'along', 'wife', 'obliges', 'gorilla', 'get', 'even', 'excited', 'making', 'noise', 'would', 'wake', 'dead', 'husband', 'suggests', 'let', 'one', 'strap', 'fall', 'gorilla', 'ready', 'tear', 'bar', 'excitement', 'husband', 'encourages', 'wife', 'lift', 'dress', 'show', 'little', 'leg', 'drive', 'gorilla', 'absolutely', 'crazy', 'husband', 'quickly', 'grab', 'wife', 'rip', 'open', 'door', 'gorilla', 'cage', 'sling', 'ape', 'exclaims', 'try', 'telling', 'headache', 'husband', 'wife', 'take', 'day', 'trip', 'local']",106
...you already have reddit.,4yp60d,51,"I was considering posting a joke that nobody had heard of, but I realized that it is actually pretty likely that...","['already', 'reddit']","['considering', 'posting', 'joke', 'nobody', 'heard', 'realized', 'actually', 'pretty', 'likely']","['already', 'reddit', 'considering', 'posting', 'joke', 'nobody', 'heard', 'realized', 'actually', 'pretty', 'likely']",11
"Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.

In the morning he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news.

The camel’s died.’ 

Paddy replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve already spent it.’

Paddy said, ‘OK then, just bring me the dead camel.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’

Paddy said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle a dead camel!’

Paddy said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me.

I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, ‘What happened with that dead camel?’

Paddy said, ‘I raffled him off'


I sold 500 tickets at $2 each and made a profit of $898′

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’


Paddy said, ‘Just the guy who won.

So I gave him his $2 back.’



",51m647,51,Irish Tenacity,"['paddy', 'bought', 'camel', 'farmer', 'farmer', 'agreed', 'deliver', 'camel', 'next', 'day', 'morning', 'drove', 'said', 'sorry', 'son', 'bad', 'news', 'camel', 'paddy', 'replied', 'well', 'give', 'money', 'back', 'farmer', 'said', 'already', 'spent', 'paddy', 'said', 'ok', 'bring', 'dead', 'farmer', 'asked', 'going', 'paddy', 'said', 'going', 'raffle', 'farmer', 'said', 'raffle', 'dead', 'camel', 'paddy', 'said', 'sure', 'watch', 'tell', 'anybody', 'month', 'later', 'farmer', 'met', 'paddy', 'asked', 'happened', 'dead', 'camel', 'paddy', 'said', 'raffled', 'sold', 'ticket', 'made', 'profit', 'farmer', 'said', 'anyone', 'complain', 'paddy', 'said', 'guy', 'gave', 'back']","['irish', 'tenacity']","['paddy', 'bought', 'camel', 'farmer', 'farmer', 'agreed', 'deliver', 'camel', 'next', 'day', 'morning', 'drove', 'said', 'sorry', 'son', 'bad', 'news', 'camel', 'paddy', 'replied', 'well', 'give', 'money', 'back', 'farmer', 'said', 'already', 'spent', 'paddy', 'said', 'ok', 'bring', 'dead', 'farmer', 'asked', 'going', 'paddy', 'said', 'going', 'raffle', 'farmer', 'said', 'raffle', 'dead', 'camel', 'paddy', 'said', 'sure', 'watch', 'tell', 'anybody', 'month', 'later', 'farmer', 'met', 'paddy', 'asked', 'happened', 'dead', 'camel', 'paddy', 'said', 'raffled', 'sold', 'ticket', 'made', 'profit', 'farmer', 'said', 'anyone', 'complain', 'paddy', 'said', 'guy', 'gave', 'back', 'irish', 'tenacity']",78
"The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”",51ago2,51,A woman gets on a bus with her baby.,"['bus', 'driver', 'say', 'ugh', 'ugliest', 'baby', 'ever', 'seen', 'woman', 'walk', 'rear', 'bus', 'sits', 'fuming', 'say', 'man', 'next', 'driver', 'insulted', 'man', 'say', 'go', 'tell', 'go', 'hold', 'monkey']","['woman', 'get', 'bus', 'baby']","['bus', 'driver', 'say', 'ugh', 'ugliest', 'baby', 'ever', 'seen', 'woman', 'walk', 'rear', 'bus', 'sits', 'fuming', 'say', 'man', 'next', 'driver', 'insulted', 'man', 'say', 'go', 'tell', 'go', 'hold', 'monkey', 'woman', 'get', 'bus', 'baby']",30
"A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: ""Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?""
Dad: ""Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights.""
Boy: ""So, why do they make packs of three?""
Dad: ""For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.""
Boy: ""Then why do they make packs of 12?""
Dad: ""Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March.""",37qp28,51,COUNTING CONDOMS,"['boy', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'dad', 'see', 'condom', 'display', 'boy', 'dad', 'pack', 'one', 'condom', 'dad', 'friday', 'night', 'boy', 'make', 'pack', 'three', 'dad', 'college', 'guy', 'friday', 'saturday', 'sunday', 'night', 'boy', 'make', 'pack', 'dad', 'married', 'couple', 'know', 'january', 'february', 'march']","['counting', 'condom']","['boy', 'go', 'drug', 'store', 'dad', 'see', 'condom', 'display', 'boy', 'dad', 'pack', 'one', 'condom', 'dad', 'friday', 'night', 'boy', 'make', 'pack', 'three', 'dad', 'college', 'guy', 'friday', 'saturday', 'sunday', 'night', 'boy', 'make', 'pack', 'dad', 'married', 'couple', 'know', 'january', 'february', 'march', 'counting', 'condom']",39
"Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right.
The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it'",50wypi,51,I am your Doctor. Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem.,"['brain', 'part', 'left', 'right', 'left', 'part', 'nothing', 'right', 'right', 'nothing', 'left']","['doctor', 'sorry', 'inform', 'brain', 'problem']","['brain', 'part', 'left', 'right', 'left', 'part', 'nothing', 'right', 'right', 'nothing', 'left', 'doctor', 'sorry', 'inform', 'brain', 'problem']",16
"""see you next month""",1k024k,51,What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?,"['see', 'next', 'month']","['one', 'lesbian', 'vampire', 'say']","['see', 'next', 'month', 'one', 'lesbian', 'vampire', 'say']",7
"Doctor says to him ""you need to stop masturbating.""

Man says, ""but why doc!?""

Doctor says, ""Because I'm trying to give you an examination.""",3novwt,51,A guy went to the doctor for his annual physical...,"['doctor', 'say', 'need', 'stop', 'masturbating', 'man', 'say', 'doc', 'doctor', 'say', 'trying', 'give', 'examination']","['guy', 'went', 'doctor', 'annual', 'physical']","['doctor', 'say', 'need', 'stop', 'masturbating', 'man', 'say', 'doc', 'doctor', 'say', 'trying', 'give', 'examination', 'guy', 'went', 'doctor', 'annual', 'physical']",18
Gingers just don't last in the sun.,20l6eo,51,Why couldn't the dyslexic plantation owner get anything done?,"['ginger', 'last', 'sun']","['could', 'dyslexic', 'plantation', 'owner', 'get', 'anything', 'done']","['ginger', 'last', 'sun', 'could', 'dyslexic', 'plantation', 'owner', 'get', 'anything', 'done']",10
"Dear Reddit! Tomorrow I will be presenting my product / pitch in front of hundreds of Microsoft employees. Help me start with a bang, give me the worst / best joke about Microsoft that you have. Let's get dirty!",1mq4ch,51,I'm holding a presentation infront of Microsoft tomorrow. Give me your worst / best joke about Microsoft!,"['dear', 'reddit', 'tomorrow', 'presenting', 'product', 'pitch', 'front', 'hundred', 'microsoft', 'employee', 'help', 'start', 'bang', 'give', 'worst', 'best', 'joke', 'microsoft', 'let', 'get', 'dirty']","['holding', 'presentation', 'infront', 'microsoft', 'tomorrow', 'give', 'worst', 'best', 'joke', 'microsoft']","['dear', 'reddit', 'tomorrow', 'presenting', 'product', 'pitch', 'front', 'hundred', 'microsoft', 'employee', 'help', 'start', 'bang', 'give', 'worst', 'best', 'joke', 'microsoft', 'let', 'get', 'dirty', 'holding', 'presentation', 'infront', 'microsoft', 'tomorrow', 'give', 'worst', 'best', 'joke', 'microsoft']",31
A roamin' Catholic.,2hkrrk,51,What do you call a sleep walking nun?,"['roamin', 'catholic']","['call', 'sleep', 'walking', 'nun']","['roamin', 'catholic', 'call', 'sleep', 'walking', 'nun']",6
Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.,4rl8xm,51,How to lose weight easy,"['fantastic', 'exercise', 'really', 'help', 'lose', 'weight', 'turn', 'head', 'left', 'good', 'turn', 'head', 'right', 'good', 'repeat', 'exercise', 'whenever', 'offered', 'food']","['lose', 'weight', 'easy']","['fantastic', 'exercise', 'really', 'help', 'lose', 'weight', 'turn', 'head', 'left', 'good', 'turn', 'head', 'right', 'good', 'repeat', 'exercise', 'whenever', 'offered', 'food', 'lose', 'weight', 'easy']",22
Inside of me.,1bsptk,51,"I like my men how I like my coffee,",['inside'],"['like', 'men', 'like', 'coffee']","['inside', 'like', 'men', 'like', 'coffee']",5
A couple of weeks,43scip,51,What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?,"['couple', 'week']","['difference', 'necrophiliac', 'someone', 'granny', 'fetish']","['couple', 'week', 'difference', 'necrophiliac', 'someone', 'granny', 'fetish']",7
"A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, ""What's so funny,Pat?"" 

""I just saw one of your garters!"" 

""Get out of my classroom,"" she yells, ""I don't want to see you for three days!"" 

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, ""What's so funny, Billy?"" 

""I just saw both of your garters!"" 

Again, she yells, ""Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"" 

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. 

""Where do you think you're going?"" she asks. 

""From what I just saw, my school days are over!""",1lkehl,51,School Punishments,"['young', 'female', 'teacher', 'giving', 'assignment', 'grade', 'class', 'one', 'day', 'large', 'assignment', 'started', 'writing', 'high', 'chalkboard', 'suddenly', 'giggle', 'one', 'boy', 'class', 'quickly', 'turned', 'asked', 'funny', 'pat', 'saw', 'one', 'garter', 'get', 'classroom', 'yell', 'want', 'see', 'three', 'day', 'teacher', 'turn', 'back', 'chalkboard', 'realizing', 'forgotten', 'title', 'assignment', 'reach', 'top', 'chalkboard', 'suddenly', 'even', 'louder', 'giggle', 'another', 'male', 'student', 'quickly', 'turn', 'asks', 'funny', 'billy', 'saw', 'garter', 'yell', 'get', 'classroom', 'time', 'punishment', 'severe', 'want', 'see', 'three', 'week', 'embarrassed', 'frustrated', 'drop', 'eraser', 'turn', 'around', 'bend', 'pick', 'time', 'burst', 'laughter', 'another', 'male', 'student', 'quickly', 'turn', 'see', 'little', 'johnny', 'leaving', 'classroom', 'think', 'going', 'asks', 'saw', 'school', 'day']","['school', 'punishment']","['young', 'female', 'teacher', 'giving', 'assignment', 'grade', 'class', 'one', 'day', 'large', 'assignment', 'started', 'writing', 'high', 'chalkboard', 'suddenly', 'giggle', 'one', 'boy', 'class', 'quickly', 'turned', 'asked', 'funny', 'pat', 'saw', 'one', 'garter', 'get', 'classroom', 'yell', 'want', 'see', 'three', 'day', 'teacher', 'turn', 'back', 'chalkboard', 'realizing', 'forgotten', 'title', 'assignment', 'reach', 'top', 'chalkboard', 'suddenly', 'even', 'louder', 'giggle', 'another', 'male', 'student', 'quickly', 'turn', 'asks', 'funny', 'billy', 'saw', 'garter', 'yell', 'get', 'classroom', 'time', 'punishment', 'severe', 'want', 'see', 'three', 'week', 'embarrassed', 'frustrated', 'drop', 'eraser', 'turn', 'around', 'bend', 'pick', 'time', 'burst', 'laughter', 'another', 'male', 'student', 'quickly', 'turn', 'see', 'little', 'johnny', 'leaving', 'classroom', 'think', 'going', 'asks', 'saw', 'school', 'day', 'school', 'punishment']",99
but no one would do it.,27fonk,51,I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer...,"['one', 'would']","['spent', 'two', 'week', 'vega', 'looking', 'wife', 'killer']","['one', 'would', 'spent', 'two', 'week', 'vega', 'looking', 'wife', 'killer']",9
So much for skydiving. ,49zwun,51,If at first you don't succeed...,"['much', 'skydiving']","['first', 'succeed']","['much', 'skydiving', 'first', 'succeed']",4
"The waiter says: We dont serve black people here! 


The black man responds: Thats okay, I don't eat them anyway.",2ocois,51,A black man walks into a restaurant,"['waiter', 'say', 'dont', 'serve', 'black', 'people', 'black', 'man', 'responds', 'thats', 'okay', 'eat', 'anyway']","['black', 'man', 'walk', 'restaurant']","['waiter', 'say', 'dont', 'serve', 'black', 'people', 'black', 'man', 'responds', 'thats', 'okay', 'eat', 'anyway', 'black', 'man', 'walk', 'restaurant']",17
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already,3n3ffu,51,Whiskey diet,"['whiskey', 'diet', 'lost', 'three', 'day', 'already']","['whiskey', 'diet']","['whiskey', 'diet', 'lost', 'three', 'day', 'already', 'whiskey', 'diet']",8
Unbelievable,5sval1,51,What do you call a beehive without an exit?,['unbelievable'],"['call', 'beehive', 'without', 'exit']","['unbelievable', 'call', 'beehive', 'without', 'exit']",5
The police are looking into it.,2877jd,51,They found a hole in the wall at the University's girl's locker room.,"['police', 'looking']","['found', 'hole', 'wall', 'university', 'girl', 'locker', 'room']","['police', 'looking', 'found', 'hole', 'wall', 'university', 'girl', 'locker', 'room']",9
"Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.",27upvk,51,"After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants","['unfortunately', 'since', 'changed', 'mind']","['decade', 'intense', 'research', 'scientist', 'finally', 'figured', 'woman', 'want']","['unfortunately', 'since', 'changed', 'mind', 'decade', 'intense', 'research', 'scientist', 'finally', 'figured', 'woman', 'want']",12
A parachute.,4io5tk,51,"A guy is lying on a field. There's a backpack lying on his back, and a lot of flies are flying around. What's in the backpack?",['parachute'],"['guy', 'lying', 'field', 'backpack', 'lying', 'back', 'lot', 'fly', 'flying', 'around', 'backpack']","['parachute', 'guy', 'lying', 'field', 'backpack', 'lying', 'back', 'lot', 'fly', 'flying', 'around', 'backpack']",12
"One day, on an Irish farm, a horse was watching MTV through the farmer's window. He watched a music video made by ""The Beatles"" and was amazed. ""I could play guitar like that"" said the Horse to himself and spent a year learning how to play guitar. Satisfied by what he achieved, he showed his work to the chicken.""That's amazing!"" said the chicken, ""I bet  I could put some vocals on that if I practiced!"". The chicken then took a year of its life to learn how to sing while the Horse played.They then decided to show the pig. ""Thats so cool!"" said the pig, ""but it's missing something... I know! Drums!"" The pig then decided to take a year out of his life to learn how to play the drums with the other two.The three then proceeded to show the Sheep, who was amazed by this. She also decided to learn how to play the bass guitar with the rest of the animals. In this time they formed a band, and decided to tour the farm for 4 years, playing for a little extra money on the side, before the Horse got a call from a music agency. They finally got their big break to play at a famous music festival in America. The horse decided to make sure everything was going as planned, and flew over to America to set up stage and confirm their hotel reservations, playing time etc. After his hard few days, he sat in his Hotel room watching the news. On the news their was a report that an airplane had crashed into the Atlantic ocean. There were no survivors from the wreck. He suddenly realised that it was the plane that the Chicken, the Sheep and the Pig were on. Realising that he spent most of his horse life doing something that just went up in flames, he decided he needed a VERY stiff drink. He went down to the hotel bar, asking the bar man for the strongest drink he had. A few minutes later the barman came back and placed the drink on the countertop. He then proceeded to dry a glass, asking the horse a question ""So, why the long face?""",1gaovh,51,"One day, on an Irish farm....","['one', 'day', 'irish', 'farm', 'horse', 'watching', 'mtv', 'farmer', 'window', 'watched', 'music', 'video', 'made', 'beatles', 'amazed', 'could', 'play', 'guitar', 'like', 'said', 'horse', 'spent', 'year', 'learning', 'play', 'guitar', 'satisfied', 'achieved', 'showed', 'work', 'chicken', 'amazing', 'said', 'chicken', 'bet', 'could', 'put', 'vocal', 'practiced', 'chicken', 'took', 'year', 'life', 'learn', 'sing', 'horse', 'decided', 'show', 'pig', 'thats', 'cool', 'said', 'pig', 'missing', 'something', 'know', 'drum', 'pig', 'decided', 'take', 'year', 'life', 'learn', 'play', 'drum', 'three', 'proceeded', 'show', 'sheep', 'amazed', 'also', 'decided', 'learn', 'play', 'bass', 'guitar', 'rest', 'animal', 'time', 'formed', 'band', 'decided', 'tour', 'farm', 'year', 'playing', 'little', 'extra', 'money', 'side', 'horse', 'got', 'call', 'music', 'agency', 'finally', 'got', 'big', 'break', 'play', 'famous', 'music', 'festival', 'america', 'horse', 'decided', 'make', 'sure', 'everything', 'going', 'planned', 'flew', 'america', 'set', 'stage', 'confirm', 'hotel', 'reservation', 'playing', 'time', 'etc', 'hard', 'day', 'sat', 'hotel', 'room', 'watching', 'news', 'news', 'report', 'airplane', 'crashed', 'atlantic', 'ocean', 'survivor', 'wreck', 'suddenly', 'realised', 'plane', 'chicken', 'sheep', 'pig', 'realising', 'spent', 'horse', 'life', 'something', 'went', 'flame', 'decided', 'needed', 'stiff', 'drink', 'went', 'hotel', 'bar', 'asking', 'bar', 'man', 'strongest', 'drink', 'minute', 'later', 'barman', 'came', 'back', 'placed', 'drink', 'countertop', 'proceeded', 'dry', 'glass', 'asking', 'horse', 'question', 'long', 'face']","['one', 'day', 'irish', 'farm']","['one', 'day', 'irish', 'farm', 'horse', 'watching', 'mtv', 'farmer', 'window', 'watched', 'music', 'video', 'made', 'beatles', 'amazed', 'could', 'play', 'guitar', 'like', 'said', 'horse', 'spent', 'year', 'learning', 'play', 'guitar', 'satisfied', 'achieved', 'showed', 'work', 'chicken', 'amazing', 'said', 'chicken', 'bet', 'could', 'put', 'vocal', 'practiced', 'chicken', 'took', 'year', 'life', 'learn', 'sing', 'horse', 'decided', 'show', 'pig', 'thats', 'cool', 'said', 'pig', 'missing', 'something', 'know', 'drum', 'pig', 'decided', 'take', 'year', 'life', 'learn', 'play', 'drum', 'three', 'proceeded', 'show', 'sheep', 'amazed', 'also', 'decided', 'learn', 'play', 'bass', 'guitar', 'rest', 'animal', 'time', 'formed', 'band', 'decided', 'tour', 'farm', 'year', 'playing', 'little', 'extra', 'money', 'side', 'horse', 'got', 'call', 'music', 'agency', 'finally', 'got', 'big', 'break', 'play', 'famous', 'music', 'festival', 'america', 'horse', 'decided', 'make', 'sure', 'everything', 'going', 'planned', 'flew', 'america', 'set', 'stage', 'confirm', 'hotel', 'reservation', 'playing', 'time', 'etc', 'hard', 'day', 'sat', 'hotel', 'room', 'watching', 'news', 'news', 'report', 'airplane', 'crashed', 'atlantic', 'ocean', 'survivor', 'wreck', 'suddenly', 'realised', 'plane', 'chicken', 'sheep', 'pig', 'realising', 'spent', 'horse', 'life', 'something', 'went', 'flame', 'decided', 'needed', 'stiff', 'drink', 'went', 'hotel', 'bar', 'asking', 'bar', 'man', 'strongest', 'drink', 'minute', 'later', 'barman', 'came', 'back', 'placed', 'drink', 'countertop', 'proceeded', 'dry', 'glass', 'asking', 'horse', 'question', 'long', 'face', 'one', 'day', 'irish', 'farm']",181
"She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, ""Do you have a Vagina?"" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, ""Do you have a Vagina?"" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, ""Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."" The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, ""Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this."" She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, ""Do you have a Vagina?"" ""Yes I do."" says the lady. The man replies, ""Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!""",5qojxo,51,A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.,"['go', 'door', 'open', 'see', 'man', 'standing', 'asks', 'lady', 'vagina', 'slam', 'door', 'disgust', 'next', 'morning', 'hears', 'knock', 'door', 'man', 'asks', 'question', 'woman', 'vagina', 'slam', 'door', 'later', 'night', 'husband', 'get', 'home', 'tell', 'happened', 'last', 'two', 'day', 'husband', 'tell', 'wife', 'loving', 'concerned', 'voice', 'honey', 'taking', 'tomorrow', 'home', 'incase', 'guy', 'show', 'next', 'morning', 'hear', 'knock', 'door', 'ran', 'door', 'husband', 'whisperes', 'wife', 'honey', 'im', 'going', 'hide', 'behind', 'door', 'listen', 'guy', 'want', 'answer', 'yes', 'question', 'want', 'see', 'going', 'nod', 'yes', 'husband', 'open', 'door', 'sure', 'enough', 'fellow', 'standing', 'asks', 'vagina', 'yes', 'say', 'lady', 'man', 'reply', 'good', 'would', 'mind', 'telling', 'husband', 'leave', 'wife', 'alone', 'start', 'using']","['woman', 'home', 'hears', 'someone', 'knocking', 'door']","['go', 'door', 'open', 'see', 'man', 'standing', 'asks', 'lady', 'vagina', 'slam', 'door', 'disgust', 'next', 'morning', 'hears', 'knock', 'door', 'man', 'asks', 'question', 'woman', 'vagina', 'slam', 'door', 'later', 'night', 'husband', 'get', 'home', 'tell', 'happened', 'last', 'two', 'day', 'husband', 'tell', 'wife', 'loving', 'concerned', 'voice', 'honey', 'taking', 'tomorrow', 'home', 'incase', 'guy', 'show', 'next', 'morning', 'hear', 'knock', 'door', 'ran', 'door', 'husband', 'whisperes', 'wife', 'honey', 'im', 'going', 'hide', 'behind', 'door', 'listen', 'guy', 'want', 'answer', 'yes', 'question', 'want', 'see', 'going', 'nod', 'yes', 'husband', 'open', 'door', 'sure', 'enough', 'fellow', 'standing', 'asks', 'vagina', 'yes', 'say', 'lady', 'man', 'reply', 'good', 'would', 'mind', 'telling', 'husband', 'leave', 'wife', 'alone', 'start', 'using', 'woman', 'home', 'hears', 'someone', 'knocking', 'door']",104
Mid-life crisis,4ldvor,51,Why are 8 year old African children always so depressed?,['crisis'],"['year', 'old', 'african', 'child', 'always', 'depressed']","['crisis', 'year', 'old', 'african', 'child', 'always', 'depressed']",7
"A woman walks into a doctors office and says ""For the past couple months my vagina has had stamps from Costa Rica in it."" So the doctor pulls out the stamps and says ""these aren't stamps, these are the stickers off the bananas. ",4i4tbn,51,A woman walks into a doctors office,"['woman', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office', 'say', 'past', 'couple', 'month', 'vagina', 'stamp', 'costa', 'rica', 'doctor', 'pull', 'stamp', 'say', 'stamp', 'sticker', 'banana']","['woman', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office']","['woman', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office', 'say', 'past', 'couple', 'month', 'vagina', 'stamp', 'costa', 'rica', 'doctor', 'pull', 'stamp', 'say', 'stamp', 'sticker', 'banana', 'woman', 'walk', 'doctor', 'office']",23
Asworstos.,35n82f,51,What's the only thing worse than asbestos?,['asworstos'],"['thing', 'worse', 'asbestos']","['asworstos', 'thing', 'worse', 'asbestos']",4
Namaste,3wrnpw,51,What do you you say when a monk tries to kick you out of the monastery ?,['namaste'],"['say', 'monk', 'try', 'kick', 'monastery']","['namaste', 'say', 'monk', 'try', 'kick', 'monastery']",6
"The worst part is that he's a veterinarian. 

Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician. ",3lmcbn,51,My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients...,"['worst', 'part', 'veterinarian', 'lol', 'kidding', 'pediatrician']","['uncle', 'fired', 'sleeping', 'one', 'patient']","['worst', 'part', 'veterinarian', 'lol', 'kidding', 'pediatrician', 'uncle', 'fired', 'sleeping', 'one', 'patient']",11
"BECAUSE There was no chemistry.
LOL",4xj0i5,51,Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?,"['chemistry', 'lol']","['physic', 'teacher', 'break', 'biology', 'teacher']","['chemistry', 'lol', 'physic', 'teacher', 'break', 'biology', 'teacher']",7
The sausage tastes like shit.,5083jr,51,How do you know you're at a gay BBQ?,"['sausage', 'taste', 'like', 'shit']","['know', 'gay', 'bbq']","['sausage', 'taste', 'like', 'shit', 'know', 'gay', 'bbq']",7
Because D shells are too big.,1i75ik,51,Why does the little mermaid wear seashells?,"['shell', 'big']","['little', 'mermaid', 'wear', 'seashell']","['shell', 'big', 'little', 'mermaid', 'wear', 'seashell']",6
"Nevermind, it's an inside joke.",1heqtj,51,Did you hear about the one about the heart and stomach?,"['nevermind', 'inside', 'joke']","['hear', 'one', 'heart', 'stomach']","['nevermind', 'inside', 'joke', 'hear', 'one', 'heart', 'stomach']",7
Lukewarm.,3z0p3c,51,What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?,['lukewarm'],"['internal', 'temperature', 'tauntaun']","['lukewarm', 'internal', 'temperature', 'tauntaun']",4
"Three couples were golfing, a Swedish couple, an Irish couple, and a Scottish couple. 

The Swede`s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 

'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' 

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear. 

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?' 

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.' 

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!' 


Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. 

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' 

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.' 

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb..... Tidy yourself up a bit. “",39tb4x,51,Underwear,"['three', 'couple', 'golfing', 'swedish', 'couple', 'irish', 'couple', 'scottish', 'couple', 'swede', 'wife', 'step', 'tee', 'bend', 'place', 'ball', 'gust', 'wind', 'blow', 'skirt', 'reveals', 'lack', 'underwear', 'god', 'woman', 'wearing', 'skivvy', 'ole', 'demanded', 'give', 'enough', 'housekeeping', 'money', 'afford', 'swede', 'immediately', 'reach', 'pocket', 'say', 'sake', 'decency', 'go', 'buy', 'underwear', 'next', 'irishman', 'wife', 'bend', 'set', 'ball', 'tee', 'skirt', 'also', 'blow', 'show', 'wearing', 'undies', 'virgin', 'mary', 'woman', 'knickers', 'reply', 'ca', 'afford', 'money', 'give', 'patrick', 'reach', 'pocket', 'say', 'sake', 'decency', 'go', 'buy', 'underwear', 'lastly', 'scotsman', 'wife', 'bend', 'wind', 'also', 'take', 'skirt', 'head', 'reveal', 'naked', 'mudder', 'jaysus', 'aggie', 'ta', 'friggin', 'hell', 'yer', 'drawer', 'explains', 'dinna', 'give', 'enough', 'money', 'ta', 'able', 'ta', 'affarrd', 'scotsman', 'reach', 'pocket', 'say', 'fer', 'love', 'decency', 'comb', 'tidy', 'bit']",['underwear'],"['three', 'couple', 'golfing', 'swedish', 'couple', 'irish', 'couple', 'scottish', 'couple', 'swede', 'wife', 'step', 'tee', 'bend', 'place', 'ball', 'gust', 'wind', 'blow', 'skirt', 'reveals', 'lack', 'underwear', 'god', 'woman', 'wearing', 'skivvy', 'ole', 'demanded', 'give', 'enough', 'housekeeping', 'money', 'afford', 'swede', 'immediately', 'reach', 'pocket', 'say', 'sake', 'decency', 'go', 'buy', 'underwear', 'next', 'irishman', 'wife', 'bend', 'set', 'ball', 'tee', 'skirt', 'also', 'blow', 'show', 'wearing', 'undies', 'virgin', 'mary', 'woman', 'knickers', 'reply', 'ca', 'afford', 'money', 'give', 'patrick', 'reach', 'pocket', 'say', 'sake', 'decency', 'go', 'buy', 'underwear', 'lastly', 'scotsman', 'wife', 'bend', 'wind', 'also', 'take', 'skirt', 'head', 'reveal', 'naked', 'mudder', 'jaysus', 'aggie', 'ta', 'friggin', 'hell', 'yer', 'drawer', 'explains', 'dinna', 'give', 'enough', 'money', 'ta', 'able', 'ta', 'affarrd', 'scotsman', 'reach', 'pocket', 'say', 'fer', 'love', 'decency', 'comb', 'tidy', 'bit', 'underwear']",114
"It's a really obscure number, you wouldn't have heard of it ",1pc2bz,51,How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?,"['really', 'obscure', 'number', 'would', 'heard']","['many', 'hipster', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['really', 'obscure', 'number', 'would', 'heard', 'many', 'hipster', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']",10
At the start there's lots of sucking and blowing but in the end you lose your house.,4kzs2f,51,What's the similarity between a marriage and a tornado?,"['start', 'lot', 'sucking', 'blowing', 'end', 'lose', 'house']","['similarity', 'marriage', 'tornado']","['start', 'lot', 'sucking', 'blowing', 'end', 'lose', 'house', 'similarity', 'marriage', 'tornado']",10
"She goes up to the librarian at the counter and says, 

""Hello, can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries?""

The librarian, with a confused look, responds, ""Sorry but this is a library.""

The blonde pauses for a few seconds. She then whispers, 

*""Can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries please?""*",4k2r22,51,A blonde walks into a library,"['go', 'librarian', 'counter', 'say', 'hello', 'get', 'one', 'cheese', 'burger', 'side', 'fry', 'librarian', 'confused', 'look', 'responds', 'sorry', 'library', 'blonde', 'pause', 'second', 'whisper', 'get', 'one', 'cheese', 'burger', 'side', 'fry', 'please']","['blonde', 'walk', 'library']","['go', 'librarian', 'counter', 'say', 'hello', 'get', 'one', 'cheese', 'burger', 'side', 'fry', 'librarian', 'confused', 'look', 'responds', 'sorry', 'library', 'blonde', 'pause', 'second', 'whisper', 'get', 'one', 'cheese', 'burger', 'side', 'fry', 'please', 'blonde', 'walk', 'library']",31
"They went to a motel with their ladies and get two rooms.  The first midget is really embarrassed because he cannot get an erection.  His confidence was hurt even more when he heard his friend in the room saying ""1, 2, 3, push!"" Over and over again.

The next morning he was talking to his friend over breakfast. He said ""That was the most embarrassing thing ever.  I couldn't get a hard on""
His friend responds ""You think that is embarrassing, I couldn't get on the bed.""

Edit:spelling ",3jux9s,51,Two midgets decide to get hookers...,"['went', 'motel', 'lady', 'get', 'two', 'room', 'first', 'midget', 'really', 'embarrassed', 'get', 'erection', 'confidence', 'hurt', 'even', 'heard', 'friend', 'room', 'saying', 'push', 'next', 'morning', 'talking', 'friend', 'breakfast', 'said', 'embarrassing', 'thing', 'ever', 'could', 'get', 'hard', 'friend', 'responds', 'think', 'embarrassing', 'could', 'get', 'bed', 'edit', 'spelling']","['two', 'midget', 'decide', 'get', 'hooker']","['went', 'motel', 'lady', 'get', 'two', 'room', 'first', 'midget', 'really', 'embarrassed', 'get', 'erection', 'confidence', 'hurt', 'even', 'heard', 'friend', 'room', 'saying', 'push', 'next', 'morning', 'talking', 'friend', 'breakfast', 'said', 'embarrassing', 'thing', 'ever', 'could', 'get', 'hard', 'friend', 'responds', 'think', 'embarrassing', 'could', 'get', 'bed', 'edit', 'spelling', 'two', 'midget', 'decide', 'get', 'hooker']",46
"Self post! Just wanted to share it because i like it. 

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds. 


""How about having sex with a cat?"" asked the zoophile. 

""Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it,"" says the sadist. 

""Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,"" shouted the murderer. 

""Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,"" said the necrophile. 

""Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,"" said the pyromaniac. 

Silence took over... and the masochist says: 

""Meow.""
",1b0lrk,51,Another masochist joke. Self post. hope you guys like it! ,"['self', 'post', 'wanted', 'share', 'like', 'sadist', 'masochist', 'murderer', 'necrophile', 'zoophile', 'pyromaniac', 'sitting', 'bench', 'mental', 'institution', 'bored', 'mind', 'sex', 'cat', 'asked', 'zoophile', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'say', 'sadist', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'kill', 'shouted', 'murderer', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'kill', 'sex', 'said', 'necrophile', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'kill', 'sex', 'burn', 'said', 'pyromaniac', 'silence', 'took', 'masochist', 'say', 'meow']","['another', 'masochist', 'joke', 'self', 'post', 'hope', 'guy', 'like']","['self', 'post', 'wanted', 'share', 'like', 'sadist', 'masochist', 'murderer', 'necrophile', 'zoophile', 'pyromaniac', 'sitting', 'bench', 'mental', 'institution', 'bored', 'mind', 'sex', 'cat', 'asked', 'zoophile', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'say', 'sadist', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'kill', 'shouted', 'murderer', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'kill', 'sex', 'said', 'necrophile', 'let', 'sex', 'cat', 'torture', 'kill', 'sex', 'burn', 'said', 'pyromaniac', 'silence', 'took', 'masochist', 'say', 'meow', 'another', 'masochist', 'joke', 'self', 'post', 'hope', 'guy', 'like']",64
"Took me 10 years to find it, but when I did; killed it! ",3ieti6,51,What does Osama bin Laden and my wife's clitoris have in common?,"['took', 'year', 'find', 'killed']","['osama', 'bin', 'laden', 'wife', 'clitoris', 'common']","['took', 'year', 'find', 'killed', 'osama', 'bin', 'laden', 'wife', 'clitoris', 'common']",10
but cows are holy in India,3ajz6l,51,I would make a joke about your mom,"['cow', 'holy', 'india']","['would', 'make', 'joke', 'mom']","['cow', 'holy', 'india', 'would', 'make', 'joke', 'mom']",7
to get to the other side...,29t9qi,51,How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb?,"['get', 'side']","['many', 'alzheimer', 'patient', 'take', 'change']","['get', 'side', 'many', 'alzheimer', 'patient', 'take', 'change']",7
"Cincinnati Zoo keeps trying to shoot them down.

Edit: Spelling",506bbt,51,How are Harambe memes keeping up?,"['cincinnati', 'zoo', 'keep', 'trying', 'shoot', 'edit', 'spelling']","['harambe', 'meme', 'keeping']","['cincinnati', 'zoo', 'keep', 'trying', 'shoot', 'edit', 'spelling', 'harambe', 'meme', 'keeping']",10
"But now I am a well-rounded person, so it worked out pretty well.",2g9apr,51,I've been cutting corners my whole life...,"['person', 'worked', 'pretty', 'well']","['cutting', 'corner', 'whole', 'life']","['person', 'worked', 'pretty', 'well', 'cutting', 'corner', 'whole', 'life']",8
A threesome.,2g5tzd,51,What do you call 5 black people having sex?,['threesome'],"['call', 'black', 'people', 'sex']","['threesome', 'call', 'black', 'people', 'sex']",5
But they'd probably remove it.,5220sd,51,I'd make an Apple joke...,"['probably', 'remove']","['make', 'apple', 'joke']","['probably', 'remove', 'make', 'apple', 'joke']",5
Because they will steal all the green cards.,3ilr8i,51,Why do you never play uno with a mexican?,"['steal', 'green', 'card']","['never', 'play', 'uno', 'mexican']","['steal', 'green', 'card', 'never', 'play', 'uno', 'mexican']",7
".. and as he usually does, he slows down a good bit, then continues rolling through the stop sign, without stopping completely.

An officer sees the man roll through the stop sign and pulls him over. The cop, in typical fashion, asks him, ""Do you know why I pulled you over?"" as the man gets out of the car.

""Officer, there's a stop sign there, and I know I didn't stop but I slowed down!""

The officer, without hesitation, pulls out his baton and starts beating the man mercilessly, and says, ""Do you want me to stop or slow down?""",28yx4d,51,A man approaches a stop sign...,"['usually', 'slows', 'good', 'bit', 'continues', 'rolling', 'stop', 'sign', 'without', 'stopping', 'completely', 'officer', 'see', 'man', 'roll', 'stop', 'sign', 'pull', 'cop', 'typical', 'fashion', 'asks', 'know', 'pulled', 'man', 'get', 'car', 'officer', 'stop', 'sign', 'know', 'stop', 'slowed', 'officer', 'without', 'hesitation', 'pull', 'baton', 'start', 'beating', 'man', 'mercilessly', 'say', 'want', 'stop', 'slow']","['man', 'approach', 'stop', 'sign']","['usually', 'slows', 'good', 'bit', 'continues', 'rolling', 'stop', 'sign', 'without', 'stopping', 'completely', 'officer', 'see', 'man', 'roll', 'stop', 'sign', 'pull', 'cop', 'typical', 'fashion', 'asks', 'know', 'pulled', 'man', 'get', 'car', 'officer', 'stop', 'sign', 'know', 'stop', 'slowed', 'officer', 'without', 'hesitation', 'pull', 'baton', 'start', 'beating', 'man', 'mercilessly', 'say', 'want', 'stop', 'slow', 'man', 'approach', 'stop', 'sign']",50
"No, seriously, I want to know.",4r0wgr,51,What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?,"['seriously', 'want', 'know']","['difference', 'century', 'slave', 'century', 'unpaid', 'intern']","['seriously', 'want', 'know', 'difference', 'century', 'slave', 'century', 'unpaid', 'intern']",9
"A male and a female, magically come to life.  They only have 24 hours of life in them, so they put it to good use.

""Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"" says the male.

""Yes..."" says the female shyly.  They go hand in hand behind some bushes, and there is much rustling in the branches.  An hour later, they both emerge together, tired but satisfied.

""Do you want to do it again?"" The male says.

""Definitely!"" The female coos.  ""But this time, you hold down the pigeons and I'll shit on them!""",1jdkua,51,Two Statues in the Park...,"['male', 'female', 'magically', 'come', 'life', 'hour', 'life', 'put', 'good', 'use', 'thinking', 'thinking', 'say', 'male', 'yes', 'say', 'female', 'shyly', 'go', 'hand', 'hand', 'behind', 'bush', 'much', 'rustling', 'branch', 'hour', 'later', 'emerge', 'together', 'tired', 'satisfied', 'want', 'male', 'say', 'definitely', 'female', 'coo', 'time', 'hold', 'pigeon', 'shit']","['two', 'statue', 'park']","['male', 'female', 'magically', 'come', 'life', 'hour', 'life', 'put', 'good', 'use', 'thinking', 'thinking', 'say', 'male', 'yes', 'say', 'female', 'shyly', 'go', 'hand', 'hand', 'behind', 'bush', 'much', 'rustling', 'branch', 'hour', 'later', 'emerge', 'together', 'tired', 'satisfied', 'want', 'male', 'say', 'definitely', 'female', 'coo', 'time', 'hold', 'pigeon', 'shit', 'two', 'statue', 'park']",45
There's no way he's moving into a smaller house in a black neighborhood!,4y6a7d,51,You all need to stop worrying about Trump becoming the next president...,"['way', 'moving', 'smaller', 'house', 'black', 'neighborhood']","['need', 'stop', 'worrying', 'trump', 'becoming', 'next', 'president']","['way', 'moving', 'smaller', 'house', 'black', 'neighborhood', 'need', 'stop', 'worrying', 'trump', 'becoming', 'next', 'president']",13
"Maybe he's Bourne with it, maybe it's Wolverine.",2igj21,51,My mate wears the same jacket when he's impersonating either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman.,"['maybe', 'bourne', 'maybe', 'wolverine']","['mate', 'wear', 'jacket', 'impersonating', 'either', 'matt', 'damon', 'hugh', 'jackman']","['maybe', 'bourne', 'maybe', 'wolverine', 'mate', 'wear', 'jacket', 'impersonating', 'either', 'matt', 'damon', 'hugh', 'jackman']",13
I just like the way it smells. ,5rri05,51,I'm not addicted to cocaine,"['like', 'way', 'smell']","['addicted', 'cocaine']","['like', 'way', 'smell', 'addicted', 'cocaine']",5
"Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Trump and Cruz sitting over there?' The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?'

Cruz says, 'We're planning WW III.' The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

Trump says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'

The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?'

Trump turns to Cruz and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a crap about the 140 million Muslims.’",3xjvil,51,Yup! It got me...,"['donald', 'trump', 'ted', 'cruz', 'sitting', 'bar', 'guy', 'walk', 'asks', 'barman', 'trump', 'cruz', 'sitting', 'bartender', 'say', 'guy', 'walk', 'say', 'real', 'honor', 'guy', 'cruz', 'say', 'planning', 'ww', 'iii', 'guy', 'say', 'going', 'happen', 'trump', 'say', 'going', 'kill', 'million', 'muslim', 'one', 'blonde', 'big', 'tit', 'guy', 'exclaimed', 'blonde', 'big', 'tit', 'kill', 'blonde', 'big', 'tit', 'trump', 'turn', 'cruz', 'say', 'told', 'one', 'give', 'crap', 'million', 'muslim']","['yup', 'got']","['donald', 'trump', 'ted', 'cruz', 'sitting', 'bar', 'guy', 'walk', 'asks', 'barman', 'trump', 'cruz', 'sitting', 'bartender', 'say', 'guy', 'walk', 'say', 'real', 'honor', 'guy', 'cruz', 'say', 'planning', 'ww', 'iii', 'guy', 'say', 'going', 'happen', 'trump', 'say', 'going', 'kill', 'million', 'muslim', 'one', 'blonde', 'big', 'tit', 'guy', 'exclaimed', 'blonde', 'big', 'tit', 'kill', 'blonde', 'big', 'tit', 'trump', 'turn', 'cruz', 'say', 'told', 'one', 'give', 'crap', 'million', 'muslim', 'yup', 'got']",61
She threw out all the W's.,1xg2gp,51,Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?,"['threw', 'w']","['blonde', 'fired', 'factory']","['threw', 'w', 'blonde', 'fired', 'factory']",5
It was worth every Penne. ,4h8ywq,51,Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun),"['worth', 'every', 'penne']","['traveling', 'italy', 'spent', 'hundred', 'euro', 'pasta', 'pun']","['worth', 'every', 'penne', 'traveling', 'italy', 'spent', 'hundred', 'euro', 'pasta', 'pun']",10
I would name them 1 and 2 so if 1 died I would still have 2.,3ioxd0,51,If I had 2 fish,"['would', 'name', 'died', 'would', 'still']",['fish'],"['would', 'name', 'died', 'would', 'still', 'fish']",6
Cancer.,4uwvuq,51,What is the easiest way to get chewing gum out of your hair?,['cancer'],"['easiest', 'way', 'get', 'chewing', 'gum', 'hair']","['cancer', 'easiest', 'way', 'get', 'chewing', 'gum', 'hair']",7
Or does it just run through your jeans?,36kyat,51,Can you cure hereditary diarrhea?,"['run', 'jean']","['cure', 'hereditary', 'diarrhea']","['run', 'jean', 'cure', 'hereditary', 'diarrhea']",5
"A man and a woman meet in an elevator. ""Where are you heading today?"" the man asks.
""I'm going down to give blood.""
""How much do you get paid for giving blood?""
""About $20.""
""Wow,"" says the man, ""I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."" The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
""Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?""
""Sperm bank,"" she says with her mouth full. ",2k1z2o,51,She sure showed him.,"['man', 'woman', 'meet', 'elevator', 'heading', 'today', 'man', 'asks', 'going', 'give', 'blood', 'much', 'get', 'paid', 'giving', 'blood', 'wow', 'say', 'man', 'going', 'donate', 'sperm', 'sperm', 'bank', 'pay', 'woman', 'angrily', 'get', 'elevator', 'next', 'day', 'man', 'woman', 'meet', 'elevator', 'fancy', 'meeting', 'today', 'sperm', 'bank', 'say', 'mouth', 'full']","['sure', 'showed']","['man', 'woman', 'meet', 'elevator', 'heading', 'today', 'man', 'asks', 'going', 'give', 'blood', 'much', 'get', 'paid', 'giving', 'blood', 'wow', 'say', 'man', 'going', 'donate', 'sperm', 'sperm', 'bank', 'pay', 'woman', 'angrily', 'get', 'elevator', 'next', 'day', 'man', 'woman', 'meet', 'elevator', 'fancy', 'meeting', 'today', 'sperm', 'bank', 'say', 'mouth', 'full', 'sure', 'showed']",45
Congress,3wl64t,51,"If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?",['congress'],"['pro', 'opposite', 'con', 'opposite', 'progress']","['congress', 'pro', 'opposite', 'con', 'opposite', 'progress']",6
"My local middle school had a problem.  A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.",20d659,51,The lipstick problem,"['local', 'middle', 'school', 'problem', 'number', 'girl', 'beginning', 'use', 'lipstick', 'would', 'put', 'bathroom', 'fine', 'put', 'lipstick', 'would', 'press', 'lip', 'mirror', 'leaving', 'dozen', 'little', 'lip', 'print', 'every', 'night', 'maintenance', 'man', 'would', 'remove', 'next', 'day', 'girl', 'would', 'put', 'back', 'finally', 'principal', 'decided', 'something', 'done', 'called', 'girl', 'bathroom', 'met', 'maintenance', 'man', 'explained', 'lip', 'print', 'causing', 'major', 'problem', 'custodian', 'clean', 'mirror', 'every', 'night', 'demonstrate', 'difficult', 'clean', 'mirror', 'asked', 'maintenance', 'man', 'show', 'girl', 'much', 'effort', 'required', 'took', 'squeegee', 'dipped', 'toilet', 'cleaned', 'mirror', 'since', 'lip', 'print', 'mirror']","['lipstick', 'problem']","['local', 'middle', 'school', 'problem', 'number', 'girl', 'beginning', 'use', 'lipstick', 'would', 'put', 'bathroom', 'fine', 'put', 'lipstick', 'would', 'press', 'lip', 'mirror', 'leaving', 'dozen', 'little', 'lip', 'print', 'every', 'night', 'maintenance', 'man', 'would', 'remove', 'next', 'day', 'girl', 'would', 'put', 'back', 'finally', 'principal', 'decided', 'something', 'done', 'called', 'girl', 'bathroom', 'met', 'maintenance', 'man', 'explained', 'lip', 'print', 'causing', 'major', 'problem', 'custodian', 'clean', 'mirror', 'every', 'night', 'demonstrate', 'difficult', 'clean', 'mirror', 'asked', 'maintenance', 'man', 'show', 'girl', 'much', 'effort', 'required', 'took', 'squeegee', 'dipped', 'toilet', 'cleaned', 'mirror', 'since', 'lip', 'print', 'mirror', 'lipstick', 'problem']",82
"Who's there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes a bad joke.",45fqgs,51,Knock knock..,"['dish', 'dish', 'dish', 'bad', 'joke']","['knock', 'knock']","['dish', 'dish', 'dish', 'bad', 'joke', 'knock', 'knock']",7
"A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow. 

You **sick** bastards. ",5swb7h,51,"What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common?","['continuing', 'chance', 'create', 'better', 'tomorrow', 'sick', 'bastard']","['magic', 'johnson', 'charlie', 'sheen', 'roughly', 'child', 'africa', 'common']","['continuing', 'chance', 'create', 'better', 'tomorrow', 'sick', 'bastard', 'magic', 'johnson', 'charlie', 'sheen', 'roughly', 'child', 'africa', 'common']",15
The front row of a Ted Nugent concert.,4n8d3a,51,What's 80 feet long and has 22 teeth?,"['front', 'row', 'ted', 'nugent', 'concert']","['foot', 'long', 'teeth']","['front', 'row', 'ted', 'nugent', 'concert', 'foot', 'long', 'teeth']",8
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.,4txwfy,51,What's the difference between a slut and a mosquito?,"['mosquito', 'stop', 'sucking', 'slap']","['difference', 'slut', 'mosquito']","['mosquito', 'stop', 'sucking', 'slap', 'difference', 'slut', 'mosquito']",7
Sir Cumference ,2nptke,51,What do you call a round knight?,"['sir', 'cumference']","['call', 'round', 'knight']","['sir', 'cumference', 'call', 'round', 'knight']",5
National Dyslexic Association.,3ey7l4,51,What does DNA stand for?,"['national', 'dyslexic', 'association']","['dna', 'stand']","['national', 'dyslexic', 'association', 'dna', 'stand']",5
You jacket.,1oc2zi,51,How do you steal a coat?,['jacket'],"['steal', 'coat']","['jacket', 'steal', 'coat']",3
"...""Everything?"" I replied",1wf0tl,51,"My wife slammed her fist on the table and shouted... ""Why must you question everything I say!?""","['everything', 'replied']","['wife', 'slammed', 'fist', 'table', 'shouted', 'must', 'question', 'everything', 'say']","['everything', 'replied', 'wife', 'slammed', 'fist', 'table', 'shouted', 'must', 'question', 'everything', 'say']",11
Fuckin' nothin'.  ,43n1vv,51,What's an asexual person's favorite thing to do in the bedroom?,"['fuckin', 'nothin']","['asexual', 'person', 'favorite', 'thing', 'bedroom']","['fuckin', 'nothin', 'asexual', 'person', 'favorite', 'thing', 'bedroom']",7
"After coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man asks, ""What's the problem officer?""

Officer: ""You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.""

Man: ""No sir, I was going a little over 60.""

Wife: ""Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80.""

(The man gives his wife a dirty look.) 

Officer: ""I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.""

Man: ""Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light.""

Wife: ""Oh, Harry. You've known about that tail light for weeks.""

(The man gives his wife another dirty look.) 

Officer: ""I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.""

Man: ""Officer, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.""

Wife: ""Oh, Harry. You never wear your seat belt.""

The man turns to his wife and yells, ""For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"" 

The officer looks at the woman and asks, ""Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"" 

Wife says, ""No, officer. Only when he's drunk.""
",4uxlmm,51,A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear-view mirror pulls to the side of the road...,"['coming', 'stop', 'police', 'officer', 'approach', 'car', 'man', 'asks', 'problem', 'officer', 'officer', 'going', 'mile', 'hour', 'mile', 'hour', 'zone', 'afraid', 'going', 'ticket', 'man', 'sir', 'going', 'little', 'wife', 'oh', 'harry', 'going', 'least', 'man', 'give', 'wife', 'dirty', 'look', 'officer', 'also', 'going', 'give', 'ticket', 'broken', 'tail', 'light', 'man', 'broken', 'tail', 'light', 'know', 'broken', 'tail', 'light', 'wife', 'oh', 'harry', 'known', 'tail', 'light', 'week', 'man', 'give', 'wife', 'another', 'dirty', 'look', 'officer', 'also', 'going', 'give', 'citation', 'wearing', 'seat', 'belt', 'man', 'officer', 'took', 'walking', 'car', 'wife', 'oh', 'harry', 'never', 'wear', 'seat', 'belt', 'man', 'turn', 'wife', 'yell', 'cryin', 'loud', 'ca', 'shut', 'officer', 'look', 'woman', 'asks', 'husband', 'talk', 'way', 'time', 'wife', 'say', 'officer', 'drunk']","['man', 'seeing', 'flashing', 'red', 'blue', 'light', 'mirror', 'pull', 'side', 'road']","['coming', 'stop', 'police', 'officer', 'approach', 'car', 'man', 'asks', 'problem', 'officer', 'officer', 'going', 'mile', 'hour', 'mile', 'hour', 'zone', 'afraid', 'going', 'ticket', 'man', 'sir', 'going', 'little', 'wife', 'oh', 'harry', 'going', 'least', 'man', 'give', 'wife', 'dirty', 'look', 'officer', 'also', 'going', 'give', 'ticket', 'broken', 'tail', 'light', 'man', 'broken', 'tail', 'light', 'know', 'broken', 'tail', 'light', 'wife', 'oh', 'harry', 'known', 'tail', 'light', 'week', 'man', 'give', 'wife', 'another', 'dirty', 'look', 'officer', 'also', 'going', 'give', 'citation', 'wearing', 'seat', 'belt', 'man', 'officer', 'took', 'walking', 'car', 'wife', 'oh', 'harry', 'never', 'wear', 'seat', 'belt', 'man', 'turn', 'wife', 'yell', 'cryin', 'loud', 'ca', 'shut', 'officer', 'look', 'woman', 'asks', 'husband', 'talk', 'way', 'time', 'wife', 'say', 'officer', 'drunk', 'man', 'seeing', 'flashing', 'red', 'blue', 'light', 'mirror', 'pull', 'side', 'road']",113
But I'm slowly getting over it,4htypz,51,I used to have a fear of speed bumps,"['slowly', 'getting']","['used', 'fear', 'speed', 'bump']","['slowly', 'getting', 'used', 'fear', 'speed', 'bump']",6
"Everytime a Bostonian ""pahks his cah in the yahd"", a Texan warshes something",3qmq8j,51,The Conservation of the Letter R,"['everytime', 'bostonian', 'pahks', 'cah', 'yahd', 'texan', 'warshes', 'something']","['conservation', 'letter', 'r']","['everytime', 'bostonian', 'pahks', 'cah', 'yahd', 'texan', 'warshes', 'something', 'conservation', 'letter', 'r']",11
"A newly graduated Psychiatrist goes to an interview at a Mental Asylum....

""So you're interested in coming to work for us here? Tell me what is your experience with mentally deranged people?""

""I've been on Reddit for nearly 6 months now""

""You're hired!""",5slbyi,51,Job Interview: Mental Asylum,"['newly', 'graduated', 'psychiatrist', 'go', 'interview', 'mental', 'asylum', 'interested', 'coming', 'work', 'u', 'tell', 'experience', 'mentally', 'deranged', 'people', 'reddit', 'nearly', 'month', 'hired']","['job', 'interview', 'mental', 'asylum']","['newly', 'graduated', 'psychiatrist', 'go', 'interview', 'mental', 'asylum', 'interested', 'coming', 'work', 'u', 'tell', 'experience', 'mentally', 'deranged', 'people', 'reddit', 'nearly', 'month', 'hired', 'job', 'interview', 'mental', 'asylum']",24
"At 69 she always gets a frog in her throat.
",3a2ry5,51,Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?,"['always', 'get', 'frog', 'throat']","['ca', 'miss', 'piggy', 'count']","['always', 'get', 'frog', 'throat', 'ca', 'miss', 'piggy', 'count']",8
I'll tell you tomorrow,333q23,51,What's a procrastinator's favorite punchline?,"['tell', 'tomorrow']","['procrastinator', 'favorite', 'punchline']","['tell', 'tomorrow', 'procrastinator', 'favorite', 'punchline']",5
None. That's a hardware problem.,3xzd85,51,How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?,"['none', 'hardware', 'problem']","['many', 'software', 'engineer', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['none', 'hardware', 'problem', 'many', 'software', 'engineer', 'take', 'change', 'lightbulb']",9
Just stand in a corner. They're usually around 90 degrees!,4px8ih,51,If you ever get cold...,"['stand', 'corner', 'usually', 'around', 'degree']","['ever', 'get', 'cold']","['stand', 'corner', 'usually', 'around', 'degree', 'ever', 'get', 'cold']",8
"""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!

Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.

“President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave says,”This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has passed out and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw – you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?”",3mjr84,51,Dave was bragging to his boss one day,"['know', 'know', 'everyone', 'know', 'name', 'someone', 'anyone', 'know', 'tired', 'boasting', 'bos', 'called', 'bluff', 'ok', 'dave', 'tom', 'cruise', 'drama', 'bos', 'tom', 'old', 'friend', 'prove', 'dave', 'bos', 'fly', 'hollywood', 'knock', 'tom', 'cruise', 'door', 'tom', 'cruise', 'shout', 'dave', 'happening', 'great', 'see', 'come', 'beer', 'although', 'impressed', 'dave', 'bos', 'still', 'sceptical', 'leave', 'cruise', 'house', 'tell', 'dave', 'think', 'knowing', 'cruise', 'lucky', 'name', 'anyone', 'else', 'dave', 'say', 'president', 'bush', 'bos', 'quickly', 'retort', 'yup', 'dave', 'say', 'old', 'buddy', 'let', 'fly', 'go', 'white', 'house', 'bush', 'spot', 'dave', 'tour', 'motion', 'bos', 'saying', 'dave', 'surprise', 'way', 'meeting', 'friend', 'come', 'let', 'cup', 'coffee', 'first', 'catch', 'well', 'bos', 'shaken', 'still', 'totally', 'convinced', 'leave', 'white', 'house', 'ground', 'express', 'doubt', 'dave', 'implores', 'name', 'anyone', 'else', 'pope', 'bos', 'reply', 'sure', 'say', 'dave', 'known', 'pope', 'fly', 'rome', 'dave', 'bos', 'assembled', 'mass', 'vatican', 'dave', 'say', 'never', 'work', 'catch', 'pope', 'eye', 'among', 'people', 'tell', 'know', 'guard', 'let', 'go', 'upstairs', 'come', 'balcony', 'disappears', 'crowd', 'headed', 'towards', 'vatican', 'sure', 'enough', 'half', 'hour', 'later', 'dave', 'emerges', 'pope', 'balcony', 'time', 'dave', 'return', 'find', 'bos', 'passed', 'surrounded', 'paramedic', 'making', 'way', 'bos', 'side', 'dave', 'asks', 'happened', 'bos', 'look', 'say', 'final', 'straw', 'pope', 'came', 'balcony', 'man', 'next', 'said', 'hell', 'balcony', 'dave']","['dave', 'bragging', 'bos', 'one', 'day']","['know', 'know', 'everyone', 'know', 'name', 'someone', 'anyone', 'know', 'tired', 'boasting', 'bos', 'called', 'bluff', 'ok', 'dave', 'tom', 'cruise', 'drama', 'bos', 'tom', 'old', 'friend', 'prove', 'dave', 'bos', 'fly', 'hollywood', 'knock', 'tom', 'cruise', 'door', 'tom', 'cruise', 'shout', 'dave', 'happening', 'great', 'see', 'come', 'beer', 'although', 'impressed', 'dave', 'bos', 'still', 'sceptical', 'leave', 'cruise', 'house', 'tell', 'dave', 'think', 'knowing', 'cruise', 'lucky', 'name', 'anyone', 'else', 'dave', 'say', 'president', 'bush', 'bos', 'quickly', 'retort', 'yup', 'dave', 'say', 'old', 'buddy', 'let', 'fly', 'go', 'white', 'house', 'bush', 'spot', 'dave', 'tour', 'motion', 'bos', 'saying', 'dave', 'surprise', 'way', 'meeting', 'friend', 'come', 'let', 'cup', 'coffee', 'first', 'catch', 'well', 'bos', 'shaken', 'still', 'totally', 'convinced', 'leave', 'white', 'house', 'ground', 'express', 'doubt', 'dave', 'implores', 'name', 'anyone', 'else', 'pope', 'bos', 'reply', 'sure', 'say', 'dave', 'known', 'pope', 'fly', 'rome', 'dave', 'bos', 'assembled', 'mass', 'vatican', 'dave', 'say', 'never', 'work', 'catch', 'pope', 'eye', 'among', 'people', 'tell', 'know', 'guard', 'let', 'go', 'upstairs', 'come', 'balcony', 'disappears', 'crowd', 'headed', 'towards', 'vatican', 'sure', 'enough', 'half', 'hour', 'later', 'dave', 'emerges', 'pope', 'balcony', 'time', 'dave', 'return', 'find', 'bos', 'passed', 'surrounded', 'paramedic', 'making', 'way', 'bos', 'side', 'dave', 'asks', 'happened', 'bos', 'look', 'say', 'final', 'straw', 'pope', 'came', 'balcony', 'man', 'next', 'said', 'hell', 'balcony', 'dave', 'dave', 'bragging', 'bos', 'one', 'day']",190
"A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, ""I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."" The rancher said, ""okay, but don't go into that field over there..."", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, ""look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. ""See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!""
The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......
""YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!""",27d2hb,51,The Badge and The Rancher,"['dea', 'agent', 'stopped', 'ranch', 'texas', 'talked', 'old', 'rancher', 'told', 'rancher', 'need', 'inspect', 'ranch', 'illegally', 'grown', 'drug', 'rancher', 'said', 'okay', 'go', 'field', 'pointed', 'location', 'dea', 'agent', 'verbally', 'exploded', 'said', 'look', 'mister', 'authority', 'federal', 'government', 'reaching', 'rear', 'back', 'pocket', 'arrogant', 'officer', 'removed', 'badge', 'proudly', 'displayed', 'rancher', 'see', 'badge', 'badge', 'mean', 'go', 'wherever', 'want', 'land', 'question', 'asked', 'answer', 'given', 'understand', 'old', 'man', 'rancher', 'kindly', 'nodded', 'apologized', 'went', 'chore', 'moment', 'later', 'rancher', 'heard', 'loud', 'scream', 'looked', 'saw', 'dea', 'agent', 'running', 'life', 'chased', 'rancher', 'big', 'santa', 'gertrudis', 'bull', 'every', 'step', 'bull', 'gaining', 'ground', 'officer', 'likely', 'sure', 'enough', 'get', 'gored', 'reached', 'safety', 'officer', 'clearly', 'terrified', 'old', 'rancher', 'threw', 'tool', 'ran', 'fast', 'could', 'fence', 'yelled', 'top', 'lung', 'badge', 'show', 'badge']","['badge', 'rancher']","['dea', 'agent', 'stopped', 'ranch', 'texas', 'talked', 'old', 'rancher', 'told', 'rancher', 'need', 'inspect', 'ranch', 'illegally', 'grown', 'drug', 'rancher', 'said', 'okay', 'go', 'field', 'pointed', 'location', 'dea', 'agent', 'verbally', 'exploded', 'said', 'look', 'mister', 'authority', 'federal', 'government', 'reaching', 'rear', 'back', 'pocket', 'arrogant', 'officer', 'removed', 'badge', 'proudly', 'displayed', 'rancher', 'see', 'badge', 'badge', 'mean', 'go', 'wherever', 'want', 'land', 'question', 'asked', 'answer', 'given', 'understand', 'old', 'man', 'rancher', 'kindly', 'nodded', 'apologized', 'went', 'chore', 'moment', 'later', 'rancher', 'heard', 'loud', 'scream', 'looked', 'saw', 'dea', 'agent', 'running', 'life', 'chased', 'rancher', 'big', 'santa', 'gertrudis', 'bull', 'every', 'step', 'bull', 'gaining', 'ground', 'officer', 'likely', 'sure', 'enough', 'get', 'gored', 'reached', 'safety', 'officer', 'clearly', 'terrified', 'old', 'rancher', 'threw', 'tool', 'ran', 'fast', 'could', 'fence', 'yelled', 'top', 'lung', 'badge', 'show', 'badge', 'badge', 'rancher']",115
"A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. 

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, ""Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."" 

""What?"" said the puzzled groom. 

""How can that be if you've been married ten times?"" 

""Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. 

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. 

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. 

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. 

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. 

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. 

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. 

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. 

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. 

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"" 

""Good,"" said the new husband, ""but, why?"" 

""You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!""",4puqyz,51,"Married 10 times, still a virgin","['lawyer', 'married', 'woman', 'previously', 'divorced', 'ten', 'husband', 'wedding', 'night', 'told', 'new', 'husband', 'please', 'gentle', 'still', 'virgin', 'said', 'puzzled', 'groom', 'married', 'ten', 'time', 'well', 'husband', 'sale', 'representative', 'kept', 'telling', 'great', 'going', 'husband', 'software', 'service', 'never', 'really', 'sure', 'supposed', 'function', 'said', 'look', 'get', 'back', 'husband', 'field', 'service', 'said', 'everything', 'checked', 'diagnostically', 'could', 'get', 'system', 'husband', 'telemarketing', 'even', 'though', 'knew', 'order', 'know', 'would', 'able', 'deliver', 'husband', 'engineer', 'understood', 'basic', 'process', 'wanted', 'three', 'year', 'research', 'implement', 'design', 'new', 'method', 'husband', 'finance', 'administration', 'thought', 'knew', 'sure', 'whether', 'job', 'husband', 'marketing', 'although', 'nice', 'product', 'never', 'sure', 'position', 'husband', 'psychologist', 'ever', 'talk', 'husband', 'gynecologist', 'look', 'husband', 'stamp', 'collector', 'ever', 'god', 'miss', 'married', 'really', 'excited', 'good', 'said', 'new', 'husband', 'lawyer', 'time', 'know', 'gon', 'na', 'get', 'screwed']","['married', 'time', 'still', 'virgin']","['lawyer', 'married', 'woman', 'previously', 'divorced', 'ten', 'husband', 'wedding', 'night', 'told', 'new', 'husband', 'please', 'gentle', 'still', 'virgin', 'said', 'puzzled', 'groom', 'married', 'ten', 'time', 'well', 'husband', 'sale', 'representative', 'kept', 'telling', 'great', 'going', 'husband', 'software', 'service', 'never', 'really', 'sure', 'supposed', 'function', 'said', 'look', 'get', 'back', 'husband', 'field', 'service', 'said', 'everything', 'checked', 'diagnostically', 'could', 'get', 'system', 'husband', 'telemarketing', 'even', 'though', 'knew', 'order', 'know', 'would', 'able', 'deliver', 'husband', 'engineer', 'understood', 'basic', 'process', 'wanted', 'three', 'year', 'research', 'implement', 'design', 'new', 'method', 'husband', 'finance', 'administration', 'thought', 'knew', 'sure', 'whether', 'job', 'husband', 'marketing', 'although', 'nice', 'product', 'never', 'sure', 'position', 'husband', 'psychologist', 'ever', 'talk', 'husband', 'gynecologist', 'look', 'husband', 'stamp', 'collector', 'ever', 'god', 'miss', 'married', 'really', 'excited', 'good', 'said', 'new', 'husband', 'lawyer', 'time', 'know', 'gon', 'na', 'get', 'screwed', 'married', 'time', 'still', 'virgin']",122
"The first brother walks in and the recruiter asks ""What do you do?"" The Newfie replied ""I'm a diesel fitter"" and the recruiter says ""Excellent, we can put you to work straight away in the oil fields."" Excited, he goes and tells his brother he has a job. His brother walks in and the recruiter asks him the same question, to which the Newfie replied ""I makes women's panties"" and the recruiter said ""excuse me?"" Newfie says ""yes by, I makes women's panties, and they're right good sure!"" The recruiter, confused, looked at the Newfie and said ""I can't give you a job making panties!"" Pissed off, the Newfie says ""What? How come? You gave my brother a job!""

""Yes, but your brother is a diesel fitter!""

""My son, you got it all wrong. I makes the panties, and me Brudder puts em on his head and says Yes by! Diesel fitter!!!""",2l9c13,51,Two Newfie brothers are looking for a job...,"['first', 'brother', 'walk', 'recruiter', 'asks', 'newfie', 'replied', 'diesel', 'fitter', 'recruiter', 'say', 'excellent', 'put', 'work', 'straight', 'away', 'oil', 'field', 'excited', 'go', 'tell', 'brother', 'job', 'brother', 'walk', 'recruiter', 'asks', 'question', 'newfie', 'replied', 'make', 'woman', 'panty', 'recruiter', 'said', 'excuse', 'newfie', 'say', 'yes', 'make', 'woman', 'panty', 'right', 'good', 'sure', 'recruiter', 'confused', 'looked', 'newfie', 'said', 'ca', 'give', 'job', 'making', 'panty', 'pissed', 'newfie', 'say', 'come', 'gave', 'brother', 'job', 'yes', 'brother', 'diesel', 'fitter', 'son', 'got', 'wrong', 'make', 'panty', 'brudder', 'put', 'em', 'head', 'say', 'yes', 'diesel', 'fitter']","['two', 'newfie', 'brother', 'looking', 'job']","['first', 'brother', 'walk', 'recruiter', 'asks', 'newfie', 'replied', 'diesel', 'fitter', 'recruiter', 'say', 'excellent', 'put', 'work', 'straight', 'away', 'oil', 'field', 'excited', 'go', 'tell', 'brother', 'job', 'brother', 'walk', 'recruiter', 'asks', 'question', 'newfie', 'replied', 'make', 'woman', 'panty', 'recruiter', 'said', 'excuse', 'newfie', 'say', 'yes', 'make', 'woman', 'panty', 'right', 'good', 'sure', 'recruiter', 'confused', 'looked', 'newfie', 'said', 'ca', 'give', 'job', 'making', 'panty', 'pissed', 'newfie', 'say', 'come', 'gave', 'brother', 'job', 'yes', 'brother', 'diesel', 'fitter', 'son', 'got', 'wrong', 'make', 'panty', 'brudder', 'put', 'em', 'head', 'say', 'yes', 'diesel', 'fitter', 'two', 'newfie', 'brother', 'looking', 'job']",84
The Wurst.,2kagmq,51,What do you call a really bad sausage?,['wurst'],"['call', 'really', 'bad', 'sausage']","['wurst', 'call', 'really', 'bad', 'sausage']",5
"Polish man moved to the United States and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well — until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: “Have you any grounds?”

Man: “Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.”

Lawyer: “No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

Man: “It’s made of concrete.”

Lawyer: “I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?”

Man: “No, we have a carport.”

Lawyer: “I mean, what are your relations like?”

Man: “All my relations are still in Poland.”

Lawyer: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

Man: “We have a high-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.”

Lawyer: “Does your wife beat you up?”

Man: “No, I always wake up before her.”

Lawyer: “Sir, exactly why do you want this divorce?”

Man: “She’s going to kill me.”

Lawyer: “What makes you think that?”

Man: “I have proof.”

Lawyer: “What kind of proof?”

Man: “She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle and put it on the shelf in the bathroom. I can read it and it says … Polish remover."" ",4cjqjn,51,A Polish man rushes into a lawyer's office...,"['polish', 'man', 'moved', 'united', 'state', 'married', 'american', 'girl', 'although', 'english', 'far', 'perfect', 'got', 'along', 'well', 'one', 'day', 'rushed', 'lawyer', 'office', 'asked', 'could', 'arrange', 'divorce', 'lawyer', 'said', 'getting', 'divorce', 'would', 'depend', 'circumstance', 'asked', 'following', 'question', 'lawyer', 'ground', 'man', 'yes', 'acre', 'half', 'nice', 'little', 'lawyer', 'mean', 'foundation', 'case', 'man', 'made', 'lawyer', 'think', 'understand', 'either', 'real', 'grudge', 'man', 'lawyer', 'mean', 'relation', 'like', 'man', 'relation', 'still', 'lawyer', 'infidelity', 'marriage', 'man', 'stereo', 'good', 'dvd', 'lawyer', 'wife', 'beat', 'man', 'always', 'wake', 'lawyer', 'sir', 'exactly', 'want', 'divorce', 'man', 'going', 'kill', 'lawyer', 'make', 'think', 'man', 'lawyer', 'kind', 'proof', 'man', 'going', 'poison', 'bought', 'bottle', 'put', 'shelf', 'bathroom', 'read', 'say', 'polish', 'remover']","['polish', 'man', 'rush', 'lawyer', 'office']","['polish', 'man', 'moved', 'united', 'state', 'married', 'american', 'girl', 'although', 'english', 'far', 'perfect', 'got', 'along', 'well', 'one', 'day', 'rushed', 'lawyer', 'office', 'asked', 'could', 'arrange', 'divorce', 'lawyer', 'said', 'getting', 'divorce', 'would', 'depend', 'circumstance', 'asked', 'following', 'question', 'lawyer', 'ground', 'man', 'yes', 'acre', 'half', 'nice', 'little', 'lawyer', 'mean', 'foundation', 'case', 'man', 'made', 'lawyer', 'think', 'understand', 'either', 'real', 'grudge', 'man', 'lawyer', 'mean', 'relation', 'like', 'man', 'relation', 'still', 'lawyer', 'infidelity', 'marriage', 'man', 'stereo', 'good', 'dvd', 'lawyer', 'wife', 'beat', 'man', 'always', 'wake', 'lawyer', 'sir', 'exactly', 'want', 'divorce', 'man', 'going', 'kill', 'lawyer', 'make', 'think', 'man', 'lawyer', 'kind', 'proof', 'man', 'going', 'poison', 'bought', 'bottle', 'put', 'shelf', 'bathroom', 'read', 'say', 'polish', 'remover', 'polish', 'man', 'rush', 'lawyer', 'office']",107
When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers...,1um0n6,51,I didn't know you could get paid for donating sperm.,"['think', 'money', 'let', 'slip', 'finger']","['know', 'could', 'get', 'paid', 'donating', 'sperm']","['think', 'money', 'let', 'slip', 'finger', 'know', 'could', 'get', 'paid', 'donating', 'sperm']",11
"""Jimmy, I can't believe this! Smoking is terrible for you, and you're so young!"" Jimmy replies, ""Don't worry mom, I only smoke when I'm drunk.""",3c6ec2,51,A mother catches her 12-year-old son smoking in the backyard...,"['jimmy', 'ca', 'believe', 'smoking', 'terrible', 'young', 'jimmy', 'reply', 'worry', 'mom', 'smoke', 'drunk']","['mother', 'catch', 'son', 'smoking', 'backyard']","['jimmy', 'ca', 'believe', 'smoking', 'terrible', 'young', 'jimmy', 'reply', 'worry', 'mom', 'smoke', 'drunk', 'mother', 'catch', 'son', 'smoking', 'backyard']",17
Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.,2p8byr,51,What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?,"['last', 'night', 'pay', 'buck', 'garbanzo', 'bean', 'face']","['difference', 'garbanzo', 'bean', 'chickpea']","['last', 'night', 'pay', 'buck', 'garbanzo', 'bean', 'face', 'difference', 'garbanzo', 'bean', 'chickpea']",11
Hewbrews it.,4hk5ag,51,How does Moses make tea?,['hewbrews'],"['moses', 'make', 'tea']","['hewbrews', 'moses', 'make', 'tea']",4
One prick and its gone.,4sid6h,51,What do balloons and virgins have in common?,"['one', 'prick', 'gone']","['balloon', 'virgin', 'common']","['one', 'prick', 'gone', 'balloon', 'virgin', 'common']",6
"A man walked into a crowded bar waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, ""I have a colt 45 model 1911 with a seven round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who is sleeping with my wife!""

A voice yelled from the back of the bar, ""You're gonna need more ammo!""",5s0z20,51,Short gun story,"['man', 'walked', 'crowded', 'bar', 'waving', 'unholstered', 'pistol', 'yelled', 'colt', 'model', 'seven', 'round', 'magazine', 'plus', 'one', 'chamber', 'want', 'know', 'sleeping', 'wife', 'voice', 'yelled', 'back', 'bar', 'gon', 'na', 'need', 'ammo']","['short', 'gun', 'story']","['man', 'walked', 'crowded', 'bar', 'waving', 'unholstered', 'pistol', 'yelled', 'colt', 'model', 'seven', 'round', 'magazine', 'plus', 'one', 'chamber', 'want', 'know', 'sleeping', 'wife', 'voice', 'yelled', 'back', 'bar', 'gon', 'na', 'need', 'ammo', 'short', 'gun', 'story']",31
Once I had a dog name Marlboro who didn't have any legs. Sometimes I'd take him out and we'd go for a drag,1mfgpu,51,Once I had a dog...,"['dog', 'name', 'marlboro', 'leg', 'sometimes', 'take', 'go', 'drag']",['dog'],"['dog', 'name', 'marlboro', 'leg', 'sometimes', 'take', 'go', 'drag', 'dog']",9
"When he eats his first Brownie

",2sb1w9,51,When does a Cub become a Boy-Scout?,"['eats', 'first', 'brownie']","['cub', 'become']","['eats', 'first', 'brownie', 'cub', 'become']",5
"A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, ""My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks."" The pickle says, ""That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life."" So the penis says, ""What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up",2oi2ja,51,"A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis at bar...","['cucumber', 'pickle', 'penis', 'sitting', 'bar', 'complaining', 'life', 'cucumber', 'say', 'life', 'suck', 'put', 'salad', 'top', 'pour', 'ranch', 'dressing', 'life', 'suck', 'pickle', 'say', 'nothing', 'compared', 'life', 'put', 'vinegar', 'stored', 'away', 'month', 'sight', 'man', 'life', 'boring', 'hate', 'life', 'penis', 'say', 'guy', 'complaining', 'life', 'messed', 'feel', 'like', 'shooting', 'constantly', 'wrap', 'plastic', 'bag', 'shove', 'cave', 'make', 'throw']","['cucumber', 'pickle', 'penis', 'bar']","['cucumber', 'pickle', 'penis', 'sitting', 'bar', 'complaining', 'life', 'cucumber', 'say', 'life', 'suck', 'put', 'salad', 'top', 'pour', 'ranch', 'dressing', 'life', 'suck', 'pickle', 'say', 'nothing', 'compared', 'life', 'put', 'vinegar', 'stored', 'away', 'month', 'sight', 'man', 'life', 'boring', 'hate', 'life', 'penis', 'say', 'guy', 'complaining', 'life', 'messed', 'feel', 'like', 'shooting', 'constantly', 'wrap', 'plastic', 'bag', 'shove', 'cave', 'make', 'throw', 'cucumber', 'pickle', 'penis', 'bar']",56
A tooth fairy,2bsduq,51,What do you call a gay dentist?,"['tooth', 'fairy']","['call', 'gay', 'dentist']","['tooth', 'fairy', 'call', 'gay', 'dentist']",5
Anybody know what 'ternative' means?,3f7x33,51,"My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative'","['anybody', 'know', 'mean']","['girlfriend', 'text']","['anybody', 'know', 'mean', 'girlfriend', 'text']",5
"One morning before daybreak, Little Johnny scatters out onto the front porch with a handful of duck tape. He's stopped by his grandfather, who rests comfortably on an old rocking chair... his usual morning leisure. The grandfather notices the duck tape... 

 

""Whatcha doin' with that duck tape, boy?""
The boy answers, ""Gonna catch me some ducks of course.""

He skips along and the old man chuckles himself back into his chair... ""That boy's a damn fool..."" he mutters, ""... a damn fool."" 

 

But low and behold, three hours later, the old man bites his words. The boy did return and under each arm were two, young ducklings. The old man is bewildered. ""Welp, you proved me wrong son! Shame on me to doubt my own grandson."" 

 

Next day, just before sunrise, same thing happens again. Little Johnny runs out of the house with a bundle of chicken wire.

 

""What do you have this time? Chicken wire?"" says the old man, ""You gonna catch some chickens?""
 
""I'm gonna try!"" says the boy. And he scurries along into the fields. 

 

Times goes on and dusk approaches. The old man gets worried as Little Johnny hasn't returned in many hours. Suddenly, through the fallows, he sees a dozen chickens running towards the house, followed by a twelve year old boy with a handful of chickens. ""That son of a bitch did it!"" says the old man. 

Well, on the last day... boy comes out of the house again with a brown paper bag filled with items unknown. 

 

""Oh boy, what do you have there now!"" 
""Pussywillow!"" says the boy. 
The old man jolts up and shouts, ""Hold on let me get my hat I'm coming with ya'!""",4fkxmf,51,"Heard this on the radio... told many times, but probably my favorite joke.","['one', 'morning', 'daybreak', 'little', 'johnny', 'scatter', 'onto', 'front', 'porch', 'handful', 'duck', 'tape', 'stopped', 'grandfather', 'rest', 'comfortably', 'old', 'rocking', 'chair', 'usual', 'morning', 'leisure', 'grandfather', 'notice', 'duck', 'tape', 'nbsp', 'whatcha', 'doin', 'duck', 'tape', 'boy', 'boy', 'answer', 'gon', 'na', 'catch', 'duck', 'course', 'skip', 'along', 'old', 'man', 'chuckle', 'back', 'chair', 'boy', 'damn', 'fool', 'mutter', 'damn', 'fool', 'nbsp', 'low', 'behold', 'three', 'hour', 'later', 'old', 'man', 'bite', 'word', 'boy', 'return', 'arm', 'two', 'young', 'duckling', 'old', 'man', 'bewildered', 'welp', 'proved', 'wrong', 'son', 'shame', 'doubt', 'grandson', 'nbsp', 'next', 'day', 'sunrise', 'thing', 'happens', 'little', 'johnny', 'run', 'house', 'bundle', 'chicken', 'wire', 'nbsp', 'time', 'chicken', 'wire', 'say', 'old', 'man', 'gon', 'na', 'catch', 'chicken', 'nbsp', 'gon', 'na', 'try', 'say', 'boy', 'scurry', 'along', 'field', 'nbsp', 'time', 'go', 'dusk', 'approach', 'old', 'man', 'get', 'worried', 'little', 'johnny', 'returned', 'many', 'hour', 'suddenly', 'fallow', 'see', 'dozen', 'chicken', 'running', 'towards', 'house', 'followed', 'twelve', 'year', 'old', 'boy', 'handful', 'chicken', 'son', 'bitch', 'say', 'old', 'man', 'well', 'last', 'day', 'boy', 'come', 'house', 'brown', 'paper', 'bag', 'filled', 'item', 'unknown', 'nbsp', 'oh', 'boy', 'pussywillow', 'say', 'boy', 'old', 'man', 'jolt', 'shout', 'hold', 'let', 'get', 'hat', 'coming', 'ya']","['heard', 'radio', 'told', 'many', 'time', 'probably', 'favorite', 'joke']","['one', 'morning', 'daybreak', 'little', 'johnny', 'scatter', 'onto', 'front', 'porch', 'handful', 'duck', 'tape', 'stopped', 'grandfather', 'rest', 'comfortably', 'old', 'rocking', 'chair', 'usual', 'morning', 'leisure', 'grandfather', 'notice', 'duck', 'tape', 'nbsp', 'whatcha', 'doin', 'duck', 'tape', 'boy', 'boy', 'answer', 'gon', 'na', 'catch', 'duck', 'course', 'skip', 'along', 'old', 'man', 'chuckle', 'back', 'chair', 'boy', 'damn', 'fool', 'mutter', 'damn', 'fool', 'nbsp', 'low', 'behold', 'three', 'hour', 'later', 'old', 'man', 'bite', 'word', 'boy', 'return', 'arm', 'two', 'young', 'duckling', 'old', 'man', 'bewildered', 'welp', 'proved', 'wrong', 'son', 'shame', 'doubt', 'grandson', 'nbsp', 'next', 'day', 'sunrise', 'thing', 'happens', 'little', 'johnny', 'run', 'house', 'bundle', 'chicken', 'wire', 'nbsp', 'time', 'chicken', 'wire', 'say', 'old', 'man', 'gon', 'na', 'catch', 'chicken', 'nbsp', 'gon', 'na', 'try', 'say', 'boy', 'scurry', 'along', 'field', 'nbsp', 'time', 'go', 'dusk', 'approach', 'old', 'man', 'get', 'worried', 'little', 'johnny', 'returned', 'many', 'hour', 'suddenly', 'fallow', 'see', 'dozen', 'chicken', 'running', 'towards', 'house', 'followed', 'twelve', 'year', 'old', 'boy', 'handful', 'chicken', 'son', 'bitch', 'say', 'old', 'man', 'well', 'last', 'day', 'boy', 'come', 'house', 'brown', 'paper', 'bag', 'filled', 'item', 'unknown', 'nbsp', 'oh', 'boy', 'pussywillow', 'say', 'boy', 'old', 'man', 'jolt', 'shout', 'hold', 'let', 'get', 'hat', 'coming', 'ya', 'heard', 'radio', 'told', 'many', 'time', 'probably', 'favorite', 'joke']",181
None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.,2znl3s,51,How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?,"['none', 'sit', 'dark', 'blame', 'jew']","['many', 'arab', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']","['none', 'sit', 'dark', 'blame', 'jew', 'many', 'arab', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']",11
"...so, Happy gets out.",2kc3xg,51,"The seven dwarves are sitting in the bathtub, feeling happy...","['happy', 'get']","['seven', 'dwarf', 'sitting', 'bathtub', 'feeling', 'happy']","['happy', 'get', 'seven', 'dwarf', 'sitting', 'bathtub', 'feeling', 'happy']",8
"3 mothers are sitting around the coffee table after their daughters have gone to school.
The first mother who is brunette says, ""This morning I was looking in my daughters room and guess what I found? A bottle of alcohol, I cant believe my daughter is drinking!"".

The next mother who is a redhead says, ""Well guess what, I was looking through my daughters room and guess what I found? Cigarettes! I didnt know my daughter was smoking"".

The third mother, who was a blonde says, ""Well get this! I was looking through my daughters room and I found a condom! I had no idea my daughter had a penis.""",1p5j1w,51,3 Mothers sitting around a coffee table.,"['mother', 'sitting', 'around', 'coffee', 'table', 'daughter', 'gone', 'school', 'first', 'mother', 'brunette', 'say', 'morning', 'looking', 'daughter', 'room', 'guess', 'found', 'bottle', 'alcohol', 'cant', 'believe', 'daughter', 'drinking', 'next', 'mother', 'redhead', 'say', 'well', 'guess', 'looking', 'daughter', 'room', 'guess', 'found', 'cigarette', 'didnt', 'know', 'daughter', 'smoking', 'third', 'mother', 'blonde', 'say', 'well', 'get', 'looking', 'daughter', 'room', 'found', 'condom', 'idea', 'daughter', 'penis']","['mother', 'sitting', 'around', 'coffee', 'table']","['mother', 'sitting', 'around', 'coffee', 'table', 'daughter', 'gone', 'school', 'first', 'mother', 'brunette', 'say', 'morning', 'looking', 'daughter', 'room', 'guess', 'found', 'bottle', 'alcohol', 'cant', 'believe', 'daughter', 'drinking', 'next', 'mother', 'redhead', 'say', 'well', 'guess', 'looking', 'daughter', 'room', 'guess', 'found', 'cigarette', 'didnt', 'know', 'daughter', 'smoking', 'third', 'mother', 'blonde', 'say', 'well', 'get', 'looking', 'daughter', 'room', 'found', 'condom', 'idea', 'daughter', 'penis', 'mother', 'sitting', 'around', 'coffee', 'table']",59
Inertia.,1m0sdr,51,Why did Princess Diana cross the road?,['inertia'],"['princess', 'diana', 'cross', 'road']","['inertia', 'princess', 'diana', 'cross', 'road']",5
"""How about letting me have one of your women for awhile?"" a pilgrim asked an Indian chief.

""That depends,"" the chief said, ""How much money do you have?""

""I don't have a wooded nickel to my name,"" the pilgrim replied, ""All I have is a bag of corn.""

The chief accepted the corn and led the pilgrim into a teepee, where he found a beautiful Indian women who offered him her backside.

Flustered, the pilgrim asked for her vagina.

""No,"" she replied, ""That's my money hole. You get my corn hole.""",2duaz5,51,"""Cornhole""","['letting', 'one', 'woman', 'awhile', 'pilgrim', 'asked', 'indian', 'chief', 'depends', 'chief', 'said', 'much', 'money', 'wooded', 'nickel', 'name', 'pilgrim', 'replied', 'bag', 'corn', 'chief', 'accepted', 'corn', 'led', 'pilgrim', 'teepee', 'found', 'beautiful', 'indian', 'woman', 'offered', 'backside', 'flustered', 'pilgrim', 'asked', 'vagina', 'replied', 'money', 'hole', 'get', 'corn', 'hole']",['cornhole'],"['letting', 'one', 'woman', 'awhile', 'pilgrim', 'asked', 'indian', 'chief', 'depends', 'chief', 'said', 'much', 'money', 'wooded', 'nickel', 'name', 'pilgrim', 'replied', 'bag', 'corn', 'chief', 'accepted', 'corn', 'led', 'pilgrim', 'teepee', 'found', 'beautiful', 'indian', 'woman', 'offered', 'backside', 'flustered', 'pilgrim', 'asked', 'vagina', 'replied', 'money', 'hole', 'get', 'corn', 'hole', 'cornhole']",43
"doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.

The day was really quite beautiful, 
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful 
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.


Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking, 
I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; 
and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, 
""It might be nice to have another child.""

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, 
""You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.""

I rest my case.",4me94z,51,"I mowed the lawn today, and after","['sat', 'cold', 'soda', 'day', 'really', 'quite', 'beautiful', 'drink', 'facilitated', 'deep', 'thinking', 'various', 'topic', 'finally', 'thought', 'age', 'old', 'question', 'giving', 'birth', 'painful', 'getting', 'kicked', 'nut', 'woman', 'always', 'maintain', 'giving', 'birth', 'way', 'painful', 'guy', 'getting', 'kicked', 'nut', 'well', 'another', 'soda', 'heavy', 'deductive', 'thinking', 'come', 'answer', 'question', 'getting', 'kicked', 'nut', 'painful', 'baby', 'reason', 'conclusion', 'year', 'giving', 'birth', 'woman', 'often', 'say', 'might', 'nice', 'another', 'child', 'hand', 'never', 'hear', 'guy', 'say', 'know', 'think', 'would', 'like', 'another', 'kick', 'nut', 'rest', 'case']","['mowed', 'lawn', 'today']","['sat', 'cold', 'soda', 'day', 'really', 'quite', 'beautiful', 'drink', 'facilitated', 'deep', 'thinking', 'various', 'topic', 'finally', 'thought', 'age', 'old', 'question', 'giving', 'birth', 'painful', 'getting', 'kicked', 'nut', 'woman', 'always', 'maintain', 'giving', 'birth', 'way', 'painful', 'guy', 'getting', 'kicked', 'nut', 'well', 'another', 'soda', 'heavy', 'deductive', 'thinking', 'come', 'answer', 'question', 'getting', 'kicked', 'nut', 'painful', 'baby', 'reason', 'conclusion', 'year', 'giving', 'birth', 'woman', 'often', 'say', 'might', 'nice', 'another', 'child', 'hand', 'never', 'hear', 'guy', 'say', 'know', 'think', 'would', 'like', 'another', 'kick', 'nut', 'rest', 'case', 'mowed', 'lawn', 'today']",78
which this post is too short to contain,3u34qu,51,I have developed a truly marvellous demonstration of Fermat's last theorem ...,"['post', 'short', 'contain']","['developed', 'truly', 'marvellous', 'demonstration', 'fermat', 'last', 'theorem']","['post', 'short', 'contain', 'developed', 'truly', 'marvellous', 'demonstration', 'fermat', 'last', 'theorem']",10
"When I was a boy, my mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I'd come back with 2 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a large chunk of cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that nowadays.

Too many fucking security cameras.",4cwciv,51,A grandad remembers the good old days,"['boy', 'mom', 'would', 'send', 'corner', 'store', 'come', 'back', 'bag', 'potato', 'loaf', 'bread', 'bottle', 'milk', 'large', 'chunk', 'cheese', 'egg', 'ca', 'nowadays', 'many', 'fucking', 'security', 'camera']","['grandad', 'remembers', 'good', 'old', 'day']","['boy', 'mom', 'would', 'send', 'corner', 'store', 'come', 'back', 'bag', 'potato', 'loaf', 'bread', 'bottle', 'milk', 'large', 'chunk', 'cheese', 'egg', 'ca', 'nowadays', 'many', 'fucking', 'security', 'camera', 'grandad', 'remembers', 'good', 'old', 'day']",29
"Neither one, you know I just like you",4lvydy,51,"The wike asks his husband: Honey, what do you prefer? A beautiful woman or an intelligent woman?","['neither', 'one', 'know', 'like']","['wike', 'asks', 'husband', 'honey', 'prefer', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'intelligent', 'woman']","['neither', 'one', 'know', 'like', 'wike', 'asks', 'husband', 'honey', 'prefer', 'beautiful', 'woman', 'intelligent', 'woman']",13
Because he couldn't Mufasa!,1qqnjl,51,Why did Simba's father die?,"['could', 'mufasa']","['simba', 'father', 'die']","['could', 'mufasa', 'simba', 'father', 'die']",5
"When it finally happened, he was beside himself.",1lk9o4,51,Did you hear about the man who spent his whole life trying to perfect cloning technology?,"['finally', 'happened', 'beside']","['hear', 'man', 'spent', 'whole', 'life', 'trying', 'perfect', 'cloning', 'technology']","['finally', 'happened', 'beside', 'hear', 'man', 'spent', 'whole', 'life', 'trying', 'perfect', 'cloning', 'technology']",12
Why does he keep drawing pictures of my parents fighting?,3qprrf,51,I don't know who this Rorschach guy is but.....,"['keep', 'drawing', 'picture', 'parent', 'fighting']","['know', 'rorschach', 'guy']","['keep', 'drawing', 'picture', 'parent', 'fighting', 'know', 'rorschach', 'guy']",8
None. That's a hardware problem. ,2tbcom,51,How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?,"['none', 'hardware', 'problem']","['many', 'software', 'engineer', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']","['none', 'hardware', 'problem', 'many', 'software', 'engineer', 'take', 'change', 'light', 'bulb']",10
"A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: ""I have lost my sense of taste.""
Chinese: ""Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.""
Lawyer: ""Ugh. this is kerosene.""
Chinese: ""Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.""
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: ""I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.""
Chinese: ""Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.""
Lawyer (annoyed): ""This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.""
Chinese: ""Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.""
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: ""My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.""
Chinese: ""Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100.""
Lawyer (staring at the note): ""But this is $20, not $100!!""
Chinese: ""Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20""
You can't beat Chinese Doctors",45yg2k,51,Chinese Doctor,"['chinese', 'doctor', 'ca', 'find', 'job', 'hospital', 'u', 'open', 'clinic', 'put', 'sign', 'outside', 'treatment', 'cured', 'get', 'back', 'american', 'lawyer', 'think', 'great', 'opportunity', 'earn', 'go', 'clinic', 'lawyer', 'lost', 'sense', 'taste', 'chinese', 'nurse', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'patient', 'mouth', 'lawyer', 'ugh', 'kerosene', 'chinese', 'congrats', 'sense', 'taste', 'restored', 'give', 'annoyed', 'lawyer', 'go', 'back', 'day', 'recover', 'money', 'lawyer', 'lost', 'memory', 'remember', 'anything', 'chinese', 'nurse', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'mouth', 'lawyer', 'annoyed', 'kerosene', 'gave', 'last', 'time', 'restoring', 'taste', 'chinese', 'congrats', 'got', 'memory', 'back', 'give', 'fuming', 'lawyer', 'pay', 'come', 'back', 'week', 'later', 'determined', 'get', 'back', 'lawyer', 'eyesight', 'become', 'weak', 'ca', 'see', 'chinese', 'well', 'medicine', 'take', 'lawyer', 'staring', 'note', 'chinese', 'congrats', 'eyesight', 'restored', 'give', 'ca', 'beat', 'chinese', 'doctor']","['chinese', 'doctor']","['chinese', 'doctor', 'ca', 'find', 'job', 'hospital', 'u', 'open', 'clinic', 'put', 'sign', 'outside', 'treatment', 'cured', 'get', 'back', 'american', 'lawyer', 'think', 'great', 'opportunity', 'earn', 'go', 'clinic', 'lawyer', 'lost', 'sense', 'taste', 'chinese', 'nurse', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'patient', 'mouth', 'lawyer', 'ugh', 'kerosene', 'chinese', 'congrats', 'sense', 'taste', 'restored', 'give', 'annoyed', 'lawyer', 'go', 'back', 'day', 'recover', 'money', 'lawyer', 'lost', 'memory', 'remember', 'anything', 'chinese', 'nurse', 'bring', 'medicine', 'box', 'put', 'drop', 'mouth', 'lawyer', 'annoyed', 'kerosene', 'gave', 'last', 'time', 'restoring', 'taste', 'chinese', 'congrats', 'got', 'memory', 'back', 'give', 'fuming', 'lawyer', 'pay', 'come', 'back', 'week', 'later', 'determined', 'get', 'back', 'lawyer', 'eyesight', 'become', 'weak', 'ca', 'see', 'chinese', 'well', 'medicine', 'take', 'lawyer', 'staring', 'note', 'chinese', 'congrats', 'eyesight', 'restored', 'give', 'ca', 'beat', 'chinese', 'doctor', 'chinese', 'doctor']",114
"He said ""Thanks for the phone charger, son.""",3amugk,51,"For fathers day, I bought my dad a $100 gift card to the Apple Store...","['said', 'thanks', 'phone', 'charger', 'son']","['father', 'day', 'bought', 'dad', 'gift', 'card', 'apple', 'store']","['said', 'thanks', 'phone', 'charger', 'son', 'father', 'day', 'bought', 'dad', 'gift', 'card', 'apple', 'store']",13
".........................................................................................
.



.....

..BERNADETTE!!!!!!",2cut4e,51,What do you call a guy who's laying down in front of a door?...Matt. What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?... Bob. What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?...Art. What do you call a gal who you owe money to that you set on fire?...,['bernadette'],"['call', 'guy', 'laying', 'front', 'door', 'matt', 'call', 'guy', 'floating', 'water', 'bob', 'call', 'guy', 'leaning', 'wall', 'art', 'call', 'gal', 'owe', 'money', 'set', 'fire']","['bernadette', 'call', 'guy', 'laying', 'front', 'door', 'matt', 'call', 'guy', 'floating', 'water', 'bob', 'call', 'guy', 'leaning', 'wall', 'art', 'call', 'gal', 'owe', 'money', 'set', 'fire']",23
"Once upon a time there was a competition in Japan to decide who would be the new head samurai. There were 3 contestants, A Jewish Samurai, and Christian Samurai, and a Muslim Samurai. The emperor of Japan says to the Muslim Samurai to go first, so, The Muslim Samurai spots a bee and slices it clean in half. Next, the emperor asks the Christian Samurai to go. The Christian Samurai spots another bee and slices the bee's wings clean off. Finally, The emperor asks the Jewish Samurai to go. The Jewish Samurai spots a bee and slashes quickly through the air, but it seems like no visible damage has been done to the bee. 
The emperor says ""You clearly have missed, the bee is alive and flying well""
And the Jewish Samurai responds ""Of course the bee is fine, circumcision isn't fatal"".",4ljekm,51,A Jewish Samurai [Long],"['upon', 'time', 'competition', 'japan', 'decide', 'would', 'new', 'head', 'samurai', 'contestant', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'christian', 'samurai', 'muslim', 'samurai', 'emperor', 'japan', 'say', 'muslim', 'samurai', 'go', 'first', 'muslim', 'samurai', 'spot', 'bee', 'slice', 'clean', 'half', 'next', 'emperor', 'asks', 'christian', 'samurai', 'go', 'christian', 'samurai', 'spot', 'another', 'bee', 'slice', 'bee', 'wing', 'clean', 'finally', 'emperor', 'asks', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'go', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'spot', 'bee', 'slash', 'quickly', 'air', 'seems', 'like', 'visible', 'damage', 'done', 'bee', 'emperor', 'say', 'clearly', 'missed', 'bee', 'alive', 'flying', 'well', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'responds', 'course', 'bee', 'fine', 'circumcision', 'fatal']","['jewish', 'samurai', 'long']","['upon', 'time', 'competition', 'japan', 'decide', 'would', 'new', 'head', 'samurai', 'contestant', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'christian', 'samurai', 'muslim', 'samurai', 'emperor', 'japan', 'say', 'muslim', 'samurai', 'go', 'first', 'muslim', 'samurai', 'spot', 'bee', 'slice', 'clean', 'half', 'next', 'emperor', 'asks', 'christian', 'samurai', 'go', 'christian', 'samurai', 'spot', 'another', 'bee', 'slice', 'bee', 'wing', 'clean', 'finally', 'emperor', 'asks', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'go', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'spot', 'bee', 'slash', 'quickly', 'air', 'seems', 'like', 'visible', 'damage', 'done', 'bee', 'emperor', 'say', 'clearly', 'missed', 'bee', 'alive', 'flying', 'well', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'responds', 'course', 'bee', 'fine', 'circumcision', 'fatal', 'jewish', 'samurai', 'long']",83
How stupid is the question?,4kxvln,51,If Trump is the answer....,"['stupid', 'question']","['trump', 'answer']","['stupid', 'question', 'trump', 'answer']",4
"I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance. 

I couldn't get pasta.  ",25sl8f,51,Italian restaurant.,"['went', 'local', 'italian', 'restaurant', 'last', 'night', 'large', 'fat', 'woman', 'standing', 'entrance', 'could', 'get', 'pasta']","['italian', 'restaurant']","['went', 'local', 'italian', 'restaurant', 'last', 'night', 'large', 'fat', 'woman', 'standing', 'entrance', 'could', 'get', 'pasta', 'italian', 'restaurant']",16
"I used to like tractors, but I don't anymore.",28yh9z,51,Want to hear my impression of an extractor fan?,"['used', 'like', 'tractor', 'anymore']","['want', 'hear', 'impression', 'extractor', 'fan']","['used', 'like', 'tractor', 'anymore', 'want', 'hear', 'impression', 'extractor', 'fan']",9
"""You are the father of 2 children,"" the fortune teller says. ""That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!,"" says the man. ""That's what you think,"" says the fortune teller.",4gcd7m,51,A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller.....,"['father', 'child', 'fortune', 'teller', 'say', 'think', 'father', 'child', 'say', 'man', 'think', 'say', 'fortune', 'teller']","['skeptic', 'go', 'see', 'fortune', 'teller']","['father', 'child', 'fortune', 'teller', 'say', 'think', 'father', 'child', 'say', 'man', 'think', 'say', 'fortune', 'teller', 'skeptic', 'go', 'see', 'fortune', 'teller']",19
Because it's made of hide.,4pt68u,51,Why do rogues wear leather armoe?,"['made', 'hide']","['rogue', 'wear', 'leather', 'armoe']","['made', 'hide', 'rogue', 'wear', 'leather', 'armoe']",6
"
Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle in different areas of town.

Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose ""I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?""

Jose says, ""Look at your sign, what does it say""?

Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and six kids to support'.""

Jose says "" No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.""

Carlos says... ""So what does your sign say""?

Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, ""I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico

 
",3b43ny,51,The Panhandlers,"['jose', 'carlos', 'panhandler', 'panhandle', 'different', 'area', 'town', 'carlos', 'panhandle', 'long', 'jose', 'collect', 'dollar', 'every', 'day', 'jose', 'brings', 'home', 'suitcase', 'full', 'bill', 'drive', 'mercedes', 'life', 'mortgage', 'free', 'house', 'lot', 'money', 'spend', 'carlos', 'say', 'jose', 'work', 'long', 'hard', 'bring', 'home', 'suitcase', 'full', 'bill', 'every', 'day', 'jose', 'say', 'look', 'sign', 'say', 'carlos', 'sign', 'read', 'work', 'wife', 'six', 'kid', 'support', 'jose', 'say', 'wonder', 'get', 'dollar', 'carlos', 'say', 'sign', 'say', 'jose', 'show', 'carlos', 'sign', 'read', 'need', 'another', 'move', 'back', 'mexico']",['panhandler'],"['jose', 'carlos', 'panhandler', 'panhandle', 'different', 'area', 'town', 'carlos', 'panhandle', 'long', 'jose', 'collect', 'dollar', 'every', 'day', 'jose', 'brings', 'home', 'suitcase', 'full', 'bill', 'drive', 'mercedes', 'life', 'mortgage', 'free', 'house', 'lot', 'money', 'spend', 'carlos', 'say', 'jose', 'work', 'long', 'hard', 'bring', 'home', 'suitcase', 'full', 'bill', 'every', 'day', 'jose', 'say', 'look', 'sign', 'say', 'carlos', 'sign', 'read', 'work', 'wife', 'six', 'kid', 'support', 'jose', 'say', 'wonder', 'get', 'dollar', 'carlos', 'say', 'sign', 'say', 'jose', 'show', 'carlos', 'sign', 'read', 'need', 'another', 'move', 'back', 'mexico', 'panhandler']",76
"He picks the dog up by the tail and starts swinging it in a circle over his head.  The bartender says, ""What the hell are you doing?""  The blind man says, ""Oh, just takin' a look around.""",22av4l,51,A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog.,"['pick', 'dog', 'tail', 'start', 'swinging', 'circle', 'head', 'bartender', 'say', 'hell', 'blind', 'man', 'say', 'oh', 'takin', 'look', 'around']","['blind', 'man', 'walk', 'bar', 'dog']","['pick', 'dog', 'tail', 'start', 'swinging', 'circle', 'head', 'bartender', 'say', 'hell', 'blind', 'man', 'say', 'oh', 'takin', 'look', 'around', 'blind', 'man', 'walk', 'bar', 'dog']",22
FREEDOM RINGS,27z1oc,51,Why don't Americans get knock knock jokes?,"['freedom', 'ring']","['american', 'get', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke']","['freedom', 'ring', 'american', 'get', 'knock', 'knock', 'joke']",7
I burned my hand on the stove.,2jpc4m,51,I got a black girlfriend now.,"['burned', 'hand', 'stove']","['got', 'black', 'girlfriend']","['burned', 'hand', 'stove', 'got', 'black', 'girlfriend']",6
"And the first one says, ""Table for three please.""",2enx9p,51,5 black people walk into a restaurant...,"['first', 'one', 'say', 'table', 'three', 'please']","['black', 'people', 'walk', 'restaurant']","['first', 'one', 'say', 'table', 'three', 'please', 'black', 'people', 'walk', 'restaurant']",10
"GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.",2sqibr,51,What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?,"['glove', 'nah', 'kidding', 'still', 'unwrapped', 'present']","['boy', 'hand', 'get', 'christmas']","['glove', 'nah', 'kidding', 'still', 'unwrapped', 'present', 'boy', 'hand', 'get', 'christmas']",10
"...then a table, then a chair, then another chair...",1jimzg,51,A blind guy walks into a bar...,"['table', 'chair', 'another', 'chair']","['blind', 'guy', 'walk', 'bar']","['table', 'chair', 'another', 'chair', 'blind', 'guy', 'walk', 'bar']",8
They make up everything.,4ge0u7,51,Why should you not trust atoms?,"['make', 'everything']","['trust', 'atom']","['make', 'everything', 'trust', 'atom']",4
"A guy wants to buy a new Harley to impress his new girlfriend, (she wants him to impress her parents when he meets them for the first time) so he heads down to the dealership and picks out the one he has been looking at for weeks. The dealer tells him that the chrome is brand new, so to combat rust, he is going to need to apply a layer of Vaseline to the chrome for the next few weeks whenever it rains. He hands the boyfriend a complimentary tube of the gel to get him started.

He picks up the bike, heads over to pick up his girlfriend, and then they make their way to her parent's house. On arrival, she stops him and says, ""honey, we have only one rule at dinner tonight. Whoever speaks first at dinner has to do the dishes."" He says ""no problem,"" and they head inside. 

As they enter the front door, he realizes how big of a task this is going to be. There are dishes EVERYWHERE. Stacked in the foyer, hallways, kitchen, and the dining room are dishes of every shape and size from the floor to the ceiling. He thinks ""holy shit...I'm not saying a word!"" The parents are already waiting for them at the table with dinner ready, so they sit down.

As they sit in awkward silence eating their meal, the boyfriend starts to wonder how far he can push this silence rule before it breaks. He reaches over and grabs his girlfriend's breast, but the parents say nothing. He takes it a step further and proceeds to strip her naked right there at the table. Not a word. He bends her over the table, and fucks her right in front of them. After he finishes, he thinks that there has to be a way to get someone to talk. 

He jumps across the table, bends the mother over, and  fucks her right there in front of God and everyone else.  While the dad has a furious look on his face, and the girlfriend a shocked looks on hers, nobody speaks. The boyfriend is shocked. ""What the fuck do I have to do,"" he thinks.

Just then, he looks out the window, and sees a spatter of rain start to fall. He runs over to his pants, pulls out the tube of Vaseline that the salesman gave him earlier that day, and the father exclaims, ""ALLRIGHT, ALLRIGHT, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!""",2t4u1k,51,A guy wants to buy a new Harley...,"['guy', 'want', 'buy', 'new', 'harley', 'impress', 'new', 'girlfriend', 'want', 'impress', 'parent', 'meet', 'first', 'time', 'head', 'dealership', 'pick', 'one', 'looking', 'week', 'dealer', 'tell', 'chrome', 'brand', 'new', 'combat', 'rust', 'going', 'need', 'apply', 'layer', 'vaseline', 'chrome', 'next', 'week', 'whenever', 'rain', 'hand', 'boyfriend', 'complimentary', 'tube', 'gel', 'get', 'started', 'pick', 'bike', 'head', 'pick', 'girlfriend', 'make', 'way', 'parent', 'house', 'arrival', 'stop', 'say', 'honey', 'one', 'rule', 'dinner', 'tonight', 'whoever', 'speaks', 'first', 'dinner', 'dish', 'say', 'problem', 'head', 'inside', 'enter', 'front', 'door', 'realizes', 'big', 'task', 'going', 'dish', 'everywhere', 'stacked', 'foyer', 'hallway', 'kitchen', 'dining', 'room', 'dish', 'every', 'shape', 'size', 'floor', 'ceiling', 'think', 'holy', 'shit', 'saying', 'word', 'parent', 'already', 'waiting', 'table', 'dinner', 'ready', 'sit', 'sit', 'awkward', 'silence', 'eating', 'meal', 'boyfriend', 'start', 'wonder', 'far', 'push', 'silence', 'rule', 'break', 'reach', 'grab', 'girlfriend', 'breast', 'parent', 'say', 'nothing', 'take', 'step', 'proceeds', 'strip', 'naked', 'right', 'table', 'word', 'bend', 'table', 'fuck', 'right', 'front', 'finish', 'think', 'way', 'get', 'someone', 'talk', 'jump', 'across', 'table', 'bend', 'mother', 'fuck', 'right', 'front', 'god', 'everyone', 'else', 'dad', 'furious', 'look', 'face', 'girlfriend', 'shocked', 'look', 'nobody', 'speaks', 'boyfriend', 'shocked', 'fuck', 'think', 'look', 'window', 'see', 'spatter', 'rain', 'start', 'fall', 'run', 'pant', 'pull', 'tube', 'vaseline', 'salesman', 'gave', 'earlier', 'day', 'father', 'exclaims', 'allright', 'allright', 'fucking', 'dish']","['guy', 'want', 'buy', 'new', 'harley']","['guy', 'want', 'buy', 'new', 'harley', 'impress', 'new', 'girlfriend', 'want', 'impress', 'parent', 'meet', 'first', 'time', 'head', 'dealership', 'pick', 'one', 'looking', 'week', 'dealer', 'tell', 'chrome', 'brand', 'new', 'combat', 'rust', 'going', 'need', 'apply', 'layer', 'vaseline', 'chrome', 'next', 'week', 'whenever', 'rain', 'hand', 'boyfriend', 'complimentary', 'tube', 'gel', 'get', 'started', 'pick', 'bike', 'head', 'pick', 'girlfriend', 'make', 'way', 'parent', 'house', 'arrival', 'stop', 'say', 'honey', 'one', 'rule', 'dinner', 'tonight', 'whoever', 'speaks', 'first', 'dinner', 'dish', 'say', 'problem', 'head', 'inside', 'enter', 'front', 'door', 'realizes', 'big', 'task', 'going', 'dish', 'everywhere', 'stacked', 'foyer', 'hallway', 'kitchen', 'dining', 'room', 'dish', 'every', 'shape', 'size', 'floor', 'ceiling', 'think', 'holy', 'shit', 'saying', 'word', 'parent', 'already', 'waiting', 'table', 'dinner', 'ready', 'sit', 'sit', 'awkward', 'silence', 'eating', 'meal', 'boyfriend', 'start', 'wonder', 'far', 'push', 'silence', 'rule', 'break', 'reach', 'grab', 'girlfriend', 'breast', 'parent', 'say', 'nothing', 'take', 'step', 'proceeds', 'strip', 'naked', 'right', 'table', 'word', 'bend', 'table', 'fuck', 'right', 'front', 'finish', 'think', 'way', 'get', 'someone', 'talk', 'jump', 'across', 'table', 'bend', 'mother', 'fuck', 'right', 'front', 'god', 'everyone', 'else', 'dad', 'furious', 'look', 'face', 'girlfriend', 'shocked', 'look', 'nobody', 'speaks', 'boyfriend', 'shocked', 'fuck', 'think', 'look', 'window', 'see', 'spatter', 'rain', 'start', 'fall', 'run', 'pant', 'pull', 'tube', 'vaseline', 'salesman', 'gave', 'earlier', 'day', 'father', 'exclaims', 'allright', 'allright', 'fucking', 'dish', 'guy', 'want', 'buy', 'new', 'harley']",193
I think they were called the Lincoln Logs.,3o46bn,51,Did you know that the 16th presidency had the best records kept?,"['think', 'called', 'lincoln', 'log']","['know', 'presidency', 'best', 'record', 'kept']","['think', 'called', 'lincoln', 'log', 'know', 'presidency', 'best', 'record', 'kept']",9
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it,4yytr8,51,What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?,"['pair', 'jean', 'one', 'fly']","['difference', 'pair', 'jean', 'ethiopian']","['pair', 'jean', 'one', 'fly', 'difference', 'pair', 'jean', 'ethiopian']",8
A wine cellar. ,1oqkt2,51,What do you call a basement full of redditors?,"['wine', 'cellar']","['call', 'basement', 'full', 'redditors']","['wine', 'cellar', 'call', 'basement', 'full', 'redditors']",6
"About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.

A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New York.

At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”",330ecb,51,Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York.,"['hour', 'flight', 'pilot', 'announced', 'lost', 'engine', 'worry', 'three', 'left', 'however', 'instead', 'hour', 'would', 'take', 'hour', 'get', 'new', 'york', 'little', 'later', 'announced', 'second', 'engine', 'failed', 'still', 'two', 'left', 'would', 'take', 'hour', 'get', 'new', 'york', 'somewhat', 'later', 'pilot', 'came', 'intercom', 'announced', 'third', 'engine', 'died', 'never', 'fear', 'announced', 'plane', 'could', 'fly', 'single', 'engine', 'however', 'would', 'take', 'hour', 'get', 'new', 'york', 'point', 'one', 'statistician', 'turned', 'said', 'gee', 'hope', 'lose', 'last', 'engine', 'forever']","['two', 'statistician', 'traveling', 'airplane', 'la', 'new', 'york']","['hour', 'flight', 'pilot', 'announced', 'lost', 'engine', 'worry', 'three', 'left', 'however', 'instead', 'hour', 'would', 'take', 'hour', 'get', 'new', 'york', 'little', 'later', 'announced', 'second', 'engine', 'failed', 'still', 'two', 'left', 'would', 'take', 'hour', 'get', 'new', 'york', 'somewhat', 'later', 'pilot', 'came', 'intercom', 'announced', 'third', 'engine', 'died', 'never', 'fear', 'announced', 'plane', 'could', 'fly', 'single', 'engine', 'however', 'would', 'take', 'hour', 'get', 'new', 'york', 'point', 'one', 'statistician', 'turned', 'said', 'gee', 'hope', 'lose', 'last', 'engine', 'forever', 'two', 'statistician', 'traveling', 'airplane', 'la', 'new', 'york']",75
Because the land doesn't wave back,3jw94y,51,Why is the ocean salty?,"['land', 'wave', 'back']","['ocean', 'salty']","['land', 'wave', 'back', 'ocean', 'salty']",5
"So I was having sex with this chick the other night. She was real freaky. She kept saying ""ahh yeah, fuck me like daddy used to."" It made me very uncomfortable. I mean, why did she have to bring up our father?",30t8l3,51,Daddy Issues,"['sex', 'chick', 'night', 'real', 'freaky', 'kept', 'saying', 'ahh', 'yeah', 'fuck', 'like', 'daddy', 'used', 'made', 'uncomfortable', 'mean', 'bring', 'father']","['daddy', 'issue']","['sex', 'chick', 'night', 'real', 'freaky', 'kept', 'saying', 'ahh', 'yeah', 'fuck', 'like', 'daddy', 'used', 'made', 'uncomfortable', 'mean', 'bring', 'father', 'daddy', 'issue']",20
Space,2vq3si,51,"What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?",['space'],"['dangerous', 'predominantly', 'black', 'area', 'known', 'man']","['space', 'dangerous', 'predominantly', 'black', 'area', 'known', 'man']",7
But then my mother gave birth ,4tb3yi,51,I used to be a man trapped in a woman's body,"['mother', 'gave', 'birth']","['used', 'man', 'trapped', 'woman', 'body']","['mother', 'gave', 'birth', 'used', 'man', 'trapped', 'woman', 'body']",8
"Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, ""So, now you want me to stay?'",2i9zf2,51,BIG FIGHT,"['wife', 'big', 'fight', 'told', 'leave', 'house', 'spite', 'went', 'upstairs', 'packed', 'bag', 'walking', 'stair', 'suitcase', 'hand', 'see', 'waiting', 'foot', 'stair', 'eye', 'level', 'say', 'hope', 'die', 'slow', 'painful', 'death', 'looking', 'eye', 'reply', 'want', 'stay']","['big', 'fight']","['wife', 'big', 'fight', 'told', 'leave', 'house', 'spite', 'went', 'upstairs', 'packed', 'bag', 'walking', 'stair', 'suitcase', 'hand', 'see', 'waiting', 'foot', 'stair', 'eye', 'level', 'say', 'hope', 'die', 'slow', 'painful', 'death', 'looking', 'eye', 'reply', 'want', 'stay', 'big', 'fight']",34
He decided to stick it out for one more year...,4xobym,51,Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?,"['decided', 'stick', 'one', 'year']","['hear', 'flasher', 'thinking', 'retiring']","['decided', 'stick', 'one', 'year', 'hear', 'flasher', 'thinking', 'retiring']",8
"Actually, it's more of a rap.",2xa01j,51,I wrote a song about tortillas.,"['actually', 'rap']","['wrote', 'song', 'tortilla']","['actually', 'rap', 'wrote', 'song', 'tortilla']",5
"Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.",1zbwpd,51,Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?,"['everyone', 'could', 'jump', 'run', 'swim', 'already', 'crossed', 'border']","['mexico', 'olympic', 'team']","['everyone', 'could', 'jump', 'run', 'swim', 'already', 'crossed', 'border', 'mexico', 'olympic', 'team']",11
Is it now a thermostat?,4aywc6,51,"If you get a tattoo of a thermos,",['thermostat'],"['get', 'tattoo', 'thermos']","['thermostat', 'get', 'tattoo', 'thermos']",4
"He passed it with flying colors.




/heyo",2tm7bp,51,How well did Jackson Pollock do in art class?,"['passed', 'flying', 'color']","['well', 'jackson', 'pollock', 'art', 'class']","['passed', 'flying', 'color', 'well', 'jackson', 'pollock', 'art', 'class']",8
Never fired.  Only dropped once.  ,5tqtre,51,For Sale: French WWII Rifle,"['never', 'fired', 'dropped']","['sale', 'french', 'wwii', 'rifle']","['never', 'fired', 'dropped', 'sale', 'french', 'wwii', 'rifle']",7
"The bartender tells the man ""This octopus is really special. You can give it any instrument and it will play it better than any human ever has.""

So the guy needs to test this out. Luckily the bar keeps some instruments on hand for just that purpose. The man grabs a guitar and brings it to the octopus. Sure enough, it plays incredibly, the best guitar-playing the man has ever seen.

The man goes and gets a violin and gives it to the octopus. Again, the octopus plays it amazingly, a virtuoso far beyond anything the man has seen before.

The man has to try one more time. He saw something that surely the octopus would be vexed by -  he grabs a set of bagpipes and brings it to the octopus. The octopus finally seems perplexed, just fiddling around with the bagpipes in confusion. Satisfied, the man says ""Ha! I knew you wouldn't be able to play it!""

The octopus looks at him and says ""Play it? I was gonna fuck it once I got the pajamas off of it."" ",5s8hao,51,A man walks into a bar and finds an octopus sitting on a stool...,"['bartender', 'tell', 'man', 'octopus', 'really', 'special', 'give', 'instrument', 'play', 'better', 'human', 'ever', 'guy', 'need', 'test', 'luckily', 'bar', 'keep', 'instrument', 'hand', 'purpose', 'man', 'grab', 'guitar', 'brings', 'octopus', 'sure', 'enough', 'play', 'incredibly', 'best', 'man', 'ever', 'seen', 'man', 'go', 'get', 'violin', 'give', 'octopus', 'octopus', 'play', 'amazingly', 'virtuoso', 'far', 'beyond', 'anything', 'man', 'seen', 'man', 'try', 'one', 'time', 'saw', 'something', 'surely', 'octopus', 'would', 'vexed', 'grab', 'set', 'bagpipe', 'brings', 'octopus', 'octopus', 'finally', 'seems', 'perplexed', 'fiddling', 'around', 'bagpipe', 'confusion', 'satisfied', 'man', 'say', 'ha', 'knew', 'would', 'able', 'play', 'octopus', 'look', 'say', 'play', 'gon', 'na', 'fuck', 'got', 'pajama']","['man', 'walk', 'bar', 'find', 'octopus', 'sitting', 'stool']","['bartender', 'tell', 'man', 'octopus', 'really', 'special', 'give', 'instrument', 'play', 'better', 'human', 'ever', 'guy', 'need', 'test', 'luckily', 'bar', 'keep', 'instrument', 'hand', 'purpose', 'man', 'grab', 'guitar', 'brings', 'octopus', 'sure', 'enough', 'play', 'incredibly', 'best', 'man', 'ever', 'seen', 'man', 'go', 'get', 'violin', 'give', 'octopus', 'octopus', 'play', 'amazingly', 'virtuoso', 'far', 'beyond', 'anything', 'man', 'seen', 'man', 'try', 'one', 'time', 'saw', 'something', 'surely', 'octopus', 'would', 'vexed', 'grab', 'set', 'bagpipe', 'brings', 'octopus', 'octopus', 'finally', 'seems', 'perplexed', 'fiddling', 'around', 'bagpipe', 'confusion', 'satisfied', 'man', 'say', 'ha', 'knew', 'would', 'able', 'play', 'octopus', 'look', 'say', 'play', 'gon', 'na', 'fuck', 'got', 'pajama', 'man', 'walk', 'bar', 'find', 'octopus', 'sitting', 'stool']",96
"Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. ""How.. did you do that?"", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. ""Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life.""",1b5kbj,51,Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..,"['two', 'zombie', 'start', 'talking', 'past', 'life', 'human', 'main', 'talker', 'rambling', 'would', 'suddenly', 'second', 'start', 'walking', 'around', 'normally', 'stumbling', 'everything', 'first', 'amazed', 'stare', 'asks', 'second', 'realizes', 'stop', 'looking', 'back', 'first', 'oh', 'sorry', 'bored', 'back', 'life']","['two', 'zombie', 'conversation']","['two', 'zombie', 'start', 'talking', 'past', 'life', 'human', 'main', 'talker', 'rambling', 'would', 'suddenly', 'second', 'start', 'walking', 'around', 'normally', 'stumbling', 'everything', 'first', 'amazed', 'stare', 'asks', 'second', 'realizes', 'stop', 'looking', 'back', 'first', 'oh', 'sorry', 'bored', 'back', 'life', 'two', 'zombie', 'conversation']",37
You go on ahead - I'll just hang around.,4m29rs,51,What did the tie say to the hat?,"['go', 'ahead', 'hang', 'around']","['tie', 'say', 'hat']","['go', 'ahead', 'hang', 'around', 'tie', 'say', 'hat']",7
"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's ""I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary"" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is ""Eats shoots and leaves""",366ame,51,A panda walks into a restaurant,"['panda', 'walk', 'restaurant', 'order', 'one', 'everything', 'panda', 'finish', 'meal', 'bill', 'come', 'panda', 'stand', 'shoot', 'waiter', 'manager', 'come', 'back', 'go', 'eaten', 'food', 'shot', 'staff', 'wont', 'even', 'pay', 'bill', 'wrong', 'panda', 'reply', 'panda', 'look', 'dictionary', 'manager', 'go', 'get', 'dictionary', 'look', 'panda', 'definition', 'eats', 'shoot', 'leaf']","['panda', 'walk', 'restaurant']","['panda', 'walk', 'restaurant', 'order', 'one', 'everything', 'panda', 'finish', 'meal', 'bill', 'come', 'panda', 'stand', 'shoot', 'waiter', 'manager', 'come', 'back', 'go', 'eaten', 'food', 'shot', 'staff', 'wont', 'even', 'pay', 'bill', 'wrong', 'panda', 'reply', 'panda', 'look', 'dictionary', 'manager', 'go', 'get', 'dictionary', 'look', 'panda', 'definition', 'eats', 'shoot', 'leaf', 'panda', 'walk', 'restaurant']",46
"The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. 
As they talked the Iranian said, ""I have just one question about what i have seen in America."" The General said, ""well anything i can do to help""
The Iranian whispered, ""my son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is Kirk who is American, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is japanese, but there are no Muslims.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek.
The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador and whispered in his ear, ""That's because it takes place in the future....""",1h6o2f,51,Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?,"['iranian', 'ambassador', 'un', 'finished', 'giving', 'speech', 'walked', 'lobby', 'convention', 'center', 'introduced', 'marine', 'general', 'talked', 'iranian', 'said', 'one', 'question', 'seen', 'america', 'general', 'said', 'well', 'anything', 'help', 'iranian', 'whispered', 'son', 'watch', 'show', 'called', 'star', 'trek', 'kirk', 'american', 'chekhov', 'russian', 'scotty', 'scottish', 'uhura', 'black', 'sulu', 'japanese', 'muslim', 'son', 'upset', 'understand', 'iranian', 'iraqi', 'afghan', 'egyptian', 'palestinian', 'saudi', 'syrian', 'pakistani', 'star', 'trek', 'general', 'laughed', 'leaned', 'toward', 'iranian', 'ambassador', 'whispered', 'ear', 'take', 'place', 'future']","['muslim', 'star', 'trek']","['iranian', 'ambassador', 'un', 'finished', 'giving', 'speech', 'walked', 'lobby', 'convention', 'center', 'introduced', 'marine', 'general', 'talked', 'iranian', 'said', 'one', 'question', 'seen', 'america', 'general', 'said', 'well', 'anything', 'help', 'iranian', 'whispered', 'son', 'watch', 'show', 'called', 'star', 'trek', 'kirk', 'american', 'chekhov', 'russian', 'scotty', 'scottish', 'uhura', 'black', 'sulu', 'japanese', 'muslim', 'son', 'upset', 'understand', 'iranian', 'iraqi', 'afghan', 'egyptian', 'palestinian', 'saudi', 'syrian', 'pakistani', 'star', 'trek', 'general', 'laughed', 'leaned', 'toward', 'iranian', 'ambassador', 'whispered', 'ear', 'take', 'place', 'future', 'muslim', 'star', 'trek']",71
"If I say something, in the middle of a forest...with no women around to hear me...

...am I still wrong? 

[credit](http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=90423#10)",1m8l35,51,"If I say something, in the middle of a forest...","['say', 'something', 'middle', 'forest', 'woman', 'around', 'hear', 'still', 'wrong', 'credit', 'http']","['say', 'something', 'middle', 'forest']","['say', 'something', 'middle', 'forest', 'woman', 'around', 'hear', 'still', 'wrong', 'credit', 'http', 'say', 'something', 'middle', 'forest']",15
They only had a dog. It was a Shih Tzu,3atn8t,51,I went to the zoo the other day...,"['dog', 'shih', 'tzu']","['went', 'zoo', 'day']","['dog', 'shih', 'tzu', 'went', 'zoo', 'day']",6
"He went to the nearest camel ranch and asked the ranch owner what type of camel he could get for the money he had. 
""I am sorry,"" said the rancher ""that's not even enough for the cheapest camel."" The nomad looked forlorn until the rancher said ""we do have this one camel though, we weren't going to sell him because he's kinda special, but I'll sell him to you in you like?"" The nomad was overjoyed, ""Yes, please! What is so special about him?""
""To make him walk you have to say 'go' and to make him gallop you have to say 'phew.' To make him stop simply say 'amen.' Have you got that?""
""I think so, yeah!"" Replied the nomad. He paid his many, got on the camel and said ""go!"" and it began to walk. After awhile as he had gotten used to the camel, he decided to try to go a bit faster and so he said ""phew"" and it burst to life. It started hurtling through the desert, bounding over dunes and zooming past oasis's. 

Suddenly, the nomad saw that ahead there was a gapping gorge and the camel was charging straight for it. He began tugging on the reins of the camel, pleading for it to stop, but, it wouldn't and he had completely forgotten the word to make it do so! 
""Oh god help me!"" cried the nomad. He began to pray, ""God, please don't let me die on this camel, amen."" And of course it came immediately to a dead stop right at the very edge of the deep gorge. 
""Phew"" said the nomad. ",1hiy3v,51,A nomad had been wandering the desert by foot for many years. He has saved up some money on his travels and decided that his walking days were over and it was time to buy a camel.,"['went', 'nearest', 'camel', 'ranch', 'asked', 'ranch', 'owner', 'type', 'camel', 'could', 'get', 'money', 'sorry', 'said', 'rancher', 'even', 'enough', 'cheapest', 'camel', 'nomad', 'looked', 'forlorn', 'rancher', 'said', 'one', 'camel', 'though', 'going', 'sell', 'kinda', 'special', 'sell', 'like', 'nomad', 'overjoyed', 'yes', 'please', 'special', 'make', 'walk', 'say', 'make', 'gallop', 'say', 'make', 'stop', 'simply', 'say', 'got', 'think', 'yeah', 'replied', 'nomad', 'paid', 'many', 'got', 'camel', 'said', 'go', 'began', 'walk', 'awhile', 'gotten', 'used', 'camel', 'decided', 'try', 'go', 'bit', 'faster', 'said', 'phew', 'burst', 'life', 'started', 'hurtling', 'desert', 'bounding', 'dune', 'zooming', 'past', 'oasis', 'suddenly', 'nomad', 'saw', 'ahead', 'gapping', 'gorge', 'camel', 'charging', 'straight', 'began', 'tugging', 'rein', 'camel', 'pleading', 'stop', 'would', 'completely', 'forgotten', 'word', 'make', 'oh', 'god', 'help', 'cried', 'nomad', 'began', 'pray', 'god', 'please', 'let', 'die', 'camel', 'amen', 'course', 'came', 'immediately', 'dead', 'stop', 'right', 'edge', 'deep', 'gorge', 'phew', 'said', 'nomad']","['nomad', 'wandering', 'desert', 'foot', 'many', 'year', 'saved', 'money', 'travel', 'decided', 'walking', 'day', 'time', 'buy', 'camel']","['went', 'nearest', 'camel', 'ranch', 'asked', 'ranch', 'owner', 'type', 'camel', 'could', 'get', 'money', 'sorry', 'said', 'rancher', 'even', 'enough', 'cheapest', 'camel', 'nomad', 'looked', 'forlorn', 'rancher', 'said', 'one', 'camel', 'though', 'going', 'sell', 'kinda', 'special', 'sell', 'like', 'nomad', 'overjoyed', 'yes', 'please', 'special', 'make', 'walk', 'say', 'make', 'gallop', 'say', 'make', 'stop', 'simply', 'say', 'got', 'think', 'yeah', 'replied', 'nomad', 'paid', 'many', 'got', 'camel', 'said', 'go', 'began', 'walk', 'awhile', 'gotten', 'used', 'camel', 'decided', 'try', 'go', 'bit', 'faster', 'said', 'phew', 'burst', 'life', 'started', 'hurtling', 'desert', 'bounding', 'dune', 'zooming', 'past', 'oasis', 'suddenly', 'nomad', 'saw', 'ahead', 'gapping', 'gorge', 'camel', 'charging', 'straight', 'began', 'tugging', 'rein', 'camel', 'pleading', 'stop', 'would', 'completely', 'forgotten', 'word', 'make', 'oh', 'god', 'help', 'cried', 'nomad', 'began', 'pray', 'god', 'please', 'let', 'die', 'camel', 'amen', 'course', 'came', 'immediately', 'dead', 'stop', 'right', 'edge', 'deep', 'gorge', 'phew', 'said', 'nomad', 'nomad', 'wandering', 'desert', 'foot', 'many', 'year', 'saved', 'money', 'travel', 'decided', 'walking', 'day', 'time', 'buy', 'camel']",142
...My favorite is Peter Dinklage. ,2nwraa,51,I really like white dwarf stars...,"['favorite', 'peter', 'dinklage']","['really', 'like', 'white', 'dwarf', 'star']","['favorite', 'peter', 'dinklage', 'really', 'like', 'white', 'dwarf', 'star']",8
"Because so did Satan.

-Stolen from youtube",2pxd8x,51,Did you fall from heaven?,"['satan', 'youtube']","['fall', 'heaven']","['satan', 'youtube', 'fall', 'heaven']",4
"""She seems very confused sometimes, and she always gets things mixed up! Last week I asked her to give Mrs. Frederikson two pills every twelve hours, and she gave her twelve pills every two hours!""
""I know, I Know"" replies the second doctor ""I observed something similar: I told her to feed one spoon of cough-syrup to the kid in room 15 every five hours, and she gave him five spoons every single hour!""
Just at that moment, a terrible cry of pain and agony was heard in every hallway of the hospital. ""Oh shit!!"" Exclaims the first doctor ""I just told her to prick Mr. Johnsons boil!!""",1hnrfs,51,Two doctors were talking about one of the nurses at their hospital...,"['seems', 'confused', 'sometimes', 'always', 'get', 'thing', 'mixed', 'last', 'week', 'asked', 'give', 'frederikson', 'two', 'pill', 'every', 'twelve', 'hour', 'gave', 'twelve', 'pill', 'every', 'two', 'hour', 'know', 'know', 'reply', 'second', 'doctor', 'observed', 'something', 'similar', 'told', 'feed', 'one', 'spoon', 'kid', 'room', 'every', 'five', 'hour', 'gave', 'five', 'spoon', 'every', 'single', 'hour', 'moment', 'terrible', 'cry', 'pain', 'agony', 'heard', 'every', 'hallway', 'hospital', 'oh', 'shit', 'exclaims', 'first', 'doctor', 'told', 'prick', 'johnson', 'boil']","['two', 'doctor', 'talking', 'one', 'nurse', 'hospital']","['seems', 'confused', 'sometimes', 'always', 'get', 'thing', 'mixed', 'last', 'week', 'asked', 'give', 'frederikson', 'two', 'pill', 'every', 'twelve', 'hour', 'gave', 'twelve', 'pill', 'every', 'two', 'hour', 'know', 'know', 'reply', 'second', 'doctor', 'observed', 'something', 'similar', 'told', 'feed', 'one', 'spoon', 'kid', 'room', 'every', 'five', 'hour', 'gave', 'five', 'spoon', 'every', 'single', 'hour', 'moment', 'terrible', 'cry', 'pain', 'agony', 'heard', 'every', 'hallway', 'hospital', 'oh', 'shit', 'exclaims', 'first', 'doctor', 'told', 'prick', 'johnson', 'boil', 'two', 'doctor', 'talking', 'one', 'nurse', 'hospital']",70
The position of the dirtbag.,1har9j,51,What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?,"['position', 'dirtbag']","['difference', 'hoover', 'harley']","['position', 'dirtbag', 'difference', 'hoover', 'harley']",5
He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.,48ma9s,51,How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?,"['hire', 'people', 'long', 'finger']","['donald', 'drumpf', 'change', 'lightbulb']","['hire', 'people', 'long', 'finger', 'donald', 'drumpf', 'change', 'lightbulb']",8
"I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like this:




A psychology student, finishing his doctorate, went to study the psychology of animals and spent some time at sea world studying Dolphins. He tried his best to train the Dolphins using positive reinforcement through treats of sardines and fresh fish. However, he was unable to find consistent results. Determined to find a pattern he stayed overnight for a week and observed the Dolphins, attempting to train them each morning. 

On the fourth night he saw a flock of seagulls land in the dolphin habitat with their babies. The Dolphins proceeded to leap out of the water, scaring the adult seagulls away. Unfortunately the baby seagulls were unable to fly away and the Dolphins then swam up and had sex with them. The next morning he conducted the same tests he had earlier in the week and found that the Dolphins were much more receptive to taking orders. 

The student, determined to find a correlation in the happiness of Dolphins and susceptibility to training, snuck off to a beach front the next night. He found a flock of sleeping seagulls and promptly stole all of the baby seagulls he could find. He carried as many of them as he could in his arms back to the dolphin tank at Sea world. 

On his way back he encounter a sleeping lion. He slowly stepped over the lion, in an effort to not wake it. Immediately after he thought he was in the clear a bright flashlight was shone into his eyes. 

A police officer had stopped him. The student asked, ""what am I under arrest for?""
The office responded ""Youre under arrest for transporting underage gulls across sedate lions for unorthodox porpoises.""

I immediately face palmed but secretly loved the joke. ",40qx1c,51,A joke told to me by my psychology professor...,"['start', 'letting', 'know', 'backstory', 'first', 'day', 'class', 'professor', 'giving', 'brief', 'overview', 'physiological', 'study', 'theory', 'went', 'long', 'description', 'supposed', 'psychologist', 'studied', 'training', 'dolphin', 'went', 'something', 'like', 'psychology', 'student', 'finishing', 'doctorate', 'went', 'study', 'psychology', 'animal', 'spent', 'time', 'sea', 'world', 'studying', 'dolphin', 'tried', 'best', 'train', 'dolphin', 'using', 'positive', 'reinforcement', 'treat', 'sardine', 'fresh', 'fish', 'however', 'unable', 'find', 'consistent', 'result', 'determined', 'find', 'pattern', 'stayed', 'overnight', 'week', 'observed', 'dolphin', 'attempting', 'train', 'morning', 'fourth', 'night', 'saw', 'flock', 'seagull', 'land', 'dolphin', 'habitat', 'baby', 'dolphin', 'proceeded', 'leap', 'water', 'scaring', 'adult', 'seagull', 'away', 'unfortunately', 'baby', 'seagull', 'unable', 'fly', 'away', 'dolphin', 'swam', 'sex', 'next', 'morning', 'conducted', 'test', 'earlier', 'week', 'found', 'dolphin', 'much', 'receptive', 'taking', 'order', 'student', 'determined', 'find', 'correlation', 'happiness', 'dolphin', 'susceptibility', 'training', 'snuck', 'beach', 'front', 'next', 'night', 'found', 'flock', 'sleeping', 'seagull', 'promptly', 'stole', 'baby', 'seagull', 'could', 'find', 'carried', 'many', 'could', 'arm', 'back', 'dolphin', 'tank', 'sea', 'world', 'way', 'back', 'encounter', 'sleeping', 'lion', 'slowly', 'stepped', 'lion', 'effort', 'wake', 'immediately', 'thought', 'clear', 'bright', 'flashlight', 'shone', 'eye', 'police', 'officer', 'stopped', 'student', 'asked', 'arrest', 'office', 'responded', 'youre', 'arrest', 'transporting', 'underage', 'gull', 'across', 'sedate', 'lion', 'unorthodox', 'porpoise', 'immediately', 'face', 'palmed', 'secretly', 'loved', 'joke']","['joke', 'told', 'psychology', 'professor']","['start', 'letting', 'know', 'backstory', 'first', 'day', 'class', 'professor', 'giving', 'brief', 'overview', 'physiological', 'study', 'theory', 'went', 'long', 'description', 'supposed', 'psychologist', 'studied', 'training', 'dolphin', 'went', 'something', 'like', 'psychology', 'student', 'finishing', 'doctorate', 'went', 'study', 'psychology', 'animal', 'spent', 'time', 'sea', 'world', 'studying', 'dolphin', 'tried', 'best', 'train', 'dolphin', 'using', 'positive', 'reinforcement', 'treat', 'sardine', 'fresh', 'fish', 'however', 'unable', 'find', 'consistent', 'result', 'determined', 'find', 'pattern', 'stayed', 'overnight', 'week', 'observed', 'dolphin', 'attempting', 'train', 'morning', 'fourth', 'night', 'saw', 'flock', 'seagull', 'land', 'dolphin', 'habitat', 'baby', 'dolphin', 'proceeded', 'leap', 'water', 'scaring', 'adult', 'seagull', 'away', 'unfortunately', 'baby', 'seagull', 'unable', 'fly', 'away', 'dolphin', 'swam', 'sex', 'next', 'morning', 'conducted', 'test', 'earlier', 'week', 'found', 'dolphin', 'much', 'receptive', 'taking', 'order', 'student', 'determined', 'find', 'correlation', 'happiness', 'dolphin', 'susceptibility', 'training', 'snuck', 'beach', 'front', 'next', 'night', 'found', 'flock', 'sleeping', 'seagull', 'promptly', 'stole', 'baby', 'seagull', 'could', 'find', 'carried', 'many', 'could', 'arm', 'back', 'dolphin', 'tank', 'sea', 'world', 'way', 'back', 'encounter', 'sleeping', 'lion', 'slowly', 'stepped', 'lion', 'effort', 'wake', 'immediately', 'thought', 'clear', 'bright', 'flashlight', 'shone', 'eye', 'police', 'officer', 'stopped', 'student', 'asked', 'arrest', 'office', 'responded', 'youre', 'arrest', 'transporting', 'underage', 'gull', 'across', 'sedate', 'lion', 'unorthodox', 'porpoise', 'immediately', 'face', 'palmed', 'secretly', 'loved', 'joke', 'joke', 'told', 'psychology', 'professor']",181
"A guy walks into a bar and orders a couple shots of whiskey.  After he downs his whiskey he notices a jar filled with coins and a couple dollar bills on top. He then asks the bartender what's the jar for and the bartender points to the big guy on the other side of the bar and says ""you see that lug over there? If you can knock him out you can have the money in the jar"". The patron then requests a couple more shots of whiskey.

After hammering these shots down the guy notices another jar that is filled with $1 and $5 dollar bills with a $20 on top. He then ask the bartender what's the jar for and the bartender says ""did you see that dog tied up in the front on your way in here? Well it has a loose tooth but if you can yank it out you can have the money in the jar"". ""Oh okay"" says the patron before ordering a couple more shots of whiskey.

When he finishes with these shots he notices another jar filled with $20 dollar bills and a couple $100 dollar bills on top. He then proceeds to ask the bartender what's this jar for and the bartender points to a gorgeous blonde across the bar and says ""you see that blonde girl right there? Well if you can make her orgasm you get the money in the jar"". 

Being fairly intoxicated now the patron stumbles to his feet and staggers over to the big guy before he cold clocks him sending him to the floor. The entire bar goes silent. 

The man trots out the front door and then everybody inside hears the dog squealing  bloody murder. 

Minutes later the guy walks back covered in blood and drunkenly says ""*Alright, now where's that blonde with the loose tooth*""",378ckc,51,A guy walks into a bar...,"['guy', 'walk', 'bar', 'order', 'couple', 'shot', 'whiskey', 'down', 'whiskey', 'notice', 'jar', 'filled', 'coin', 'couple', 'dollar', 'bill', 'top', 'asks', 'bartender', 'jar', 'bartender', 'point', 'big', 'guy', 'side', 'bar', 'say', 'see', 'lug', 'knock', 'money', 'jar', 'patron', 'request', 'couple', 'shot', 'whiskey', 'hammering', 'shot', 'guy', 'notice', 'another', 'jar', 'filled', 'dollar', 'bill', 'top', 'ask', 'bartender', 'jar', 'bartender', 'say', 'see', 'dog', 'tied', 'front', 'way', 'well', 'loose', 'tooth', 'yank', 'money', 'jar', 'oh', 'okay', 'say', 'patron', 'ordering', 'couple', 'shot', 'whiskey', 'finish', 'shot', 'notice', 'another', 'jar', 'filled', 'dollar', 'bill', 'couple', 'dollar', 'bill', 'top', 'proceeds', 'ask', 'bartender', 'jar', 'bartender', 'point', 'gorgeous', 'blonde', 'across', 'bar', 'say', 'see', 'blonde', 'girl', 'right', 'well', 'make', 'orgasm', 'get', 'money', 'jar', 'fairly', 'intoxicated', 'patron', 'stumble', 'foot', 'stagger', 'big', 'guy', 'cold', 'clock', 'sending', 'floor', 'entire', 'bar', 'go', 'silent', 'man', 'trot', 'front', 'door', 'everybody', 'inside', 'hears', 'dog', 'squealing', 'bloody', 'murder', 'minute', 'later', 'guy', 'walk', 'back', 'covered', 'blood', 'drunkenly', 'say', 'alright', 'blonde', 'loose', 'tooth']","['guy', 'walk', 'bar']","['guy', 'walk', 'bar', 'order', 'couple', 'shot', 'whiskey', 'down', 'whiskey', 'notice', 'jar', 'filled', 'coin', 'couple', 'dollar', 'bill', 'top', 'asks', 'bartender', 'jar', 'bartender', 'point', 'big', 'guy', 'side', 'bar', 'say', 'see', 'lug', 'knock', 'money', 'jar', 'patron', 'request', 'couple', 'shot', 'whiskey', 'hammering', 'shot', 'guy', 'notice', 'another', 'jar', 'filled', 'dollar', 'bill', 'top', 'ask', 'bartender', 'jar', 'bartender', 'say', 'see', 'dog', 'tied', 'front', 'way', 'well', 'loose', 'tooth', 'yank', 'money', 'jar', 'oh', 'okay', 'say', 'patron', 'ordering', 'couple', 'shot', 'whiskey', 'finish', 'shot', 'notice', 'another', 'jar', 'filled', 'dollar', 'bill', 'couple', 'dollar', 'bill', 'top', 'proceeds', 'ask', 'bartender', 'jar', 'bartender', 'point', 'gorgeous', 'blonde', 'across', 'bar', 'say', 'see', 'blonde', 'girl', 'right', 'well', 'make', 'orgasm', 'get', 'money', 'jar', 'fairly', 'intoxicated', 'patron', 'stumble', 'foot', 'stagger', 'big', 'guy', 'cold', 'clock', 'sending', 'floor', 'entire', 'bar', 'go', 'silent', 'man', 'trot', 'front', 'door', 'everybody', 'inside', 'hears', 'dog', 'squealing', 'bloody', 'murder', 'minute', 'later', 'guy', 'walk', 'back', 'covered', 'blood', 'drunkenly', 'say', 'alright', 'blonde', 'loose', 'tooth', 'guy', 'walk', 'bar']",147
Mein Kraft,3tn5bu,51,What do Germans call their own EasyMac?,"['mein', 'kraft']","['german', 'call', 'easymac']","['mein', 'kraft', 'german', 'call', 'easymac']",5
"When one man notices a funeral procession. He quietly sets down his fishing rod, takes of his hat and bows his head. When the procession is out of sight he picks up his pole and continues fishing. The other man turns to him and says, ""wow. I never knew you had a feely side in you"" to which the first man replies, ""it's the least I could've done, afterall, we had been married for forty years.""",43cdi3,51,Two men are fishing from a bridge...,"['one', 'man', 'notice', 'funeral', 'procession', 'quietly', 'set', 'fishing', 'rod', 'take', 'hat', 'bow', 'head', 'procession', 'sight', 'pick', 'pole', 'continues', 'fishing', 'man', 'turn', 'say', 'wow', 'never', 'knew', 'feely', 'side', 'first', 'man', 'reply', 'least', 'could', 'done', 'afterall', 'married', 'forty', 'year']","['two', 'men', 'fishing', 'bridge']","['one', 'man', 'notice', 'funeral', 'procession', 'quietly', 'set', 'fishing', 'rod', 'take', 'hat', 'bow', 'head', 'procession', 'sight', 'pick', 'pole', 'continues', 'fishing', 'man', 'turn', 'say', 'wow', 'never', 'knew', 'feely', 'side', 'first', 'man', 'reply', 'least', 'could', 'done', 'afterall', 'married', 'forty', 'year', 'two', 'men', 'fishing', 'bridge']",41
"Do you think I'm a nosy bastard?

No! Of course not!

Then why did you write that in your diary!",4wpwyv,51,My roommate confronted me yesterday...,"['think', 'nosy', 'bastard', 'course', 'write', 'diary']","['roommate', 'confronted', 'yesterday']","['think', 'nosy', 'bastard', 'course', 'write', 'diary', 'roommate', 'confronted', 'yesterday']",9
"In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.",1mtob7,51,"What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?","['case', 'someone', 'forgot', 'pull']","['burnt', 'pizza', 'frozen', 'beer', 'pregnant', 'woman', 'common']","['case', 'someone', 'forgot', 'pull', 'burnt', 'pizza', 'frozen', 'beer', 'pregnant', 'woman', 'common']",11
"A guy with a terrible stutter goes to the doctor. Doctor examines him, and says, ""I'm afraid the problem is your large penis. It requires such an enormous blood supply, not enough blood is reaching the speech center in your brain.""

""W-w-well, what c-c-can I d-d-do?"" asks the guy.

""We can do a penis reduction,"" says the doctor.

""C-c-can you do that?""

""Sure,"" says, the doctor. ""Reduction, addition, we can do it all nowadays.""

And the guys says, ""I-I-I'll have to th-th-think about it.""

A week goes by, and the guy just can't stand the stuttering any longer. So he returns to the doctor and asks for the reduction.

The surgery goes great, the guy wakes up, and sure enough, his stutter is gone!

After a couple of weeks with his normal-sized Johnson, however, the guy has second thoughts. So he returns to the doctor.

""Doc,"" he says. ""Don't think I'm ungrateful. You solved my stuttering problem, just like you said you would. However, I really miss my penis. You said you can do additions. I'd like you to put the rest of my penis back on.""

And the doctor says, ""F-F-Fuck you!""",2pu79s,51,The stutterer,"['guy', 'terrible', 'stutter', 'go', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'examines', 'say', 'afraid', 'problem', 'large', 'penis', 'requires', 'enormous', 'blood', 'supply', 'enough', 'blood', 'reaching', 'speech', 'center', 'brain', 'asks', 'guy', 'penis', 'reduction', 'say', 'doctor', 'sure', 'say', 'doctor', 'reduction', 'addition', 'nowadays', 'guy', 'say', 'week', 'go', 'guy', 'ca', 'stand', 'stuttering', 'longer', 'return', 'doctor', 'asks', 'reduction', 'surgery', 'go', 'great', 'guy', 'wake', 'sure', 'enough', 'stutter', 'gone', 'couple', 'week', 'johnson', 'however', 'guy', 'second', 'thought', 'return', 'doctor', 'doc', 'say', 'think', 'ungrateful', 'solved', 'stuttering', 'problem', 'like', 'said', 'would', 'however', 'really', 'miss', 'penis', 'said', 'addition', 'like', 'put', 'rest', 'penis', 'back', 'doctor', 'say']",['stutterer'],"['guy', 'terrible', 'stutter', 'go', 'doctor', 'doctor', 'examines', 'say', 'afraid', 'problem', 'large', 'penis', 'requires', 'enormous', 'blood', 'supply', 'enough', 'blood', 'reaching', 'speech', 'center', 'brain', 'asks', 'guy', 'penis', 'reduction', 'say', 'doctor', 'sure', 'say', 'doctor', 'reduction', 'addition', 'nowadays', 'guy', 'say', 'week', 'go', 'guy', 'ca', 'stand', 'stuttering', 'longer', 'return', 'doctor', 'asks', 'reduction', 'surgery', 'go', 'great', 'guy', 'wake', 'sure', 'enough', 'stutter', 'gone', 'couple', 'week', 'johnson', 'however', 'guy', 'second', 'thought', 'return', 'doctor', 'doc', 'say', 'think', 'ungrateful', 'solved', 'stuttering', 'problem', 'like', 'said', 'would', 'however', 'really', 'miss', 'penis', 'said', 'addition', 'like', 'put', 'rest', 'penis', 'back', 'doctor', 'say', 'stutterer']",89
"
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.",3qtf47,51,"My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.","['discovered', 'good', 'mood', 'turn', 'green', 'bad', 'mood', 'leaf', 'big', 'fucking', 'red', 'mark', 'forehead']","['wife', 'unhappy', 'mood', 'swing', 'bought', 'one', 'mood', 'ring', 'could', 'monitor', 'mood']","['discovered', 'good', 'mood', 'turn', 'green', 'bad', 'mood', 'leaf', 'big', 'fucking', 'red', 'mark', 'forehead', 'wife', 'unhappy', 'mood', 'swing', 'bought', 'one', 'mood', 'ring', 'could', 'monitor', 'mood']",24
"I don't like to brag, but she had multiple organisms.",4fiosp,51,I recently had sex with a biologist at her laboratory.,"['like', 'brag', 'multiple', 'organism']","['recently', 'sex', 'biologist', 'laboratory']","['like', 'brag', 'multiple', 'organism', 'recently', 'sex', 'biologist', 'laboratory']",8
"""Fuck off. This is MY umbrella."" ",2jaiit,51,"""Give it to me!! I'm so fucking wet!"" She screamed at me...","['fuck', 'umbrella']","['give', 'fucking', 'wet', 'screamed']","['fuck', 'umbrella', 'give', 'fucking', 'wet', 'screamed']",6
"The first one prays to God and says ""Lord give me the strength to cross this river."" There is a flash of light and he is granted stronger arms to swim.

The second one says ""Lord give me the endurance to cross this river."" Another flash of light and he is granted strong lungs to help him swim.

The third one says ""Lord, remove this obstacle from my path."" There is a flash of light and the young lieutenant turns into a woman. Crossing a Water Obstacle is no longer part of her test and she is applauded by the media for being so strong and independent. She has a loyal group of male followers who dote on her every day and she lives happily ever after.",38ety1,51,Three Army Lieutenants have to cross a river for infantry training.,"['first', 'one', 'prays', 'god', 'say', 'lord', 'give', 'strength', 'cross', 'river', 'flash', 'light', 'granted', 'stronger', 'arm', 'swim', 'second', 'one', 'say', 'lord', 'give', 'endurance', 'cross', 'river', 'another', 'flash', 'light', 'granted', 'strong', 'lung', 'help', 'swim', 'third', 'one', 'say', 'lord', 'remove', 'obstacle', 'path', 'flash', 'light', 'young', 'lieutenant', 'turn', 'woman', 'crossing', 'water', 'obstacle', 'longer', 'part', 'test', 'applauded', 'medium', 'strong', 'independent', 'loyal', 'group', 'male', 'follower', 'dote', 'every', 'day', 'life', 'happily', 'ever']","['three', 'army', 'lieutenant', 'cross', 'river', 'infantry', 'training']","['first', 'one', 'prays', 'god', 'say', 'lord', 'give', 'strength', 'cross', 'river', 'flash', 'light', 'granted', 'stronger', 'arm', 'swim', 'second', 'one', 'say', 'lord', 'give', 'endurance', 'cross', 'river', 'another', 'flash', 'light', 'granted', 'strong', 'lung', 'help', 'swim', 'third', 'one', 'say', 'lord', 'remove', 'obstacle', 'path', 'flash', 'light', 'young', 'lieutenant', 'turn', 'woman', 'crossing', 'water', 'obstacle', 'longer', 'part', 'test', 'applauded', 'medium', 'strong', 'independent', 'loyal', 'group', 'male', 'follower', 'dote', 'every', 'day', 'life', 'happily', 'ever', 'three', 'army', 'lieutenant', 'cross', 'river', 'infantry', 'training']",72
It was tense,2dogn5,51,"Past, present and future walk into a bar...",['tense'],"['past', 'present', 'future', 'walk', 'bar']","['tense', 'past', 'present', 'future', 'walk', 'bar']",6
"Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. ""Follow me son"" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. ""First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."" And they did. ""Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."" And they did. ""Now we charge at them while half of our backs is showing and we eat everybody."" And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, ""Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?""

His wise father replied, ""Because they taste better without the shit inside!""",4f4z6f,51,Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking,"['two', 'great', 'white', 'shark', 'swimming', 'ocean', 'spied', 'survivor', 'sunken', 'ship', 'follow', 'son', 'father', 'shark', 'said', 'son', 'shark', 'swam', 'mass', 'people', 'first', 'swim', 'around', 'time', 'tip', 'fin', 'showing', 'well', 'done', 'son', 'swim', 'around', 'time', 'fin', 'showing', 'charge', 'half', 'back', 'showing', 'eat', 'everybody', 'gorged', 'son', 'asked', 'dad', 'eat', 'first', 'swim', 'around', 'around', 'wise', 'father', 'replied', 'taste', 'better', 'without', 'shit', 'inside']","['shark'